The Apocalypse and Satan's Glory Hole - читать онлайн бесплатно или скачать fb2
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Recipe for the apocalypse:
• Four parts Horsemen of the Apocalypse
• Three drops of bathtub LSD
• A handful of sexual perverts
• Garnish with a bunch of really hot pissed-off militant lesbians
• Add a splash of savior approved Red Bull
• Shake or stir, just don’t upset junk-monkey Phil in the process.
Serve to the demons that are currently invading the Earth. You think you know how the world ends? You don’t know shit!
Armageddon arrived on a weekday, which was really inconvenient for a lot of people, including The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. After their appearance on The Kayla Mangrabler talk show, they decided to go their separate ways and cause as much havoc as possible.
Jesus has been stuck at the craps table for three days, sipping vodka and Red Bull, completely missing the end of the world. But he is about to meet up with Death and go on a road trip that will test their resolve and their blood alcohol content.
Meanwhile, an unlikely band of heroes are headed to Las Vegas to fight the Apocalypse. Creepy Chuzz and his one-armed, addict monkey Phil are flying there in an ice cream truck. Chuzz’s best friend Leon plans to lend a hand, assuming he can escape the clutches of the insane Father Maniwhore not to mention Pestilence, who has designs on the janitor’s bathtub-LSD-addled brain.
Along the way they will encounter bouncing glory hole boxes, militant lesbians, an undead general, a flying demon named Princess Sally, hordes of zombies, and a trio of secret agents hellbent on delivering a Cease and Desist order to Lucifer himself.
They’d better hurry, because the Devil is rising in the desert, and he is hungry to start the Apocalypse that his son could not. But only if he can get it on with his giant floating glory hole.
- Foreword THE NEW REBELS OF FICTION An Introduction by William Pauley III
- SOME TIME AGO
- Godish
- The Nevada Black Rock Desert — Burning Man Fifty Feet behind the Shitter Wrapped in Bubble Wrap and Fruit Roll-Ups
- Shit You Won ’t See on Oprah
- No Direction but Fuck
- The Dirt Road Leading to the Former Site of the Burning Man Festival
- Did You Hear the One about a Bunch of Guys Who Visited a Militant Lesbian Camp?
- Antichrist Comes a-Callin ’
- Quick and Greasy Like a Truck Stop Whore
- Death Gets Some Ass
- Jesus, he Sucks at Craps!
- War Gets a Load in the Face
- Every Which Way but Fuck
- Pestilence Rides a White Pony
- The Ladies Hate the Cock
- In This Town We Spell “Law” S-M-O-O-C-H-O-L-E
- Every Which Direction but Fuck
- Foolish Weaver of Intricate Insults
- Three Angels, a Demon, and a Priest Walk into a Sex Shop
- Apocalypse Right Fucking NOW!
- We ’ve Come for Your Codes, Asshole
- Zombie with Soul
- Three Pervs and an Ice Cream Truck
- The Daily Gab Gets Refuckulated
- Only the Special Secret Agents Get to Drive the Humscalade and Pack Nukes
- Piss Off, No One ’s Home!
- My Friend Can Only Mumble on Account of the Ball Gag
- Your Lord and Savior is Pissed
- The Demons of Hell 78 are Unleashed upon the World
- Next Stop, Sin City
- Never Steal a General ’s One-Legged Whore
- Jesus and Death get Lit and Take a Road Trip
- Cease and Desist, You Evil Bastard
- The Jaime St. Pucker Pocket Pussy Can In NO Way, Shape or Form Save Someone Once He is Zombie Bit
- You Get to Be Thelma Next Time, Bitch
- One Minute and Horse Chow the Next
- Chaos Reigns!
- From the Mouths of Babes, Really Badass Babes
- Cock Chop Symphony of Destruction
- THE NEXT DAY Welcome to the Beginning
- This is Not The End …
- Mr. Long and Mr. Moon would like to thank
- Meet the Authors (Hide your pets!)
- Nice things said about this blasphemous book
- Copyright
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