Succubus Heat

CHAPTER 11

Cody asked the obvious question.

"So…if he's gone …how did that happen?"

Hugh rubbed his eyes. "He was summoned."

"Oh, shit," said Peter. His fun-in-the-sun joy disappeared. He looked as grim as Hugh and me. "That changes everything."

I glanced between him and Hugh, feeling as naïve as Cody. "What's that mean exactly? I've heard of summoning, but that's about it. I don't know any specifics. I don't know anyone it's happened to."

Peter nodded. "Me either, but I know what it is. Basically, a powerful human calls and binds a demon to his or her will. That human can then imprison and control the demon."

"Like Marlowe's Dr. Faustus ."

We all turned to stare at Cody. Citing highbrow literary references was usually my thing, not his.

"What?" he asked, looking uncomfortable under our scrutiny. "I had to read it in high school."

I looked back at Peter. "Okay, we're immortal, and we could never even scratch a demon. How could a human control one?"

"Humans who use magic wield a different kind of power than immortals. Besides, from what I've heard, those who summon demons often have help," explained Peter. He glanced at Hugh for confirmation.

"From another demon," the imp said.

"Whoa. Let's go back to the part about controlling demons. What exactly is this human making Jerome do?" asked Cody.

"Probably nothing," said Hugh. "Or else someone would have found him by now. My guess is he's just being hidden."

Cody frowned. "Why? If you've got a pet demon, why not use him? Otherwise, what's the point?"

It all came together now. "To get him out of the picture," I said slowly. "That's it. The final piece in all this weird demon intrigue. That's what all the misdirection was building toward."

"Right. Cedric gets rid of Jerome, and suddenly there's an opening in Seattle for a new archdemon. And if Jerome doesn't return soon, they will get a new archdemon and reestablish the hierarchy here." Hugh gestured to all of us. "The status quo will resume."

"Let's stick to 'when' he returns and not 'if,'" I said. "And I don't think Cedric's behind it."

"Of course Cedric's behind it," said Hugh. "They've been fighting over territory, right? You of all people should know that."

I shook my head, recalling Cedric's exasperation and Nanette's smug look. "No…I think Cedric's being set up here. If you ask me, it's Nanette who's behind it." I gave them a quick recap of my observations of her with both Cedric and Jerome.

Hugh arched an eyebrow. "Portland Nanette? She's hot, I'll give you that, but she's not that strong."

"All the more reason for her to mess with Jerome and Cedric. She's been worried about them dragging her into their turf war. Besides, if she combined her power with a human capable of a summoning…"

"Yeah," he admitted. "She could maybe do it…but that doesn't mean she did. My money's still on Cedric."

"Wouldn't she get in trouble for that?" asked Cody.

"Only if she's caught," said Peter.

I sighed. "And in the meantime, this is bad for Jerome."

"Glad to see your powers of stating the obvious didn't disappear with your shape-shifting," remarked Hugh.

I shot him a glare. "I mean reputation-wise. Nanette told me lots of people have been keeping an eye on Jerome because of all the stuff that's gone down here-particularly with letting nephilim escape. They think he can't keep control. Even if he surfaces tomorrow, I've got to imagine that getting summoned in the first place won't look good."

"It won't," agreed Hugh. "In fact, that's the other reason I stopped by. A bunch of demons are having a meeting tonight to talk about replacing him. Back room of the Cellar at seven."

"Wow, they move fast," said Cody.

"It's nothing official. Once word got out that Jerome was gone, every demon maneuvering for power moved in like that." Hugh snapped his fingers. I refrained from pointing out that all demons were maneuvering for power as a general rule. "They're mostly just here to assert themselves-show how tough they are, cozy up to Grace and Mei. They might try to schmooze us a little, actually."

"Why? We don't have any say in this," said Peter. He glanced between us all. "Do we?"

"No, but eventually someone from Management will come here to size up the situation and will talk to us in their assessment. Everything plays a part. Those wanting the position will strut around, show how they could keep this place in line, and put their bids in."

"Is Nanette going to be at this meeting?" I asked suspiciously.

"Yes," said Hugh, eyeing me. "And so will Cedric."

I eyed him right back. "I'm telling you, it's not Cedric. I'm certain of it."

"What, you have donuts with him for a week, and now you guys are BFF?"

"No, but I know him better than you do. And I think I understand Nanette better than you too," I shot back.

"So, you guys…" began Cody, a questioning note in his voice.

"Are you sleeping with Cedric?" Hugh demanded. "Are you playing both sides now?"

"No!"

"It kind of sounds like it."

"You guys," repeated Cody.

"Look," I said, "you just want to believe Nanette's innocent because you think she's hot."

"She is hot. For a demon."

"You guys!" yelled Cody. We turned to him. "What about us?"

"What about us?" I asked.

"What are we?" Cody's face was pinched and worried. Like Peter, he no longer seemed that excited about his newfound freedom. "Are we human?"

I opened my mouth to answer and then fell silent. I honestly didn't know. Hugh glanced at me and shrugged.

"Not exactly," said Peter. "I think we're kind of…in stasis. We're neither mortal nor immortal."

"We have to be one or the other," argued Hugh. "There's no purgatory equivalent to mortality."

Peter shrugged. "Hell's still got the lease on our souls. That's not going to change, no matter who our archdemon is. Removing him from the equation cuts us off from the abilities we get with immortality, but that's temporary."

"But does it cut us off from immortality itself?" asked Cody. "Can we die?"

Silence fell.

"Shit," said Hugh.

"I think…" Peter bit his lip. I had a feeling he was at the end of his knowledge on this subject. "I think they'd bring us back if we did."

"You think ?" asked Cody incredulously.

Peter threw up his hands. "I don't know! This has never happened to me before, okay? Maybe we are human. Maybe we can get sick. Maybe we can lose in a fight. Maybe Georgina'll get her period. I don't know, okay?"

"Whoa," I said, straightening up. "What do you mean-"

"Just stop it, all of you," exclaimed Hugh. "We're not going to figure any of this out right now. Just go to the meeting and find out there. Grace and Mei are trying to manage things for now, and they'll know what's up. No point in panicking now."

We sat there, and I knew that despite his words, we were all indeed panicking. My stomach was rolling, but this time, it wasn't a reaction to the severing of my bond with Hell. This was born of pure terror. When things were bad in my life-particularly after Seth and I had broken up-there had been times when I'd hated immortality. Death had sounded appealing. I honestly hadn't been able to fathom how I could endure the centuries to come and had envied the finite life spans of humans. But now? Faced with the idea that I could actually die? Suddenly, desperately, I wanted to cling to my immortality with every scrap of my strength. Death was bleak, dark, and frightening. All the world's dangers descended on me at once, all the things I'd hitherto been able to ignore. Car accidents. Electrocution. Bird flu. The world was no longer safe.

If the vampires felt any such fears, they apparently decided it wasn't going to get in the way of their last few days as free men. They rose as one and made motions to leave.

"Well, if Jerome's going to get replaced with or without us, then there's no point sitting and moping," said Peter.

"We got cut off without warning," I told him. "We could get reconnected to Hell's circuit board just as suddenly, you know. Aren't you a little nervous about getting caught out in the sun?"

"They're not going to make any decisions in the next five hours," said Peter brashly-too brashly, I thought.

He paused a moment, his gaze drifting to my window and the blue sky beyond it. There, in his dark eyes, I saw the tiniest, tiniest bit of longing. It occurred to me then just how much he must have missed the sun these last thousand years or so. Like the rest of us, he'd willingly sold his soul for immortality. Along with that, he'd gotten superhuman strength and speed in exchange for a dependency on blood, a denial of sunlight, and a job as a dispenser of fear and nightmares. I certainly had regrets about my hellish deal some days; no doubt he did too. And maybe, despite his lax, overconfident attitude about the sun, he truly was aware of the risk of getting fried-and thought it was worth it after all this time.

He and Cody left, leaving me and a still bleak-looking Hugh. I gently touched the imp's shoulder. "I'm sure this'll work out."

He cut me a wry look. "Really?"

I laughed softly. "No, not really. I'm just trying to make you feel better. I never realized before how much you liked your…what would you call it? Imp vision?"

This finally got him to smile. "You always thought of me as a paper pusher?"

"Nah, no one uses paper anymore. It's all electronic."

"Not in Hell," he said, standing up. "They kind of like cutting down forests."

I followed him to the door. "Well, hang in there, and I'll see you tonight."

"What are you going to do with your newfound freedom?" he asked, hand on the doorknob.

I frowned. "What do you mean? This whole thing isn't quite the same for you and me as it is for the vampires."

The look Hugh gave me then was genuinely amused and almost pitying. "Georgina. Your shape-shifting and other abilities are fueled by human life. If you can't do those things, then you don't need the energy-just like Cody and Hugh don't need blood. Can't you feel it? The whole system's probably shut off."

I froze and almost stopped breathing for a moment-which might not have been so wise in my current state. " What ?"

He laughed again. "How could you have not considered that?"

"Well…because I was more focused on the entire fabric of Seattle's demonic hierarchy being unraveled. That and the possibility that we could all die." Inside, my mind was replaying his words over and over, like a record that kept skipping: You don't need the energy, you don't need the energy… I shook my head. "I can't believe that. It isn't possible." I'd wanted it for too long, the ability to be with someone without the dire side effects. It was one of those things you always longed for but knew, deep down inside, could never happen. Like winning the lottery. Or, um, living forever.

"Neither is a vampire going into the sun," said Hugh. "Yet here we are." He leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Think about it. This is a once in a lifetime-er, eternity-chance."

He started to leave, and then something I'd nearly forgotten about popped back into the forefront of my mind. "Hugh? Did you get my message earlier? About the Canadian Satanists?" After everything else, a few signs on the Space Needle suddenly seemed absurdly unimportant.

"Yeah," he said, with a grimace. "They had a huge spectacle there, freaked people out. They made the news and got arrested. Not sure what'll happen now. The international thing makes it all interesting."

"Were you able to tell Jerome?"

"No, couldn't get a hold of him-not surprising if that was near the time of the summoning. I ended up getting a hold of Mei, and I think she did something to minimize how much the media found out. She was hoping that nobody in Management would notice."

"Yeah, well, they're all noticing us now."

Hugh's face was hard as he nodded his agreement. "That's an understatement. Have fun, sweetie."

He departed, leaving me standing there and staring at the door.

I was still breathing heavily, my heart thudding in my chest. I needed to calm down and think this through. After all, who knew what could happen if I had a panic attack? Would I go into cardiac arrest or something? All bets were off now. Anything was possible.

I sank down to the floor, wrapping my arms around myself, and focused on slowing my breathing. This was all too surreal. I couldn't process it. It wasn't possible that I could be mortal. It wasn't possible that I could die. It wasn't possible that I could actually touch a man without harming him. Over and over I told myself those things. Meanwhile, Aubrey strolled over to me and rubbed her head against my leg. Reaching out, I stroked her back, barely aware of my actions.

What was I going to do? We had five hours until the meeting, which couldn't come soon enough as far as I was concerned. I needed answers now . I couldn't live with this uncertainty. My heart started racing again. Fuck. I really was going to have a heart attack. Hugh was a doctor in his day job; maybe I should call him about my blood pressure.

Call…

An idea hit me then, and I stood up to go find my purse. Producing my cell phone, I dialed Dante. If anyone might know about this, it would be him. He probably wouldn't know the intricacies of how this affected my infernal standing, but he had to know something about demon summoning. Dark magic was his specialty. Besides, I wanted more than just his expertise. I suddenly just wanted…well, comfort. I wanted to see him. I wanted him to hold me and reassure me. I needed him to tell me everything was going to be okay.

But the phone rang and rang without answer, sending me to his voice mail's friendly message: "Talk."

So much for that plan. I disconnected and leaned against my counter. Slowly, steadily, I felt my brain waking up, trying to find a scrap of reason through my fear. It wasn't in my nature to be passive. I had to do something about this. I couldn't wait until tonight for answers.

"Let's research this ourselves, Aubrey," I said. The average human knew nothing about the true nature of Heaven and Hell and how we operated. Yet, every once in a while, if you looked hard enough into arcane writings, you could stumble across a piece of truth that some adept mortal had uncovered. Ninety-nine percent of what I'd find would be inaccurate, but an Internet search could uncover some grain of truth about demon summoning. It was a total long shot, but it was the best I could do for now.

Only, when I went to get my laptop, I discovered an unfortunate fact: I'd left it at the bookstore. I groaned. Now what? Another plan shot down.

You idiot , a voice inside me chastised. You're a few blocks away. Get off your ass and get it .

That logic made perfect sense, of course. Until I looked out the window.

The same fear I'd had earlier returned. The cars moving along Queen Anne Avenue seemed too fast, the wind stirring the trees too strong, the people on the sidewalk too dangerous. How could I go out there? How could I put myself at risk? Better to stay in here where it was safe.

And yet…how could I wait around? I was going to go crazy if I sat here. Glancing down at Aubrey, I saw her watching me with her green eyes. She had that infinitely wise look cats had sometimes. It wasn't exactly encouraging, but it soothed me a little.

Okay. I could do this.

I found my coat and started to shape-shift my messy hair into a neat arrangement-except, of course, I immediately realized I couldn't shape-shift it. Not a problem, I assured myself. I did my hair all the time when I wasn't in a rush. This was no different. With a quick dash to the restroom, I brushed my hair into a sleek ponytail and prepared to face the world.

Stepping outdoors, I was blasted with stimuli. I stood on the steps to my building, shell-shocked and unable to move. This had never happened to me. Never, never had I been afraid of the world. I'd always rejoiced in it and been eager to see what it had to offer. Slipping my hand into my purse, I reached for my cigarettes, seeking them like a safety blanket. When I took them out, I realized something else. I wasn't necessarily immune to them anymore. This stasis probably wouldn't last long…but how could I risk it? How could I expose myself to carcinogens when I had no idea how vulnerable I truly was?

Putting the cigarettes back, I took a deep breath and plunged forward.

The distance to the store was barely three blocks, but it felt like miles. I walked as far away as I could from traffic and flinched each time someone passed me. When I finally reached the intersection to cross over to Emerald City, I was sweating. Queen Anne Avenue is not an overly crazy road. This particular spot had three lanes and steady traffic, with a moderate speed of 30 (which meant people could usually be found going 35–40).

Nonetheless, standing there, I might as well have been trying to cross I-5 itself, with five lanes racing in each direction. The crosswalk was red, giving me time to build up courage and remind myself that I'd crossed here hundreds of times-jaywalking more often than not. I was being irrational, freaking out at things I had no business worrying about. The light dinged and gave me the go-ahead.

I set out, each step agony. I'd almost reached the far curb when a Honda turning on red from the cross street suddenly pulled into the intersection, having only checked for cars and not pedestrians. Seeing me, the driver slammed on her brakes a bit more harshly than she probably needed. They squealed, and the car came to a stop about two feet from me. While moderately alarming, this wasn't anything that probably would have scared me too much under ordinary circumstances. The car had stopped, after all, and I was almost across anyway. Yet, I was so on edge already that when I heard the brakes and saw how close she was, I simply froze. I stood there, caught-literally-in the headlights.

I couldn't think or move. It was so stupid. Seven more steps, and I would have been safe. The woman's panic over avoiding me turned to annoyance when she realized I was blocking her way. She pressed down on her horn, which was a particularly loud and obnoxious one. Unfortunately for her, it was ineffectual. If anything, the noise simply froze me up more.

Suddenly, someone grabbed a hold of my arm and started tugging me to the curb. The bitch in the Honda kept honking, and I think I was nearly as startled by it as I was when Seth yelled to her, "Oh, shut up already!"

His steady hands guided me to the sidewalk where I promptly froze up again, oblivious to the curious cars and pedestrians. Cupping my face, he forced me to look up at him. His eyes were like warm molasses, and something about them spread comfort through me and brought me back to myself.

"Georgina, are you okay?"

My whole body trembled, and it took me a moment to gather myself and speak. "I…I think so…"

His voice was so, so gentle when he spoke. "What happened there?"

I blinked back tears. "Nothing…that is…" I couldn't finish. I was going to break down, then and there, right on Queen Anne Avenue. I hated myself for being so weak and scared.

"Never mind," said Seth, taking hold of my arm again. "It doesn't matter. You're safe. Let's go inside."

If any of my co-workers saw Seth leading me through like an invalid, I didn't notice. In fact, I was barely aware of the trek at all until we were inside my office. Seth sat me down and then shut the door. He leaned down toward me.

"Do you need anything? Water? Something to eat?"

Slowly, almost robot-like, I shook my head. "N-no. I…I just came for my laptop."

The normal look of timidity he'd worn around me lately had vanished, replaced by something stern and concerned-something that wouldn't rest until he knew I was okay. He was no longer the shy author who feared looking at me and always gave me a wide berth. He was once again the man I'd dated, the man who'd always been able to read my moods and step up to help.

"Georgina, please. Please tell me what happened."

It looked as though my tears were going to stay away, and now that I was indoors, in familiar territory, I allowed myself to feel a little braver. "Why are you being so nice to me again?"

He frowned. "Why wouldn't I be nice to you?"

"Because…because…I wasn't very nice to you the last time we talked. Even after you gave me the book."

He made a noise in his throat, almost like a laugh, but not quite. "You weren't yourself, not after all those drinks. It's fine."

"I don't know," I said contrarily, "maybe I was myself."

He shook his head. "It wouldn't matter. Now tell me, what happened out there?"

The warmth in his voice, the concern…it was tearing me apart. There was something so familiar and safe about him that I longed for right now, and I couldn't evade him.

"It's…complicated," I said at last.

"Immortal intrigue?"

I nodded, feeling tears well in my eyes again. Fuck. I think half of my emotion now was from the way he was looking at me and had nothing to do with the rest of my life's madness. I stood up and looked away, hoping he wouldn't see my face, but it was no use.

"Georgina, what's happened? You're scaring me."

I dared a glance back. "You…you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

His face was still filled with worry, but the hint of a smile turned up the edges of his lips. "Can you seriously believe that after half the stuff I've seen you go through? Try me."

"Fair enough," I admitted. "But I don't want to get you involved."

"I want to help," he said, moving closer. His voice was like velvet, wrapping me up in softness and security. "Please. Tell me what's going on."

I wanted to tell him there was nothing he could do, but suddenly, words spilled from my lips.

"Jerome got summoned-which means he's trapped somewhere and-"

"Whoa, wait. Summoned? Like in Dr. Faustus ?"

"Um, yeah. And so long as he's gone, we're all in this weird state. Peter calls it 'stasis.' None of us have our pow-abilities anymore. I can't shape-shift. Hugh can't see souls. The only ones who are happy about this are the vampires because they can go in the sun again, which'll probably end up killing them. And if we don't find Jerome soon, someone else is going to take over here, and I really don't want that. And yet…I really don't want to go another second like this either, being in this limbo. I want everything to go back to how it was."

Seth's face was unreadable as he regarded me for several heavy seconds. Finally, he said, "Is it…is it so bad going without shape-shifting?"

I shook my head and began to ramble further. "It's not that. It's the fact that I may not be immortal anymore. I can't…I can't handle that. Coming here was horrible. The walk from my apartment. I'm afraid of everything. It's stupid. I mean, you guys-humans-get by all the time and don't think about it. But I'm scared to leave the house. Scared of what could happen to me. And when that car didn't see me right away-fuck. I just froze. I was paralyzed. God, I feel like an idiot. I must sound crazy."

At long last, a tear leaked out of the corner of one eye, the final stamp on my weakness. Seth reached out and gently wiped it away. He didn't withdraw his hand when finished, though. He slid it to my shoulder and pulled me to him. I rested my head on his chest, swallowing back more tears as I sank into the protection he offered.

"Georgina, Georgina," he murmured, running his hand over my back. "It's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay."

Those words…there was something so wonderful about them, simple as they were. When people are distressed, others have an instinct to want to actually do something tangible to help-men in particular. And there's nothing wrong with that-often, it's very much desired. But what a lot of people don't get is that sometimes, all that's needed is to hear those words: Everything's going to be okay . It's enough to know that someone's there, that someone cares about you. It isn't always about the next logical course of action.

My next words, spoken into his Hong Kong Phooey shirt, came out muffled. "I don't know what's going to happen. With any of this. I'm so scared. I don't think I've been this afraid since I thought Roman was going to kill me."

"Nothing will happen to you. You said yourself this won't last more than a few days. Just wait it out."

"I don't wait very well."

He laughed and leaned his cheek against my forehead. "I know you don't. Don't worry. Most of us do far more dangerous things than walk two blocks, and we survive just fine. Yeah, that car kind of sucked, but even still, nothing happened."

"It's two and a half blocks," I corrected. "Not two."

"Right. I forgot that extra half one where the sharks and land mines are."

I pulled away slightly so that I could look into his face. His arms stayed around me. "I have to find Jerome, Seth."

His smile faded. The worry returned. "Georgina…if you want to stay safe, going after him probably isn't the way to do it. You don't always have to take this stuff on yourself, you know. Let someone else look for him. Stay home."

"That's the thing…I'm not sure anyone will be looking for him. Why would the other demons want him back? They want his territory. They aren't going to be happy if he's found."

Seth sighed. "Great. Now I'm the one worried about you leaving the house."

"Hey, I thought you said everything was going to be okay?"

"Gotta be careful what I say." Eyes thoughtful, he reached up and smoothed some hair on the side of my head. "Why are you so brave?"

I scoffed. "Are you insane? Didn't you just witness my near breakdown?"

"No," he said gently. "That's the thing. You are scared. You don't know what's going on or what could happen to you. Yet, in spite of that fear and uncertainty, you're going to throw yourself out there to hunt him down. No one else would do that, and you do that kind of thing all the time."

Inexplicably, I flushed under his praise. "I was only going to do a Web search."

"You know what I mean. I think you've got more courage than anyone I know-and what's truly amazing is that it's so subtle, hardly anyone ever notices. You do so much, and it goes unseen. I wish I was that brave sometimes."

"You are," I said, growing increasingly unsettled by our proximity. I also noticed then that he was still smoothing my hair back. "What are you doing to my hair? Does it look bad or something?"

"Your hair never looks bad." He dropped his hand sheepishly. "It's just…a little messier than usual."

"I brushed it fifteen minutes ago!"

Seth shrugged. "I don't know. It's just kind of frizzy, but that's probably normal. There's a little humidity out."

"Frizzy? My hair's never frizzy."

"Georgina," he said wearily. "Considering everything else going on, I don't think you need to worry about your hair being frizzy."

"Yeah, yeah. You're right." I made a face. "I just feel like I got a raw deal here. The vampires are having a non-stop party. Me? I somehow get bad hair. Not sure the energy break is really worth it."

Seth tilted his head, face puzzled once more. "Energy break?"

"Yeah. Along with everything else, I lost the need for life energy, so I'm not-"

I stopped. The world stopped.

I met Seth's eyes, those beautiful golden-brown eyes that were filled with utter and complete shock as we both realized the full weight of what I had been about to say. His hold on me stiffened. The casual embrace suddenly became so much more. I was acutely aware of every place we were touching and exactly how much distance was between the places we weren't touching. He felt warm, so wonderfully warm, and every place he touched me tingled-not necessarily in a sexual way but in a Oh my God, it's Seth way. My entire body was on full alert, waiting and watching-and hoping-for him to touch me more.

He swallowed, eyes still wide. "So you aren't…I mean you can…"

"Yeah," I said, my own voice husky. "That's the theory, at least. I haven't really tested it…"

My words faded off because they didn't matter. My relationship with Seth had been plagued with a hundred small problems, everything from communication to trust and the myriad details in between. And always, always underneath that had been the knowledge that we could never be physically close. Oh, we'd been able to hug and do some kissing-there was even a fair amount of tongue we could get away with before my succubus hunger started stealing his life. But ultimate intimacy? Sex? Making love? It was totally off-limits, and that denial had tortured both of us, no matter how much we talked about love being the most important part in a relationship.

And now…here we were. Those barriers were removed. I hadn't tested if my succubus stealing really was gone, but I didn't need to. I could feel it, as Hugh had said. The perpetual craving that always lurked within me was completely dormant. I could touch and kiss anyone without restraint. I could touch and kiss Seth. There was nothing standing between us now.

Well, except for one thing.

A knock sounded on my door. "Georgina? Are you in there?" Maddie called.

It was like cold water in the face. Seth and I sprang apart. He backed toward the door, and I promptly sat down at my desk. My heart was pounding again. Damn it. I was going to have to talk to Hugh and get an anti-anxiety drug. "Yeah, come in," I called.

Maddie stuck her head in, surprised to see both of us. "There you are," she said to Seth. "I just got here and couldn't find you."

Seth was still in shock. "I…yeah…I saw Georgina was here and stopped by…"

Maddie peered at me. "You okay? You look a little worn out." Her eyes flicked to my hair and then back to my face. "Did you just wake up?"

Apparently, I no longer looked like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, which was something. I hadn't liked the way she eyed my hair. "Well, not exactly. It's, uh, been a long day." I stumbled over my words. I was so flustered, I could barely string a coherent response together. Seth's presence was like the sun, blinding me and warming me all over, and Maddie was making me feel guilty and dirty for enjoying that sun.

"Is everything okay with your family?" she asked.

"My-oh, yeah, they're okay. Still just a little crazy, but it'll, um, pass." I stood and picked up the laptop, hoping I sounded casual and calm. I needed to get out before I said something stupid. As it was, I couldn't even make eye contact with Seth now. "I really just came by for this."

Maddie studied me a few seconds longer and must have decided I was more or less telling the truth. She relaxed and seemed oblivious to me trying frantically to get to the door.

"Hey," she said, "I was thinking you might not need to go to California for beaches."

"For…what?"

"Remember our conversation at Mark's?"

"Er, yeah." Miraculously, I did. The condo thing, when I told her I had a beach itch.

"I have the perfect solution: Alki."

"Alki?" asked Seth, confused.

"It's a secret." She winked at me. "I thought that might be a good place to start looking. What do you think?"

"Sure. Sounds great." Alki Beach was a region of West Seattle that stuck out into Puget Sound. While it was a far cry from a Cyprian beach, it was, well, a beach. And if agreeing that it was a good idea would get me to the door…

"Cool! And what about dancing?"

"Huh? What about it?" I probably looked like a deer in the headlights again. This agitated state of mine didn't make for good topic-jumping.

"Teaching salsa. I mentioned it to Beth and Casey, and they were pretty excited."

"Oh. Yeah. Sure. I can do that." I was seriously about to agree to anything to escape.

Her face lit up. "Oh, thank you! Is this week too soon? I bet we could get everyone together on, oh, Thursday."

"Sure, sure, that's fine." I was almost at the door.

"Oh, thank you! This'll be fun. I'll double-check the day with everyone and e-mail you. If something comes up…I mean, I know you're under a lot of stress…"

I waved it off. "It's fine, really. Have a good night, okay?"

I put on a winning smile and quickly walked past both of them. As I stepped out the door, though, I glanced back and met Seth's eyes. My smile faltered. A thousand messages passed between us, just as they used to when we were dating. Only this time, I wasn't sure what any of them were saying.

I kept walking, suddenly realizing I had a lot more than mortality to worry about.