Stone of Tears

Chapter 50

Sister Verna put her hand to the brass lever. The room was shielded. She took a controlled breath and then knocked.

A muffled voice behind the heavy door answered. “Come.”

The shield dissolved. She opened the right side of the double doors and stepped in. Two women sat, each at her own desk, to each side of the door beyond. Both were writing in ledgers. Neither looked up.

“Yes,” the one to the left said as she continued writing, “what is it?”

“I have come to return the journey book, Sister Ulicia.”

Sister Ulicia wet her ringer and flipped a page. “Yes, just put it on the desk. Shouldn’t you be at the banquet in honor of your return? I would think you would want to get reacquainted with old friends.”

Sister Verna clasped her hands. “I have more important matters to attend than banquets. I wish to give the journey book to the Prelate, personally. And I wish to speak with her, Sister Ulicia.”

They both looked up. “Well,” Sister Ulicia said, “the Prelate does not wish to speak with you, Sister Verna. She is a busy woman. She can’t be bothered with unimportant matters.”

“Unimportant! It is not unimportant!”

“Do not raise your voice in this office, Sister Verna,” the other warned. She dipped her pen in an ink bottle and bent back over her writing.

Sister Verna took a step forward. The air between the desks, before the door beyond, shimmered suddenly with a powerful shield that hissed and crackled in warning.

“The Prelate is busy,” Sister Ulicia said. “If she deems your return of consequence, she will send for you.” She pulled a candle closer and bent back to her book. “Just put the journey book on my desk. I will see that it’s returned to her.”

Sister Verna controlled her voice as she gritted her teeth. “I have been broken down to novice.” They both glanced up. “Broken to novice, because I followed the orders of that woman. Despite my pleas and appeals, she forbade me to do my job, my duty, and because of that, I am to be punished! Punished for doing as the Prelate ordered me to do! I will at least hear the reasons!”

Sister Ulicia leaned back in her chair and then turned to the other woman. “Sister Finella, please send a report to the headmistress of the novices. Inform her that novice Verna Sauventreen came to the Prelate’s office without authorization or invitation, and further, she carried on in a tirade unbecoming of a novice hoping one day to be a Sister of the Light.”

Sister Finella shifted herself in annoyance as she glared up at Sister Verna. “My, my, novice Verna, your first day in your pursuit of higher calling, and already you’ve earned a letter of reprimand.” She clicked her tongue. “I do so hope you learn to behave yourself, if you ever hope to be a Sister of the Light.”

“That will be all, novice,” Sister Ulicia said. “You are dismissed.”

Sister Verna turned on her heel. She heard the snap of fingers. She looked back over her shoulder to see Sister Ulicia tapping the corner of her desk.

“The journey book. And I don’t believe that is the way a novice departs when she is dismissed by a Sister. Is it, novice?”

Sister Verna pried the small black book from behind her belt and gently set it on the corner of the desk.

“No, Sister, it is not.” She curtsied. “Thank you, Sisters, for your time.”

Sister Verna sighed to herself as she closed the door against her back. She stood for a moment, considering.

Eyes to the floor before her, she made her way back through the palace, down halls both opened and closed, both stone and paneled, across floors carpeted and tiled. Rounding a corner, she came suddenly upon someone. She looked up into a face she had been hoping not to see.

He smiled in a familiar manner. “Verna! How good to see you!”

His young, square-jawed face looked unchanged. His wavy brown hair was worn a little longer over his ears than before, and his shoulders were broader than she remembered. She had to restrain herself from touching his cheek, from falling into his arms.

She bowed her head. “Jedidiah.” She gazed up into his brown eyes. “You look fit. You look . . . the same as you have always looked. You wear the time well.”

“You look . . . I guess . . .”

“The word you are searching for is old. I look old.”

“Ah, Verna. A few wrinkles—” He glanced down her body, “—a few pounds, do not diminish a beauty such as yours.”

“I see your tongue is still in good form around women.” She glanced to his plain, tan robes. “And I can see you’ve been a good student, as always, and have managed to advance yourself. I’m proud of you, Jedidiah.”

He shrugged off the compliment and pressed his fingers together. “Tell me about the new one you brought in.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You’ve not seen me in twenty-odd years, since I rose from your bed to go on my journey, and that is your question for me? Not, how have I fared? Not, how do I feel about you after all this time? Not, has your heart found another? Well, I guess the shock of seeing how I’ve aged has made those questions fly right from your head.”

The sly smile stayed on his lips. “Verna, you’re not a silly girl. Surely you must realize that in the passing of so much time, neither of us could be expected to . . .”

“Of course I know that! I had no delusions of us. I had simply hoped to return and be treated with a little tact and sensitivity.”

He shrugged again. “I’m sorry, Verna. I always thought of you as a woman who appreciated candor, one who had no use for word sports.” His eyes went out of focus. “I guess I’ve learned so much about . . . life . . . since back then, when I was so young.”

She removed her glare from his handsome face and started away. “Good night, Jedidiah.”

“What of my question?” His voice had an unpleasant edge to in. He softened it. “What’s the new one like?”

She halted, but didn’t turn. “You were there. I saw you. What you saw of Richard is what he is.”

“I also saw what happened to you. I’m gaining a little influence among some of the Sisters. Maybe I can do something to help you with your situation.” He gestured vaguely with a hand. “If you’re open with me, and satisfy my curiosity, maybe I can help you out of your unfortunate predicament.”

She started out again. “Good night, Jedidiah.”

“I’ll be seeing you around the palace, Verna. Think on it.”

She couldn’t believe how ignorant she had been all those years ago. She remembered Jedidiah as caring and sincere. Maybe her memory was addled.

Maybe she was just thinking of herself, and hadn’t given him the chance to be kinder. She must look a mess. She should have cleaned herself up, put on a nice dress, at least fixed her unruly hair, before she saw Jedidiah. But she had not had the chance.

Maybe if she had touched his cheek, he would have remembered the spark of something, maybe remembered the tears he shed the day she left, and the promises he had made. Promises she knew the moment they left his lips would be broken before their echo faded, so long ago.

She came to the hall that led to the novices’ apartments. She stood looking down at the doors. She was tired. Sunup to sundown in the stables was going to be exhausting. She turned the other way, instead. She had one other thing to do before she slept.

Pasha came to a stop before a doorway with a casing of stone, carved to look like vines. Nestled in the center of the stone vines was a large, round-topped, fumed oak door.

Pasha lifted an eyebrow to him. “Your dungeon.”

“There’s no bolt on the outside of the door. How will you lock me in?”

She seemed surprised by the question. “We don’t lock our boys in. You’re free to come and go as you please.”

Richard frowned. “You mean I’m free to roam this building?”

“No. You’re free to go wherever you wish. You may go most anywhere in the palace, or into the city, if you wish. Most of the boys spend a great deal of their time in the city.”

Her face reddened a little at the last of what she said, and she looked away from his face.

“What about the country around the city?”

She shrugged, and then pulled the shoulder of her blue dress back up a little. “Of course. I don’t know why you would want to go into the countryside, none of the other boys do, but there’s nothing stopping you from going outside either the palace or the city.”

A worried wrinkle came to her brow. “But you must stay clear of the Hagen Woods. It is extremely dangerous. Were you warned about the Hagen Woods? Were you shown where it is while you journeyed to the palace?”

Richard nodded. “How far may I go into the countryside?”

“The Rada’Han will prevent you from going too far afield; we must be able to find you, but the limit is a good number of miles in a radius around the Palace of the Prophets.”

“How many miles?”

“Farther than you would want to go. I expect almost all the way to the land of the savages.”

“You mean the Baka Ban Mana.”

She nodded. “Nearly that far, I would expect.”

“Unguarded?”

She put her hands on her hips. “You are assigned to me. I will accompany you most everywhere you go, for now. After our boys are more experienced, they go off on their own when they wish.”

“Whenever I want, I can simply wander around?”

“Well, you live here, at the palace, of course. And you must be around for your lessons. I will give you lessons, and so will a number of the Sisters. We will teach you to touch your Han, and then once you are able to do that, we will begin to teach you how to control it.”

“Why different Sisters? Why not just one, or you?”

“Because sometimes the Han of certain people works better together. Also, the Sisters have more experience than me, have more knowledge. There may be one or several of us who are better able to help you, and so different Sisters give you lessons, until we discover with whom you work best.”

“Will Sister Verna be one of those?”

Pasha gave him a look from under her eyebrows. “Verna is no longer a Sister. She is no longer entitled to the appellation. She is a novice, now, and should be addressed simply as Verna. Novices, other than the one assigned to you—that is me—are not allowed to give lessons. Novices of the first rank, like Verna, are not allowed to have anything to do with our boys. The duty of a novice is to learn, not to teach.”

Richard didn’t think he could ever think of Sister Verna as simply Verna. It sounded too strange to him. “When will she be a Sister again?”

“She must serve as a novice, and advance as any other novice. I started scrubbing pots in the kitchens when I was little. It has taken me this long to be given this chance. One day, if Verna works as hard as I have, then she, too, will have the chance to be a Sister of the Light. Until then, Verna is a novice.”

Richard fumed at the thought of Sister Verna being demoted on his account. By the time she was again a Sister, she would be an old woman. He changed the subject. “And why are we allowed to roam around?”

“Because you are not a danger to the people. Someday, when you learn to control your Han, then you begin to have limits placed on where you may go. The people in the city are afraid of boys who can wield the power—unfortunate incidents have happened in the past—and so once a boy becomes skilled at handling his Han, he is then restricted from the city. As the boys advance as wizards, they are placed under more restrictions, until near the end, and their release, when they are confined to certain areas of the palace.

“But for now, you’re free to go almost anywhere you wish. I will know where you are all the time, by your Rada’Han.”

“You mean any Sister can find me by this cursed thing?”

“No, only the one who gave it to you, because she held it and recognizes its power, and since I’m in charge of you, I must be able to know where you are at all times, so I will need to allow my Han to recognize your Rada’Han’s unique feel.”

She pushed the door open and went into the dark room. With a sweep of her arm, lamps set all around the room sprang to flame.

“You must teach me that trick,” he muttered.

“It’s not a trick. It’s simply my Han. And that’s the simplest of many things I will teach you.”

The ceiling of the huge room was painted around its molding with different-colored lines in intricate patterns. The walls were paneled in cherry of a warm color. Tall windows hung with rich, deep blue moire drapes looked out on the night. There was a fireplace, with a white column to each side. Most of the wood floor was covered with thick carpets. Comfortable-looking chairs and couches were placed about the room, and arranged in front of the fireplace.

Richard thought that his whole house would fit twice into the room. He slipped the pack off his back and leaned it against the wall next to the fireplace. He stood the quiver of arrows and the unstrung bow beside it.

He went to the right, to a set of double doors made up of small panes of glass and covered over with sheer, cream-colored curtains. Beyond the doors was an expansive balcony overlooking the city. Stone urns filled with flowers were set about the slate floor of the balcony. He put his fingers to the marble railing as he looked to his right, past the sparkling lights of the city, to the hills from where he had come.

“The sunsets are beautiful from this balcony,” Pasha said.

Richard wasn’t interested in sunsets. He studied the courtyard below, the gates, the roads, the patrolling soldiers, and the bridges to the city and the hills beyond. He tried to fix a map of it all into his head.

He went back inside and marched to the other end of the room, to the doorway there. Beyond was a bedroom almost as large as the first room. It held the largest bed he had ever seen, covered with a deep purple quilt. Another pair of glassed doors led to another balcony, but this one looked south, out over the sea.

“It’s a beautiful view,” Pasha said. “A romantic view.” She saw that he was looking to the sections of the palace below. She pointed. “Across that courtyard are some of the women’s quarters, where most of the Sisters’ rooms are.” She shook the finger at him. “You will stay away from them, young man!” She turned away. “Unless a Sister invites you to her room,” she added under her breath.

“What do I call you,” he asked. “Sister Pasha?”

She giggled. “No. I’m a novice, though I hope to become a Sister if I prove myself with you. Until then, I am simply Pasha.”

Richard turned to her, directing a glare to her eyes. “My name is Richard. Do you have trouble remembering it?”

“Look here, you are assigned to me and . . .”

“If that is too difficult for you to remember, you have no chance of ever becoming a Sister, because if you insist on trying to demean me by calling me by other than my name, I will see to it that you quickly fail in your test.” He leaned over her as he glowered down at her wide eyes. “Do you understand, Pasha!”

She swallowed. “You will not raise your voice to me, young . . .” She lifted her chin a little. “You will not raise your voice to me, Richard.”

“That’s better. Thank you.” He hoped she would leave it at that; he was in no mood to be kind if she was not.

He turned away. This balcony held less of a view of the things he was interested in, and so he went back into the bedroom.

She followed on his heels. “Look here, Richard, you will learn some manners or else I will . . .”

That was the end of his indulgence. He spun to her. She lurched to a halt, almost colliding with him.

“You’ve never been in charge of anyone before, have you?” She didn’t move. “I would say that this is the first time you have been given responsibility, and you are terrified you will muck it up. Since you are inexperienced, you think acting like a tyrant will fool people into thinking you know what you are doing.”

“Well, I . . .”

Her voice trailed off as he leaned down, putting his face close to hers.

“You should not be frightened of letting me see that you are inexperienced at commanding people, Pasha. What you should be frightened of is that I will kill you.”

Her eyes narrowed with indignation. “Don’t you dare threaten me.”

“This is a game to you. A way for you to fulfill some arcane rules by prancing around, pulling your little puppy around by his collar, and training him to lick your hand, so you may gain a new rank.”

He gritted his teeth as he lowered his voice. “It is not a game to me, Pasha. It’s a matter of life and death. I am a prisoner, held in a collar, as a beast, or a slave. I have only as much control of my life as you people allow. I know I am to be tortured by you as a way of breaking my will.

“You are wrong, Pasha, if you think that I’m making a threat. I’m not. I am making a promise.”

“I’m not what you think of me, Richard,” she said in a small voice. “I want to be your friend.”

“You are not my friend. You are my captor.” He held a finger up in front of her face. “Don’t you ever turn your back on me, because I will kill you, just as I killed the last person who held me prisoner in a collar.”

She blinked up at him. “Richard, I don’t know what happened to you before, but we’re not like that. I want to be a Sister of the Light to help people see the Creator’s goodness.”

Richard was dangerously close to letting the magic slip from his control. He struggled to maintain his grip. He had other things to do. “I am not interested in your theology. Just remember what I told you.”

She smiled. “I will. I apologize for making you angry by calling you other than by your name. Please forgive me. I’ve never done this before. I was only doing as I thought I should, following the rules, as I was trained.”

“Forget the rules. Just be yourself, and you will have less trouble in life.”

“If that would help you believe that I’m only trying to help you, then that’s what I shall do.” She pointed. “Here. Sit on the edge of the bed.”

“Why?”

Though she didn’t move, he felt a gentle push. He fell back, to sit on the edge of the bed. “Don’t . . .”

She stepped between his legs, close to him.

“Hush. Let me do my job. I told you before, I must let my Han come to know your Rada’Han, so I will know where you are at all times.”

She put her hands to each side of his neck, over the collar. She closed her eyes. Her breasts were right in front of his face, moving with each breath. He felt a soft tingling sensation that sank all the way to his toes and then came back up through him. It was slightly uncomfortable, but not unpleasant, and in fact the longer it went on, the better it felt.

When she took her hands away, the absence of the sensation was agony for a moment. The world seemed to hum and spin. He shook his head.

“What did you do?”

“I simply let my Han come to know your Rada’Han.” She looked a little dazed. She swallowed as a tear ran down her cheek. “And something of your Han, your essence.”

She turned away. Richard stood.

“Does that mean that you will always know where I am, now? By my collar?”

She nodded weakly as she strode slowly across the room. Her voice regained its control. “What are your preferences, for food? Your special requirements?”

“I don’t eat meat.”

She stopped in her tracks. “That’s one I’ve never heard before.”

“And, I guess I don’t like cheese anymore, either.”

She considered a moment, and then walked on. “I will tell the cooks your special requirements.”

A plan was forming in his head, and she wasn’t part of it. He needed to get rid of her.

Pasha went to a tall, pickled-pine wardrobe. It was filled with fine clothes. There were trousers of a smooth weave, at least a dozen shirts, mostly white, some with ruffles, and coats of every color.

“These are yours,” she said.

“If everyone was surprised I was grown, why are they a size of a grown man?”

She inspected the various items, feeling the fabric, taking some out and holding them up for a better look. “Someone must have known. Verna must have told them.”

“Sister Verna.”

She put a black coat back. “I’m sorry, Richard, but it is just Verna, now.” She pulled out a white shirt. “Do you like this?”

“No. I would look foolish wearing fancy things like that.”

She smiled coquettishly. “I think you would look very handsome in it. But if it doesn’t please you, there are coins on the table over there. I’ll show you some shops in the city, and you may purchase whatever you like better.”

Richard glanced to the marble-topped table. There was a silver bowl of silver coins, and next to it, a gold bowl heaped full with gold coins. If he worked his whole life as a guide, he would never earn even half that much gold.

“It’s not mine.”

“Of course it is. You’re a guest of the palace, and the palace provides whatever our guests require. If you use that up, it will be replaced.” She pulled out a red coat with gold brocade on the shoulders and cuffs. Her eyes brightened. “Richard, this would look simply grand on you.”

“Even if you cover a collar with precious gems, it’s still a collar.”

“This has nothing to do with your Rada’Han. What you’re wearing is disgusting. You look like some savage from the woods.” She held the red coat open. “Here, try this on.”

He snatched the coat from her hands and threw it on the bed. Gripping her by the arm, he marched her to the door in the front room.

“Richard! Stop it! What are you doing!”

He pulled the door open. “I’m tired, it’s been a long day. Good night, Pasha.”

“Richard, I’m only trying to help you look better. You look uncivilized in that outfit. You look like some huge beast.”

He went calm as he took in her blue dress, blue the color of Kahlan’s wedding dress.

“That color does not become you,” he said. “Does not become you at all.”

She stood in the hall, staring at him with big brown eyes. He kicked the door shut.

He waited a few minutes, and then checked the hall. There was no sign of her. He went to his pack, beside the fireplace, and started taking things out. He wouldn’t need everything. No need carrying all his extra clothes.

As he was stretching the string to the bow, there was a soft rap at the door. He crept across the carpets, listening. Maybe she would go away if he didn’t answer it. He didn’t need her hanging around, telling him what to wear. He had important things to do.

The soft knock came again. Maybe it wasn’t Pasha. Richard pulled his knife. He yanked the door open.

“Sister Verna.”

“I just saw Pasha, running down the hall in tears. I’m surprised at you, Richard.” She lifted an eyebrow to him. “I didn’t think it would take you that long. I’ve been hiding around a corner, afraid I would be caught while I waited.” A shawl capped her curly hair and spread down over her shoulders. “Did you have to make her cry?”

“She is fortunate I didn’t make her bleed.”

She lifted the shawl from her head and settled it around her shoulders. A small smile touched her lips. “May I come in?” He held out his arm in invitation. “And it is simply Verna,” she said as she stepped through the threshold. “I am not a Sister.”

He slipped the knife back into its sheath. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I could bring myself to call you anything else. To me, you are Sister Verna.”

“It is not proper to address me as Sister.” She looked around the room as’lie closed the door. “How are the accommodations?”

“They would not embarrass a king. Sister Verna, I know you won’t believe me, but I’m really sorry about what happened. I didn’t mean to bring my troubles down on you.”

A broad grin spread on her face. “You have been a constant trouble to me, Richard, but, for once, this trouble was not caused by you. Another brought this trouble upon me.”

“Sister, I know I caused you to be broken to a novice. I didn’t intend that. But the part about you being sent to work in the stables, that was your own doing.”

“Things are not always as they seem, Richard.” There was a twinkle in her eye. “I hate scrubbing pots. When I was a novice, when I was young, I hated that more than anything else. I’m not happy in a kitchen, and less so with my hands in scalding water.

“I like horses much better. They don’t talk back, or argue with me. I like being around horses. More so, since you destroyed the bits and I became friends with Jessup. Sister Maren thought she held the reins, as it were, but she was doing what I wished.”

Richard smiled with one side of his mouth. “You are a very devious woman, Sister Verna. I’m proud of you. But I’m still sorry you are put back to novice because of me.”

She shrugged. “I am here to serve the Creator. It matters not how. And this is not your doing; the Prelate’s orders are what caused me to be broken to a novice.”

“You mean the orders she wrote in the book? She forbade you from using your power on me, didn’t she?”

“How do you know that?”

“I figured it out. You were often angry enough to spit fire at me, but you never used your power to stop me. I don’t think that would have happened unless you were under orders to watch but not to interfere. After all, if the Rada’Han is used to control, why else would you not use that control?”

She shook her head to herself. “You are a very devious person yourself, Richard. How long have you known?”

“Since I read the book in the tower. Why are you here, Sister?”

“I wanted to see if you were all right. Starting tomorrow, I won’t get the chance again. At least not for a very long time—not until I’m raised to Sister of the Light again. First-rank novices aren’t allowed to have anything to do with young wizards. The penalty is quite severe.”

“Your first day as a novice, and already you’re breaking the rules. You shouldn’t be here. You’ll be up to your elbows in scalding water and dirty pots if they catch you.”

She shrugged. “Some things are more important than rules.”

Richard frowned at the distant look in her eyes. “Why don’t you sit?”

“I don’t have time. I only came to keep a promise.” She pulled something from a pocket. “And to bring you this.”

She lifted his hand and placed something in it, then closed his fingers around it.

When Richard opened his fingers and looked, his knees almost buckled.

It was the lock of Kahlan’s hair he had thrown away.

Sister Verna clasped her hands together. “The first night, the first night we were together, I found that.”

Without looking up, he whispered, “What do you mean, you found it?”

She leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. “After you fell asleep, after you decided not to kill me, I went for a walk, and I found it.”

His eyes slid closed. “I can’t take this,” he managed to make himself say. “I have set her free.”

“Kahlan made a great sacrifice to save your life. I promised her that I would not let you forget that she loves you.”

Richard’s strength had vanished. The muscles in his legs quivered. His hand shook.

“I can’t take this. She sent me away. I have set her free.”

Sister Verna spoke softly. “She loves you, Richard. Please, as a favor to me, take it. I have violated the rules to bring this to you. I made a promise to Kahlan to make sure you know she loves you. I was reminded again today what a rare thing real love is.”

Richard felt as if the whole weight of the palace had fallen down on him.

“All right, Sister. As a favor to you. But I know she doesn’t want me. If you love someone, you don’t ask them to put a collar around their neck; you don’t send them away. She wishes to be free. I love her, and so I have set her free.”

“Someday, Richard, I hope you will realize how much she has sacrificed, and the truth of her love. Love is a precious thing, and should not be forgotten. I don’t know what your life holds in store, but someday you will find love again.

“But, I think you need a friend more than anything else right now. I’m sincere in my offer, Richard.”

“Will you take this collar off me?”

She was silent a moment. Her voice came heavy with regret. “I cannot, Richard. It would bring you to harm. I have a duty to preserve your life. The collar must stay on.”

He nodded. “I have no friends. I am in enemy territory, in enemy hands.”

“That’s not true. But I’m afraid that, as a novice, I won’t have the chance to convince you otherwise. Pasha looks like a nice young woman. Try to make friends with her, Richard. You need a friend.”

“I can’t make friends with someone I may have to kill. I meant every word I said today, Sister.”

“I know, Richard,” she whispered. “I know. But Pasha is almost your age. Sometimes, it’s easier to make friends with those your own age. I think she would like to be your friend.

“For a novice, this is as important a time as it is for a young wizard. The relationship between a novice and the wizard she is assigned is unique. The bond that will grow is very special, and will last the lifetime of each.

“She, too, is frightened. Her whole life, she has been a student, a novice. Now, for the first time, she is the teacher. Not only the boy learns, but the girl, too. They both are entering a new life. It is a very special thing, for both.”

“Slave and master. That is the only bond.”

She sighed. “I doubt any novice has ever faced a task like the one Pasha will have. Try to be understanding of her, Richard. Pasha is going to have her hands full with you. The Creator knows the Prelate herself would have her hands full with you.”

Richard stared off at nothing. “Have you ever killed anyone you loved, Sister?”

“Well, no . . .”

Richard lifted the Agiel in his fist. “Denna held me by my magic, as do the Sisters. She kept a collar around my neck, as do the Sisters.

“They had tortured her until she was mad enough to do the same to me. I understood how she could do it, because I would have done anything she said, to keep from being hurt anymore.”

He was hardly aware of the pain from the Agiel ripping through him.

“I understood her, and I loved her.” A tear ran down his face. “That was the only way I was able to escape. She controlled the rage of the sword. Because I was able to love her, I was able to turn the blade of the Sword of Truth white.”

“Dear Creator,” Sister Verna whispered, her eyes wide, “you have turned the sword’s blade white?”

Richard closed his eyes and nodded. “I had to take the love of her into my heart. Only then could I turn the blade white. Only then could I run it through her while she looked lovingly into my eyes. Only because I loved her, could I kill her, and escape.

“As long as I live, I will never be able to forgive myself.”

Sister Verna embraced him protectively. “Dear Creator,” she whispered, “what have you done to your child?”

Richard pushed her away. “Go, Sister, before you get into trouble.” He wiped his eyes. “I’m being foolish.”

She gripped his shoulders. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

He wiped his sleeve across his nose. “It’s not something I’m proud of. And you are the enemy, Sister.” He looked to her wet eyes. “I’ve told you the truth, I told the other Sisters the truth today; I will kill anyone I must. Sister, I’m capable of killing anyone. I’m the bringer of death. I’m a monster. That’s why Kahlan wanted me sent away.”

She brushed his hair back from his face. “She loves you, Richard. She was trying to save your life. Someday you will see that.” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I must go. Will you be all right?”

His smile was empty. “I don’t think so, Sister. I think there is going to be war. I think I’m going to end up killing Sisters. I hope you aren’t one of them.”

She wiped her fingers across his cheek. “We never know what the Creator has in store for us.”

“If this Creator of yours has any power, I think you’ll be restored to Sister a lot sooner than you think, Sister.”

“I must go. Good luck to you, Richard. Have faith.”

As soon as she was gone he threw his cloak around his shoulders and put on his pack. He had to act now, while they were still afraid of him, while they were still unsure. He checked that the sword was clear in its scabbard. He hooked the quiver on his pack and shouldered his bow as he moved out onto the balcony.

With a running knot, Richard attached the rope to the stone railing. He put his knife between his teeth, and then slipped over the edge, into the darkness, into his element.