Spider Bight

Chapter Five

Emi awoke the next morning pleasantly achy and sore and apparently not asphyxiated by Caph’s intermittent noxious emissions during the night. Her men, still sound asleep, bore peaceful expressions she didn’t have the heart to disrupt.

Carefully, she extracted herself from them and grabbed a quick shower. She donned a casual uniform and headed to the galley to make the coffee.

The Java Max Excel 10k coffeemaker sat in its place of honor on the counter. She and Ford wouldn’t be able to survive a day in space without coffee.

She grabbed a canister of coffee from the cabinet and found a filter and the scoop. When she opened the machine’s basket to put the filter and grounds in, however, she found a nasty surprise.

A large, black spider sprang out of the basket at her.

Emi let out a bloodcurdling scream and scrambled backward away from it, the filter, basket, and scoop flying in one direction, and the open canister of ground coffee spraying all over the galley. She tripped over one of the galley chairs and landed on her butt in a shower of grounds. The spider landed on the floor in front of her. Emi left a trail in the spilled coffee as she frantically scrabbled away from it.

As her racing pulse slowed, she heard the men pounding down the hallway toward the galley. Aaron and Ford were first through the door. All three were naked.

“What the fuck happened?” Aaron yelled. “You okay, Em?”

Emi belatedly realized the damn spider was, in fact, made out of rubber. As she looked around at the mess she’d made, she spotted Ford’s concerned frown…

And Caph’s playful grin. A wave of pleased humor hit her from the large man and she immediately pieced together what had happened.

“Caph, I’m gonna fucking kill your ass!”

Ford looked confused as the big man started laughing so hard he doubled over. “What happened?” Ford asked as he walked over to her and helped her to her feet. He brushed coffee grounds off her uniform.

From the doorway, Caph wheezed with laughter and shook his head.

Aaron, stepping carefully to avoid the spilled coffee grounds, picked up the spider and held it up for Ford to see. “The practical joker is back.”

Caph howled with laughter and slid down the wall.

Ford sadly surveyed the spilled coffee and shook his head. “What a waste.” As dedicated a coffee drinker as Emi, to him it was practically sacrilege for it to be wasted like that. He took the spider from Aaron. “I wondered where Bucky had gotten to. We haven’t seen him in a couple of years, have we?”

“Bucky?” Emi asked.

Aaron frowned at Caph, who still giggled by the counter. “Yeah, Bucky the rubber spider. It’s sort of Caph’s tradition. He’s been getting me and Ford with him at least once a year on average for nearly as long as we’ve been together.”

Emi snatched the spider from Ford and jammed it in one of the outer pockets of her pants. “Not funny, Caph!”

He managed to get to his feet, still occasionally snorting. “Happy Halloween, babe. It was hysterical from this end. You should see your face.”

She swatted his naked shoulder. “You think it’s so funny, you get to clean up that mess.”

Aaron yawned. “She’s got a point.” He leveled a serious gaze at Caph. “Clean it up. Now.”

“Okay, okay. I will. Let me go pull some clothes on—”

“Now, Caph,” Aaron said.

Caph sighed. “Yes, mon captain.”

Ford frowned. “Can’t believe you baited the coffeemaker. Is nothing sacred anymore? The coffeemaker should be off-limits.”

Emi found the scoop, basket, and filter where they’d landed on the floor. Then she grabbed a different canister of coffee. “And when you finish that, you get your ass out to the store and buy us five pounds of coffee to replace it. I got that over in H Dome, at Haverty’s. That’s the only place that sells dark Columbian Java roast around here.”

Caph looked at Aaron. “Aw, that’s on the other side of the complex. That’ll take me all morning. I still have to go through the weapons systems checks.”

“Then you should have thought of that sooner,” Aaron said. “I wouldn’t argue with the ship’s doctor, if I were you. Not after you fucked with her coffee. That in and of itself is dangerous.”

Ford still sadly stared at the spilled coffee scattered across the galley floor. “What a waste.” He looked up at Caph. “I love you, buddy, but if Emi and Aaron weren’t here, you’d have a shiner. You don’t fuck with a man’s coffee. It’s just not right.”

Caph rolled his eyes and headed over to the cleaning cabinet. “Fine, I get it. Coffeemaker’s off-limits.” He grabbed a broom and dustpan. “Oh, can I have Bucky back?”

The other three shouted in unison, “No!”

Emi glared at Caph. “Bucky can stay with me for the duration,” she said.

Caph looked close to pouting. If it hadn’t been for the fact that it was the coffeemaker he’d booby-trapped, she might have relented. “Aw, babe, he’s like one of the family. He’s over twenty years old. You can’t toss him into the disposal.”

That’s exactly where she’d been planning on tossing him at her first opportunity, but the sad tone in Caph’s voice softened her. “I won’t toss him, big guy. I promise. But he stays with me until I say otherwise.”

Emi didn’t see Caph most of the day. She was too busy going through her sick bay and medical inventories, then helping Ford with his cargo inventories. She knew Caph had left the ship on the shopping run to replace their coffee, because she sensed him leave due to the chip. She wasn’t paying attention when he returned a few hours later. She just suddenly realized he was back.

Before dinner, Caph hunted her down in sick bay. He pulled her to him and kissed her, melting her and sending damp warmth to her pussy. “Am I forgiven, babe?”

“I don’t know. Did you get me and Ford our coffee?”

“Not only did I get your coffee, I got fifteen pounds of it, as well as an assortment of some new flavors they got in their shipment this week.”

She smiled and relaxed against him. “Then you’re forgiven, big guy.” Who was she kidding? She couldn’t stay mad at any of her men, and especially not her big, sweet goofball.

“Does that mean I can have Bucky back now?”

She snorted. “Nice try. Hell no. You’ll get him back when I say so.” She hadn’t decided the best way to get Caph back yet, but Bucky would be part of her revenge. For now, she’d keep the rubber spider close in her pants pocket.

Caph tried the pouty lip on her. “Aw, come on, babe. I said I’m sorry.”

“Yes, you did. And I forgive you.” She pecked him on the lips before slipping free. “And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t argue the point with me. I won’t get rid of him. I promise.”

“Oh, they still have Bucky?” Delaney didn’t appear anything but amused when Emi related the story to her the next afternoon.

“Yes,” Emi grumbled.

Delaney smiled. “It’s been a tradition with them for a lot of years.” They were dining at a café not too far from the hangars. The men would join them shortly. Markkus would have joined them, too, but he’d been called in to work on an emergency.

“So I heard.” She pulled the rubber spider out of her pocket. For now, it wasn’t leaving her sight. She wouldn’t put it past Caph to steal it the first chance he got. And if she lost it, no telling where the rubber arachnid would appear next, knowing Caph.

Delaney took it from her and examined it. Black rubber legs made to look fuzzy. An exaggerated, rotund body, and beady, red eyes. It was as big as Emi’s hand and its long, wiggly legs unsettled her.

“It is an ugly thing, isn’t it?” She handed it back to Emi.

“Yes.” Emi jammed it back in her pocket when she saw the men pass the café’s windows. “I’m not letting Caph have it back before I get him.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know yet. I haven’t decided.” She looked up as the men walked over to the table. She slid around the corner booth to make room. They each leaned in and kissed Delaney on the cheek before sitting down.

“Hi, Mom,” they chanted in unison.

Delaney laughed. “I always did love that. And congratulations on winning the costume contest.”

Ford preened. “I told the guys it would win us the trophy. Finally.”

“He’s been wanting to win that damn trophy for years,” Delaney told Emi.

Ford beamed. “Now it’s proudly sitting in our quarters.”

Delaney leveled her gaze across the table at Caph. “Caph, my son, you sure love to live dangerously, don’t you?”

He blushed. “Aw, I told her I was sorry for Bucky. She won’t give him back.”

“You’ll get him back when I say so,” Emi said, “and not a second sooner.”

“You don’t sabotage someone’s coffee,” Delaney continued with a mock scowl. “You’re lucky it was Emi and not Ford who found it. I’d be visiting you in the hospital, otherwise.”

“You’ve got that right,” Ford grumbled. “Coffee is supposed to be sacrosanct. Messing with a person’s coffee is the equivalent of replacing a guy’s lube with glue. Might look funny at the time, but someone’s liable to get their ass kicked in retaliation.”