Something M.Y.T.H. Inc.

FOURTEEN

We are waitin' when the Boss emerges from Grimble's office. As Aahz predicted, the sack he is carryin' is substantially larger than the ones given to Nunzio and me, to a point where he is usin' two hands to carry it.

He strides on past us without so much as a 'Hello,' which, to say the least, is quite unlike him.

Nunzio and I exchange glances, then fall in behind him. Truth to tell, I do not think he is even aware we are there. He just marches along kind of mutterin' to himself without lookin' either left or right. Naturally, the procession we are makin' draws a certain amount of attention, but the people who notice us take one look at the Boss's expression and leave us alone.

The silence lasts until we reach the door of the Boss's room. Then, as he's openin' the door, he seems to notice us for the first time, raisin' his eyebrows like we had just interrupted him in the middle of something.

"You gonna want us for anything, Boss?" I sez, just to start the conversation. "You want we should wait around out here?"

"Whatever, Guido," he sez with a wave, not even lookin' at us. "I'm going to be here for a while, though, if you want to get something to eat. I've got a lot to think over."

Now, even though we have gotten him safely back to his room, I find I am not wild about leavin' him alone.

"Oh, we already ate," I sez. "So we'll just..."

I realize at this point that I am talkin' to the door, which the Boss has just shut in my face.

"... Set fire to the palace and roast a couple hot dogs," I finish with a grimace.

"See what I mean?" Nunzio sez. "This is the way it's been around here since you left for your assignment. Sometimes he talks your ear off, and then the next time you see him, it's like you don't exist."

"He does seem a little distracted," I sez.

"A little distracted?" Nunzio shoots back. "If he was any more out of it, he wouldn't know if he was wearing his clothes backward."

"Check me on this, cuz," I sez, ignorin' his attempts at humor. "Have you ever seen anyone so upset just after pickin' up their pay?"

"Not really, now that you mention it," he sez, frownin' slightly. "It was like something about getting paid upset him. You think maybe they shorted him with extra deductions?"

"C'mon, Nunzio," I sez. "Who's gonna short him? The Queen is tryin' to get him to marry her and Grimble is scared to death of him. Besides, did you see the size of that bag? He could barely carry it. That sure didn't look like a short payday to me."

"Well, something has him upset," Nunzio sez. "Maybe Grimble said something to him that hit him wrong."

We was still talkin' about this when the Boss opens his door.

"Guido! Nunzio!" he sez. "Come in here for a second."

We follow him into the room, and he sits down at his desk, the sack with his pay in it still on the desktop in front of him.

"I've got a little assignment for you boys," he sez with a smile.

"Sure, Boss," we say together.

"But first, I want to check something. As long as I've known you, you've both made it clear that, in the past, you've had no qualms about bending the rules as situations called for it—working outside the law, as it were. Is that correct?"

"That's right."

"No problem."

"All right. The job I have for you is to be done secretly, without anybody knowing that I'm behind it. Not even Aahz or Bunny. Understand?"

Now, this does not sound good. I haven't been all that happy keepin' the real reason for my investigations from the Boss, but him includin' me and Nunzio in secrets he is keepin' from Aahz and the rest of the team is downright creepy.

Still, I hide my discomfort and nod.

"Okay. Here's the job," he sez, pushin' the bag forward. "I want you to take this money and get rid of it."

To say the least, this is an unusual concept. I sneak a peek at Nunzio to see how he's reactin', only to find him lookin' back at me.

"I don't quite get you, Boss," I sez, careful-Iike. "What do you want us to do with it?"

"I don't care and I don't want to know," he sez. "I just want this money back in circulation within the kingdom. Spend it or give it to charity. Better still, figure some way of passing it around to those people who have been complaining that they can't pay their taxes."

I am extremely confused at this. I look openly at Nun-zio for help, but he just shrugs.

"I dunno, Boss," I sez finally. "It don't seem right, somehow. I mean, we're supposed to be collectin' taxes from people ... not givin' it to them."

"What Guido means," Nunzio sez, "is that our speciality is extractin' funds from people and institutions. Gi-vin' it back is a little out of our line."

"Well then I guess it's about time you expanded your horizons," the Boss sez, firm-like. "Anyway, that's the assignment. Understand?"

There's only one acceptable answer to that.

"Yes, Boss," we sez together, but not real enthusiastic.

"And remember, not a word about this to the rest of the team."

"If you say so, Boss."

I pick up the bag with my good hand. It is impressively heavy, and I decide to give it one more try.

"Ummm ... Are you sure you want to do this, Boss?" I sez. "It don't seem right, somehow. Most folks would have to work for a lifetime to earn this much money."

"That's the point," he sez, almost to himself.

"Huh?"

"Never mind," he sez. "I'm sure. Now do it. Okay?"

"Consider it done."

Neither of us said anything until we were back in Nun-zio's room, each of us lost in his own thoughts. Once we were there, I dropped the sack of gold onto his bed and plopped down in a chair.

Nunzio remained standin'.

"Okay," he sez, breakin' the silence. "So what do you think?"

"I think we gotta find a couple money belts or saddle bags or somethin' to carry that gold around," I sez. "Haulin' it in that bag is not only an open invitation to trouble, it's hard on the back."

"That's it?" Nunzio sez, his squeaky voice climbin' an octave. "With everything that's happening, all you can think about is your back?"

"What do you want me to say?" I snaps back at him. "That the Boss has gone round the bend? That he's so far gone in foo-foo land that he'd need a map to find his way back?"

"Well, yeah," Nunzio sez, taken a bit aback by my outburst. "He is, isn't he?"

"That's so obvious, it goes without sayin'," I sez, drop-pin' my voice back to normal. "I mean, really. 'Give the money away.' No wonder he wanted us to keep it secret. If Aahz found out, he'd have a heart attack on the spot."

"So, what are we supposed to do?"

"Do?" I sez. "Didn't you hear? We're supposed to take his pay and re-distribute it to the needy."

"But that's crazy!!"

"So what's your point?" I sez. "How long have you worked for the Mob? You're gonna try to tell me you've never had to take orders from a crazy person before?"

"C'mon, Guido," Nunzio sez. "It's Skeeve we're talking about here. Not some power-hungry Mob underboss."

Now this is truly an indication of how upset my cousin is. In all the years we've worked together, this is the first time I've known him to lose his professionalism to a point where he referred to our immediate superior by his proper name rather than the generic phrase 'the Boss.' That meant that he was so fond of Skeeve as a person that he was forgettin' to maintain that emotional distance necessary for someone in our line of work. Unfortunately, he wasn't the only one.

"I know what you mean, cousin," I sez, quiet-like. "The trouble is, I don't see as where we have a lot of options right now. I mean, what can we do? If we ignore this assignment, then we're goin' against a direct order. If we try to alert the rest of the team as to what's goin' on with Skeeve, then we're goin' against his direct orders to keep it a secret. Besides, I've got a hunch that they already know how close Skeeve is to losin' it. Most of them have known him better and for a lot longer than we have."

We look at each other in silence for a few moments.

"I guess that brings us to my original question," Nunzio sez with a sigh. "What are we gonna do?"

"What we always do," I sez. "We're gonna follow orders. Of course, if we clear up a few of the Boss's other problems at the same time, that'll just be a bonus. Right?"

"That sounds like you've got an idea, cuz," Nunzio sez, cockin' an eyebrow at me.

"As a matter of fact, I do," I sez, showin' a few extra teeth in a smile. "When it comes to passin' money back to the populace, I think I know just the crew to help us. The fact that they're currently on our list as problem children just makes it all the sweeter."

I manage to appear confident enough that by the time I get done outlinin' what I have in mind, Nunzio is smilin', too.

What I manage to keep hidden from him is my real worry about the current situation. However it all comes out in the end, my readin' of this convoluted job and the effect it's havin' on Skeeve and the rest of the team is that we'll never again be able to get back to how we were before.