Renegades of Gor

13 Food

"My hair," she said, "is grown our more now."

"Yes," I said, rubbing the brush of it near my thigh, where her head rested. "I want my hair to grow out," she said.

I did not respond.

Chloe looked up at me, from where she lay, beside my thigh. "You have made me soft, and female," she said. "You would have it so, and have had it so. Now I can be no other than that, nor do I desire to be other than that."

"Kiss me," I said.

She did so, softly, obediently, much as might have a slave.

I had given her, for my purposes, the name "Chloe'. Technically, of course, as she was still a free woman, she was still Lady Claudia of Ar's Station. She had, however, however deceitfully, several days ago upon the wall, lowering her message in the basket, declared for Cos. Accordingly I had given her a Cosian name. It was a lovely name. She responded well to it, psychologically, socially and sexually. Further, she understood the propriety of its having been put on her.

Five days ago the walls of Ar's Station had been breached. Cosians were now within the city. The defenders, sometimes fighting street by street, and building to building, and those who could reach it, had now withdrawn to the citadel, bringing with them what belongings and supplies they could. In the citadel now hungry and miserable, besides he defenders, were crowded hundreds of women and children. Ar's Station was in flames. Smoke drifted even to our cell.

"What was that?" cried Chloe, leaping up.

I, too, leaped up.

There had been a rumbling crash from somewhere outside the citadel.

"I am not sure," I said.

Later that afternoon there were several more such crashes, all on the land side of the citadel.

"There is another," said Chloe, toward dusk.

"It is Cosians," I said. "They are clearing the ground outside the citadel, destroying the buildings, that they may bring their engines within range." We heard, from somewhere outside, the long, wild scream of a woman, perhaps from among the buildings, outside the wall.

Chloe looked up at me.

"She has been caught," I said.

It had had a sudden wild ring about it, as though she might suddenly, to her dismay, have felt ropes settle about her body, and draw tight.

"I, too, was caught," said Chloe. "And then, later, you too, caught me. I do not mind having been caught by you. I am pleased to have been caught by you." I pulled her up beside me, and kissed her. She snuggled into my arms, frightened.

"The slaves are out there, somewhere, aren't they?" she asked.

"Yes," I said.

"With their cages, and chains, and wagons," she said.

"Yes," I said.

"For hundreds of pasangs about," she said, "Women will be cheap for months." "Perhaps," I said.

"I envy them their chains," she said, "especially with what I have learned in your arms."

I put my hand gently on her head. She was still a free woman, and in the keeping of those she had betrayed. Well might she envy those whose fate would be merely a brand, a collar and the absolute helplessness and submission of Gorean bondage.

"Many of those captured," I said, "might be shipped to the islands, Cos, Tyros, Tabor, Asperiche and so on. If that is the case, they might not depress the market as much as you feared."

"You are kind," she said.

"Do you wish to be beaten?" I asked.

"No," she said quickly.

"And many, most, I suspect, of those women of Ar's Station who had not managed to flee earlier, at the approach of Cos, or somehow escape the city, are in the citadel."

"There must be hardly room to move in the citadel," she said. "Our quarters are doubtless among the most luxurious," I said.

"Why do they not take us outside and chain us to a post?" she asked. "Perhaps that the people do not tear us to pieces," I said.

She shuddered. The cell door, now, it seemed, so stoutly locked, might be serving as much to protect us as confine us. On the other hand, perhaps most of the people outside did not even know why we were here. If they did, perhaps they would have been at the door, trying to force it open.

"The Cosians must not bring their catapults into action, at this range," she said.

"Why not?" I asked.

"The people," she said. "The crowding. It would be terrible."

"I see," I said.

"Surely they would not do so," she said.

"I would conjecture that the engines will be in place by morning," I said. "But they will not use them!" she said.

"I would expect them to do so," I said, "with stones, and oil, and javelins." "There must be little food in the citadel now," she said.

Our rations, small though they were, had been halved. We were both weak. "Why do they bother feeding us?" she asked.

"I do not know," I said. I had some idea as to why they were probably feeding her, at least. I did not, however, want to speak to her of this. The observation panel in the door slid back. I saw the head of our warder rise up, behind the slot, as she stepped up, onto her platform. She still had the white, scarflike turban and veil. "Prisoners, forward," she said. "Kneel." We obeyed. It was toward dusk. It was not time to be fed.

"You, Claudia, slave girl," she said. "Knell behind him and to his left." A slave girl, in heeling her master, commonly follows on the left. That she follows indicates that she is subservient, that he is master and she slave; that she follows on the left is a cultural matter probably indexed to the fact that most Goreans are right-handed. Her presence on the left, thus, is not likely to interfere with his draw or the movements of his sword arm.

"You are pretty, slave girl," snarled the warder to Lady Claudia. "How natural you look there!"

"Yes!" said Lady Claudia to her. "I am a slave girl! He has taught me that I am a slave girl! I know it now!"

"Slave! Slave!" snarled the warder.

Lady Claudia, of course, was not a slave, not a legal slave, at any rate. She was still, legally, a free woman. I had seen no point in imbonding her. Similarly, I had ordered her not to submit herself to me, of her own free will, even when she had begged to do so. In either case, she could have been taken from me easily enough by force, and then freed, to be made again legally susceptible to whatever punishment they wished to visit upon her. To be sure, they might, if they wished, make her a slave themselves, or let her be a slave, either by my action or her own, and then, if she were a slave, do anything they wished with her.

I found it hard to understand the warder's hatred for Lady Claudia. It surpassed anything which seemed rationally connected with her culpability in the matter of espionage. The first time I had used Lady Claudia, the first day I had been in the cell, flinging her to my feet in the straw, I had taken little time with her. Later that afternoon, after I had slept, I had awakened and snapped my fingers. She was over against the far wall, wide-eyed, half covered in the straw, lying on her side, watching me. At my signal she had crawled across the floor, through the straw, and then knelt before me, her head down, submitted. I had taken her by the arms and thrown her again to the straw. I had not expected the intensity and helplessness of her response. Within the Ahn she had become, in effect, my slave.

That night I gave her the name "Chloe'. A transformation had soon become visible in her, over the next two or three days, in her entire body and personality. The hardness, the selfishness, the nastiness, the smallness, the pettiness, the meanness which had so characterized her began to melt away. In its place she was becoming soft and feminine, delicate and attentive, eager to please and serve, and loving. At first the warder was much amused by the imperious and uncompromising treatment to which my fair cellmate found herself subjected, taking great pleasure in her fate. Sometimes, in the first day or two, the warder would even watch us, encouraging me and jeering at the helpless, lovely spy. Soon, however, as it became clear that the Lady Claudia was becoming happier, and more fulfilled and more beautiful her attitudes changed, dramatically. The warder now begun to castigate her, and subject her to incredible verbal abuse, of the sort to which free women often subject slave girls. The Lady Claudia, on the other hand, though not even enslaved, did not seem to mind. She was beginning to understand, dimly, it seemed, what the nature of bondage might be for a female. The sterner I was with her the more she seemed to enjoy it. The stricter I was with her the more she loved it. When I would cuff her from me she would crawl back to my feet, kissing them. Treated as a woman, and finding herself in male power, she would look up at me, with love, awe and gratitude in her eyes. I scarcely dared conjecture what her responses might have been, had she known herself truly, helplessly, imbonded. I had little doubt that she would bring an excellent price on the slave block.

"Slut! Slut! Slut!" screamed the warder at her. Her hostility was clearly directed at the Lady Claudia and not me. She could not stand it, it seemed, that the Lady Claudia, almost before her eyes, had become beautiful. I regarded Lady Claudia, the «Chloe» of my uses. She had indeed now become beautiful, wholly and through and through beautiful. She was now very different from her former self. She could not now even dream of betraying Ar's Station, or men. Yet her former self had done so, and her new self, whether in true justice or not, could be held accountable for the action.

"Yes," said Lady Claudia, softly, humbly, then adding, meaningfully, somewhat maliciously perhaps, for she was still a free woman, "a€”Mistress." The warder cried out in fury and smote on the cell door with her small fists. "For what purpose have you interrupted us?" I asked the warder.

"I am not speaking to you," she said.

"But I am speaking to you, female," I said.

The head moved angrily, behind the slot. I wished I could reach the veil and pull it away from her, face-stripping her. I wondered if she would be pleasing. "Do not think that you can escape punishment by pretending to be a slave!" said the warder to Lady Claudia.

"Do not fear, my dear," said Lady Claudia. "I know that I am a legally free woman. I may be in my heart a slave, and I may be kept in this cell, and serve her, as a slave, but I know that I am legally free."

"Do you think the citadel will fall tomorrow," I asked, "or the nest day? And do you still wear artful rags, and go barefoot, and display your calves and ankles?"

Her eyes widened. She realized then I must have spied on her through the slot. I knew these secrets about her, whose import must be clear enough to any strong man. Her small brows knit in fury.

"Do you think you will have an opportunity to surrender to a man?" I asked. "Have you practiced how to tear your robes from your breasts, the words with which you will beg to be spared?"

"Sleen!" said the warder.

"I see that you have," I said, "noble free woman."

"Sleen!" she cried.

"Perhaps you would look well, naked," I said, "in a coffle."

"Sleen! Sleen!" she cried.

Lady Claudia laughed merrily.

"Laugh now!" she said. "But I will tell you why I have come. You, Lady Claudia, traitress and slut, have been sentenced by Aemilianus. Tomorrow, at noon, you are to be displayed above the wall, as an act of defiance, impaled!" Lady Claudia turned white.

"Ad for you," said the warder, addressing me, "I do not know what is to become of you. Aemilianus, for some reason, seems hesitant about you." The observation panel then slid shut, with a snap.

I caught Lady Claudia, that she not fall.

"I am sorry," I said.

"Is impalement swift?" she asked.

"It need not be," I said.

"I cannot move," she said.

I then lifted her and took her back, and put her gently on the straw.

I was not surprised that Aemilianus was less certain what to do with me. My own case, in his mine, must seem somewhat ambiguous. Why, for example, would I not have been dealt with directly in Ar, if they were convinced that I was truly a spy? Too, there was the matter of the documents in the diplomatic pouch. Were they really spurious, and had they really been intended to bring about the surrender of Ar's Station why would they not have been more realistically conceived, that they might have been more likely to achieve such a purpose? For example, why would they not have been in some cipher, one which might, after a reasonable effort, be broken? Too, why would such a purportedly authentic document contain information which must surely, at least to the officers of Ar's Station, seem militarily implausible, if not preposterous, for example, that Ar should have forces in the numbers named in the north, and unengaged! No, Aemilianus, weary and confused as he might be, was no fool. Doubtless he had begun to suspect that the report, though perhaps absurd or false, was authentic. Too, days had passed and the hoped-for relief from Ar, the advance of which he had speculated might have precipitated so desperate and foolish a ruse, had not materialized.

"It is terribly painful, impalement, is it not?" she asked.

"It depends on how it is done," I said.

"I am a traitress," she said.

"Once," I said. "No longer."

"I am afraid," she said. I kissed her, gently. I wished I had something to cover us with. "There is no hope," she whispered.

"There is always hope," I said.

"You are kind," she said.

"Do you wish to be beaten?" I asked.

"No," she smiled.

"There is hope," I said.

"How?" she asked.

"It is quiet outside," I said.

"Yes?" she said.

"You have not now, for some time, heard the crashing of buildings," I said. "Cos has the city now. There is nothing to keep them from undermining the foundations, firing the buildings, clearing paths through debris."

"I do not understand," she said.

"They have finished their work," I said.

"I do not understand," she said.

"The engines are probably in place," I said.

She looked at me, frightened.

"I would expect the attack to begin in the morning," I said.

"I am afraid," she said.

"I will defend you, as I can," I said. "They will have to enter the cell to fetch you out."

"Do not risk your life for me," she said.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I am really only a slave girl," she said.

"It is for such that men most cheerfully risk their lives," I said. "Oh?" she smiled.

"Certainly," I said. "You would not expect them to go to all that trouble for a mere free female, would you?"

"Monster," she said.

"And if you save her," I pointed out, "you can often keep her." "I see," she smiled.

"The slave girl, after all," I said, "is good for something. She has her uses. You can even sell her."

She laughed. "Enough free women, too, in their time," she said, "have doubtless been sold."

"Yes," I said. "They can be captured, bound and turned over to a slaver, and such."

"Had you captured me, somewhere, as a free woman, would you have sold me?" she asked.

"I might have kept you that evening in my tent," I said, "to see what you could do."

"I wish that we had met under different conditions," she said, "in the fields, or in my own bed."

I did not speak.

"If you had first met me in a slave market, I on a slave shelf or bench, chained there, a property, waiting to be purchased, would you have considered buying me?"

"Certainly," I said.

"Am I that attractive?" she asked.

"Yes," I said.

"That pleases me," she whispered. Then she shuddered. "But woe," she said, "I am a free woman."

"Yes," I said.

"I am afraid," she said.

I held her more closely to me.

"That is why they have been feeding me, isn't it?" she asked. "For tomorrow?" "I think so," I said.

She sobbed, against me. I felt her tears on my chest. Then, suddenly, she looked at me, concerned. "But what of you?" she asked.

"Do not concern yourself with me," I said.

"No," she said, "what of you?"

"Willful free woman," I chided her.

"What of you?" she pressed.

"I do not know," I said. "I am not sure."

She put her head back, against my shoulder. The moonlight streamed in through the high, barred aperture. It was quiet outside. I held her in my arms, for a time, the naked spy, in the straw.

"Am I to be beaten tonight?" she asked.

"Is it necessary?" I asked.

"No!" she whispered.

"You are eager to serve, and be pleasing?" I asked. "Yes!" she said.

"Then it does not seem that there would be much point in it," I said. "No!" she hastened to assure me. "But if you were not pleased, you would, wouldn't you?" she asked.

"Yes," I said, "or if I wished to do so."

She shuddered against me, with pleasure. "I wish," she said, her voice soft, thrilled, vibrant with soft, frightened emotion, "that I had met a man such as you, long ago."

"Had you done so," I said, "you presumably would not be here now." "I do not regret having known you, and having served you, and as you have made me serve you, even under these circumstances."

"You enjoy serving," I said.

"Yes," she said, "I do, and had I the choice I would choose to have no choice but to serve, and serve as you have made me serve, totally."

"It is time to go to sleep," I said.

"Can you sleep at this time, on this night?" she asked.

"Yes," I said.

She then lay down in the straw, next to me. I heard her sob.

"I do not know if they will feed you in the morning or not," I said, "before they come for you, near noon. They might. In the event they do, do not eat the food. Give it all to me."

"All of it?" she said.

"Yes," I said.

"You would take the food, that food?" she asked.

"Yes," I said.

"You could do that?" she asked.

"Yes," I said.

She looked at me, puzzled.

"Surely you recognize that I would get more good out of it than you would," I said.

"Undoubtedly," she said, shuddering.

"Certainly," I said.

"I do not think I would be able to eat it, anyway," she said. "Good," I said. "Then there is no problem."

"No," she said. "There is no problem."

"Excellent," I said. I then, in a moment or two, I cannot remember it, was asleep.