Reclaiming Angelica

Chapter Three

“Secret?” Raul managed to choke out, stiffening in horror-tinged shock. Suddenly it was imperative that he move. He went to push off her, but Angel raised her legs and caught him in a vise about the hips.

“Yes, secret,” she confirmed.

With no choice but to tough it out, he stated as calmly as he could, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Besides, we’re talking about you. About why you left me.”

“And I want to talk about why you disappear once a month—”

“You know I travel a lot with my job. You said it didn’t bother you,” he interjected.

“And the reason you hold back when we make love…”

“I’m a big man. You’re tiny compared to me. I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, happy to provide a reasonable explanation. It was the truth, but not the whole truth.

“…and why your irises glow gold, and your facial features change when you’re in the grip of strong emotions,” she demanded.

Raul felt his heart stop. “That…that’s just crazy. You’re imagining things.” She couldn’t have noticed. He’d been so careful.

“Tell me!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he insisted, heart pounding in his chest so hard he thought he’d pass out.

His fear roused his beast, which only moments before had settled into a sated stupor. Not now. Please, God, don’t let it come out now.

“You’re lying,” she said flatly, tightening her thighs when he tried once more to get away, retreat to safety.

Panic lived inside him now. Don’t tell her! his inner child demanded. You know what happens when you tell!

Raul could see his mother’s face and his father’s despair when she’d left. Hear his father’s repeated warnings, “Never tell a human what you are.” The past superimposed over the present.

Tell her! his wolf demanded. It’s not natural to hide from a mate.

Raul agreed that having this secret between them was wrong but couldn’t unlock his throat to speak the truth.

“Raul, please. We can’t continue with this thing between us,” she pleaded, sounding almost desperate.

Her gaze locked on his. The hurt in her voice and the tinge of moisture in her eyes added unbearable pressure. Raul opened his mouth to tell her what she needed to know, but no sound emerged.

Nooooooo! his inner child screamed. You can’t tell her! She’ll leave, and then we’ll die!

Tell her, his wolf demanded. Tell mate what we are!

His breath escaped in pants. Oh God! He gasped, trying to get enough air.

“Raul?” Concern replaced the hurt in Angel’s tone. “Are you all right?”

Tell her!

No!

Tell her! his wolf roared.

NOOOOO! Mustn’t tell! the child screamed.

“Can’t…breathe!” His lips moved, but no sound emerged.

“Raul, your lips are turning blue. Breathe, baby!” Angel released her hold on him.

As the internal war continued to rage, Raul’s stomach churned and his chest hurt. His vision began to narrow, growing dark around the edges. He crawled off Angel and knelt on all fours with his head hanging down, gulping for air.

Raul couldn’t believe he was freaking out like a little kid. He was a grown man, a badass—an alpha, for crying out loud. Embarrassment collided with panic until the only thought in his mind was escape.

“Raul, baby, you have to breathe. If you don’t, you’ll pass out.” Angel hovered beside him, laid a hand on his back, and stroked soothingly.

She said more in soft tones meant to calm him. Unfortunately Raul couldn’t hear her through the roaring in his ears. He had to get out of here. He wheezed audibly now. He shook his head sharply, forcing himself to get a grip, and a portion of his hearing returned.

“Oh God, you’re hyperventilating,” she said in dawning realization. “Let me run to the kitchen and grab a bag. Breathing into one is supposed to help.”

As soon as Angel disappeared down the stairs, Raul shoved weakly to his feet, staggered dizzily against the wall, and pulled up his pants. Mustering all his strength, he managed to make it down the stairs and to the door.

“Raul?”

He glanced over his shoulder, hand on the doorknob. “I’m sorry,” he managed to choke out, then softly closed the door behind him.

Once away from Angel’s too-observant eyes, Raul tapped into the strength of his wolf. His breathing instantly evened out. The rest of the damn panic attack took longer to fade. With hands that visibly trembled, Raul managed to enter his vehicle and shove the keys in the ignition. As the motor purred to life, he speed dialed Mercer.

“Yo!” Mercer answered.

“I need you or one of the guys on babysitting detail,” he said, forcing himself to sound calm and in control.

“Boss, you all right? You don’t sound so good.”

“I will be. I gotta go for a run. Clear my head. I don’t want to leave Angel alone but I…we… Just watch her for me, will you?”

“Sure thing. I gotcha back.” There was a brief pause. “So, you two worked things out?” he asked, his concern coming through loud and clear. His men hadn’t agreed with his decision not to tell Angel what he—what they—were. She was his mate. As far as they were concerned, that settled any issues or concerns they might have had regarding Angel keeping their confidence. Raul could only imagine what they’d say if they knew the reason she’d left him. That is, if they didn’t already suspect.

“We will,” Raul assured him. “As soon as I get a handle on my wolf.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen,” Mercer promised and disconnected.

Raul left the driveway and parked farther down the block within sight of the house, remaining there until Mercer arrived to relieve him.

Angelica stood in the foyer, the bag dangling limply from her fingers, listening to Raul’s SUV back out of the driveway. When the roar of the engine faded, she crossed over to the couch, sat, and put her face in her hands.

“Way to go, Angelica. You pushed the man right into a panic attack.”

She sat like that for another few minutes. Then rubbing her face wearily, she rose to her feet and straightened the mess they’d made during the chase, before trudging upstairs. Needing to talk, she grabbed her cell and dialed the number of her cousin and best friend since grade school, Sophie.

Sophie answered on the second ring. “Hiya, chica! Thought you’d be busy having big monkey makeup sex. Wasn’t Raul due home today?”

“He’s home,” Angelica said flatly.

“Uh-oh. Someone doesn’t sound happy. Come, tell Momma Sophie all about it.”

Angelica flopped onto the California king-size four-poster bed she’d purchased specifically with Raul in mind, the thickly padded blue-and-gray geometric-patterned comforter cushioning her body. “I had everything planned. It should have worked perfectly.”

“I take it Wolf-boy didn’t share his deep, dark secret?”

“He showed up at the house in a rage because I’d left him.”

Sophie snorted. “Yeah, did you expect differently? He’s a wolf. He thinks you’re his mate. You knew he’d go bat-shit crazy when he got the news of your leaving.”

“I know, I know. That was part of the plan. I wanted to catch him off guard, make him lose control. I thought maybe, if he got angry enough, he wouldn’t be able to control his wolf. That he’d, you know, mate me or shift. Then he’d have to tell me what he is.”

Sophie made tsking noises. “Honey, your man’s an alpha. He wouldn’t be one if he didn’t possess absolute control over his beast. Stop playing head games and just tell the man you know already.”

“But—”

“But nothing. You’re playing human, trying to protect yourself. He’s doing the same for probably the same reason, and both of you are miserable because you can’t really lower your guard and just be real with each other like you want to be. What kind of love is that, when you have to hide who you are from each other?”

Angelica ran an agitated hand through her hair. “Sophie, I hear what you’re saying, but—”

“Angelica,” Sophie interrupted again. “Be honest with yourself. Do you love Raul? Really love him?”

“You know I do.”

“Yeah, hon, I do. Now answer me this. Do you believe Raul loves you?”

Earlier her answer would have been a definite yes. Now she hesitated, nibbling on her lower lip. “He acts like I’m his mate.”

“That’s not what I asked. Lord, woman, I’ve never known you to act so…so…human. Does the wolf love you or not?” she asked, exasperation in every word.

Angelica thought about it, hard, and realized she was letting her fear and insecurities cause her to project. She knew Raul. Knew his thoughts, his words, his very feelings. He loved her. It showed in everything he did. “Yes,” she answered finally. “Yes, he does.”

Sophie let the silence linger, probably sensing that Angelica was still working through everything in her head. Finally, Angelica said, “You’re right, you know.”

“Of course I am.” There was a pause. “What am I right about this time?”

Angelica heard the smile in Sophie’s voice, and it made her smile in return.

“Raul is scared. I never realized that before, probably because I was too focused on me. I was pushing him, all but telling the man I knew what his silly secret was, and instead of just confessing, he had a full-blown panic attack.”

“Did you ever consider that maybe there’s a deep, dark reason Raul hasn’t told you he’s a shifter? The man’s an alpha. They just don’t do panic attacks. Whatever’s going on with him, it’s got to be serious. How much do you know about his past?”

“Not much,” Angelica admitted slowly. “He doesn’t really talk about it. To be honest, neither of us talks about our families or our past. We’ve been focused on the here and now.” She knew why she hadn’t told Raul about her family, but for the first time she wondered at his reasons. Shifters were all about families, both the blood kind and pack. She knew his pack, but not once had he mentioned his parents or any siblings. Now that she was thinking about it, it was beyond strange.

“Honey, one of you has to break pattern. I suggest you call your wolf, cook him a prime steak—rare, of course—apologize for not being open with him, and then tell him what’s in your heart. Speaking of food, when’s the last time you fed?”

Angelica had to think. “I don’t know. The Thirst hasn’t really been on my mind.”

Sophie sighed. “Angelica, need I remind you you’re a vampire?”

“Only half,” Angel protested.

“Yeah, well, while the human half can get away with food consumption, you know your vamp nature needs blood. No wonder you aren’t thinking straight. Look, put on something sexy. It’s Friday. The Warehouse will be packed. Prime hunting ground. Have yourself a snack, and you’ll find you feel much better.”

Feed while Raul was in town and could possibly catch her in the act? “Oh no, I don’t think—”

“Half an hour. Don’t keep me waiting,” Sophie ordered before disconnecting the line.

Damn! Sophie was just ruthless enough to carry her out of the house kicking and screaming. Being a full vampire, Sophie was much stronger than she. Angelica forced herself up and into the shower. Minutes later she stood before the mirror with a towel wrapped around her, examining her bare shoulders and neck.

She’d feel a lot more confident in Raul’s undying commitment to her if she were wearing his mark. Shifters marked their mates. It was instinct, but Raul hadn’t marked her. Had he done so, he’d have known as soon as he got a taste of her blood exactly what she was. Damphyr—half vampire, half human.

Angelica wasn’t ashamed of her heritage—she loved her gypsy mother and vampire father dearly—but there was no denying a lot of shifters felt the only good vampire was a dead one which was okay, since vamps tended to feel the same about them. She had no idea how Raul would feel once he discovered he’d sort of mated one. Or maybe he knew, and that’s why he’d denied her his mark. Or maybe she really wasn’t his mate like she believed. He loved her. She knew he did, but maybe it was the man that wanted her, and his wolf only tolerated her.

She hissed, frustrated with herself. Sophie was right. She was acting human, or chickenshit, Angelica thought, borrowing one of Raul’s favorite terms.

Okay, Angelica, stick to the facts. Raul loves you and treats you like his mate. His pack gives you the loyalty and respect only an alpha’s mate should command. You love him and know, deep down inside where it counts, that he’s your mate. You want to bond with him. Need to bond with him to the point where it’s a physical ache. Stop letting fear guide your actions, she mentally lectured.

So what if a lot of the old ones in the paranormal community, like her father, were against cross-species mating. Never mind he’d done so himself by mating her mother. Hell, her father didn’t even want her mating with another vampiric line although he’d probably prefer it to her mating a human or an animal, as he thought of shifters. What he really wanted was for her to mate a vampire from their family line, his chosen successor since Angel, being half human, wasn’t strong enough to inherit his position on the senate.

With her mother’s help, she’d been able to put him off, but he was becoming more insistent as time passed, and it looked as though she’d remain unmated. She could hardly tell him about Raul. Nor could she tell Raul about her father and his machinations, as long as they both were pretending to be human. The only way her father would back off was if she found her mate, which she had, and mated him in the vampire way, making the mating binding, which she hadn’t.

Finding one’s mate was supposed to be part instinct and part fate, wasn’t it? Fate had done its job and brought the two of them together. Now she needed to have more faith in Raul and in herself and finish the mating process.

Outside a horn blew. Angelica glanced at the bedside clock and then cursed under her breath. She’d wasted too much time brooding. Picking up her phone, she texted Sophie that she’d be right down and then hurriedly dressed.