Playing With Fire

Chapter Thirty-six GIANT SPIDER MADNESS

THE EDGLEY family reunion was taking up the main function hall, at the front of the building, leaving the rear of the golf club in darkness. That was probably a good thing, Tanith reflected, as she watched Skulduggery fly backward through the air.

The Torment-spider turned to her, and she dodged a slash from one of his talons. She turned and ran, but he was much faster. Tanith jumped for the side of the building and ran upward, a ploy that had got her out of a lot of trouble in the past — but then, she had never faced a giant spider before.

His talons clacked as he followed her up, chattering as he came. She stepped over the ledge, onto the rooftop, then turned and waited for him to follow. The spider legs appeared over the edge first, then the head and the torso, and Tanith lunged. Her sword flashed but hit one of the armor plates that protected the Torment-spider's underside. His leg swept in and crashed against her, and Tanith lost the blade and hit the rooftop and rolled. She reached for her sword, but a talon stepped on it.

Tanith backed away. The Torment-spider chattered once more, then went quiet. His three eyes, devoid of any recognizable human trait, observed her. She knew he could strike and she'd never see it coming.

"Excuse me," she said, as politely as she could, "I believe you're standing on my sword."

The Torment-spider didn't answer. She briefly wondered if he could answer, if there was any kind of rational being left in there.

"I don't think this is entirely fair," she continued. "You're angry with Skulduggery because he didn't kill Valkyrie, but you and me, we've never even met. I mean, you have no reason to attack me.

You don't even know me. If you got to know me, if you took the time, I'm sure you'd really like me. I'm a likable girl. Everyone says so."

The Torment-spider chattered in a short burst.

"Did you know — and this is a fact here — did you know that most spiders are really, really ugly? It's true. The women spiders have a really hard time of it. I saw it in a documentary. Why do you think the black widow kills the guys she mates with? Shame, that's why. I'm not saying you're ugly. Who am I to judge? I've only got two legs, right?"

The Torment-spider advanced. Tanith took another step back.

"I didn't mean to insult you. Did I insult you? I didn't mean to. I'm sure, for a giant spider person, you're quite the catch. And, hey, looks aren't everything, yeah? You know what us girls really go for? A sense of humor. And you look like a guy who is ready to laugh. Am I right?"

The Torment-spider chattered angrily.

"I thought so. So now that we've had this little talk, what do you say we stop beating around the bush, and you come and have a go?"

The Torment-spider went quiet again, and

Tanith smiled up at him.

"If you think you're hard enough."

A moment passed, then the Torment-spider reared up, ready to strike, and Tanith sprinted toward him, dove between the legs that were still supporting his weight, and snatched up her sword.

The giant spider scuttled around, and Tanith slashed upward. Her sword raked across the armor until it found the space between the plates. The Torment-spider squealed and thrashed, and Tanith threw herself out from under him to avoid being crushed.

She felt a gust of wind, and Skulduggery dropped onto the rooftop. He splayed his hands and the air pulsed, catching the Torment-spider on his underside and flipping him over. He landed on his back, his eight legs kicking and flailing. Tanith leaped in, landed on the spider's belly, and stuck the tip of her blade in between the armor plates.

The Torment-spider stopped flailing instantly.

"Good boy," Tanith said.

Skulduggery walked around so he could see the Torment-spider's eyes. "I'm assuming, because you know when to stop struggling, that you're still capable of logical thought, so I'm only going to say this once. You either get in line, or you get out of our way. We have a job to do tonight, and right now my partner is in danger and I have run out of patience. So what do you want to do — continue fighting or make a deal?"

For a second, Tanith didn't think Skulduggery would get an answer, but then that mouth opened and an old man's voice croaked from between those teeth.

"I'm listening."