One Fell Sweep

CHAPTER 7

I stood in my kitchen and drank my first cup of coffee. There was nothing quite like that first cup of coffee. For some reason, it always tasted extra delicious.

Morning light streamed through the windows. No clouds dotted the clear sky. It was going to be a beautiful warm day, one of those wonderful days in Texas when nature forgot it was winter and pretended it was May instead.

I had already done my chores for the morning. I checked the perimeter. The Draziri had tried to punch a hole in my force field during the night, but got nowhere. Then I checked on Sean. He was up but still in his room and I didn’t want to intrude. I was a little abrupt last night and I didn’t know how to get around it, so I avoided him and instead went to spring poor Wing out of lock up.

I had unceremoniously shut him in his room last night. Being a pragmatic creature, he decided to play with his TV and watched various TV shows for half of the night. A marathon of Indiana Jones movies and Cops were apparently his favorites. I wasn’t quite sure what to think about that. We’d discussed the Draziri and the force field, and then he’d gone to play in the garage. I had a feeling open warfare wasn’t something Wing looked forward to. On a planet populated with massive dinosaurian creatures, the Ku were lower level predators who sought safety in packs. Their culture was rich with many legends of great warriors who single-handedly brought down larger prey, but in reality they were small and they knew it. They followed large predators, picked off injured or weak prey by running it to ground, and fought in large groups. He asked permission to go play in the garage and I left him to it.

I savored my coffee. By the island, Orro was whipping something in a bowl, holding the whisk with his claws. At the kitchen table, Caldenia sipped her first cup of tea, a content smile on her face.

Arland strode into the kitchen. He was in his “Earth mode,” a loose white T-shirt and dark pants. His blond mane was pulled back from his face into a ponytail. He was carrying his blood mace.

“Lady Dina, Your Grace, Orro, good morning all,” Arland said.

Caldenia inclined her head. Orro grunted something.

“Are you going somewhere, Lord Marshal?” I asked.

“I was planning on engaging in some aerobic activity. For my health. I’m on a retreat after all.”

He was going to put on a big display for the Draziri, who were likely watching the back of the inn. Vampire logic at its best: if you can’t directly attack, then strive to intimidate. He was perfectly safe while within the void force field.

“Would it be helpful if I provided some objects to add variety to your exercise?”

I motioned to the inn. A rack of practice weapons surfaced on the lawn, rising from the ground like a mushroom. Maces, axes, swords, and daggers of all shapes and sizes waited in the rack, each weapon made of a tough, rubber-like substance to match the weight and dimensions of the real thing. They wouldn’t cut, but they still hurt. Maud had once chased me with a rubber sword like that because I’d poured Kool-Aid powder into her conditioner. Maud had always been a hair person. She’d put conditioner on and sit outside by the pool for an hour for “deep conditioning.” I’d learned two important things that day: red Kool-Aid doesn’t wash out of hair and rubber swords hurt.

And now Maud had cut off all her beautiful hair.

Arland grinned. “Lady Dina, you go above and beyond as always.”

“My pleasure.” The weapon rack was at least two hundred years old, but the vampire weapons hadn’t changed a great deal, at least from what I could see.

He marched into the yard, set his mace down, grabbed a halberd from the rack, and spun it around.

I turned around and washed my coffee cup.

“He is such a polite boy,” Caldenia said.

Arland was certainly polite, but once you saw him lop off a vampire’s head with one blow, it put the courtesy in a whole new light. “You’re up early, Your Grace.”

“It’s a lovely day and we’re under siege. People are trying to murder us.” Her eyes shone with excitement. “Isn’t it marvelous?”

She would think so, wouldn’t she? “They won’t succeed.”

“Of course not, my dear. I intend to ensure they don’t. By the way, just in case one of the corpses happens to land on inn grounds, the Draziri are delicious.”

“Really, Your Grace?”

“Their meat is juicy but bland,” Orro said. “They taste like small fowl and easily take on the flavor profile of the sauce.”

“Have you actually cooked Draziri?”

“Of course!” He drew himself to his full height. “I was a Red Cleaver chef. I have cooked a great many beings!”

Ugh. Forget I asked.

“I never understood why you find the notion of eating sentient creatures so disturbing, Dina,” Caldenia said. “After all, it isn’t cannibalism. There are no health risks, provided the dish is prepared properly.”

I turned to the window. “Wow, look at the sunshine. Isn’t that something?”

Caldenia laughed quietly.

Olasard purred by my feet, arched his back, and rubbed his head on my ankle. I crouched and petted him, scratching behind his ears. He purred louder. His bowl was still full, so it must’ve been actual feline affection.

Helen crept into the kitchen, quiet as a ghost, sat on the floor by my feet, and petted Olasard. He rubbed his face on her. She giggled.

“Is your mom still asleep?”

She nodded. “I’m sneaky.”

“You don’t say.”

“And fierce.” She showed me her fangs.

“Those are sharp fangs.”

She nodded and bit the air.

“Scary,” I told her.

“I won’t bite you, Aunt Dina. You’re nice.”

Outside Arland swung around a massive two-handed hammer and let out a grunt. Helen abandoned me and Olasard and went to the back door.

Arland switched to a sword. He stood still, the sword held downward, then his whole body moved at once, delivering a vicious overhead blow. He cut in the opposite direction, then reversed with devastating power. His feet moved very little, bracing him against phantom counterblows and adding momentum when he wanted to sink the entire weight of his big body into the blow. His attacks came in a controlled, precise cascade.

Helen watched him like a cat watches a bird. If I didn’t let her outside, she would start making bird-call noises. I opened the door. Helen scooted out and sat on the porch, mesmerized.

“That is a vampire child,” Caldenia murmured.

Tell me something I don’t know.

“She will adjust,” Maud said behind me.

I almost jumped. I knew the location of all guests in the inn, but calling it up required a slight effort and if necessary, I could choose to stop paying attention to a particular guest. Yesterday I made the decision to stop tracking Maud. Tracking Helen was a necessity, because she was so young, but my sister was family. My parents stopped actively tracking us when we were teens, which didn’t mean that Mom couldn’t zero in on us with pinpoint accuracy when we were in trouble. But both Dad and she gave us our privacy, so I gave Maud her privacy and now she snuck up on me.

“How long were you standing there?”

“For a while,” she said. She was sort of looking at me, which also allowed her to covertly watch Arland through the glass door. And despite all the effort she was putting into pretending not to see him, Maud was watching him.

“Let’s see what you’ve got,” Arland told Helen.

Helen stayed on the porch.

“Come on. Or are you scared?”

Helen showed him her teeth.

Arland motioned at her. My niece stayed on the porch.

The door swung open as Maud made the inn move it. She strode out onto the porch.

“Helen, kill,” my sister said.

My niece grabbed a rubber dagger from the rack and moved onto the grass, foot over foot, stalking like a cat. Arland squared his shoulders. The contrast was ridiculous. She was tiny, he was huge; she had a little dagger, and he was holding a massive sword; but the two of them looked at each other with identical expressions on their faces, like two tigers meeting on the border of their territories. Waiting. Measuring the distance with their gaze. Watching for a hint of weakness.

The attack came with blinding speed. Helen dashed forward. Her dagger sliced the front of Arland’s thigh and she scuttled back around him, cutting across his calves. Arland let out a dramatic roar and fell to his knees. Helen leapt up and slit his throat. It was so fast and precise, she must’ve done it dozens of times. I hoped in practice. It had to be in practice.

Arland collapsed on the ground, conveniently rolling onto his back. Helen put her foot on his chest, raised her dagger, and let out a vampire roar.

Should I be horrified or cuted out? I couldn’t decide.

“Good job,” Maud said.

Arland grabbed at Helen’s ankle. She squealed and dashed to the porch.

He sat up, a big grin on his face.

“As you can see, my daughter doesn’t need any instruction from you,” Maud said.

“It wouldn’t hurt.”

No, Arland. No, no.

“Really?” Maud asked.

Arland rolled to his feet. “Your daughter is a vampire.”

“Half.”

He shook his head. “She has the fangs. Humans will see her as a vampire. Vampires will see her as a vampire.”

The look on Maud’s face turned friendly, almost warm. If I were in Arland’s shoes, I’d run now.

“And there is something wrong with the way I train my child with fangs?” Maud casually stepped toward the weapon rack.

Sean entered the kitchen and stood next to me. “What did I miss?”

“My sister is about to destroy Arland.”

On the lawn Arland leaned back. “For a child this young, a challenge issued is a challenge answered.”

Maud pondered the weapons. “What are you implying?”

“A properly trained vampire child wouldn’t have waited for permission to kill,” Arland said.

He just kept digging his own grave.

Sean opened the kitchen door.

“Where are you going?” I whispered.

“I want a front row seat to this.”

I chased him outside and we sat in the chairs.

“She’s too controlled. You say sit, she sits. You say wait, she waits.”

More words, deeper hole.

“She should be guided by instinct. She should be a rassa in the grass. Instead she is a goren on the porch.”

And he just told my sister that her daughter wasn’t a wolf but a trained dog.

I braced myself.

Maud drew a sword from the rack so fast, it looked like the weapon sprang into her hand on its own. She swung it. All pretense of sweetness was gone from her face.

“Perhaps you would care to give me some instruction.”

“If you wish.” Arland picked up a practice mace.

My sister struck. They clashed. One moment Arland was standing and the next he staggered back, shaking his head, the red imprint of the rubber sword blade on the side of his face.

Sean laughed.

Maud lunged into the opening. Arland swung his mace as if it were light as a toothpick and parried her sword, bashing her blade to the right. She drove her left fist into his throat. He spun away from her, choking, but still striking back. She ducked under his swing and rammed the blade of her sword into his armpit.

Sean and I made ouch noises.

Arland roared, his fangs bared.

Maud danced around him, battering his ribs. He knocked her sword blade aside with his left arm and kicked her. My sister flew, rolled in the grass, and came back up from a crouch into a blindingly fast attack.

The sword and mace drummed, clashing. Arland and Maud rampaged across the lawn, beating on each other. Sean and I watched them, wincing when one of them grunted in pain.

Helen sat by my feet, absorbed in the violence of the fight. She was so small and our world had gotten so violent all of a sudden.

“Did you know Draziri taste like chicken?” I asked.

Sean glanced at me, as if not sure if I was okay. “I had no idea.”

“Orro told me,” I told him. “We’re besieged by murderous poultry.”

Sean reached over and took my hand. I let him.

“We’ve got this,” he said. “It will be okay.”

Both my sister and Arland were glistening with sweat. The rubber weapons weren’t designed to cut, but somehow they were both bleeding from a few shallow scrapes. They danced across the lawn back and forth, gaining ground then losing it.

“It won’t be much longer,” Sean said. “They’re getting tired.”

Arland blocked Maud’s sword. She reversed her hold, gripping the blade, and clubbed him with the pommel. The blow landed right between his eyes. Arland went down.

“Yield!” my sister snarled.

Arland burst from the ground, sweeping her off her feet like a charging bull, and drove her into a tree. Maud’s back slapped the bark, her feet four inches off the ground. He pinned her there.

If I interfered, there would be hell to pay.

“Yield, my lady.” Arland bared his teeth an inch away from her neck.

She glared at him. “I don’t yield.”

The ground under Arland’s feet opened and swallowed him up to his knees. He let go. Maud dropped down, picked up her sword, and walked away.

I sighed and let Arland up out of the hole.

Maud threw the sword into the rack and stomped onto the porch.

“You cheated,” I told her.

“Yeah, yeah.” She went into the house and slammed the door behind her.

I took my hand back from Sean.

Arland stretched, wincing, picked up the practice mace and walked to the porch. Red welts covered his pale skin. He looked like someone had worked him over with a sack of potatoes.

Helen stood on her toes and punched him in the stomach.

“Ow,” he said.

Helen hissed, grinned, and ran inside.

The Marshal of House Krahr opened his mouth.

I braced myself.

“Your sister is magnificent,” Arland said.

Maud the Magnificent swished water in her mouth and spat blood out into the bathroom sink. I helpfully held out a towel for her. She looked at herself in the mirror. “No.”

“Suit yourself.”

She turned and took the towel. “I was talking to myself.”

“Oh? Was it no as in no more sparring matches or no as in Arland Krahr is vampire sex on a stick and seducing him would be a terrible idea?” I stepped back in case I had to duck.

She blotted her face with the towel. “No, as in I won’t let myself be goaded again. Also, Dina, seducing? You’ve been hanging out with Caldenia too long.”

“Helen likes him. She punched him in the stomach after you stormed off.”

“Should’ve aimed lower.”

The inn chimed, letting me know the Hiru requested my attention.

I waved my hand. A screen opened in the side of the wall. On it the Hiru leaned forward, his mechanical wheezing fast and loud.

“The second member of the Archivarius!”

“Where and when?” I asked.

“He’s unable to reach Earth. He’s on Baha-char awaiting retrieval.”

“Where on Baha-char?” Maud asked. “It’s a big place.”

“Ninth Row, past the Merchants of Death. The member is arriving in an argon tank in fifteen minutes and will need to be picked up from Aka Lorvus, merchant. Your locator will pick up the signal.”

“Thank you. Will you be joining us for breakfast?”

The Hiru paused. “You do not have to continue to invite me. I know my appearance brings you discomfort.”

“It’s an instinctual reaction and it only lasts a few moments. We’re more than our instincts.”

“I will consider it,” he said. “But I may remain in my room.”

“I understand. Will you tell me your name, at least?”

A long silence stretched.

“Sunset,” the Hiru said finally. “My name is Sunset.”

“It’s a beautiful name.”

He severed the connection.

I waved the screen closed. At least we had a longer window this time.

“Let me get the Archivarian,” Maud said.

It was the most logical choice. If I left the inn, the void field would drop. The inn wouldn’t be defenseless, but why tempt fate?

“You got the last one. I hate that you’re doing all the work.”

Maud waved the towel. “We’re a team. Look, I’ll go grab that blond fool and we’ll be back here in no time.”

“You could take Sean.”

She shook her head. “No. Arland is an arrogant, aggressive, bull-headed ass…”

“Don’t hold anything back.”

“…but he looks damn impressive in armor and he hits like a battering ram. I’ve fought more in these past years than in my whole life. I’ve beaten vampires that were bigger, but after sparring with him, my arms felt like they were going to fall off. If I take Arland, I won’t have to fight. People see that walking castle barrel toward them and get out of the way, and if someone doesn’t, he’ll smash them with his mace until there is nothing left except blood and mush. Dina, I haven’t been to Baha-char in years, but I’ve been going there longer than you. Let me do this.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll go get my armor. I want to test the crest anyway.”

She took off, marching toward Arland’s rooms. A moment later I heard her voice. “Lord Marshal? Would you care for an excursion?”

Yes, he would. In fact, I had a feeling he would be thrilled.

Ten minutes later, I watched Maud and Arland step through the doorway at the end of the hall into the bright sunshine of the galactic market place. The door sealed shut behind them. Beast whined softly by my feet.

“I know. They will be okay.”

I sighed and took a mental tally of my guests. Helen was in the garage with Wing, the Hiru was in his quarters, the first member of the Archivarius was in his tank, Sean and Caldenia were on the back porch, and Orro, predictably, lingered in the kitchen. Everyone’s accounted for.

What would Caldenia and Sean be talking about? I headed toward the back porch. Beast dashed ahead of me.

Sean sat at the table, an array of parts spread before him on a green tarp. No doubt the parts fit together into some sort of deadly weapon. Caldenia sipped Mello Yello in a rocking chair. Beast wagged her tail at me from her spot on a chair next to Sean.

I turned my back to the trees in case someone decided to read my lips.

“We have the second retrieval,” I said. “At Baha-char. Maud and Arland left to get it.”

“How much time do they have?” Sean asked.

“It’s arriving already in a tank, so plenty of time.”

Sean nodded and went back to tinkering.

“It’s such a lovely day,” Caldenia said. “You should take your niece and your adorable dog for a walk along the force field boundary.”

I looked at her.

“You should also wear some equipment so we can hear any conversations you may have.” Her Grace sipped her drink.

Oh. “Would Kiran Mrak want to talk?”

“He knows nothing about you. You’re a mystery. Trust me, my dear. If he’s any good at what he does, he’ll want to talk. He won’t pass up the opportunity to gather information and take your measure.”

Sean reached into the bag by his feet and pulled out a small plastic box with a clear top and a layer of complex electronics embedded in the white bottom. A flesh-colored patch the size of a penny was inside. I took the box. I could’ve just had my voice resonate at any point from the inn, but he went through the trouble of finding a gadget for me and I would wear it. I pried the box open and swiped the patch with my finger. It immediately mimicked my skin tone, blending so completely, I couldn’t find it by looking alone.

“Where should I put this?”

“By your ear works best,” he said.

I touched the patch to the spot just under my right ear. It stuck. Pale green light pulsed through the box.

“Give him as little information as possible,” Caldenia said. “Don’t be obvious in your questions or he’ll stop talking. But do push him, dear. If you feel any splashes of emotion from him, use it and test it to see if you can get a reaction.”

“Come on, Beast!” I said in stereo, one sound coming from my mouth and the other from the box.

The Shih-Tzu jumped off the chair and she and I started toward the edge of the void field.

I strolled along the boundary. Beast trailed me, stopping to sniff at random clumps of grass and fascinating sticks.

I picked one up and threw it for her. She dashed after it, a black and white blur. I looked up and saw Kiran Mrak. He stood less than a foot away, wrapped in a cloak that perfectly mimicked the shrubs around him. The void field interrupted projectiles, but it permitted sound and light. I didn’t hear him. If I had been off my land, he would’ve killed me and I would’ve died never knowing what happened.

He stared at me, his turquoise eyes exquisitely beautiful. I took a step. He took one with me, perfectly mirroring my movements, as if he were a magic reflection, except he moved with the kind of grace I could never accomplish. I still couldn’t hear him.

We walked along the boundary of the void force field.

There was a beauty about the Draziri, an elegance and otherworldly air. When you looked at one, it was like meeting a mystic creature from some legend.

Beast brought the stick back, saw the Draziri, but she couldn’t smell him and I didn’t seem alarmed. I threw the stick again and she bounced off.

“Shi-Tzu-Chi,” Kiran said in his low melodious voice. “Adorable and created to kill.”

“Sometimes things are not as they appear.”

“So I’ve come to realize.” He drew back his hood and tossed his cloak over his shoulder. Underneath he wore a soft gray tunic, bordered with black. A sword rested on his waist. His long white hair spilled down in a perfectly straight waterfall. The lines of his caste shone with silver on his forehead.

“A small woman in an old house on a backwater planet possessing power beyond imagination. It has an almost legendary air. A holy quest from prehistory.”

“Except holy quests usually have a worthy goal and a hero. You’re trying to kill a being that caused you no harm.”

“He’s an abomination,” Kiran said. “He must die.”

“Explain something to me,” I said. “You kill for money.”

“Yes.”

“You also kill for pride and for the challenge of it.”

“Yes.”

“But you’re not a religious man. You don’t kill for the sake of your church. Why the sudden interest in the Hiru?”

“You don’t know me.”

“A devout man wouldn’t have murdered a priest.”

He smiled, revealing even, sharp teeth that didn’t belong in any human’s mouth. “High priest.”

And he called me arrogant.

We strolled some more.

“His name is Sunset,” I said.

Kiran tilted his head to look at me.

“The Hiru you’re trying to kill. He has a name. He has consciousness.”

“You’re naive to think that should make a difference to me. I’ve killed hundreds of beings.”

“You won’t kill this one.”

“I will,” he promised me. “You can’t maintain this force field indefinitely.”

True. A week or so and it would begin to strain the inn. “I can maintain it long enough. Why not go look for an easier target?”

“Because the Hiru are rare. Locating another will take time.”

“You’re short on time?”

“Not me.”

I took a wild stab in the dark. “Someone close to you is dying. Killing the Hiru will redeem you and them.”

He didn’t respond.

Who would he care about enough? Sean and I had gone over the files he brought from Wilmos until we damn near memorized them. Kiran wasn’t married.

“Your lover?”

A slight hint of derision touched his mouth.

“It’s your mother. Mekrikzi.”

Something vicious crossed his eyes. I fought an urge to step back.

“My mother is a remarkable woman,” he said quietly. “She won’t spend a single moment in hell and you’re not fit to sully her name with your filthy mouth.”

That’s just great. Now I had a filthy mouth. Well, if that wasn’t a splash of emotion, I didn’t know what was. “I can understand now why you have no wife.”

“And why is that?”

“We have a term for men like you on our planet.”

“And what that would be?”

“Momma’s boy.”

He smiled again. There was no humor in the smile, just a vicious baring of alien teeth. “Everyone has a weakness. We all have people who are close to us. I will find yours.”

“You should look for my parents,” I suggested. “Tell me what you find.”

The smile faltered slightly. “You have friends. Family.”

“They are all in this inn. Everyone I care about is here.”

“I’ll sift through your life. I’ll find every guest who ever stayed in your inn.”

“Start with the Khanum of the Hope-Crushing Horde and her elite warriors. You should totally pay them a surprise visit and drop some vague threats while you’re at it. They love that sort of thing.”

He stopped. His beautiful face turned savage. “When this is over, I’ll burn your house to the ground, put a slave collar around your neck, and drag you out of here. You’ll suffer for years and when I’ve satisfied myself with every cruelty and perversion my mind can invent, I’ll sell the pitiful wreck that you’ll become to the highest bidder.”

His cloak flared and he vanished into the brush.

I sighed. “Come on, Beast.”

We finished our walk and I came back to the porch. Sean had put together a wicked-looking gun. Caldenia was on her third can of Mello Yello.

“Well, that was that.” I sat down in a chair. “I’ve learned nothing useful, except that Freud would love to interview him and that he has apparently given some thought to torturing me.”

“On the contrary, my dear.” Caldenia set the can down. “We’ve learned a great deal.”

“What do you mean?”

“You heard, but you haven’t listened. You must learn to listen, Dina.”

Within the depths of the inn, the door to Baha-char opened. I felt Maud and Arland and nobody else. Crap.

“What?” Sean was on his feet.

“They’re back. Alone.”

The door flew open in front of me and I hurried into the kitchen and then into the front room, Sean and Caldenia behind me. Maud and Arland emerged from the hallway. Mush, fruit peels, and garbage covered their armor. Some unidentifiable sticky yellow slime stained Arland’s breastplate, and pieces of some broken circuitry stuck to it. White ash filled Maud’s hair. Arland was shaking with rage. Maud looked ready to rip someone’s head off. The reek of rotting garbage filled the room and I gagged.

“What happened?” I squeezed out. “Where is the Archivarian?”

Maud hurled her sword onto the floor and spat a single word. “Muckrats!”

“You let muckrats steal the Archivarian? Are you crazy?” Of all the… How could they… Argh!

“They were already there!” Maud waved her arms. “I swear!”

“Lady Maud is correct,” Arland said. “When we arrived, the merchant’s shop was ransacked.”

“He owed money to the muckrats,” Maud added. “He missed a payment so they went through his shipment and took the Archivarian.”

I put my hand over my face. Of all the creatures, it had to be muckrats.

“Why would they want the Archivarian?” Sean asked, his voice calm.

“The lights,” I said.

“What do you mean?” Sean asked.

“The tank is likely big, ornate, and has blinking lights on it.”

“We pursued,” Arland said. “And then we tried to bargain. When reason failed, we attempted to storm their compound.”

“Did you happen to storm it through a garbage compactor?” Sean asked.

Arland gave him a blank look.

“It’s not his fault,” Maud said. “He was brave and he tried. I tried too. They dumped garbage on us and then acid.” She crouched, grabbed her sword off the floor, and stood up, all in one fluid motion, and stuck her sword under my nose. The blade resembled a half-melted candle.

“Two years.” Maud’s voice trembled, and I couldn’t tell if it was from despair or outrage. “I’ve had this sword for two years. It saved my life. Look at it.”

“You needn’t worry, my lady,” Arland said quietly. “I assure you that you will have a new blade, one suited to your skill, before nightfall.”

I heaved a sigh. Berating and yelling wouldn’t fix anything. It would make me feel a lot better, but we didn’t have time to waste.

“We came back here as soon as we could,” Maud said.

“I still think that a prolonged assault may have yielded some results,” Arland said.

“No, Maud is right.” I pulled my robe off and grabbed the car keys from the hook by the door. “You can’t fight muckrats. You can’t reason with them either. You can only trade. Maud, I need you to defend the inn. The Draziri likely won’t attack. It’s broad daylight.”

“Where are you going?” Sean asked.

“To Walmart!”

“I’m coming with you. Kiran’s fixated on you. You can’t count on him being rational.”

I opened my mouth… It would take longer to argue and we didn’t have time. For all I knew the muckrats were prying the argon tank open as we spoke. Besides, he was right. The Draziri had made it personal during our last conversation.

“Okay.” I turned to Maud. “Hold the inn. Please.”

“I got it,” she said.

I stuck my feet into my shoes I had left by the front door and ran for the garage. Sean followed me.

I jumped into the driver’s seat, he took the passenger one, and I forced myself to casually drive out of the garage and pull into the street at a reasonable speed instead of peeling out of there like a Nascar driver. Nobody assaulted us. Nobody followed.

“What are muckrats?” Sean asked.

“Magpies of the galaxy. They have a fort at Baha-char.”

Ten minutes later we marched through Walmart’s doors. I headed straight for the toy aisle.

“What are we looking for?” Sean asked.

“Look for the most annoying thing you can find. Anything that’s loud, has flashing lights, and complicated moving parts.”

I surveyed the toys. The pickings were slim. I thought there would’ve been more, but with the holidays approaching, the toy isle had been picked over.

Wait. I pulled a box off the shelf. Musical Fun Hammer Pounding Toy Game. A variation on Whack-A-Mole, with plastic eggs with funny faces in bright Easter colors popping up and a hammer to whack them with. Please tell me there is a demo… There it was, at the end of the aisle, where the toy was hooked up to a cord. Four buttons on the bottom. I pushed one. Horribly loud music blared from the toy. So far so good. I grabbed the green plastic hammer and pushed the demo button. The blue egg popped up. I smacked it and it lit up from the inside with a seizure-inducing strobe light and gave a police-siren wail. I whacked another egg. A primate’s screech cut my eardrums. Perfect. I grabbed the box and emerged from the aisle, almost running into Sean.

I showed the box to him. “What do you have?”

He lifted a bizarre-looking contraption that resembled a cross between a hair dryer and a megaphone with an array of lights along its plastic frame.

“What the heck is that?”

“It’s a fart gun.”

“A what?”

Sean pressed the trigger. The lights dramatically lit up and the gun made a loud farting noise. “A fart gun. From that kid movie. You said annoying.”

He pressed the trigger again. The gun farted. A woman with a child in her cart looked at us. Sean’s mouth slowly stretched into a smile.

“Okay, fine.” I sped toward the checkout.

A fart.

“Will you stop doing that?”

Another fart.

“Sean! What are you, five?”

He laughed under his breath.

The express checkout lane was empty. Miracle of miracles. I slid my box onto the belt. Sean followed.

The cashier, an older plump woman, smiled at us. “Aww. You’re such a cute couple buying toys. Are you expecting?”

What?

“Yes, we are,” Sean said and put his arm around me.

I would kill him.

“No rings?” The cashier swiped the fart gun across the scanner. “Better get on that wedding fast.”

Of all the… I swiped my card and punched my code into the terminal. That’s why I never came to Walmart.

The card went through. Sean grabbed the two toys and we headed out.

“Good luck, you two!” the cashier called after us.

As soon as we were out the doors, I turned to Sean. “Will you take this seriously? The future of an entire species is at stake.”

“Yes, we’re going to save them with a fart gun.”

“Don’t!”

Fart.

Ugh.

Fifteen minutes later I ran into the inn. Gertrude Hunt seemed no worse for wear. Maud was in the war room. I stuck my head in. “Anything?”

“They tried to send a probe in and I nuked it,” she said. “Go, Dina! Go, we’re fine.”

The inn dropped my Baha-char robe, dark brown with a tattered hem, by my feet. I pulled it on, took a sack out of the closet, and held it open. Sean stuffed the toys into it and I handed it back to him. If anyone could keep it from being stolen, Sean could. The door at the end of the long hallway opened, spilling the bright sunshine of Baha-char into the inn. We stepped through the door.

Heat washed over me. We stood on pale yellow tiles lining the alley. Buildings rose on both sides of us, built with sandstone and decorated with colorful tile, fifteen floors high, each a mess of balconies, terraces, and bridges. Trees, vines, and flowers thrived in planters, adding a welcome relief from the uniformity of sandstone. Banners streamed in the breeze, burgundy, turquoise, and gold. Above, in the purple sky, a gargantuan lavender planet, cracked down the middle, oversaw it all, pieces of it floating by the main mass like misshapen moons.

I hurried out of the alley, Sean next to me. We stepped into the street, and a current of beings swept us along. Creatures in every shape and size walked, crawled, hovered, stomped, and slithered between the buildings, searching the merchants’ stalls and shops for that particular something that couldn’t be bought anywhere else. The street breathed and spoke in a thousand voices.

We wove our way through the current and stopped before a large building, its rectangular doorway dark. Sean grimaced. It wasn’t his favorite place. Damn it, I should’ve thought about it before bringing him with me. Nuan Cee, one of the powerful Merchants of Baha-char, was the one who’d hired Sean to become Turan Adin. Sean was probably being hit with all sorts of memories he was trying to forget.

“I’m sorry,” I told him. “But we need his help.”

“It never comes without a price.”

“I know.”

“We could just go back, get Arland, and storm the place…”

I stepped close to him and kissed him. It was meant to be a quick kiss, a brushing of my lips on his, but the moment we touched, excitement dashed through me. The memory of what it felt like to kiss Sean Evans short-circuited my brain. I threw caution to the wind and kissed him hard. My tongue licked his lips. He opened his mouth and I tasted Sean. Like drinking fire.

We broke apart. I opened my eyes and saw the deep forest in his eyes and a scarred feral wolf looking back. He was close, much closer than he’d ever come before.

Sean wrapped his arm around my waist, and pulled me close. A little thrill dashed through me. I was caught and I didn’t mind. Sean studied my face, leaned, and his mouth closed on mine. He kissed me back, deep, deliberate, seducing me right there on the street. I didn’t want it to stop.

Sean broke the kiss and turned his head.

A creature had emerged from the doorway. Hulking, shaggy with long black fur, with massive arms ending in clawed fingers and a monstrous face filled with fangs, it looked like nothing Earth could produce.

“The Merchant will see you,” the creature boomed.

“We should go in,” I whispered.

He let me go, slowly.

We followed the bodyguard into the tall foyer lined with gray tile. A waterfall splashed from the far wall, falling into a narrow basin. Here and there plants in all shades, from purple and magenta to emerald green, flourished in ornate planters. A table of volcanic glass waited in the middle of the room. I sat on a soft purple sofa by the table. Sean remained standing.

A curtain on the right opened and a fox-like creature barely three and a half feet tall, criminally fluffy, and wearing a jeweled apron, scurried out on two legs. I opened my mouth and forgot to close it. I had expected Nuan Cee. This was…

“Cookie?”

The short fox opened his arms and ran to me. I hugged him.

“What are you doing here?” Sean asked.

Cookie reached out to hug him. Sean hugged him back.

Cookie twitched his lynx ears. “Uncle is away on business. I’m in charge until he returns.”

He stepped back and very formally held his paw-hands together. With his sandy fur and bright blue eyes, he was almost too cute to be taken seriously. However, he was of clan Nuan and underestimating him would prove deadly.

“So what can the great Nuan Cee do for you?” Cookie asked.

“We need your help to bargain with muckrats,” I said. “They have taken an argon tank with a creature inside it as means of payment for a debt owed by a merchant. We need to retrieve the tank.”

“What do you offer in return?”

“A favor,” I said. I didn’t have anything else.

Cookie’s blue eyes narrowed. “I shall do this. In return, I will call on you in time of need.”

“Deal,” I said.

Cookie rubbed his paws together. “What do you have in trade to the muckrats?”

Fart.

Fart.

Faaaaaaart.

“Will you please stop doing that?”

Cookie giggled and waved the fart gun around.

Males and farts. Any species, any planet, didn’t matter.

We walked through the shadow area of Baha-char. The streets were narrow here, the colors duller, the canopies worn. Grime had settled on the doorways. The merchants stayed in their shops with their weapons within reach. Sean scanned the street with his gaze. I felt weary. Cookie skipped without a care in the world as if he was in the middle of a sunny meadow. Possibly because the hulking monstrosity that served as his bodyguard followed us, breathing down my neck, but most likely because his apron identified him as a scion of a Merchant clan. Harming a member of the Merchants meant signing your own death sentence.

We turned the corner. Sean stopped. High stone walls rose on both sides of us, enclosing an area about the size of a football field. Directly in front of us was an enormous metal wall, hammered together from giant rectangular hard steel plates. Smaller plates interrupted it, with rust and acid trails stretching from them over the metal. The huge gate in the center at ground level was big enough for two elephants to pass together side by side.

Cookie rubbed his hands together. “Stand back please and do not say anything.”

He raised the fart gun and let it rip.

A small plate slid aside about fifty feet off the ground.

Cookie took the smashing game and pounded it with the hammer. Lights and awful screeching noises broke the silence.

More plates slid open.

Cookie raised his hands and spoke in the chirping language of the muckrats. He waved his arms. He walked back and forth. He walked some more, lecturing. He lifted the fart gun and let out another blast of sound. He smacked the game with the hammer. He spoke again, then he fell silent.

A short chirping question came from the wall. “Chichi-chichi?”

Cookie launched into a second lecture. He stood on his toes, raising his arms as far as they could go and drew a big circle. He put his arms behind his back and walked around. Then he waited.

The fortress remained quiet.

“I say we storm it,” Sean whispered.

“Hush.”

Another chirp.

Cookie turned to me. “Can I have your shoe?”

I reached for my sneaker.

A chorus of outraged shrieks emanated from the fortress.

“The other shoe,” Cookie said softly.

I took off my left sneaker. Cookie raised it like it was a treasure and deposited it by the toys.

A metal clang echoed through the fortress, followed by rapid thuds. The gates swung open and a horde of muckrats spilled out. About four feet tall, they resembled weasels who somehow walked upright and developed monkey hands. Their sleek fur ranged from rusty brown to black, and they wore little leather kilts adorned with lights. They poured out of the gates, dragging the massive argon tank. The tank was deposited on the ground. A short muckrat dumped a pile of gold coins by the tank, another added a dead scree rat the size of a small cat, and a third put some complex electronic part on it.

The leading muckrat pointed to the pile. “Chi?”

Cookie made a great show of inspecting the goods. “Chi.”

The leading muckrat grabbed my sneaker and raised it up over his head.

“Chiiiiiiiiiiii!”

The muckrats erupted in screaming. The toys vanished and the horde ran back into the fort, as if sucked into it. The metal doors clanged shut.

Sean picked up a gold coin from the pile. “Are these Spanish doubloons?”

“So sorry about the shoe,” Cookie said mournfully as his bodyguard hefted the argon tank onto his shoulder like it weighed nothing, “but they wouldn’t budge on it.”