Nightmare

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

"But I’m involved," Kendi wailed. "I should be there."

"Absolutely not." Ara pressed the seals on her bulging suitcase. The bag shut with a hiss. "There won’t be anything for you to do. Besides, you have school. You’ve been a big help, Kendi, and I promise to let you know everything I can, but we don’t need you along on this one."

"You mean you don’t need a mere student," Kendi growled.

"If it makes you feel better to pout, go right ahead," Ara said heartlessly. "I should be back in a couple of weeks. My sister and brother-in-law will come by every so often to check on you. Don’t go anywhere by yourself, understand?"

Kendi gave her a sidelong look. "You don’t want me to be alone because it’s not safe?"

"That’s right." Ara rummaged through a carryall. Toothbrush, hairbrush, comb, dermosprays, everything there. Had she packed sleeping clothes?

"Safety in numbers and all that, huh?"

"Absolutely." Carryall, suitcase, bookdisks, computer pad. Was her itinerary in the pad? Oh, yes. "Safety in numbers."

"And the more numbers, the better?"

"Yes, yes." Should she take a jacket? Probably. Dreamers, Inc., was headquartered on its own space station, and she usually found the stations a bit chilly.

"Okay. Have a nice trip, then."

Ara said good-bye to Ben-he barely paused in his workout to acknowledge her-and bundled her things outside. Kendi waved his farewell as she shut the door. Something nagged at her as she stood on the deck, something Kendi had said or something Ara herself hadn’t said.

Nerves, she told herself. Stop being such a mother hen. They’ll be fine.

She might not have been so dismissive if she had been able to see the wide grin that stretched Kendi’s face.

The party was enormous. Loud music vibrated the floor and shook the rafters, and the rooms were crowded with brown-clad students. Kendi moved easily among them, dancing a bit here, trading palm slaps there. Ben watched with trepidation and not a little envy. Once again Kendi was the life of the party and Ben was relegated to the corner. He was nervous about the entire affair. Mom hadn’t specifically given permission for a party, no matter what Kendi tricked her into saying. Still, he had gone along with it because he found that lately he just couldn’t say no to Kendi. And, he had told himself, maybe someone else would talk to him because it was his house.

So far the latter hadn’t happened. Ben seemed to fade naturally into the woodwork and the partygoers ignored him after polite, dutiful greetings. Once the sun went down and the house began to fill up, Ben found himself in the same corner he had occupied at the Festival party where he had first met Kendi.

Kendi. Ben closed his eyes. He still couldn’t figure it out. Things had been cool between them since the fight, and Ben knew himself well enough to realize that he had used it as an excuse to push Kendi away. And Ben found he hated it. Not even the news that Zayim and Tress had gotten twenty whole hours of extra work detail made him feel better. Ben wanted to be close to Kendi, ached to be so. And he didn’t understand why he felt that way.

Music continued to throb. Ben shot a nervous glance at the computer speakers. Was it too loud? It would be all he needed to have the Guardians show up and cite him for a loud party. Maybe he should tell the computer to lower the volume, but gradually so no one would-

Ben stiffened. His mouth went dry and his stomach twisted inside him. A ghostly face had appeared at the window. Long, curly dark hair, emerald eyes, pixie features. Dorna. Her eyes met his and she gestured to him. Ben didn’t know what to do. Call the Guardians? Shout for help? She had attacked him, and Ben knew the Guardians wanted to question her. Maybe they even thought she was the Dream stalker.

Dorna gestured again, pointing further up the balcony that ran around the entire house. It was hard to see her, since the lights in the house were on and it was dark outside. Ben glanced around uncertainly. Dorna had attacked him, and that made him angry, but his mother had said she probably suffered from multiple personalities and didn’t know what she was doing.

Now there’s a good reason to go outside and talk to her, he thought.

Dorna gestured once more, then vanished from the window just as Kendi wandered by. Ben grabbed him.

"We need to go outside," he said.

"What? Why?"

"Dorna." And Ben explained.

Without a word, Kendi grabbed Ben’s hand and hauled him outdoors. The night was a bit chilly. A dinosaur called from the forest below, a high, honking sound, and a slight breeze made the leaves rustle as if they were whispering. Music continued to boom inside the house. Kendi took Ben around toward the back of the house, and Ben let him lead. He was nervous, but a small part of him liked the fact that Kendi was holding his hand. Behind the house, the wraparound balcony was more narrow, barely wide enough for two people to walk side-by-side.

"Where is she?" Kendi murmured. He dropped Ben’s hand.

Ben said, "I’m not sure."

"Over here." A hooded shadow edged around the corner. "I’m here."

"Dorna?" Kendi asked. "Where have you-?"

"My name isn’t Dorna," the figure said in a voice so quiet Ben had to strain to hear it. "It’s Violet."

"Violet," Kendi repeated. He drifted a little closer. "All right. Look, half the planet is searching for you. Where have you been hiding?"

"The forest," Dorna/Violet whispered. She sounded scared. "Buck knows things. He’s built a shelter for us and he finds food. But I don’t like it. The dinosaurs are scary."

"They think you’ve been killing people," Kendi said. "In the Dream. Is that true?"

Violet’s eyes went wide and she shook her head. The hood rustled against her hair. "No. Not me. And not Dorna, either. Cole is the killer, don’t you see? He needs to be stopped."

Gooseflesh rose cold on Ben’s arms and back. The woman was completely insane. How many people lived inside her head? Animal instinct told Ben to bolt, put as much distance between this strange creature and himself as possible.

"That’s why I came," she continued. "So that you would know what’s going on. I wanted you to know that Dorna hasn’t killed anyone. Not once."

"Then why did you run away?" Kendi leaned casually against the balcony rail, as if he talked to total lunatics every day. Ben couldn’t help but admire his calm. What if she lunged for him, tried to shove him over the edge? "If you-Dorna, I mean-never killed anyone, there’s nothing to worry about, right?"

"People wouldn’t understand," Violet whispered. "The Guardians would cage us up, beat us. They scare me."

"Were all those people in the Dream your …friends?" Kendi asked. He edged closer again, and Ben wanted to warn him not to. "Buck and Zelda?"

"Zelda’s mean," Violet said. "Sometimes she helps Cole. So does Rudy. He’s the one who hit Ben. Dorna’s talked about you to all of us. She wanted us to meet you in the Dream because she likes you. But Rudy isn’t Silent, so he couldn’t come into the Dream. When everyone else was there, he took control and ran away. He says he never gets enough body time, so he took it when we weren’t looking."

Ben’s skin was crawling now and it was all he could do to keep from running for help. He didn’t dare leave Kendi alone, though. He tensed, ready to attack if she made any strange moves.

"What about you?" Kendi said. "I didn’t see you in the Dream."

"I was there," Violet whispered. "You just didn’t see me. I’m good at hiding. Listen, you have to make sure Cole gets caught. Dorna didn’t kill anyone. It’s all Cole."

Kendi lunged. The move caught both Ben and Violet off-guard. Kendi grabbed her arm and tried to twist her around in front of him. But Violet recovered with surprising speed. In a pair of lightning moves, she smashed her foot down on his instep and rammed her elbow into his solar plexus. The air burst audibly from Kendi’s lungs. Violet whirled and slammed her shoulder into him. Kendi tumbled over the balcony rail.

"Kendi!" Ben shouted. He bolted toward the rail. Kendi hung by one hand, gasping in pain and fear.

"Bastard!" Violet spat. "Fucking son of a bitch!" She punched a window and glass shattered. Screams erupted from inside the house. The music played.

Ben grabbed Kendi’s wrist. His back prickled and he felt vulnerable. Violet was only a few steps away, but he couldn’t spare her any of his attention.

"Give me your other hand, Kendi," he said. "Hurry!"

A cold hand grabbed the back of Ben’s neck and another hand put a firm grip on his groin. Ben froze but didn’t let go of Kendi’s wrist. Kendi swung heavily, trying to get his other arm up. Ben’s hands started to sweat.

"You stupid asshole," Violet (Dorna? Rudy?) growled. "Next time I see you, you just remember that all I did was this."

She squeezed hard. Pain knotted Ben’s stomach and a choking sound escaped his throat but he kept a death-grip on Kendi.

"One shove and I could have killed you, asshole," she hissed in his ear. "Remember that."

And then she was gone. The hard sound of shoes on wood faded into the night. Pain curled like a snake in Ben’s lower abdomen but he forced himself to ignore it. Kendi managed to get his other arm up and grab the balcony rail. Ben helped haul him over the edge, then both of them collapsed to the planks. Ben could do nothing but sit. He felt hot tears trickling down his face, but he didn’t care.

"All life," Kendi said. "All life, she almost killed me."

"She almost killed both of us," Ben said. "We need to get help, but god-I don’t know if I can stand up."

They sat there a moment until half a dozen sets of footsteps rounded the corner. Ben looked up. A group of the party-goers had come outside.

"We heard the window break," one of them said. "Are you guys okay?"

"Help me up," Ben said. "We have to call the Guardians."

Inspector Linus Gray was making Ben and Kendi repeat their story for the third time when Sil and Hazid arrived. Two Guardian officers had checked the house and a dozen others combed the walkways around and the ground beneath the Rymar house, but they found no trace of Dorna Saline. The partiers had long since left, and the house was still a mess.

Kendi watched Ben’s aunt and uncle come in. Kendi’s hand, the one that had hung onto the balcony rail, was scratched and bloody, though he hadn’t noticed until a few moments ago. His shoulder hurt. So did his stomach and his foot where Dorna/Violet had hit him. Or had one of her other personalities done the attacking? That seemed more likely. Violet had seemed afraid of her own shadow.

"What happened here?" Hazid demanded as he strode into the living room. Sil’s gaze swept the messy room, her eyes glittering with righteous disapproval.

"Are you the owner of this house, Brother?" asked Gray, noticing Hazid’s medallion and amber ring.

"I’m the owner’s brother-in-law," he said. "This is my wife, Sister Sil. We keep an eye on the place when Ara goes away. Now what the hell is going on?"

Kendi bristled at the man’s tone. He and Ben had almost died, and this guy sailed in here out of nowhere to yell at them?

"It’s okay, Uncle Hazid," Ben said quietly. "We’re-"

"You were having a party, weren’t you?" Sil accused. "And the neighbors called to complain. Ben, that’s just like you, to ignore what your family-"

"The party was mine," Kendi interrupted. "Who the hell do you think are you, anyway?"

Sil’s mouth fell open and Hazid drew himself up to his full height, topping Kendi by a good ten centimeters. "I am Brother Hazid Lemish and this is Sister Sil Lemish. You will show proper respect, student."

The words just fell from Kendi’s mouth, as if his brain had set itself in neutral. "So Mother Ara outranks you both. Must make it hard at family gatherings."

"Listen, you-"

"I need to finish talking to these boys," Inspector Gray interrupted firmly. "You can get the full story from them in a minute."

"The Guardians questioning the ex-slave," Sil sneered. "I warned Ara that it would come to this one day."

"Yeah, you warned her that she might do something useful with her life," Kendi shot back, "instead of sniffing double doses of Dream drugs to get you through the day. Oh wait-that’s what your kids do."

Hazid’s face went purple. Sil’s mouth opened and shut like a stunned fish. Ben clapped both hands over his face.

"You lying, thieving, filthy little-" Hazid began.

"That the best you can do?" Kendi said. "No wonder you haven’t been promoted."

Ben was curled up on the sofa, hands still over his face. Kendi ignored him. All his anger and fear came rushing out to seek a target, and the man in front of him was a handy one.

"Listen, you piece of gutter trash," Hazid roared. "I’ll see that you get put on so much work detail, you won’t sleep for a week!"

"You’d rather hit me, though, wouldn’t you?" Kendi stuck out his chin. "Go ahead. Your dick will still be smaller than your wife’s."

Hazid sucked in his breath and Inspector Gray stepped between them. "That’s enough!" he roared. "You-" he pointed to Hazid "-take your wife into the kitchen and get her a glass of water. You and you-" he pointed at Kendi and Ben "-come into the bedroom so I can finish questioning you. God, now I know why I didn’t go into teaching."

Hazid, face still flushed, looked like he was going to argue. Then he gave in and guided the still-gaping Sil into the kitchen. Gray was about to march Kendi and Ben into the bedroom when a chime sounded. With a sigh, he reached into a pocket and drew out a portable phone. Almost instantly he fell into a deep conversation. Kendi, feeling a bit drained, sat on the couch next to Ben, whose face was still buried in his hands.

"All life, he’s an asshole," Kendi said. "Are you okay?"

Ben nodded. A strange sound leaked out between his fingers.

"Why are you doing that?" Kendi asked. "What’s wrong?"

A few unintelligible words.

"What?"

Ben got up and ran to Mother Ara’s bedroom. Startled, Kendi scrambled to follow. Ben, who must have parted his fingers enough to see through them, flung himself across the bed. He was shaking. Kendi stood over him, wondering what to do. Was it a seizure? Or was Ben angry? Then Ben flung his hands away from his face and Kendi saw he was laughing. Kendi hurriedly shut the door.

"You were great!" Ben whooped. A few tears leaked out of his eyes to run down his face. "Oh my god-that was the best! I thought Uncle Hazid was going to have a stroke."

Kendi sat gingerly next to him. "Yeah. I’ll keep that in mind while I’m shoveling piles of dino-dung into the next century."

"I’ll help you," Ben said, sitting up. "It was completely worth it. Hey, your hand."

Kendi flexed his palm and winced. Dried blood made a red-brown crust on it, and there were still splinters stuck under the skin. "I haven’t had the chance to clean it yet."

"Hold on a sec." Ben left the room and came back with a first aid kit. Gently, he wiped the blood from Kendi’s hand, then teased the splinters free with a pair of tweezers. Kendi held perfectly still. The pain was negligible, and Kendi remained very aware of was Ben’s hands on his. Ben sprayed the wounds with a disinfectant bandage, and he seemed to be taking his time about it. Kendi swallowed. When the last part of the bandage had been applied, Ben turned Kendi’s palm toward the light to inspect his handiwork.

"How’s that feel?" he asked.

"It’s good. Thanks."

Ben still hadn’t let go of Kendi’s hand, and Kendi didn’t pull away. His mouth had dried up. The only sound in the room was his and Ben’s breathing. Kendi’s brown eyes met Ben’s blue ones, trying to read what he saw there. He gave Ben’s hand a tentative squeeze. Ben made no response but he didn’t let go, either. Kendi was about to make himself say something when the door opened and Inspector Gray walked in. Ben dropped Kendi’s hand.

"Sorry about that," Gray said. "Long call. Let’s take it from the top again, all right?"

After Gray finished taking their statements, he spoke briefly to Sil and Hazid, advising them to stay the night so Ben and Kendi wouldn’t be alone if Dorna came back again. The Guardians would also keep an eye on the house. Hazid was clearly outraged to hear that Kendi was staying in the guest room.

"That insolent, mouthy piece of garbage is sharing this roof?" he said.

Kendi thought about volunteering to stay in Ben’s room and thought the better of it, especially when Ben shot him a look that clearly told him to keep quiet.

"You will sleep on the couch," Hazid told Kendi after Gray had left. "And be thankful it isn’t the floor."

Kendi bit back a sharp reply. All of a sudden he was too tired to care what Hazid said or thought. Not only that, but something was itching at the back of his head. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was, and it bothered him. Something someone had said or done that was important to what was going on.

Ben avoided further contact, especially while Hazid and Sil were watching. Hazid made a quick call to let his offspring know that he and Sil were spending the night at the Rymar house while Sil checked on the guest bedroom. Kendi’s tired mind was nonetheless alert enough to wonder if Sil was looking for slovenly habits on behalf of the ex-slave-something else to complain about. Kendi, however, kept few possessions beyond his clothes. Possessions, he had decided, were something that could be taken away at any time, so there was no point in acquiring a great many of them. It was a bit of Real People philosophy he hadn’t understood until he had lost everything he owned, including his own body, to the slavers.

Finally, after several more glares and pointed remarks on behalf of Sil and Hazid, everyone was settled in for the night. Kendi lay on his back and stared into the beams above the couch. The thing, whatever it was, still nagged at him. Oddly enough, he felt no fear that Dorna would come back to try to finish him off. It seemed connected to the fact he was missing. The nagging itch kept him awake despite his weariness. He thought about sneaking into Ben’s room, seeing if he was awake and talking to him about it, then changed his mind. He didn’t want Hazid or Sil to catch them together. Kendi curled his bandaged hand, remembering how Ben had held it. How much feeling was there? Kendi longed to come straight out and ask, but Pup and Pitr remained uppermost in his mind. What if it was all just a mistake? He couldn’t risk it. Kendi crossed his arms and sighed heavily. Ben would simply have to make the next move.

It took him a long time to fall asleep.

The next morning, Sil and Hazid were still sleeping when Kendi and Ben left for classes. They rehashed the events of the previous night as they walked, though Ben made no reference to anything deeper. The sense that Kendi had missed something continued to nag at him like an itch that he couldn’t locate to scratch.

The moment Kendi reached the monastery classrooms, Jeren, Willa and Kite pounced on him, demanding more details of what had happened. Jeren seemed especially interested.

"Do they know where Dorna’s been hiding?" he demanded. The scar outlining his left eye seemed to blaze against his skin. "She almost killed you."

"I don’t think they know," Kendi said. "I just hope she’s okay."

"Okay?" Willa almost squeaked. "Kendi, she almost knocked you off the balcony. It makes me shake to think that she was our student mentor and she killed all those women."

"We don’t know she did that," Kendi shot back. "And even if she did-"

"— it’s because she’s crazy," Kite finished.

"What is this?" Jeren put in. "Some kind of Aborigine turn-the-other-cheek?"

"We don’t have all the facts yet," Kendi replied lamely. "I think we should keep an open mind. Besides, who knows what Mother Ara’s finding out at Dreamers, Inc.?"

Jeren’s only reply was a sarcastic snort.

The day proved difficult. Thoughts of Ben mingled with thoughts of Dorna-Violet? — and he ached to talk to Ara about the whole thing. Maybe after classes were over he could drop into the Dream, see if she was there. There was a way to reach out of the Dream to contact Silent in the solid world, something Ara called knocking, but Kendi hadn’t learned how to do that yet. Maybe he could figure out how it worked?

With a start he realized that someone had repeated his name. Sister Bren stood over his desk, her young face waiting expectantly.

"What?" he asked.

"Kendi, I do get tired of repeating questions to you," she said. "Please pay attention."

"Sorry," he muttered.

"I asked you what other gift the Ched-Balaar gave humanity. The Dream was one. What was the other."

For once, Kendi remembered the answer. "Gravity," he said. "They gave us gravity generators."

"Absolutely correct," Bren said. "Before the Ched-Balaar, all human ships either operated in freefall or they had to simulate gravity how?"

"By spinning," Kite said without raising his hand.

Bren nodded. "An inconvenient way to travel, to say the least. Now, I’ve uploaded a new program onto the student network. Take out your pads and open the file named-"

But Kendi’s mind was already wandering again.

At last classes ended for the day. He was about to go with the others back to the dormitory when he noticed Willa splitting off in another direction.

"Where are you headed?" he asked.

Willa held up her dermospray. "I’m empty, remember? I have to go the dispensary."

"I’ll go with you," Kendi said on impulse.

They walked in silence for a while, feet tromping the swaying walkways. Almost idly Kendi noticed that Willa wasn’t quite so thin anymore. Her features weren’t nearly as sharp, and her hair, formerly dull as dishwater, had taken on a distinct sheen. Her posture was straighter, and although she showed nothing of the overconfident cockiness of Jeren, she carried herself with more ease.

"You like it here, don’t you?" Kendi said.

"I love it," she declared without hesitation. Her voice was much firmer than it had been a year ago. "Everything about this place is beautiful and fine."

She paused in her walking to peer over the walkway. The lush green growth below trapped the clean scent of last night’s rain and were slowly releasing it even in the late afternoon. Humans and Ched-Balaar, all wearing the medallions of Irfan, strolled up and down balconies and walkways, words mixing pleasantly with clatters and hoots. A gondola sailed past, filled with a human couple and their children. Above them and below, giant buildings and tiny houses nestled discretely among the solid talltree branches as if they had grown there. It felt more like a vacation paradise than a monastery of thousands set into a city of over half a million.

"It’s beautiful," Willa continued. "I know there are dreadful things going on in the Dream and in the solid world-we saw that last night-but I still feel the serenity of the place. It’s like Irfan is watching over us. I feel calm here."

"You had it hard as a slave," Kendi said.

Willa’s face clouded, then cleared. "I did. I had three masters, and every one of them left a mark on me. They changed my name and they tried to change my own self. So I buried it-my own self, I mean. I buried it so deep I couldn’t find it again. This place has helped me dig it back out."

"Was Willa your birth name?" Kendi said. "I never asked."

Willa shook her head. "My name was Janet. Willa was the name my last master gave me. By the time Ara bought and freed me, I had had that name longer than any other, so I decided to keep it. You changed yours again, I know."

"The Real People take names that describe them and change them whenever they need to," Kendi said. "But I think I’ll be a kendi for a long time."

They continued on their way to the student dispensary. It was nothing more than a middle-sized room with seven service windows along the back wall. A sign said Please form a single line, and a series of ropes indicated the direction the line was to take. Because classes had ended for the day, there were several people already waiting, and all seven windows were staffed. After several minutes, Kendi and Willa reached the front and were beckoned toward a window. A male clerk sat behind it.

"Name?" he asked.

Willa gave it and handed over her dermospray. The clerk tapped several keys on his computer and the holographic screen flickered.

"You’ve been practicing quite a lot," he said. "No wonder you need a refill. Hold on a sec."

He popped the dermospray into a slot and tapped the computer again. A slight hissing sound whispered across the counter and a light on the dermospray winked green. The clerk pulled it free and handed it back to Willa.

"A dozen doses," he said. "Thumb here and you’re all set."

Willa pressed her thumb to the plate. Kendi stared at it and something clicked inside his head. His heart jumped.

"All life!" he gasped. "All life-that’s what it is!"

Willa looked at him. "What’s what it is?"

"Do you have the records of all the doses that everyone uses?" Kendi asked the clerk, voice urgent.

"Well, yeah," the clerk replied, startled. "The microtransmitter alerts the dispensary whenever a student uses a dose so your teacher can keep track of how much independent-"

"Can you show me the records for another student?" Kendi asked.

The clerk looked shocked. "Certainly not. That’s confidential information."

"It’s a matter of life and death," Kendi said, almost jumping up and down. "Please, you have to show me."

The clerk tapped his computer and the screen vanished. "Not without authorization I don’t. Listen, son, there are people behind you."

"But-"

"Next!" the clerk said pointedly.

Kendi bit his lip in frustration. Several students in the waiting area were eyeing him curiously, but he barely noticed. Abruptly he grabbed Willa’s hand.

"What’s going on?" she demanded. "Where are we going?"

He said, "To find Father Ched-Hisak."