Monster Blood IV

1

Evan Ross was thinking about Monster Blood. He thought about Monster Blood a lot.

Evan wished he had never discovered Monster Blood. The sticky, slimy green goo had to be the most dangerous substance on Earth.

Evan knew that as soon as you open a can of Monster Blood, you are doomed. The Monster Blood will grow and grow — and suck up everything in its path.

And if you accidentally eat some of the green goo—look out! A tiny chunk of Monster Blood had turned Cuddles, the classroom hamster, into a growling monster as big as a gorilla!

And when Evan accidentally swallowed a little bit of it, he shot up taller than his house. It was not the happiest day of Evan’s life. It was a day he kept trying to forget.

So why was he thinking about Monster Blood today?

His green sweater reminded him of Monster Blood. He had begged his mom not to make the sweater green. But she had already started knitting it. Too late to change colors.

“You look good in green,” she told him. “It brings out your eyes.”

“I don’t want to bring out my eyes,” Evan told her.

He wanted to scream. The yarn she used was greener than the Jolly Green Giant! He pictured himself trapped inside a giant green blob of Monster Blood.

“Wear it to your cousin Kermit’s,” Mrs. Ross instructed him.

“I don’t need a sweater,” he protested. “Just put it in my suitcase.”

“Wear it. It’s winter,” she insisted. “It gets cold, even here in Atlanta.”

“I don’t want to stay at Kermit’s,” Evan grumbled, pulling the sweater over his head. Yuck. Green — and itchy. “How long are you and Dad going to be out West?”

“Only nine or ten days,” his mother replied.

“‘Only’?” Evan cried, struggling into the tight wool sleeves. “I’ll die! Aunt Dee’s food is so horrible! She puts that hot sauce on everything. Even brownies!”

“Your aunt does not put hot sauce on brownies,” Mrs. Ross replied sternly. “She likes to make spicy food, but—”

“I’ll explode!” Evan insisted. “And that geeky little creep, Kermit—”

“Don’t call your cousin a geeky little creep,” Mrs. Ross scolded.

“Well, he is one — isn’t he?” Evan demanded.

“That’s beside the point,” his mom said. She pulled the green sweater down over Evan’s waist and admired it. “It fits perfectly. And I like that shade of green.”

“I look like a ripe watermelon,” Evan grumbled.

“Don’t forget, Aunt Dee is paying you to babysit Kermit,” his mom reminded him. She handed him his suitcase. “You want to go to sleepaway camp this summer, right? Well, you can’t go to camp unless you earn the money to pay for it.”

“I know, I know.” He kissed his mom good-bye.

“Your dad and I will call you when we get to Tucson,” Mrs. Ross said. “Take good care of Kermit. And don’t give Aunt Dee a hard time.”

“I won’t eat till you get back,” Evan told her. “I’ll probably weigh ten pounds.”

His mom laughed.

She thinks I’m joking, Evan thought bitterly.

He hoisted up his backpack and his suitcase and headed for the back door. He passed a mirror in the hall and caught a glimpse of himself in the sweater. “Sick,” he muttered. “I look like a pickle.”

“Evan — what did you say?” his mom called.

“I said, ‘Thanks for the cool sweater!’” he called back to her.

A few seconds later, he was walking through backyards, making his way to Kermit’s house at the end of the block. Maybe I can hide this sweater somewhere, he thought. Maybe I can give it to Kermit as a Christmas present.

No. Kermit is such a shrimp, the sweater would be down to his knees.

It was a sunny, crisp winter day. The sweater glowed under the bright sunlight. It really did remind Evan of Monster Blood.

He pictured the slimy green gunk. He pictured heaps and heaps of it, oozing over the backyards he passed, bubbling and pulsing.

As he walked along, Evan had no idea that he was about to have another Monster Blood adventure.

He had no idea that he was about to discover a whole new kind of Monster Blood.

He had no idea that the green Monster Blood was silly kid stuff compared to the Monster Blood he was about to find.