Metro 2034

CHAPTER 12 Signs

At home at the Kolomenskaya, it hadn’t been far to the surface: Exactly 56 flat steps. The Pavelezkaya was a lot deeper in the earth though. While Sasha stepped up the escalator that had been holed by machine guns, she couldn’t see the end of her climb. Her lamp was just powerful enough to rip out the broken glass of the lamps and the rusted, oblique hanging signs with their darkened faces out of the darkness.

Why did she want to go up here? Why die? But who needed her down there? Who needed her really, as a human and not as an acting person in a book? Why should she try to keep deceiving herself…?

When Sasha had left the body of her father in the lonely Kolomenskaya, she had believed to for fill the escape they had made. Through carrying a small part of him in herself, she thought it would help him to be free.

But since that he had never appeared in her dreams and when she had tried to summon his picture in her fantasies and share with him what she had lived through, he had only appeared obscure and silent.

Her father couldn’t forgive her that she saved him in that way.

Under the books he had brought from time to time, she had always read them if possible before they exchanged them for food and ammunition, an old botanic book was her favorite. The illustration weren’t very colorful, only bleached black and white pictures and pencil drawings, but in the other books that she had gotten her fingers on there weren’t any pictures in them at all. Of all plants she liked the climbing plants the most: She felt like they were part of her soul. Like those flowers she needed something on that she could lean on. To grow up on. To the light.

No before all she had needed a powerful log, to lean on it and to hug it. Not to rob it from light and warmth, no.

Without it she was just too soft, she had not enough spine to stand up straight. Standing on her own she would have to crawl on the ground.

Her father had said that she shouldn’t rely on anybody else. Except for him there had been nobody in this god forsaken station and he had known that he wouldn’t live forever. He would have rather seen her grow up like a tree and not like ivy. But he had forgotten that wasn’t in her female nature. Sasha had survived without him. Without Hunter. But to be united with another human being had been the only reason for her to think about the future. When she had hugged the brigadier on the rushing railcar her life had gained new hold. She reminded herself that it was dangerous to rely on others and unworthy to be depended on somebody.

The harder it was to overcome and explain it to hunter.

Sasha just had wanted to lean, but he had thought that she wanted to hold on to his boot. Now that there was nobody to lean on and also having been kicked in the dirt, it seemed under her honor to keep searching. He had chased her away, said she should go to the surface, well good, then it should be like that. When something happened to her up there it was his fault, it was only in his power to change that.

Finally her steps were at the end. Sasha stood at the edge of a giant marble room, the holed metal ceiling was being kept standing by a few pillars. Through the holes in the distance you could see bright rays of light. They were of surprising grey white color and some of the even shined to the part were Sasha stood. She switched of her lamp, held her breath and continued silently.

Traces of shots and splinters on the walls at the exit of the escalator pointed to humans having been there. But just a few more steps later other creatures ruled. Out of the dried hills of crap that were everywhere bones and pieces of skin stuck out, Sasha knew that she was inside a cave that was inhabited by wild animals. She covered her eyes from the burning light and approached the exit. The closer she got to the origin of the light the deeper became the darkness in the farthest edges of this giant hall she stepped through. She gradually got used to the light, but also lost her feeling for the darkness.

Fallen down kiosks, hills of unimaginable trash and old, stripped technical machines filled the neighboring halls.

It seemed that the humans who had used this room at the Pavelezkaya had stored things which you could still use here, until one day stronger creatures had chased them away from here.

From time to time Sasha thought she could see an almost unnoticeable movement in the dark corners, but she thought it was of her stronger getting blindness. The darkness that was here was already too thick so she didn’t see the silhouettes of the sleeping monster next to the hills of trash.

The air moved gradually over her head, sounded over the heavy breathing and Sasha realized that just a few meters next there she had passed a slightly moving hill. She stood still, listened and starred at the contours of the fallen down kiosks. There between the rubble she saw a strange hump and froze.

The hill that had dug itself into the little house was breathing. Even almost all of the other hills moved in the same rhythm. To be sure Sasha switched on her lamp and put it onto one of the hills. The weak ray of light exposed the wrinkled white skin that ran over a gigantic chest. It was one of the chimaeras that had almost killed her, just a lot bigger.

The creatures were in some kind of stasis and didn’t seem to notice her. Suddenly the animal’s groaned, breathed out through the oblique slits of its snout and started to move… Hastily Sasha put the lamp away and rushed on. The few steps through the scary camp cost her lot of strength: The further she got from the entrance to the metro the denser the chimaeras lay next to each other and the harder it got to find a way past their bodies.

But it was too late to turn around now. Right now Sasha didn’t care about how she would get back to the metro, it only counted for her to get past these creature without any of them noticing. To remain unseen, to feel… If they just didn’t wake up, if they would let her go…. She didn’t need a way back.

She almost didn’t dare to breathe and didn’t even try to think and slowly enclosed on the exit. Asplit tile on the ground made a deceiving sound under her boot. Another wrong step or another coincidental noise and they would awake and rip her to pieces immediately.

Sasha couldn’t shake the thought that just short time ago, maybe yesterday or even today she had wandered between sleeping monsters too, so at least the feeling she had right now was somewhat familiar to her. Suddenly she stopped.

Sasha knew: Sometimes you can feel strangers look on your neck. And even though these creatures had no eyes with them they were searching the room, she clearly felt an intrusive starring on her.

She didn’t have to turn around to realize that one of the animals behind her had awoken and had put its heavy head into her direction.

But she did and turned around.

The girl was gone and Homer didn’t care to search for her right now.

To be honest he didn’t care about anything anymore.

The diary of the radio operator had left one small spark that the disease would spare the old man and Hunter had extinguished that spark with his merciless boot. Homer had started a well prepared conversation, a kind of death sentence. But he hadn’t wanted to pardon him and he wouldn’t have been able to. Homer was the only one responsible for his inevitable fate.

Just a few more weeks, maybe even less. Only ten pages left in his small book with the plastic cover.

He still had so much to say. For homer it wasn’t just a wish but his duty, even thought the unwilling rest was coming to an end very soon.

He straightened the paper so he could continue from his last point, when the doctor cut him off.

But again his hand wrote: “What remains of me?”

And what of the unlucky prisoners at of the Tulskaya? Maybe they had already lost hope, maybe they were still waiting for help and in that case they had a cruel end in front of them. Their memories?

There weren’t enough people that he still remembered.

Memories weren’t really strong mausoleum. If Homer wouldn’t die in the far future all those who he once knew would die with him. Even his own, his personal Moscow would dissolve into nothing.

Where was he? At the Pavelezkaya? The garden ring was now empty and without any live, for the last few hours they had been relocating heavy military gear so that the paramedics and police escorts could pass freely. Out of the side streets stood destroyed city villas and stared like decayed, half fallen out teeth…. Homer could imagine the landscape above him even though he had never himself.

Before the war he had been up there. Had had an appointment with his fiancé in a café, a rendezvous next to the metro and then later had gone into the matinee showing of a movie at the cinema. He also remembered how he had gone under a pricy and clumsy medical examination for his driver’s license test. Also that he had used to leave from this station with his colleagues to go have a barbecue in the forest…

On the squared paper of his notebook suddenly the railway station in the autumn fog and the two in dust sinking towers appeared, a new office building at the ring where one of his friends had worked and the winding top of a new hotel with another just as expensive concert hall next to it. He had once asked for the price of a ticket and it had cost more than what he had made in two weeks.

He saw and heard the clinging, edgy white blue streetcars, filled with unsatisfied passengers, the anger of this harmless crowd made him smile, the garden ring, magnificently lit from thousands of search lights and blinking like one giant garland, timid snowflakes that didn’t fit to the scenery, melting when they touched the dark asphalt and the crowds, myriads of particles, loaded, bumping into each other, at the same time chaotic and racing but everyone moving in a well thought-out lane.

He saw the lane between the Stalin monoliths, where slowly the big river of the garden ring flew onto the plaza.

Hundredths of windows shined like small aquariums to both sides of the broad street. The neon fire of the signs and gigantic billboards which were soon many floors tall buildings would stand… But nobody would ever be able to finish them

He saw everything and realized that he couldn’t describe this beautiful picture anyways. So at the end there was nothing left but the graves of the business center and the luxurious hotel?

She didn’t come back, whether after one nor after three hours. Worried Homer searched the entire station asking the merchants and musicians and even asking the guards on the entrance to Hanza.

Nothing. It was like the ground had swallowed her whole. The old man didn’t know what to do.

Again he leaned himself against the door of the room where the brigadier was laying. He was the last person with who he wanted to talk about the disappearance of the girl, but what else could he do?

Hunter was laying there breathing heavily and staring at the ceiling. His right arm rested on the blanket, his fist showed fresh wounds. From small scratches blood dropped onto the blanket but the brigadier didn’t seem to notice it.

“When are you ready to go?” He asked Homer without turning around.

“If it was only about me, immediately.” The old man hesitated. “It’s just… I can’t’ find the girl. And how do you want to walk in your condition? You’re still totally…”

“I’m going to survive it.” Answered the brigadier.

“Also death isn’t the worst thing. Pack your things. In not even one and a half hour I’m back on my feet. We are going to the Dobryninskaya”

“One hour is enough for me.” Said Homer hastily.

“But before that I have to find her. I want her to come with us… I really need her, you know…”

“I’ll leave in one hour.” Said hunter. “With you or without you. And also without her.”

“I just don’t understand, where could she have gone?” Homer sighed disappointed. “If I just knew…”

“I know where she went.” Said the brigadier indifferent. “But from there you can’t bring her back. Go pack your things.”

Homer retreated and blinked with his eyes. He was used to relying on the brigadier’s inhuman abilities but now he refused to believe him. What if Hunter was lying again, this time to get rid of unnecessary ballast?

“She said that you would need her…”

“I need you.” Hunter moved his head in Homers direction. “And you need me.”

“For what?” Whispered homer.

“Much depends on you.” The brigadier had heard him.

He slowly closed his eyes and opened them again.

The bed squealed when Hunter rose up with his teeth fletched. “Go now. Pack your things so you’re ready in time.”

Before he left the room Homer stopped for a moment and took the red makeup box from the ground. The cover was broken and the hinges were bent and loose.

The mirror was fragmented.

Homer turned around and said to Hunter. “I can’t leave without her.”

The chimera was almost twice as big as Sasha. Its head bumped against the ceiling. The claws were almost hanging down to the ground.

Sasha knew how lighting fast these animals moved and with what unbelievable speed they attacked. To reach her it just had to make one big step forward. That would bee enough.

But somehow the animal hesitated. It was no use to shot and Sasha wasn’t even able to raise her rifle. She took one step back, to the exit. The chimera made a groaning sound and walked into the direction of the girl… But nothing else happened. The monster remained there and continued to stare with its blind face.

Sasha dared to make another step, and another.

Without taking her eyes of the animal, without showing fear she approached the exit. The creature kept following her only a few meters in front of her. As if it wanted to keep her company to the door.

Only as Sasha was just ten meters away from the bright opening she couldn’t take it anymore and started to run. The creature screamed and rushed forward.

Sasha almost flew outside and ran with her eyes closed. Until she stumbled and slid on the rough and hard ground. The chimera had to reach her every moment now and rip her to pieces, but her follower hadn’t pursued her. A long minute passed and then another… Around her was nothing but silence.

Sasha kept her eyes closed while she searched in her pockets for the self-made glasses that she had bought from the guard. It was made out of two dark green bottoms from two glass bottles. It was held together by a frame of iron rings and a bit of rubber. You could put the glasses over the round windows of your gasmask.

No she could open her eyes without being blinded by the light. Slowly she opened them. At first hesitantly and with her head lowered but then with more courage she looked around the strange place she had ended up.

Over her head was the sky. Real sky, bright and far reaching. Here was more light than any artificial light source could ever create.

Everything was covered in an even tone of green. At a few places there were low hanging clouds but between them was a true abyss.

The sun! Through the thin layer of clouds she could see it: A circle as big as a match box, white and so bright that it could burn a hole through Sasha’s glasses at any moment now. Fearful she looked away, waited for a moment and took another stealthy look. It was a bit disappointing: It was nothing but a bright hole in the sky, why all that idolatry?

But no, a certain yes even something that moved her.

When Sasha had left the darkness of the cave in which those creatures had been living the exit had almost shined as bright. What if the sun was just such an exit where you could flee to a place where it was never dark? So she could escape the ground out of which she had just climbed out? She felt weak, almost unnoticeable warmth from the sun, like from a living being.

Sasha was standing in a desert of stone; all around her were half destroyed old houses. The black windows openings towered teen stories high. There were so many of them, they covered each other and pressed into field of vision so she could see them better.

Behind them were even higher buildings and behind them even higher buildings which were towering giants.

Unbelievable but Sasha could see all of them! They were covered in the stupid green color but the earth under her feet, the air under this crazy bright and bottomless sky was real. And then they opened up to unimaginable wideness.

Even though her eyes had always been used to the darkness, they had never been made for it. In the evening hours at the abyss of the metro bridge she had only seen the ugly buildings in the area around one hundredth meters up to the hermetic door. Behind that there had been darkness, so thick that even Sasha who had been born underground couldn’t see through.

She had never really asked herself how big the world was in which she lived. For her there had always been just this small, dark cocoon, a few hundredth meters into every direction. Behind the buildings there had only been an abyss, it had been the edge of the universe for her, absolute darkness.

And even though she knew that in reality the earth was much bigger she had never been able to imagine it. Now she realized that it would have been impossible.

Strangely she wasn’t afraid in midst of this never ending no-man’s-land. When she had climbed back into the metro, she had always felt like she had crawled back into her armor, now it felt like she had left her shell.

At day you could see all dangers from a distance and Sasha had more than enough time to hide and defend herself.

And suddenly she felt the unknown feeling of being at home.

The wind chased round balls of thorny twigs over the plaza, howling monotone through the destroyed lines of houses, blew over her back, brought her new courage and drove her to explore this new world.

She had no choice: To get back into the metro she had set foot into this building were the cruel monsters were and they were no longer sleeping. From time to time their white bodies appeared at the exits and disappeared as fast as they had appeared. It seemed that they didn’t like daylight.

But what would happen if it would become night? If Sasha wanted to see something before her death, all that the old man had described to her, then she had to get as much distance between her and this place as possible.

So she started running.

She had never felt so small. It seemed unbelievable that these giant buildings had been created by humans of her size. For what had they needed them? Had people been prepared by nature for the hard life in the narrowness of the tunnels and the stations?

These buildings on the other hand must have been built by the proud ancestors of the small humans they were now. They must have been powerful, tall and imposing like their buildings in which they had lived.

Now the buildings stepped aside and the earth was covered in a stony, grey and at some parts splintered crust.

In just one small moment the world had become even bigger: From here it opened the view into the distance so that Sasha’s heart stopped and her head began to spin.

She leaned against the with fungus and moss covered wall of a building, which simple clock tower seemed to support the clouds and tried to imagine how the city had looked when it was still alive…

Over the street, this was a street without a doubt, tall, beautiful humans stepped in their colorful clothes which even made the most colorful dresses at the Pavelezkaya look poor and laughable.

Through the glittering masses automobiles moved like the wagons of the trains in the metro, but they were smaller so that only four passengers could fit into them.

The houses had looked less dark. In the windows had been clean glass and no darkness. Sasha saw small bridges that had been attached to the houses at different heights. (balconies).

The sky hadn’t been empty as well: Planes of indescribable size swum through the clouds and their bellies almost touched the roofs of the houses. Her father had once explained that while they were flying they didn’t waggle their wings but that they remained still, but in Sasha’s imagination they had been like giant dragonflies, their wings almost invisible, flattering around and weakly reflecting the green rays of the sun.

And it rained.

It was just water that fell from the sky, but the feeling was overwhelming. This heavenly water didn’t just wash down dirt and tiredness, that had done the hot rays of the self made shower, no this water cleaned from the inside but gave you forgiveness for all your mistakes. It was a magical bath, which burned away all bitterness out of their hearts, renewed them and made them young again. Giving her the wish to live and the power to do so at the same time. Just like the old man had said…

Sasha believed so hard in this world, she wished so hard for it so that she could finally see it. She already heard the slight sound of the transparent wings in the sky, the happy twittering of the masses, the gradual beating of the iron wheels and the rushing sound of the warm rain. And suddenly she remembered the distant melody that she had heard yesterday…

She felt a painful sting in her chest. She jumped up and ran onto the street, to the stream of people, ran around the small wagons that were stuck in the crowd and held her face into the heavy drops. The old man had been right: It was wonderful here, almost like out of a fairy tail. You just had to scratch away the mold of time and the past started to glitter and see the colorful mosaics and the bronze reliefs of the stations.

At the other shore of the green river she stopped. The bridge which had once stretched over it had broken down right at the beginning of the bridge, the other shore was out of her reach.

The magic disappeared.

The picture which just a few moments ago had been so real and colorful fainted and went away.

The dried up, empty houses, the cracked open skin of the streets, the two meter high grass at the edges, the wild impenetrable grove, the rest of the street next to the river bank, as far as her eye reached, it was all that was left of her beautiful phantom world.

Sasha felt hurt from the inside that she would never see this world with her own eyes. She now only had the choice between death and the return to the metro. Nowhere in the world was still one of those tall humans in their colorful clothes.

She was the only human soul on this broad street, which ended at a far away point, there were the sky and the deserted road met each other.

The weather was good. No rain.

Sasha couldn’t even cry. Now she just wanted to die.

As if it had heard her wish, far over her a black shadow opened its wings.

What should he do? To let the brigadier go, to give up on his book and stay at the station until he had found the girl? Or should he take her out of his novel forever, follow hunter and wait like the spider in its nest until a new heroine got caught in his net?

Reason forbade Homer to separate himself from the brigadier. For what else had he made the journey, for what else had he been exposing the entire metro to a deadly danger? He had no right to wager his work, the only thing that justified all those sacrifices, the once already made and the coming ones.

But when he picked up the broken mirror from the ground he realized: When he left the Pavelezkaya without knowing the fate of the girl he was betraying her. A betrayal that would sooner or later seek revenge in his book. He would never be able to get Sasha out of his memories.

Whatever Hunter said, Homer had to do everything to find the girl, or at least convince himself that she was still alive.

So the old man doubled his effort. The ring line?

Can’t be, without documents they would never let her through to Hanza. Through the gate?

Homer searched from the beginning of the station to its end, asking everybody who passed him if they hadn’t seen a girl pass them. She must have worn a radiation suit. Homer didn’t believe his ears.

Finally he had followed Sasha’s footsteps to the guard at the end of the escalator.

“That’s not my problem.” Answered the guard in his cabin tired. “She can go wherever she wants. I even gave her some good glasses… You can’t go through there now though, I already got in trouble for letting her through. Up there our nightly visitors have their nest. Nobody goes there. When she asked me I almost started laughing.” His pupils were as big as the end of a pistol and starred into the distance without noticing Homer (the guard is high as hell).

“Go back grandfather, it is going to be dark soon.”

Hunter had known! But what had he meant when he had said that Homer wouldn’t have been able to get her back from there? Was she still alive?

In his haste he stumbled back to the hospital. He dove under the low hallway, climbed down the narrow staircase and opened the door without knocking…

The room was empty: Neither Hunter nor his weapons were anywhere to be seen. Only the bloody bandages which were brown from his blood were lying on the ground. Next to it the empty flask.

The cleaned radiation suit in the next room was gone. The brigadier had left Homer like an annoying dog.

Humanity got signs. Her father had always believed that. You just had to see them and encrypt them.

Sasha looked up and froze. If somebody had wanted to give her a sign it couldn’t have been clearer.

Not far from the broken bridge, out of the thicket, an old round tower with a strangely decorated dome on it stood and was the highest building in the entire area. She could see it clearly: The walls were covered in deep cracks and the tower slowly tended to one side dangerously. It would have already fallen to its pieces if not a miracle had kept it standing straight… How could she have overlooked it?

Around the building was a giant climbing plant. Its stem was of course a bit thinner then the tower itself. But it seemed that its strength was enough to support the gradually decaying building. This strange plant ran around the tower and from its stem thick branches with thinner twigs built some kind of web that held the building in place.

Surely this plant had once been weak and had bent like the soft and young plants. But now it had climbed onto the edges and the balconies of the tower. If the tower wouldn’t have been that high it would have never grown to that size.

Amazed, yes even under a spell Sasha looked at the plant and the building it was saving. Everything made sense again and her will to fight returned. It was strange but for her nothing had changed. Still, against all odds this small plant had broken through the grey crust of her despair.

Of course there were things that she could never repair. Things that had happened and words which she could never take back. And still, there was so much in this story that she could change even though she didn’t know how. The most important part was that again she had new strength.

Now Sasha believed to guess the reason why the hungry chimera had let her go unharmed.

Somebody had dragged its invisible chain back so that she could still have a chance.

Full of thankfulness she was ready to forgive, ready to discuss and ready to fight. From Hunter she just needed a small sign. Only a sign.

Suddenly the lowering sun disappeared and flamed up again. Sasha raised her head and out of her line of sight she could see the black, lighting fast shadow that had dove down over her head. For a second the sun had been darkened.

A howling sound cut through the air, a deafening screaming, like a rock the creature fell from the sky at Sasha.

Acting only out of instinct she threw herself onto the ground at the same time and only that saved her. The shadow missed her by about the length of a hair. A giant creature glided with spread wings over the ground. Returned with a powerful beat of its wings into the air, started to fly in a circle and attack again.

Sasha reached for her rifle, but lowered her arms at the same time. Even a frontal salve wouldn’t stop this monster.

Nor kill it. And she also had to hit it first! She stumbled back to the free plaza from where she had started her short expedition. She didn’t waste a single thought how she would be able to return to the metro.

The flying creature screamed and attacked again.

Sasha’s legs got stuck in the suit and she fell stomach first on the ground but she managed to turn on her back and shot a short salve at the creature. The bullets scared the monster off for a few moments without leaving a fatal injury.

The few seconds she had won she used to get back up on her feet and run to the next houses.

Finally she knew how she could defend herself against the attacker.

Now another shadows circled the sky. They kept themselves in the air with their heavy, leathery.

Sasha plan was simple: When she kept close to the walls of the houses, these big and immobile monster couldn’t get to her. How she got away from here… Well she didn’t have any other choice anyways.

Done! She pressed herself against the wall and hoped that the cruel creatures would stop their attack.

But no: It seemed they had hunted more skillful prey before. The first one landed on the ground, and then the second one, around twenty meters from her and approached slowly, dragging their wings behind them.

Another slave of her rifle didn’t scare them off but only made them angrier, the bullets seemed to get stuck in the thick skin. The animal that had gotten closest to Sasha opened its mouth: Under its big snout and the raised black lips came oblique, needle-like looking sharp teeth to the light.

“Down!”

Sasha threw herself onto the ground without thinking where the voice had come from. Suddenly something exploded closely next to her and a burning hot shockwave griped her. Another one followed immediately, sounded over the wild animalistic screaming and the distant sound of wings.

Hesitantly she raised her head, coughed up dust from her lungs and looked around. Not far from her, into the street a fresh crater with filled in dark, oily blood, had been drilled. Next to it was a ripped out, burnt wing and a few burnt pieces of flesh which had no real shape.

Over the stony crater a strong built man in a heavy radiation suit approached her with steady, straight steps.

Hunter!