Matched

CHAPTER 4

What?" Completely startled, I touch the screen and the face dissolves under my fingertips, pixelating into specks that look like dust. Words appear, but before I can read them the screen goes completely blank. Again.

"What's going on?" I say out loud.

The portscreen stays blank. I feel blank, too. This is a thousand times worse than the empty screen last night. I knew what it meant then. I have no idea what it means now. I've never heard of this happening.

I don't understand. The Society doesn't make mistakes.

But what else could this be? No one has two Matches.

"Cassia?" Xander calls to me through the door.

"I'm coming," I call out, tearing the microcard from the port and shoving it into my pocket. I take one deep breath, and then I open the door.

"So, I learned from your microcard that you like cycling," Xander says formally as I close the door behind me, making me laugh a little in spite of what just happened. I hate cycling the most out of all the exercise options, and he knows it. We argue about it all the time; I think it's stupid to go riding on something that doesn't move, spinning your wheels endlessly. He points out that I like to run on the tracker, which is almost the same thing. "It's different," I tell him, but I can't explain why.

"Did you spend all day staring at my face on the portscreen?" he asks. He's still joking, but suddenly I can't catch my breath. He viewed his microcard, too. Was my face the one he saw? It feels so strange to be hiding something, especially from Xander.

"Of course not," I say, trying to tease back. "It's Saturday, remember? I had work to do."

"I did, too, but that didn't stop me. I read all your stats and reviewed all the courtship guidelines."

He unknowingly throws me a lifeline with those words. I am not drowning in worry anymore. I am neck deep and it still washes over me in cold waves, but now I can breathe. Xander still thinks we are Matched. Nothing strange happened to him when he viewed his microcard. That's something, at least.

"You read all the guidelines?" "Of course. Didn't you?"

"Not yet." I feel stupid admitting this, but Xander laughs again.

"They're not very interesting," he says. "Except for one." He winks at me significantly.

"Oh?" I say, distracted. I see other youth our age mingling and gathering on our street, walking to the game center like us. They're waving, calling, wearing the same clothes we wear. But there's a difference tonight. Some are watching. Some are watched: me, and Xander.

The others' eyes glance at us, hold, flicker away, look back.

I'm not used to it. Xander and I are normal, healthy citizens, part of this group. Not outsiders.

But I feel separated now, as though a clear thin wall rises up distinctly between myself and those staring at me. We can see each other, but we can't cross over.

"Are you all right?" Xander asks.

Too late, I realize that I should have responded to Xander's comment and asked him which guideline he found interesting. If I can't pull myself together soon, he'll know something's wrong. We know each other too well.

Xander reaches for my elbow as we turn the corner and leave Mapletree Borough. When we've walked a few steps more, he slides his hand down my arm and interlaces his fingers with mine. He leans closer to my ear. "One of the guidelines said that we are allowed to express physical affection. If we want."

And I do want. Even with all the stress I feel, the touch of his hand against mine with nothing to separate us is still welcome and new. I'm surprised that Xander is so natural at this. And as we walk, I recognize the emotion that I see on some of the faces of the girls staring at us. It's jealousy, pure and simple. I relax a little, because I can understand why. None of us ever thought we could have golden, charismatic, clever Xander. We always knew he would be Matched with another girl in another City, another Province.

But he's not. He's Matched with me.

I keep my fingers locked in his as we walk toward the game center. Maybe, if I don't let go, it will prove that we are meant to be Matched. That the other face on the screen means nothing; that it was simply a momentary malfunction of the microcard.

Except. The face I saw, the face that was not Xander: I knew him, too.