Live and let Drood

CHAPTER SIX

It doesn t matter how much experience you have of the world or how much you think you understand how things work; every now and again the way things really are will just rise up and slap you round the head.

Molly and I stood together looking up at Big Ben, with Molly not saying I told you so so loudly it was almost deafening. As Catherine Latimer had taken a certain delight in telling me, the Department of the Uncanny was indeed currently based at Big Ben. Just as Madame O had said back on Brighton Pier.

Smugness really is very unattractive in a woman, I said, looking straight ahead. Bloody Big Ben I ve heard of hiding in plain sight, but this is ridiculous. Hiding one of this country s most secret organisations behind a major tourist attraction? That s thinking so lateral, it s positively perverse.

Big Ben is actually the name of the bell, Molly said solemnly. Not the tower, or the clock at the top. I know many other useful facts about Big Ben, if you re interested.

I mean, we re talking about a bloody big tower right next to the House of Commons! I said bitterly. And no one in that place could keep a secret even if you put a gun to their nads.

Molly looked at me sharply. We re not going to have to go down into Under Parliament again, are we? That whole layout gave me the creeps big-time.

No, I said. There s a hidden door right at the base of the tower. Raise your Sight and look straight ahead.

I was already looking at it. A simple everyday door, standing upright on its own some two to three feet in front of the tower. Invisible and intangible to the rest of the world, it was a dimensional door, kept subtly out of phase with reality to provide a gateway to another place. Which meant the Department of the Uncanny wasn t actually in Big Ben, but somewhere else. Which meant that technically speaking, I d been right all along. I had enough sense not to say that, of course. There was even a very neat and polite sign on the door saying, DEPARTMENT OF THE UNCANNY; ENQUIRE WITHIN, for those with the eyes to see it. What next a welcome mat? Guided tours? A souvenir shop?

Stop frowning, said Molly. It ll give you wrinkles. Tell me things about the Department of the Uncanny. Lecture me. You know that always puts you in a better mood.

It would have made a much better peace offering if she could have said it without the smirk, but of such compromises are successful relationships made. Or so I m told.

Catherine Latimer had quite a lot to say about the Department of the Uncanny, I said. While you were prowling round her office, looking for more things to steal. Most of these remarks were of a somewhat jealous and judgemental nature, but that s competing secret organisations for you. It s what she didn t say that intrigues me the most. She seemed to know things only about the Department s previous incarnation, when it was run by the Shadowy Cabinet. Political appointees, the lot of them, and living proof that it s who, rather than what, you know that gets you ahead in government circles. They re all gone now, of course; the entire Shadowy Cabinet was killed off during the Great Satanic Conspiracy.

Whose side were they on? said Molly.

No one knows, I said. The Satanists wiped them all out, apparently for not making up their minds quickly enough. To my mind, the very fact they were considering the question was good enough reason to stamp them all into the ground with extreme prejudice. The Regent of Shadows was invited to come in and do the whole new-broom thing shortly afterwards, and that was when Catherine Latimer s information stopped. Which suggests, if nothing else, that the Regent runs a tight ship and holds his secrets close to his chest.

Good for him, said Molly. He ll talk to us, though. Won t he?

Oh yes, I said. He ll talk to us.

If he knows what s good for him.

Exactly! Can I lecture you some more?

Oh, go on, then. You know that professorial voice gets me all hot. And it ll help cheer you up for being so totally and utterly wrong about Big Ben. If you start to get boring, I can always heckle and throw things.

The Department exists to keep an eye on the hidden world, I said. To find out and know everything that matters about those aspects of the supernatural world that might pose a threat. Or at the very least, to know as much as possible. Because everything is always changing in the hidden world. Which is why the Department s agents are always so busy, overworked and just a bit twitchy. The Department then passes the relevant data on to those best able to make use of it, or at least to those the government of the day approves of. The Ghost Finders, the SAS combat sorcerers, the London Knights even the Droods; after they ve tried everything else, including prayer, and closing their eyes and just hoping it all goes away. Governments have always hated going cap in hand to my family.

Gosh, said Molly, I can t think why. Could it be because you always want something really hefty in return?

Who s telling this? I said. The Department of the Uncanny is part of the Establishment, though they like to say they re separate from it. But then, everyone in the Establishment likes to think that. Helps them sleep better at night. Catherine Latimer told me that Big Ben is the real London Eye, the Eye on the outer worlds. That the clock faces are just a disguise, a distraction. Because apparently someone or something lives at the top of the tower and Sees all and knows all.

Like Madame O? said Molly.

Rather more clearly, one hopes, I said. The Department gathers most of its information through field agents. They work in the shadows, as shadows, entirely undetected. No one knows who they are.

Not even each other?

Must make for some stilted conversations in the staff canteen. And then there are the special agents, not unlike Drood field agents, for when something must be done. Usually in a hurry.

I suppose no one knows who they are, either, said Molly.

Got it in one! In fact, there are those who have been known to suggest that these Special Agents may not exist at all. Just smoke and mirrors to fool all the other secret organisations into taking the Department of the Uncanny more seriously.

Don t the Droods know?

Oh, I m sure someone in the family did, I said, and then stopped to correct myself. I m sure someone does. We always make it a point to know the things that no one else knows. Knowledge is ammunition in the hidden world of secret organisations.

I glanced casually about me. Night was falling, the lights were coming on and tourists strolled up and down the pavements, stopping now and then to take photos of one another before places of interest. And to peer uncertainly across the River Thames at the Houses of Parliament and wonder if anything important might be going on. And all the time they had no idea a door stood before Big Ben, unseen and unknown, that could have delivered them right into the heart of the secret world. But then, that s always the way. Wherever you are and wherever you go, you re never far from someone or something you re better off not knowing about.

Once again, I d left the Phantom V parked so illegally it was practically committing treason just sitting there. I d told Catherine Latimer I d be parking the Rolls right next to the Houses of Parliament, so she could warn off the security people. In the full knowledge that the boss might or might not pass the information along. Depending on whether she thought it might be funnier not to. Like most people in positions of power, Latimer was famous for her perverse, not to say downright peculiar, sense of humour.

Poor car, said Molly, running her hand affectionately over the gleaming bonnet. It must get really bored, left on its own so often. Maybe we could leave the radio on.

I don t think so, I said.

Poor car Who s a good car, then?

Don t encourage it, I said sternly.

The Armourer s personalised cars have more than enough personality as it is.

We left the Phantom V behind, and strode determinedly towards the door only we could See. None of the tourists noticed a thing, of course. The door saw to that. It waited till the very last moment, and then swung smoothly and invitingly open before us.

You know, I said, just a bit wistfully, I can remember when I was a proper spy, and no one had a clue who or what I was.

We re clearly expected, said Molly.

No one expects the Drood Inquisition!

And we both walked laughing through the Uncanny door, something that probably didn t happen all that often. There was a brief and unsettling feeling of transition, and just like that we were somewhere else. And very clearly not anywhere inside the tower of Big Ben. Molly slipped an arm possessively through mine and leaned in close so she could murmur in my ear.

Very powerful teleport, she said quietly.

Very sleek, very professional and, I might add, very much above the pay scale of a department like this. Which means either there s more to this particular mob than meets the eye or they stole it. Can I just enquire? Can you get us out of here in a hurry, should it prove necessary for us to get the hell out of Dodge with bullets flying around our nether regions?

I have the Merlin Glass, I said just as quietly.

That s not what I asked, said Molly.

Oh, ye of little faith. I thought the blatantly purloined Twilight Teardrop currently hanging round your splendid neck had restored all your abilities.

Oh, hell, yes. I m just bursting with all kinds of magics! All kinds! I m not worried at all. I just thought you might be.

It s good of you to be so concerned, I said. Makes me feel so much more secure.

I can never tell when you re being serious, Molly said severely.

Neither can I Just settle for the fact that we are where we wanted to be, and try not to dwell too much on the fact that the door we came through has already disappeared.

Imagine my surprise, said Molly.

We were standing in a warm and cosy waiting room, with great bunches of flowers in oriental vases, pleasant paintings on brightly painted walls and a deep, deep shag-pile carpet. The whole setting had a familiar feel, and it took me a moment to realise it was because my new surroundings reminded me of home. Of Drood Hall. I suppressed a sudden stab of sorrow as I wondered if I d ever see the Hall, my Hall, again. I d purposefully kept myself busy all day just so I wouldn t have to think or feel things like that. I d always defined myself as the Drood who ran away from home, but if there wasn t a home or a family to run away from then who was I, really? What was I? I d always fought for the right to live away from my family, but I d always wanted them to still be there.

I remembered a moment from my childhood. Sitting alone in the silent empty dormitory while all the other children were off studying, while my uncle James sat beside me on the bed and told me that my mother and father wouldn t be coming home again. Ever. Because they d been killed out in the field on a mission that went wrong. These things happen, he said as kindly as he could. You have to be strong now, Eddie. Be a Drood. For your mother and father, and for the family. Can you do that? And I wanted to please him, because even then I greatly admired my uncle James, so I said, Yes, I can be strong. Anything for the family. Because I knew that was what I was supposed to say. And he smiled and slapped me on the shoulder, and got up and went away. Leaving me sitting there alone in that eerily silent and deserted dormitory. And all I could think was, I want my mum. I want my dad.

And standing there in that familiar-seeming room, I felt just that way again for no reason I could understand.

Eddie? said Molly. What s wrong? You re shaking.

It s okay, I said. Molly. I was just thinking. Remembering.

She squeezed my arm reassuringly. And then we both looked round sharply as a young Indian woman wearing a brightly patterned sari entered the room. She smiled warmly at both of us, and we gave her our best professional smiles.

Welcome to Uncanny, she said, in a rich contralto voice. I m Ankani. Please come with me. The Regent is very much looking forward to meeting with you.

Are you his secretary? I said.

Ankani smiled broadly. Hardly. I m one of his special agents. We didn t want you overawing the regular staff. We all spend time here in between assignments, guarding the place and doing whatever needs doing. We all muck in around here. The Regent s a great one for us all feeling like family. Breeds esprit de corps, and helps weed out those who aren t in this for the right reasons. But we mustn t keep the Regent waiting. He s been preparing for this meeting all day.

I looked at Molly, both of us conspicuously not budging. Someone else who knew we were going to be here before we did.

Really not liking that, said Molly. I d hate to think I was becoming predictable at my time of life.

It s our job to know things, said Ankani.

Even before they happen? I said.

Oh, especially then. Ankani smiled suddenly in a way that made her look a lot younger. But mostly we re just really good guessers.

Then maybe you can tell me, I said bluntly.

Do you know why my family would never talk about the Regent?

Of course, said Ankani. But I really think I d better leave it to the Regent to tell you. I think it will come better from him. I really don t want to spoil the surprise.

Ankani led us through a series of narrow, cheerfully lit corridors that reminded me of some old-fashioned country house. And, once again, of the quieter parts of Drood Hall. Along the way we passed a number of other Uncanny agents of an especially outr nature. I did wonder whether this was a show put on for our benefit to impress us with the Department s capabilities. We almost walked right into an agent so thoroughly camouflaged by his surroundings, I could hardly make him out. I looked back as he passed, and all I could see were the footprints he left in the deep carpeting.

Show-off, said Molly.

Our next encounter was with an oversized Hell s Angel, all long hair and heavy biker leathers, with a Rastamouse Lives! T-shirt. He just grunted and nodded quickly, while I wondered exactly where he could blend in as an undercover agent.

He was followed by a ghostly Viking figure, complete with horned helmet and a bear-fur cloak that looked like it might have been part of the bear as early as that morning. He was a huge burly figure, but he still stepped quickly aside to let us pass, half of him disappearing into the wall.

That s the Phantom Berserker, said Ankani. We inherited him from the previous administration. They dug him up out of a burial mound in Norway back in the 1960s, and he followed them back here like a stray dog. So they gave him a bowl of mead and a blanket to sleep on in the kitchen, and he s been here ever since. The Regent did discuss having him exorcised when he took over, but we found we liked having him around. He s just like a big puppy, only with a really big axe. And it s not like he s got anywhere else to go, poor soul. He s a bit single-minded, and more than a bit on the shy side in mixed company, but there s no one you d rather have at your side when there s serious Smiting of the Bad Guys to be done.

She finally knocked on a door that looked no different from all the other doors we d passed, waited for a voice from inside and then pushed the door open and ushered us into the Regent s office. And there he was, at last, the Regent of Shadows and new head of the Department of the Uncanny. A man of average height though a little on the skinny side, who looked to be in his late seventies wearing a scruffy suit with leather patches on the elbows, and what looked like breakfast stains on his waistcoat. He had iron-grey hair, an almost military grey moustache, a charming smile and piercing blue eyes. He looked amiable enough at first, but you had only to meet his steady gaze for a moment to see the unrelenting authority in the man. He reminded me a lot of Catherine Latimer in that both of them seemed very hale and hearty and full of energy for someone of their years. The Regent looked like he d be only too happy to challenge me to a friendly bout of arm wrestling, and probably win two out of three.

He came out from behind his desk with brisk movements and easy charm, and insisted on shaking hands with me and Molly. He had large bony hands and a firm hearty handshake. I found myself relaxing in his presence, despite myself, feeling safe and secure and at home. Molly was friendly enough to him, but I could sense the reserve in her. She never was easily impressed by anyone.

I made a point of looking round the Regent s office to keep from staring at him. It looked more like a retired gentleman s study than a place where important decisions were made every day. More like a quiet room to sit and relax in and refresh the inner man. A comfortable setting, cosy and cheerful, with richly polished, wood-panelled walls. No framed portraits anywhere, for which I was grateful. I d had enough of that for one day. Books filled the shelves of a battered old bookcase, but they were well-thumbed paperbacks rather than leather-bound first editions. And there were yet more fresh flowers, blooming in elegant vases.

There was just the one window, firmly closed, looking out over a late-evening view of wide-open fields spreading away to lap up against a dark forest, half-silhouetted against the dying day. More evidence, if more were needed, that we weren t in London anymore. Beside the window stood a tall grandfather clock, its heavy pendulum swinging slowly, ticking loudly in an impressive and reassuring way. I was half-convinced the entire office had been specially designed to put visitors at their ease, to lull them into a false sense of peace and security. I did my best to resist it. Molly seemed entirely unimpressed by her surroundings, but then, she always did. On principle.

She d liked Catherine Latimer s office only because it was full of things she intended to liberate and take home with her. Or sell for a healthy profit. Fortunately, I couldn t see anything in the Regent s office worth stealing.

He smiled easily at Ankani, who was still hovering in the open doorway. Thank you, Ankani. That will be all for the moment. I can take it from here. Do try and have those execution warrants on my desk by the end of day. There s a dear.

Ankani nodded quickly, smiled brightly at all of us and left in a swirl of sari, shutting the door quietly behind her. The Regent gestured invitingly at the two stiff-backed visitors chairs set out before his desk, and Molly and I sat down. She made a point of moving her chair a little to one side, so she wouldn t be sitting with her back to the door. The Regent sank into his much more comfortable-looking chair on the other side of the desk. There were no in or out trays, no scattered papers; an entirely empty desktop, as though he d deliberately cleared everything away so he could concentrate on Molly and me. He leaned forward and clasped his large hands together on top of his desk. But before he could say anything, his door flew open and a large, plain, middle-aged woman in a cheap print dress bustled in, bearing an enamelled tea tray, complete with a delicate willow-pattern china tea service, and all the makings necessary for a good cup of tea. She strode right up to the desk and planted the tray on the desktop. The Regent beamed at her.

Thank you, Miss Mitchell. Right on cue. And a plate of chocolate hobnobs! You re spoiling us today.

Those are for the visitors, sir, said Miss Mitchell. You told me to remind you you re on a diet.

So I did! So I did

Shall I be mother, sir, and pour for everyone?

No, no, that s fine, Miss Mitchell. I can cope. That will be all for now.

Call if you need anything, sir. I m never far away. She smiled briefly about her and hurried off, closing the door firmly behind her.

A very efficient, and almost frighteningly friendly woman, that Miss Mitchell, said the Regent. I inherited her from someone, and if I ever find out who, I ll have his guts for garters. Possibly quite literally.

And, of course, then nothing would do but the Regent had to set out all the tea things and make sure we all had a nice cup of steaming-hot tea before things went any further. I sipped at mine cautiously. It was good tea. The Regent gave every indication of being a decent, genial, charming sort, but I was determined not to be taken in by appearances. There had to be some good reason why my family would never talk about the man. And then the Regent took a sip of his tea, grimaced at the heat, poured some of his tea into his saucer and sipped the cooled tea from the saucer.

I sat very still as a sudden chill seized my heart and my soul.

The Regent looked at me over his tilted saucer and smiled easily at me. I m glad you ve come to see me at last, Eddie. It s been such a long time since I last saw you.

Molly looked quickly from the Regent to me, saw I wasn t going to say anything, and looked back at the Regent. You know Eddie?

Of course. Though it has been many years

We ve met before, I said. It was a statement of fact, not a question. It was hard to speak. My lips, my face were numb with something like shock.

Of course we have, Eddie, said the Regent. His voice was calm and kind. I am your grandfather Arthur. Martha Drood s first husband.

Molly was up on her feet in a moment, putting herself bodily between me and the Regent.

Cut the crap! Eddie s grandfather is dead! Everyone knows that! I don t know what you re up to here, but I won t let you hurt him. I ll kill you first!

And then she stopped, because the Regent was smiling proudly at her. I really am who I say I am, Molly Metcalf. And I would die before I let any harm come to my grandson here. I have to say, Eddie, I m glad to see you have such a protective girlfriend.

I rose slowly to my feet to face the Regent. Molly stepped reluctantly back to hover at my side, scowling unhappily, so the Regent and I could stand face-to-face.

They told me you were dead, I said. Everyone in the family said you were dead, killed in the Kiev Conspiracy back in 1957.

Well, they would, said the Regent. There is a reason why the family doesn t talk about me. I went rogue, Eddie, because I stood up and said I no longer believed in how the family did things. I wanted to make the Droods over, into a better and more ethical organisation. More involved in protecting people than ruling them. I really thought Martha would stand by me, right up to the moment when she didn t. We d been so close, after all, for so many years ran so many missions together, back when we were both Drood field agents. But once she was made Matriarch, we both had no choice but to return to the Hall and our duties. I did my best to take on the burden of day-to-day decision making, keeping the pressure off her shoulders so she could concentrate on the things that mattered. Dictating policy, directing the family, guarding Humanity from all the things that threaten it. And the work just ground us down and drove us apart. We never seemed to have time for each other after that.

We did talk about my growing doubts over how the family operated; it s hard to overlook all the dirty business the family gets up to when you re running things but her answer was always, What else is there? We have a duty, she said, to stick to what we know works. When the time came when I just couldn t stand it any longer, because we d lost our only daughter and her husband in the field over stupid mistakes that should never have happened then I called an emergency meeting of the council and I stood up in front of all of them and said, No more! And Martha looked me right in the eye and ordered me to either sit down and shut up or get out. It was either complete and unswerving loyalty to her and the family or nothing. Her way or the highway I think I like to think that she was actually shocked when I said I d leave. That the Droods had become something I was ashamed to be a part of.

Martha never thought I d really leave, because that would mean turning my back on her as well as the family. But I no longer recognised her. She wasn t the woman I d loved and married anymore. She had to fight to be allowed to marry me, you know; had to go head-to-head with the previous Matriarch. Because she and I were second cousins. The family s always had a horror of inbreeding.

So, I left, or was driven out, depending on how you look at it. A rogue Drood. I became the Regent of Shadows, to put my beliefs into practice. An organisation of shadow agents, more concerned with amassing useful information than meddling in people s lives. I adopted an impressive-sounding title because I didn t want anyone to know I d been a Drood, and because titles make people take you more seriously. To begin with, I made a point of recruiting people like myself, thrown out of other secret organisations for being wild cards, and I had a surprisingly high success rate with my choices.

I discovered later that Martha wanted the rest of the family told I was dead rather than admit to the shame that her own husband would rather leave the Droods than admit she was right. She always was very single-minded. I went along. It wasn t like I had any intention of ever going back, you see. It never even occurred to me that the leopards could change their golden spots. A lack of vision on my part, or perhaps my pride was hurt. When I learned how much you d changed the Droods, Eddie, how much you achieved and how quickly, I couldn t believe it.

Only the higher-ups in the family knew the truth about me, and they set out to rewrite Drood family history. I was written out, declared dead in 1957 don t ask me why that date in particular and all my triumphs and victories were given over to others. Not that I gave a damn

How could they just forget you? said Molly.

The Heart, I said. The Matriarch had the Heart rework people s memories through their torcs. Right?

All the lower orders, yes, said the Regent.

Martha let the higher-ups remember. As an object lesson.

And that s why Martha always said, We don t talk about him! said Molly.

Because if they did, they might start remembering, now the Heart is gone, said the Regent.

I remembered, I said. Perhaps because the Heart s gone and the Hall s gone but I remembered meeting you that one time, when I was small. Watching you drink tea from your saucer

A bad habit, the Regent said solemnly. Don t do it in polite company. People stare at you. He stopped smiling, his eyes suddenly cold and faraway. Even after you changed everything, Eddie Martha still couldn t bring herself to call me home. Perhaps because she d remarried, perhaps because that would have meant she d have to admit she d been wrong all along.

Hold it, said Molly. I was thankful she was keeping up our end of the conversation; I was still finding it difficult to say anything. Molly stepped forward and fixed the Regent with a cold glare. Martha was married to Alistair. So you must have divorced at some point.

Of course, said the Regent. Martha did it the day she kicked me out. The Matriarch was in charge of everything in those days. Weddings have always been big celebrations in the family; divorces and separations, less so. We re Droods. We don t like to admit we can get it wrong. What was Alistair like? I never met the man. I ve read all the files, of course, but it s not the same.

Weak, Molly said bluntly. He was weak.

But he stood up to be counted when it mattered, I said. He put his life on the line to defend Martha. Later he was killed and replaced by an Immortal. I killed the Immortal.

I m glad Martha found someone worthy of her, said the Regent. I never found anyone that could replace her. Thank you for avenging him, Eddie.

He stood up and came out from behind his desk. I stood up, though my legs were trembling. He came forward and embraced me and I held him tightly, as though afraid someone might try to take him away from me again. We held on to each other for a long while, while Molly stood to one side, looking on coldly. The Regent and I finally let go, stepped back and looked at each other.

Grandfather, I said. No wonder this place you made reminds me so much of home.

And look at you, Eddie. All grown up. My boys James and Jack sent me photos of you, and files later on, when they could. They had to keep that secret, of course. Martha could never know. Or perhaps she did and just told herself she didn t. She was always a great one for compartmentalising. Once you came here to be a field agent in London, I kept an eye on you. From a safe distance. Watched your back as much as I dared. You ve achieved so much. I have always been so very proud of you, Eddie.

Then why didn t you come back! I couldn t keep all the anger out of my voice. After I destroyed the Heart and overthrew the Matriarch

I had responsibilities here, said the Regent. I still found it easier to think of him that way. He met my gaze steadily. I had my organisation, all my shadow agents, to consider, and I d built a new life here. A new family. I couldn t just walk out on them, could I? I wasn t even a proper Drood anymore. Martha couldn t take my torc from me, but she did persuade the Heart to seal me off from my armour. I haven t been able to call on it since I left the Hall.

I did mean to reach out to Martha, at least, but I always thought there would be time later. We always think that, until it s too late. And to be honest, I wanted to wait and see if your changes would last. You re not the first angry young Drood to try to reform the family by force, you know. Were you really surprised, Eddie, when they took the democracy you gave them and used it to vote you out?

Not really, I said. No

I almost came back, said the Regent. When word reached me that Martha had been murdered. Right there, in her own bed, in her own quarters, in the Hall. I never really thought she d agree to see me again, even after everything had changed, but I always thought that, perhaps someday right up till I heard she was dead. I realised then I could never go back to the Hall. No one remembered me, so my turning up would only have muddied the waters. And I didn t want to do anything that would interfere with finding Martha s killer. I did hear you killed the man who murdered her, Eddie.

Yes, I said. I ll tell you the whole story someday. Some other time. It was the least I could do for her.

Thank you for that, said the Regent. I have to ask: I did hear that you d been killed.

Not permanently, I said. Molly saved me.

The Regent smiled at her. Thank you for that, Molly Metcalf.

She just nodded stiffly. I didn t quite understand then that she thought she was still looking out for me. That she didn t trust anyone else to have my best interests at heart. I looked at the Regent.

So, you knew all about me? When I was a field agent here?

Of course, said the Regent. Why do you think James and Jack worked so hard to get you posted here?

All those years, I said. You were so close, but you never once reached out to me! Never told me the truth! Why not, Grandfather? How could you leave me on my own for so long?

I had my reasons, the Regent said steadily.

I couldn t contact you. Martha would have named you rogue, just for knowing about me.

She did that, anyway, eventually, I said.

I know. Martha never was the kind to let sentiment get in the way of what she believed needed doing. The job, the never-ending duties and responsibilities, they just ground all the softer emotions out of her. I saw it happening even while I was still there, but there was nothing I could do. I could protect her from everyone but herself. It was never safe, for either of us, for me to reach out to you. If any of our enemies had discovered the true nature of our relationship, you can be sure they would have found some way to use it against us. I did what I could to watch over you from the shadows. But now you and I are the only family we have left. Apart from the other rogues, of course. Is the Hall really completely destroyed, Eddie? Nothing left but ruins?

I was about to tell him the truth, when Molly stopped me with a sharp look. She didn t trust the Regent. I could tell.

Eddie, she said, I m glad you ve found your grandfather after all this time. Really, I am. But some secrets should stay secrets. Until we re sure of the situation.

I just scowled at her, resentful that she couldn t share my happiness. But the Regent was already nodding his head solemnly.

Spoken like a true agent, Molly. Your secrets can wait, whatever they are. He turned back to me. Tell me what it is you need right now, Eddie. Why have you come here, to the Regent of Shadows, to the Department of the Uncanny?

Despite myself, I forced my emotions down and put on my professional persona. I wanted to believe in the Regent, but I have better reasons than most to know that most rogues are rogues. There was still one thing I couldn t let go.

Do you know the truth about what happened to my parents? I said bluntly.

To my daughter, Emily, and her husband, Charles? Of course I know. I made it my business to find out, and to hell with whoever got in my way. And I promise I will tell you the whole story one day, but not until the current crisis is over. You can t afford to be distracted.

Tell me! I said, putting all my anger and authority into my voice. Tell me right now!

I can t, he said steadily, meeting my harsh gaze with unwavering eyes. I m sorry, Eddie. You ll understand in time.

Typical Drood, said Molly. Never give away anything that matters, except on your own terms. Do you know what happened to my parents? Jake and Dana Metcalf? Supposedly killed by the Droods for fighting alongside the White Horse Faction.

I remember that, said the Regent.

Molly and I waited until it became clear he had nothing to more to say on the subject. The wild upsurge of emotions I d felt on discovering who he was were beginning to die down. He might be my grandfather, but he was also the Regent of Shadows, and his duties and responsibilities were bound to be different from mine.

My parents deaths are supposed to be linked to those of Emily and Charles, said Molly, studying the Regent closely. Because they saw something they shouldn t have. Because they knew too much

There s nothing I can tell you about that, the Regent said carefully. Not right now. It s complicated.

But you do know what happened to them? insisted Molly, glaring fiercely at the Regent.

Of course I know, he said. I was there. Are you any happier for knowing that, Molly? Knowing that I can t tell you any more for the moment?

I looked at the Regent in a new way, seeing for the first time the cold, hard professional who d survived leaving the Droods and his wife to found his own secret army. The Regent of Shadows. You don t get to be head of a secret organisation like that unless you ve got true Drood grit in you.

When this is all over, I said to him, and something in my voice snapped his head right round to look at me, then we are going to talk about this. And I will not walk away until you ve told Molly and me everything you know about how our parents died.

The Regent surprised me then by smiling approvingly at me.

That s the way, Eddie! It s good to see you re everything the files say you are.

He sat down behind his desk again. Molly and I sat down facing him. I needed something else we could talk about or I was going to end up shouting at him.

How did the Regent of Shadows, with his own organisation of specially trained and independent spies, end up here, running the Department of the Uncanny and part of the Establishment?

Not by choice, said the Regent. I was happy enough on my own, but Catherine Latimer approached me personally and asked me to take over Uncanny, because MI-13 had been proven not just infiltrated, but completely corrupt. Someone had to take up the slack, and Uncanny couldn t do it on their own. I couldn t say no. Even when you re not a Drood any longer, duty and responsibility still weigh heavy on you. I did make it clear that I would split us up again, as soon as MI-13 had been properly restored but I doubt I will. There s nothing more seductive than fire-rate resources and a decent budget. I can do more here at Uncanny than I ever could with all my shadows.

Why should the Carnacki boss approach you personally? I said.

Oh, she and I go way back, said the Regent. He laughed quietly at the surprise on my face. We were all such chums together back in the day. Out in the field, fighting the forces of evil with cunning and charm, a quip on the lips and a sword blade hidden inside a furled umbrella. Like-minded souls, from many different areas. Martha and me, the Independent Agent and the Walking Woman, Catherine Latimer and Crow Lee Oh yes, they were quite the couple back then, fresh out of Cambridge and looking for supernatural trouble to get into. Though she never talks about it anymore, she really was quite sweet on him at the time. It s always the bad boy who makes a good girl s heart beat that little bit faster. And he did throw the very best parties. Martha and I were such happy bright young things, before she was called back to assume the heavy mantle of the Matriarch.

He looked at me kindly. You don t have to be on your own anymore, Eddie. Would you like to come and work with me here at Uncanny? I know the family is all gone, but you could be part of the new family I ve made here. Everyone would make you very welcome.

And I just couldn t hold it back any longer. They re not dead! They re still alive! The Droods are still out there, somewhere!

What?

The Regent jumped to his feet, staring slack-jawed at me. And I jumped to my feet, grinning broadly. I glanced apologetically at Molly, who rolled her eyes and gave me a Go on, then, if you must look.

The ruined Hall isn t our Hall, I said to the Regent. It s another Hall, another Drood family, from a different dimension, with a different history. Our Hall was rotated to another Earth by Alpha Red Alpha. You do know about that? Of course you do. I m pretty sure it was operated from outside, by remote control, taking our family by surprise. They probably never knew what hit them, until it was far too late. And now they re trapped in that other place, unable to get home. But they re still alive! I m sure of it! The dead Droods in the ruined Hall were just left there to distract us, to keep us from looking for the real thing! I m working on a way to get our family back, but I need help and resources. That s why I came here.

Showing off in front of Grandpa, muttered Molly.

The horror, the horror

But I wasn t listening, because the Regent gave a great whoop of delight and burst out from behind his desk to grab me by the arms and dance me round his office, hollering away happily. I laughed helplessly along with him, dancing just as wildly. It felt so good to have someone else to share my good news with. Molly knew, but she wasn t a Drood. She wasn t family, with all that meant. So she stood to one side, smiling painfully, waiting for the Regent and I to wear ourselves out. And eventually we did. The Regent dropped back into the chair behind his desk, flushed bright red, breathing hard, grinning. I slumped into the stiff-backed visitor s chair, fighting to get my breathing back under control. Molly sat down beside me and wouldn t look at either of us. The Regent and I grinned at each other.

If Alpha Red Alpha got rid of our family, he said, finally, how in hell are we going to get them back?

I m working on that, I said.

The Regent laughed breathlessly. Everything I ve heard about you really is true.

Oh, it is, said Molly. Believe it.

Now, you said someone must have activated Alpha Red Alpha by remote control, said the Regent. Who do you think was behind that?

I m pretty sure it was Crow Lee, I said, and then had to break off as the Regent slammed his fist on the desktop.

Of course it s him! Has to be him! Only he d have the brass nerve Cheeky bugger! I was talking to him just the other week, and he never so much as hinted at what he was planning. He must have known I d have thrown this whole organisation against him if I d known.

Would you? said Molly. Would you really? You d have risked everything you ve built up to save the family that threw you out?

Once a Drood, always a Drood, said the Regent.

Right, Eddie?

Unfortunately, yes, I said. You have to understand, Molly, despite everything, it s always going to be Anything for the family. It s bred in the bone.

Trust me, I had noticed, said Molly.

Crow Lee said the Regent, rubbing his hands together briskly. I ve been searching for some way to bring down that arrogant little shit for years. They don t call him the Most Evil Man in the World for nothing. But as I m sure I m not the first to say he s always been too well connected for me to touch. I couldn t even get near him because of his powerful friends in high and low places.

Molly looked at me. If the Droods knew what Crow Lee was, why didn t they take him down? Connections in high places shouldn t have been any obstacle to your family.

Crow Lee s connections aren t just with the Thrones of this World, I said patiently. We re not just talking about the everyday movers and shakers of politics and big business. Though he certainly has enough of them by the balls No, Crow Lee made compacts with Above and Below, long ago. With the Houses of Pain and the Shimmering Plains, trading them something they wanted in return for power and protection. And, no, we don t know what the deal involved. I looked at the Regent hopefully, but he just shook his head briefly.

I have heard rumours, the Regent said slowly.

And I feel I should make it clear that I have no actual evidence rumours that Crow Lee had some kind of hold over the Droods. Enough of a hold to keep them at bay all these years

A hold? I said. What kind of a hold are we talking about here?

Like I said, all I have are rumours, most of them contradictory. But to keep Crow Lee off the Drood agenda for so long, it would have to concern some of the highest people in the family.

Blackmail, Molly said succinctly.

Could be, said the Regent. But if it was, I ve never been able to find out who or what was involved. And believe me, I ve tried. You were head of the family for a while there, Eddie. Did anyone ever say anything to you?

No, I said. I m only just beginning to discover how much they managed to keep from me. And given all the terrible and sometimes downright appalling things my family has cheerfully admitted to down the years what could Crow Lee know about that s bad enough to give him a hold over us?

What if he lost this hold? said Molly. After all the changes your family s been through of late, maybe what he knew just didn t matter anymore. What if the ones being blackmailed were finally in a position to tell him to go to hell? That might have been enough to provoke his attack. If the Droods were finally getting ready to go after him, maybe he decided to get his preemptive strike in first.

Or maybe he just saw the family in a weakened state and decided to take them off the board while he had the chance, said the Regent. After all your recent wars, the Hungry Gods and the Loathly Ones, the Immortals and the Great Satanic Conspiracy the family s lost a lot of good people, Eddie. You ve never looked so vulnerable.

And then we all looked round sharply as the door banged open and Miss Mitchell strode in. She wasn t carrying a tea tray this time.

I didn t call you, Miss Mitchell, said the Regent. And this really isn t a good time.

Crow Lee sends his regards, said Miss Mitchell, the pleasant and plain middle-aged woman in the cheap dress. She raised the Luger at her side and shot the Regent three times in the chest. I cried out as the impact of the bullets threw him right out of his chair. I was up on my feet in a moment and then froze as Miss Mitchell brought up her other hand to show me the clicker she was holding.

Crow Lee gave me this. He got it from someone in your family. Something to hold your armour in your collar, so I can kill you. And I will kill you, Edwin Drood, because that s what Crow Lee wants. He wants your whole stupid family dead and gone. And I will do anything for Crow Lee because he loves me.

She smiled brightly at me and hit the clicker. I called my armour and it came, sweeping over me from head to foot in a moment. Miss Mitchell looked blankly into my featureless golden face mask and hit the clicker again and again. It had clearly been programmed to affect my old strange-matter armour; not the new rogue armour. Miss Mitchell fired her gun at me, shooting me at point-blank range again and again, and the bullets just ricocheted away harmlessly.

It s not fair, said Miss Mitchell.

It s not fair! Cheater!

I took a step towards her. She fell back a step and then raised the Luger and pressed it against her head. She looked at me defiantly.

Crow Lee loves me!

She shot herself, and the Luger blew half her head away. She crumbled bonelessly to the floor. I armoured down, and looked at Molly.

You could have stopped her, said Molly. You could have slapped that gun right out of her hand, with your speed, before she could have pulled the trigger.

You could have stopped her, I said. You could have made her gun disappear or turned it into a flower. But you didn t.

She was a traitor, said Molly. And neither of us have ever had any time for traitors.

She killed my grandfather, I said. And she would have killed me.

Molly moved forward and put her hands on my chest. Oh, Eddie. I m so sorry about your grandfather. You d only just found him again.

I will avenge him, I said flatly. I will kill Crow Lee and everyone who stands with him. I ve always been able to do that much for my family.

No need for that, thank you, said the Regent, getting stiffly back onto his feet again. He brushed vaguely at his clothes and then shook himself briskly. Molly and I looked at him blankly, and he grinned.

But you don t have Drood armour anymore! I said. You said

I don t, said the Regent. So I had to improvise. I knew all kinds of people would be gunning for me once I d left Drood Hall, so I made other arrangements. He undid the top few buttons of his shirt and pulled it open to reveal a large glowing amulet on his chest, apparently fused directly to his skin. There was a large golden eye in the centre of the amulet, and it glared at me unblinkingly. I stirred uneasily. It could see me. I could tell. The Regent tapped the amulet proudly, and then buttoned up his shirt again. Kayleigh s Eye, a very old and very potent thing from Somewhere Else. Absolutely guaranteed to protect the wearer from any and all forms of attack. You wouldn t believe what I had to give the previous owner in exchange.

Hold everything, said Molly. Last I heard, Kayleigh s Eye was in the Nightside, very firmly owned by the Salvation Army Sisterhood.

The Regent just smiled at her. Kayleigh had more than one eye. He moved over to look down at the dead woman lying on his carpet in a widening pool of blood. He shook his head sadly. Poor Miss Mitchell. Crow Lee lied to you, dear. He didn t love you. He doesn t love anyone. But I do have to wonder: If he could get to you, who else in Uncanny might he have got his hooks into? Hello. What s this?

I was there before him, picking up the clicker Miss Mitchell had dropped, and tucking it carefully away in my pocket.

Just a weapon that didn t work, I said.

The Regent looked at me thoughtfully. And then we all looked round sharply as the office door banged open and Ankani burst into the room, sari swirling around her, a large gun in each hand, ready for trouble. She checked that the Regent was safe, and only then looked at Molly and me before finally looking down at the body on the floor. I stood very still, ready to call on my armour, while Molly s hands moved slowly and subtly in dangerous ways. Ankani knelt down to study what was left of Miss Mitchell s head, and then shrugged and lowered her guns. She straightened up, stepped back a pace to avoid the spreading blood and looked to the Regent for orders.

Nice reaction time, my dear, the Regent said briskly, but right now I m more interested in how Miss Mitchell was able to smuggle a bloody big handgun past all our supposedly top-rank security measures. Find out, Ankani. You are authorised to use severe language and excessive force. I m also authorising a complete lockdown; no one gets in or out until they ve been thoroughly checked. I want a full investigation into how Crow Lee was able to use his mind games on one of my most trusted people. Have the body removed. I want a full autopsy. See if she was under any outside influence. I doubt it, to be honest, but I do feel I should give the poor old thing the benefit of the doubt. Oh, and I ll need a new carpet.

Of course, sir, said Ankani. I ll have a full report on your desk by morning.

You ll have it here by end of day, growled the Regent. No one goes home till we ve got this sorted.

Yes, sir, said Ankani.

She made her guns disappear somewhere about her person, and then bent down and picked up Miss Mitchell without any obvious effort. She slung the body over one shoulder, smiled winningly at all of us, and then left, pulling the door quietly shut behind her.

Given that your tea lady turned out to be an assassin, are you sure you trust her any better? Molly said sweetly.

Ankani? Of course! said the Regent. Been with me for years. One of my best agents. Trust her implicitly.

You trusted Miss Mitchell, I said, looking at the large bloody stain on the carpet. There were quite a few bits of bone and brains, too. Miss Mitchell had meant business. Crow Lee s business.

Yes, well, said the Regent. There s trust, and then there s trust.

That s a real Drood answer for you, said Molly.

The apple never falls far from the tree, the Regent said vaguely.

If Crow Lee had a traitor inside your organisation, I said thoughtfully, who s to say he didn t have someone inside the Droods? I mean, how else could he have known about Alpha Red Alpha? Most of our family didn t know it was down there, underneath the Hall, on the grounds that if they had, they d probably have left the Hall en masse and set up tents on the grounds rather than live over such a dangerous thing. Hold it hold everything. Go previous. Drop anchors. Grandfather, has anyone ever talked to you about the Original Traitor?

No, said the Regent. And it does sound like something I ought to know about. Tell me about this Original Traitor, Eddie. Tell me everything.

So we all sat down again, and I filled him in on the latest conspiracy theory within the Droods that there was a traitor inside the family who went back years, maybe decades, maybe even centuries. Subtly sabotaging us, working from within to undermine everything we did for his own hidden purposes.

I ve been away too long, said the Regent.

Far too many things I don t know Why the Original Traitor?

Because we don t know how far back he goes, I said. There is some evidence to suggest he goes way, way back.

Given how many of your family s more important secrets have been forced out into the light recently, said Molly, maybe the Original Traitor feels you re closing in on him at last. He must be getting a bit desperate.

We re pretty sure he murdered Sebastian, I said.

Good God! said the Regent. Really? He worked for us, you know.

Sebastian worked for everyone, I said. He was murdered during the Hungry Gods affair, while he was being held inside one of our supposedly secure holding cells. Which is supposed to be impossible.

And Freddie went missing around the same time, said Molly. He s been declared missing, presumed dead.

Both of them rogues, said the Regent. Are we assuming a connection?

I don t know, I said. But I think we need to track down the remaining rogues and make contact with them. Apart from you and me, they re the only Droods left in this world. A world that probably wouldn t be too unhappy if we were to become extinct I did make contact with some of them when I was declared rogue by Martha. But most of them have disappeared. The Mole has gone deep underground, and no one s seen Mad Frankie Phantasm or Harriet Hatchet in ages. Of course, it could just be that the rogues don t want to talk to me because I killed one of them. Arnold Drood, the Bloody Man.

I did hear about that, said the Regent, nodding slowly. It was a righteous kill, Eddie. If ever a man needed killing, he did.

And Tiger Tim, I said. He needed killing, too.

The Regent looked at me sharply. Timothy? Jack s boy? That was you? I d heard he d been killed, but I didn t want to believe it. He was Jack s only child.

I know, I said.

And my only other grandson. Did you really have to?

Yes, I said.

You were there, said the Regent. It was your decision to make. But he still didn t want to look at me. Poor Jack. Life has not been kind to him.

What about James s children? said Molly.

They d be your grandchildren, too.

The Grey Bastards? said the Regent, not quite turning up his nose. I know all about them. I think not. They re not Droods, you see. Just half-breeds. I know it shouldn t matter that they re all illegitimate, but it does. I think I m old enough to be allowed to be old-fashioned about some things.

There s still Gerard Drood, Grendel Rex, the Unforgiven God, said Molly, just a bit mischievously, and perhaps showing off a little. Still securely bound and buried, sleeping deep beneath the Siberian permafrost.

We don t talk about him! the Regent said sternly. And we all managed some sort of smile.

Do you know of any rogue Droods I might not have heard of? I said. Any who might be willing to help us against Crow Lee, or even any who might be working with him?

I know of thirty-seven other rogues scattered across the world, said the Regent. I sat up straight in my chair.

Thirty-seven? I said, not even trying to hide my disbelief. I never knew there were that many still alive, running loose in the world!

I told you, said the Regent, smiling easily.

It s my job to know everything and anything that matters. Because you never know when it might come in handy Can t hold out much hope for contacting most of them. Too busy with their own little schemes, which my people are, of course, keeping a careful eye on And I really don t see how Crow Lee could have suborned any of them without my agents knowing.

You didn t know about Miss Mitchell, said Molly. And she was right under your nose.

True, said the Regent. Very true. I ll have my people reach out to the rogues, Eddie, but

Yes, I said. But.

Some of them might talk to my people, where they wouldn t talk to you, said the Regent. And I ll approach the more cautious ones through a series of cutouts, so they won t know who s asking. Might learn something useful Anything else I can do for you while you re here?

Yes, Molly said bluntly. Do you know where my sisters are?

The Regent blinked a few times at the sudden turn in the conversation, but he recovered quickly. Isabella and Louisa? Can t you just contact them yourself?

Normally, yes, said Molly. We re very close. But for the moment they ve both got their auras turned off.

The Regent looked at me. Does that mean anything to you?

Not a thing, I said. And I know better than to ask.

Oh, good, said the Regent. It s not just me, then. He looked at Molly. The last I heard, which I ll admit is some time back, because it s never easy keeping up with any of the infamous Metcalf sisters Isabella was busy investigating an ancient set of stone catacombs deep underneath the Sahara Desert, while Louisa had brought something interesting back from her investigation of the Martian Tombs.

Really? I said.

As far as we can tell, yes, said the Regent.

If you ever find out how she got there and back, please tell me. We d really love to know. It seems she took whatever it was she found down to the Black Heir Headquarters, down in Cornwall. They specialise in the study of things left behind after alien contact: bodies, tech, altered people the usual. Louisa wanted her big find studied by the big man himself, Professor Nightshade. A very impressive mind, by all accounts. Haven t heard anything about Louisa since. I can put in a request for information direct from Uncanny to Black Heir, but they ve never been big on sharing. If Louisa brought them something important or valuable enough, they d never even admit they d seen her. She could be sitting right there in their office when the call came in, and they d still deny they d even heard of her.

And Louisa would just go along, said Molly, nodding grimly. She d think it was funny.

The Regent looked at her thoughtfully. To be honest, my dear, if your sisters don t want you to know where they are, there s probably a good reason for it. Good for them, anyway.

Are you getting worried about them? I said to Molly.

Just a bit, she said, frowning. This isn t like them. We never avoid each other just because we re doing something we think the others wouldn t approve of. Hell, usually we d insist on bragging about it, just to make it clear we won t be told what to do.

Do you want to take off on your own? I said quietly. Go look for them, make sure they re okay? I don t mind.

No, Molly said immediately. That s sweet of you, Eddie, but I won t leave you. Not when you ve so many enemies around you. You need someone close you can depend on.

She didn t look at the Regent when she said that, but I knew what she meant. Molly has never trusted anyone in the family except me. And maybe Uncle Jack. I looked at the Regent, who was politely pretending he hadn t understood anything he d just heard.

How long do you think Crow Lee has been planning these attacks against the Droods? I said.

He s always been one for taking the long view, the Regent said judiciously. Miss Mitchell being a very good example. How long did he invest in turning her, just for the one day when she might be useful? God alone knows how long he s waited for the whole Drood family to be vulnerable.

So it is possible that he could have made contact with the Original Traitor, I said. Who could have sold the family out for any number of reasons that made sense only to him Uncle Jack told me it was the Matriarch before Martha, Sarah, who gave the order to let the Loathly Ones into our reality, to support the Allies in World War Two. Thus setting things up for the Hungry Gods invasion farther down the line And that she only did that because she was strongly advised to. By someone close to her

Sarah was responsible for a lot of bad decisions in her time as Matriarch, said the Regent. And it was her dying so suddenly and unexpectedly that made my Martha the Matriarch at such an unusually young age.

Molly leaned forward, suddenly fascinated. How, exactly, did Sarah die? You said an accident, earlier. What kind of accident?

She fell down some stairs, said the Regent. And then he stopped abruptly and we all looked at one another. The Regent looked genuinely upset. There was no one around. She just fell. She was found dead at the foot of a flight of stairs. Broke her neck. Even Drood armour can t protect you from accidents if they re sudden enough. As far as I know, it never occurred to anyone to check if her death was anything other than an unfortunate accident. But now I have to wonder

If her neck was broken before she fell, I said.

How far does all this go back?

It s getting so you can t trust anyone, said Molly.

The Original Traitor is supposed to have killed other Droods and taken over their identities, in the Past, I said.

Like an Immortal? the Regent said immediately.

Except that this is one Drood being replaced by another, I said. I have to ask, Grandfather: Did you have any Shadow or Uncanny agents inside the Hall just before it disappeared? People inside the family who reported to you?

No, said the Regent.

But then, you would say that. Wouldn t you? said Molly.

You ve already admitted you had contact with Uncle James and Uncle Jack, I said. So you could keep an eye on me.

The Regent grinned at me, entirely unabashed. Good to see you re paying attention, Eddie. There are certain high-up individuals within the family, who are still willing to talk to me. But only from a distance, and only on personal matters. No one in the family would share family secrets with a rogue Drood. No matter who I used to be.

Can you assist us against Crow Lee? I said bluntly.

Not officially, said the Regent. Uncanny can t be seen to move openly against such a man of substance. Not while he s still connected to so many important people in the government. And especially not when there s a Funding Review in the wind.

That s what happens when you get in bed with the Establishment, Molly said sweetly. Someone always gets screwed.

You have to give some to get some, the Regent said vaguely. Can t afford to rock the boat just at the moment. But I m certainly not going to get in your way. And I can tell you where to find him. He s currently taking his ease just down the road at his Very Private, Very Members Only club. The Establishment Club. He also has a country manor house down in Surrey. I can provide you with a map. And directions. And full details on all the hidden traps and pitfalls surrounding his extensive private grounds. Once you re inside, I m afraid you re on your own. I ve been trying to get one of my agents inside for years without success. I can t be seen to assist you publicly, Eddie, but I can cheer you on from the sidelines.

He s just down the road? said Molly.

The Most Evil Man in the World is just hanging out at his club?

Do you by any chance have an armoury here? I asked the Regent.

He grinned broadly. Funny you should ask

The Armoury of the Department of the Uncanny turned out to be the complete opposite of what I was used to at Drood Hall. It was small, tidy, compact, with a place for everything and everything in its place. It was more of a storeroom and repository than a research lab. There were all kinds of weapons stacked on shelves, including a few things even I didn t recognise, and I ve been around. Just a couple of basic workstations, complete with state-of-the-art computers and assorted scattered technology presided over by Uncanny s very own Armourer. No lab rats, no assistants; just one man and his tech in charge of providing Uncanny s agents with everything they needed to make a proper nuisance of themselves, as the Regent liked to put it.

This is Patrick, he said. Best weapons master Uncanny s ever had.

Patrick smiled briefly. You re only saying that because it s true. Would this be a good time to mention the raise in budget I was promised?

You can mention it, the Regent said generously.

Patrick was a calm, middle-aged man. Completely bald, but boasting a bushy salt-and-pepper beard. He had sleepy eyes and an easy smile, but there was still a definite presence to the man when he stepped forward to greet Molly and me. The Regent said Patrick had been one of his Special Agents once, and I had no trouble believing that. There was something about Patrick, for all his ease and calm, that suggested he could still be very dangerous if the need should arise. He wore a basic lab coat that reminded me immediately of Uncle Jack, probably because some things are just constants, wherever you go. Though Patrick was wearing a heavy pullover under his coat, complete with high roll-neck collar. No accounting for taste.

Are you on your own down here? said Molly, looking around her with larcenous interest. I made a point of standing right next to her, to make sure no unauthorised weapons went walkabout under her sticky fingers.

Uncanny is still basically an information-gathering organisation, said the Regent. We watch and listen and make many notes. Correlation is our life. Weapons are what we use only when everything s gone wrong in a hurry. We prefer to err on the sneaky side whenever possible. Right, Patrick?

If you say so, your bossness, said Patrick.

But when things do go pear shaped, I am here to ensure that our people are in a position to Do Unto Others in a sudden and violent way, before the others can do unto them. Don t touch that!

Molly snatched her hand back from an innocent-looking crystal thing, and tried to look innocent. The Regent looked reproachfully at Patrick.

You promised me you d got the bugs out of that. We re still cleaning up the mess from last time.

I have! said Patrick. But then, there s bugs and then there s bugs. He smiled easily at Molly and pushed the crystal thing well out of her reach. Not much money in the budget for research these days. But I do like to potter around, see if I can improvise something useful and horribly destructive out of the various interesting things our agents pick up in the field and bring back with them. I swear, if it weren t for their basic light-fingeredness, we d have nothing but empty shelves on these walls.

We don t have anything like the Droods budget, the Regent agreed. We have to scrimp and save and make do.

And steal anything that isn t actually nailed down, said Patrick.

You d fit right in here, Molly, I said solemnly.

One more word and I ll smooth out your balls with Botox while you sleep, said Molly.

Patrick smiled. The Regent looked pained.

I m sorry, I said to Patrick. We really should have introduced ourselves. I m Eddie Drood, and this

Oh, I know who you are, said Patrick. Both of you.

You do? said Molly.

Of course, said Patrick, his dark eyes twinkling cheerfully. Everyone in our line of work knows all about the redoubtable Eddie Drood and the infamous Molly Metcalf. Your exploits are already the stuff of legend.

Molly looked at me. How is it you get to be redoubtable, but I m always infamous?

Sounds right to me, I said.

These two incredibly brave young people are about to go up against Unholy Crow Lee, said the Regent. What can you offer them, Patrick, to make the job a little less suicidal? In an unofficial, off-the-books and totally deniable way, of course.

Crow Lee? Really? said Patrick. His smiled broadly, and just like that he seemed as dangerous as I d suspected he could be. It felt like being trapped in an enclosed space with a huge grizzly bear who d just woken up from hibernation with fresh meat very much on his mind. Patrick turned away abruptly and moved purposefully along his shelves, pickings things up and putting them down again. Well No point in trying a heads-on attack. Not with the size of the private army he s gathered about himself. No You need to go the sneaky route, come at him in unexpected ways. Lateral thinking and all that. Personally, I d recommend giving up on the whole idea and taking a nice vacation somewhere really far away. You can t get more lateral than that. But you wouldn t do that, redoubtable and infamous as you are. Don t touch that!

I took my hand carefully away from a crystal thing sitting on a pile of papers. Sorry, I said. I thought it was a paperweight.

It s designed to look like a paperweight, Patrick said darkly. Here try this. It s a skeleton key made from real human bone. And, no, you don t get to ask whose. This useful little item can open any lock, mechanical, magical or electronic.

The Drood Armourer gave me one of these once, I said, accepting the yellowed bone thing gingerly.

I know! said Patrick. Who do you think I stole the idea from? Now, this is a hearing aid. Just stick this little beauty in your ear, and you ll be able to listen in on any conversation from any distance. Even in other rooms and in other languages! I m still working on the immediate-translation tech, but if it doesn t kick in, you can always read the subtitles.

He turned to Molly and offered her a pair of spangly glitterball earrings. She hefted the ugly items on her palm and looked dubiously at Patrick.

What do I do with these?

You throw them, said Patrick. And they go Boom! And all the people who were bothering you suddenly aren t.

Groovy! said Molly. She whipped off the silver Celtic rose things she d been wearing, stuffed them into a pocket, and clipped on the new earrings. I looked severely at Patrick.

Tell me those things have a safety catch.

Of course! said Patrick. They re perfectly harmless until you say the magic Word. He leaned over and whispered the Word in Molly s ear, and she actually giggled and pushed him away. He looked pleased with himself. I d throw them pretty damn far, though, if I were you. And I wouldn t play with them, either. Just in case.

Molly looked at the expression on my face and patted me fondly on one cheek. Will you relax, Eddie? I m wearing the Twilight Teardrop, remember? Guaranteed personal protection, on levels even Kayleigh s Eye has never heard of! You could set off a thermo nuke right in front of me, and I wouldn t even be bothered by the bright light.

That s the Twilight Teardrop? said the Regent, leaning forward to inspect the ruby stone pendant with new interest. One look into its bloodred depths was enough, and he immediately retreated to a safe distance. Such a small thing, he said, to be so powerful and so thoroughly cursed. I ve always said the best way to make use of that thing would be to make a gift of it to someone you really didn t like. And then leave the country until all the unpleasantness was over.

I looked at the bony key and the earplug in my hand. I could use something a little more dangerous, and preferably long-range.

You ve got your armour, said Molly.

That s dangerous enough for anyone. Though I could lend you my charm bracelet, if you like. If you re really feeling in need of something to throw.

I am not wearing that on my ankle, I said firmly.

I have my dignity to consider.

Molly then said something very coarse about my dignity, and Patrick, the Regent and I pretended not to have heard her.

Patrick distracted Molly with a small flat black-lacquered box with a big green button on the top. This, he said proudly, is a protein exploder. Does what it says on the box. It s alien tech. Or possibly tomorrow tech. One of our people brought it back from the Nightside. He bought it from a street trader. Fell off the back of a Timeslip No instruction manual, of course, which is why he got it so cheap. It s taken me almost a year to work out how to use it, and I still don t have a clue how it works. Just point it at your enemies, and wave good-bye to what s left of them.

Cool, said Molly, shaking the box in a far too casual manner. Everyone else in the room winced. Molly looked at Patrick. What does it do?

I told you! said Patrick. It explodes people s protein! Suddenly and violently and all over the place. Just don t point it in the general direction of anyone you like. It s not exactly pinpoint accurate.

Molly stuffed the box up her sleeve. Patrick looked at me thoughtfully.

Eddie

Yes?

I ve followed your exploits for years. First as a field agent here in London and then as head of the family, and then Well, all the other things you ve done. All the amazing things you ve achieved. And I always promised myself that if I ever got to meet you, there was a question I wanted to ask. Are you happy, Eddie?

I wasn t quite sure where that had come from, but I did my best to consider the question seriously. I m happy with Molly, I said finally.

Good, said Patrick. I m glad to hear that.

Me too, grandson, said the Regent.

You soft and soppy sentimental thing, you, said Molly, slipping her arm through mine.