Kajira of Gor

19 The Trunk

"Now we are alone, Lady Sheila," he said.

He had turned from the door, after locking it and depositing the key in his pouch.

I stood with my back against the wooden wall. I watched him put the pouch, on its strap, in a far corner of the room, with other articles. It was a small, bare, largely unfurnished room. It had a common wall with a small stable, beyond which was a small stable yard. His tharlarion was in the stable, and his wagon, outside, in the yard, chained. His goods, in various crates and trunks, had been brought into the small room. It was one of several such small dwellings, with attached stables and yards, in a line, habitations rented out to teamsters and itinerant merchants. It was on the southern outskirts of Venna.

I had scrubbed down the tharlarion, cleaning and washing its scales and claws. I had then, under his supervision, cleaned out its stable and brought in fresh greens for it to feed upon.

After this he had taken me to the public trough where under his instructions, washed. We had then returned to the small dwelling in the complex where I, over a small grill in the yard, cooking not allowed in the shacks, had cooked for him. He had thrown me one piece of meat. In front of some of the other shacks in the line, in the yards, I could see girls cooking for masters, too. They, of course, were clearly slaves.

After I had cleaned the grill and washed the paraphernalia connected with his meal we had come indoors. He had now locked the door.

I felt the roughness of the wall at my back.

He opened a chest and drew forth, from somewhere within it, apparently from Under several other objects, a brief gray tunic, and threw it to me. I caught it, eagerly. I had not had clothing since shortly after my capture in Corcyrus. Even so tiny and despicable a scrap of clothing as a mere slave tunic, I then realized, can be a precious treasure to a woman. He sat down on a box, watching me, his hands on his knees, across the room from me. Swiftly, elatedly, gratefully, I drew the tiny garment over my head. It was sleeveless, scandalously short and its neckline plunged to my belly, but I welcomed it as though it might have been the most splendid gown in the wardrobe of a Tatrix. "Now take it off," he said.

Slowly, numbly, I took the garment off, and dropped it to the side.

"Now kneel before me, Lady Sheila," he said.

I dropped to my knees before him.

"Open your knees," he said.

"I arn a free woman," I protested.

Then I saw his eyes, and opened my knees before him "Excellent, Lady Sheila," he said. "Now say, Lady Sheila, the Tatrix of Corcyrus, kneel naked, my knees open, before Speusippus of Turia.' "I, Lady Sheila, the Tatrix of Corcyrus," I said, "kneel naked, my knees open, before Speusippus of Turia."

"Excellent," he said. "Do you remember sentencing me, in Corcyrus?" "Yes, Master," I said.

"You seemed very proud then," he said. "You do not seem so proud now." "No, Master," I said.

"You are sorry for having sentenced me, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yes, Master," I said.

"And you wish to atone for it, don't you?" he asked.

"Yes, Master," I said.

"And I will see that you do so," he said.

"Yes, Master," I said.

"On your belly, Lady Sheila," he said. I lowered myself to my belly before him. "Do you wish to be taken to Argentum for impalement?" He asked.

I lifted my head to look at him, my eyes wild. "No," I cried. "No!" "We are going to get along very well, aren't we?" he asked.

"Yes, Master," I said.

"And we are going to get to know one another very -well, aren't we?" he asked. "Yes, Master," I sobbed.

"You may now beg to please me," he said.

"Whip me!" I begged him. "Enslave me! Give me no choice! Do not make me do this of, my own will!"

"Say," he said, "I, Sheila, Tatrix of Corcyrus, naked and on my belly, of my own free will, beg to please Spensippus of Turia.' "

"I, Sheila, Tatrix of Corcyrus," I said, "naked and on my belly, of my own free will, beg to please Spensippus of Turia."

"'And as a slave,'" he added.

"And as a slave," I sobbed.

I lay there on the floor, sobbing, and, to my horror, watched him unroll wretched, stinking sleeping furs.

He then removed his tunic and reclined on the furs, watching me, leaning on one elbow.

"I do not even know how to please a man," I said, "let alone with the sensuous intimacies of a slave."

"Have no fear," he said. "I know that you are an ignorant free woman." "Yes, Master," I said.

"But I shall expect you to show marked and rapid improvement in these matters," he said.

"Yes, Master," I said.

"If you do not," he said, "you will be punished."

"Yes, Master," I said.

"You do not want to be punished, do you?" he asked.

"No, Master," I said.

"You will endeavor, then, to make rapid progress in the arts of intimacy, won't you, Lady Sheila?" he asked.

"Yes, Master," I said.

He then beckoned that I should approach him.

"I am a virgin!" I cried.

"Excellent," he said. "Then, before the night is done you will be opened by Speusippus of Turia for the uses of men."

I then, on my belly, sobbing, began to crawl toward him.

"Stop," he said.

I stopped, puzzled. My body was still on the floor. I had not yet even come to the edge of those stinking furs.

"You are a free woman," he said, "and you have much to learn. We will begin with simple things."

"Master?" I asked.

"Lie at my feet," he said, "and lick, and kiss and suck at them. When you have managed to learn to do that properly, I will give you further instructions." "Yes," I wept.

"Yes, what?" he asked.

"Yes-Masterl" I sobbed.

"You did not do badly, Lady Sheila," he said. "If I did not know better, I would have thought that you had had some training. Perhaps it is natural in a woman. Get in." He held open the lid of the large trunk.

I crawled into the large, deep trunk, and lay down in it, on my side, with my legs drawn up.

"Did I please Master?" I asked.

"You speak like a slave," he sneered.

"Forgive me, Master," I said. Interesting enough, and I hardly understood this, and it seemed almost incredible, I did, clearly, want him to find me pleasing. "Are you hungry?" be asked.

"Yes, Master," I said. For my supper I had received only one piece of meat. It had been thrown to me, as though I might have been a dog.

He went somewhere in the room and returned with a piece of dried meat. He dropped it into the trunk, near my face. I seized it in my hands.

"Thank you, Master," I said.

He was looking down into the trunk. I looked up at him.

"If I had not been pleasing," I asked, "would you have given me this?" "No," be said.

I then realized that it was truly in the best interest of a female captive, or slave, to be pleasing. If she was not pleasing, and perhaps even quite pleasing, she might not be fed. By superb performances a girl might, I thought, encourage a master to believe that she was worth feeding, and, perhaps, even feeding well. "What are you going to do with me?" I asked.

"What I please," he said.

"Yes, Master," I said.

"In the morning we are going south," he said.

"Not to Ar!" I said.

"No," he said. "We will be turning west."

He looked down at me, huddled in the trunk. I bit a little at the meat.

I was ravenously hungry.

"Were you given permission to feed?" he asked.

"Forgive me, Master," I said. I hoped he would not take the food from me. "What do you know?" he said. "You are only a stupid free woman." "Yes, Master," I said.

"You may feed," he said.

"Thank you, Master," I said. I bit hungrily at the meat.

"You eat like a starving slave," He said.

"Forgive me, Master," I said. I then took smaller bites, bites perhaps somewhat more conformable to the dignity of a free woman, a lady and a Tatrix. Still, when one is naked and in a trunk, and half starved, it is difficult to eat with dignity. For most practical purposes, as he had treated me, even though technically I might be the Tatrix of Corcyrus, I was a half-starved slave. "I never thought to have the Tatrix of Corcyrus naked and in my trunk," he said. "Can I breathe in here, Master?" I asked.

"There are air holes," he said. "You are not the first woman who has been in this trunk. To be sure, this is the first time it has ever held a Tatrix." "There is a blanket in here," I said. "Thank you, Master."

"That is to keep the prettiness of its occupants from being bruised," he said. "The sweat and stink on it is from female slaves. It will serve for you as well, Lady Sheila. As it floored this trunk, serving as their kennel, so, too, it floors it now, when it serves as yours."

"As Master wishes," I said.

Do you remember in my trial," be asked, "the matter of he hair, how it was discovered that I might inadvertently have sold sonic slave hair as that of free women?"

"Yes, Master," I said.

"In the morning," he said, "I am going to obtain some hair from a free woman." "Master?" I asked.

"In the morning," be said, "you are going to be shorn."

"Master knows my secret," I said. "He has power over me. He may do with me what he wishes."

"And I shall," be said.

"Yes, Master," I said.

"Sleep tight in your kennel, Lady Sheila, lofty Tatrix of Corcyrus," he said. "It is where you are going to be spending quite a few nights."

I looked up at him.

"Pleasant dreams," said he, "Slut." Then he shut the heavy lid of the trunk. In another moment I heard the turning of keys in two heavy locks. Then he walked away.

With the trunk shut I could see the air holes. Some of them, tiny perforations, I could see through. I saw him extinguish the lamp. I then heard him lie down on the sleeping furs. I then lay back in the trunk, my legs pulled up. He bad called me "Slut." Was it my fault if I had responded well to his instructions, if I had done what I was toldl I wondered if I had done too well. Next time he would surely want at least that, and probably a good deal more. I smiled to myself. He had seemed surprised. I, too, had been surprised. My tongue, and lips and fingers, after a few Ehn, astounding me, had been ready and eager, and quick, subtle and delicate. I was grateful for his instruction, and I sought to improve upon iL Interestingly, I found that I was pleased to touch him. To be sure, I was crude and unrefined. I was uninformed in subtleties of technique and I had too simple a sense of pacings and rhythms, of when to make Iiiin, and me, wait, of when to be languorous, of when to be merciless. I was unaware, even, of the fuller possibilities of sound, of speaking to him, and of vocalizing my emotions and sensations in a variety of ways, adding a whole additional dimension to the totality of the experience. To be sure, some masters, at least at some times, desire to be served, in so far as the girl can, in absolute silence. "What has a slave to say?" they sometimes ask. Forced to perform, humiliatingly, under the ban of silence, enforcing as it does the male's total domination of her, can he very thrilling for a woman. Also, it helps her to keep clearly in mind that it is a mere animal who is serving.

Also, I was unaware, more seriously, of many of the aesthetic and psychological aspects of what could be done. I did not make the most of the visual dimension, for example. Too, more naively, in my almost exclusive concern with touching, a common error, incidentally, with new slaves, I neglected by expressions and attitudes, to acknowledge and confess the deeper realities of our relationship, that I was, in the final analysis, his obedient captive. I was probably insufficiently alert, too, to the deeper ranges of his desires, of what he wanted, fully, from a woman. The master is to be served, of course, by the total slave. On the other hand, within my limitations, and within the ranges within which I was operating, I seemed to have an almost instinctual sense for what I was doing. I seemed to have a natural sense of timing and a capacity to anticipate, on many occasions, probably from subtle body cues, what fie might desire, or what might please him. I discovered that I had talents I did not know I had, and I found myself thrilled to apply them. Though it was I, in the, final analysis, who was in his total power, yet I found, to my gratification and astonishment, that I could turn him into a twisting, writhing slave under my touch. Then, angrily, he would seize me and throw me beneath him, making me helpless. I was then well reminded who, ultimately, was in command. I lay in the trunk, my legs pulled up.

He had called me a "slut." I did not really mind this. Indeed, something in me relished it. I remembered how I had behaved in the furs. The expression was, perhaps, I thought, with a shudder, quite appropriate.

Certainly, he had not permitted me to relate to him, in the least, in the inhibitory modalities of dignity and respect; accordingly, I had found myself relating to him in a deep, real, primitive, sexual, natural, biological manner, in a manner certainly not that of a free woman, but rather of a slave or a slut. Doubtless this was supposed to be a part of his vengeance on me, but I, nonetheless, found it quite fulfilling. Something in me found it quite rewarding to relate to a man in this fashion. Too, I found it stimulating knowing that if I did not please him he might punish me.

I bit on the meat he had dropped into the trunk and I had grasped. I had not been punished. Rather, I had been rewarded.

I was pleased at how well I had done. I wondered if, as Publius, of the house of Kionicnes in Corcyrus, bad thought, I might be' a natural slave.

I had discovered, at least, that I was a slut. I did not know if, beyond that, I might also be a slave.

I chewed on the meat.

I was no longer a virgin now. My virginity bad been taken from me by Speusippus of Turia. When he had grown angry and would seize me and throw me beneath him, making me helpless, he would then, without further ado, imperiously, with little regard for my feelings, have me. Well then was I, held helpless and penetrated, reminded who held the final power. In these assaults on me, of which there had been three, I was firmly and fixedly had. On the other hand, in spite, of his clear conquest of me, and my physical and psychological acknowledgement of this fact, I did not feel as much as I had thought I might. Perhaps this was because he had taken too little time with my body. On the other band, I was excited and aroused, just from serving him. For example, my body had received him swiftly and obediently. Too, I responded emotionally and psychologically, in a rather global sense, to what he had done to me.

The last time, however, I had been frightened, for that time I had begun to sense, deep within me, terrifying me, something that began to hint at what might be the nature of a slave's yielding. I now lay in the trunk, in the darkness, helpless, finishing the piece of meat. No longer was I a virgin. I had now been opened, as the Goreans might say, for the uses of men. Speusippus of Turia had done it to me. I finished the meat. I was uneasy and restless in my small prison. I tried to thrust from my mind the memory of that insinuative, incipient sensation, that rudimentary physiological hint, that primitive, inchoate anticipation of what it might be possible for a woman to feel. I must never permit, I vowed, slave fires to be lit in my belly. I began to anticipate how inutterably piteous and helpless they might make a woman. I rubbed my thighs together. I did know I wanted to have more experiences of the sort I had had tonight. Speusippus of Turia was despicable. He was detestable. Why, then, I asked myself, was I hopeful that I had been pleasing to him, why did I find myself, undeniably, wanting to be pleasing to him? He was even going to shear me in the morning. I wondered why he was going to do that. Perhaps it had to do with his vengeance on me. Too, perhaps he was greedy, and was eager for even the little bit of money my hair might bring him. On the other hand, doubtless he did not want me to be recognized. Shearing would presumably help to prevent that. It might be a good idea to be sheared.

At any rate, the decision was his, not mine. He knew my secret. He knew who I was. He, therefore, could do with me as he pleased.

Similarly I, though a, free woman, because of this power he held over me, must serve him as a slave. I clenched my fists, angrily, in the trunk.

I was suddenly almost overcome with the humiliation of what was being done to me. I was "not a slave! I was a free woman! Yet I must serve him as a slave! How rich, how glorious, was his vengeance on the Tatrix of Corcyrus. In the morning, he would even shear her like a slut!

I suddenly cried out with rage and struck at the insides of the trunk.

Speusippus, awakened, came over to the trunk, and, frightening me, beat on its top with something heavy, perhaps a staff or club.

"Be silent in there," he said, "or I will pour two inches of water through the air holes."

"Yes, Master!" I cried. "Forgive me'. Master!" The sound of the object beating on the trunk had been fearfully magnified inside it. I had been almost overwhelmed by the sound. I had tried to cover my ears with my hands. My ears still hurt.

I now lay shuddering on the blanket in the bottom of the trunk. How absurd my outburst had been.

What a fool I was. Did I not know I was in his power? What did I need to convince myself of that, a marked thigh and a band of steel, which I could not remove, locked on my neck?

I lay there on the blanket. I lifted it, briefly, about my face and nose. I inhaled deeply. Yes, there was the smell of other bodies on it, bodies probably as small, and soft and curved as mine. But those bodies, I suspected, had worn brands and had bad their necks encircled with collars. Slaves, doubtless, had lain here. Now it was my turn, that of the Tatrix of Corcyrus. I smoothed out the blanket and paid close attention to its texture and the feel of it against my cheek and body. The sweat and odors which I might leave in this cloth, I thought, would probably not differ much from those of my predecessors. I might be free but here, in this confinement, it would do me no good. Here I, the Tatrix of Corcyrus, doubtless to the amusement of Speusippus, would squirm, and sweat and stink no differently from a slave. Indeed, from the point of view of a new occupant, any lingering traces of my sojourn here would doubtless be interpreted as indicating the earlier tenancy of merely another slave, no different from others.

I felt the blanket lightly with my finger tips.

It excited me, somehow, that I lay where slaves had lain. I touched my neck. I wondered what it would feel like to feel a collar there, and know that I belonged to someone.

I remembered serving Speusippus and then, quickly, I tried to force from my mind the memory of that incipient sensation which, in his third having of me, I had started to feel. I twisted in the trunk. I was restless. I moaned.

I was the Tatrix of Corcyrusl And yet I had been worked like a slave, and used like a slave, and had served as a slave!

I had been degraded and humiliated. I was a free woman. I was not a slave! I was not a slavel I remembered the sensation I had begun to feel. I moaned, from somewhere deep within me.

I touched the inside of the front side of the trunk with my finger tips. I had done this on a thought. Sure enough, as I had thought might be the case, I felt there the furrowing of fingernails. I then lay back in the trunk, on my back, my knees up. I had heard of such things. The marks did not seem to be connected with any desperate effort at escape.

They seemed more like the helpless scratchings of a woman in frustration. One or more women, I suspected, at one or more times in the past, had crouched inside this trunk scratching at its interior wall, perhaps whining to be released, [hat they might serve the pleasure of Speusippus of Turia. How horrifying to be so much at the mercy of men, I thought.

I then, in terror, tried to force the memory of that rudimentary sensation, that merest hint of a sensation, from my mind.

I am not a slave!" I told myself. "I am not a slavel"

I lay then again on my side on the blanket. I hoped that Speusippus was not displeased with me. I must try to please him better, I thought.