K-PAX

Session Eight

I was in a very bad mood when Wednesday afternoon came around, having spent the entire morning waiting to testify in a preliminary hearing, only to have the case resolved out of court. I was glad it was settled, but annoyed that half a day had been wasted, and I had missed lunch as well. Underlying all this, of course, was my concern about prot's whereabouts.

But he returned exactly in time for our next session. Still wearing his blue corduroys, he sauntered in as if nothing had happened. I shouted at him: "Where the hell have you been?"

"Newfoundland. Labrador. Greenland. Iceland."

"How did you get out of the hospital?"

"I just left."

"Without anyone seeing you?"

"That's right."

"How did you do that?"

"I told you-"

"With mirrors. Yes, I know." I also knew there was no sense in arguing the matter, and the tape at this point in the session is silent except for the distinct sound of my fingers tapping the arm of my chair. I finally said, "Next time tell me when you're going to leave."

"I did," he replied."And another thing: I don't think you should be telling the other patients you're going to take them back with you."

"I never said that to any of the patients."

"You didn't?"

"No. In fact I told them I can only take one person back with me."

"I don't think you should be making promises you can't keep."

"I have promised nothing." He bit into a huge strawberry from a bowlful brought in from her garden in Hoboken by Mrs. Trexler.

I was famished. My mouth was watering. This time I joined him. Chewing hungrily, we glared at each other for several minutes like prizefighters sizing up an opponent. "Tell me," I said. "If you can leave here any time you want, why do you stay?"

He swallowed a mouthful of berries, took a deep breath. "Well, it's as good a place as any to write my report, you feed me every day, and the fruit is wonderful. Besides," he added impishly, "I like you."

"Well enough to stay put for a while?"

"Until august seventeenth."

"Good. Now let's get started, shall we?"

"Certainly."

"All right. Can you draw a star map showing the night sky from anywhere in the galaxy? From Sirius, say?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I have never been there."

"But you can do so for all the places you've been?"

"Naturally."

"Will you do a few of those for me before the next session?"

"No problem."

"Good. Now-where have you really been the past few days?"

"I told you: newfoundland, labrador-"

"Uh-huh. And how are you feeling after your long journey?"

"Very well, thank you. And how have you been, narr?"

"Nam"

"Gene, on K-PAX, is 'nary'." It rhymed with "hair."

"I see. Is that from the French, meaning 'to confess'?"

"No, it is from the pax-o, meaning 'one who doubts.'"

"Oh. And what would 'prot' be in English-one who is cocksure?"

"Nope. 'Prot' is derived from an ancient K-PAXian word for 'sojourner.' Believe it or not by ripley."

"If I asked you to translate something from English to pax-o for me, something like Hamlet, for example, could you do it?"

"Of course. When would you like to have it?"

"Whenever you can get to it."

"Next week okay?"

"Fine. Now then. We've talked quite a bit about the sciences on K-PAX. Tell me about the arts on your planet."

"You mean painting and music? Stuff like that?"

"Painting, music, sculpture, dance, literature ..."

The usual smile broke out, and the fingers came together. "It is similar in some ways to the arts on EARTH.

But remember that we have had several billion years longer to develop them than you have. Our music is not based on anything as primitive as notes, nor any of our arts on subjective vision."

"Not based on notes? How else-"

"It is continuous."

"Can you give me an example?" With that he tore a sheet of paper from his little notebook and began to draw something on it.

While he did so I asked him why, with all his talents and capabilities, he needed to keep a written record of his observations. "Isn't it obvious?" he replied. "What if something happens to me before I get back to K-PAX?" He then showed me the following:

(GRAPHIC)

"This is one of my favorites. I learned it as a boy." As I tried to make sense out of the score, or whatever it was, he added, "You can see why I'm rather partial to your john cage."

"Can you hum a few bars of this thing?"

"You know I can't sing. Besides, it doesn't break down into 'tunes.' "

"May I keep this?"

"Consider it a souvenir of my visit."

"Thank you. Now. You said that your arts are not based on 'subjective vision.' What does that mean?"

"It means. we don't have what you call 'fiction.' "

"Why not?"

"What's the point?"

"Well, through fiction, one often gains an understanding of truth."

"Why beat around the bush? Why not go right for the truth in the first place?"

"Truth means different things to different people."

"Truth is truth. What you are talking about is make believe. Dream worlds. Tell me"-he bent over the notebook-"why do human beings have the peculiar impression that a belief is the same as the truth?"

"Because sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes we need to believe in a better truth."

"What better truth can there be than truth?"

"There may be more than one kind of truth."

Prot continued to scribble in his notebook. "There is only one truth. Truth is absolute. You can't escape it, no matter how far you run." He said this rather wistfully, it seemed to me.

"There's another factor, too," I countered. "Our beliefs are based on incomplete and conflicting experiences. We need help to sort things out. Maybe you can help us."

He looked up in surprise. "How?"

"Tell me more about your life on K-PAX."

"What else would you like to know?"

"Tell me about your friends and acquaintances there."

"All K-PAXians are my friends. Except there is no word for 'friend' in pax-o. Or 'enemy.' "

"Tell me about some of them. Whoever comes to mind."

"Well, there is brot, and mano, and swon, and fled, and-"

"Who is brot?"

"He lives in the woods RILLward of reldo. Mano is-"

"Reldo?"

"A village near the purple mountains."

"And brot lives there?"

"In the woods."

"Why?"

"Because orfs usually live in the woods."

"What's an orf?"

"Orfs are something between our species and trods. Trods are much like your chimpanzees, only bigger."

"You mean orfs are subhuman?"

"Another of your famous contradictions in terms. But if you mean is he a forebear, the answer is yes. You see, we did not destroy our immediate progenitors as you did on EARTH."

"And you consider the orfs to be your friends?"

"Of course."

"What do you call your own species, by the way?"

"Dremers."

"And how many progenitors are there between trods and dremers?"

"Seven."

"And they are all still in existence on K-PAX?"

"Mais oui!"

"What are they like?"

"They are beautiful."

"Do you have to take care of them in some way?"

"Only clean up after them, sometimes. Otherwise they take care of themselves, as all beings do."

"Do they speak? Can you understand them?"

"Certainly. All beings 'speak.' You just have to know their language."

"Okay. Go on."

"Mano is quiet. She spends most of her time studying our insects. Swon is soft and green. Fled is-"

"Green?"

"Of course. Swon is an em. Something like your tree frogs, only they are as big as dogs."

"You call frogs by name?"

"How else would you refer to them?"

"Are you telling me you have names for all the frogs on K-PAX?"

"Of course not. Only the ones I know."

"You know a lot of lower animals?"

"They are not 'lower.' Just different."

"How do these species compare with those we have on Earth?"

"You have more variety, but, on the other hand, we have no carnivores. And," he beamed, "no flies, no mosquitoes, no cockroaches."

"Sounds too good to be true."

"Oh, it's true all right, believe me."

"Let's get back to the people."

"There are no 'people' on K-PAX."

"I meant the beings of your own species. The-uhdremers."

"As you wish."

"Tell me more about your friend mano."

"I told you: She is fascinated by the behavior of the horns."

"Tell me more about her."

"She has soft brown hair and a smooth forehead and she likes to make things."

"Do you get along well with her?"

"Of course."

"Better than with other K-PAXians?"

"I get along well with everyone."

"Aren't there a few of your fellow dremers that you get along with-that you like-better than others?"

"I like all of them."

"Name a few."

That was a mistake. He named thirty-odd K-PAXians before I stopped him with: "Do you get along well with your father?"

"Really, gene, you've got to do something about that memory of yours. I can give you some tips if-"

"How about your mother?"

"Of course."

"Would you say you love her?"

"Love implies hate."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Love ... like ... it's all a matter of semantics."

"All right. Let me turn that around. Is there anyone you don't like? Is there anyone you actually dislike?"

"Everyone on K-PAX is just like me! Why would I hate anyone? Should I hate myself?"

"On Earth there are those who do hate themselves. Those who haven't lived up to their own standards or expectations. Those who have failed to achieve their goals. Those who have made disastrous mistakes. Those who have caused harm to someone and regretted it later on...."

"I told you before-no one on K-PAX would cause harm. to anyone else!"

"Not even unintentionally?"

"No!"

"Never?"

Yelling: "Are you deaf?"

"No. I hear you quite clearly. Please calm down. I'm sorry if I upset you." He nodded brusquely.

I knew I was onto something here, but I wasn't certain as to the best way to proceed. While he was composing himself we talked about some of the patients, including Maria and her protective alter egos he seemed quite interested in her condition. Who knows where inspiration comes from? Or is it merely a momentary clearing in the fog of stupidity? In any case I realized at that moment that I had been focusing, perhaps for reasons of self-interest, on his delusion. What I should have been attacking was the hysterical amnesia! "Prot?"

His fists slowly unclenched. "What?"

"Something has occurred to me."

"Bully for you, doctor brewer."

"I was wondering whether you'd be willing to undergo hypnosis at our next session?"

"What for?"

"Let's call it an experiment. Sometimes hypnosis can call up recollections and feelings that are too painful to recall otherwise."

"I remember everything I have ever done. There is no need."

"Will you do it as a personal favor to me?" He eyed me suspiciously. "Why do you hesitate-are you afraid to be hypnotized?"

It was a cheap trick, but it worked. "Of course not!"

"Next Wednesday all right?"

"Next wednesday is the fourth of july. Do you work on your american holidays?"

"God, is it July already? All right. We'll test your susceptibility to the procedure next Tuesday, and begin the week after that. Does that suit you?"

Suddenly calm: "Perfectly, my dear sir."

"You're not planning on leaving again, are you?"

"I'll say it one more time: not until 3:31 A.M. on the seventeenth of August."

And he returned to Ward Two, where he was welcomed back like the prodigal son.

THE next morning Giselle was waiting at my office door when I arrived at the hospital. She was wearing the same outfit as before, or perhaps one of its clones. She was all tiny-tooth smiles. "Why didn't you tell me about prot?" she demanded.

I had stayed up until two o'clock to finish some editorial work, had come in early to prepare a speech for a. Rotary Club luncheon, and was still distraught over prot's temporary disappearance. My office clock began to chime, further jangling my nerves and telling me what I didn't want to know. "What about him?" I snapped.

"I decided to make him the focus of the piece. With your permission, of course."

I dropped my bulging briefcase onto my desk. "Why prot?"

She literally fell into the brown leather chair and curled into the already familiar ball. I wondered whether this was premeditated or whether she was unaware of the charming effect it had on middle aged men, especially those suffering from Brown's syndrome. I began to understand why she was such a successful reporter. "Because he fascinates me," she said.

"Did you know that he is my patient?"

"Betty told me. That's why I'm here. To see if you would let me look at his records." Her eyelids were fluttering like the wings. of some exotic butterfly.

I busied myself with transferring the contents of my case to some logical place on the already overcrowded desk. "Prot is a special patient," I told her. "He requires very delicate treatment."

"I'll be careful. I wouldn't do anything that would jeopardize my own story. Or divulge any confidences," she added in a playful whisper. Then: "I know you're planning to write a book about him."

"Who told you that?" I practically shouted. "Why, he-prot-told me."

"Prot? Who told him?"

"I don't know. But I want to assure you that my piece won't affect your book in any way. If anything, it should drum up some business for it. And I'll show it to you before I submit it for publication-how's that?" I stared at her for a moment, trying to think of some way out of this unwanted complication. She must have sensed my doubt. "I'll tell you what," she said. "If I can identify him for you, I get my story. Fair enough?" She had me and she knew it. "Plus any expenses I might incur," she added immediately.

OVER the weekend I reviewed the transcripts of all eight sessions with prot. Everything pointed to at least one violent episode in his past which precipitated his hysterical "escape" from the real world, which he deeply hated, to a nonexistent, idyllic place where there are no human interactions to cause all the problems, large and small, that the rest of us have to live with every day. Nor the joys that make it all worthwhile....

I decided to ask prot to spend the Fourth of July at my home in order to see if a more or less normal family environment would bring anything out of him I hadn't seen before. I had done this with a few other patients, sometimes with beneficial results. My wife was in favor of the idea, even though I mentioned to her that prot may have been involved in some sort of violent affair, and there was a possibility that "Don't be silly," she interrupted. "Bring him along." How these things happen I haven't a clue, but by Monday morning everyone in Wards One and Two knew that prot was coming to the house for a barbecue. Almost every patient I ran into that day, including three of Maria's alters, who kept fastening buttons unfastened by other personalities, and vice versa, complained, good-naturedly, "You never invited me to your house, Dr. Brewer!" To every one of them I said, "You get well and get out of here, and I'll do exactly that." To which most of them replied, "I won't be here, Dr. Brewer. Prot is taking me with him!"

All but Russell, who had no intention of going to KPAX: His place was on Earth. Indeed, with everyone in Wards One and Two enjoying a picnic on the hospital lawn, except for Bess, who stayed inside out of an imaginary rainstorm, Russ spent all of the Fourth in the catatonic ward, preaching the gospels. Unfortunately, none of those pathetic creatures jumped up and followed him out.

That same Monday morning Giselle was waiting for me again in her usual outfit, same piney bouquet. I asked her as politely as possible to please call Mrs. Trexler for an appointment whenever she wanted to see me. I started to tell her that I had patients to see, a lot of administrative work, papers to referee, letters to dictate and so on, but I had barely begun when she said, "I think I know how to track down your guy."

I said, "Come in."

Her idea was this: She wanted to have a linguist she knew listen to one of the interview tapes. This was one of those people who can pinpoint the area of the country where a person was born and/or grew up, sometimes with uncanny accuracy. It is not based on dialect so much as phrasing-whether you say "water fountain" or "bubbler," for example. It was a good suggestion, but impossible, of course, owing to patient/client privilege. She was ready for this. "Then can I tape a conversation with him myself?" I saw no compelling reason she should not, and told her I would ask Betty to arrange a time convenient for her and prot. "Never mind." She grinned slyly. "I've already done it." And she literally skipped away like a schoolgirl to get in touch with her expert. Her piney aura, however, stayed with me for the rest of the day.