Inbetween

Chapter 26

Emma

“Don’t you dare die, Em.” Cash’s voice sounded like he’d been wrapped in cotton. “I mean it. I’ll follow you to the grave and kick your ghostly ass if you don’t stay with me.”

My eyes rolled around behind my eyelids. I couldn’t open them. Couldn’t make my lips move to tell him not to worry.

“Sir, we’re going to need you to back up,” a woman’s voice said. I felt pressure against my neck. So much pressure. A prick in my wrist. A plastic mask around my mouth. Then warm, familiar fingers laced through mine. Cash.

“He really cares about you,” a girl said.

I blinked, confused by the fact that I was suddenly sitting on a bench next to the drive-in concession stands with a girl I didn’t know. In front of us, the back of the ambulance was a flurry of action. I had never seen a pair of hands move so fast as the paramedic worked at bandaging my neck. Cash rocked back and forth, staring at our linked fingers. My body looked pale and empty on the gurney.

“I’m dead,” I breathed. I looked up and had to blink away the golden spot that bloomed across my vision before the girl came into focus.

She smoothed her white dress over her legs. “You’re not dead.”

“Then what is this?”

She cocked her head to the side, inspecting me with golden eyes. I watched her thumb rub the pearl handle at her side. “You’re close,” she said. “But I think you’re going to be fine.”

“Th-then why are you here? What do you want?” The back of the ambulance started to spin. I gripped the sides of my head and stared at my lifeless body.

“We’re losing her!” Monitors started to wail. A choked sound seeped from Cash’s throat.

“Okay, I don’t have much time,” the girl said. “Come here.”

I jerked away from her touch. “Why?”

She sighed. “Because I’ve been given permission to show you something that I think you need to see. The only reason I can show you now is because you’re straddling the line. After they finish with you”—she nodded to the paramedic—“I lose my chance.”

Hesitantly, I nodded.

“Trust me. You’ll thank me later.” She smiled and raised her palm to my forehead, pausing just before making contact. “Oh, and Emma?”

“Yeah?”

“Tell Finn he owes me.”

She pressed her palm to my forehead, and I was engulfed in light.

…

The shock of cold was too much. It burned through me until it was something else altogether. Cold like this wasn’t just a temperature. It was pain. Throbbing. Cutting. Consuming. I tried to gasp for air, but nothing came in. Nothing got out. Ice laced with the blood in my veins. My legs felt like slabs of concrete.

A hand touched my cheek. Peace flooded through those fingertips like warm honey. Numbing me.

Calling my name.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” a rough voice said. The hand was jerked away. I felt lost without it. Cold. “You don’t touch them. Ever.”

“I wasn’t—”

“I don’t know what’s going on with you today. Just do your job. Got it?”

The voices stopped and the snow crunched beside my face. The warmth moved away. And then… pain. Darkness. Everywhere. I screamed inside my head but I couldn’t feel the sound on my lips.

Couldn’t find the light with my eyes. Something sharp sliced through me. Splintered me in two. And then I was weightless. Blissfully numb.

I opened my eyes and blinked at the shadow of a boy who stood in front of me. His green eyes swept over me thoughtfully, like he was waiting for me to break. Or at least realize what was happening. I glanced behind me at the body lying in the snow. Her lips were blue. A red halo of blood stained the snow around her blond head of hair.

She was me.

“I-I’m dead.” I stumbled back, feeling afraid and hopeless, but two hands caught my shoulders.

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered. “I’m going to take you somewhere now. Somewhere safe.

Away from this.”

I turned around in his arms and nodded against his chest. This was what was supposed to happen when you died. Just like Mama said. I shouldn’t be afraid anymore. The nothingness was something to be afraid of. Not this. I looked around, waiting for my tunnel of bright white light. The one they talked about in church. “W-where’s the light?”

The boy cleared his throat and put a little distance between us. “Actually, you’re going somewhere else.”

“Where am I going?”

“The Inbetween.”

I gaped. “The what?”

The boy grimaced and stared up at the dull, dimming sky. “The Inbetween. It’s a sorting ground for souls. This is where you go until they see you’re fit for another chance.”

“Another chance? Like reincarnation?”

“Among other options, yes. When and if they think it’s right, you’ll get the chance to go somewhere else.”

I looked out at the blue Chevy half-submerged in the icy river, then down to the lifeless body of Zach Murray. I was supposed to ride home with my sister, but I made her cover for me so I could ride with Zach. I didn’t know he’d been drinking till we were on the road.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” the boy said. “Not of me. Not of this place.”

I nodded again and placed my hand in his. His touch felt cool now. Comforting. He pulled us forward until the world blurred around me, turning everything gray and dull. I blinked when I saw the gates. They loomed before us like pewter-colored shadows, surrounded by mist. I squeezed the boy’s hand, needing that contact more than anything in that moment. To my surprise, he squeezed back.

“Don’t you want to know my name?” I asked.

He stopped when we reached the gates and gave a two-finger wave to a man in a gray robe. He slid me a sideways glance that looked perplexed. “Do you want me to know your name?”

“I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t.”

He grinned and looked down at his shoes. “Well, now I think you better tell me, or I’ll have to nickname you Smart Ass.”

I smiled. “It’s Allison.”

He nodded and greeted the man unlocking the gates. The big silver bars eased open and we slipped inside.

“Aren’t you going to tell me yours?” I asked.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I don’t know anyone else here.”

The boy looked at me, sadness creasing the corners of his eyes. “Trust me, Allison. After today, you won’t want to know me.”

I folded my arms across my chest. “Are you going to tell me your name or not?”

He waited for the guard to back away and finally said, “Finn. My name’s Finn.”

I slipped my hand into Finn’s and forced him to shake on it. Daddy always said it was polite to shake someone’s hand when they gave you their name. Finn stared at our entwined fingers, brows drawn together like he didn’t know what to think. Our flesh glimmered and glowed. It took my breath away.

“You’re an angel, aren’t you?” I marveled.

Finn pulled his hand out of mine and shook his head. “Not even close.”

He nodded to the guard who was watching us warily and backed out of the gates. I wrapped my fingers around the bars after they closed. “Are you coming back?”

He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck and looked around like someone might be listening.

“I’m here every day. It’s my job.”

My chest fluttered where my heart used to be. “So, if I wait here tomorrow, I’ll see you again?”

Finn wrapped his fingers around the bars above mine. “Why would you want to see me again after I brought you here?”

“I could use a friend up here,” I whispered, though really, I didn’t know why I needed to see him again. Something inside me just…knew. And the emptiness in those haunting green eyes said that he needed it, too.

Finn rested his forehead against the bars. “I’m not supposed to. It’s against the rules for me to even be talking to you like this.”

I opened my mouth, not entirely sure what was about to come out, when a voice parted the shadows.

Finn stepped away from the gate. From me. He raked his fingers through his hair and nodded at a pretty girl in a white dress who looked like she was waiting for him. Of course there was someone else.

I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it. The fluttering feeling sank, and I slipped back from the gate and into the mist. Into death. “Good-bye, Finn.”

“Hey, wait.” He clutched the blade at his hip and glanced around, then let his eyes fall on me. “I…

I’ll see you tomorrow. If you still want to after today. All right?”

I nodded, feeling something I thought I’d left behind with my flesh. Hope.

…

My eyes opened and I gasped, choking for air, clawing at my mask. The bed I was on rolled through a doorway. There were so many doctors talking that their voices blurred into one. Anaya leaned over me, perched on the side of my bed. The fluorescent hospital lights seemed dim compared with her.

She clasped her glowing palm over my forehead.

“Just a little more, Emma.” She smiled and ran her thumb over my cheek. “Just remember a little more.”

I didn’t have a choice. My eyes followed her orders and closed against the light.

…

Finn’s breath was warm on my neck. His chest firm against my back. His lips brushed the once-tender spot just behind my jaw.

“Finn,” I breathed. My insides buzzed with fear and desire. “Someone will see.”

His arms looped around my waist and his lips touched my hair. “It doesn’t matter. Not now.”

It did matter. This might be the end for me, but it wasn’t for Finn. He couldn’t risk that. I couldn’t let him.

“They’ll banish you.” Warily, I watched the souls fill the meeting square. This was it. This was my last chance. No amount of Finn’s kisses was going to make that any different.

“I’m not trying to get banished,” he said. “I’m trying to get a kiss.”

“You know we can’t do that out here in the open. If Balthazar sees—” I yelped when Finn yanked me into the shadow of a hemlock and pressed me into an invisible wall. I gasped when he kissed me.

“Now they can’t see,” he said softly, and kissed me again.

“You’re just trying to distract me.”

“Is it working?”

I realized that this might be the last time I kissed him. If I was chosen to go back, Finn couldn’t follow. If I was tossed to the Shadow Land, I wouldn’t want him to. No matter what the outcome was today, it meant saying good-bye to Finn. A desperate feeling gripped my chest and I clutched him closer, but I couldn’t get close enough. Finn must have felt the same way because he crushed his mouth against mine.

I lost myself in the moment. Lips tangling, our breaths mixing and melting on my tongue. His kisses felt so good, his lips so gloriously solid against mine, it took my breath away.

The trumpets sounded, and he pulled away slowly. His green eyes were vibrant against the shadow of his face, reminding me of the day we’d met. The day he’d collected me. “Come on, they’re starting.”

Finn took my hand and pulled me into the hazy gray twilight that always hung over this place. He stopped just shy of the crowd, leaving us cloaked by souls. Reapers created a wall on each side of the lectern, standing firm against the group of desperate souls pressing forward. They looked fierce and ready for the danger the souls not chosen for reincarnation or Heaven might pose. A ring of guardians formed a protective circle around the porthole glowing behind them.

Finn should have been up there with the reapers, fighting for order. Instead, he was with me.

“Shouldn’t you be up there?”

Finn shook his head, watching a guardian knock a soul back from the porthole. “No. I’m exactly where I need to be.”

I stood on my tiptoes and found Maeve. She smiled and gave me a little wave. I didn’t know how to be that confident. This was my last year. For souls like me—souls that had done something irreparably wrong, whether they knew what it was or not—there were only ten years before the decay set in. For the madness to take over. For the transition to a shadow to begin. I turned my hands over to expose the black spiderweb of veins crawling up my arm. I didn’t have to look to know my neck looked the same, or that the darkness had eaten away nearly all of the blue in my eyes.

Finn pulled my hand away and turned it back over to make me stop looking.

“I need all remaining reapers and guardians to the front please!” Balthazar shouted.

Finn looked torn, not wanting to let go of my hand.

“Just go,” I whispered. When I looked up, fear swallowed me. Balthazar’s careful eyes were watching us. He met Balthazar’s gaze. After a long moment, Balthazar nodded. Finn held my hand tighter and pulled me forward.

I yanked against his grip. “Stop. You’ll get in trouble.”

“That doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

“Attention!” Balthazar’s voice thundered across the crowd, leaving a wave of silence in its wake.

“The decision has been made!”

There were thousands of souls here, their energy pulsing, pulling, pressing in on me like a rip current. I knew the odds weren’t good, but I forced myself to imagine my name rolling off his tongue.

Finn gripped my hand. I could feel him shaking.

“Anderson Mills,” Balthazar announced, “Faye Dunn, Tommy Gilford, Samantha Monroe. Can you all approach the porthole?”

I closed my eyes. He’d only say a few more names.

“Ryan Butler and…” He crinkled the thin paper in his hand and squinted at it. “Jonah Bates.”

Finn wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close. I buried my face into his shoulder. I couldn’t look. He pressed his lips into my hair.

“Shh,” he whispered. “They’ll say your name. They will. You’re going back today, I promise.”

“All right, just one more,” Balthazar said. “As for the rest of you, better luck next year.”

There was no next year for me. Next year I’d be in the Shadow Land, a hungry, empty thing with no memory of who or what I once was. No memory of Finn and his kisses. I held my breath and tried to count to ten. I only made it to three.

“Maeve McCredie. Today, the seven of you will be born again.”

My heart sank, but the silence of Balthazar’s announcement erupted into chaos as the crowd pushed Maeve to the front. I tried to smile, but I could feel it mangle into something that felt more like a kick in the gut than a congratulations for Maeve. Maeve had only been here two years and had been nothing but rude to the few souls who’d attempted to befriend her. Worse, she still had time. I didn’t.

Maeve breezed past me and winked. “Hey, Emma. You’re looking a little…dark. It’s amazing your reaper boy can stand being that close to you with how deathly you smell.”

I blinked away the hurt and the shock as I watched her weave through the crowd. Some were bright-eyed as they pressed forward, anxious to get a glimpse of what might be their future. Others looked dark and hopeless, trying to get a glimpse of what they’d never have. Finn squeezed my hand and a dark sound rumbled in the back of his throat.

“Finn!” Balthazar moved through the crowd, but Finn wouldn’t let go of my hand. “I need you closer.”

Finn looked back at me, jaw clenched in frustration. “Can I stay with her? She’s close to transition.”

Balthazar looked me over and pursed his lips. “Bring her with you.”

“Come on.” He grabbed my hand and pushed through the souls until we were huddled against the portal, watching the chosen souls fall into the light to be reborn. The portal was beyond beautiful, with blinding streaks of color permeating its golden glow. We were so close, I could feel its warmth. If I reached out, I’d be able to touch it.

“One step through that light and you’re reborn,” Balthazar said to the sixth soul in line, a younger boy who’d been in the Inbetween for barely over a year. “Don’t be shy, son.”

For a fleeting second, I imagined myself grabbing Finn and leaping into the light together, but quickly pushed the thought aside when a guardian pinned me with a dark look, as if he could read my thoughts. I ignored him and turned my attention to the only soul left in line. Maeve. Her red hair spilled around her shoulders, and her hazel eyes glittered with excitement.

Finn dragged me even closer, and Balthazar’s brows pulled together when he noticed. I thought for sure he’d pull Finn away from me in that moment, but he turned his attention to the guardian watching me.

“Joseph,” he called over the crowd, motioning for the guardian to follow him with two fingers. He slid one last careful glance my way, then turned back to the crowd.

Finn held me close. “Ally,” he started, then shook his head. “I love you. And I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you that. I’m so sorry I waited until now.” He held my face between his palms, stealing the words from my mouth. “Remember that. No matter what happens, hold onto it, because I will see you again. Promise me you’ll remember.”

“You’re scaring me.”

“Promise me!” he demanded.

“I promise.”

His lips brushed my ear. His voice lingered there, making my chest ache with want and what could have been. “Please forgive me for this, pretty girl.”

Without warning, he grabbed my shoulders and shoved me forward. I gasped and stumbled into the light. Behind me, Maeve screamed.

“Finn!” I cried against the wind. “Finn, wait!”

But no one answered. I soared through cerulean blue skies, puffs of billowing clouds whispering through my hair. I was free at last, my reaching arms turning to wings as I spiraled through the shimmering facets of color.

And within seconds of dissolving into the precious warmth around me, I couldn’t remember who I was reaching for.