Hounded

Chapter 19

Gods Below, I hate witches.

Since one of them was probably listening to me through Granuaile’s ears, however, I thought it more discreet to keep that observation to myself. But doubt would be permissible to express where outright disdain would not. I gave her my best Harrison Ford half grin o’ cynicism, worn by every character from Deckard to Han Solo to Indiana Jones, and picked up my glass. “A nice lady, huh?”

“Very nice.” Granuaile nodded slowly, ignoring my look of disbelief.

I took a luxurious sip from the glass and waited for her to continue, but apparently the ball was in my court. If doing things her way meant I had to ask more questions, so be it. “And how long has this nice lady had a timeshare in your noggin?”

“Since shortly after you came back from that trip to Mendocino.”

“What?” Even though I had just taken a sip of fire water, I suddenly felt cold.

“You remember. You turned into a sea otter and removed a pretty golden necklace set with rubies from the hand of a skeleton that was—what?—only fifty feet below the surface and a couple of feet beneath the sand?”

Chills and thrills at the Irish pub. “How do you know about that?”

“How do you think? Laksha told me.”

“Right, but how does she know?”

“She was originally the owner of that skeleton, but that particular mortal coil failed her in 1850. Since then, and up until recently, she resided in the largest ruby of that necklace.”

I decided to save all my questions about turning rubies into soul catchers for later. “Then what happened?”

“Well, you can probably figure it out from there. Once you got the necklace, what did you do with it?”

“I gave it to a witch named Radomila—”

“Who is not as friendly as she likes to pretend and happens to live upstairs from me in a very stylish urban condo—”

“And she promptly exorcised Laksha from the necklace—”

“And that’s how I got a roommate in my skull!” Granuaile pushed back from the bar and clapped manically for me as if I had just finished playing Rhapsody in Blue in a third-grade talent show.

“Well, okay, I understand now, but I think we skipped a few of the details.” I downed the rest of my whiskey, and when I put the glass down, Granuaile was there with the bottle, ready to refill it.

“You’re going to need a double,” she said, pouring more than was probably advisable. “Nurse that for a bit while I get some work done.” Then she slid out of my vision to attend to her few remaining customers.

I had plenty of thoughts to nurse along with the whiskey. Indian witches, in my limited experience, were capable of some really dark hoodoo, and any witch capable of jumping out of one body into a gemstone and then into another body after 160 years or so had some serious magical muscle. My main question was how I could get the witch out of Granuaile’s head safely—and who else would have to suffer to make it happen.

The witch obviously wanted my help with something, and I could only assume that she wanted a new body to inhabit. But I didn’t have any of those currently in stock, and bodies were one of the few things you couldn’t buy (yet) on Amazon.

Whatever this Indian witch wanted from me, I knew it would mean quite a bit of trouble, and it didn’t escape me that I owed the lot of it to Radomila, along with so many other recent woes. A confrontation with her—and, by extension, her entire coven—might soon be unavoidable. On this gloomy note, Granuaile returned.

“Right about now I bet you’re wondering what Laksha wants,” she said lightly.

“That thought had indeed crossed my mind.”

“But what you should be wondering is what your favorite bartender wants.”

“Is that so?” I grinned.

She nodded. “It is. You see, I kind of like having Laksha in my head. She’s been teaching me all kinds of stuff.”

“Such as?”

“Such as, all the monsters are real—the vampires and the ghouls and even the chupacabra.”

“Really? How about Sasquatch?”

“She doesn’t know about that one; it’s too modern. But all the gods are real, and for some reason almost everyone who knows him thinks that Thor is a giant dick. But the most interesting thing she’s told me so far is that there’s still one honest-to-goodness Druid walking around after all the rest have died, and I’ve served him a whole lot of dark beer, bottles and bottles of whiskey, and occasionally flirted with him shamelessly.”

“Well, if you’re going to flirt, that’s the only way to do it.”

“Are you really older than Christianity?”

There was no use lying. The voice in her head had already told her everything. Besides, the whiskey was good, and I could blame everything I said on it if I had to. “Yep,” I admitted.

“And how did you manage that? You aren’t a god.”

“Airmid,” I said simply, thinking Granuaile would have no idea what I was talking about.

She narrowed her eyes. “Are you talking about Airmid, daughter of Dian Cecht, sister of Miach who was slain?” she asked.

That sobered me up some. “Wow. You’d win a shit-load of money on Jeopardy! with a brain like that. They teach Celtic mythology at the university here?”

Refusing to be distracted, Granuaile pressed, “You’re telling me you know the herblore of Airmid? The three hundred sixty-five herbs grown from the grave of Miach?”

“Aye. All of it.”

“And why would she have shared such priceless knowledge with you?”

That was a story for another day. “Can’t tell you.” I shook my head with seeming regret. “You’re too young.”

Granuaile snorted. “Whatever. So is this lore of Airmid’s the secret to your eternal youth?”

I nodded. “I call it Immortali-Tea because I’m fond of puns. I drink it every week or so and I stay fresh and unspoiled.”

“So this handsome face of yours isn’t an illusion? It’s really you?”

“Yes. Biologically, I’m still twenty-one.”

“Out. Fucking. Standing. Wow.” She leaned forward over the bar again, even closer than she had before. “So here is what I want, Atticus.” I could smell her strawberry lip gloss, the peppermint of her breath, and that peculiar scent that I now knew was only half hers: red-wine bouquet mixed with saffron and poppies. “I want to be your apprentice. Teach me.”

“Truly? That is what you want?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Yes. I want to be a Druid.”

I hadn’t heard that one in more than a century; the last person to ask me to teach them was one of those silly Victorians who thought Druids wore white robes and grew beards like cumulonimbus clouds. “I see. And what do I get in return?”

“Laksha’s help. Her gratitude. And mine.”

“Hmm. Let’s put some details with each of those, if we’re bargaining.”

“Laksha knows you have a problem with Radomila.”

“Wait,” I said, putting up a hand to forestall her speech. “How does she know that?”

“Two of the coven came in here yesterday while I was working, and she—or rather, I—overheard snatches of their conversation. When I heard your name I started paying attention. They were talking about taking something away from you, but I don’t know what because they never called it by name.”

I grimaced. “I know what they want. Did they say how they were going to manage it?”

“No, they were talking about how they’d be rewarded once they got it.”

“Interesting. What did they say?”

“They mentioned Mag Mell.”

“You’re kidding. Mag Mell? He was going to give them passage through there?”

“That and a permanent estate.”

“Unbelievable.” My nostrils flared and my fingers tightened around my glass. “Do you know what Mag Mell is?”

“I had to look it up, but yes. It’s one of the Fae planes. The really posh one.”

“Aye, the really beautiful one. And it’s being sold off to Polish witches. I wonder if Manannan Mac Lir knows anything about it.” Manannan was supposed to be the ruler of Mag Mell. If he knew about Aenghus Óg’s promise and had done nothing, then he was part of the collusion against Brighid; the more likely scenario was that Aenghus Óg was plotting against Manannan as well.

“I don’t have an answer for that,” Granuaile replied, “but I heard one say to the other that they had to leave because Radomila would be waiting for them. Obviously that piqued Laksha’s interest, and that’s how she knows your interests and hers coincide. She wants you to get her a shot at Radomila so she can get the necklace back.”

“If you live below Radomila, why can’t she just take a shot any night of the week?”

“Radomila’s condo is highly protected, the same as your home is probably protected. Laksha needs you to get Radomila out of her safety zone and keep her distracted for about five minutes.”

“That’s it?”

“And maybe get something of Radomila’s.”

“Ah, I see. How about a drop of her blood?”

“That will do,” Granuaile said.

“Does Laksha realize that besides the two you saw here, Radomila has eleven other witches in her coven, all of them magically accomplished? She’s picking a pretty big fight.”

“Laksha can take them all once she has her necklace back.”

“Really?” If that wasn’t overconfidence, then it was pretty scary. I’d be able to hold off a coven like theirs long enough to run away. Take them out all by myself? Not so much. “What’s so special about the necklace?”

“I’ll let her tell you soon.” Granuaile waved away the question. “Don’t get distracted. Laksha says that she is already grateful to you for rescuing her from the sea, but if you help her earn true freedom again, she will grant you any boon that is in her power to give.”

“And how do I earn her true freedom?”

“Distract Radomila so that she can get the necklace back.”

“There has to be more to it than that. For example, where is she going to go? Into Radomila, or back into the necklace? She’s not staying in your head, is she?”

“No.” Granuaile shook her head. “She’s been a wonderful guest, but we are both ready to be alone with our thoughts again. I will let her explain that. Last but not least, you will have my gratitude. I’m not able to grant you magical favors, but considering that apprentices in the old days were worked pretty hard, I’m sure I’ll be working off my debt to you.”

“What if I don’t want an apprentice?” I asked. “I’ve been doing just fine without one.”

“Oh, I see. Getting shot is doing just fine, is it?”

“Why can’t I help you get Laksha out of your head and call it a day?”

“No deal. Laksha won’t go unless you agree to my apprenticeship.”

“What?” I furrowed my brow. This was wholly unexpected. Typically, any being capable of possessing another cares very little about the wants and needs of those it possesses. “Why does she care?”

“She knows that I don’t want to be pulling draughts all day for every Mike and Tom who comes in here. I want to do something fantastic with my life. I’m only twenty-two, you know,” she said. “I want to learn.”

“That’s good, because there’s not much else to being a Druid’s apprentice than learning. But if I don’t agree, then what happens? Laksha stays in your head forever?”

Granuaile shrugged. “No, we’ll figure out something else. Eventually we’ll try to get the necklace back without your help. See if someone else in town would like to earn the gratitude of a sorceress.”

“And what of you, then? Will you try to become something else?”

Granuaile nodded and held my eyes. Hers were emerald dappled with light, and they reminded me of home. “If you leave me no other option, I will become a witch like Laksha. But it’s not my first choice.”

“Oh? And why is that?” I asked the question casually, but it was a deadly serious one—perhaps the most serious question of all. If she took this opening to make a joke or to flirt or kiss my ass, I would tell her no right then. But she paused before answering—perhaps getting coached by Laksha?

“There are several reasons, actually,” she began in a low voice. “Laksha knows a great deal about magic, because she has been around for a long time. But she knows you are older than she is. Much older than any other being she has ever met, aside from gods. If that is true, then it follows you would know even more than she does and would have seen things the rest of us can only read about—and that is why I want you to teach me. I want to know what truly happened in history from someone who was there. I want to know the things you know, especially the things humanity has forgotten or never knew in the first place. It’s just the general principle that knowing is better than not knowing, knowledge is power, and so on.”

I’ve heard worse. She walked up to the precipice of brownnosing, took a good look, but stepped back at the last moment.

“Another reason,” she continued, “is that I think Laksha’s magic is a bit scary, and I say that hoping she isn’t offended.” She rolled her eyes up for a moment, apparently conducting some internal dialogue. Then she looked back at me. “I think that much of what she has told me about her magic, and much of what I have read about magic with true power behind it, is a bit alarming. It seems to involve trafficking with H. P. Lovecraft action figures, and there are some rituals that I would have a problem with morally and, like, digestively. Toenails and body fluids—ew!” She shuddered. “But your power, a Druid’s power, comes from the earth, right?”

“That’s correct.”

She pointed at my right arm. “Laksha tells me those tattoos aren’t just for show.”

“She’s right.”

“That sounds like something I could live with.”

“Are you sure? It limits you. A Druid cannot do all the things a witch can do. If it’s power you’re after, then witches can access far more of it far faster than a Druid can.”

“There are different kinds of power,” Granuaile shot back. “And witches have the power to dominate and destroy. Your power is to defend and build.”

“Nah, no.” I shook my head. “I think you’re romanticizing quite a bit. My powers can also be used to dominate and destroy.” Aenghus Óg had certainly dominated Fagles. And Bres had tried to destroy me using a glamour.

“Okay, granted,” she conceded. “Anything can be twisted from its original intent. But the intent is what I’m talking about, Atticus. Laksha knows of rituals and spells that cannot possibly be, you know, benign. The difference is, your magic can be twisted to evil purposes, but some of the magic Laksha knows cannot ever be good. That is an important distinction for me.”

“So what do you think a Druid is?” I asked. If she mentioned white robes and ZZ Top beards, I would scream.

“They are healers and wise people,” she said. “Tellers of tales, repositories of culture, shape-shifters according to some stories, and able to exert a little influence over the weather.”

“Hmm, not bad,” I said. “Do they ever kick ass?”

I said it flippantly, but she knew this was a test. “Occasionally they kicked some ass in battles.” Granuaile frowned. “I mean according to some of the old legends. But they used swords and axes to do that, not magic force. That’s a nice sword you have there, by the way,” she said, tilting her chin to the hilt of Fragarach peeking over my shoulder. “Are you planning on kicking some ass?”

I ignored her question and asked her another. “What did the Druids do in the old legends you read?”

“Mostly they advised kings and tried to predict the future—oh, I forgot that. Divination is kind of a Druid thing. Do you cut open animals and look at their guts?” She crinkled her nose at me and held her breath.

“No,” I answered, shaking my head, and she relaxed. “I prefer to cast wands.”

“There, see?” She tapped me teasingly on the arm. “You don’t destroy things.”

“Do you seriously want to become a Druid initiate? Before you answer, let me explain what that would involve, because Laksha could not possibly know, and if you’ve been reading any of that New Age crap that says you only need to take some plant life and pray to Brighid or the Morrigan, well, it’s not like that. First, you get twelve years of memorizing things. No spells, nothing remotely cool or powerful. Just memorizing and regurgitating for twelve years. You might be able to knock off a year or so because you’re starting later than most initiates and your brain is fully developed, but still, it’s a long time. You have to seriously like books and learning and languages, because you’d have to learn a few, and that’s all you’d do, full time, until you’re in your thirties.”

“Oh,” she said in a tiny voice. “What about paying bills and things like that?”

“You’d have to quit your job here and come work for me in my bookstore. To relieve the tedium of reading books, I can occasionally allow you the tedium of selling them to other people. And maybe I’ll teach you how to brew some special teas.”

“Wow. Okay.”

“After you pass all your tests, we can start teaching you some magic. But you have to be able to draw power for that, and that means getting yourself tattooed ritualistically with vegetable-based dyes. It takes five months.”

“Five months?” Granuaile’s eyes bugged.

“I just told you about twelve years of study up front and you didn’t even blink, and now you’re worried about five months?”

“Well, this is five months of getting stabbed with a needle, right?”

“Thorns, actually. This is very old-school. Doesn’t get much older.”

“Yeah, see, that’s a bit different than curling up with a book and a mug of hot chocolate.”

“But it’s necessary if you want to perform Druidic magic. It’s a ritual that binds you to the earth and allows you to tap its power. And once you’re bound to it, you will never want to do anything to harm it. Aenghus Óg might be dealing with demons these days, if Brighid’s right, but even he wouldn’t dare mess with the earth.” After I said that, it occurred to me that a man willing to deal with demons might do much worse, so I added, “I hope,” sotto voce.

“You talked to Brighid? And who’s Aenghus Óg? You mean the old Irish love god?”

“Yeah, him,” I said, mildly surprised and impressed that she was able to place the name, though I shouldn’t have been after she had correctly identified Airmid. “But forget I mentioned him. The point is, Granuaile, it will be more than a decade before you get to feel anything that can be called magical power. If you’re anxious to start wielding magic, Laksha might know a ritual that can get you started tonight. What kind of patience do you have?”

“The right kind,” she said. “And I have enough.” She reached out and covered my hand with hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I truly want this.”

“You said you’re twenty-two. Don’t you have a college degree already?”

She rolled her eyes at me. “Yeah, I graduated in May with a degree in philosophy. And now I tend bar because what the hell else am I going to do with a philosophy degree?”

All right,” I said after studying her face. “I’ll take your application seriously and consider it. But before I make a decision, I need to speak to Laksha.”

“I figured as much.” She twisted her lips in an expression of regret and let her hand slip back to her side. “I need to work a bit before I let her take over, though. She doesn’t know jack about bartending. Hold on.” She quickly revisited her lingering patrons, getting a refill here, closing out a check there, distributing smiles and thanks and drinks with equal facility.

Tullamore Dew trickled down my throat as I considered her and reviewed why I hadn’t had an apprentice in more than a thousand years. Mostly it was because everyone thought the Druids had all died out, and they didn’t know there was still someone around to ask for training. I was kind of like Yoda chilling out in the Dagobah system. But even when people found me—as they occasionally did, as Granuaile just had—training someone had been impractical, because I had to remain mobile and I couldn’t afford to stay in one place for so long. I had also been working on my necklace for much of that time, and you can’t concentrate on a project like that with constant questions and the need to plan instruction for someone else.

My last apprentice had left this plane near the very end of the tenth century. He was a bright, earnest lad named Cibrán, who managed to play the role of an illiterate Catholic peasant convincingly while learning the mysteries of the earth from me. I was hiding underneath the skirts of the Holy Roman Empire at the time—a far-flung fold of its skirts, really, near the city of Compostela in the kingdom of Galicia. I had a modest farm a couple of miles from town, and everyone liked me because I gave all the credit for my crops to Jesus and paid the clergy generous tithes. Cibrán’s father was a smith in town, and he sent his son out to my farm a few times a week to get fresh produce and eggs from the chickens I kept. He paid me with Cibrán’s labor on the farm, and that’s how we found time to conduct his education. He had nearly completed his studies, and we were about to travel into the woods to begin his tattoos, when Al-Mansur’s forces swept up from the southern Caliphate and sacked the city in 997, killing him and his father before I could get there to protect him. That was when I gave up on trying to be a teacher. Neither I nor the Iberian Peninsula was stable enough to allow it to bear fruit. I packed my things and headed off to Asia, eventually coming back to Europe with Khan’s hordes.

Since then I had from time to time toyed with the idea of starting a small Druidic grove somewhere, but the threat of Aenghus Óg on the one hand and persecution by monotheists on the other always made that an idle daydream. Perhaps now it would not be so far-fetched, though, if I was able to survive the Morrigan’s divination.

My deal with her wasn’t a universal get-out-of-death-free card. It applied only to the Morrigan, who had first dibs on my life, and that was grand, no doubt; but death gods are a staple of every pantheon, and if Aenghus Óg was truly making an alliance of some kind with hell, then death would come for me on a pale horse, according to Revelation 6:8.

The part of her divination that truly bothered me was the Heather wand, which suggested that the soon-to-be-dead warrior would be surprised before he bit the dust. I didn’t think Aenghus could do much to surprise me at this point, but that coven of witches certainly could. They had already surprised me several times, first with the runaround about making Aenghus impotent, then lying to my face about their alliance with him, and even giving me their leader’s blood with confidence that they could either steal it back or that I would never use it against them. And all of that was accomplished by only three of the witches in their coven: What would they surprise me with when the whole lot of them focused on me?

And now here, in Rúla Búla, in Granuaile’s head, was another witch who claimed she could take on the whole Polish coven by herself, provided she had a certain ruby necklace—which obviously was a potent magical item or none of the cool witches would want to kill one another for it. Did I want to let someone that powerful off the leash?

Granuaile stopped in front of me and leaned over to get my attention before I could answer the question.

“Okay, Atticus, I’m going to let Laksha come out. Play nice.” She grinned impishly at me, and then her head lolled to one side as she relinquished control. When her head came back up, her expression was inscrutable, though a sense of old age was conveyed by a tightening around the eyes and mouth. Her accented voice greeted me with clipped consonants and vowels and the lilting intonation of Tamil speakers. “I have been looking forward to our conversation, Druid,” she said. “I am Laksha Kulasekaran, greeting you in peace.”

The transformation from a young, sunny Irish American girl to an ancient Indian witch was absolutely creepy, no matter how many words of peace came flowing out of Granuaile’s mouth. It gave me what Samuel Clemens used to call a shivering case of the fan-tods.