Hot Sleep: The Worthing Chronicle

8

J HAS TOLD me I must write, though my writing is slow and not always good, and so I write. I am Kapock, and I am called the Eldest of the Ice People, though there is no time when I do not remember the other five who are also the Other Eldest. J is gone now for the first time in memory, and I am Warden, and I am afraid.

J has told me I must write what is most important. Most important to me? I asked J. He said, Most important to Heaven City , which is what we call our place where we all live. J has gone up into the Star Tower and I cannot ask him what is important, but I will obey him the best I can which is not always good.

J has told me I am writing to my children. I do not understand this, for my children are both very small, and even though one of them can now walk, which he could not do at first, he cannot even speak. Does this mean that J promises that someday my children will not only speak, but also will read? This is a great promise, if it is true, but I am not sure and so I tell it to no one yet. I tell no one that I write.

I live apart from all the others with Sara my wife. This is our way now. When Sara and I chose each other and first coupled we were afraid, for this thing had not been taught to us by J, but rather by the oxen. Nevertheless J was not angry and only said that now we must live apart. He said words that declared us to be married and said that once married a man and a woman must live only together and never with any other man or woman, so that children could be born. This we have done, and it is a good way, for I am happy. And also Sara.

This is the first thing that is important. When I was a man alone I was often afraid and would always ask J before I did anything. Now I ask Sara, and she answers me, but I do not always do what she says. This is not because I do not respect her, but because we do not always agree. Many times I have thought one way and she has thought another way but we have done still another way between the two. This is a good way to decide, and now I do not need to ask J before I do things. I am not alone and I am almost never afraid anymore.

Until now that I am Warden, and I am afraid again, because now I do not decide just the things of a man and a wife, the things of my sheep and my house. Now I must also decide the arguments of the other people, and name the day of planting and plowing and hoeing and reaping and all other days, and this makes me afraid, for only J has decided these things before.

Will the others obey me as they have obeyed J? I do not know, for J is always wise, and I am always foolish and this is known to all the men and women of Heaven City . Yet J has told them to obey me, and so they must do it.

But J has also told me to give commandments as he would give them. But I am not wise, and so I cannot obey. Does he not know this? I am afraid.

If I did not have Sara with me I would run from Heaven City and build a far house. But Sara has read what I am writing and has told me I am not foolish. Even now she touches my hair and I am not so afraid. I make an end of writing for this time.

Linkeree and the ax.

Now I will tell you of Linkeree and the ax, for Sara says to me all day that this is important, and now I agree with her. J left at the seventh day of the harvest moon, and now it is the third day of the leaf–falling moon. Soon there will be first snow. I remember this from two other winters. Our main work at this time is building a new house for Wien and Miott, who have coupled. Also this is the time for making new thatch to cover the roofs of our wooden houses, and this we also are doing.

Yesterday was the time of walls, and Linkeree is the best at walls. He is also the best at much other things working with wood, and so we listen most to him in the making of houses and other things of wood. Linkeree worked very hard, and the walls were ready with four hours of light left.

At that time Linkeree said to me, Kapock. Can I take an ax?

And I said to Linkeree, Where will you take the ax and to what purpose? This I said because J has told us the metal tools are precious and cannot be made again as well, and so we keep them carefully and do not leave them lying around in the fields to be lost or broken.

Linkeree said to me, Kapock, I will take the ax to a place I know and there I will cut trees for a special purpose, and I will bring the ax to you at dark, and you will have it again.

Now I am not a fool, though I am sometimes foolish, and I knew that Linkeree had not answered me at all. But I also knew that Linkeree was not lazy and that he had several times thought of ideas that J said were very good. Linkeree thought of the way to catch fish with a cloth with holes cut in it, giving us a good change from bread and potatoes and radishes and cream and other such quiet food. Linkeree also thought of the stool with three legs that sits steady no matter what the ground. So he is one to treat with respect. So I did not argue with him, but decided that I would let him take the ax this once, but that if any harm came to it he could not have it again. I thought that this is the way J would have decided.

To my anger Wien and Hux were standing near, and Hux said, Why did you say yes, Kapock? He did not answer you.

And Wien said to Linkeree, Where are you taking the ax and what will you do with it?

I do not answer quickly when I am angry, but Linkeree is always quick to speak his anger. He said to them, It is Kapock who is Warden, not you, and I do not have to answer you.

This made Hux and Wien very angry, so angry that I thought Wien might try to take the ax from Linkeree by strength, which Wien could surely do, being very large and strong, while Linkeree is slight, though also tall.

This is what I said to Hux and Wien: Linkeree is a good man and I will let him take the ax. But if he does not keep his word and return it at dark, then I will require that he tell us where and to what purpose he would take the ax.

Then it will be too late, said Hux.

But I was angry now, and told Hux that tomorrow he would have to bury all the nightsoil of Heaven City himself. Hux said no more because he knew that his punishment was just. Wien also said nothing more. But I knew they were angry at Linkeree and angry at me.

Then Linkeree left. He brought back the ax at dark, as I had said, and no more was said on the matter.

I did not think this was important yesterday, but today Sara told me that it was very important. This is the reason she told me: It is important because never before have any of the Ice People spoken against my decision after I had made it. I had not thought of that at the time, but now that I think of it it makes me afraid again, for it means they do not think of me as if I were J, because they would never have spoken against J.

J promised that he would return at harvest next year. Will he then find that I have failed and not been a good Warden? If he does, I will not want to live anymore. I will want to die like the squirrels who are crushed at the falling of a tree.

Sara is reading this and she tells me that I am now being foolish.

There is another reason why this thing that happened yesterday is important. This is the first time that any person has ever done something and not told all the people what he does, and yet has told them that he is doing it. I write this, and have not told others, but they do not know that I am not telling. It is as if Linkeree wanted us all to know that there is something he will not tell us. Why does he do this? It only causes pain and anger, as Hux and Wien and many others are angry.

They fear that Linkeree does not think himself equal to us all, but better, and J has told us that though each of us is better at some things than others are, yet all of us, added together, are equal. This is why we have equal food, unless we are lazy, and why we have equal houses and equal portions of all things, good and bad. This is why when one house is cold, all must help to fix it, or all must take turns sleeping in the cold house until it is warm again. This is good and right, because one should not have less than another when both work as hard.

But if Linkeree thinks himself better than others, will he not want more for himself than for others? This would not be right. I want to know what he does. But I will not force him to tell me — nor will I follow him or allow others to follow him. For as J said to me on one day, If a man does something that you do not understand, do not stop him. Rather wait until you do understand, for then you may learn something for your good. These are the words of J.

This is what has happened with Linkeree and the ax, and I make an end of writing at this time.

My house.

Sara says I should write of my house. I do not think so. But because Sara is often wiser than I, and because it will do no harm for me to write, I write:

My house was built like all other houses of Heaven City, except that I am on this side of the Star River and all the other houses are on the other side with the Star Tower . But my house is now different, and this is because I am a foolish man. Sara now laughs at me. But it is true.

I looked at the house and it did not look right to me. It was solid like all other houses, but it did not look right to me. Now do you see why I call myself foolish?

So on a night with nothing to do, I took some of the scraps of wool that we had not needed for cloth, and I began to work the loom. After several nights I had good lengths of cloth. I sewed them together like a blanket, only tighter and stronger, and I fastened the cloth to the front of my house above the door, and then tied the two far comers to ropes and tied the other ends of the ropes to posts I put in the ground fifteen paces off. Now the sun never shines through our door, which means that all through the summer our door is open and yet the house is cool.

This is a good reason to do the thing I did. But that was not the reason I did it. I did it because the house did not look right until I did that.

And now I will write something that will surely make Sara laugh. I looked at the house tonight and once again, to me, it does not look right.

Sara is laughing at me. I will make an end of writing for this time.

Linkeree and days of work.

Today was a bad day again, and once again the trouble was about Linkeree. What does he do in the far forest with the ax?

Today Linkeree took the ax early in the morning. With my consent he took the ax. But then later in the morning Hux told me that the firewood was not as deep as it had been last winter, and I went to see. Sure enough, the firewood did not rise as high as the mark in the wall. I felt bad that I had not checked this sooner. But I told Hux and three other men to take axes and cut wood all day instead of doing work on the thatch. This is because thatch can be made even inside a house, but wood cannot be cut easily after the snow is deep.

I forgot that Linkeree had one of the axes. There would not have been a problem except that I forgot.

Hux and Wien came to me and said, We have not got all four axes.

Linkeree has the other, I said.

Then they became angry and said loudly, Why does Linkeree have the ax doing things he will not tell when all of us need the ax to cut wood? It is not right for him to have the ax alone when it is needed for all of us.

They were right, for this is J's law: No man or woman may use a tool when it is needed for another purpose by more people.

But to answer them I had to say, Linkeree did not know our need, and we do not know where he is to fetch it back.

Then they said, It is not right for us not to know, for the ax does not belong to him alone, and yet he has it where none but him can use it.

I said to them, Let three of you cut wood, and the other will make thatch.

But they would not listen, and Hux said loudly, so all in Heaven City would hear him, that he would go and follow Linkeree's trail in the forest so he could find him and fetch the ax.

Then I became angry and said just as loudly, so all could hear: You will not follow Linkeree. I am the man that J left as Warden, and I command you as J would command you, not to follow Linkeree, but to wait for his return, and then we will consider what to do.

Then Hux grew very angry, and so did Wien. They said many things. The worst thing they said was this:

Kapock, they said to me, you are not a good Warden, for J treats all of us the same, but you give Linkeree special treatment. You do not make him work as much as us.

And I held my tongue and did not speak, for they were right, and yet they were wrong, and I could not explain. It is true that Linkeree is not working at our tasks as much as the others are. This is because I let him go into the forest to do his unknown thing.

But Linkeree never goes into the forest until he has done as much work as others do. Linkeree is very fast and clever with his hands. He can make good thatch, the best that is made in Heaven City, faster than any other man or woman. When he works the same time as the others, his pile is twice as big. Likewise working with wood and even plowing and other things. Linkeree is not as strong as Wien, but he is clever and works fastest of all.

Thus I do not think it is unfair for him to not work as long as the others, for if he worked as long, would he not be doing more than others?

And yet all men are equal, and Linkeree cannot be given more than others are given. I do not give him more food. I do not give him more clothing, or more of any good or bad things we have.

But I do give him more hours when he is not told what to do. The others now tell me that this is not fair. They say that Linkeree should be in all things equal. Their words sound just.

But this is the question, I think, for Sara and I have talked many hours tonight about this: Does a man's or woman's time belong to all the people, or does his time belong to himself? His body belongs to himself, because no other man or woman can use it, except his wife, which he has not got. Speaking of Linkeree.

But does his time belong to himself? If yes, then when he has done an equal share of all the tasks, the time that remains is surely his own to spend as he wishes, and then I am right to let Linkeree go deep into the forest.

But if his time belongs to all of us, then it is not right for him to go into the forest, but he must work alongside us all, giving his time equally, even if he does more work during the time.

Which is right? I do not know. In my own mind, I think that a man's time is his own, for does not J give us all time alone, not telling us what to do? And I like best the things I do in those times. But the others say that such time is only a gift from J, and that J gave it equally, which is true.

I do not know which is right. I only know that I must do something to stop the others from being angry at Linkeree and at me. And yet it does not seem right to me that Linkeree should be stopped from what he is doing. If he would only tell us what it is he does in the forest.

Tomorrow all must work to build a good large fence and roof for the sheep for the winter, for there are many more sheep this year than last, and the old fence and roof are too small for them all. This will stop the argument for a day.

This is another important thing: My son Ciel has spoken a word today. He said, Sara, which is his mother's name. Sara was so happy that she sang all day, and Ciel said the word again tonight. Sara is happy because it means that maybe our child will be as clever as J's children which he brings from the Star Tower . I do not hope for this, for our children are weak and small. But I am happy because J's promise is going to be fulfilled: my children will speak, and then will read someday.

From now on Ciel and Mun I write to you, my son and daughter. And now I make an end of writing for this time.

Linkeree is a good man.

I write this because Linkeree is a good man and will not cause trouble anymore. I told him of yesterday's trouble with Hux and Wien. Linkeree was quiet for a little time, and then he said to me, Kapock, I will not cause trouble in Heaven City . I will work many hours like all the others, and will not go into the forest again at all during this time until the moon of the thaw. Maybe they will forget during the winter when there is deep snow.

This way we will not have the trouble, for Linkeree will no more take the ax.

Linkeree is lost.

I did not finish my writing of yesterday because there was a trouble after all. Linkeree went away during the night, and I stopped writing when Batta, one of the women who only a few months ago learned speech, came to me to tell me that Linkeree was not in his bed in the house with other unmarried people.

We called for him, but he did not answer. Batta said, We must look for him.

But I would not, because there is now snow on the ground, and if anyone got lost in the night he would die of cold before the morning.

Then in the morning before we could leave to search for Linkeree, he came to us of his own will.

I am ready to work, he said.

Everyone said, Where were you all night, and why are you not frozen in the snow.

But Linkeree would not say. He only said, I am ready to work. What more can you want from me?

And this is true. For J never commanded us to tell all things, but only to do all work in common. Our thoughts belong to ourselves: this J has always said. We can make no man or woman tell us their thoughts.

But Hux and Wien were very angry. I do not understand why Hux and Wien are always angry at Linkeree, for he does not make them hungry, and he does not make them cold; he hurts them in no way, but they do not like for him to do things they do not know about. They say it is not fair, but I do not think fairness is the question. I think that Linkeree makes them afraid.

Why are they afraid of Linkeree? Why does he make them angry doing this thing? I do not understand. For I, like Linkeree, look for time to be alone. I have found out that the hours I spend writing this are some of my happiest hours, like the hours I spent at the loom, making cloth, for no one takes my thoughts away from me during those times, except Sara, and when she talks my thoughts are not taken away, for I can tell my thoughts to her, and so I keep them.

And now, tonight, Linkeree is gone again, and the snow is falling. I am afraid that some danger will come to him. But at least now I know what he has done in the forest. All alone he has built a house. This must be so because there is no other way that he could have come to us warm and dry in the morning.

Why does he want a house that no one else knows? Why did he want no help in building it? Even strong Wien wanted help to build his house. Linkeree is the best wall maker, but even he cannot make the great logs fly into place like birds.

Is he not afraid to sleep alone in the darkness, far from the other people? My own house is on this side of the river from all the others, but here I am not truly alone, for Sara and my children and the sheep are here. I would not like to be alone where no one else breathed loudly in the night.

And there is something else: What will J think when he learns that one of the Ice People has gone away from Heaven City to build a place apart? I worry that I should make Linkeree live among us all, even at night. And yet I do not want to stop Linkeree until I understand and am sure that it is bad.

I do not like being Warden. But I would rather be Warden than have Hux or Wien as Warden, for they do not think before they decide, and now I know that this is bad, for they would have caused terrible anger in Heaven City by making Linkeree not do what it was Linkeree's right to do.

I make an end of writing at this time. I am angry and afraid, and I do not know what to do. What will J think of me?

A bad thing has happened.

Today the snow was deep and Linkeree did not come back from his house deep in the forest until the sun was at noon. He was cold and wet, and he said that it was hard walking through the deep drifts, and that twice he had been buried in the snow.

Wien was glad to see Linkeree, and I believe because of this that Wien has a real caring for Linkeree. But Hux was angry again. I think that Hux would rather be angry at Linkeree than not. Hux said that Linkeree had missed a whole morning of work, and that because of his house in the forest he had stolen many hours from all of the people.

The woman Batta, even though she is young, said, I do not care about the hours. I care that Linkeree has come back to us and he is safe.

He would not be in danger except that he steals time from us and built himself a house in the forest, Hux said. And then he said something that many people agree with: We only get houses when we marry. Why does Linkeree now have a house when he is not married? If we all did this we would spend all our time making houses.

Linkeree answered this with his face red with anger, saying, I did not ask any of you to help me build my house, and so it is mine. It cost you nothing. You did not work for it, and I did not do less work here in Heaven City than any of you. It is my house.

I do not know if this is a good argument or not. It is one thing to say My arm or my leg, for it is clearly mine. It is even right to say, My shirt or my shoes, for these would not fit any other person. And when one has eaten one can say, My dinner, for no one else can ever eat that food. But to say My house when it is a thing that any person could fit into and use does not seem right.

Sara is reading this and she says that in these very writings I have called this house My house. That is true. But when I call it My house I do not mean that I would close the door against any other man or woman. And yet this is what Linkeree means.

For Hux said to Linkeree. Ryanno and I are going to be married. We need a house.

And Linkeree said, Good. I will help you build one.

No one said anything, but we all knew that Hux was really saying I want to live in the house you built. And Linkeree was really saying, I will not let you live in it.

Then I spoke, for I had made a decision: Linkeree, until the snow is over, it is better if you do not sleep in your house in the forest except on nights when the sky is clear and it will not snow, for it is not right that you should spend hours going through the forest when you should be here working like the rest of us.

And Linkeree saw that this was fair, and he agreed. But then he said, If many people would go with me, we could walk the snow down until it is hard, and there would be a path through the woods that I could follow without fear, and it would not take me hours.

Hux shouted, No, for that is work that would only help you, and no one else, for no one else lives in your house.

Hux was right, and so I said, There is no more work that must be done today except the cooking of the food. So let all those who want to come with Linkeree, and we will walk down the snow until it is hard, if he will let us see his house and the way to it. And all those who do not want to do this can have hours to do with as they choose here in Heaven City.

Hux still tried to say this was not right, but the people saw that I was being fair, because this was not work that anyone had to do. Also, everyone wanted to see Linkeree's house, and so every single person, including Hux at the end, agreed to help walk down the snow.

We walked down the snow and it was a glad time with shouting and singing all the way.

Linkeree's house is made of smaller logs than our houses, and there are more of them. The cracks he has filled with mud and straw, and it lets in no wind. This is a good idea, and I have decided that in the springtime we will also fill in the cracks in logs with mud and straw. Also, Linkeree has made a hole in the other side of his house from the door. It starts at a man's waist and goes up to his head, and closes like a door with a frame made of sticks covered tightly with cloth and straw. Linkeree says that in the summer this will let the wind pass through his house and he will be cooler than those who live in other houses.

And as I looked at his house I thought, this is what did not look right about my house, and I knew that I would have to take down my back wall and make a small door for the wind as Linkeree has done.

When all had seen Linkeree's house we went back to Heaven City, even Linkeree, for it was time to eat.

Then the bad thing happened. During dinner, Hux went to Linkeree and said, Give me your bread.

This made everyone be quiet, because no man has the right to say Give me your bread.

Linkeree said nothing, but went on eating his potatoes.

Hux said, Today I worked for you. I did not work for all of us, but only for you. Therefore, you should give me something. I want your bread.

I said, You have enough to eat, Hux. You do not need bread.

Hux said, When I work for another man I get hungrier than when I work for myself. He must give me bread, because I gave to him, and only to him, the strength of my legs.

Then Hux spoke loudly to everyone gathered in the eating house: when I work for all of you, then all of you give me a part of your bread and potatoes and cream and every other thing. If I do not work, I get less. This is Jason's law.

This is true. But then Hux said: Today I worked for Linkeree, and so now Linkeree must give me food. When I work for all men, all men give me food. When I work for one man, one man must give me food.

This did not seem right to me, nor to many of us. But no one could think of an answer. Hux is very good at making his ideas seem true, even when they are not true.

Linkeree said, If you want more food, there is plenty of nightsoil.

This made many people laugh, but Hux did not laugh. Instead he took Linkeree's bread from his plate, and took a great bite out of it. Linkeree jumped up to take back the bread, but Hux threw it down on the ground and stepped on it so it could not be eaten.

Then Linkeree became very angry and with his fist he struck Hux in the stomach. He struck him so hard that Hux fell to the ground and vomited all he had eaten for dinner.

This made us all very afraid, for such a thing had never happened before. Wien was more angry than others because Hux is his friend more than any other man. Wien was about to strike Linkeree with his fist, also. But I went to Wien and put my hand on his arm, and he did not strike Linkeree.

I did not know what to do, for such a thing bad never happened before. This is what I said, and I fear it was not wise: Hux took that which he did not have a right to take — another man's bread. For this a good and just punishment is for him to lose his own dinner, which he has done. Therefore I will give no more punishment to Hux.

Then I said to Linkeree: You have built yourself a house, but this does not mean that you are not one of us, equal to all of us. When we have a problem we have always gone to the Warden or to J to have an answer. But this time you did not wait. You decided for yourself what the punishment should be, as if you were the Warden. You are not the Warden. You did not have the right to cause pain to Hux.

Linkeree could see that I was very angry, because he said, I am sorry you are angry, Kapock, and I am sorry that I struck Hux. I was angry, and I did not think first.

But this could not be enough. For if a man can make another man do his will by striking him hard, then Wien would soon be the Warden, for he is the strongest. And those who are not strong would soon be ruled not by justice, but by the desires of the strong. And did J not say, The strong man and the clever man and the kind man have equal gifts, and shall not rule over each other?

So I said that Linkeree must be punished, and his punishment must be like what he did to Hux. Therefore I said that Linkeree must stand while another man struck him as he had struck Hux.

Everyone thought that this was a just punishment, even Linkeree, though he looked afraid. But then, even though the punishment was just, no one was willing to strike Linkeree. Not even I, for it is too hard a thing to cause someone pain, even when they have caused it to someone else.

Then Sara said, I will do this, because the punishment must be carried out.

I forbade her.

But she said, I will do it because it must be done, but Linkeree must understand that I am not angry at him, but love him like everyone else here, or I will not do it.

I understand, Linkeree said.

Then Sara went to Linkeree and struck him very hard in the stomach. Sara is very strong, stronger than Linkeree, but because she was not angry she did not strike him with the same force that Linkeree had used with Hux. But Linkeree still bent in half with the pain, and cried out loudly, and all of us agreed that justice had been done.

But I am still afraid. For Linkeree and Hux now hate each other and are angry deep down inside them, where it does not heal, and I fear that other bad things will happen. Why did J make me Warden? I would rather be just Kapock who tends the sheeps and works the loom. For if I stand between Linkeree and Hux they will hate me also. I am afraid that they already do. And yet I have only tried to be fair. But sometimes what is fair to the one person and what is fair to all persons are not the same fairness, and then how can I judge when I do not have J's wisdom?

I have written many hours into the night, but I cannot sleep even now. But I will make an end of writing at this time. My hand is tired.

Kapocks gonn and Im alone here at the house and so Im writing wat Kapock would write but hes not here. Im Sara and wats happend is worse than any of us thought. For Hux has hatid Linkeree bad for days, and so hes gonn and made things worst they can be.

Hux he hatid Linkeree even after I hit that good man as punishment for hitting Hux who deserved it. So he got the plan to marry Ryanno now instead of wait for spring when we can bild a house.

Hux he said how he and Ryanno did not have to wait to marry because already theres a house that is fine for them, a fine house he said over and over. No need he said to bild a new house and so he and Ryanno did not have to wait for the snow to melt.

This was the hardist thing Kapock my dear husbind has ever decidid but he did his best. Wat could he do? For it was winter and we could not bild a house and the snow was deep, like it is today. Last year when Ally and Jobbin married they had to wait for spring and it was hard for them all winter not to couple when they wantid to so bad but that was the law.

Now there is a house why should they wait? But the house was bilt by Linkeree he did all the work. And yet never has any man or woman in Heaven City said to any other man or woman in need of his thing, No. Always we have said Yes what I have is yours all of it take wat you need.

If Jason was here he would have decidid but Kapock is Warden and whatever he decidid would make somebody angry. So he said to all people Wat do you think? And many said Linkeree should have the house but many more said It is not right for Hux and Ryanno to wait when there is a house.

And so Kapock did the thing that would anger the less people because he did not know wat is right.

And now all things are bad and I am afraid for Kapock is. gonn like Linkeree into the night and it snows hard so I cannot even see the sheep behind the fense.

Hux is stupid and stubborn like the ox that does not move unless it is hit. I would want to hit him five or eight times but he would still be stupid.

Kapock said Hux could have the house and Linkeree got tears in his eys but he said if you think thats right Kapock I will do wat you say. Kapock he said thank you.

Then Kapock said In a week weel do all this like I said. But Hux was not happy yet, he said I want the house tonight and marry tonight. Ryanno she said Wait a week Hux we have no hurry. But Hux he got angry and said Tonight or you'll all be sorry.

Kapock he said This is not fair Hux. You'll wait a week.

In the night Hux like an ox took Ryanno and his clothes and things and went in the darkness for there was a moon. They came into Linkerees house where Linkeree was sleeping and said Make room.

Linkeree he was very angry, but still he would not hit again for he promist.

So Linkeree came in the night to Kapock and said all that had happind and that Hux and Ryanno were in his Linkerees house.

Many people then went in the night to Linkerees house where Hux and Ryanno slept and Kapock said Why did you do this when I commanded you to wait?

It was not fair said Hux.

Jason said you should obey me like I am Jason said Kapock.

Then Hux he said When you decide wise like Jason I will obey like youre Jason.

Then my husbind Kapock got angry and when he gets angry he will not speak but instead is silent because he says When I am angry I am foolish.

And then Kapock said to all the people, Lets go home and sleep in Heaven City and decide what is right and wrong in the morning. But Linkeree said No, for Ive dunn all things like you said even giving up my house like you said now make Hux this ox do like you said, for Ive obeyd and hes broken all your words. Then Hux he shoutid I will never leave this house unless you kill me to get me out.

And so Kapock said Please Linkeree lets not have more of this fighting this is so bad:

But Linkeree said I have dunn right and Hux has dunn wrong take him out. When Linkeree saw that Kapock would not do it because he wants no more fighting, Linkeree went to the door of the house he bilt and opend it to go in and fight with Hux. But Hux struck Linkeree with the little door that Linkeree had bilt for the other end of the house and Linkeree fell down with bleeding from his head and he didint get up we thought he was dead.

Then Kapock said to Hux, You are not one of us Hux. You are alone. You may not marry Ryanno I forbid it. Ryanno come to me.

And Ryanno who is a good woman came out of Linkerees house and came to Kapock. Hux he stood looking at Linkeree who lay so quiet and he said Im sorry I just wantid to keep him out of this house I was so angry but I didint mean to hurt him so bad.

But Kapock he just said You have killd a man and you will have no more food in Heaven City and no more friends in Heaven City . Live however you want but come to us no more.

Then Kapock had the men carry Linkeree back home.

But Linkeree he was not dead he was still alive and when Kapock saw this he cried and said Linkeree my friend youre alive youre alive and many others of us cried. Then we all went to sleep. I askt Kapock What about Hux? He didint kill Linkeree after all.

Kapock he said to me, Sara he didint care if he killd Linkeree or not. So let him go a night thinking that Linkeree is dead and then weel see how much he hits a man or woman again, I think never.

But this was again a wrong thing, yet how could my Kapock know? How could he know what Linkeree would do? Can he look into other mens hearts like Jason can and see the real truth inside them? No he cant. So he did the best he could and Jason if you read this Im saying to you Dont you blame Kapock because hes a good man and its not fair to tell a Warden he must be as wise as you because no man can be so wise and if you say he did bad and make Kapock feel bad I promise you Ill never love you again Ill always hate you and never do wat you say. Jason my husbind is a good man, he is the best man in all of Heaven City . Wat could he do?

Linkeree he took a burning branch from the fire and went in the dark morning before the sun and lit on fire the house he bilt. Hux he heard the flames and he run out of the house into the snow but all that he had except his own sleeping cloths burnd up in the house which is nothing but ashes and burnt up poles now.

All day we lookt for Linkeree we did not work because it was about to snow and we did not want Linkeree lost in the woods. But we did not find him and when we get back wat do we find? Batta is gonn too and with her much food and one ax and much cloths enouf for two people and so we know she is gonn to Linkeree. Did Linkeree come to her or is she also lost in the forest? We do not know.

And when the snow fell nobody would go looking any more except Kapock and he promist me he would not go eather but he is gonn and I know he is in the snow. This is the worst storm so far this winter it is very bad and I am afraid for Linkeree and Batta but most of all I am afraid for my Kapock. But he is full of darkness he said to me, he said Sara even you cant take this dark out of me.

Before Kapock went out alone I said Here is Hux who has dunn all these stupid things. I say lets put him out in the snow till Linkeree and Batta come back.

But Kapock he said No. He said, Hux did not mean to hurt Linkeree so bad he is just stupid and thinking only of hiself not of all of us. Hux he usd the laws to do a thing for himself just like he said Linkeree was doing, and now we know which of them both is trying to be better than others it is Hux.

This made Hux to cry.

But Kapock said We will not punish Hux any more now, we will wait for Jason to come back to us and Jason will say what Hux shall do. But I command this one thing. Hux will not marry for five years. As long as I have lived since Jason took me down from the Star Tower , Kapock said, that long will Hux not marry and not couple with a woman. This is my commandment in the name of Jason.

This time Ryanno cried and Kapock said Im sorry Ryanno this punishes you as bad as Hux, so I say you have no more promise to Hux but you can marry any man who wants you because you can see that Hux is not a good man right now he would not be good to you and a man must be good to his wife.

Ryanno said Its not fair.

And Kapock said There is no way to be fair Im not trying to be fair. Im trying to stop all of us from hurting each other any more and I dont care about fair I care about right. And it is right that Hux is treatid like one of the Ice People who comes down from the Star Tower knowing nothing saying nothing just crying and making nightsoil and eating and sleeping. Hux must be punisht so no other person will do like he has dunn. And besides, Ryanno, Kapock said, you did much things with Hux like going to Linkerees house early and you knew it was not right.

Then Kapock said to everybody Im going now to find Linkeree and Batta. While I am gonn you will obey Sara as if she were Jason or me. If I dont come back at all then you obey her until Jason comes back.

And he made all people promise but I said Dont go Kapock but he didint answer just went out of the door and into the snow which falls so fast.

Im writing all these things so that Jason will know the truth of wat has happind no matter what lies Hux and Ryanno try to tell.

Wat has happind to us it is not three moons yet since Jason left us and went into the Star Tower and now there has been much wrong and Linkeree and Batta and maybe Kapock are surely dead tonight who can live in this snow? It breaks branchis. It breaks even roofs tonight sometimes when it is so bad.

And I have not said to Kapock yet because he has been so worried but I am about to have another baby will this baby ever see his father? Even now in the early morning Ciel cries in his bed saying Kack, Kack, which is all he can say of Kapocks name I would suffer any pain if it only meant I could see Kapock at the door smiling at me Im so afraid Ill never see my husbind again.

Now has been three days Kapock and Linkeree and Batta they are gonn and nobody thinks theyll come back not even me. Jason why did you go away and leave us like this? If you were here Kapock would not be dead.

Now at last with three of our best people dead even my husbind now Hux and Wien and everybody they are being good and doing wat I say and not causing argumints. Hux does not even speak to anybody he is so ashamed but I want to spit on him everytime. I stay away from him because I would spit on him every time I see him. Today we are fix three roofs that broke in places during the bad storm it was so bad that one of the yung sheep it died of the cold. Even with its wool it died oh Kapock I cant write anymore now I am Warden but I want Kapock to be Warden and hell never be.

It is five days and today Hux wont eat. I hate him but I dont want him to die we made him eat anyway. I said Hux only the good people have died and I wont let you be like them. Then he cried but he did not try to not eat or to die any other way eather.

The snow meltid a little today the sun is up and hot for winter. Today we went out looking for them to find the bodies maybe but we couldint find any tracks for the snow had coverd all of it. I

do not let myself cry at night anymore because it makes Ciel and Mun wake up and cry too and it is not good for these little ones to be unhappy when they do not even understand why.

Where Linkeree and Batta are and how we built a house.

I am Kapock and I have come back from my time in the forest with Linkeree and Batta. I have read all that my wife Sara has written, and she has written well, for the things she wrote are mostly important. She even now holds to me and cries because she is happy and tells me, Kapock, do not write that for I will seem foolish.

I said, Sara, you are foolish. It is why I love you, because I am foolish too. I cried when I came home. Ciel now says my name.

Sara has already written all things before I left and there is no need for me to add to this because she has written it well, though her writings are not always the way J has taught us to write.

I, Kapock, went into the forest and I was afraid because the snow was falling very fast and covering all the ground deeper than before and there was a wind that moved the snow so that the deep places looked like smooth ground. I called often in the darkness and the snow, but no one answered me. Then I thought to come back but I could not find the way, and as I searched I fell into a deep place and when I got out I was wet all over and very cold, and I knew I would die.

Then it was that Linkeree and Batta came to me, for they had heard my cries and by chance I was not far from the place where they were hiding. They had been afraid that I was coming to do them harm because they had burned the new house, but then they remembered that even though I was not always wise I had never tried to do them harm and they came to me.

Now this was how they had built a house: They found a place where two trees grew close to a steep hill. They cut long branches and put them between the low branches of the trees and between the trees and the hill making a roof. Then they covered it with many branches and dead leaves that they uncovered from the early snows. This way when the snow began to fall they already had a roof, and as the snow was falling they made walls out of branches leaning against the roof and they were dry. They made a small fire at the door of this house, and the wind blew the smoke away but also the heat, and even in blankets it was cold all that night.

In the day the snow still fell, but Linkeree and Batta and I decided that waiting would only make us freeze like the water of the Star River , and we must work to be warm. So Linkeree cut trees while Batta and I brushed snow from a place on the ground, even though the snow still fell, and then we moved the logs to the place and began to build walls. Linkeree and I built the walls as Batta kept sweeping out the snow. During the day the little house by the hill fell in from the snow on it, and so we hurried to finish the new house by dark, but we could not. So once again we only used the walls of the house which were about shoulder high to stop the wind, and we built a fire, and snow fell on our blankets and we were cold but the snow was not as bad as the wind, and so it was better that night and I did not freeze and neither did they.

Then the next day the snow was less, and we finished the walls, even with a door and a little door. Then we all made the roof frame out of logs and long, thin branches but we had no straw for thatch and so we used only leaves and this did well enough for this time, though water drips in many places. Also we made a door and a little door frame to cover the holes and on the third night we were warm and mostly dry.

Then I said to Linkeree, Who built this house?

You and Batta and I built it, he said to me.

Then who owns this house? I asked.

All of us, for we built it. If all of them had helped us build it, then it would belong to all of them.

This is true, I said. And now, Linkeree, I give you and Batta this house. It is no more mine, just yours and Batta's. But you must also give me something.

What can be as much as a house? asked Linkeree.

You must promise me, I said to them. You have to promise me that even though you will live just the two of you here, and will surely plant seed here and make a field just like the field at Heaven City, you will always be a part of Heaven City .

No, said Linkeree. I do not want to be a part of them.

But I said to him, This is a new thing you have done, and we did not know what to do. When you made the cloth for catching fish, none of us knew what it was for, did we?

No, he said to me.

But still it was good, and when we understood we all were made stronger and better by it. Now you also have learned from me and others. Is my woollen cloth not warm? Do you not put cloth in front of your door like I do in the summer?

But Linkeree said nothing. Then I said to him, Linkeree, my friend, you are wise like J, you think of things that no man has thought of before. We need you. But you also need us. How will you plow and plant without an ox? How will you do it without seeds? And we need you to help us make straight walls and to teach us the things you think of that have never been done before. You are part of us, and we are part of you. I said this to Linkeree.

Then he said to me, If I promise you to be part of Heaven City always, and obey, you must promise me that what I make with my own hands will belong to me and what Batta and I make together will belong to us.

And so I promised him this, even though it will surely make J angry, because I think it is more important for us to be together than it is for us to have all things equally. Yet it hurts me to write this, because it seems good to me that all men and women have things the same as each other. For now that Linkeree has his own field to plow and care for, we will be weaker, and he will be weaker, for we will not take care to put food in the mouth of our friend, but only in our own mouth. This is ugly to me.

When J comes again he will see what has happened and he will know that it is bad and he will not make me Warden anymore. I will be glad. And now I make an end of writing and I will write no more, because I do not want my children to read even this much, for it tells only of my foolishness and my children will be ashamed that I am their father, and J will be ashamed that I am his son. I make an end.

J comes in the night.

I thought never to write again, and for several moons I did not. But it is now the moon which at its ends means we will plant, and tonight J came to my house in the night.

He came quietly and commanded Sara and me to wake no one. This is what he said: Kapock, I come to see what has happened while I was in the Star Tower . But I do not want the others to know I came, for they must expect me only in the harvest moon, and not look for me at other times.

And so Sara and I promised.

Then J read all we had written. He cried twice. Once when he read what Sara wrote about J himself, and once at the end of it when I wrote. He said to me: Oh Kapock, you have done wisely, not foolishly. It was a hard choice and no one could have done better, not even me.

But I said, You could have done better, for you see into men's hearts and you would have known that Linkeree planned to burn the house, and that Hux planned to take it away from him.

And J said to me: That is true. But my power is not the power of a man, and you did all that a man could do.

And you, too, Sara, he said. You did wisely and well, and I will say the same punishment on Hux that you said, for there is nothing a man can do that is worse than what Hux did, which is to make another man do your will by striking him without thought for his life. And if a man kills another man, or a woman kills, either one, then the man or woman who has killed man or woman, he will also be killed.

And who will kill him? Sara asked.

All the people will kill him, Jason answered. This is an ugly thing, but it is the only way to keep a strong man from killing the weak who will not do his way.

I will never do it, Sara said.

But others will, J said. And I thought he looked sad as he said it.

Then J went out of the house and took me with him. The moon was not full, but it still was bright and so were the stars, and we could see for a long way. We could see even the mountains to the south, which are so far that we could never go to them.

J said to me, All of this that you can see, it is not even the hundredth part of the world.

I asked him what is the world.

He said to me, The world is round like a berry and we stand on its face. And it flies through the air.

I said to him, Is this why there is wind?

But he looked sad and said, No Kapock, for we move with it and do not feel its motion. But this I did not understand, for how can a thing move and not know that he moves?

But I asked him a question because he seemed to be ready to answer questions, and I asked him a question I had thought of often.

I asked him Who makes all these things? When you bring the Ice People from the Star Tower every year at harvest time and we feed them and teach them to walk and talk, where do they come from? And who made the Star Tower ? And the forests? For I know who made the houses and the fields, for I make them myself. And I know who makes the children and the new lambs and the calf oxen, but I do not know what makes the Ice People.

Then he said to me a story, and I try to write it as I remember it.

Once J was in the sky with 333 of the Ice People, and the Star Tower flew like a bird only faster. Then an enemy came and with one hand killed 111 of the Ice People and with the other hand made 111 more of the Ice People sleep so they could never wake up, and then with his spit the enemy made even the last 111 Ice People forget all things.

Then J killed the enemy and brought the Star Tower to this world. There are many worlds, with many people, but this world was empty, and he brought the 111 Ice People who could waken out of the Star Tower and J said that Sara and I and all the others are these Ice People.

But there are not 111 of us, I said.

There will be, he said.

But I am foolish and I asked him, J, who made the Ice People, then? And who made this world if you only found it?

Then J shook his head and laughed softly and said, God did, Kapock.

But this is not an answer, because what is God? I asked him this, but he would say no more, except this: I have told you the truth, but you cannot understand it, neither can any of the others. I will tell you only the truth that you can understand.

This is why I have written all that J said, for somewhere in what he said must be the answer to my question of who made all these things, or of what this God is.

Then J and I went inside, and he said to me that the promise I made to Linkeree and that Linkeree made to me is a good promise, and that this will be the law of all men and women: What a man makes with his own hands is his own; what many men make together belongs to all who worked. When a man owns a thing that another needs, the other must give the man something that he needs in trade for this thing, and the trade must be fair, or it is a crime.

This is a new word, which I shall teach the people. Crime. J said it means those things which if all people did them would make a man want not to live among men.

J said many other things which I will not write because he said not to. I write these things because he did not say not to, and they are important.

After many hours in the darkness J left us, and after he left Sara and I could not sleep, and so I write. But now Sara sleeps and I too can sleep, and so I make an end of writing for this time.

We plow three fields.

The plowing is done and we have plowed three fields. First the field at Heaven City , which is the first and the largest. Then the field where Linkeree and Batta now live, which is not large, but which has black soil that feels warm and that will grow much food, I think.

The third field is at the place where Linkeree built the house that later he burned. We have all built a new house there, and into it Hux has moved. And we have plowed a field with Hux, and he will live alone.

But not alone. Rather only apart from the most of us. For I saw that Hux was truly sorry for all he had done wrong, I believe that he will not let anger make him do such bad things anymore. So I called all the people of Heaven City together and asked them, one by one, saving only Linkeree and Batta, if they had any thing bad to think of Hux for anything he had done to them. And not one of them said anything bad except Sara, and she would not speak. Then I said to Hux, Neither do I have anything bad to say of you, Hux. Yet that is because no harm has been done to me.

I said to him, Linkeree and Batta are the only ones who can speak bad of you. And so I say this: Hux will be allowed to marry Ryanno and live in a new house which we all will build, but only if he asks permission of Linkeree. Then it will be Linkeree who gives Hux a house if he is to have a house. This is only right, for Hux took a house from Linkeree.

Then Hux went to Linkeree and asked him for a house, and Linkeree and Batta said, We will work with our own hands to help build you a house.

That is the house that Hux lives in now, and it has the little door just as Linkeree's own house has, and it is a good house, and when Hux and Ryanno moved into it all of us sang and there was dancing and laughing and we caught many fish and ate them because it was a good day, for even though we live in three places instead of two, we are one people.

And now tonight I thought of what J said to me that night and I think this: When J said, God made all this, he was laughing because I did not know that J made all these things, so he made up a name and said this person did it. Or maybe God is J's other name. But this I am now sure of: J brings the Ice People from the Star Tower , and he is thus the maker of the Ice People. He must also be the maker of other things, for if he can make a man whole, without it growing from a woman, he could surely make all other things. This is what I think. If I am wrong then J will think I am foolish. But then, I am foolish. Why should he not think it?

We have found another thing. The Star River is large, but it goes only a little way from Heaven City and then it flows into a great river, a river so wide that the other side looks as far away as the mountains, and the water is muddy and not good to drink. It is also deep, and a man or woman can only walk a little way and the water is up to the shoulders and the river pulls as if to sweep you away.

Now I see something that I did not know before. There are small rivers and larger rivers. Alone, the small rivers are not strong, like the Star River that we can walk across. But when the small rivers flow into the large ones, then the large ones are stronger.

This is like Heaven City, for Linkeree and Hux live apart, yet they flow into the Heaven City like the Star River flows into this big river. And so I have named the big river Heaven River , and said to the people:

Flow always into Heaven City as you see the Star River flow into the Heaven River . Then Heaven City will always be as strong as you see this great river to be.

But if you flow in different ways, like the Star River does when it splits upstream into two rivers that pass on both sides of the hill I live on, then you become weak.

Not all the people understood me, but many did.

I did not tell them that J is God who made all these things. This is a thing I will keep without telling, for it is a hard thing, and I do not understand it yet.

I am no longer afraid to be Warden. For I know that J does not expect me to act always as he would act. Rather he expects only that I act in the best way I know how to act. And this I can do. And I make an end of writing for this time.

I have thought of J as a father.

Today Ciel spoke to me and said, Father let me come. I was going to shear the sheep and he said, Father let me come.

When he said this I knew that he would someday say other things, and I felt then that someday Ciel will grow wise like the Ice People, and a son of my body may speak to me as my friends speak to me.

And then as I sheared the sheep I thought of J and knew that he is to us as I am to my son Ciel. He is wise and knows many things, all the words and all the names, what to do, when to do it, why it must be done, and what will happen if it is not. None of us knows these things, and we only say to him the things he has taught us to say. Even as I do with Ciel who cannot say all that we can say, J must long to speak to us about things that we could not understand.

I tried to tell Ciel why he could not play among the sheep, for they might hurt him for he is small, but he did not understand.

I laughed and shook my head. This is also what J did when I did not understand. Laughed and shook his head.

J is a father with all the children. He has no one he can talk to as I talk to Sara. He can only talk as I talk to Ciel, in simple words that even then are not always understood.

J is like a father, but he has neither wife nor friends nor father of his own. Or is that where he goes when he leaves us? Is there a father for him inside the Star Tower ? I do not think so, for now I realize that J always looks sad and alone, not happy like I am with my son Ciel. I think J has no one but us to talk to, and we do not understand.

But I will try to understand, so that someday when J speaks to me I will be able to answer.

Then maybe he will take me into the Star Tower and show me all the secrets there and he will teach me how to make Ice People and all the other things he has made.

Sara is reading this and she is angry. She says that I am truly foolish to think that I will ever know all that J knows. She is surely right.

But still I hope. If the Star Tower can fly like a bird, will J not take me with him into the sky? When Ciel is old enough and wise enough I will take him with me everywhere I go, and teach him everything I know. Is this surely not what J intends for us as well? And so I say to J as Ciel said to me, Father let me come.

But for now I will only try to be wise and will study how to not be foolish like a child anymore. J will know when I am ready. And I make an end of writing for this time.