Halfway to the Grave

TWENTY

T IMMIE LOOKED AT ME WITH THE MORBID fascination you’d give an unpredictable virus under a microscope.

“You’re having another pint?”

I paused with my spoon over the chocolate ice cream, raising a challenging brow.

“Why?”

He glanced at the two empty containers near my feet. Or he could have been staring at the bottle of gin balanced next to me on the couch. Whatever.

“No reason!”

It had been four days since I’d seen or spoken to Bones. Doesn’t sound that long, does it? Well, it felt like weeks. Timmie knew something was up. Out of courtesy or fear, he hadn’t asked why a certain motorcycle hadn’t been parked in our community driveway lately.

I went through the motions. Attended classes. Studied feverishly. Ate sugar and junk food until my insulin levels spiked dangerously. But I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t even stand to lie in bed, because I kept reaching out for someone who wasn’t there. I’d picked up the phone a hundred times a day only to drop it before dialing, because I didn’t know what to say.

Timmie kept me from climbing the walls. He’d come over, watch movies until all hours, talk or not talk depending on my mood, and just be there. I couldn’t have been more grateful, but I still felt alone. It wasn’t his fault that I had to pretend, monitor my speech, and otherwise mask half of myself as usual. No, that wasn’t his fault. It was mine for pushing away the one person who’d accepted me unconditionally, even with all the flaws and oddities of both my halves combined.

“It’s so true, you know,” he said, nodding at the TV. “They exist.”

“Who?”

I hadn’t really been watching, too wrapped up in my inner turmoil.

“Men in black. Secret government agents whose job is to control and police extraterrestrial or paranormal phenomenon. They exist.”

“Um,” I said disinterestedly. So do vampires, buddy. In fact, you’re sitting next to one. Sort of.

“You know, I heard this movie was based on actual events?”

I gave a cursory glance at the TV and saw Will Smith battling it out with an alien monster. Oh, Men in Black.

“Could be.” Giant alien cockroaches that preyed on humans? Who was I to scream impossible?

“You ever going to tell me why you two broke up?

That got my attention. “We’re not broken up,” I denied immediately, more to myself than to him. “We’re, ah, taking a break to evaluate things, and, um, reexamine our relationship, so…I stuffed him in a closet!” I burst out in shame.

Timmie’s eyes goggled. “Is he still there?”

His expression was classic, but my sense of humor didn’t rise to the occasion. “My mother stopped by unexpectedly on Sunday, and I freaked out and shoved him in the closet until she left. After that came the whole ‘evaluate’ thing. I think he’s getting sick of my issues, and what’s worse, I don’t blame him.”

Timmie had recovered from his earlier misassumption. “Why does your mom hate foreigners so much?”

How to explain?

“Well…you know how I said we had something in common because neither of us knew our fathers? Mine’s a little more complicated than yours is. My father was…English. He date-raped my mother, so…she’s hated Englishmen ever since. You know my boyfriend’s English, and I’m, uh, I’m half English, which she’s never been real happy about. If she finds out I’m dating someone English, she’ll, ah, think I’m turning my back on her and becoming…a foreigner.”

Timmie turned the sound down on the TV. His face twisted with indecision, and then he squared his shoulders.

“Cathy…that’s the stupidest reason I’ve ever heard.”

I sighed. “You don’t understand.”

“Look, your boyfriend scares me,” Timmie went on earnestly. “But if he treats you well and all your mom’s got against him is that he’s English, then I stick to my first response that it’s stupid. Your mom can’t hate a whole country because of one person! Everyone’s got something in them that somebody’s going to have a problem with, but your mom should be more concerned about whether he makes you happy than where he’s from.”

What he said sounded so simple! So elementary, he could have ended his sentence with, Duh. My bad example of her prejudice had broken the situation down to its most basic elements, and suddenly I realized it was that simple. Either I went through the rest of my life punishing myself for my bloodline-atoning, as Bones had noted-or I didn’t. Simple. So incredibly simple, I hadn’t been able to wrap my mind around it before.

“Timmie,” I said with absolute conviction, “you’re a genius.”

His baffled countenance returned. “Huh?”

I got up, kissed him full on the mouth, and then dashed to the phone.

“I’m calling him,” I announced. “Got any advice for apologizing? ’Cause I’m not good at that, either.”

Timmie still sat where he was, stunned. “What? Oh. Say you’re sorry.”

I grinned at him. “Genius,” I repeated, dialing Bones’s number.

He answered on the first ring. “Francesca?”

I froze, suddenly speechless. Okay, not what I’d anticipated! His voice came again a second later.

“Kitten, it’s you. I’m already on my way over. Something’s wrong.”

“What is it?” I asked, forgetting my concern over how he’d answered the phone.

“Get dressed if you need to. I’m hanging up; I have to keep this line clear. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

He did hang up before I could ask him anything further. Timmie watched me expectantly.

“Well?”

I started throwing on a sweater over my T-shirt. It was cold out. The sweatpants should be fine, but Timmie had to leave so I could get my knives. “He’s coming over, but we have to go right away. Something…something came up.”

“Oh.” Timmie got up, shuffled his feet for a second, and then blurted, “If it doesn’t work out with him, would you consider going out with me?”

I froze in the middle of putting on my shoes. Wow. Didn’t see that one coming.

“I know I’m not suave or have that bad-boy thing going on like he does, but we get along really well and your mom already thinks I’m your boyfriend, so…I’ve kind of been preapproved,” he finished gamely. “What do you say?”

That if Bones could hear you, these would be your last words.

“Timmie, any girl would be lucky to go out with you. Any girl, including me, but I’m hoping to work things out with my boyfriend, so you understand I can’t answer a hypothetical like that right now.”

I didn’t want to hurt him, and I was frankly out of my league. Turning someone down gently wasn’t my forte. Usually my form of turning someone down was shoving a stake through his heart while smirking, Gotcha!

The sound of motorcycle squealing thankfully cut off any further conversation. Timmie’s eyes widened in alarm. He bolted from my apartment with a hasty, “Good night!” while I went into my bedroom and pulled my weapons box out from under my bed. That action right there highlighted why I could never date him. It wasn’t his lack of suaveness, or the fact that I only wanted to be with the man currently striding up my steps. It was that some things could never be explained. Let alone preapproved.

I didn’t have a chance to tell Bones about my epiphany. His first words on entering my apartment took precedence.

“I think Francesca’s been caught.”

Oh, shit. Instantly I was contrite over every mean thought I’d ever had about her. “What happened?”

He paced in frustration. “She rang me two days ago, said she was getting closer to finding out who was pulling the legal strings for Hennessey. It wasn’t a judge or a police chief, but someone higher up than that. She couldn’t tell me more, she was still digging. Then ’round an hour ago she called me, and she was very agitated. Said she wanted me to pull her out, because what Hennessey was involved in went too deep. I told her I’d meet her tonight, and we were arranging a place when she said, ‘Someone’s coming,’ and the bloody phone cut off. I haven’t heard from her since.”

“Do you know where she was?”

His eyes were shooting green sparks. “Of course not! If I did, I’d be on my way there!”

I backed up at the anger in his voice. He made a constricted noise and caught me in one stride, pulling me next to him.

“I’m sorry, Kitten. This has twisted me into nastiness. I can’t imagine what would have scared her so much that she’d try to bolt, but if Hennessey caught her spying on him, it’s nothing compared to what he’ll do to her as punishment.”

Bones wasn’t exaggerating. I might not have liked Francesca, but the thought of what she could be going through right now made me sick.

“It’s all right. Don’t apologize. Look, let’s assume for a minute that it’s not as bad as it could be and start from there. If she had to get out of somewhere in a hurry and she couldn’t contact you yet, where might she go? Is there any place she’d feel safe? You know her. Try to think like she would.”

His fingers flexed on my shoulders. Not painfully, but not a massage, either. From his expression, I doubted he was even aware of it.

“She might go to Bite,” he mused. “It’s the only place in this area where there’s no violence allowed on the premises. It’s worth a shot. Will you come with me?”

I gave him a look. “You think you can stop me?”

He almost smiled, but there was too much worry on his face for it to take. “Right now, luv, I’m glad I can’t.”

The club where we’d had our first date and I was subsequently drugged bore no sign of Francesca. That same brawny female bouncer was at the door, and Bones pulled her aside and gave her his cell number in case she saw Francesca later. Next we tried the hotel where we’d met Francesca a few weeks ago. Nothing. Bones called Spade, who was still in New York, but he hadn’t heard from her, either. As the hours dragged on with no word, Bones began to look more and more grim. It was clear this wasn’t going to have a fairy-tale ending. I felt helpless.

By dawn, we’d checked the hotel and Bite again, just in case, but with no more luck. Bones’s cell hadn’t rung once. He started heading back in the direction of my apartment when he suddenly slowed his bike, pulling over to the shoulder of the road.

Up ahead a couple miles on the highway were the flashing red and blue lights of multiple police cars. What little traffic there was on the road this early was being routed into the single far lane. The other three were blocked off with flares that went all the way into the nearby trees.

“There must be an accident, we should take another way,” I began before gazing around with a feeling of déjà vu. “This place looks familiar…”

His jaw was granite as he turned around. “It should. This is where Hennessey dragged you away to bleed you. Well, not right here. Up where the coppers are.”

I stared at him and those flashing lights beyond, which now seemed more ominous. “Bones…”

“I can hear them,” he said in a flat, emotionless tone. “They’ve found a body.”

His hands were knotted into fists on the handlebars, and very softly, I nudged him.

“It might not be her. Keep going.”

He revved up the bike and pulled back onto the highway, tersely saying only not to take my helmet off no matter what. I knew he wanted to keep my features hidden. Just in case there was anyone watching.

With the reduced speed and merging, it took us over thirty minutes to reach that two-mile marker where police activity was the thickest. I heard them, too, talking among themselves, calling in the medical examiner over the squawk of the police radios, taking detailed notes on how the body was found…

Every head passing that area turned to gawk, so the officer directing traffic probably didn’t think much of the stare Bones leveled at the form on the ground that was the center of attention. I only caught a glimpse-and then my arms tightened around him.

Long black hair spiraled out from behind the policeman bent over the body. His bulk concealed most of it as he meticulously took photographs, but that hair was distinctive. And the arm partially visible was skeletalized.

I was so numbed at seeing Francesca’s remains, decomposed to her true age as they had been, that I barely noticed the weaving, erratic way Bones drove. He took back roads, gravel roads, and no roads before reaching the woods bordering the cave. If anyone had tried to follow us, they would have gotten lost ten times over. Then he effortlessly carried the bike one-handed the last two miles to cut the noise while I walked beside him. It wasn’t until we were well inside the cave that I spoke.

“I’m sorry. It’s not adequate, I know, but I am so sorry Hennessey killed her.”

Bones looked at me and a small, bitter smile twisted his mouth.

“He didn’t. Bloke would have done many, many things to her, but killing her straightaway isn’t one of them. Her body was dumped within an hour or two at most after I spoke with her. Hennessey would have kept her alive for days at least. Until he’d found out every detail of what she’d relayed to me. There isn’t one of Hennessey’s sods who would have gone behind his back and done it themselves, either.”

He wasn’t making sense. “What are you saying? Then who killed her?”

His mouth twisted further. “Francesca did. It’s the only logical explanation. She must have been trapped, saw there was no escape, so she killed herself. It would only have taken a second for her to run a silver blade through her heart, and then there’s not much they could do about it afterwards. Hennessey’s leaving her where I nearly finished him was just his way of saying he knew who she betrayed him to.”

I couldn’t imagine the ice-cold courage it must have taken for her to do that. It reminded me of the Indian who’d given Bones the cave. Deciding his manner of death was all he’d had left also. One last stand before that final fall.

“Your part is done in this, Kitten. Finished.”

His uncompromising tone whipped me out of my contemplation. “Bones,” I said gently. “I know you’re upset-”

“Bollocks.”

He seized me by the shoulders, and his voice was low and resonating.

“I don’t care how pissed you are or what you threaten me with. End our relationship, don’t speak to me again, whatever you fancy, but I will not continue to dangle you out as bait to the kind of people Francesca killed herself rather than be at the mercy of! I couldn’t bear it if it was you I was waiting for a call from that never came, or if it was your body I had to see stretched out on the sodding ground…”

He spun away abruptly, but not before I saw a pink shine to his eyes. It took away my anger at him telling me what to do.

“Hey.” I tugged softly at the back of his shirt. When he still didn’t turn around, I leaned against him. “You’re not going to lose me. Francesca was on her own, she didn’t have you shadowing her. It’s not your fault, but you owe it to her to keep after Hennessey. She gave it all she had, for her own reasons, maybe, but that doesn’t change what she did. You’re not giving up and neither am I. We’ve got to have faith. Hennessey’s going to be scared, wondering what she told you. Scared enough to get sloppy and make some mistakes. You’ve hunted him for over eleven years; you’ve never been this close before! There is no turning back, and I’m not running away because I’m afraid. We’re going to get him. We’re going to stand over him on the ground, and every greedy bastard on his team, too, and then they’ll know they were taken down by you…and your little Grim Reaper, who hasn’t met a vampire she didn’t try to kill first.”

He made a choked noise at my reference to what he’d called me in frustration that morning with Lola. Then he turned around and pulled me into his arms.

“You’re my Red Reaper, and I’ve missed you terribly.”

Despite everything going on, in that moment, hearing him say he’d missed me, I was happy.

“Bones, when I called you before-before I found out about Francesca…it was to tell you that I’d finally figured out who I was and what I needed. You told me that once I did, I shouldn’t apologize to anyone for it. So I’m not going to.”

He drew back, and his gaze was clouded with caution. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline-homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you’re okay with that, because it’s who I am and you’re what I need. I missed you every minute this week and I don’t want to spend another day without you. If my mother disowns me for being with a vampire, then that’s her decision, but I’ve made mine, and I won’t apologize or back down from it.”

He didn’t say anything for such a long moment that I grew worried. Had I been a little too honest in my self-evaluation? Granted, it didn’t sound like an ad you’d run in the personals, but I had been trying to make a point…

“Would you mind repeating that?” he said at last, another emotion replacing the strain on his face. “I’m afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I’ve longed to hear.”

I kissed him instead, so glad to be back in his arms I couldn’t stop touching him. I hadn’t realized until this moment how much I’d truly missed him, because even with the horrible circumstances of Francesca’s death, this was the happiest I’d been since he left my apartment five days ago.

Bones ran his hands over me, kissing me so deeply, I was soon out of breath. I tore my mouth away, gulping in air. He slid his mouth to my neck, tonguing my pulse and lightly sucking on it. That throb in my neck seemed to zoom southward with his actions, and I yanked at my collar to give him better access.

He drew my shirt over my head, his mouth losing contact with my neck only in the second it took him to do that. His fangs, now fully extended with desire, grazed my neck as he nuzzled me. Bones never broke my skin, no matter how passionate things got. He was so careful to stay within the boundaries I’d set for him, whereas I certainly couldn’t say the same thing. I’d drawn his blood in the throes of passion more times than I could count, but he never brought up the double standard. I wondered if he was thinking about it now, as he teased my throat the way he knew I liked it. Was he holding himself back? The ache I felt inside, that burning hunger to have him deep within me…was he feeling it also, but in a different way? Smothering it because this was a part of him I’d refused to accept, even though he’d accepted all of me?

Bones slid his mouth lower to my breasts, but I pulled him back to my neck. “Don’t stop,” I whispered, and meant it in every way.

He must have heard in my voice that I wasn’t talking about foreplay, because he stiffened.

“What are you doing, Kitten?”

“Overcoming my former prejudice. You’re a vampire. You drink blood. I’ve drunk yours and now I want you to have mine.”

He stared at me for a long moment, and then shook his head. “No. You don’t really want that.”

“Your fangs don’t scare me,” I breathed. “And neither do you. I want my blood inside you, Bones. I want to know it’s running through your veins…”

“You can’t tempt me like this,” he muttered, turning away with his fists clenched. Oh yeah, he wanted this, and I wanted to give it to him, along with everything else I’d held back.

I moved in front of him. “I’m not tempting you. I’m insisting you drink from me. Come on. Tear down this last wall between us.”

“You have nothing to prove to me,” he argued, still refusing but weakening. I could feel his hunger rise. The air around us seemed to charge, and his eyes glowed a brighter green than I’d ever seen them.

I put my arms around him, brushing my lips against his throat. “I’m not afraid.”

“But I am. I’m very afraid you’ll regret it afterwards.”

Even as he said it, his arms went around me. I rubbed against him, hearing his hiss at the friction of our skin. My teeth caught his earlobe, biting it firmly, and he shuddered.

“I want this. Show me I shouldn’t have waited so long.”

His hand brushed through my hair, smoothing it aside, and his mouth dipped to my neck. I gasped at the feel of his tongue circling my pulse in a more predatory manner than ever before. He fastened his mouth over it, sucking. Drawing the artery closer to surface and pressing on it with his sharp teeth. My heart was pounding now. Its throb must have been vibrating against his lips.

“Kitten,” he moaned into my skin. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I whispered. “Yes.”

Fangs sank into my throat. I braced for pain, but it didn’t come. A long, deep suction froze me with surprise instead. Oh! This wasn’t like before when Hennessey bit me. It didn’t hurt. On the contrary, I began to feel a delicious warmth spreading through me. It was as if our roles were reversed and the blood spilling into his mouth was feeding me as well. That heat increased, taking me down with it, and I curled my arms around his neck to pull him closer.

“Bones…”

He drank deeper, picking me up when my knees buckled. I went limp against him, shocked that every pull of his mouth felt better, until it seemed like I’d melted in his arms. Lost in the unexpected rapture.

My whole universe narrowed, encompassing only the thumping of my heart, steady panting, and the constant flow of blood connecting every part of me. I felt it like never before, understood how it was integral to each nerve ending, every cell, and contained the very essence of life. I willed it into him, wanting to fill him until he drowned in me. It seemed like I was weightless, floating, and then the warmth coating me turned to a flood of liquid heat.

Yes. Yes!

I didn’t know if I said it out loud, because reality was gone. All I could feel was that heat coursing through me, growing stronger, until my blood seemed to boil with it. Then suddenly my senses roared back into clarity. The skin covering me seemed to burst, my blood boiled erotically, and the last thing I felt was Bones tightening his grip as he drank.

When my eyes opened, I was burrowed inside the blankets. Pale arms were wrapped around me, and somehow I knew it was much later despite there being no clock to check.

“Is it dark out?” I asked, instinctively feeling my neck. No bumps, only smooth skin. How amazing that there were no visible traces despite my whole body having residual tingles.

“Yes, it’s dark now.”

I turned to face him, gasping when his cold feet touched mine. “You’re freezing!”

“You took all the covers again.”

I glanced down at myself. I was cocooned in the entire comforter. Bones only had a few scraps of the blanket as he’d spooned around me. Guess he wasn’t exaggerating.

I unwrapped myself and threw half the blanket over him, shivering as his chilled flesh touched my bare skin. “You undressed me while I was asleep? You didn’t take advantage, did you?”

“No, I took precautions,” he replied, searching my eyes. It was then that I noticed he was so tense, a single blow might have shattered him. “I stripped you and hid your clothes so if you woke up angry about what happened, you wouldn’t be able to run out without talking to me first.”

Here was a man who learned from experience. I almost smiled at the mental image of him hiding my clothes under various boulders. Then I sobered.

“I’m not angry. I wanted it, and it was-incredible. I didn’t know it would be that way.”

“I’m so glad to hear you say that,” he whispered. “I love you, Kitten. I can’t describe how much.”

My heart exploded in my chest with a rush of feeling. Tears sprang to my eyes at the ache of emotion silently screaming to be voiced.

He saw the tears. “What’s wrong?”

“You won’t stop until you have all of me, will you? My body, my blood, my trust…and still you want more.”

He knew of what I spoke and his reply was immediate.

“I want your heart the most. Above all else. You’re exactly right, I won’t stop until I have it.”

Tears began to slide down my cheeks, because I couldn’t hold the truth back anymore. I didn’t know how I’d managed to hold it back this long. “You have it already. So now you can stop.”

His whole body stilled. “You mean that?”

Uncertainty but also growing emotion filled his eyes as they bore into mine. I nodded, mouth too dry to speak.

“Say it. I need to hear the words. Tell me.”

I licked my lips and cleared my throat. It took three times, but finally my voice returned.

“I love you, Bones.”

A weight seemed to lift from me I hadn’t known was there. Funny how much I’d feared something that shouldn’t have frightened me at all.

“Again.” He started to smile, and a beautiful, pure joy filled up the emptiness I’d carried my entire life.

“I love you.”

He kissed my forehead, cheeks, eyelids, and chin, feather-soft brushes that had the impact of a locomotive.

“Once more.” The request was muffled by his mouth on mine and I breathed the words into him.

“I love you.”

Bones kissed me until my head reeled and everything tilted even though I was lying flat. He only paused long enough to whisper onto my lips, “It was well worth the wait.”