Guardians Of The Keep

CHAPTER 17

Gerick

I guess I have been scared my whole life. When I was little, I was scared of the dark, and Lucy always left me a candle or stayed with me until I went to sleep. And I was scared that when I grew up to be a soldier, I’d end up with only one arm or one leg or with my eye cut out like the men that came back from the war. But Papa told me that if I worked hard at sword training then I’d never have to be crippled like that. So I decided to train harder than anyone, though I knew I would never be as good as he was. Everyone said he was the best in the world.

Of course, I didn’t really know what being scared was until the night Lucy caught me making the lead soldiers march around Papa’s library. It was terrific fun, and I wondered why Papa hadn’t shown me how to do it earlier that evening when he’d finally said I was old enough to play with them. The idea of it came to me when I was in bed. I couldn’t sleep for wanting to try it, so I crept downstairs after Lucy had turned down the lamp and gone to bed. Mama and Papa had guests, so nobody would bother me in the library. Well, Lucy must’ve come back to the nursery to check on me that night. She ran down to the library- she was always good at guessing what I was thinking-and she saw what I was up to.

I never saw anyone so afraid. I thought she would be pleased like she was when I learned how to turn a somersault, or how to ride my horse without falling off, or how to write my name without getting ink all over. But on that night, if someone had given her a voice, she would have screamed every bit of it away again. She backed up against the door, looking like she wanted to run away, but instead she waved her arms and shook her head and pointed to the soldiers.

“But Lucy, it’s all right. Honest. Just tonight Papa told me I could use them,” I said, showing her how I could make the silver king climb over my leg.

But she wouldn’t hear anything or even move until I let them all drop down still. Then she ran over and held me tight until I thought I was going to be squashed. She was crying and rocking me like I was a baby even though I was five years old.

I didn’t like her to cry. Mostly Lucy and I had the best time. She knew lots of fun things to do, and of course because she was mute, she couldn’t yell or whine like Mama. Even if she thought I’d done something bad, she’d just show me again how to do it right and give me her “disappointed” look. I had never made her cry before. I told her over and over that I was sorry that I was out of my bed, but I just wasn’t sleepy and thought it wouldn’t hurt to play with the soldiers a while, since Papa did say I was old enough.

She acted like she didn’t even hear what I said, like she was thinking of something else altogether, something that she didn’t like at all, and she made me put the soldiers away and go back to the nursery with her. We sat by the nursery fire, and with her mixed-up way of signs and making faces and drawing pictures, Lucy told me that if anyone ever, ever saw me do anything like what I did with the soldiers, they would kill me. Even Papa.

“I don’t believe you!” I yelled at her. “You are an ignorant servant!” That’s what Mama always said when one of the servants told her something she didn’t like. “Papa loves me more than anybody. He’d never hurt me.” I turned away from her so I couldn’t see her tell me anything else, but she took me by the shoulders and marched me all the way through the castle to a room near the northwest tower. It was a girl’s bedchamber. Everything was tidy and clean, but it smelled closed up, like no one had lived there for a long time. Dolls and little carved horses sat on a shelf, and books and writing things lay on a desk. On the wall was a painting of four people: a man, a woman, a boy, and a girl. I couldn’t understand why Lucy was showing me that room, until I caught sight of myself in the looking glass that hung next to the picture. The boy in the picture could have been me, and the woman in the picture looked a lot like the portrait of Grandmama that hung in the music room.

“Is that boy Papa?”

Lucy nodded, and then pointed to the little girl in the picture and to the room we were in.

“That must be Papa’s sister, Seriana, and this is her room.”

Lucy nodded again. No one ever talked about Papa’s sister. Whenever she was mentioned, people looked upset and clamped their lips tight. I’d thought she must be dead and that it made people sad to think of her. That gave me a terrible idea. “Lucy, did someone kill Seriana for making the soldiers march?” Lucy started to cry again and bobbed her head. I didn’t ask her to explain any more, and I didn’t ask her who had done the killing. I just let her hold me for a long time and told her I really didn’t mean it when I called her ignorant. She showed me that she understood.

Only after Lady Verally came to live with us when I was seven did I learn that it wasn’t Papa’s sister that had been killed, but her baby, and that Papa had done it. I learned that the things I could do were called sorcery and that sorcery was the most evil thing in the world. Seriana’s husband had been burned alive for doing it. I didn’t feel wicked when I made the soldiers march around, or when I made the cats stay out of my room when they made me sneeze, or when I made the sharp thorns fall off the draggle bushes when I went exploring in the hills, but I knew that what Lady Verally said had to be true, because Papa would never kill anyone who wasn’t wicked.

So Lucy hadn’t been exactly right in what she told me. Some things were just too hard for her to explain in her signs and pictures. Probably she thought I was too little to understand, but she got me scared, which is what she was trying to do. From that first day she watched everything I did even closer than before. She taught me to stay away from anyone who might guess that I could do such wicked things, and how I always would have to think about everything I did and everything I said so they would never know the truth about me. I certainly couldn’t stay around Papa any more. I figured that if he could see the wickedness in a little baby, then he would be able to see it in me, too. Lucy didn’t think I was wicked, but she was not near so wise as Papa.

After that night in the library, I only felt safe when I was with Lucy. When Mama said it was time for Lucy to be sent away, because I needed a tutor rather than a nurse, I planned to run away to wherever they would send Lucy. I should have known she would find a way to stay with me. Lucy was my best friend in the whole world.

I couldn’t believe it when Seriana-Seri, she said to call her-came to live with us. Lady Verally said she’d heard that Seri had killed Papa, and that she was a witch and had stolen Mama’s senses, though everyone knew Mama didn’t have much sense to steal. I didn’t see how I was going to keep my secret if Seri was around. She would be used to sorcery and would see it in me even easier than Papa. The first time I met her, she went right to the soldiers in the library. That scared me, even though I didn’t know who she was. I wondered if she could tell what I’d done with them. So I decided that I had to get rid of her right away. Lady Verally said that Seri had come to Comigor for revenge, and I was certain that when she found out about me, she would make sure I was burned like her husband was.

But all that thinking was at first, before I started watching her. She wasn’t at all like I expected. When she told me about Papa dying… well, it didn’t sound like she hated him, even though she must have thought I was a stupid five-year-old, who couldn’t guess she was leaving out a lot of the truth. She worked hard and treated everyone with respect, even the servants and Mama. She didn’t seem vengeful, and she knew all sorts of interesting things about the weather and history and making things, and especially about Comigor. Even though I didn’t dare trust Seri, I started to wonder if maybe Lady Verally had the story wrong.

When Lucy heard that Seri had come to stay at Comigor, she was almost as scared as the night I made the soldiers march. I asked her if she thought Seri was come to kill me for revenge or if she would tell King Evard and have me burned if she found out about me. Lucy just let me know over and over that I must stay away from Seri. When I talked about Seri, she would start to cry, so I couldn’t ask all the things I wanted. And so, as the weeks passed, I didn’t tell Lucy that I had come to think that Seri might actually be a good person to have as a friend. Seri might not think I was so evil as everyone else would. Maybe she had loved her wicked husband and her wicked baby like Lucy loved me, even though they were evil and deserved to be killed. Then came the day before Covenant Day, when I found out how I’d been fooled.

I had given up watching Seri all the time. She knew about the spyholes and always guessed when I was around, though she didn’t seem to mind very much. One day when we were both up on the secret tower, she had told me that there were only a few places in the castle where there were no spyholes: Papa’s study, some of the bedchambers, the guard towers, the small reception room, the banquet kitchen, and the locked garden that had been Grandmama’s. I thought it might be fun to see if I could make spyholes for those places. Then there would be something I knew about the castle that Seri didn’t. Some of the places were too hard, and I decided I oughtn’t spy on the bedchambers, but I got up every night when everyone was asleep and worked on the others.

On the morning before Covenant Day I got up while it was still dark to work on the spyhole in the reception room. But I got sleepy and decided to go back to bed. Before I reached my room, Seri came down the stairs, bundled up in her cloak like she was going outside. I thought that was strange, as it was still at least an hour before dawn and she always took her walks in the afternoons. I followed her down to Grandmama’s garden, and used my new spyhole to watch her. For a long time it wasn’t interesting at all. She just walked up and down the paths, but she looked excited, and at every sound she would jump and look behind her.

Just at dawn, I started feeling hot and prickly all over, like the sun was coming up inside of me instead of in the sky. Then, even stranger than that, two people walked right out of the sunrise. There wasn’t a gate or a door, or any place they could have been hiding. They wore white robes, and it was clear Seri had been expecting them. She sat down with one of them, an older man that looked wild and strange. A lot of what they said I didn’t understand, but some things-the important things-I did.

Seri said, “I’d never endanger either one of you. I’m only here because I came upon an opportunity to repay my brother for all that happened.”

Repay my brother for all that happened… Revenge. Lady Verally was right.

The old man said that the younger, taller man that walked with Seri in the garden was the prince who had killed Papa. I couldn’t hear everything she said to the younger man, but there came a time when they stopped in front of a dead tree, and he lifted his hand to it. Suddenly the tree leafed out and bloomed and died again, a whole year’s worth of living all while I watched. I knew what evil could make such things happen, so I knew what evil Seri had brought to my house. Lady Verally had been right all along. A sorcerer had killed Papa. That sorcerer was Seri’s friend, and she had brought him to Comigor to finish her revenge.

I didn’t wait to see where they all went. Instead, I hurried inside so I could tell somebody what was happening. I ran to Mama’s room, but Lady Verally told me that Mama couldn’t see anyone and that it wasn’t proper to tell me why. That meant the baby was being born. Maybe Seri had persuaded the sorcerers to make this baby come early so it would die like the others.

“You won’t let Seri into Mama’s room, will you-or any strangers?” I said. “I know she’s a witch, just as you’ve told me.”

Lady Verally used my chin to pull my face up into her old, wrinkled one. “Have you seen signs of evil? We’ll send for the royal inquisitors and have them question her.” Her eyes burned.

I didn’t know what to answer. The thought of royal inquisitors made my stomach hurt. If they started looking for sorcery, then they would be sure to find me. I tried really hard not to do anything evil, but I didn’t always know what was evil and what was not. Some things just happened. That’s why Lucy always watched me so close. No, I couldn’t tell Lady Verally what I had seen, so I just said I didn’t want Seri to hurt Mama or the new baby.

“She’ll never get close, my little lambkin, and you stay away from her, too. I’m going to have her sent away from here. Captain Darzid is on his way here from Montevial. The captain helped your papa destroy that woman’s evil husband and demon child. When the captain arrives, I’ll tell him about her sneaking in here with your papa not even cold in the ground. He’ll see she’s taken away.”

I had never liked Captain Darzid. He was always putting his arm around my shoulders, asking what I was doing or what I was studying or who were my friends, and all the time watching me. If I was practicing in the fencing yard, he would lean on the wall and watch, or if I was reading in the library, he would read over my shoulder. Lots of times he would give me a particular sneaking smile as if we were special friends. I was glad when he moved away from Comigor after Papa died.

If Darzid was coming, and Lady Verally was going to set him looking for sorcery, I had to be ready to bolt. It was no use wishing I was older or bigger or better at sword fighting, so that I could protect Mama or the baby from Seri and the sorcerers. I would be doing good to protect myself. I planned to run so far away that no one would ever find me. I spent the rest of that day getting some things together in a pack: a knife that someone had lost in the fencing yard, some cold buns that I saved from breakfast, some cheese that was set out on the sideboard for dinner, a warm shirt and gloves, and five silver coins that Papa had given me the last time we went to Montevial. I argued with myself about it, but finally went to the locked case in the library and took out the green silk bag with the Comigor signet ring in it. It belonged to me now, and I might have need of it someday. I hid my pack in the cellar.

I would have gone that very afternoon, but the next day was Covenant Day, and no matter what, I had to be there. Papa would expect it of me. Some things you just have to do, even if you hate them in the worst way. I would have to sit with Seri all day, and she would pretend that she didn’t have friends that were sorcerers, and that she hadn’t brought them to Comigor to kill us all. I stayed awake all that night so they couldn’t sneak up on me.

I didn’t see how anyone could do things as right as Seri could, and yet be so wicked underneath. She tried hard to take care of the tenants in the right way, just like Papa always said we had to do, showing them how they were important and respected. By the end of the day, I was tired and confused again. But then Seri made a mistake. I was ready to drink a glass of wine with her, but she started talking about Papa and how he would be proud of me. That made me think of him and how he wouldn’t ever be there for Covenant Day again because of her and her sorcerer prince. It made me angry to know she’d brought Papa’s murderer to our house. I wondered if maybe the wine was poisoned, so I threw it at her and ran away. I felt like a coward.

When I left the great hall, I made a quick trip to my room to grab my cloak and down to the cellar to get my pack. I was ready to go except for one thing. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to Lucy. I hoped to slip in and out of her room without anyone seeing me, but the servants’ quarters were as busy as an anthill, what with Covenant Day and the baby being born and all. I had to hide in an empty room until everything quieted down. Hours passed. I could have bitten a brick in half by the time Tocano went around turning down all the lamps. Even then I gave it a bit more time just to be sure. I wished I could make myself invisible.

When I finally got to Lucy’s room, light shone out from underneath the door. Lucy never seemed to sleep very much. Whenever I came to her, she would be rocking in her chair, facing the doorway and smiling, as if she were just waiting for me to walk in. That night though, when I scratched on the door, I didn’t hear her chair creaking, or her tapping that would tell me to come in, or any other sound. I almost didn’t go in for fear of waking her. But I had to leave and I had to tell her, so I pushed open the door.

I’d never seen a dead person before, but even if there hadn’t been all the blood, I would have known Lucy wasn’t there any more. Her room had always been friendly, full of the things we played with and things we made, but on that night it just seemed dirty and cluttered. I sat beside her chair for a long time, too stupid to do anything but cry. Then I finally told myself that she wasn’t coming back, and that the ones who killed her were probably looking for me. That made me angry again, and I guess I went crazy for a while.

Seri and her friends had killed Lucy. Seri had told the old man how there was only one old woman who gave her cause to worry, and how she could “take care of her.” I wanted to hurt Seri for what she’d done. I could think of only one way to do it, because Seri only cared about one thing-Comigor. I wanted to burn the place down, but I couldn’t do it. I was the lord, so I was responsible for the house and all the people on its lands. Nothing else seemed big enough. But then I thought of a small thing that Seri would hate.

From the kitchen I stole a bag and a flint and steel. I took the bag to the library and filled it with the lead soldiers-those beastly things that had started the bad part of my life. Then, I hauled the bag up to Seri’s favorite place on the secret tower so I could burn them. Lead melts easily.

It was cold and windy on the roof. My fingers were already freezing and shaking when I untied the bag. I felt doubly stupid when I remembered that there wasn’t any wood up there either. And someone was sure to notice if I started hauling wood up the stairs. But I knew how to make things hot without any wood or oil or flint. I didn’t care if it was dangerous or evil, because there were people about who were a lot more evil than me. So I dumped the bag of soldiers in the firepit and thought about making the soldiers hot so Seri couldn’t have them anymore. The colors started turning to black, and then the arms and legs and faces melted. Pretty soon all the bodies and horses and ships and wagons sagged together. It was a silly thing to do, but it made me feel a lot better.

One more thing I had to do before I left the castle. Mama always said that noble ladies should have flowers for every special occasion, that they loved flowers more than about anything. Lucy was finer than any noble lady I ever knew, so I slipped down into the garden and made one of the lilies bloom for her. I had already done one wicked thing that night. Another probably couldn’t make me any worse. I didn’t care any more.

My boots echoed through the passageways when I sneaked back into the castle. The whole place was dark and quiet like the Comigor tombs on Desfier, so that I wondered if Seri and the sorcerers had killed everyone in the place. I didn’t dare look in any other room for fear someone would be lying there dead. I just hurried back to Lucy as fast as I could. I dragged her to her pallet and straightened her out so she would rest more peaceful, then I knelt down beside her, smeared some of her blood on my hand, and said, “I swear I’ll remember you forever, and when I’m a man, I’ll find the ones who did this to you and make them pay for it. On your blood and the honor of the House of Comigor, I swear it.” Then I laid the flower on her.

“And do you know who’s responsible for this reprehensible deed, Your Grace?”

I almost fell down onto Lucy I was so surprised. Captain Darzid was standing in the corner right behind me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, trying not to sound scared.

“I’ve come to see your mother, but as she’s indisposed, I thought to look in on you. You’re not easy to find. So what’s happened to this sad person?”

“This is my old nurse, Lucy. She was… feebleminded. I don’t know why anyone would hurt her.”

“Lucy?” Darzid knelt down beside me and looked at Lucy. “Your name for the nurse… of course. The poor woman must have been terrified to see your aunt return to this house. Probably expected this to happen every day since. Sometimes the past will not leave us alone.” He acted like he wasn’t even surprised.

“But Lucy never did anything to anyone.”

“You know about your Aunt Seri? That she was married to a sorcerer.”

I didn’t look at him. “Yes. King Evard burned him. And I know that Papa killed her baby so another wicked sorcerer wouldn’t live in the world.”

“Yes… well. You know a great deal, it seems. Have you become friendly with your aunt since she’s come to Comigor? Gotten to know her well?”

“No. She is wicked and condemned. She doesn’t belong here. Papa wouldn’t wish it. I don’t speak with her.”

Darzid smiled at me in that way I hated, like he was my friend and no one else was. “Of course, very wise. Well, there was a time during all of that unpleasantness about her husband, when it was necessary that your aunt be confined to the palace in Montevial. She was very well treated. Your father saw to that, for he hoped she would come to see the terrible evils she had done-allowing sorcery to exist in this world where it had no place-mortal men taking the power that belongs to the gods alone. During those months your aunt was given a serving sister to wait on her-”

“Lucy!”

“Yes. This very same woman. I saw her there several times.”

“No wonder Lucy said-”

“Said? Was not the woman a mute?” The captain drew his forehead up so tight he looked like he had only one eyebrow.

“She could talk with signs and pictures. She couldn’t read or write, but she could draw really fine. I could always understand her.”

“I’m sure you could. And what did she tell you about your aunt?”

“She didn’t want to talk about Seri, and she wouldn’t leave her room any more after Seri came, so I just thought she must be afraid of her.”

“Your aunt holds a great hatred for those who called her to account for her crimes, including everyone who was involved in her captivity. Ask her about me and you’ll see it. I don’t think she distinguishes between those like your father and me who were in authority, carrying out our responsibilities to the king and the law, and those, like Lucy here, who were caught up in the situation unwittingly.”

“Lucy was the best person in the world.”

“No doubt. You must watch yourself carefully when your aunt is about. In fact… seeing this, I’m inclined to stay with you through this night. After tomorrow she’ll have no way to harm you. I’ve brought exciting news that will ensure your future and place you under King Evard’s special protection.”

“Can you take Seri away now? Can you have the king punish her for killing Lucy?”

“Unfortunately not. She’s managed to cloud the eyes of the king in some way, and I don’t think he’ll deal with her unless we can prove her crime. He won’t believe she’s done murder.”

“What if she had someone else do it?”

Captain Darzid raised his black eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“I saw her with two strangers yesterday, sneaking about the garden. I wondered if they could have helped her.”

“What were they like, these two?”

“One was short and wild-looking and had a strong voice. He wore a robe like a priest, only it was white. The other one was taller and younger, and-”

Darzid gripped my arm really hard, and said, “This is very important, boy. The names. Did you hear any names?”

Names. That had been very odd. Seri and the old man had called the younger man several names. “I didn’t hear the old one’s name. But the other one… They called him Dinatheel or something like that, and-”

“D’Natheil? Is that what it was?”

“Yes, but I’m not exactly sure that was his name, because they called him something else, too.”

“Which was?”

“Karon.”

“Karon!”

It isn’t often that you can tell a grown-up something he never expected to hear, but that’s what I had done with Captain Darzid. He jumped up like he had a wasp in his shirt.

“You’re sure of that?”

“They called the man both names, so I didn’t know which one was right. The old man said he was the one who killed Papa.”

“Oh, yes. That’s most certainly true, but the names… if true… Dassine, the wily bastard, kept D’Natheil hidden for so long. What could he have done?” The captain was only halfway talking to me. “What else was said? Did they know you were listening?”

“I was hiding. They said a lot of things I didn’t understand.”

“I’ve no doubt of that. The possibilities are intriguing… most intriguing… and very dangerous. Everything could be changed.” He looked at me in a very different way than before. “I believe you are in grave circumstance here, Your Grace. I think perhaps we should get you away immediately.”

“What about Mama and the baby?”

“D’Natheil will not care about them. It’s you he’ll want.”

“For revenge? For Seri’s revenge?”

“Yes, certainly… for Seri’s revenge. It’s very complicated. Those two are not ordinary men, even for sorcerers.” He pulled me over beside him and put his arm around my shoulders. “You must come with me. I can take you somewhere where you’ll be safe. Then you can tell me everything they said, and I can explain a few things to you. We wouldn’t want these murderers to get away with such foul deeds as this, would we?”

I didn’t like Darzid. I didn’t want to be around him when he was thinking about sorcery. He knew about Seri’s friends and what they were. But the night was about gone, and I had to get away. He could take me farther than I could get on my own. I would just have to leave him before he found out about me. I looked at Lucy, lying there all bloody, and decided that I would rather go with Papa’s friend who carried a sword than stay with the ones who did such a thing to her.

So the two of us slipped out of the house in the quietest hour. Darzid put me behind him on his great black horse, and we rode into the clear, freezing night. It seemed like forever that we galloped, and I thought my hands would freeze from holding onto Captain Darzid’s waist, but eventually I fell asleep. In my dreams a wolf howled to the full moon that shone pale and cold over the snowy hills.