Gates of Rome

CHAPTER 22

2001, Barnes amp; Noble, Union Square, New York

‘This is not the historical reference section, Liam.’

‘What? Uh…’ Liam looked up guiltily from the comicbook in his hands. ‘Oh hi, Bob, I wondered where you got to.’

‘I have been waiting in the historical reference section for twenty-nine minutes.’ Bob looked at the label at the top of the spinning carousel. ‘ Graphic novels? You will not find relevant or useful texts in this section. I have located the computer technology section at the — ’

‘You should have a look at these!’ Liam flicked through several pages. ‘I never really took any notice of the cartoons in the Cork papers. Thought they were for children, or fools who couldn’t read proper.’ He handed the comicbook to Bob. ‘But this…’ he said, grinning, ‘it’s properly amazing, so. Look at them pictures.’

Bob looked at the cover of the one Liam passed him. ‘ Judge Dredd?’

‘Aye. And the hero fella, this Dredd, he looks just like you: all muscles and chin and no bleedin’ smile. You could be his twin!’

Bob’s contemplative scowl remained as he scanned several pages. ‘You cannot see this character’s face. He is wearing a helmet.’

‘Hey, we could dress you up like that. Eh? Get you one of them big motor bicycles and you could ride round the city being all grumpy.’ Liam nudged him. ‘What do you think about that?’

Bob handed the comicbook back to him. ‘This is not relevant reading material.’

‘Well… we’re on strike, are we not? I fancy something a little bit more fun to read.’ He stuck the comicbook under his arm and flipped through a few more. ‘This stuff is all so fun… and look! This one’s got a big grumpy fella who dresses like a bat, so he does!’ Liam giggled. ‘I love it!’

‘This is not useful or relevant reading material.’

He pulled another one out and silently flipped through a dozen pages, grinning at the illustrations. ‘Ah now, will you look at this one. Right up your street, so it is.’

Bob looked at the cover. ‘ 2000AD: Robo-Hunter. ’ He shook his head disapprovingly. ‘It does not depict cybernetic technology accurately.’

‘Aw, come on, Bob. It’s just a bit of fun.’ Liam patted him. ‘I’m having this one as well.’ He looked up at Bob. ‘How much money have we got?’

‘Maddy gave us ninety dollars.’

Liam nodded. ‘Enough for another couple, do you think?’

‘Negative, Liam. You have enough money to purchase one more comicbook, if you still also wish to purchase a hot dog afterwards.’

They were out on 5th Avenue, ambling north in the general direction of Central Park. Hot dogs on the grass in the midday sun — that was the plan. A bit of ‘lads-together-time’ was Liam’s justification for blagging some petty cash from Maddy.

Liam was already eagerly leafing through the glossy coloured pages of Judge Dredd. ‘Ah, this Dredd fella’s such a cool customer, so he is.’

Bob strode along beside him thoughtfully. ‘Define cool customer.’

‘Well… he just seems so calm. See, look at his mouth. It’s always the same… not screaming or laughing or anything. Just like this.’ Liam pressed his lips together firmly into a passable approximation of humourless stoicism. ‘I wish I could be like that. Calm. Firm. You know? In charge of things. No fear.’

‘You are able to do many expressions with your face, Liam. Why would you want to limit yourself to only being able to do one?’

‘Well, I got a terrible feeling that I spent most of the last few months with me gob hangin’ open like a barn door.’

Which was probably true. It seemed if he wasn’t utterly confused by events going on around him, then he was busy being utterly terrified by them.

‘Mimicking human facial expressions is one thing I find difficult to do convincingly,’ said Bob. ‘Becks managed to be far more effective at this.’

‘Ah, but you see that’s part of your charm, Bob, being the surly ol’ lump that y’are.’

‘It is, however, one of my goals to appear more human than that.’

‘Goals?’ Liam looked up at him. ‘You actually have a personal goal?’

Bob nodded. ‘Affirmative. Between mission specifications there is the ongoing imperative to improve the efficacy of my on-board AI.’

‘Now see… when you said “goal”, you actually sounded a lot more like a human just then.’ Liam laughed. ‘Then you went and ruined it with all that mission specification nonsense.’

They walked in silence for a while. ‘May I ask you a question, Liam?’

‘Aye. Sure.’

‘Do you have… personal goals?’

He frowned. ‘Well, there’s a question and a half… hmmm.’ Since being snatched from certain death at the bottom of the Atlantic all those months ago it seemed his mind had been double-timing to catch up on events. To learn about this world of 2001; to learn about nearly a hundred years’ worth of twentieth-century history and technology. His mind had been so swamped with absorbing new information it seemed there was little time or space inside his skull for such petty things as… a personal goal, a wish, a hope. Even a comicbook.

‘For example,’ continued Bob, ‘would you like to return to your own time, Liam?’

Liam shook his head. ‘I got the job on the Titanic so’s I could escape home. Wanted to see the world, to visit America and all that.’

‘You have seen many things now, Liam.’

Liam laughed. ‘More than I bargained for, I’d say.’

‘So you currently have no goals in your mind?’

‘To stay in one piece, that’s a pretty important one for me.’

Bob nodded. ‘Affirmative. That is sensible.’

‘I’ll tell you one thing I wouldn’t mind, though, Bob.’

‘What is that, Liam?’

He stopped, stepped aside to let a pair of young women pushing double baby buggies pass by; both of them were yapping on their phones, taking the whole pavement between them, oblivious to the disgruntled pedestrians in their wake.

‘I wouldn’t mind going back to Nottingham.’ He smiled wistfully. If there was one abiding memory he was always going to treasure, it was waking up with the sun streaming into his bedchamber. Stepping out on to the balcony and surveying the city stirring to life; the smell of woodsmoke, the morning chorus of cockerels, the swooping of swallows around his keep… and knowing he was lord — albeit temporarily — of all that he surveyed.

‘That was a good time, wasn’t it? You and me in charge of things?’

Bob nodded. ‘We worked efficiently together.’

‘That we most certainly did.’

He gazed at the shop window beside him; a mobile-phone store, the window peppered with deals on call tariffs and unlimited texts.

‘Ahhh, yer eeejit!’

‘What is the matter, Liam?’

‘I forgot to turn me bleedin’ thingamajiggy on again.’ He fished deep into his trouser pocket for the mobile phone Maddy had issued him with. He was always forgetting to switch the infernal thing on. He was in for a moan from her if she’d tried his number without any luck. He fumbled with the tiny buttons and finally the small screen flickered to life.

Seven missed calls.

And all of them from her.

Oh, great.

He quickly dialled her number and she picked up on the first ring. ‘C’mon, Liam! What’s the point in you having a freakin’ phone if you never turn the thing on!’

‘Ahh… I’m sorry, Mads, really sorry. I was just — ’

‘Get home now!’

‘Why? What’s up?’

‘Just get back here now! We’ve got a problem!’