Future Lovecraft

TRI-TV By Bobby Cranestone

Commercial

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Enjoy sports, or live TV shows from around the Solar System, the Dark Zones, or from anywhere in our 15 million subscribed systems.

See your favourite shows like The House of Nouth, The Literary Circle, or the famous Extraterrestrial Cook Book.

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Enjoy it now….

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Sports: Mad Head Rally in the Mars Arena

Kevin Haggerty speeds forward on his shoggoth, Marley. He passes Nos. 4 and 13 and enters just into the 42nd round. That’s what I call “his olde self”. After his longtime absence, there were some who believed in his retirement. After the rumours of doping his shoggoth, he had taken some time off, but I say nonsense…A guy like Haggerty doesn’t need to cheat. What’s that! Collis draws close to challenge the previous year’s champ, but Haggerty and Marley show him only a cloud of cold dust….

That’s sports; that’s….

*switch*

The Literary Circle

Our guests today are the ghouls clmck, chrmk, mkrmnm, and Dr. Nrmckmnpf. Dr. Nrmckmnpf is winner of the Sacred Leaf of Irem—the City of Pillars—the Max donated by the Venus Foundation and the Pulitzer Prize 2228.

Today, we will discuss the new translation of the Necronomicon into Sanskrit, Die Unheimlichen Kulten of Van Junzt and the classic, My world is your world—what are you gonna do with it?

*switch*

Welcome to the new issue of the Extraterrestrial Cook Book. Today, we will prepare a tasty meal for four and what we need are 100 grams of mushrooms, five kilograms of Stegosaurus kotelett, five mint leaves, four juicy tomatoes, one mouldy yoghurt, and three Old Ones. You’ll ask, “Four Persons, will three Olde Ones be enough?” You’ll see there will be enough left, even to prepare a dessert.

We start cutting the mushrooms and the mint leaves. The tomatoes are cooked over a low flame, while we give the Stegosaurus koteletts a hearty dance in the fire; five hours will be enough. Just stop when all the liquids are gone and the meat has a nicely black crust.

We take the tomatoes from the fire, then, as prepared, peel them and push them through a sieve. We put mushrooms, mint and tomatoes into a cooking pot, add the yoghurt, and let it steam.

Now, over to the Olde One heads. Rather tough is this stuff, I can tell you. We use, therefore, a pinch of robust korund and open the heads from the flipped-up underside, starting from the middle to the starpoints. We do this five times…and again. I prepared this for you. After removing the ganglia system…Don’t waste ‘em; this will make a wonderful desert served with cream and strawberries…you can have a good look at the brains, light-blue and semi-liquid to the touch, just as they should be.

Now we fill our mushroom/mint/tomatoes tart into the head, chop the koteletts into cubes of seven-inch length, and add them, decorated with a blossom. This won’t even just be a heaven for the tongue, but for the eye, as well….

Enjoy!

*switch*

The Literary Circle

*glibber glibber knugk* (subtitles, English translation)—In your opinion, does the new issue lack its former esprit? It’s charmless….”

*glibber knk glib gnub*—“Just the opposite. I believe that the Sanskrit translation is another step to a better understanding of what we call acceptance of….”

*gnib*—“Acceptance of what?”

*glib glib glib*—“Of the art, as such, what it means to adjust to the deeper sense of life.”

*gub brb blrb*—“I always hear ‘acceptance’; what about the practical advantage?”

*gub blb grb*

*knub*

*gub kn brurb*

*switch*

The topic of today:

“More freedom for the Dholes”

An assemblage of the seven leading races has come together to discuss the petition of the Dholes to have more rights on their planet, Yaddith. The problem is that the race of the Nug-Soth also lives there and that the petition also includes a plea for a healthy lifestyle and nourishment, which concerns all the other races also living on this planet, because they usually are the nourishment of the Dholes. We welcome historian Zkauba of the much-honored guild of Yaddith wizards, astro-sociologist Dr. Arthur Peterman, the Tolero Brothers, Dr. Rosa Vanderman (who is a specialist on the physiology of both Dholes and Nug-Soth), Kyle Feld from the United Army of Planet Earth, philosoph Ka-run Nuats, and the Blateleys from Wichita. Also, do we heartily welcome Dhole 7459/K.

7459/K, please start with your arguments. You’ll have the first word….

*switch*

Soap Opera

Klimax Group proudly presents: The House of Nouth

In this episode: Will Zathatera face new troubles? Just released from jail—after he found out that his mother is, in truth, his father and a vegetarian—he accidentally killed his estranged parent and an innocent neighbour, while on drugs during a fishing holiday. What he doesn’t know is that his mother/father isn’t truly dead, but subscribed to a Malaysian dance troupe, while his neighbour…is truly dead.

But he won’t have any rest. Unhappy, he tries to interfere in the marriage of his stepdaughter, Althera…Will he succeed?

We press thumbs.

*switch*

Now, you simply break the three legs off, and fill the beetle with the garlic and a bit of Croni liquor…I’ve just prepared this….

*switch*

*glb glib*

*brb brb*

*switch*

Haggerty and Marley are close to the hing straight. The decision must come now….

*switch*

The Dhole seems restless. After the argument with historian Zkauba, he/she/it seems to be losing ground. The sympathies of the public are clearly on the side of the natives, as the voting shows….

The new single by the Alhambra Flutes….

…accompanied by the Tolero Brothers….

“You just can’t catch me…but if you did, I wouldn’t care.”

Gardening with Modern Cybernetics

The secrets of unique blossoming, and colours simply from out of this world, revealed by the Ythians.

Make your neighbour rip his head off!

Crime on Io

Seven Mooncats and a youngish Zook are dead, but who’s the victim?

Documentary: Delve with us into the ruins of Ib and rediscover astonishing revelations of an unknown past.

If you call now, we’ll even add this useful pincer at the price of only 30 Crex!

Chemistry for Kids

Part 1—How to build a door between the worlds.

Part 2—Nitrogen bombs in three easy steps.

The News

The price of energy decreases, due through the find of a new crystal specimen on Venus.

Headhunting Live

Who will catch the criminal on the run? Call now…McCarty and his team of Old Ones are, as usual, prepared…This ain’t fun for the juvenile nightgaunt.

Opera

Dubbed in Ancient Egyptian and Modern English.

Kla (Hero): What do you want of me?

Ste (Heroine): Kill him.

Kla: I cannot do this.

Ste: Kill him.

Kla: Don’t tempt me, dearest; don’t tempt me.

The Dhole broke free! It’s rampaging through the conference room. The assembled are panic-stricken. It’s breaking down the door and moves out of sight.

Wait for more breaking news.

Only metres remain between Haggerty and the final. But what now? A Dhole enters the racecourse. It squeezes two participants into the corners and keeps aiming at Haggerty, simply sweeps him away….

What a tragic ending of a gorgeous day in sports….

News: Dhole heading for the Portal.

News: Energy prices slightly increasing.

*glrb nub?*

*grub clrb?*—“What does the Dhole here?”

*knub crlb*—“Take that for breaking my headstone!”

“Out of my kitchen! Oh, no, the dessert!”

Chemistry for Kids

“The portal works and, as suspected, it reveals a Dhole…a Dhole?! Argh!”

“It’s getting at the bomb!”

“Well observed, Mickey!”

BOOOMB!

News: Studio Five has mysteriously exploded. Tragically, it also caught an energy depot close by…Stay tuned for more news.

News: Prices for energy high as never before!

Opera

“What do you want me to do?”

“Kill, kill, kill!”

*switch*

Snow

*switch*

*switch*

Shut down due to maintenance.

Stay tuned.

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