Flesh

CHAPTER THREE

A few classes were still in session and Bennet Hall had terrible acoustics that seemed to magnify every sound—especially on the stairways—so Alison climbed to the third floor with excessive caution, holding onto the old, wooden banister to keep herself steady.

Alison knew she was early.

She couldn’t help it.

She’d tried to stay away until four, but Chaucer let out at two and she had no classes after that on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and it just isn’t easy, killing two hours. The walk home only used up ten minutes. Neither of her roommates were there. Too bad. A conversation with Celia or Helen would’ve been good for making the time pass.

She’d tried to study, but couldn’t concentrate. Not on the book, anyway. Just on the clock, the minute hand of which seemed to move one space every ten minutes. If she could just take a nap and wake up at a quarter to four…So she set her alarm clock and stretched out on the bed. Sure, sleep. She shut her eyes, folded her hands on her belly, and tried very hard. It was no use. She couldn’t even lie still, much less sleep. Finally, she gave up on the idea, folded her waitress uniform into her flight bag, added a paperback, and left.

She had reached Bennet Hall at 3:20. That was early, even for her—a whole fifteen minutes earlier than her arrival time on Tuesday. So she took her usual seat on a concrete bench that encircled the broad trunk of an oak tree, and tried to read. Watched a squirrel eat a nut. Watched a couple of yelling lower classmen, probably frosh, toss a Frisbee around. Watched Ethel Something stroll toward the library holding hands with Brad Bailey. Tried to read. At last, it was ten till four. She couldn’t wait any longer. Besides, she told herself, the class might let out early.

So she entered Bennet Hall and made her way as quietly as possible to the third floor. The hallway was deserted. She heard the slow tapping of a typewriter from a faculty office, and a few faint voices drifting into the hall from open classroom doors.

She stopped near the open door of the last classroom on the left. The students were out of sight, but her position gave Alison a clear view of Evan.

She’d been with him only last night, but she felt as if far too much time had gone by since then. Too much time with a hollow ache in her chest. The ache didn’t go away. It seemed to get worse.

Come on, Alison thought. Dismiss the class.

Apparently, Evan hadn’t noticed her arrival. He was looking forward, probably at the student who was asking about a minimum length requirement for the term papers.

“It should,” he replied, “be like a young lady’s skirt—short enough to keep one’s interest but long enough to cover the essentials.”

A few of the students chuckled.

“But how long does it have to be?” the voice persisted.

Evan arched an eyebrow. Alison smiled. He was so cute, acting the pedant. “Fifteen pages minimum.”

“Is that typed?” inquired a different voice.

“Typed. Black ink. White paper of the 81/2-by-11-inch variety. Double-spaced. One inch margins all around. If possible, refrain from using erasable paper—it makes my fingers sticky.”

They were freshmen. Probably taking notes on his every utterance.

Evan folded his arms. He was standing in front of his desk, its edge pressing into his rump. Taking off his wirerimmed glasses, he asked, “Any more questions?” While he waited, he wiped the lenses on a lapel of his corduroy jacket. Without the glasses, his face looked bare and somehow childlike. He put them back on and became the scholar again. “No? Your assignment is to read pages 496 through 506 in Untermeyer and come to class on Tuesday prepared to astonish me with your knowledge of Mr. Thomas’s craft and sullen art. You are dismissed.”

Alison stepped away from the door. There was no stampede to leave the classroom. The students took their time departing, some coming out alone, others in groups of two or three. The bell rang. More students wandered out. Alison waited impatiently, then peeked around the door frame.

A girl in the fourth row was still in the process of stacking her books on top of her desk. Finally, she stood, cradled the precarious pile, and strolled toward the front. “Have a nice weekend, Mr. Forbes.”

He grinned. “I shall spend the weekend continuing my quest for naked women in wet mackintoshes.”

“Huh?”

“Have a nice weekend, Dana, and Friday, too.”

Alison entered the room. The girl stepped around her and was gone.

“Naked women in wet mackintoshes?” Alison asked.

Evan grinned. He slipped a book into his briefcase. “A line borrowed from Mr. Thomas.”

“Your friend Dana will think you’re daffy.”

“Daffiness is expected from English instructors.”

Alison shut the door and went to him. He latched his briefcase, turned to her, and stared into her eyes.

“How you been?” she whispered. Her throat felt tight.

“Lonely.”

“Me, too.” She eased herself against him, arms moving beneath his jacket, head tilting back, lips waiting for his mouth.

He kissed her. He pressed her body closer and she snuggled against him. This was what she wanted, what she had longed for since last night—being with him again. If it could only go on and on. If they could only go from here to his apartment and be together, make love, eat supper, spend the evening and the night. But it couldn’t be that way, and the knowledge was a whisper of regret that tainted the moments in his embrace.

Alison ended the kiss.

She pressed her mouth to the side of his neck, squeezed herself hard against him, then lowered her arms and slipped her hands into the rear pockets of his corduroy pants. “It feels so good,” she said.

“My ass?”

“Just holding you.”

“The clothes get in the way.”

“It’s still nice.”

“Nicer still would be naked on the floor.”

“Undeniable.”

“How about it?” His hands went to her rump. They cupped her buttocks through her skirt, squeezed.

“Not a chance.”

“Give me one good reason.”

“The door doesn’t have a lock.”

“Aside from that.”

She smiled up at him. “Isn’t that enough?”

“A minor detail.”

“You think so, do you?”

“It would be well worth the risk.”

“No way, pal.”

“A coward dies many times…”

“And discretion is the better part of valor.”

“Methinks the lady doth not want to screw.”

With a laugh, Alison pushed herself away from him. “Walk me to work?”

“Well, I don’t know. One good turn deserves another, and…” He shrugged.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Nobody’s going to come in here.”

“How do you know?”

Evan reached out and opened the top button of her blouse. He started for the next button. Alison took him by the wrists and pushed his hands away. “I said no. I meant it. This isn’t the time or the place.”

He pressed his lips into a tight line and breath hissed from his nostrils. “If you say so,” he muttered.

Alison looked into his eyes. His gaze, which before had seemed so deep and searching, now had a blankness to it as if something inside him had shut down and he no longer saw her at all.

He turned away. He opened his briefcase and took out a fat manila folder.

“Evan…”

“I guess I’ll stay here for a while. I’ve got some papers to grade. Besides, I want to see if anyone comes in during the next half hour or so. Call it curiosity.”

Alison stared at him a moment longer, not wanting to believe he was doing this to her. Then she walked to the door.

“Come on, Alison, what’s the big deal?”

She didn’t answer. She left.

In the corridor, then on the stairs, she expected Evan to hurry after her. He would apologize. I’m sorry, it was a stupid idea. I shouldn’t have brought it up.

By the time Alison pushed her way through the main door, she knew he wasn’t going to run after her. He’d meant it. He was staying. Still, she kept glancing back as she crossed the lawn.

How could he do something like this?

Evan had walked her to work almost every day during the past two weeks. A couple of times, he couldn’t do it because of meetings or something. But this—this was just spite.

A punishment.

Because she wouldn’t put out.

Put out. What an ugly term.

Put out or get out.

All day, she had been looking forward to seeing him. A hug and kiss in the classroom, holding hands as he walked her to the restaurant. Talking, joking, just being with him. And both of them knowing that he would meet her after work, that they would walk to the park or back to his apartment and then he would be inside her.

Not today, folks.

The sidewalk was blurry. She wiped her eyes, but they filled again.

If it was that important to him, maybe…it shouldn’t be that important. What’s the big deal? Well, it was obviously a very big deal to him.

I’m suddenly the bad guy ‘cause I won’t let him screw me on the classroom floor.

And you thought he loved you.

Well, think again.

He loved you all right—he loved putting it to you, that’s what he loved.

Goddamn him.

Alison rubbed her eyes again. She sniffed and wiped her nose, and stopped at the curb. Gabby’s was only a block away. She didn’t want to walk in there crying.

She didn’t want to walk in there at all.

Not today.

She wanted to shut herself inside her bedroom and stay there. And sleep, and forget.

But when the traffic signal changed, she stepped off the curb and continued toward the restaurant.

Maybe he’ll show up later on, meet me at closing time just as if nothing had happened.

What then?

She walked past Gabby’s, glancing in through the windows. Only a few of the booths were occupied. Still too early for the supper crowd. She hoped it would be a busy night, busy enough to keep her from having time to think.

The entrance was on the corner. She pulled open one of the glass doors. It seemed heavier than usual. Inside, she managed a smile for Jean who was heading her way with a tray of empty beer steins.

“Early today,” Jean said.

All she could do was nod.

“You all right?”

“I’ll be okay.”

Jean stepped up close to her. “You need to talk, you give me a holler. I raised three girls, and it weren’t always rosy, let me tell you. But you just name me a problem, you can just bet your tush I’ve run into it one time or another.”

“Thanks.”

“Get on along, now.” Jean moved her head a fraction to the left. Taking the cue, Alison looked over Jean’s left shoulder. “Careful Prince Charming don’t follow you into the john.”

Prince Charming sat alone at the last booth.

“Trying to cheer me up, are you?” Alison asked.

Jean winked and stepped around her.

Alison tried not to look at Prince Charming, but couldn’t help glancing his way as she hurried toward the rest room. He was hunched over the table, pulling and twisting a long greasy hank of black hair in front of his face. Pasty skin showed through a hole in the shoulder of his gray sweatshirt. The sweatshirt looked as if he’d been wearing it for months.

A bowl of vegetable soup was on the table under his face.

Lucky Jean, getting to serve him.

Was he trying to wring something out of his hair and into the soup?

Alison averted her eyes. She caught a whiff of him as she rushed by.

Thank God he didn’t look up at her.

She entered the rest room and locked the door.

Prince Charming, at least, had succeeded in taking her mind off Evan.

Evan.

The hurting started again.

If I want to feel bad, she thought, I should trade problems with Prince Charming out there.

She hoped he would be gone by the time she finished.

She put on her makeup slowly. Then she draped her skirt and blouse over the door of the toilet stall and opened her flight bag.

Most of the other waitresses wore their costumes to work. Alison didn’t like to wear hers on the streets, and especially not on campus. The yellow taffeta skirt was several inches too short and had a dainty, frilly-edged apron sewn to the front. The short-sleeved, matching blouse had her name stitched in red over the left breast. The fabric of both, thin enough to see through, had obviously been selected by someone who wanted to give the male customers an extra treat.

Alison put on a short slip, then the costume.

She folded her street clothes. Spreading open her flight bag to put them away, she saw her toothbrush and black negligee.

For later.

For Evan’s place.

She might as well have left them home.

Squeezing her lower lip between her teeth, she stuffed her clothing into the flight bag and zipped it shut.

She stepped out of the rest room.

Prince Charming was gone.

My lucky day, she thought.