E.Godz

Chapter Thirteen

"You told the Reverend Everything what?" Teddy Tumtum demanded, button eyes fairly bugging out of his squishy fabric skull.

"I told him that I was thinking about quitting," Peez replied in a calm voice. "You know: giving up on the competition for backing, letting the chips fall where they may as far as who gets to run the company after Mom— I mean, who gets to run the company next. Why are you acting like it's such a big deal?"

She had rented a car at the airport and was driving to the prearranged meeting spot that Sam Turkey Feather had proposed, deep in the heart of a Tucson shopping mall. His choice of rendezvous had puzzled Peez, but only for a little while. She no longer bothered herself over the possible hidden agendas of everyone she encountered. If Edwina could have known, she would have been so proud of her little girl: Peez was finally learning to go with the flow.

Not so Teddy Tumtum. The only flow the little stuffed bear might conceivably go with was a river of blazing lava a mile wide, oozing its way down Mt. What-the-hell?! Peez had taken him out of the carry-on bag and strapped him into the passenger's seat beside her, hoping that the scenery would distract him. He hadn't been civil since the instant she'd told him about all that he'd missed during her visit to the Immersionarium.

"I knew it," the bear said, gazing up at the roof of the rental car as if it were about to split open so that the angels of mercy might reach in and snatch him away, ending his misery. "I knew this would happen if I closed my eyes for one second. I blame myself."

"Stop that; you sound like a stereotypical Jewish grandmother," Peez said gently. "Anyway, you can't close your eyes."

"But I can take a time-out," Teddy Tumtum argued. "Especially if some people I could mention pack me headfirst all the way at the very bottom of their carry-on bag, where old breath mints go to die, and leave me there, alone, in the dark. Oh, it's no better than you think I deserve, I'm sure. After all, what have I ever done for you? Just given you years and years of unconditional love and support and guidance is all! Helped you, counseled you, kept you from making an idiot of yourself more times than I can count on these threadbare old paws of mine. Look at these pads! Just look at them!" He stuck out his fuzzy arms and gave her an imploring look.

"What's wrong with them?" Peez asked the question even though she knew she'd regret it.

"Wrong? Nothing ... if you like rags! When I was first confected, these paws were suede! Now what are they? Tattered and frayed, worn down to chiffon, do you hear me? To chiffon! Would it kill you to pick up a needle and thread, give them a stitch here, a stitch there, maybe even applique a fresh set of pads onto them? But no. That you don't have time for. But for quitting, for giving up, for throwing in the goddam towel, for that you've got all the time in the world! For that you make time!"

Peez sighed. "Right now I'm tempted to ask directions to the Grand Canyon and drive us both over the edge," she said. "That's sure as hell where you're driving me. I don't know why you're carrying on like a crazy thing: I said I changed my mind. Or did you just stop listening to me at the point where you could start hollering your lint-filled head off for no good reason? Read my lips: I'm not going to quit the battle for the company directorship."

"Oh, puh-lease." Teddy Tumtum sneered better than a corps of trained sixteen-year- old mall rats. "So you're not quitting. Read my mouth stitches: Biiig deeal. You say you're back in the fight, but as what? A five-star general or some poor moop who got drafted when he wasn't looking?"

"What makes you think I won't give this everything I've got?"

"Don't try to fool me: I can tell. Who knows you, baby? You're still facing the fight of your financial life with that cutthroat baby brother of yours, and you're just gonna phone it in. And why? Because ittoo Peezie-pie went and gots her dewicate iwooshuns awww bwoke. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Po', po' ickle Peezie."

"I got my what broke?" Peez asked.

"Your illusions," the bear said, dropping the baby talk. "So the Reverend Everything's all about show biz, and Ray Rah's gang is all partay and pretending to be young, and Fiorella gave you the brush-off, and Agparak gave you— Okay, so maybe you did get something good out of that visit, but still, you're sniveling around because Edwina's top clients either don't want to know you or you don't want to know them. Why? Because you think they're phonies. So what? The checks don't bounce."

"Teddy Tumtum, it's not just about the money."

"What, do I look like I was stuffed yesterday? It is so too!"

Peez shook her head and fixed her eyes on the road. "There's no talking to you when you're like this," she said. "I give up."

"Yes, you're good at that," said Teddy Tumtum, smugly getting in the last word.

* * *

"Mr. Turkey Feather, I presume?" Peez said, extending her hand to the Native American spiritual leader. They had met, as previously arranged, outside The Gap. (To quote Sam, "These days it's the closest we can come to heading someone off at the pass.") "Or do you prefer Turkey Plucker?"

Sam's eyes opened a little wider in pleased surprise. "How did you know that?"

"I like to do my research," Peez replied. "I feel it's a courtesy to the client to know everything you can about him or her."

"Commendable. May I take your bag, Ms. Godz?"

"What bag?" Peez looked to left and right, puzzled. She'd left her carryon safely locked away in the rental car.

"The one with your chief research assistant packed inside," Sam said. "The bear?"

"How do you know about Teddy Tumtum?" Peez blurted.

The Native American laughed. "You're not the only one who does research. If we both make it a point to know as much about the other as possible, we can call it courtesy instead of espionage. And yes, I would prefer if you called me by Turkey Plucker, though if you really want to know what I'd like the most, just call me Sam."

"Only if you call me Peez." The pair of them exchanged smiles that were not in Dov's extensive repertoire.

Soon thereafter they were riding along the highway in Sam's truck. Teddy Tumtum, retrieved from the carry-on bag in the rental car trunk, was pressed against the windshield singing Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer at the top of his stockinette lungs.

"You were the one who insisted on bringing him," Peez said to Sam. "Happy about it now?"

"I can take it," Sam replied, his jaw set in grim determination. "I keep telling myself that after everything else my people have endured at the hands of the White Man, an obnoxious stuffed bear is no biggie."

"Is it working?"

"No. Right now I'm ranking him somewhere between broken treaties and smallpox- infected blankets."

"Hey, I resent that!" Teddy Tumtum interrupted his droning song to voice his objection, then groused: "Damn. Now I lost my place. I'll have to start all over from the beginning. Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of— YEEE!"

Sam stopped the truck. "You really shouldn't have thrown him out the window, Peez."

"I know." Peez's head drooped in contrition. "But it just felt so good!"

It took her the better part of an hour to find the little bear again. After spending that much time out in the midday sun, the initial thrill of pitching him out the window was well and truly gone.

"There you are!" Peez panted when she finally laid hands on him once more. The little bear had been sprawled in the shade of a cactus plant. "Why didn't you say something to let me know where to find you? I tried invoking your homing hex, but it didn't work, for some reason." She gave him a suspicious look. "Did you disable it, Teddy Tumtum?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Teddy Tumtum made an art of sarcastic payback. "I was under the impression that you didn't want to hear from me ever again. My goodness gracious me, wherever might I have gotten that idea? Oooh, could it have been something as trivial as being flung out the window of a speeding truck?!"

"Oh, calm down. You're stuffed. You bounce. The fall didn't hurt you."

"Maybe not my body." Teddy Tumtum sniveled and wiped invisible tears from his eyes. " 'Ooo went and bwoke my ickle heart. Bitch."

Peez laughed. "That's my Teddy Tumtum!" She gave him a hug and climbed back into Sam's truck.

"Found him?" Sam asked casually. "Way to go." He started up the truck again and drove on. Throughout the whole search-and-rescue operation, he had remained comfortably ensconced in the air-conditioned cab, letting Peez do all the work of finding the bear. Now it was time for a reckoning.

"Yes, I found him," Peez said angrily. "Not thanks to you, might I add."

"None expected. I wasn't the one who threw him out the window."

"Maybe not, but you've got to admit, you shared the benefit of it."

Sam shrugged. "I get a lot of that response from you city folk. First you do something I didn't ask for, maybe even something I never wanted, then you tell me I benefited from it so it's my duty to share the cost. But do you ever ask me if I think the results help me live my life more comfortably, or did they just help you advance your idea of how you think I'm supposed to be living?"

"Wow," said Teddy Tumtum. "That's an awful lot of resentment you're harboring just over tossing a teddy bear out of a truck."

"Friend, I've got resentment I've hardly used," Sam said. "The good news is, I don't think I'll ever bother using it. I've got better things to do."

"Like fleecing the woo-woos and wannabes of their wampum," the bear said. "We read the reports on your operation before we came here. Take one clutch of yuppies, stick 'em in the desert, hand them a rattle, a bottle of designer-label spring water, tell them that their true name is Squatting Iguana or Dances-With-Dot-Coms, and have them sign on the dotted line of any major credit card slip. Ka-ching! Money is the— YEEE!"

Peez looked accusingly at Sam. "Okay, this time you find him."

Sam pulled the truck over. "Sure you want him found?"

"Yes, I'm sure!"

"Find him, then."

"Hey, you were the one who—!"

Sam turned sharply and took Peez by the shoulders. "This isn't about finding that snide little scrap of fake fur. This is about finding something for yourself."

"A vision quest?" Peez smiled. "I don't think so. It's starting to get dark out there. Besides, do I look like a yuppie who wants to get spiritual enlightenment in just eight minutes a day?"

"Making fun of something you don't understand? I expected better of Edwina's daughter." Sam looked stern. "Don't be a fool, Peez. What I do isn't just about making a quick buck off gullible white-eyes. I could do that a lot faster and easier if I stuck to my fetish-bead business or started mass-producing medicine pouches. Do you even know why yuppies—people who've supposedly got everything money can buy—feel that they still need spirituality? After all, you can't take it to the bank, it won't help you get ahead in business, and it won't attract a trophy spouse."

Peez shook her head. "I don't know, but I do wonder. Truth is, when I started this whole journey of mine, it was all about just those kind of things: money, power, self- importance. Now ..." She bit her lip, unsure of how to go on.

"Now it's different," Sam concluded for her, his voice gentle. "Now it's about something more, isn't it?"

This time she nodded. "I used to think that what E. Godz, Inc. had to offer was just like those mass-produced medicine pouches you mentioned. It was a business, pure and simple. Now that I've gotten out there and seen some of the people involved, I know it's more than that. Even the most showy, splashy, fake-looking ceremony can provide something that people really seem to need."

"It's hard these days, living in the cities," Sam said. "Hard to stay in touch with nature, with the changing of the seasons, the great cycles; hard to appreciate something like a harvest festival of thanksgiving when you buy your food in a supermarket. No matter how much we try to ignore the seasons and the cycles and the forces of nature, we're still a part of them. We're children, Peez, and a child who turns away from his mother before he's able to stand on his own isn't going to get very far. That's why so many people are looking to the religions that put them back in touch with the earth. All religions do, in their own way. But some people can't seem to find what they need in the faiths they were taught as children. For them, religious rites became something you did once a week or sometimes only once a year. People change their hairstyles more often than that. The important thing isn't how they rediscover their spiritual side, just as long as they do it."

"They do it, you help them, and E. Godz, Inc. helps you." Peez looked thoughtful. "I was thinking about stepping out of the competition for company leadership. I was upset by all the hucksterism I saw, but now I know it's only surface glitter. The heart of what we do is sincere. Mother didn't just set up a cash cow; she saw what people needed, and she created the most efficient way to serve that need. I know all that, now. I don't know if I'm the right person to take over the job."

"Maybe that's what you should be searching for," Sam said, leaning across her to open the door on her side of the cab. "While you're looking for the bear."

"Multitasking?" Peez gave him a shy smile and got out of the truck. "Just one thing: If I don't come back by daybreak, check to see if I took a meeting with a rattler, okay?" With that, she trudged off into the desert.

The first streaks of pink, purple and gold were lighting the horizon when she returned, holding Teddy Tumtum. Her face was transformed with a deep serenity that Sam recognized at once.

"I see you found what you were looking for," he said softly.

Peez got into the cab without a word. Even Teddy Tumtum was silent. Sam started the truck and drove east. As they rolled down the road, he gave her a searching look. "You're all right? Cold? Want coffee? I know a place—"

"The airport, please," Peez said. Her eyes were fixed on something beyond the realm of ordinary sight. "I need to book an earlier flight to New Orleans." She turned to look at him. "It was there, Sam. It was there inside me all along. I just had to find the time and the silence before I could find the answer."

"Care to share it?"

"It's me, Sam. I'm the answer. My brother shouldn't be the head of E. Godz, Inc., but not because we don't get along or because I used to resent him or anything like that. The only reason he shouldn't guide E. Godz, Inc. is because I should. I know what the company is really about, and I've seen the best path for it to take." She blushed suddenly and added: "Wow, does that sound egotistical or what?"

"Depends." Sam regarded her with fatherly pride. "Why don't you ask the bear? He's usually got all the answers. Hey, you! Bear! How come you're so quiet all of a sudden? You have a vision, too?"

"No," Teddy Tumtum replied cautiously. "But I think I got a scorpion up my— YEEE!"

"I couldn't help it," Peez said apologetically as Sam stopped the truck for the third time. "I hate scorpions."