Down in The Bottomlands (and Other Places)

The Wheels of If
L. Sprague de Camp

King Oswiu of Northumbria squirmed in his chair. In the first place these synods bored him. In the second, his mathematics comprised the ability to add and subtract numbers under twenty on his fingers. Hence all this argument among the learned clerics, assembled in Whitby in the year of Our Lord 664, about the date of Easter and the phases of the moon and cycles of 84 and 532 years, went over the King’s head completely.

What did the exact date of Easter matter, anyhow? If they wanted to, why couldn’t the Latins celebrate their Easter when they wanted, and the Ionans celebrate theirs? The Ionans had been doing all right, as far as Oswiu could see. And then this Wilfrid of York had to bring in his swarms of Latin priests, objecting to this and that as schismatic, heretical, etc. They were abetted by Oswiu’s queen, Eanfled, which put poor Oswiu in an awkward position. He not only wanted peace in the family, but also hoped to attain to Heaven some day. Moreover, he liked the Abbot Colman, leader of the Ionans. And he certainly didn’t want any far-off Bishop of Rome sticking his nose into his affairs. On the other hand…

King Oswiu came to with a jerk. Father Wilfrid was speaking to him directly: “… the arguments of my learned friend- ” he indicated the Abbot Colman of Lindisfarne “- are very ingenious, I admit. But that is not the fundamental question. The real decision is, shall we accept the authority of His Holiness of Rome, like good Christians, or- ”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” interrupted Oswiu. “Why must we accept Gregory’s authority to be good Christians? I’m a good Christian, and I don’t let any foreign- ”

“The question, my lord, is whether one can be a good Christian and a rebel against- ”

“I am too a good Christian!” bristled Oswiu.

Wilfrid of York smiled. “Perhaps you remember the statement of our Savior to Peter, the first Bishop of Rome?

‘Thou art Peter; and upon this rock I will build my Church; and the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it. And I will give unto thee the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven; and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in Heaven; and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in Heaven.’ You see?”

Oswiu thought. That put a different light on the matter. If this fellow Peter actually had the keys of Heaven…

He turned to the Abbot Colman and asked: “Is that a correct quotation?”

“It is, my lord. But- ”

“Just a minute, just a minute. You’ll get me all confused again if you start arguing. Now, can you quote a text showing that equivalent powers were granted to Saint Columba?”

The grave Irishman’s face registered sudden dismay. He frowned in concentration so intense that one could almost hear the wheels.

“Well?” said Oswiu. “Speak up!”

Colman sighed. “No, my lord, I cannot. But I can show that it is the Latins, not we, who are departing from- ”

“That’s enough, Colman!” Oswiu’s single-track mind, once made up, had no intention of being disturbed again.

“I have decided that from this day forth the Kingdom of Northumbria shall follow the Latin practice concerning Easter. And that we shall declare our allegiance to the Roman Bishop Gregory, lest, when I come to the gates of Heaven, there would be none to open them for me — he being my adversary who has the keys. The synod is adjourned.”

King Oswiu went out, avoiding the reproachful look that the Abbot sent after him. It was a dirty trick on Colman, who was a very decent chap. But after all, it wouldn’t do to antagonize the heavenly doorman. And maybe now Eanfled would stop nagging him…

Allister Park rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed, as he usually did. He noticed nothing wrong until he looked at the sleeve of his pajamas.

He could not recall ever having had a pair of pajamas of that singularly repulsive green. He couldn’t recall having changed to clean pajamas the night before. In short, he couldn’t account for these pajamas at all.

Oh, well, probably, Eunice or Mary had given them to him, and he’d put them on without thinking. He yawned, brushing his mouth with the back of his hand.

He jerked his hand away. Then he cautiously felt his upper lip.

He got out of bed and made for the nearest mirror. There was no doubt about it. He had a mustache. He had not had a mustache when he went to bed the night before.

’Abd-ar-Rahman, Governor of Cordoba for the Khalifah Hisham ibn ’Abd-al-Malik, Lord of Damascus, Protector of the Faithful, etc., etc., paced his tent like a caged leopard with claustrophobia. He hated inactivity, and to him the last six days of tentative skirmishing had been just that.

He glowered over his pepper-and-salt beard at his chiefs, sitting cross-legged in an ellipse on the rugs. “Well?” he barked.

Yezid spoke up. “But a little longer, Commander-in-Chief, and the Franks will melt away. The infidels have little cavalry, save Gothic and Aquitanian refugees. Without cavalry, they cannot keep themselves fed. Our horse can range the country, supplying us and cutting off help from our enemies. There is no God but God.”

Ya’qub snorted. “How long do you think our men will abide this fearful Frankish climate? The winter is almost upon us. I say strike now, while their spirits are still up. This rabble of Frankish farmers on foot will show some rare running. Have the armies of the Faithful come this far by sitting in front of their enemies and making grimaces at them?”

Yezid delivered an impressive snort of his own. “Just the advice one would expect from a dog of a Ma’adite. This Karel, who commands the infidels, is no fool- ”

“Who’s a dog?” yelped Ya’qub, jumping up. “Pig of a Yemenite- ”

’Abd-ar-Rahman yelled at them until they subsided. One major idea of this foray into Francia was to bury the animosity between members of the two parties. Yezid’s starting a quarrel on political grounds put the Governor in an embarrassing position, as he was a Yemenite himself. He was still undecided. An intelligent man, he could see the sense to Yezid’s Fabian advice. Emotionally, however, he burned to get to grips with the army of Charles, Mayor of Austrasia. And Yezid should be punished for his insulting remark.

“I have decided,” said ’Abd-ar-Rahman, “that, while there is much to be said on both sides, Ya’qub’s advice is the sounder. Nothing hurts an army’s spirit like waiting. Besides, God has planned the outcome of the battle anyway. So why should we fear? If He decides that we shall win, we shall win.

“Therefore tomorrow, Saturday, we shall strike the Franks with all our force. God is God, and Mohammed is His prophet…”

But the next night ’Abd-ar-Rahman lay dead by the banks of the River Vienne, near Tours, with his handsome face waxy in the starlight and blood in his pepper-and-salt beard. The Austrasian line had held. Yezid, who had been right, was dead likewise, and so was Ya’qub, who had been wrong. And the surviving Arabs were fleeing back to Narbonne and Barcelona.

Allister Park opened the door of his apartment and grabbed up his Times. Sure enough, the date was Monday April 11th, just as it ought to have been. The year was right, too. That ruled out the possibility of amnesia.

He went back to the mirror. He was still a slightly stout man in his middle thirties, with pale-blue eyes and thinning sandy hair. But he wasn’t the same man. The nose was different. So were the eyebrows. The scar under the chin was gone…

He gave up his self-inspection and got out his clothes. At that juncture he got another shock. The clothes weren’t his. Or rather, they were clothes for a man of his size, and of the quality that a self-indulgent bachelor with an income of $12,000 a year would buy. Park didn’t object to the clothes. It was just that they weren’t his clothes.

Park gave up speculation about his sanity for the nonce; he had to get dressed. Breakfast? He was sick of the more cardboard-like cereals. To hell with it; he’d make himself some French toast. If it put another inch on his middle, he’d sweat it off Sunday at the New York Athletic Club.

The mail was thrust under his door. He finished knotting his necktie and picked it up. The letters were all addressed to a Mr. Arthur Vogel.

Then Allister Park, really awake, did look around. The apartment was built on the same plan as his own, but it wasn’t the same. The furniture was different. Lots of little things were different, such as a nick in the wall that shouldn’t be there.

Park sat down and smoked a cigarette while he thought. There was no evidence of kidnapping, which, considering his business, was not too unlikely a possibility. He’d gone to bed Sunday night sober, alone, and reasonably early. Why should he wake up in another man’s apartment? He forgot for the moment that he had also awakened with another man’s face. Before he had time to remember it, the sight of the clock jostled him into action. No time for French toast — it would have to be semi — edible cardboard after all.

But the real shock awaited him when he looked for his briefcase. There was none. Neither was there any sign of the sheaf of notes he had so carefully drawn up on the conduct of the forthcoming Antonini case. That was more than important. On his convicting the Antonini gang depended his nomination for District Attorney for the County of New York next fall. The present DA was due to get the bipartisan nomination to the Court of General Sessions at the same time.

He was planning, with thoroughly dishonorable motives, to invite Martha up for dinner. But he didn’t want to have dinner with her until he’d cleared this matter up. The only trouble with calling her up was that the address book didn’t have her name in it — or indeed the name of anybody Park had ever heard of. Neither was she listed in the phone book.

He dialed CAnal 6-5700. Somebody said: “Department of Hospitals.”

“Huh? Isn’t this CAnal 6-5700?”

“Yes, this is the Department of Hospitals.”

“Well what’s the District Attorney’s office then?” Hell, I ought to know my own office phone.

“The District Attorney’s office is WOrth 2-2200.”

Park groggily called WOrth 2-2200. “Mr. Park’s office, please.”

“What office did you ask for, please?”

“The office of Assistant District Attorney Park!” Park’s voice took on the metallic rasp. “Racket Bureau to you, sister.”

“I’m sorry, we have no such person.”

“Listen, young lady, have you got a Deputy Assistant DA named Frenczko? John Frenczko? You spell it with a z.”

Silence. “No, I’m sorry, we have no such person.”

Allister Park hung up.

The old building at 137 Center was still there. The Racket Bureau was still there. But they had never heard of Allister Park. They already had an Assistant DA of their own, a man named Hutchison, with whom they seemed quite well satisfied. There was no sign of Park’s two deputies, Frenczko and Burt.

As a last hope, Park went over to the Criminal Courts Building. If he wasn’t utterly mad, the case of People v. Cassidy, extortion, ought to come up as soon after ten as it would take Judge Segal to read his calendar. Frenczko and Burt would be in there, after Cassidy’s hide.

But there was no Judge Segal, no Frenczko, no Burt, no Cassidy…

“Very interesting, Mr. Park,” soothed the psychiatrist. “Very interesting indeed. The most hopeful feature is that you quite realize your difficulty, and come to me now-”

“What I want to know,” interrupted Park, “is: was I sane up to yesterday, and crazy since then, or was I crazy up to then and sane now?”

“It seems hard to believe that one could suffer from a coherent set of illusions for thirty-six years,” replied the psychiatrist. “Yet your present account of your perceptions seems rational enough. Perhaps your memory of what you saw and experienced today is at fault.”

“But I want to get straightened out! My whole political future depends on it! At least-” he stopped. Was there such an Antonini gang? Was there a nomination awaiting an Allister Park if they were convicted?

“I know,” said the psychiatrist gently. “But this case isn’t like any I ever heard of. You go ahead and wire Denver for Allister Park’s birth certificate. We’ll see if there is such a person. Then come back tomorrow…”

Park awoke, looked around, and groaned. The room had changed again. But he choked off his groan. He was occupying a twin bed. In its mate lay a fair-to-middling handsome woman of about his own age.

His groan had roused her. She asked: “How are you feeling, Wally?”

“I’m feeling fine,” he mumbled. The significance of his position was soaking in. He had some trouble suppressing another groan. About marriage, he was an adherent of the why-buy-a-cow philosophy, as he had had occasion to make clear to many women by way of fair warning.

“I hope you are,” said the woman anxiously. “You acted so queer yesterday. Do you remember your appointment with Dr. Kerr?”

“I certainly do,” said Park. Kerr was not the name of the psychiatrist with whom he had made the appointment. The woman prepared to dress. Park gulped a little. For years he’d managed to get along without being mixed up with other men’s wives, ever since…

And he wished he knew her name. A well-mannered man, under those circumstances, wouldn’t refer to the woman as “Hey, you.”

“What are we having for breakfast, sweetie-pie?” he asked with a sickly grin. She told him, adding: “You never called me that before, dear.” When she started toward him with an expectant smile, he jumped out of bed and dressed with frantic haste.

He ate silently. When the woman inquired why, he pointed to his mouth and mumbled: “Canker sore. It hurts to talk.”

He fled as soon as he decently could, without learning his “wife’s” name. His wallet told him his name was Wallace Heineman, but little else about himself. If he wanted to badly enough, he could no doubt find out whom he worked for, who his friends were, which if any bank he had money in, etc. But if these daily changes were going to continue, it hardly seemed worthwhile. The first thing was to get back to that psychiatrist.

Although the numbers of the streets were different, the general layout was the same. Half an hour’s walking brought him to the block where the psychiatrist’s office had been. The building had been on the southeast corner of Fifty-seventh and Eighth. Park could have sworn the building that now occupied that site was different.

However, he went up anyway. He had made a careful note of the office number. His notebook had been missing that morning, like all the rest of his (or rather Arthur Vogel’s) things. Still, he remembered the number.

The number turned out to be that of a suite of offices occupied by Williamson, Ostendorff, Cohen, Burke, and Williamson, Attorneys. No, they had never heard of Park’s brain-man. Yes, Williamson, Ostendorff, Cohen, Burke, and Williamson had occupied those offices for years.

Park came out into the street and stood a long time, thinking. A phenomenon that he had hitherto noticed only vaguely now puzzled him: the extraordinary number of Union Jacks in sight.

He asked the traffic cop about it. The cop looked at him. “King’s buithday,” he said.

“What king?”

“Why, our king of course. David the Fuist.” The cop touched his finger to the peak of his cap.

Park settled himself on a park bench with a newspaper. The paper was full of things like references to the recent Anglo-Russian war, the launching of the Queen Victoria, His Majesty’s visit to a soap factory (“Where he displayed a keen interest in the technical problems involved in…”), the victory of Massachusetts over Quebec in the Inter-Colonial football matches (Massachusetts a colony? And football in April?), the trial of one Diedrichs for murdering a man with a cross-cut saw…

All this was very interesting, especially the Diedrichs case. But Allister Park was more concerned with the whereabouts and probable fate of the Antonini gang. He also thought with gentle melancholy of Mary and Eunice and Dorothy and Martha and Joan and… But that was less important than the beautiful case he had dug up against such a slimy set of public enemies. Even Park, despite the cynical view of humanity that public prosecutors get, had felt a righteous glow when he tallied up the evidence and knew he had them.

And the nomination was not to be sneezed at either. It just happened that he was available when it was a Protestant’s turn at that nomination. If he missed out, he’d have to wait while a Catholic and a Jew took theirs. Since you had to be one or the other to get nominated at all, Park had become perforce a church member and regular if slightly hypocritical goer.

His plan was, after a few terms as DA, to follow the incumbent DA onto the bench. You would never have guessed it, but inside Allister Park lingered enough of the idealism that as a young lawyer he had brought from Colorado to give the bench an attractiveness not entirely comprised of salary and social position.

He looked in his pockets. There was enough there for one good bender.

Of the rest of the day, he never could remember much afterwards. He did remember giving a pound note to an old woman selling shoelaces, leading a group of drunks in a song about one Columbo who knew the world was round-o (unexpurgated), and trying to take a fireman’s hose away from him on the ground that the city was having a water shortage.

He awoke in another strange room, without a trace of a hangover. A quick look around assured him that he was alone.

It was time, he thought, that he worked out a system for the investigation of his identity on each successive morning. He learned that his name was Wadsworth Noe. The pants of all the suits in his closet were baggy knee — pants, plus fours.

Something was going ping, ping, ping, like one of those tactful alarm clocks. Park located the source of the noise in a goose-necked gadget on the table, which he finally identified as a telephone. As the transmitter and receiver were built into a single unit on the end of the gooseneck, there was nothing to lift off the hook. He pressed a button in the base. A voice spoke: “Waddy?”

“Oh-yeah. Who’s this?”

“This is your little bunnykins.”

Park swore under his breath. The voice sounded female and young; and had a slight indefinable accent. He stalled:

“How are you this morning?”

“Oh, I’m fine. How’s my little butterball?”

Park winced. Wadsworth Noe had a figure even more portly than Allister Park’s. Park, with effort, infused syrup into his voice: “Oh, I’m fine too, sweetie-pie. Only I’m lonesome as all hell.”

“Oh, isn’t that too bad! Oo poor little thing! Shall I come up and cook dinner for my precious?”

“I’d love it.” A plan was forming in Park’s mind. Hitherto all these changes had taken place while he was asleep. If he could get somebody to sit around and watch him while he stayed up…

The date was made. Park found he’d have to market.

On the street, aside from the fact that all the men wore plus fours and wide-brimmed hats, the first thing that struck him was the sight of two dark men in uniform. They walked in step down the middle of the sidewalk. Their walk implied that they expected people to get out of their way. People got. As the soldiers passed him, Park caught a sentence in a foreign language, sounding like Spanish.

At the market everyone spoke with that accent Park had heard over the phone. They fell silent when another pair of soldiers entered. These loudly demanded certain articles of food. A clerk scurried around and got the order. The soldiers took the things and departed without paying.

Park thought of going to a library to learn about the world he was in. But if he were going to shift again, it would hardly be worthwhile. He bought a New York Record, noticing that the stand also carried a lot of papers in French and Spanish.

Back in his apartment he read of His Majesty Napoleon V, apparently emperor of New York City and God knew what else!

His little bunnykins turned out to be a smallish dark girl, not bad-looking, who kissed him soundly. She said:

“Where have you been the last few days, Waddy? I haven’t heard from you for simply ages! I was beginning to think you’d forgotten me. Oo hasn’t forgotten, has oo?”

“Me forget? Why, sweetie-pie, I couldn’t any more forget you than I could forget my own name.” (And what the hell’s that? he asked himself. Wordsworth — no, Wadsworth Noe. Thank God.) “Give us another kiss.”

… She looked at him. “What makes you talk so funny, Waddy?”

“Canker sore,” said Allister Park.

“O-o-o, you poor angel. Let me see it.”

“It’s all right. How about that famous dinner?”

At least Wadsworth Noe kept a good cellar. After dinner Park applied himself cautiously to this. It gave an excuse for just sitting. Park asked the girl about herself. She chattered on happily for some hours.

Then her conversation began to run dry. There were long silences.

She looked at him quizzically. “Are you worrying about something, Waddy? Somehow you seem like a different man.”

“No,” he lied. “I’m not worrying.”

She looked at the clock. “I suppose I ought to go,” she said hesitantly. Park sat up. “Oh, please don’t!”

She relaxed and smiled. “I didn’t think you’d let me. Just wait.” She disappeared into the bedroom and presently emerged in a filmy nightgown.

Allister Park was not surprised. But he was concerned. Attractive as the girl was, the thought of solving his predicament was more so. Besides, he was already sleepy from the liquors he had drunk.

“How about making some coffee, sweetie-pie?” he asked.

She acquiesced. The making and drinking of the coffee took another hour. It was close to midnight. To keep the ball rolling, Park told some stories. Then the conversation died down again. The girl yawned. She seemed puzzled and a bit resentful.

She asked: “Are you going to sit up all night?”

That was just what Park intended to do. But while he cast about for a plausible reason to give, he stalled: “Ever tell you about that man Wugson I met last week? Funniest chap you ever saw. He has a big bunch of hairs growing out the end of his nose…”

He went on in detail about the oddities of the imaginary Mr. Wugson. The girl had an expression of what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this. She yawned again.

Click! Allister Park rubbed his eyes and sat up. He was on a hard knobby thing that might, by gross misuse of the language, be called a mattress. His eyes focussed on a row of iron bars.

He was in jail.

Allister Park’s day in jail proved neither interesting nor informative. He was marched out for meals and for an hour of exercise. Nobody spoke to him except a guard who asked: “Hey there, chief, who ja think you are today, huh? Julius Caesar?”

Park grinned. “Nope. I’m God, this time.”

This was getting to be a bore. If one could do this flitting about from existence to existence voluntarily, it might be fun. As it was, one didn’t stay put long enough to adjust oneself to any of these worlds of-illusion?

The next day he was a shabby fellow sleeping on a park bench. The city was still New York — no it wasn’t; it was a different city built on the site of New York.

He had money for nothing more than a bottle of milk and a loaf of bread. These he bought and consumed slowly, while reading somebody’s discarded newspaper. Reading was difficult because of the queer spelling. And the people had an accent that required the closest attention to understand.

He spent a couple of hours in an art museum. The guards looked at him as if he were something missed by the cleaners. When it closed he went back to his park bench and waited. Night came.

A car — at least, a four — wheeled power vehicle — drew up and a couple of cops got out. Park guessed they were cops because of their rhinestone epaulets. One asked: “Are you John Gilby?” He pronounced it: “Air yew Thawn Gilbь?”

But Allister Park caught his drift. “Damned if I know, brother. Am I?”

The cops looked at each other. “He’s him, all right,” said one. To Park: “Come along.”

Park learned, little by little, that he was not wanted for anything more serious than disappearance. He kept his own counsel until they arrived at the stationhouse.

Inside was a fat woman. She jumped up and pointed at him, crying raucously: “That’s him! That’s the dirty deserter, running off and leaving his poor wife to starve! The back of me hand to you, you dirty-”

“Please, Mrs. Gilby!” said the desk sergeant.

The woman was not to be silenced. “Heaven curse the day I met you! Sergeant darlin’, what can I do to put the dirty loafer in jail where he belongs?”

“Well,” said the sergeant uncomfortably, “you can charge him with desertion, of course. But don’t you think you’d better go home and talk it over? We don’t want to-”

“Hey!” cried Park. They looked at him. “I’ll take jail, if you don’t mind-”

Click! Once again he was in bed. It was a real bed this time. He looked around. The place had the unmistakable air of a sanitarium or hospital.

Oh, well. Park rolled over and went to sleep.

The next day he was still in the same place. He began to have hopes. Then he remembered that, as the transitions happened at midnight, he had no reason for assuming that the next one would not happen the following midnight.

He spent a very boring day. A physician came in, asked him how he was, and was gone almost before Park could say “Fine.” People brought him his meals. If he’d been sure he was going to linger, he’d have made vigorous efforts to orient himself and to get out. But as it was, there didn’t seem any point.

The next morning he was still in bed. But when he tried to rub his eyes and sit up, he found that his wrists and ankles were firmly tied to the four posts. This wasn’t the same bed, nor the same room; it looked like a room in somebody’s private house.

And at the foot of the bed sat the somebody: a small gray-haired man with piercing black eyes that gleamed over a sharp nose.

For a few seconds Allister Park and the man looked at each other. Then the man’s expression underwent a sudden and alarming change, as if internal pain had gripped him. He stared at his own clothes as if he had never seen them before. He screamed, jumped up, and dashed out of the room. Park heard his feet clattering down stairs, and the slam of a front door; then nothing.

Allister Park tried pulling at his bonds, but the harder he pulled, the tighter they gripped. So he tried not pulling, which brought no results either.

He listened. There was a faint hiss and purr of traffic outside. He must be still in a city, though, it seemed, a fairly quiet one.

A stair creaked. Park held his breath. Somebody was coming up, and without unnecessary noise. More than one man, Park thought, listening to the creaks.

Somebody stumbled. From far below a voice called up a question that Park couldn’t catch. There were several quick steps and the smack of a fist.

The door of Park’s room was ajar. Through the crack appeared a vertical strip of face, including an eye. The eye looked at Park and Park looked at the eye.

The door jerked open and three men pounced into the room. They wore floppy trousers and loose blouses that might have come out of a Russian ballet. They had large, flat, pentagonal faces, red-brown skins and straight black hair. They peered behind the door and under the bed.

“What the hell?” asked Allister Park.

The largest of the three men looked at him. “You’re not hurt, Hallow?”

“No. But I’m damn sick of being tied up.”

The large man’s face showed a flicker of surprise. The large man cut Park’s lashings. Park sat up, rubbing his wrists, and learned that he was wearing a suit of coarse woolen underwear.

“Where’s the rascally Noggle?” asked the large brown man. Although he rolled his r’s like a Scot, he did not look like a Scot. Park thought he might be an Asiatic or an American Indian.

“You mean the little gray-haired bird?”

“Sure. You know, the scoundrel.” He pronounced the k in “know.”

“Suppose I do. When I woke up he was in that chair. He looked at me and beat it out of here as if all the bats of Hell were after him.”

“Maybe he’s gone daft. But the weighty thing is to get you out.” One of the men got a suit out of the closet, resembling the three men’s clothes, but somber gray.

Allister Park dressed. The tenseness of the men made him hurry, though he didn’t take all this very seriously yet. Working his feet into the elastic-sided shoes with the big metal buckles, Park asked: “How long have I been here?”

“You dropped from the ken of a man a week ago today,” replied the large man with a keen look.

A week ago today he had been Allister Park, assistant district attorney. The next day he hadn’t been. It was probably not a mere coincidence.

He started to take a look at his new self in the mirror. Before he could do more than glimpse a week’s growth of beard, two of the men were gently pulling his arms toward the door. There was something deferential about their urgency. Park went along. He asked: “What do I do now?”

“That takes a bit of thinking on,” said the large man. “It might not be safe for you to go home. Shh!” He stole dramatically down the stairs ahead of them. “Of course,” he continued, “you could put in a warrant against Joseph Noggle.”

“What good would that do?”

“Not much, I fear. If Noggle was put up to this by MacSvensson, you can be sure the lazy knicks wouldn’t find him.”

Park had more questions, but he didn’t want to give himself away any sooner than he had to.

The house was old, decorated in a curious geometrical style, full of hexagons and spirals. On the ground floor sat another brown man in a rocking chair. In one hand he held a thing like an automobile grease gun, with a pistol grip. Across the room sat another man, with a black eye, looking apprehensively at the gun-thing.

The one in the chair got up, took off his bonnet, and made a bow toward Park. He said: “Haw, Hallow. Were you hurt?”

“He’ll live over it, glory be to Patrick,” said the big one, whom the others addressed as “Sachem.” This person now glowered at the man with the black eye. “Nay alarums, understand? Or-” he drew the tip of his forefinger in a quick circle on the crown of his head. It dawned on Park that he was outlining the part of the scalp that an Indian might remove as a trophy.

They quickly went out, glancing up and down the street. It was early morning; few people were visible. Park’s four companions surrounded him in a way that suggested that, much as they respected him, he had better not make a break.

The sidewalk had a wood-block paving. At the curb stood a well-streamlined automobile. The engine seemed to be in the rear. From the size of the closed-in section, Park guessed it to be huge.

They got in. The instrument board had more knobs and dials than a transport plane. The Sachem started the car noiselessly. Another car blew a resonant whistle, and passed them wagging a huge tail of water vapor. Park grasped the fact that the cars were steam-powered. Hence the smooth, silent operation; hence also the bulky engine and the complex controls.

The buildings were large but low; Park saw none over eight or ten stories. The traffic signals had semaphore arms with “STAI” and “COM” on them.

“Where are you taking me?” asked Park.

“Outside the burg bounds, first,” said the Sachem. “Then we’ll think on the next.”

Park wondered what was up; they were still respectful as all Hell, but there was something ominous about their haste to get outside the “burg bounds,” which Park took to be the city limits. He said, experimentally, “I’m half starved.”

A couple of the brown men echoed these sentiments, so the Sachem presently stopped the car at a restaurant. Park looked around it; except for that odd geometric style of decoration, it was much like other restaurants the world over.

“What’s the program?” he asked the Sachem. Park had known some heavy drinkers in his time, but never one who washed his breakfast pancakes down with whiskey, as the large brown man was now doing.

“That’ll be seen,” said the Sachem. “What did Noggle try to do to you?”

“Never did find out.”

“There’s been an under talk about the swapping of minds. I wonder if — where are you going?”

“Be right back,” said Park, heading for the men’s room. In another minute the Sachem would have cornered him on the question of identity. They watched him go. Once in the men’s room, he climbed onto a sink, opened a window, and squirmed out into the adjacent alley. He put several blocks between himself and his convoyers before he slowed down.

His pockets failed to tell him whose body he had. His only mark of identification was a large gold ring with a Celtic cross. He had a few coins in one pocket, wherewith he bought a newspaper. Careful searching disclosed the following item:

It looked to Park as though some German or Norwegian had tried to spell English — or what passed for English in this city — phonetically according to the rules of his own language, with a little Middle English or Anglo-Saxon thrown in. He made a tentative translation:

It sounded like him, all right. What a hell of a name, Ib Scoglund! The next step was to find where he lived. If they had telephones, they ought to have telephone directories…

Half an hour later Park approached the bishop’s house. If he were going to change again at midnight, the thing to do would be to find some quiet place, relax, and await the change. However, he felt that the events of the week made a pattern, of which he thought he could see the beginnings of an outline. If his guesses were right, he had arrived at his destination.

The air was moderately warm and a bit sticky, as New York City air might well be in April. A woman passed him, leading a floppy-eared dog. She was stout and fiftyish. Although Park did not think that a skirt that cleared her knees by six inches became her, that was what was being worn.

As he turned the corner onto what ought to be his block, he sighted a knot of people in front of a house. Two men in funny steeple-crowned hats sat in an open car. They were dressed alike, and Park guessed they were policemen.

Park pulled his bonnet — a thing like a Breton peasant’s hat — over one side of his face. He walked past on the opposite side of the street, looking unconcerned. The people were watching No. 64, his number.

There was an alley on one side of the house. Park walked to the next corner, crossed, and started back toward No. 64. He had almost reached the entrance to the alley when one of the men spotted him. With a cry of “There’s the bishop himself!” the men on the sidewalk — there were four — ran toward him. The men in the funny hats got out of their vehicle and followed.

Park squared his shoulders. He had faced down wardheelers who invaded his apartment to tell him to lay off certain people, or else. However, far from being hostile, these shouted: “Wher-r-re ya been, Hallow?” “Were you kidnapped?” “Ja lose your recall?” “How about a wording?” All produced pads and pencils.

Park felt at home. He asked: “Who’s it for?” One of the men said: “I’m from the Sooth.”

“The what?”

“The New Belfast Sooth. We’ve been upholding you on the Skrelling question.” Park looked serious. “I’ve been investigating conditions.”

The men looked puzzled. Park added: “You know, looking into things.”

“Oh,” said the man from the Sooth. “Peering the kilters, eh?”

The men in the funny hats arrived. One of the pair asked: “Any wrongdoings, Bishop? Want to mark in a slur?” Park, fumbling through the mazes of this dialect, figured that he meant “file a complaint.” He said: “No, I’m all right. Thanks anyway.”

“But,” cried the hat, “are you sure you don’t want to mark in a slur? We’ll take you to the lair if you do.”

“No, thank you,” said Park. The hats sidled up to him, one on either side. In the friendliest manner they took his arms and gently urged him toward the car, saying: “Sure you want to mark in a slur. We was sent special to get you so you could. If somebody kidnapped you, you must, or it’s helping wrongdoing, you know. It’s just a little way to the lair-”

Park had been doing some quick thinking. They had an ulterior reason for wanting to get him to the “lair” (presumably a police station); but manhandling a bishop, especially in the presence of reporters, just wasn’t done. He wrenched loose and jumped into the doorway of No. 64. He snapped: “I haven’t got any slurs, and I’m not going to your lair, get me?”

“Aw, but Hallow, we wasn’t going to hurt you. Only if you have a slur, you have to mark it in. That’s the law, see?” The man, his voice a pleading whine, came closer and reached for Park’s sleeve. Park cocked a fist, saying: “If you want me for anything, you can get a warrant. Otherwise the Sooth’ll have a story about how you tried to kidnap the bishop, and how he knocked the living bejesus out of you!” The reporters made encouraging noises.

The hats gave up and got back in their car. With some remark about “… he’ll sure give us hell,” they departed. Park pulled the little handle on the door. Something went bong, bong inside. The reporters crowded around, asking questions. Park, trying to look the way a bishop should, held up a hand. “I’m very tired, gentlemen, but I’ll have a statement for you in a few days.”

They were still pestering him when the door opened. Inside, a small monkeylike fellow opened his mouth.

“Hallow Colman keep us from harm!” he cried.

“I’m sure he will,” said Park gravely, stepping in. “How about some food?”

“Surely, surely,” said Monkey-face. “But — but what on earth has your hallowship been doing? I’ve been fair sick with worry.”

“Peering the kilters, old boy, peering the kilters.” Park followed Monkey-face upstairs, as if he had intended going that way of his own accord. Monkey-face doddered into a bedroom and busied himself with getting out clean clothes. Park looked at a mirror. He was — as he had been throughout his metamorphoses — a stocky man with thinning light hair, in the middle thirties. While he was not Allister Park, neither was he very different from him.

The reddish stubble on his face would have to come off. In the bathroom Park found no razor. He stumbled on a contraption that might be an electric razor. He pushed the switch experimentally, and dropped the thing with a yell. It had bitten a piece out of his thumb. Holding the injured member, Park cut loose with the condemnatory vocabulary that ten years of work among New York City’s criminal class had given him.

Monkey-face stood in the doorway, eyes big. Park stopped his swearing long enough to rasp: “Damn your lousy little soul, don’t stand there! Get me a bandage!”

The little man obeyed. He applied the bandage as though he expected Park to begin the practice of cannibalism on him at any moment.

“What’s the matter?” said Park. “I won’t bite you!”

Monkey-face looked up. “Begging pardon, your hallowship, but I thock you wouldn’t allow the swearing of aiths in your presence. And now such frickful aiths I never did hear.”

“Oh,” said Park. He remembered the penetrating look the Sachem had given his mild damns and hells. Naturally a bishop would not use such language — at least not where he could be overheard.

“You’d better finish my shave,” he said.

Monkey-face still looked uneasy. “Begging your forgiveness again, Hallow, but what makes you talk such a queer speech?”

“Canker sore,” growled Park.

Shaved, he felt better. He bent a kindly look on Monkey-face. “Listen,” he said, “your bishop has been consorting with low uncouth persons for the past week. So don’t mind it if I fall into their way of speaking. Only don’t tell anybody, see? Sorry I jumped on you just now. D’you accept my apology?”

“Yes — yes, of course, Hallow.”

“All right, then. How about that famous breakfast?”

After breakfast he took his newspaper and the pile of mail into the bishop’s well-equipped library. He looked up “Screling” in the “Wцrdbuk” or dictionary. A “Screling” was defined as one of the aboriginal inhabitants of Vinland.

“Vinland” stirred a faint chord; something he’d learned in school. The atlas contained a map of North America. A large area in the north and east thereof, bounded on the west and south by an irregular line running roughly from Charleston to Winnipeg, was labeled the Bretwaldate of Vinland. The remaining two-thirds of the continent comprised half a dozen political areas, with such names as Dacoosja, Tjeroogia, Aztecia. Park, referring back to the dictionary, derived these from Dakota, Cherokee, Aztec, etcetera.

In a couple of hours telephone calls began coming in. Monkey-face, according to his instructions, told one and all that the bishop was resting up and couldn’t be disturbed. Park meanwhile located a pack of pipes in the library, and a can of tobacco. He got out several pads of paper and sharpened a dozen pencils.

Monkey-face announced lunch. Park told him to bring it in. He announced dinner. Park told him to bring it in. He announced bedtime. Park told him to go soak his head. He went, clucking. He had never seen a man work with such a fury of concentration for so long at a stretch, let alone his master. But then, he had never seen Allister Park reviewing the evidence for a big criminal case.

History, according to the encyclopedia, was much the same as Park remembered it down to the Dark Ages. Tracing down the point at which the divergence took place, he located the fact that King Oswiu of Northumbria had decided in favor of the Celtic Christian Church at the Synod of Whitby, 664 A.D. Park had never heard of the Synod or of King Oswiu. But the encyclopedia ascribed to this decision the rapid spread of the Celtic form of Christianity over Great Britain and Scandinavia. Hence it seemed to Park that probably, in the history of the world he had come from, the king had decided the other way.

The Roman Christian Church had held most of its ground in northern Europe for a century more. But the fate of its influence there had been sealed by the defeat of the Franks by the Arabs at Tours. The Arabs had occupied all southern Gaul before they were finally stopped, and according to the atlas they were still there. The Pope and the Lombard duchies of Italy had at once placed themselves under the protection of the Byzantine emperor Leo the Iconoclast. (A Greek-speaking “Roman” Empire still occupied Anatolia and the Balkans, under a Serbian dynasty.)

A Danish king of England named Gorm had brought both the British Isles and Scandinavia under his rule, as Knut had done in Park’s world. But Gorm’s kingdom proved more durable than Knut’s; the connection between England and Scandinavia had survived, despite intervals of disunion and civil war, down to the present. North America was discovered by one Ketil Ingolfsson in 989 A.D. Enough Norse, English, and Irish colonists had migrated thither during the Eleventh Century to found a permanent colony, from which the Bretwaldate of Vinland had grown. Their language, while descended from Anglo-Saxon, naturally contained fewer words of Latin and French origin than Park’s English.

The Indians — “Screlingz” or Skrellings — had not proved a pushover, as the colonists had neither the gunpowder nor the numbers that the whites of Park’s history had had. By the time the whites had reached the present boundaries of Vinland, expelling or enslaving the Skrellings as they went, the remaining natives had acquired enough knowledge of ferrous metallurgy and organized warfare to hold their own. Those that remained in Vinland were no longer slaves, but were still a suppressed class suffering legal and economic disabilities. He, Bishop Ib Scoglund, was a crusader for the removal of these disabilities. (“Hallow” was simply a respectful epithet, meaning about the same as “Reverend.”)

An Italian named Caravello had invented the steam engine about 1790, and the Industrial Revolution had followed as a matter of course…

It was the following morning, when Park, having caught the three hours of sleep that sufficed for him when necessary, was back at the books, that Monkey-face (right name: Eric Dunedin) came timidly in. He coughed deferentially. “The pigeon came with a writing from Thane Callahan.”

Park frowned up from his mountain of printed matter. “Who? Never mind; let’s see it.” He took the note. It read (spelling conventionalized):

Dear Hallow: Why in the name of the Blood Witnesses of Belfast did you run away from us yesterday? The papers say you have gone back home; isn’t that risky? Must have a meeting with you forthwith; shall be at Bridget’s Beach this noon, waiting. Respectfully, R. C.

Park asked Dunedin: “Tell me, is Callahan a tall heavy guy who looks like an In — a Skrelling?”

Dunedin looked at him oddly. By this time Park was getting pretty well used to being looked at oddly. Dunedin said: “But he is a Skrelling, Hallow; the Sachem of all the Skrellings of Vinland.”

“Hm. So he’ll meet me at this beach — why the devil can’t he come here?”

“Ooooh, but Hallow, bethink what happened to him the last time the New Belfast knicks caught him!”

Whatever that was, Park reckoned he owed the Sachem something for the rescue from the clutches of the mysterious Mr. Noggle. The note didn’t sound like one from a would-be abductor to his escaped prey. But just in case, Park went out to the modest episcopal automobile (Dunedin called it a “wain”) and put a wrench in his pocket. He told Dunedin: “You’ll have to drive this thing; my thumb’s still sore.”

It took a few minutes to get steam up. As they rolled out of the driveway, a car parked across the street started up too. Park got a glimpse of the men therein. While they were in civilian clothes, as he was, they had a grim plainclothesman look about them.

After three blocks the other car was still behind them. Park ordered Dunedin to go around the block. The other car followed.

Park asked: “Can you shake those guys?”

“I–I don’t know, your hallowship. I’m not very good at fast driving.”

“Slide over then. How in hell do you run this thing?”

“You mean you don’t know-”

“Never mind!” roared Park. “Where’s the accelerator or throttle or whatever you call it?”

“Oh, the strangle. There.” Dunedin pointed a frankly terrified finger. “And the brake-”

The wain jumped ahead with a rush. Park spun it around a couple of corners, getting the feel of the wheel. The mirror showed the other car still following. Park opened the “strangle” and whisked around the next corner. No sooner had he straightened out than he threw the car into another dizzy turn. The tires screeched and Dunedin yelped as they shot into an alleyway. The pursuers whizzed by without seeing them.

An egg-bald man in shirtsleeves popped out of a door in the alley. “Hi,” he said, “this ain’t no hitching place.” He looked at Park’s left front fender, clucking. “Looks like you took off some paint.”

Park smiled. “I was just looking for a room, and I saw your sign. How much are you asking?”

“Forty-five a month.”

Park made a show of writing this down. He asked: “What’s the address, please?”

“One twenty-five Isleif.”

“Thanks. I’ll be back, maybe.” Park backed out, with a scrape of fender against stone, and asked Dunedin directions. Dunedin, gray of face, gave them. Park looked at him and chuckled. “Nothing to be scared of, old boy. I knew I had a good two inches clearance on both sides.”

The Sachem awaited Park in the shade of the bathhouse. He swept off his bonnet with a theatrical flourish. “Haw, Hallow! A fair day for our tryst.” Park reflected that on a dull day you could smell Rufus Callahan’s breath almost as far as you could see Rufus Callahan. He continued: “The west end’s best for talk. I have a local knick watching in case Greenfield sends a prowler. Did they follow you out?”

Park told him, meanwhile wondering how to handle the interview so as to make it yield the most information. They passed the end of the bathhouse, and Allister Park checked his stride. The beach was covered with naked men and women. Not quite naked; each had a gaily colored belt of elastic webbing around his or her middle. Just that. Park resumed his walk at Callahan’s amused look.

Callahan said: “If the head knick, Lewis, weren’t a friend of mine, I shouldn’t be here. If I ever did get pulled up-well, the judges are all MacSvensson’s men, just as Greenfield is.” Park remembered that Offa Greenfield was mayor of New Belfast. Callahan continued: “While MacSvensson’s away, the pushing eases a little.”

“When’s he due back?” asked Park.

“In a week maybe.” Callahan waved an arm toward distant New Belfast. “What a fair burg, and what a wretched wick to rule it! How do you like it?”

“Why, I live there, don’t I?”

Callahan chuckled. “Wonderful, my dear Hallow, wonderful. In another week nobody’ll know you aren’t his hallowship at all.”

“Meaning what?”

“Oh, you needn’t look at me with that wooden face. You’re nay mair Bishop Scoglund than I am.”

“Yeah?” said Park noncommittally. He lit one of the bishop’s pipes.

“How about a jinn?” asked Callahan.

Park looked at him, until the Sachem got out a cigarette.

Park lit it for him, silently conceding one to the opposition. How was he to know that a jinn was a match? He asked: “Suppose I was hit on the head?”

The big Skrelling grinned broadly. “That mick spoil your recall, in spots, but it wouldn’t give you that frickful word-tone you were using when we befreed you. I see you’ve gotten rid of most of it, by the way. How did you do that in thirty — some hours?”

Park gave up. The man might be just a slightly drunken Indian with a conspiratorial manner, but he had the goods on Allister. He explained: “I found a bunch of records of some of my sermons, and played them over and over on the machine.”

“My, my, you are a cool one! Joe Noggle mick have done worse when he picked your mind to swap with the bishop’s. Who are you, in sooth? Or perhaps I should say who were you?”

Park puffed placidly. “I’ll exchange information, but I won’t give it away.”

When Callahan agreed to tell Park all he wanted to know, Park told his story. Callahan looked thoughtful. He said: “I’m nay brain-wizard, but they do say there’s a theory that every time the history of the world hinges on some decision, there are two worlds, one that which would happen if the card fell one way, the other that which would follow from the other.”

“Which is the real one?”

“That I can’t tell you. But they do say Noggle can swap minds with his thocks, and I don’t doubt it’s swapping between one of these possible worlds and another they mean.”

He went on to tell Park of the bishop’s efforts to emancipate the Skrellings, in the teeth of the opposition of the ruling Diamond Party. This party’s strength was mainly among the rural squirearchy of the west and south, but it also controlled New Belfast through the local boss, Ivor MacSvensson. If Scoglund’s amendment to the Bretwaldate’s constitution went through at the next session of the national Thing, as seemed likely if the Ruby Party ousted the Diamonds at the forthcoming election, the squirearchy might revolt. The independent Skrelling nations of the west and south had been threatening intervention on behalf of their abused minority. (That sounded familiar to Park, except that, if he took what he had read and heard at its face value, the minority really had something to kick about this time.) The Diamonds wouldn’t mind a war, because in that case the elections, which they expected to lose, would be called off…

“You’re not listening, Thane Park, or should I say Hallow Scoglund?”

“Nice little number,” said Park, nodding toward a pretty blonde girl on the beach. Callahan clucked. “Such a wording from a strict wed-less!”

“What?”

“You’re a pillar of the church, aren’t you?”

“Oh, my Lord!” Park hadn’t thought of that angle. The Celtic Christian Church, despite its libertarian tradition, was strict on the one subject of sex.

“Anyhow,” said Callahan, “what shall we do with you? For you’re bound to arouse mistrust.”

Park felt the wrench in his pocket. “I want to get back. Got a whole career going to smash in my own world.”

“Unless the fellow who’s running your body knows what to do with it.”

“Not much chance.” Park could visualize Frenczko or Burt frantically calling his apartment to learn why he didn’t appear; the unintelligible answers they would get from the bewildered inhabitant of his body; the cops screaming up in the struggle-buggy to cart the said body off to Belleview; the headline: “PROSECUTOR BREAKS DOWN.” So they yanked me here as a bit of dirty politics, eh? I’ll get back, but meantime I’ll show ’em some real politics!

Callahan continued: “The only man who could unswap you is Joseph Noggle, and he’s in his own daffybin.”

“Huh?”

“They found him wandering about, clean daft. It’s a good deed you didn’t put in a slur against him; they’d have stripped you in court in nay time.”

“Maybe that’s what they wanted to do.”

“That’s an idea! That’s why they were so anxious for you to go to the lair. I don’t doubt they’ll be watching for to pull you up on some little charge; it won’t matter whether you’re guilty or not. Once they get hold of you, you’re headed for Noggle’s inn. What a way to get rid of the awkward bishop without pipe or knife!”

When Callahan had departed with another flourish, Park looked for the girl. She had gone too. The day was blistering, and the water inviting. Since you didn’t need a bathing suit to swim in Vinland, why not try it?

Park returned to the bathhouse and rented a locker. He stowed his clothes, and looked at himself in the nearest mirror. The bishop didn’t take half enough exercise, he thought, looking at the waistline. He’d soon fix that. No excuse for a man’s getting out of shape that way.

He strolled out, feeling a bit exposed with his white skin among all these bronzed people, but not showing it in his well-disciplined face. A few stared. Maybe it was his whiteness; maybe they thought they recognized the bishop. He plunged in and headed out. He swam like a porpoise, but shortness of breath soon reminded him that the bishop’s body wasn’t up to Allister Park’s standards. He cut loose with a few casual curses, since there was nobody to overhear, and swam back.

As he dripped out onto the sand, a policeman approached, thundering: “You! You’re under stoppage!”

“What for?”

“Shameful outputting!”

“But look at those!” protested Park, waving at the other bathers.

“That’s just it! Come along, now!”

Park went, forgetting his anger in concern as to the best method of avoiding trouble. If the judges were MacSvensson men, and MacSvensson was out to expose him… He dressed under the cop’s eagle eye, thanking his stars he’d had the foresight to wear non-clerical clothes.

The cop ordered: “Give your name and address to the bookholder.”

“Allister Park, 125 Isleif Street, New Belfast.”

The clerk filled out a blank; the cop added a few lines to it. Park and the cop went and sat down for a while, waiting. Park watched the legal procedure of this little court keenly.

The clerk called: “Thane Park!” and handed the form up to the judge. The cop went over and whispered to the judge. The judge said: “All women will kindly leave the courtroom!” There were only three; they went out.

“Allister Park,” said the judge, “you are marked with shameful outputting. How do you plead?”

“I don’t understand this, your honor — I mean your жrness,” said Park. “I wasn’t doing anything the other people on the beach weren’t.”

The judge frowned. “Knick Woodson says you afterthockly exposed-uh-” The judge looked embarrassed.

“You afterthockly output your — uh-” he lowered his voice. “Your navel,” he hissed. The judge blushed.

“Is that considered indecent?”

“Don’t try to be funny. It’s not in good taste. I ask you again, how do you plead?” Park hesitated a second. “Do you recognize the plea of non vult?”

“What’s that? Latin? We don’t use Latin here.”

“Well then — a plea that I didn’t mean any harm, and am throwing myself on the mercy of the court.”

“Oh, you mean a plea of good will. That’s not usually used in a freerighter’s court, but I don’t see why you can’t. What’s your excuse?”

“You see, your honor, I’ve been living out in Dakotia for many years, and I’ve rather gotten out of civilized habits. But I’ll catch on quickly enough. If you want a character reference, my friend Ivor MacSvensson will give me one.”

The judge’s eyebrows went up, like a buzzard hoisting its wings for the takeoff. “You ken Thane MacSvensson?”

“Oh, sure.”

“Hrrrmph. Well. He’s out of town. But — uh — if that’s so, I’m sure you’re a good burger. I hereby sentence you to ten days in jail, sentence withheld until I can check your mooding, and thereafter on your good acting. You are free.”

Like a good thane’s thane, Eric Dunedin kept his curiosity to himself. This became a really heroic task when he was sent out to buy a bottle of soluble hair dye, a false mustache, and a pair of phoney spectacles with flat glass panes in them.

There was no doubt about it; the boss was a changed man since his reappearance. He had raised Dunedin’s salary, and except for occasional outbursts of choler treated him very considerately. The weird accent had largely disappeared; but this hard, inscrutable man wasn’t the bishop Dunedin had known.

Park presented himself in his disguise to the renting agent at 125 Isleif. He said: “Remember me? I was here this morning asking about a room.” The man said sure he remembered him; he never forgot a face. Park rented a small two-room apartment, calling himself Allister Park. Later in the evening he took some books, a folder of etchings, and a couple of suitcases full of clothes over. When he returned to the bishop’s house he found another car with a couple of large watchful men waiting at the curb. Rather than risk contact with a hostile authority, he went back to his new apartment and read. Around midnight he dropped in at a small hash house for a cup of coffee. In fifteen minutes he was calling the waitress “sweetie-pie.” The etchings worked like a charm.

Dunedin looked out the window and announced: “Two wains and five knicks, Hallow. The twoth wain drew up just now. The men in it look as if they’d eat their own mothers without salt.”

Park thought. He had to get out somehow. He had looked into the subject of search warrants, illegal entry, and so forth, as practiced in the Bretwaldate of Vinland, and was reasonably sure the detectives wouldn’t invade his house. The laws of Vinland gave what Park thought was an impractically exaggerated sanctity to a man’s home, but he was glad of that as things were. However, if he stepped out, the pack would be all over him with charges of drunken driving, conspiracy to violate the tobacco tax, and anything else they could think of.

He telephoned the “knicks’ branch,” or police department, and spoke falsetto: “Are you the knicks? Glory be to Patrick and Bridget! I’m Wife Caroline Chisholm, at 79 Mercia, and we have a crazy man running up and down the halls naked with an ax. Sure he’s killed my poor husband already; spattered his brains all over the hall he did, and I’m locked in my room and looking for him to break in any time.” Park stamped on the floor, and continued: “Eeek! That’s the monster now, trying to break the door down. Oh, hurry, I pray. He’s shouting that he’s going to chop me in little bits and feed me to his cat!.. Yes, 79 Mercia. Eeeee! Save me!”

He hung up and went back to the window. In five minutes, as he expected, the gongs of the police wains sounded, and three of the vehicles skidded around the corner and stopped in front of No. 79, down the block. Funny hats tumbled out like oranges from a burst paper bag, and raced up the front steps with guns and ropes enough to handle Gargantua. The five who had been watching the house got out of their cars too and ran down the block.

Allister Park lit his pipe, and strode briskly out the front door, down the street away from the disturbance, and around the corner.

Park was announced, as Bishop Scoglund, to Dr. Edwy Borup. The head of the Psychophysical Institute was a smallish, bald, snaggle-toothed man, who smiled with an uneasy cordiality.

Park smiled back. “Wonderful work you’ve been doing, Dr. Borup.” After handing out a few more vague compliments, he got down to business. “I understand that poor Dr. Noggle is now one of your patients?”

“Umm — uh — yes, Reverend Hallow. He is. Uh — his lusty working seems to have brock on a brainly breakdown.” Park sighed. “The good Lord will see him through, let us hope. I wonder if I could see him? I had some small kenning of him before his trouble. He once told me he’d like my spiritual guidance, when he got around to it.”

“Well — umm — I’m not sure it would be wise — in his kilter-”

“Oh, come now, Dr. Borup; surely thocks of hicker things would be good for him…”

The sharp-nosed, gray-haired man who had been Joseph Noggle sat morosely in his room, hardly bothering to look up when Park entered.

“Well, my friend,” said Park, “what have they been doing to you?”

“Nothing,” said the man. His voice had a nervous edge. “That’s the trouble. Every day I’m a different man in a different sanitarium. Each day they tell me that two days previously I got violent and tried to poke somebody in the nose. I haven’t poked nobody in the nose. Why in God’s name don’t they do something? Sure, I know I’m crazy. I’ll cooperate, if they’ll do something.”

“There, there,” said Park. “The good Lord watches over all of us. By the way, what were you before your trouble started?”

“I taught singing.”

Park thought several “frickful aiths.” If a singing teacher, or somebody equally incompetent for his kind of work, were in his body now…

He lit a pipe and talked soothingly and inconsequentially to the man, who though not in a pleasant mood, was too grateful for a bit of company to discourage him. Finally he got what he was waiting for. A husky male nurse came in to take the patient’s temperature and tell Park that his time was up.

Park hung around, on one excuse or another, until the nurse had finished. Then he followed the nurse out and grasped his arm.

“What is it, Hallow?” asked the nurse.

“Are you poor Noggle’s regular attendant?”

“Yes.”

“Got any kinfolk, or people you like specially, in the priesthood?”

“Yes, there’s my Aunt Thyra. She’s a nun at the New Lindisfarne Abbey.”

“Like to see her advanced?”

“Why — I guess so; yes. She’s always been pretty good to me.”

“All right. Here’s what you do. Can you get out, or send somebody out, to telephone Noggle’s condition to me every morning before noon?”

The nurse guessed he could. “All right,” snapped Park. “And it won’t do anybody any good if anybody knows you’re doing it, understand?” He realized that his public-prosecutor manner was creeping back on him. He smiled benignly. “The Lord will bless you, my son.”

Park telephoned Dunedin; asked him to learn the name of somebody who dwelt on the top floor of the apartment house next door, and to collect one ladder, thirty feet of rope, and one brick. He made him call back the name of the top-floor tenant. “But Hallow, what in the name of Patrick do you want a brick for…”

Park, chuckling, told him he’d learn. When he got off the folkwain at Mercia Street, he didn’t walk boldly up to his own house. He entered the apartment house next door and said he was calling on Mrs. Figgis, his clericals constituting adequate credentials. When the elevator-man let him out on the top floor, he simply climbed to the roof and whistled for Monkey-face. He directed Dunedin in the tieing of the end of the rope to the brick, the heaving thereof to the roof of the apartment house, and the planting of the ladder to bridge the ten-foot gap. After that it was a simple matter for Park to lower himself to his own roof, without being intercepted by the watchdogs in front of his house.

As soon as he got in, the phone rang. A sweetness-and-light voice at the other end said: “This is Cooley, Hallow. Every time I’ve called your man has said you were out or else that you couldn’t be bothered!”

“That’s right,” said Park. “I was.”

“Yes? Anyway, we’re all giving praises to the Lord that you were spared.”

“That’s fine,” said Park.

“It surely is a wonderful case of how His love watches over us-”

“What’s on your mind, Cooley?” said Park, sternly repressing a snarl of impatience.

“Oh — uh — what I meant was, will you give your usual sermon next Sunday?”

Park thought quickly. If he could give a sermon and get away with it, it ought to discourage the people who were trying to prove the bishop loony. “Sure I will. Where are you calling from?”

“Why — uh — the vestry.” Some damned assistant, thought Park. “But, Hallow, won’t you come up tonight? I’m getting some of the parishioners together in the chapel for a homish thanksgiving stint — with hymns of-”

“I’m afraid not,” said Park. “Give ’em my love anyway. There goes my doorbell. Bye.” He marched into the library, muttering. Dunedin asked: “What is it, Hallow?”

“Gotta prepare a goddam sermon,” said Park, taking some small pleasure at his thane’s thane’s expression of horror.

Fortunately the bishop was an orderly man. There were manuscripts of all his sermons for the past five years, and phonograph records (in the form of magnetized wire) of several. There was also plenty of information about the order of procedure in a Celtic Christian service. Park set about concocting a sermon out of fragments and paragraphs of those the bishop had delivered during the past year, playing the spools of wire over and over to learn the bishop’s inflections. He wished he had some way of getting the bishop’s gestures, too.

He was still at it next day when he dimly heard his doorbell. He thought nothing of it, trusting to Dunedin to turn the visitor away, until Monkey-face came in and announced that a pair of knicks awaited without.

Park jumped up. “Did you let ’em in?”

“No, Hallow, I thought-”

“Good boy! I’ll take care of ’em.”

The larger of the two cops smiled disarmingly. “Can we come in, Hallow, to use your wiretalker?”

“Nope,” said Park. “Sorry.”

The knick frowned. “In that case we gotta come in anyway. Mistrust of unlawful owning of pipe.” He put his foot in the door crack.

A pipe, Park knew, was a gun. He turned and stamped on the toe of the shoe, hard; then slammed the door shut as the foot was jerked back. There were some seconds of “frickful aiths” wafting through the door, then the pounding of a fist against it.

“Get a warrant!” Park yelled through the door. The noise subsided. Park called Dunedin and told him to lock the other entrances. Presently the knicks departed. Park’s inference, based upon what he had been able to learn of Vinland law, that they would not force an entrance without a warrant, had proved correct. However, they would be back, and there is nothing especially difficult about “finding” an illegal weapon in a man’s house, whether he had one before or not.

So Park packed a suitcase, climbed to the roof of the adjoining apartment, and went down the elevator. The elevator man looked at him in a marked manner. Once in the street, he made sure nobody was looking, and slapped on his mustache and glasses. He pulled his bonnet well down to hide his undyed hair, and walked over to Allister Park’s place. There he telephoned Dunedin, and directed him to call the city editors of all the pro-bishop newspapers and tip them off that an attempt to frame the bishop impended. He told Dunedin to let the reporters in when they came; the more the better. Preferably there should be at least one in every room. Now, he thought, let those flatfeet try to sneak a gun into one of my bureau drawers so they can “find” it and raise a stink.

He spent the night at the apartment, and the next day, having gotten his sermon in shape, he paid a visit to his church. He found a functionary of some sort in an office, and told him that he, Allister Park, was considering getting married in St. Columbanus’, and would the functionary (a Th. Morgan) please show him around? Th. Morgan was pleased to; Dr. Cooley usually did that job, but he was out this afternoon. Park looked sharply through his phoney spectacles, memorizing the geography of the place. He wished now he’d passed up the sermon for one more week, and had instead attended next Sunday’s service as Allister Park, so that he could see how the thing was done. But it was too late now. Morgan broke in on his thoughts: “There’s Dr. Cooley now, Thane Park; wouldn’t you like to meet him?”

“Ulp,” said Park. “Sorry; got to see a man. Thanks a lot.” Before the startled cleric could protest, Park was making for the door as fast as he could go without breaking into a run. The plump, rosy young man in pincenez, whom Park saw out of the corner of his eye, must be Cooley. Park had no intention of submitting his rather thin disguise to his assistant’s inspection.

He telephoned the bishop’s home. The other people in the lunchroom were startled by the roar of laughter that came through the glass of his telephone booth as Dunedin described the two unhappy cops trying to plant a gun in his house under the noses of a dozen hostile wise-cracking reporters. Monkey-face added: “I–I took the freedom, your hallowship, of finding out that two of the newsers live right near here. If the knicks try that again, and these newsers are at home, we could wirecall them over.”

“You’re learning fast, old boy,” said Park. “Guess I can come home now.”

It was Saturday when Dunedin answered a call from the Psychophysical Institute. He cocked an eye upward, whence came a series of irregular whams as if trunks were being tossed downstairs. “Yes,” he said. “I’ll get him.” As he wheezed upstairs, the whams gave way to a quick, muffled drumming. If anything were needed to convince him that something drastic had happened to his master’s mind, the installation and regular use of a horizontal bar and a punching bag in a disused room was it.

Park, in a pair of sweat-soaked shorts, turned his pale eyes. Good old Monkey-face. Park, who treated subordinates with great consideration, never told Dunedin what he thought he looked like.

“It’s the man at the Psychophysical Institute,” announced Dunedin.

The male nurse announced that, for a change, Joseph Noggle was claiming to be Joseph Noggle.

Park grabbed his bonnet and drove the steamer over. Borup asked: “But, my dear, dear Hallow, why must you — uh — see this one patient? There are plenty mair who could use your ghostly guidance.”

Fool amateur, thought Park. If he doesn’t want me to know why he wants to keep Noggle locked up, why doesn’t he say he’s violent or something? This way he’s giving away his whole game. But aloud he gave a few smooth, pious excuses, and got in to see his man.

The original, authentic Noggle had a quick, nervous manner. It didn’t take him more than a minute to catch on to who Park-Scoglund was.

“Look here,” he said. “Look here. I’ve got to get out. I’ve got to get at my books and onmarkings. If I don’t get out now, while I’m in my own body, I shan’t be able to stop this damned merry-go-round for another six days!”

“You mean, my son, that you occupy your own body every six days? What happens the rest of the time?”

“The rest of the time I’m going around the wheel, indwelling ane after another of the bodies of the other men on my wheel. And the minds of these other men are following me around likewise. So every ane of the six bodies has each of our six minds in it in turn every six days.”

“I see.” Park smiled benignly. “And what’s this wheel you talk about?”

“I call it my wheel of if. Each of the other five men on it are the men I should most likely have been if certain things had been otherwise. For instance, the man in whose body my mind dwelt yesterday was the man I should most likely have been if King Egbert had fallen off his horse in 1781.”

Park didn’t stop to inquire about King Egbert or the sad results of his poor equestrianism. He asked softly: “How did your wheel get started in the first place?”

“It was when I tried to stop yours! Law of keeping of psychic momentum, you know. I got careless, and the momentum of your wheel was overchanged to mine. So I’ve been going around ever since. Now look here, whatever your name is, I’ve got to get out of here, or I’ll never get stopped. I ordered them to let me out this morning, but all they’d say was that they’d see about it tomorrow. Tomorrow my body’ll be occupied by some other wheel-mate, and they’ll say I’m crazy again. Borup won’t let me go anyway if he can help it; he likes my job. But you’ve got to use your inflowing as bishop-”

“Oh,” said Park silkily, “I’ve got to use my influence, eh? Just one more question. Are we all on wheels? And how many of these possible worlds are there?”

“Yes, we’re all on wheels. The usual number of rooms on a wheel is fourteen — that’s the number on yours — though it sometimes varies. The number of worlds is infinite, or almost, so that the chances that anybody on my wheel would be living in the same world as anybody on yours is pretty small. But that’s not weightful. The weightful thing is to get me out so-”

“Ah yes, that’s the weightful thing, isn’t it? But suppose you tell me why you started my wheel in the first place?”

“It was just a forseeking in the mental control of wheels.”

“You’re lying,” said Park softly.

“Oh, I’m lying, am I? Well then, reckon out your own reason.”

“I’m sorry that you take this attitude, my son. How can I help you if you won’t put your trust in me and in God?”

“Oh, come on, don’t play-act. You’re not the bishop, and you know it.”

“Ah, but I was a churchman in my former being.” Park fairly oozed holiness. “That’s not odd, is it? Since I was the man the bishop would most likely have been if King Oswiu had chosen for the Romans, and the Arabs had lost the battle of Tours.”

“You’d hold yourself bound by professional confidence?” Park looked shocked. “What a thock! Of course I would.”

“All right. I’m something of a sportsman, you know. About a month ago I got badly pinched by the ponies, and I — ah — borrowed a little heading on my pay from the Institute’s funds. Of course I’d have paid it back; it was really quite an honest deed. But I had to make a few little — ah — rightings in the books, because otherwise one who didn’t understand the conditions might have drawn the wrong thocks from them.

“Ivor MacSvensson somehow found out, and threatened to put me in jail if I didn’t use my mental powers to start your wheel of if going until it had made a half-turn, and then stop it. With another man’s mind in the bishop’s body, it ought to be easy to prove the bishop daft; in any event his inflowing would be destroyed. But as you know, it didn’t work out quite that way. You seemingly aren’t in anybody’s custody. So you’ll have to do something to get me out.”

Park leaned forward and fixed Noggle with the bishop’s fish-pale eyes. He said harshly: “You know, Noggle, I admire you. For a guy who robs his hospital, and then to get out of it goes and starts fourteen men’s minds spinning around, ruining their lives and maybe driving some of them crazy or to self-killing, you have more gall than a barn rat. You sit there and tell me, one of your victims, that I’ll have to do something to get you out. Why, damn your lousy little soul, if you ever do get out I’ll give you a case of lumps that’ll make you think somebody dropped a mountain on you!”

Noggle paled a bit. “Then — then you weren’t a churchman in your own world?”

“Hell, no! My business was putting lice like you in jail. And I still ock to be able to do that here, with what you so kindly told me just now.”

Noggle swallowed as this sank in. “But — you promised-”

Park laughed unpleasantly. “Sure I did. I never let a little thing like a promise to a crook keep me awake nights.”

“But you want to get back, don’t you? And I’m the only one who can send you back, and you’ll have to get me out of here before I can do anything-”

“There is that,” said Park thoughtfully. “But I don’t know. Maybe I’ll like it here when I get used to it. I can always have the fun of coming around here every sixth day and giving you the horse-laugh.”

“You’re — a devil!”

Park laughed again. “Thanks. You thought you’d get some poor bewildered dimwit in Scoglund’s body, didn’t you? Well, you’ll learn just how wrong you were.” He stood up. “I’ll let you stay here a while more as Dr. Borup’s prize looney. Maybe when you’ve been taken down a peg we can talk business. Meanwhile, you might form a club with those other five guys on your wheel. You could leave notes around for each other to find. So long, Dr. Svengali!”

Ten minutes later Park was in Borup’s office, with a bland episcopal smile on his face. He asked Borup, apropos of nothing in particular, a lot of questions about the rules involving commitment and release of inmates.

“Nay,” said Edwy Borup firmly. “We could — uh — parole a patient in your care only if he were rick most of the time. Those that are wrong most of the time, like poor Dr. Noggle, have to stay here.”

It was all very definite. But Park had known lots of people who were just as definite until pressure was brought to bear on them from the right quarter.

The nearer the Sunday service came, the colder became Allister Park’s feet. Which, for such an aggressive, selfconfident man, was peculiar. But when he thought of all the little details, the kneeling and getting up again, the facing this way and that… He telephoned Cooley at the cathedral. He had, he said, a cold, and would Cooley handle everything but the sermon? “Surely, Hallow, surely. The Lord will see to it that you’re fully restored soon, I hope. I’ll say a special prayer for you…”

It was also time, Park thought, to take Monkey-face into his confidence. He told him all, whereat Dunedin’s eyes grew very large. “Now, old boy,” said Park briskly, “if you ever want to get your master back into his own body, you’ll have to help me out. For instance, here’s that damned sermon. I’m going to read it, and you’ll correct my pronunciation and gestures.”

Sunday afternoon, Park returned wearily to the bishop’s house. The sermon had gone off easily enough; but then he’d had to greet hundreds of people he didn’t know, as if they were old friends. And he’d had to parry scores of questions about his absence. He had, he thought, earned a drink.

“A highball?” asked Dunedin. “What’s that?”

Park explained. Dunedin looked positively shocked. “But Thane P — I mean Hallow, isn’t it bad for your insides to drink such cold stuff?”

“Never mind my insides! I’ll — hullo, who’s that?”

Dunedin answered the doorbell, and reported that a Th. Figgis wanted to see the bishop. Park said to show him in. There was something familiar about that name. The man himself was tall, angular, and grim-looking. As soon as Dunedin had gone, he leaned forward and hissed dramatically: “I’ve got you now, Bishop Scoglund! What are you going to do about it?”

“What am I going to do about what?”

“My wife!”

“What about your wife?”

“You know well enough. You went up to my rooms last Tuesday, while I was away, and came down again Wednesday.”

“Don’t be an ass,” said Park. “I’ve never been in your rooms in my life, and I’ve never met your wife.”

“Oh, yes? Don’t try to fool me, you wolf in priest’s clothing! I’ve got witnesses. By God, I’ll fix you, you seducer!”

“Oh, that!” Park grinned, and explained his ladder-and-rope procedure.

“Think I believe that?” sneered Figgis. “If you weren’t a priest I’d challenge you and cut your liver out and eat it. As it is, I can make things so hot for you-”

“Now, now,” interrupted Park, “Be reasonable. I’m sure we can come to an understanding-”

“Trying to bribe me, huh?”

“I wouldn’t put it just that way.”

“So you think you can buy my honor, do you? Well, what’s your offer?”

Park sighed. “I thought so. Just another goddam blackmailer. Get out, louse!”

“But aren’t you going to-”

Park jumped up, spun Figgis around, and marched him toward the door. “Out, I said! If you think you can get away with spreading your little scandal around, go to it. You’ll learn that you aren’t the only one who knows things about other people.” Figgis tried to wriggle loose. Park kicked him into submission, and sent him staggering down the front steps with a final shove.

Dunedin looked awedly at this formidable creature into which his master had been metamorphosed. “Do you really know something to keep him quiet, Hallow?”

“Nope. But my experience is that most men of his age have something they’d rather not have known. Anyway, you’ve got to take a strong line with these blackmailers, or they’ll raise no end of hell. Of course, my son, we hope the good Lord will show our erring brother the folly of his sinful ways, don’t we?” Park winked.

Being a bishop entailed much more than putting on a one-hour performance at the cathedral every Sunday, as Park soon learned. But he transacted as much of his episcopal business as he could at home, and put the rest onto Cooley. He didn’t yet feel that his impersonation was good enough to submit to close-range examination by his swarm of subordinates.

While he was planning his next step, an accident unexpectedly opened the way for him. He had just settled himself in the Isleif Street apartment the evening of Tuesday April 26th, when a young man rang his doorbell. It took about six seconds to diagnose the young man as a fledgling lawyer getting a start on a political career as a precinct worker.

“No,” said Park, “I won’t sign your petition to nominate Thane Hammar, because I don’t know him. I’ve just moved here from Dakotia. But I’d like to come around to the clubhouse and meet the boys.”

The young man glowed. “Why don’t you? There’s a meeting of the precinct workers tomorrow night, and voters are always welcome.”

The clubhouse walls were covered with phoney Viking shields and weapons. “Who’s he?” Park asked his young lawyer through the haze of smoke. “He” was a florid man to whom several were paying obsequious attention.

“That’s Trigvy Darling, Brahtz’s parasite.” Park caught a note of dislike, and added it to the new card in his mental index file. Brahtz was a Diamond thingman from a western province, the leader of the squirearchy. In this somewhat naive culture, a gentleman had to demonstrate his financial standing by supporting a flock of idle friends, or deputy gentlemen. The name of the parasite was not merely accurate, but was accepted by these hangers-on without any feeling of derogation.

Through the haze wove an unpleasantly familiar angular figure. Park’s grip on the edge of the table automatically tightened. “Haw, Morrow,” said Figgis, and looked at Park. “Haven’t I met you somewhere?”

“Maybe,” said Park. “Ever live in Dakotia?”

Morrow, the young lawyer, introduced Park as Park. Park fervently hoped his disguise was thick enough. Figgis acknowledged the introduction, but continued to shoot uneasy little glances at Park. “I could swear-” he said. Just then the meeting was called. Although it would have driven a lot of people to suicide from boredom, Park enjoyed the interplay of personalities, the quick fencing with parliamentary rules by various factions. These rules differed from those he was used to, being derived from those of the ancient Icelandic Thing instead of the English Parliament. But the idea was the same. The local members wanted to throw a party for the voters of the hide (district). A well-knit minority led by the parasite Darling wanted to save the money for contribution to the national war chest.

Park waited until the question was just about to be put to a vote, then snapped his fingers for the chairman’s attention. The chairman, an elderly dodderer, recognized him.

“My friends,” said Park, lurching to his feet, “of course I don’t know that I really ock to say anything, being just a new incomer from the wilds of Dakotia. But I’ve always voted Diamond, and so did my father and his father before him, and so on back as far as there was any Diamond Party. So I think I can claim as solid a party membership as some folks who live in New Belfast three months out of the year, and spend the rest of their time upholding the monetary repute of certain honorable country thanes.” Park, with satisfaction, saw Darling jerk his tomato-colored face around, and heard a few snickers. “Though,” he continued, “taking the healthy skin you get from country life, I don’t know but what I envy such people.” (More snickers.) “Now it seems to me that…”

Twenty minutes later the party had been voted: Park was the chairman (since he alone seemed really anxious to assume responsibility); and Trigvy Darling, at whose expense Park had acquired a frothy popularity by his jibes, had turned from vermillion to magenta.

After the meeting, Park found himself in a group of people including the chairman and Figgis. Figgis was saying something about that scoundrel Scoglund, when his eye caught Park’s. He grinned his slightly sepulchral grin. “I know now why I thock I’d met you! You remind me of the bishop!”

“Know him?”

“I met him once. Say, Dutt,” (this was to the aged chairman) “what date’s set for your withdrawal?”

“Next meeting,” quavered the ancient one. “Ah, here is our crown prince, heh, heh!” Darling, his face back to normal tomato-color, advanced. “Do you ken Thane Park?”

“I ken him well enough,” growled Darling with the look of one who has found a cockroach in his ice cream. “It seems to me, Thane Dutt, that part of a chairman’s duty is to stop use of personalities on the part of speakers.”

“You can always plead point of personal privilege, heh, heh.”

Darling did something in his throat that was not quite articulate speech. Figgis murmured: “He knows the boys would laugh him down if he tried it.”

“Yeah?” said Darling. “We’ll see about that when I’m chairman.” He stalked off.

Park wasted no time in exploiting his new job. Knowing that Ivor MacSvensson was due back in New Belfast the next day, he went around — as Allister Park — to the law office used by the boss as a front for his activities. The boss was already in, but the outer office was jammed with favor seekers. Park, instead of preparing to spend the morning awaiting his turn, bribed the office boy to tell him when and where MacSvensson ate his lunch. Then he went to the nearby public library — movies not having been invented in this world — and took his ease until one o’clock.

Unfortunately, Ivor MacSvensson failed to show up at the restaurant indicated, though Park stretched one tuna-fish lunch out for half an hour. Park cursed the lying office boy. Plain bribery he was hardened to, but he really became indignant when the bribee failed to deliver. So he set about it the hard way. A nearby knick gave him the locations of the five highest-priced restaurants in the neighborhood, and in the third he found his man. He recognized him from the pictures he had studied before starting his search — a big, good — looking fellow with cold blue eyes and prematurely white hair.

Park marched right up. “Haw, Thane MacSvensson. Bethink you me?”

MacSvensson looked puzzled for a fraction of a second, but he said smoothly: “Sure, of course I bethink me of you. Your name is — uh-”

“Allister Park, chairman of the amusement committee of the Tenth Hide,” Park rattled off. “I only met you recently, just before you left.”

“Sure, of course. I’d know you anywhere — let’s see, Judge Vidolf of Bridget’s Beach wirecalled me this morning; wanted to know if I kenned you. Told him I’d call him back.” He gripped Park’s hand. “Come on, sit down. Sure, of course, any good party worker is a friend of mine. What’s the Tenth Hide doing?”

Park told of the party. MacSvensson whistled. “Saturday the thirtieth? That’s day after tomorrow.”

“I can manage it,” said Park. “Maybe you could tell me where I could pick up some sober bartenders.”

“Sure, of course.” Under Park’s deferential prodding, the boss gave him all the information he needed. MacSvensson finished with the quick, vigorous handshake cultivated by people who have to shake thousands of hands and who don’t want to develop a case of greeter’s cramp. He urged Park to come around and see him again.

“Especially after that fellow Darling gets the chairmanship of your committee.”

Park went, grinning a little to himself. He knew just what sort of impression he had made, and could guess how the boss was reacting to it. He’d be glad to get a vigorous, aggressive worker in the organization; at the same time he’d want to keep a close watch on him to see that his power wasn’t undermined.

Park congratulated himself on having arrived in a world where the political setup had a recognizable likeness to that of his own. In an absolute monarchy, for instance, he’d have a hell of a time learning the particular brand of intrigue necessary to become a king’s favorite. As it was…

The Bridget’s Beach knicks stood glowering at a safe distance from the throng of picnickers. Although they were anti-MacSvensson, the judges were pro, so what could they do about it if the party violated the ordinances regarding use of the beach? Since Park’s fellow committeemen were by now too sodden with beer to do anything at all, Park was dashing around, clad in a pair of tennis shoes and the absurd particolored belt that constituted the Vinland bathing suit, running everything himself. Everybody seemed to be having a good time-party workers, the more influential of the voters and their families, everybody but a morose knot of Darling amp; followers at one end.

Near this knot a group of anti-Darlings was setting up a song:

Park hurried up to shush them. Things were going fine, and he didn’t want a fight — yet, at any rate. But his efforts were lost in the next stanza:

At that moment, apparently, a giant hit Allister Park over the head with a Sequoia sempervirens. He reeled a few steps, shook the tears out of his eyes, and faced Trigvy Darling, advancing with large fists cocked.

“Hey,” said Park, “this isn’t-” He brought up his own fists. But Darling, instead of trying to hit him again, faced him for three seconds and then spat at him.

Park glanced at the drop of saliva trickling down his chest. So did everyone else. One of Darling’s friends asked:

“Do you make that a challenge, Trig?”

“Yes!” boomed the parasite.

Park didn’t really catch on to what was coming until he was surrounded by his own party. He and Darling were pushed together until their bare chests were a foot apart. Somebody called the knicks over; these stationed themselves around the couple. Somebody else produced a long leather belt, which he fastened around the middies of both men at once, so they could not move farther apart. Darling, his red face expressionless, grabbed Park’s right wrist with his left hand, and held out his own right forearm, evidently expecting Park to do the same.

It was not until a big sheath-knife was pressed into each man’s right hand that Park knew he was in a duel. Somehow he had missed this phase of Vinland custom in his reading.

Park wondered frantically whether his mustache would come off in the struggle. One knick stepped up and said:

“You know the rules: no kicking, biting, butting, or scratching. Penalty for a foul is one free stab. Ready?”

“Yes,” said Darling. “Yes,” said Park, with more confidence than he felt.

“Go,” said the policeman.

Park felt an instant surge of his opponent’s muscles. Darling had plenty of these under the fat. If he’d only had longer to train the bishop’s body… Darling wrenched his wrist loose from Park’s grip, threw a leg around one of Park’s to trip him, and brought his fist down in a lightning overhand stab.

It was too successful. Park’s leg went out from under him and he landed with a thump on his back, dragging Darling down on top of him. Darling drove his knife up to the hilt in the sand. When he jerked it up for another stab, Park miraculously caught his wrist again. A heave, and Darling toppled onto the sand beside him. For seconds they strained and panted, a tangle of limbs.

Park, his heart laboring and sand in his eyes, wrenched his own knife-arm free. But when he stabbed at Darling, the parasite parried with a curious twisting motion of his left arm, and gathered Park’s arm into a bone-crushing grip. Park in agony heaved himself to his knees, pulling Darling up too. They faced each other on their knees, the belt still around them. Darling wrenched his knife-arm loose again, whipped it around as for a backhand stab, then back for an overhand. Park, trying to follow the darting blade, felt as if something had exploded in his own left arm. Darling’s point was driven into it and into the bone. Before it had a chance to bleed, Darling tried to pull it out. It didn’t yield on the first pull. Park leaned forward suddenly. Darling unwound his left arm from Park’s right to catch himself as he swayed backwards. Park stabbed at him. Darling blocked the stab with his forearm, making Park feel as if his wrist was broken. He played his last improvised trick: tossed up the knife, caught it the other way to, and brought it around in a quick up-and-out thrust. To his surprise, Darling failed to block it at all — the blade slid up under the parasite’s ribs to the hilt. Park, warm blood running over his hand, twisted and sliced his way across Darling’s abdomen…

Trigvy Darling lay on his back, mouth open and sand in his sightless eyeballs. The spectators looked in awe at the ten-inch wound. Park, feeling a bit shaken, stood while they bandaged his arm. The knicks gravely took down the vital information about the dead man, filling the last line of the blank with: “Killed in fair fight with Allister Park, 125 Isleif St., N.B.”

Then people were shaking his hand, slapping his bare back, and babbling congratulations at him. “Had it coming to him…” “… never liked him anyway, only we had to take him on account of Brahtz…” “You’ll make a better chairman…”

Park stole a hand to his upper lip. His mustache was a little loose on one side, but a quick press fixed that. He gradually became aware that the duel, so far from spoiling the party, had made a howling success of it.

Leading a double life is a strenuous business at best. It is particularly difficult when both one’s identities are fairly prominent people. Nevertheless, Allister Park managed it, with single-minded determination to let nothing stop his getting the person of Joseph Noggle in such a position that he could make him give his, Park’s, wheel of if another half-spin. It might not be too late, even if the Antonini case was washed up, to rehabilitate himself.

His next step was to cultivate Ivor MacSvensson, burg committee chairman for the Diamond Party of the Burg of New Belfast. This was easy enough, as the chairman of the hide committee was ex-officio a member of the burg committee.

They were dining in one of the small but expensive restaurants for which MacSvensson had a weakness. The burg chairman said: “We’ll have to get Anlaaf off, that’s all there is to it. Those dim knicks should have known better than to pull him in it in the first place.”

Park looked at the ceiling. “Even if it was Penda’s daughter?”

“Even if it was Penda’s daughter.”

“After all, spoiling the morals of a ten-year-old-”

“I know, I know,” said MacSvensson impatiently. “I know he’s a dirty bustard. But what can I do? He’s got the twenty-sixth hide in his fist, so I’ve got to play cards with him. Especially with the thingly choosing coming up in three months. It’ll be close, even with Bishop Scoglund lying low the way he has been. I had a little plan for shushing the dear bishop; it didn’t work, but it seems to have scared him into keeping quiet about the ricks of the Skrellings. And the Thing meeting next month… If that damned equal-ricks changelet goes through, it’ll split the party wide open.”

“If it doesn’t?” asked Park.

“That’ll be all right.”

“How about the Dakotians and the rest?”

MacSvensson shrugged. “No trouble for fifty years. They talk a lot, but I never saw a Skrelling that would stand up and fick yet. And what if they did try a war? New Belfast is a long way from the border; and the choosing would be called off. Maybe by the time it was over people would get some sense.”

Park had his own ideas. His researches had told him something about the unprepared state of the country. New Belfast had hundreds of miles between it and the independent Skrellings; in case of a sea attack, they could count on the friendly Northumbrian fleet, one of the world’s largest, to come over and help out. Hence the New Belfast machine had consistently plugged for more money for harbor improvements and merchant-marine subsidies and less for military purposes… However, if the Northumbrian fleet were immobilized by the threat of the navy of the Amirate of Cordova, and the Skrellings overran the hinterland of Vinland…

MacSvensson was speaking: “… you know, that youngest daughter of mine, she wants to marry a school teacher? Craziest idea… And that boy of mine has the house full of his musical friends; at least that’s what he calls’em. They’ll play their flugelhorns and yell and stamp all night.”

“Why not come up to my place?” asked Park with the studied nonchalance of an experienced dry-fly fisherman making a cast.

“Sure, of course. Glad to. I’ve got three appointments, thinging, but hell with ’em.”

There was no doubt about it; Ivor MacSvensson was good company even if he did have a deplorable scale of moral values. Park, having made the necessary soundings, finally suggested getting some company. The chairman’s blue eyes lit up a bit; there was some lechery in the old war horse yet. Park telephoned his little waitress friend. Yes, she had a friend who was just dying to meet some big political pipes…

Many residents of New Belfast were wont to say of Ivor MacSvensson: “He may be a serpent (crook), but at least he leads a spotless home life.” MacSvensson was at pains to encourage this legend, however insubstantial its basis. These people would have been pained to see the boss an hour later, smeared with lipstick, bouncing Park’s friend’s friend on his knee. The friend’s friend was undressed to a degree that would have shocked Vinlanders anywhere but on a beach.

“Stuffy, isn’t it?” said Park, and got up to open a window. The unsuspecting MacSvensson was having too good a time to notice Park thrust his arm out the window and wag it briefly.

Five minutes later the doorbell rang. By the time MacSvensson had snapped out of his happy daze, Park had admitted a small, wrinkled man who pointed at the friend’s friend and cried: “Fleda!”

“Oswald!” shrieked the girl.

“Sir!” shouted Dunedin at the boss, “what have you been doing with my wife? What have you been doing with my wife?”

“Oh,” sobbed Fleda, “I didn’t mean to be unfaithful! Truly I didn’t! If I’d only thock of you before it was too late…”

“Huh?” mumbled MacSvensson. “Too late? Unfaithful? Your wife?”

“Yes, you snake, you scoundrel, you bustard, my wife! You’ll suffer for this, Boss MacSvensson! Just wait till I-”

“Here, here, my man!” said Park, taking Dunedin by the arm and pulling him into the vestibule. For ten minutes the boss listened in sweaty apprehension to Park’s and Dunedin’s voices, rising and falling, the former soothing, the latter strained with rage. Finally the door slammed.

Park came back, and said: “I got him to promise not to put in any slurs or tell any newspapers for a while, until we talk things over again. I know who he is, and I think I can squelch him through the company he works for. I’m not sure that’ll work, though. He’s mad as a wet hen; won’t believe that this was just an innocent get-together.”

The imperturbable boss looked badly shaken. “You’ve got to stop him, Al! The story would raise merry hell. If you can do it, you can have just about anything I can give you.”

“How about the secretaryship of the burg committee?” asked Park promptly.

“Surely, of course. I can find something else for Ethelbald to do. Only keep that man shut up!”

“All right, old boy. Right now you’d better get home as soon as you can.”

When MacSvensson had been gone a few minutes, Eric Dunedin’s ugly face appeared in the doorway. “All clear, Hal — I mean Thane Park?”

“Come on in, old boy. That was a neat piece of work. You did well too, Fleda. Both you girls did. And now-” Park started to drive a corkscrew into another cork, “we can have a real party!”

“Damn it, Dunedin,” said Park, “when I say put your breakfast down on the table and eat it, I mean it!”

“But Hallow, it simply isn’t done for a thane’s thane to eat with his master-”

“To hell with what’s done and what isn’t. I’ve got more for you to do than stand around and treat me as if I were God Almighty. We’ve got work, brother. Now get busy on that mail.”

Dunedin sighed and gave up. When Park chose to, he could by now put on what Dunedin admitted was a nearly perfect imitation of Bishop Scoglund. But unless there were somebody present to be impressed thereby, he chose instead to be his profane and domineering self.

Dunedin frowned over one letter, and said: “Thane Callahan wants to know why you haven’t been doing anything to push the glick-ricks changelet.”

Park mentally translated the last to “equal-rights amendment.” “Why should I? It isn’t my baby. Oh, well, tell him I’ve been too busy, but I’ll get around to it soon. That’s always the stock excuse.”

Dunedin whistled suddenly. “The kin of the late Trigvy Darling have filed a wergild claim of a hundred and fifty thousand crowns against you.”

“What? What? Let’s see that!.. What’s that all about? Have they got the right to sue me, when I killed him in self-defense?”

“Oh, but of course, Hallow. There’s nay criminal penalty for killing a man in fair fight. But his heirs can claim two years’ earnings from you. Didn’t you know that when you took up his challenge?”

“Good lord, no! What can I do about it?”

“Oh, deary me, glory be to Patrick. You can try to prove the claim too big, as this one may be. I don’t know, though; Darling got a big stipend from Brahtz as a parasite.”

“I can always withdraw Allister Park from circulation and be just the bishop. Then let ’em try to collect!”

It would be wearisome to follow Allister Park’s political activities in detail for the three weeks after his use of the badger game on MacSvensson. But lest his extraordinary rise to power seem improbable, consider that it was not until the 1920s in Park’s original world that a certain Josef Vissarianovitch Dzugashvili, better known as Joseph Stalin, discovered what could really be done with the executive secretaryship of a political committee. So it is not too surprising that, whereas Park knew what could be done with this office, the politicians of Vinland did not. They learned. Among other things, the secretary makes up the agenda of meetings. He puts motions in “proper” form, since a motion is seldom intelligible in the form in which it is presented from the floor. He prompts the chairman — the nominal head of the organization — on parliamentary procedure. He is the interim executive officer; wherefore all appointments go through his hands, and he has custody of all records. He is ex-officio member of all committees. Since a committee seldom has any clear idea of what it wants to do or how it wants to do it, an aggressive secretary can usually run as many committees as he has time for. Whereas the chairman can’t speak at meetings, the secretary can not only speak but speak last. He gets the gavel when an appeal is made from the chair…

At least, that is how it is done in this world. In Vinland the rules were not quite the same, but the similarity was close enough for Park’s purpose — which was still to get back to good old New York and that judgeship, if there was still any chance of getting it.

It was after the burg committee meeting on the first of June that Park faced Ivor MacSvensson in the latter’s office. Park intended to start needling the boss about the body of Joseph Noggle. But MacSvensson got there first, demanding: “What’s all this about your making up to the committeemen?”

“What’s that?” asked Park blandly. “I’ve been seeing them on routine duties only.”

“Yeah? Not according to what I’ve been told. And I’ve found out that that girl you had up for me wasn’t wedded at all. Trying to put one down on the boss, eh? Well, you can go back to hide-walking. You’ll call a special committee meeting for Friday night. Get those seeings out today without fail. That’s all.”

“Suits me,” grinned Park. The chairman can demand special meetings, but the secretary’s the man who sends out the notices.

When Friday evening arrived, two thirds of the seats in the committee room in Karlsefni Hall remained empty. MacSvensson, blue eyes glacial, fretted. Park, sending out thunderheads of smoke from the bishop’s largest pipe, lolled in a chair, glancing surreptitiously at his watch. If MacSvensson were down at the far end of the hall when the hand touched sixty, Park would simply arise and say: “In the absence of the chairman, and of any other officers authorized to act as such, I, Allister Park, acting as chairman, hereby call this meeting to order…”

But MacSvensson, looking at him, divined his intention. He snatched out his own watch, and dashed to the chair. He made it by one and a half seconds.

Park was not disturbed. He took his place, hearing the boss’s growl: “Did you send out all those seeings when I told you to, Park? There’s just barely a quorum here.”

“Absolutely. I can’t help it if they go astray in the mail.” Park neglected to add that, with the proper cooperation from a postal clerk, it is sometimes possible to make sure that certain of the notices, though duly postmarked as of the time they are received, are accidentally misplaced in the post office and completely overlooked until the day after the meeting.

“The meeting will kindly come to order,” snapped MacSvensson. He did not like the look of the quorum at all; not one of his tried and true friends was in sight, except Sleepy Ethelbald.

He continued: “This is a special meeting called to hold in mind the good and welfare of the committee. As such there will be no reading of the minutes. The meeting will now consider items for the agenda.”

MacSvensson caught the eye of Sleepy Ethelbald, who had been primed for just this occasion. Before Ethelbald could rouse himself, another committeeman popped up with: “I move that we take up the fitness of Chairman MacSvensson to last in his present office.” “Twothed.” “I move the agenda be closed.” “Twothed.”

MacSvensson sat up for a few seconds with his mouth open. He had had revolts before — plenty of them — but never one with the devastating speed and coordination of this. He finally mumbled: “All in favor-”

“Aye!” roared most of the quorum.

MacSvensson ran fingers through his hair, then squared his shoulders. He wasn’t licked yet, by any means. There were more tricks… “The meeting will now consider the first item on the agenda.”

“I move the impeachment of Chairman MacSvensson!” “Twothed!”

For the second time the chairman sat with his mouth open. Park said gently: “You take up the motion and give me the gavel.”

“But-” wailed MacSvensson.

“No buts. A motion to impeach the chairman self-movingly shifts the gavel to the secretary. Come on, old boy.” An hour later Ivor MacSvensson stalked out, beaten. Park could have had the chairmanship himself, but he astutely preferred to keep the secretaryship and put the ancient of days, Magnus Dutt, in that exposed position.

Mayor Offa Greenfield knew his own mind, such as it was. He banged his fist on his desk, making all his chins quiver. “Nay!” he shouted. “I don’t know what you’re up to, Allister Park, but by the right ear of Hallow Gall, it’s something! The freedom of a free people-”

“Now, now, we’re not talking about the freedom of a free people. I’m sure we agree on that matter. It’s just a question of the person of Joseph Noggle-”

“I won’t be dictated to! I won’t take orders from anybody!”

“Except Ivor MacSvensson?”

“Except Iv — nay! I said anybody! Go practice your snaky trick on somebody else, Allister Park; you’ll get nothing from me! I won’t interfere with Borup’s running of his Institute. Unless, of course,” (Greenfield lowered his voice to normal) “you can get MacSvensson to back you up.”

Greenfield, it seemed, had the one virtue of loyalty. He intended to stick by the fallen boss to the bitter end, even though nearly all the rest of MacSvensson’s staunch supporters had deserted him when the effectiveness of Park’s coup had become patent.

But Greenfield was not elected, as were the members of the burg thing. He was appointed by a committee of the Althing, the national legislative body. So Park, for all his local power, could not displace Greenfield at the coming elections by putting up a rival candidate. He could only do it by acquiring sufficient power in the Althing. He set himself to study how to do this.

New Belfast elected six members to the Althing. As the city was firmly Diamond, nomination implied election. Therefore the six thingmen, however much they bragged about their independence in public, were careful to obey the whims of the boss of New Belfast.

The repeated efforts of Yon Brahtz to impose his control on the New Belfast Diamonds, by planting stooges like the late Trigvy Darling in their hide committees, had aroused some resentment. Park decided that he could trust his most active supporters, and the six thingmen, to back him in a gigantic double-cross: to desert the Diamond Party altogether and join the Rubies. The goats would be, not merely Brahtz and his squirearchy, but the local Ruby politicians of New Belfast. However, as these had never accomplished anything but draw some patronage from the Althing in the periods when the Rubies were in power there, Park thought he would not find much resistance to their sacrifice on the part of the Ruby leaders. And so it proved.

Twenty men, though, seldom keep a secret for long. The morning of June 9th, Park opened his paper to find the report of a defiant speech by Yon Brahtz, in which he announced bluntly that “the thanes of the Cherogian March of Vinland will defend the ricks they inherited from their heroic forebears, by any means needful, and moreover the means for such defense are ready and waiting!” Park translated this to mean that if the Scoglund amendment were passed by a coalition of Rubies and insurgent New Belfast Diamonds, the squirearchy would secede.

But that would mean civil war, which in turn would mean postponement of the elections. What was even more serious, the Diamond thingmen from the seceding provinces would automatically lose their seats, giving the Rubies a clear majority. Since the Rubies would no longer need the support of Park’s insurgents, they would be disinclined to make a deal with him to appoint a mayor of his choice.

Park privately thought that, while in theory he supposed he believed in the Scoglund amendment, in practice both his and the Ruby leaders’ interests would be better served by dropping it for the present, despite the growls of the Dakotians and Cherogians. However, the Ruby leaders were firm; that huge block of Skrelling votes they would get by emancipating the aborigines was worth almost any risk.

As for such questions as the rights of the Skrellings as human beings, or the unfortunate Vinlanders who would be killed or haggled up in a civil war, they were not considered at all.

Park, holed up in the Isleif Street apartment with a couple of bodyguards, answered a call from Dunedin. “Haw, Hallow? Thane Callahan is here to see you.”

“Send him over here. Warn him ahead of time who I-” Park remembered the guards, and amended: “warn him about everything. You know.”

Lord, he thought, all this just to get hold of Noggle, still shut up in the Psychophysical Institute! Maybe it would have been simpler to organize a private army like Brahtz’s and storm that fortresslike structure. A long-distance call for the mobilization of his Sons of the Vikings, as he called his storm troopers. Kedrick, the Bretwald of Vinland, had refused to mobilize the army because, he explained, such an action would be “provocative”… Maybe he secretly favored the squirearchy, whose man he was; maybe he was just a pacific civilian who found the whole subject of soldiers, guns, and such horrid things too repulsive to discuss; maybe he really believed what he said… Callahan arrived with a flourish. Since MacSvensson was no longer boss of New Belfast, the Sachem went openly about the city without fear of arrest and beating-up by the police.

He told Park: “It would be worth my life if some of my fellow Skrellings knew I’d told you. But the Dakotians have an army secretly assembled on the bounds. If the Vinlanders start fickting among themselves, the Dakotians’ll jump in to grab the northwestern provinces.”

Park whistled. “How about the Cherogians?”

“They’re holding back, waiting to see how things are turning out. If the war seems to be fruitbearing, they’ll try a little rickting of the bounds themselves.”

“And what will your Skrellings do then?”

“That depends. If the Scoglund changelet is lost, they’ll join the foe to a man. If it goes through, I think I can hold most of them in line.”

“Why do you tell me this, Callahan?”

The Sachem grinned his large disarming grin. “Two reasons. First, the bishop and I have been friends for years, and I’ll stick to his body no matter where his soul may be. Twoth, I’m not fooled, as some of my Skrellings are, by talk of what fine things the Dakotians’ll do for us if we help them overthrow the palefaces. The Dakotian realm is even less a folkish one than the Bretwaldate’s. I know a thing or two about how they treat their ain folk. So if you’ll stick to me, I’ll stick to you.”

Park would have liked to appear at the opening of the Althing as Bishop Scoglund. But, as too many people there knew him as Allister Park, he attended in his mustache, hair dye, and spectacles.

The atmosphere was electric. Even Park, with all his acumen, had been unable to keep up with events. The risks were huge, whichever way he threw his insurgents’ votes.

He kept them shut up in a committee room with him until the last possible minute. He did not yet know himself whether he would order them to vote for or against the amendment.

The clock on the wall ticked around.

A boy came in with a message for Park. It said, in effect, that the Sons of the Vikings had received a report that the amendment had already been passed; had mobilized and seized the town of Olafsburg.

Who had sent that mistaken message and why, there was no way of finding out. But it was too late for anybody to back down. Park looked up and said, very seriously: “We’re voting for the Scoglund Amendment.” That was all; with his well-trained cogs no more was necessary.

The bell rang; they filed out. Park took his seat in the visitors’ gallery. He said nothing but thought furiously as the session of the Althing was opened with the usual formalities. The chairman and the speaker and the chaplain took an interminable time about their business, as if afraid to come to grips with the fearful reality awaiting their attention. When the first motions came up, a dead silence fell as Park’s men got up and walked over to the Rubies’ side of the house. Then the Rubies let out a yell of triumph. There was no more need of stalling or delicate angling for marginal votes. Motion after motion went through with a roar. Out went the Diamond chairman and speaker, and in went Rubies in their place.

In an hour the debate had been shut off, despite howls from Diamonds and their sympathizers about “gag law” and “high-handed procedure.”

The amendment came up for its first vote. It fell short of the two-thirds required by eleven votes.

Park scribbled a note and had it delivered to the speaker. The speaker handed it to the chairman. Park watched the little white note drift around the Ruby side of the house. Then the Ruby leader got up and solemnly moved the suspension of thingmen Adamson, Arduser, Beurwulf, Dahl, Fessenden, Gilpatrick, Holmquist… all the thingmen from the seceding area.

Most of those named didn’t wait; they rose and filed out, presumably to catch airwains for their home provinces. The amendment passed on the second vote.

Park looked up the Ruby leader after the Althing adjourned. He said: “I hear Kedrick still won’t order mobilization. Talks about ‘Letting the erring brethren go in peace.’ What’s your party line on the matter?”

The Ruby leader, a thin cool man, blew smoke through his nose. “We’re going to fick. If Kedrick won’t go along, there are ways. The same applies to you, Thane Park.”

Park suddenly realized that events had put him in a suspect position. If he didn’t want himself and his cogs to be damned as copperheads, or the Vinland equivalent, he’d have to outshout the Rubies for unity, down with the rebels, etcetera.

Well, he might as well do a good job of it.

That afternoon the guards at the Psychophysical Institute were astonished to have their sanctuary invaded by a squad of uniformed knicks with the notorious Allister Park at their head flourishing a search warrant. The charge was violation of the fire ordinances — in a building made almost entirely of tile, glass, and reinforced concrete.

“But, but, but!” stuttered Dr. Edwy Borup. Park merely whisked out another warrant, this time for the arrest of Joseph Noggle.

“But, but, you can’t stop one of my patients! It’s — uh — illegal! I’ll call Mayor Greenfield!”

“Go ahead,” grinned Park. “But don’t be surprised if you get a busy signal.” He had taken the precaution of seeing that all the lines to the mayor’s office would be occupied at this time.

“Hello, Noggle,” said Park.

“Haw. Who are you? I think I’ve met you — let me see-”

Park produced an air pistol. “I’m Allister Park. You’ll figure out where you met me soon enough, but you won’t talk about it. I’m glad to see my figuring came out right. Can you start a man’s wheel today? Now?”

“I suppose I could. Oh, I know who you are now-”

“Nay comments, I said. You’re coming along, brother, and doing just as you’re told.”

The next step was when Park walked arm in arm with Noggle into the imposing executive building. Park’s standing as a powerful boss saw him through the guards and flunkeys that guarded the Bretwald’s office on the top floor.

The Bretwald looked up from his desk. “Oh, haw, Thane Park. If you’re going to nag me about that mobilization order, you’re wasting your time. Who’s — eeee! Where am I? What’s happened to me? Help! Help!”

In bounded the guards, guns ready. Park faced them sadly. “Our respected Bretwald seems to have had a mental seizure,” he said.

The guards covered the two visitors and asked Kedrick what was the matter. All they could get out of Kedrick was: “Help! Get away from me! Let me out! I don’t know who you’re talking about. My name’s not Kedrick, it’s O’Shaughnessy!”

They took him away. The guards kept Park and Noggle until a message from the acting Bretwald said to let them go.

“By the brazen gates of Hell!” cried Park. “Is that all?”

“Yep,” said the new Secretary of War. “Douglas was a Brahtz man; hence he saw to it that the army was made as harmless as possible before he skipped out.”

Park laughed grimly. “The Secretary of War sabotages-”

“He does what?”

“Never mind. He raises hell with, if you want a more familiar expression. Raises hell with the army for the benefit of his party, with the Dakotians about to come whooping in. I suppose it oughtn’t to surprise me, though. How many can we raise?”

“About twenty thousand in the burgish area, but we can arm only half of them rickly. Most of our quick-fire pipes and warwains have been hurt so it’ll take a month to fix them.”

“How about a force of Skrellings?”

The Secretary shrugged. “We can raise ’em, but we can’t arm them.”

“Go ahead and raise ’em anyway.”

“All right, if you say so. But hadn’t you better have a rank? It would look better.”

“All right. You make me your assistant.”

“Don’t you want a commission?”

“Not on your life! Your generals would go on strike, and even if they didn’t I’d be subject to military law.”

The army was not an impressive one, even when its various contingents had all collected at what would have been Pittsburgh if its name hadn’t been the lovely one of Guggenvik. The regulars were few and unimpressive; the militia were more numerous but even less prepossessing; the Skrelling levy was the most unmilitary of all. They stood around with silly grins on their flat brown faces, and chattered and scratched. Park thought disgustedly, so these are the descendants of the noble red man and the heroic viking! Fifty years of peace had been a blessing to Vinland, but not an altogether unmitigated one.

The transport consisted of a vast fleet of private folkwains and goodwains (busses and trucks to you). It had been possible to put only six warwains in the field. These were a kind of steam-driven armored car carrying a compressor and a couple of pneumatic machine guns. There was one portable liquid-air plant for charging shells and air bombs. The backwardness of Vinland chemistry compared to its physics caused a curious situation. The only practical military explosives were a rather low-grade black powder, and a carbon-liquid-oxygen mixture. Since the former was less satisfactory as a propellant, considering smoke, flash, and barrel-fouling, than compressed air, and was less effective as a detonant than the liquid air explosive; its military use was largely confined to land mines. Liquid oxygen, however, while as powerful as trinitrotoluol, had to be manufactured on the spot, as there was no way of preventing its evaporation. Hence it was a very awkward thing to use in mobile warfare.

Park walked into the intelligence tent, and asked the Secretary of War: “What do you think our chances are?”

The Secretary looked at him. “Against the squires, about even. Against the Dakotians, one to five. Against both, none.” He held out a handful of dispatches. These told of the success of the Sons of the Vikings in extending their hold in the southwest, not surprising considering that the only division of regulars in that area were natives of the region and had gone over to the rebels. More dispatches described in brief fragments the attack of a powerful and fast-moving Dakotian army west of Lake Yanktonai (Michigan). The last of these was dated 6 P.M., June 26th, the preceding day.

“What’s happened since then?” asked Park.

“Don’t know,” said the Secretary. Just then a message came in from the First Division. It told little, but the dateline told much. It had been sent from the city of Edgar, at the south end of Lake Yanktonai.

Park looked at his map, and whistled. “But an army can’t retreat fifty miles in one day!”

“The staff can,” said the Secretary. “They ride.”

Further speculation about the fate of the First Division seemed unnecessary. The one-eyed Colonel Montrose was dictating an announcement for the press to the effect that: “Our army has driven off severe Dakotian attacks in the Edgar area, with heavy losses to the foe. Nine Dakotian warwains were destroyed and five were captured. Other military booty included twenty-six machine-pipes. Two foeish airwains were shot down…”

Park thought, this Montrose has a good imagination, which quality seems sadly lacking in most of the officers. Maybe we can do something with him — if we’re still here long enough…

The Secretary pulled Park outside. “Looks as though they had us. We haven’t anything to fick with. Not even brains. General Higgins is just an easygoing parade-ground soldier who never expected to have to shoot at anybody in his life. For that matter neither did I. Got any ideas?”

“Still thinking, brother,” said Park, studying his map. “I’m nay soldier either, you know; just a thingman. If I could give you any help it would be political.”

“Well, if we can’t win by fickting, politics would seem to be the only way left.”

“Maybe.” Park was still looking at the map. “I begin to have a thock. Let’s see Higgins.”

Fortunately for Park’s idea, General Higgins was not merely easygoing; he was positively comatose. He sat in his tent with his blouse unbuttoned and a bottle of beer in front of him, serene in the midst of worry and confusion.

“Come in, thanes, come in,” he said. “Have some beer. Piff. Got any ideas? Blessed if I know where to turn next. Nay artillery, nay airwains to speak of, nay real soldiers. Piff. Do you guess if we started fortifying New Belfast now, it’d be strong enough to hold when we were pushed back there? Nobody knows anything, piff. I’m supposed to have a staff, but half of ’em have got lost or sneaked off to join the rebels. Blessed if I know what to do next.”

Park thought General Higgins would make a splendid Salvation Army general. But there was no time for personalities. He sprang his plan.

“Goodness gracious!” said Higgins. “It sounds very risky — get Colonel Callahan.”

The Sachem filled the tent opening when he arrived, weaving slightly. “Somebody want me?” Belatedly he remembered to salute.

Higgins barked at him: “Colonel Callahan, do you ken you have your blouse on backwards?” Callahan looked down. “So I have, ha-ha. Sir.”

“That’s a very weighty matter. Very weighty. No, don’t change it here. You’re drunk, too.”

“So are-” Callahan suppressed an appalling violation of discipline just in time. “Maybe I had a little, sir.”

“That’s very weighty, very weighty. Just think of it. I ought to have you shot.” Callahan grinned. “What would my regiment do then?”

“I don’t know. What would they do?”

“Give you three guesses, sir. Hic.”

“Run away, I suppose.”

“Right the first time, sir. Congratulations.”

“Don’t congratulate me, you fool! The Secretary has a plan.”

“A plan, really? Haw, Thane Park; I didn’t see you. How do you like our army?”

Park said: “I think it’s the goddamndest thing I ever saw in my life. It’s a galloping nightmare.”

“Oh, come now,” said Higgins. “Some of the brave boys are a little green, but it’s not as bad as all that.”

A very young captain entered, gave a heel-click that would have echoed if there had been anything for it to echo against, and said: “Sir, the service company, twentieth regiment, third division, has gone on strike.”

“What?” said the general. “Why?”

“No food, sir. The goodwains arrived empty.”

“Have them all shot. No, shoot one out of ten. No, wait a minute. Arrived empty, you say? Somebody stole the food to sell at the local grocers. Take a platoon and clean out all the goods shops in Guggenvik. Pay them in thingly I.O.U.’s.”

The Secretary interjected: “The Althing will never pay those off, you know.”

“I know they won’t, ha-ha. Now let’s get down to that plan of yours.”

The names were all different; Allister Park gave up trying to remember those of the dozens of small towns through which they rolled. But the gently rolling stretches of southern Indiana were much the same, cut up into a checkerboard of fields with woodlots here and there, and an occasional snaky line of cottonwoods marking the course of a stream. The Vinlanders had not discovered the beauties of billboard advertising, which, to Park’s mind, was something. Not having a businessman’s point of view, he had no intention of introducing this charming feature of his own civilization into Vinland. The Vinlanders did have their diabolical habit of covering the landscape with smoke from faulty burners in their wains, and that was bad enough.

A rising whistle and a shattering bang from the rear made Park jump around in the seat of his wain. A mushroom of smoke and dust was rising from a hillside. The airwain that had dropped the bomb was banking slowly to turn away. The pneumatics clattered all along the column, but without visible effect. A couple of their own machines purred over and chased the bomber off.

Those steam-turbine planes were disconcertingly quiet things. On the other hand the weight of their power plants precluded them from carrying either a heavy bomb load or a lot of fuel, so they were far from a decisive arm. They rustled across the sky with the dignity of dowagers, seldom getting much over 150 miles an hour, and their battles had the deliberation of a duel between sailing ships-of-the-line.

They wound down to the sunny Ohio (they called it the Okeeyo, both derived from the same Iroquois word) in the region where the airwains had reported the rebel army. A rebel airwain — a converted transport ship — came to look them over, and was shot down. From across the river came faintly the rebel yells and the clatter of pneumatics, firing at targets far out of range. Park guessed that discipline in Brahtz’s outfit was little if any better than in his own.

Now, if they wanted to, the stage was set for an interminable campaign of inaction. Either side could try to sneak its men across the river without being caught in the act by the other. Or it could adopt a defensive program, contenting itself with guarding all the likely crossings. That sort of warfare would have suited General Higgins fine, minimizing as it did the chance that most of his musical-comedy army would do a lightning advance to the rear as soon as they came under fire.

It would in fact have been sound tactics, if they could have counted on the rebels’ remaining on the south bank of the Okeeyo in that region, instead of marching east toward Guggenvik, and if the Dakotians were not likely to descend on their rear at any moment.

The Secretary of War had gone back to New Belfast, leaving Park the highest-ranking civilian with Higgins’ army. He had the good sense to keep out of sight as much as possible, taking into account the soldier’s traditional dislike of the interfering politician.

General Etheling, commanding the rebel army, got a message asking if he would hold a parley with a civilian envoy of General Higgins’ army. General Etheling, wearing a military blouse over a farmer’s overalls and boots, pulled his long mustache and said no, if Higgins wants to parley with me he can come himself. Back came the answer: This is a very high-ranking civilian; in fact he outranks Higgins himself. Would that island in the middle of the Okeeyo do? Etheling pulled his mustache some more and decided it would do.

So, next morning General Etheling, wearing the purely ornamental battle-ax that formed part of the Vinland officer’s dress uniform, presented himself off the island. As he climbed out of his rowboat, he saw his opposite number’s boat pull away from the far side of the little island. He advanced a way among the cottonwoods and yelled, “Haw!”

“Haw.” A stocky blond man appeared.

“You all alone, Thane?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’ll be jiggered! You boys kin go along back; I’ll holler when I need you. Now, Thane, who be you?”

“I’m Bishop Ib Scoglund, General.”

“What? But ain’t you the wick who started the whole rumpus with all that silly talk about ricks for the Skrellings?”

The bishop sighed. “I did what I believed right in the sight of the Lord. But now a greater danger threatens us. The Dakotians are sweeping across our fair land like the hosts of Midian of old! Surely it were wise to sink our little bickerings in the face of this peril?”

“You say the lousy redskins is doing an invasion? Well, now, that’s the first I heered of that. What proof you got?”

Park produced an assortment of papers: dispatches, a copy of the Edgar Daily Tidings, et cetera.

The general was at last convinced. He said: “Well, I’ll be tarnally damned. Begging your pardon, Hallow; I forgot as how you were a preacher.”

“That’s all rick, my son. There are times when, even in a cleric like me, the baser passions rise, and it is all I can do to refrain from saying ‘damn’ myself.”

“Well, now, that’s rick handsome of you. But what does old Cottonhead Higgins want me to do? I got my orders, you know.”

“I know, my son. But don’t you see the Divine Will in these events? When we His children fall out and desecrate the soil of Vinland with our brothers’ blood, He chastises us with the scourge of invasion. Let us unite to hurl back the heathen before it is too late! General Higgins has a plan for joint doing all worked out. If you take it up, he will prove his good faith by letting you cross the Okeeyo unopposed.”

“What kind of plan is it? I never knew Cottonhead had enough brains to plan a barn dance, not to mention a campaign.”

“I couldn’t give you all the details; they’re in this paper. But I know they call for your army to put itself in the path of the invaders, and when you are engaged with them for our army to attack their left flank. If we lose, our brotherly quarrel will be one with Sodom and Gomorrah. If we win, it will be surely possible to settle our strife without further bloodshed. You will be a great man in the sight of the people and a good one in the sight of Heaven, General.”

“Well, I guess maybe as how you’re right. Give me the rest of the day to study these here plans…”

They shook hands; the general made a fumbling salute, and went over to his side of the island to call his boat. Thus, he did not see the bishop hastily don his mustache and spectacles.

When General Etheling’s rebels crossed the river next morning, they found no trace of Higgins’ force except for the usual camp litter. Following directions, they set out for Edgar.

General Higgins, goaded to hurry by Allister Park, sent his army rolling northward. People in dust-colored work clothes came out to hang over fences and stare at them.

Park asked one of these, a strapping youth with some Skrelling blood, if he had heard of the invasion.

“Sure,” said the man. “Reckon they won’t git this fur, though. So we ain’t worrying.” The young man laughed loudly at the suggestion of volunteering. “Me go off and git shot up so some other wick can sit on his rump and get rich? Not me, Thane! If the folks in Edgar gets scalped, it serves ’em right for not paying us mair for our stuff.”

As the army moved farther and farther toward Edgar, the expressions of the civilians grew more anxious. As they approached the Piankishaw (Wabash) River, they passed wains parked by the roads, piled with household goods.

However, when the army had passed, many of these reversed their direction and followed the army back north toward their homes. Park was tempted to tell some of these people what idiots they were, but that would hardly have been politic. The army had little enough self-confidence as it was.

Higgins’ army spread out along the south bank of the Piankishaw. All those in the front line had, by order, stained their hands and faces brown. The genuine Skrellings were kept well back.

Park took an observation post overlooking the main crossing of the river. He had just settled himself when there was a tremendous purring hum from the other side of the bridge. An enemy warwain appeared. Its ten tires screeched in unison as it stopped at the barrier on the road. Pneumatics began to pop on all sides. The forward turret swung back and forth, its gun clattering. Then a tremendous bang sent earth, bridge, and wain into the air. The wain settled into the water on its side, half out. Some men crawled out and swam for the far shore, bullets kicking up little splashes around their bobbing heads.

Up the river, Park could see a pontoon boat putting out from the north shore. It moved slowly by poling; passed out of sight. In a few minutes it reappeared, drifting downstream. It came slowly past Park and stopped against a ruined bridge abutment. Water gradually leaked through the bullet holes in the canvas, until only one corner was above water. A few arms and faces bobbed lazily just below the surface.

The firing gradually died down. Park could imagine the Dakotians scanning the position with their field glasses and planning their next move. If their reputation was not exaggerated, it would be something devastating.

He climbed down from his perch and trotted back to headquarters, where he found Rufus Callahan, sober for once.

Ten minutes later the two, preceded by an army piper, exposed themselves at the east end of the bridge. Park carried a white flag, and the piper squealed “parley” on his instrument. Nobody shot at them, so they picked their way across the bridge, climbing along the twisted girders. Callahan got stuck.

“I’m scared of high places,” he said through his teeth, clinging to the ironwork.

Park took out his air pistol. “You’ll be worse scared of me,” he growled. The huge man was finally gotten under way again.

At the far end, a Skrelling soldier jumped out of the bushes, rifle ready. He crackled something at them in Dakotian. Callahan answered in the same language, and the man took them in tow.

As the road curved out of sight of the river, Park began to see dozens of warwains pulled up to the side of the road. Some had their turrets open, and red men sat in them, smoking or eating sandwiches. There were other vehicles, service cars of various kinds, and horse cavalry with lances and short rifles. They stopped by one warwain. Their escort snapped to a salute that must have jarred his bones. An officer climbed out. He wore the usual mustard-colored Dakotian uniform, topped off with the feathered war bonnet of the Sioux Indian. After more chattering, Park and Callahan were motioned in.

It was crowded inside. Park burned the back of his hand against a steam pipe, and cut loose with a string of curses that brought admiring grins to the red-brown faces of the crew. Everything was covered with coal soot.

The engineer opened the throttle, and the reciprocating engine started to chug. Park could not see out. They stopped presently and got out and got into another warwain, a very large one.

Inside the big machine were a number of Dakotian officers in the red-white-and-black war bonnets. A fat one with a little silver war club hanging from his belt was introduced to Park and Callahan as General Tashunkanitko, governor of the Oglala and commander-in-chief of the present expedition.

“Well?” snapped this person in a high-pitched, metallic voice.

Callahan gave his sloppy salute — which at first glance looked alarmingly as though he were thumbing his nose — and said: “I’m representing the commander of the Skrelling Division-”

“The what?”

“The Skrelling Division. We’ve been ordered by the Althing to put down the uprising of the Diamonds in the southwest of Vinland. They have a big army, and are likely to win all Vinland if not stopped. We can’t stop them, and on the other hand we can’t let them take all the south while you take all the north of Vinland.

“My commander humbly suggests that it is hardly proper for two armies of men of the same race to fick each other while their joint foe takes over all Vinland, as Brahtz’s army will do unless we join against it.”

General Tashunkanitko crackled something to one of his men, who rattled back. The general said: “It was taled that your men looked like Skrellings, but we could not get close enough to be sure, and did not believe the tale. What do you offer?”

Callahan continued: “My commander will not try to push the Dakotians from the area west of the Piankishaw, if you will help him against the rebels.”

“Does that offer bind your thing?”

“Nay. But, as our army is the only real one at present under their command, they will have nay way of enforcing their objections. To prove our good faith we will, if you agree, let you cross the Piankishaw without fickting.” The general thought for some seconds. He said: “That offer ock to be put up to my government.”

“Nay time, sir. The rebels are moving north from the Okeeyo already. Anyway, if we make a truce aside from our thing, you should be willing to do the same. After we’ve overthrown the Brahtz army, I’m sure we can find some workable arrangement between our armies.”

Tashunkanitko thought again. “I will do it. Have you a plan worked out?”

“Yes, sir. Right here…”

When the Dakotians crossed the Piankishaw the next day, there was no sign of the large and supposedly redskin army that had held the passage against them.

Across the rolling Indiana plain came the rattle of pneumatic rifles and the crack of air- and mortar-bombs. General Higgins told Park: “We just got a message from General Etheling; says he’s hard pressed, and it’s about time we did our flank attack on the Dakotians. And this General Tush-Tash-General Mad-Horse wants to know why we haven’t attacked the flank of the rebels. Says he’s still pushing ’em back, but they outnumber him twa to ane and he’s had a lot of mechanical breakdowns. Says if we’ll hit them now they’ll run.”

“We don’t want to let either side win,” said Park. “Guess it’s time to start.”

With considerable confusion — though perhaps less than was to be expected — the Army of the New Belfast got under way. It was strung out on a five-mile front at right angles to the line of contact of the Dakotian and rebel armies. The right wing was the stronger, since it would meet stronger resistance from Tashunkanitko’s hardened professionals than from Etheling’s armed hayseeds.

Park squeezed into the observation turret of the headquarters wain beside Higgins. They went slowly so as not to outrun the infantry, lurching and canting as the huge rubber doughnut-shaped wheels pulled them over walls and fences. They crunched through one corner of a farmyard, and the countryside was at once inundated by fleeing pigs and chickens. Park had a glimpse of an overalled figure shaking a fist at the wain. He couldn’t help laughing; it was too bad about the farmer’s livestock, but there was something ultra-rural about the man’s indignation over a minor private woe when a battle was going on next door.

Men began to appear ahead; horsemen leaping fences and ditches, scattered scouts dodging from tree to fence, firing at unseen targets, then frantically working the pump-levers of their rifles to compress the air for the next shot. One of them was not a hundred yards away when he saw the advancing wains. He stared stupidly at them until the forward machine-gunner in the headquarters wain fired a burst that sent the gravel flying around the scout’s feet. The scout jumped straight up and came down running. Others ran when they saw the wains looming out of the dust. A few who didn’t see soon enough ran toward the advancing line with their hands up.

They met larger groups of redskins, crawling or running from right to left with faces set. Each time there would be one face the first to turn; then they would all turn. The group would lose its form and purpose, sublimating into its component human atoms. Some stood; some ran in almost any direction.

Then they were in a half-plowed field. The plow and the steam tractor stood deserted among the brown furrows. On the other side of the field crouched a hostile wain. Park felt the engine speed up as the two machines lumbered toward each other. Bullets pattered about his cupola. It gratified him to see the general wince when they struck on and around the glass.

The wains came straight at each other. Park gripped the handholds tight. The other wain stopped suddenly, backed swiftly, and tried to run in at them from the side. Their own jumped ahead with a roar. Its ram dug into the side of the other machine with a terrible crash. They backed away; Park could see lubricating oil running out of the wound in the other machine. It still crawled slowly. His own mechanical rhinoceros charged again. This time the other machine heaved up on its far wheels and fell over…

The fight went out of the Dakotians all of a sudden. They had made a terrific assault on twice their number; then had fought steadily for two days. Their wains were battered, their horses hungry, and their infantry exhausted from pumping up their rifles. And to have a horde of strangers roll up their flank, just when victory was in sight — no wonder General Tashunkanitko, and his officers, let a tear or two trickle when they were rounded up.

General Etheling’s rebels fared no better; rather worse, in fact. The Skrelling regiment ran wild among the rural Vinlanders, doing what they had wanted to do for generations — scalp the palefaces. Having somewhat hazy ideas about that ancestral ritual, they usually made the mistake of trying to take off the whole top of a man’s head instead of the neat little two-inch circle of scalp. When they started in on the prisoners, they had to be restrained by a few bursts of machine-gun fire from one of Higgins’ wains.

The train back to New Belfast stopped at every crossroads so the people could come out and whoop. They cheered Allister Park well enough; they cheered Rufus Callahan; they yelled for Bishop Scoglund. The story had gone ahead, how Park and General Higgins had devised a scheme for the entrapment of both the rebel and Dakotian armies; how the brave bishop had talked Etheling into it; how Etheling had treacherously shot the brave bishop; how Callahan had swum the Okeeyo with Bishop Scoglund on his back… It was rumored that the city politician Allister Park had had something to do with these developments, but you never want to believe anything good of these politicians. Since he was Assistant Secretary of War, though, it was only polite to give him a cheer too…

Park did not think it would be prudent to show himself to the same audience both as Park and as the bishop, so they were all informed that his hallowship was recuperating.

As they rolled into New Belfast, Park experienced the let-down feeling that comes at such moments. What next? By now Noggle would have been rescued from Park’s knicks and returned to Edwy Borup’s hatch. That was bound to happen anyway, which was why Park hadn’t tried to use that method of getting Noggle into his power before. The whirling of the wheel of if was a delicate business, not to be interrupted by people with warrants, and he would have to see to it that somebody was left behind to force Noggle to stop the wheel when the right point had been reached.

It ought not to be difficult now, though. If he couldn’t use his present power and position to get hold of Noggle, he’d have enough after election — which would come off as scheduled after all. First he’d make Noggle stop poor old Kendrick’s wheel. Then he’d have Callahan or somebody stand over Noggle with a gun while he spun his, Park’s, wheel through another half turn. Then, maybe, Noggle would be allowed to halt his own carousel.

For the first three days after his return he was too busy to give attention to this plan. Everybody in New Belfast seemingly had written him or telephoned him or called at one of his two homes to see him. Although Monkey-face was a lousy secretary, Park didn’t dare hire another so long as he had his double identity to maintain.

But the Antonini trials were due in a week, back in that other world. And the heirs and assigns of Trigvy Darling had had a date set for a hearing on their damage claim. And, if Park knew his history, there would probably be a “reconstruction” period in the revolted territories, of which he wanted no part.

For the second time Edwy Borup had his sanctuary invaded by Allister Park and a lot of tough-looking official persons, including Rufus Callahan. Borup was getting resigned if not reconciled to this. If they didn’t let his prize patient Noggle escape before, they weren’t likely to this time.

“Haw, Noggle,” said Park. “Feel a little more with-doing?”

“Nay,” snapped Noggle. “But since you have me by the little finger I suppose I’ll have to do what you say.”

“All right. You’re honest, anyway. First you’re going to stop Bretwald Kedrick’s wheel. Bring him in, boys.”

“But I daren’t stop a wheel without my down-writings. You bethink last time-”

“That’s all right; we brought your whole damn library over.”

There was nothing to it. Noggle stared at the fidgety Bretwald — the period of whose cycle was fortunately just twice his, so that both were in their own bodies at the same time. Then he said: “Whew. Had a lot of psychic momentum, that ane; I just did stop him. He’ll be all rick now. What next?”

Park told everybody but Callahan to go out. Then he explained that Noggle was to give his wheel another half turn.

“But,” objected Noggle, “that’ll take seven days. What’s going to be done with your body in the meantime?”

“It’ll be kept here, and so will you. When the half-cycle’s done, you’ll stop my wheel, and then we’ll let you stop your own whenever you like. I’ve made sure that you’ll stay here until you do the right thing by my wheel, whether you cure your own case or not.”

Noggle sighed. “And MacSvensson thock he’d get some simple-minded idealist like the bishop! How is it that your pattern of acting is otherly from his, when by the laws of luck you started out with much the same forebearish make-up?”

Park shrugged. “Probably because I’ve had to fick every step of the way, while he was more or less born into his job. We’re not so otherly, at that; his excess energy went into social crusading, while mine’s gone into politics. I have an ideal or two kicking around somewhere. I’d like to meet Bishop Scoglund some time; think I’d like him.”

“I’m afraid that’s undoable,” said Noggle. “Even sending you back is risky. I don’t know what would happen if your body died while his mind indwelt it. You might land in still another doable world instead of in your ain. Or you mick not land anywhere.”

“I’ll take a chance,” said Park. “Ready?”

“Yes.” Dr. Joseph Noggle stared at Park.

“Hey, Thane Park,” said a voice from the doorway. “A wick named Dunedin wants to see you. Says it’s weighty.”

“Tell him I’m busy — no, I’ll see him.”

Monkey-face appeared, panting. “Have you gone yet? Have you changed? Glory to Bridget! You — I mean his hallowship — what I mean is, the Althing signed a treaty with the Dakotians and Cherogians and such, setting up an International Court for the Continent of Skrelleland, and the bishop has been chosen one of the judges! I thock you ock to know before you did anything.”

“Well, well,” said Park. “That’s interesting, but I don’t know that it changes anything.”

Callahan spoke up: “I think you’d make a better judge, Allister, than he would. He’s a fine fellow, but he will believe that everybody else is as uprick as he. They’d pull the wool over his eyes all the time.”

Park pondered. After all, what had he gone to all this trouble for — why had he helped turn the affairs of half the continent upside down — except to resume a career as public prosecutor which, he hoped, would some day land him on the bench? And here was a judgeship handed him on a platter.

“I’ll stay,” he said.

“But,” objected Noggle, “how about those thirteen other men on your wheel? Are you going to leave them out of their rick rooms?”

Park grinned. “If they’re like me, they’re adaptable guys who’ve probably got started on new careers by now. If we shift ’em all again, it’ll just make more trouble for them. Come along, Rufus.”

The funeral of Allister Park, assistant Secretary of War, brought out thousands of people. Some were politicians who had been associated with Park; some came for the ride. A few came because they liked the man.

In an anteroom of the cathedral, Bishop Scoglund waited for that infernal music to end, whereupon he would go out and preach the swellest damn funeral oration New Belfast had ever heard. It isn’t given to every man to conduct that touching ceremony for his own corpse, and the bishop intended to give his alter-ego a good send-off.

In a way he was sorry to bid Allister Park good-bye. Allister had a good deal more in common with his natural, authentic self than did the bishop. But he couldn’t keep up the two identities forever, and with the judgeship on one hand and the damage suit on the other there wasn’t much question of which of the two would have to be sacrificed. The pose of piety would probably become natural in time. The judgeship would give him an excuse for resigning his bishopric. Luckily the Celtic Christian Church had a liberal attitude toward folk who wished to leave the church. Of course he’d still have to be careful — girlfriends and such. Maybe it would even be worthwhile getting married…

“What the devil — what do you wish, my son?” said the bishop, looking up into Figgis’s unpleasant face.

“You know what I wish, you old goat! What are you going to do about my wife?”

“Why, friend, it seems that you have been subject to a monstrous fooling!”

“You bet I-”

“Please, do not shout in the house of God! What I was saying was that the guilty man was none other than the late Allister Park, may the good Lord forgive his sins. He has been impersonating me. As you know, we looked much alike. Allister Park upowned to me on his deathbed two days ago. No doubt his excesses brought him to his untimely end. Still, for all his human frailties, he was a man of many good qualities. You will forgive him, will you not?”

“But — but I-”

“Please, for my sake. You would not speak ill of the dead, would you?”

“Oh, hell. Your forgiveness, Bishop. I thock I had a good thing, that’s all. G’bye. Sorry.”

The music was coming to an end. The bishop stood up, straightened his vestments, and strode majestically out. If he could only count on that drunken nitwit Callahan not to forget himself and bust out laughing…

The coffin, smothered in flowers, was, like all coffins in Vinland, shaped like a Viking longboat. It was also filled with pine planks. Some people were weeping a bit. Even Callahan, in the front row, was appropriately solemn.

“Friends, we have gathered here to pay a last gild to one who has passed from among us…”