Double Star

Eight

Our moon being an airless planet, a torchship can land on it. But the Tom Paine, being a torchship, was really intended to stay in space and be serviced only at space stations in orbit; she had to be landed in a cradle. I wish I had been awake to see it, for they say that catching an egg on a plate is easy by comparison. Dak was one of the half dozen pilots who could do it.

But I did not even get to see the Tommie in her cradle; all I saw was the inside of the passenger bellows they fastened to her air lock and the passenger tube to New Batavia — those tubes are so fast that, under the low gravity of the Moon, you are again in free fall at the middle of the trip.

We went first to the apartments assigned to the leader of the loyal opposition, Bonforte's official residence until (and if) he went back into power after the coming election. The magnificence of them made me wonder what the Supreme Minister's residence was like. I suppose that New Batavia is odds — on the most palatial capital city in all history; it is a shame that it can hardly be seen from outdoors — but that minor shortcoming is more than offset by the fact that it is the only city in the Solar System that is actually impervious to fusion bombs. Or perhaps I should say «effectively impervious» since there are some surface structures which could be destroyed. Bonforte's apartments included an upper living room in the side of a cliff, which looked out through a bubble balcony at the stars and Mother Earth herself — but his sleeping room and offices were a thousand feet of solid rock below, by private lift.

I had no time to explore the apartments; they dressed me for the audience. Bonforte had no valet even dirtside, but Rog insisted on «helping» me (he was a hindrance) while going over last-minute details. The dress was ancient formal court dress, shapeless tubular trousers, a silly jacket with a claw-hammer tail, both in black, and a chemise consisting of a stiff white breastplate, a «winged» collar, and a white bow tie. Bonforte's chemise was all in one piece, because (I suppose) he did not use a dresser; correctly it should be assembled piece by piece and the bow tie should be tied poorly enough to show that it has been tied by hand — but it is too much to expect a man to understand both politics and period costuming.

It is an ugly costume, but it did make a fine background for the Order of Wilhelmina stretched in colorful diagonal across my chest. I looked at myself in a long glass and was pleased with the effect; the one color accent against the dead black and white was good showmanship. The traditional dress might be ugly but it did have dignity, something like the cool stateliness of a maître d'hôtel. I decided that I looked the part to wait on the pleasure of a sovereign.

Rog Clifton gave me the scroll which was supposed to list the names of my nominations for the ministries and he tucked into an inner pocket of my costume a copy of the typed list thereof — the original had gone forward by hand of Jimmie Washington to the Emperor's State Secretary as soon as we had grounded. Theoretically the purpose of the audience was for the Emperor to inform me that it was his pleasure for me to form a government and for me to submit humbly my suggestions; my nominations were supposed to be secret until the sovereign graciously approved.

Actually the choices were all made; Rog and Bill had spent most of the trip lining up the Cabinet and making sure the nominees would serve, using state-scramble for the radio messages. I had studied the Farleyfiles on each nomination and each alternate. But the list really was secret in the sense that the news service would not receive it until after the Imperial audience.

I took the scroll and picked up my life wand. Rog looked horrified. «Good Lord, man, you can't carry that thing into the presence of the Emperor!»

«Why not?»

«Huh? It's a weapon.»

«It's a ceremonial weapon. Rog, every duke and every pipsqueak baronet will be wearing his dress sword. So I wear this.»

He shook his head. «They have to. Don't you understand the ancient legal theory behind it? Their dress swords symbolize the duty they owe their liege lord to support and defend him by force of arms, in their own persons. But you are a commoner; traditionally you come before him unarmed.»

«No, Rog. Oh, I'll do what you tell me to, but you are missing a wonderful chance to catch a tide at its flood. This is good theater, this is right.»

«I'm afraid I don't follow you.»

«Well, look, will the word get back to Mars if I carry this wand today? Inside the nests, I mean?»

«Eh? I suppose so. Yes.»

«Of course. I would guess that every nest has stereo receivers; I certainly noticed plenty of them in Kkkah nest. They follow the Empire news as carefully as we do. Don't they?»

«Yes. At least the elders do.»

«If I carry the wand, they'll know it; if I fail to carry it, they will know it. It matters to them; it is tied up with propriety. No adult Martian would appear outside his nest without his life wand, or inside on ceremonial occasions. Martians have appeared before the Emperor in the past; they carried their wands, didn't they? I'd bet my life on it.»

«Yes, but you — »

«You forget that I am a Martian.»

Rog's face suddenly blanked out. I went on, «I am not only “John Joseph Bonforte”; I am Kkkahjjjerrr of Kkkah nest. If I fail to carry that wand, I commit a great impropriety — and frankly I do not know what would happen when the word got back; I don't know enough about Martian customs. Now turn it around and look at it the other way. When I walk down that aisle carrying this wand,I am a Martian citizen about to be named His Imperial Majesty's first minister. How will that affect the nests?»

«I guess I had not thought it through,» he answered slowly.

«Nor would I have done so, had I not had to decide whether or not to carry the wand. But don't you suppose Mr. B. thought it through — before he ever let himself be invited to be adopted? Rog, we've got a tiger by the tail; the only thing to do is to swarm aboard and ride it. We can't let go.»

Dak arrived at that point, confirmed my opinion, seemed surprised that Clifton had expected anything else. «Sure, we're setting a new precedent, Rog — but we're going to set a lot of new ones before we are through.» But when he saw how I was carrying the wand he let out a scream. «Cripes, man! Are you trying to kill somebody? Or just carve a hole in the wall?»

«I wasn't pressing the stud.»

«Thank God for small favors! You don't even have the safety on.» He took it from me very gingerly and said, «You twist this ring — and shove this in that slot — then it's just a stick. Whew!»

«Oh. Sorry.»

They delivered me to the robing room of the Palace and turned me over to King Willem's equerry, Colonel Pateel, a bland-faced Hindu with perfect manners and the dazzling dress uniform of the Imperial space forces. His bow to me must have been calculated on a slide rule; it suggested that I was about to be Supreme Minister but was not quite there yet, that I was his senior but nevertheless a civilian — then subtract five degrees for the fact that he wore the Emperor's aiguillette on his right shoulder.

He glanced at the wand and said smoothly. «That's a Martian wand, is it not, sir? Interesting. I suppose you will want to leave it here — it will be safe.»

I said, «I'm carrying it.»

«Sir?» His eyebrows shot up and he waited for me to correct my obvious mistake.

I reached into Bonforte's favorite cliches and picked one he used to reprove bumptiousness. «Son, suppose you tend to your knitting and I tend to mine.»

His face lost all expression. «Very well, sir. If you will come this way?»

We paused at the entrance to the throne room. Far away, on the raised dais, the throne was empty. On both sides the entire length of the great cavern the nobles and royalty of the court were standing and waiting. I suppose Pateel passed along some sign, for the Imperial Anthem welled out and we all held still for it, Pateel in robotlike attention, myself in a tired stoop suitable to a middle-aged and overworked man who must do this thing because he must, and all the court like show-window pieces. I hope we never dispense with the pageantry of a court entirely; all those noble-dress extras and spear carriers make a beautiful sight.

In the last few bars he came in from behind and took his throne — Willem, Prince of Orange, Duke of Nassau, Grand Duke of Luxembourg, Knight Commander of the Holy Roman Empire, Admiral General of the Imperial Forces, Adviser to the Martian Nests, Protector of the Poor, and, by the Grace of God, King of the Lowlands and Emperor of the Planets and the Spaces Between.

I could not see his face, but the symbolism produced in me a sudden warm surge of empathy. I no longer felt hostile to the notion of royalty.

As King Willem sat down the anthem ended; he nodded acknowledgment of the salute and a wave of slight relaxation rippled down the courtiers. Pateel withdrew and, with my wand tucked under my arm, I started my long march, limping a little in spite of the low gravity. It felt remarkably like the progress to the Inner Nest of Kkkah, except that I was not frightened; I was simply warm and tingling. The Empire medley followed me down, the music sliding from «Kong Christian» to «Marseillaise» to «The Star-Spangled Banner» and all the others.

At the first balk line I stopped and bowed, then again at the second, then at last a deep bow at the third, just before the steps. I did not kneel; nobles must kneel but commoners share sovereignty with the Sovereign. One sees this point incorrectly staged sometimes in stereo and theater, and Rog had made sure that I knew what to do.

«Ave, Imperator!» Had I been a Dutchman I would have said «Rex» as well, but I was an American. We swapped schoolboy Latin back and forth by rote, he inquiring what I wanted, I reminding him that he had summoned me, etc. He shifted into Anglo-American, with a slight «down-East» accent.

«You served our father well. It is now our thought that you might serve us. How say you?»

«My sovereign's wish is my will, Majesty.»

«Approach us.»

Perhaps I made too good a thing of it but the steps up the dais are high and my leg actually was hurting — and a psychosomatic pain is as bad as any other. I almost stumbled — and Willem was up out of his throne like a shot and steadied my arm. I heard a gasp go around the hall. He smiled at me and said sotto voce , «Take it easy, old friend. We'll make this short.»

He helped me to the stool before the throne and made me sit down an awkward moment sooner than he himself was again seated. Then he held out his hand for the scroll and I passed it over. He unrolled it and pretended to study the blank page.

There was chamber music now and the court made a display of enjoying themselves, ladies laughing, noble gentlemen uttering gallantries, fans gesturing. No one moved very far from his place, no one held still. Little page boys, looking like Michelangelo's cherubim, moved among them offering trays of sweets. One knelt to Willem and he helped himself without taking his eyes off the nonexistent list. The child then offered the tray to me and I took one, not knowing whether it was proper or not. It was one of those wonderful, matchless chocolates made only in Holland.

I found that I knew a number of the court faces from pictures. Most of the unemployed royalty of Earth were there, concealed under their secondary titles of duke or count. Some said that Willem kept them on as pensioners to brighten his court; some said he wanted to keep an eye on them and keep them out of politics and other mischief. Perhaps it was a little of both. There were the non-royal nobility of a dozen nations present, too; some of them actually worked for a living.

I found myself trying to pick out the Hapsburg lips and the Windsor nose.

At last Willem put down the scroll. The music and the conversation ceased instantly. In dead silence he said, «It is a gallant company you have proposed. We are minded to confirm it.»

«You are most — gracious, Majesty.»

«We will ponder and inform you.» He leaned forward and said quietly to me alone, «Don't try to back down those damned steps. Just stand up. I am going to leave at once.»

I whispered back, «Oh. Thank you, Sire.»

He stood up, whereupon I got hastily to my feet, and he was gone in a swirl of robes. I turned around and noticed some startled looks. But the music started up at once and I was let to walk out while the noble and regal extras again made polite conversation.

Pateel was at my elbow as soon as I was through the far archway. «This way, sir, if you please.»

The pageantry was over; now came the real audience.

He took me through a small door, down an empty corridor, through another small door, and into a quite ordinary office. The only thing regal about it was a carved wall plaque, the coat of arms of the House of Orange, with its deathless motto, «I Maintain!» There was a big, flat desk, littered with papers. In the middle of it, held down by a pair of metal-plated baby shoes, was the original of the typed list in my pocket. In a copper frame there was a family group picture of the late Empress and the kids. A somewhat battered couch was against one wall and beyond it was a small bar. There were a couple of armchairs as well as the swivel chair at the desk. The other furnishings might have suited the office of a busy and not fussy family physician.

Pateel left me alone there, closing the door behind him. I did not have time to consider whether or not it was proper for me to sit down, as the Emperor came quickly in through a door opposite. «Howdy, Joseph,» he called out. «Be with you in a moment.» He strode through the room, followed closely by two servants who were undressing him as he walked, and went out a third door. He was back again almost at once, zipping up a suit of coveralls as he came in. «You took the short route; I had to come long way around. I'm going to insist that the palace engineer cut another tunnel through from the back of the throne room, damn me if I'm not. I have to come around three sides of a square — either that or parade through semi-public corridors dressed like a circus horse.» He added meditatively. «I never wear anything but underwear under those silly robes.»

I said, «I doubt if they are as uncomfortable as this monkey jacket I am wearing, Sire.»

He shrugged. «Oh well, we each have to put up with the inconveniences of our jobs. Didn't you get yourself a drink?» He picked up the list of nominations for cabinet ministers. «Do so, and pour me one.»

«What will you have, Sire?»

«Eh?» He looked up and glanced sharply at me. «My usual. Scotch on ice, of course.»

I said nothing and poured them, adding water to my own. I had had a sudden chill; if Bonforte knew that the Emperor always took scotch over bare cubes it should have been in his Farleyfile. It was not.

But Willem accepted the drink without comment, murmured, «Hot jets!» and went on looking at the list. Presently he looked up and said, «How about these lads, Joseph?»

«Sire? It is a skeleton cabinet, of course.» We had doubled up on portfolios where possible and Bonforte would hold Defense and Treasury as well as first. In three cases we had given temporary appointments to the career deputy ministers — Research, Population Management, and Exterior. The men who would hold the posts in the permanent government were all needed for campaigning.

«Yes, yes, it's your second team. Mmm ... How about this man Braun?»

I was considerably surprised. It had been my understanding that Willem would okay the list without comment, but that he might want to chat about other things. I had not been afraid of chatting; a man can get a reputation as a sparkling conversationalist simply by letting the other man do all the talking.

Lothar Braun was what was known as a «rising young statesman.» What I knew about him came from his Farleyfile and from Rog and Bill. He had come up since Bonforte had been turned out of office and so had never had any cabinet post, but had served as caucus sergeant at arms and junior whip. Bill insisted that Bonforte had planned to boost him rapidly and that he should try his wings in the caretaker government; he proposed him for Minister of External Communications.

Rog Clifton had seemed undecided; he had first put down the name of Angel Jesus de la Torre y Perez, the career subminister. But Bill had pointed out that if Braun flopped, now was a good time to find it out and no harm done. Clifton had given in.

«Braun?» I answered. «He's a coming young man. Very brilliant.»

Willem made no comment, but looked on down the list. I tried to remember exactly what Bonforte had said about Braun in the Farleyfile. Brilliant ... hardworking ... analytical mind. Had he said anything against him? No — well, perhaps — «a shade too affable.» That does not condemn a man. But Bonforte had said nothing at all about such affirmative virtues as loyalty and honesty. Which might mean nothing, as the Farleyfile was not a series of character studies; it was a data file.

The Emperor put the list aside. «Joseph, are you planning to bring the Martian nests into the Empire at once?»

«Eh? Certainly not before the election, Sire.»

«Come now, you know I was talking about the election. And have you forgotten how to say “Willem”? “Sire” from a man six years older than I am, under these circumstances, is silly.»

«Very well, Willem.»

«We both know I am not supposed to notice politics. But we know also that the assumption is silly. Joseph, you have spent your off years creating a situation in which the nests would wish to come wholly into the Empire.» He pointed a thumb at my wand. «I believe you have done it. Now if you win this election you should be able to get the Grand Assembly to grant me permission to proclaim it. Well?»

I thought about it. «Willem,» I said slowly, «you know that is exactly what we have planned to do. You must have some reason for bringing the subject up.»

He swizzled his glass and stared at me, managing to look like a New England groceryman about to tell off one of the summer people. «Are you asking my advice? The constitution requires you to advise me, not the other way around.»

«I welcome your advice, Willem. I do not promise to follow it.»

He laughed. «You damned seldom promise anything. Very well, let's assume that you win the election and go back into office — but with a majority so small that you might have difficulty in voting the nests into full citizenship. In such case I would not advise you to make it a vote of confidence. If you lose, take your licking and stay in office; stick the full term.»

«Why, Willem?»

«Because you and I are patient men. See that?» He pointed at the plaque of his house. «“I Maintain!” It's not a flashy rule but it is not a king's business to be flashy; his business is to conserve, to hang on, to roll with the punch. Now, constitutionally speaking, it should not matter to me whether you stay in office or not. But it does matter to me whether or not the Empire holds together. I think that if you miss on the Martian issue immediately after the election, you can afford to wait — for your other policies are going to prove very popular. You'll pick up votes in by-elections and eventually you'll come around and tell me I can add “Emperor of Mars” to the list. So don't hurry.»

«I will think about it,» I said carefully.

«Do that. Now how about the transportee system?»

«We're abolishing it immediately after the election and suspending it at once.» I could answer that one firmly; Bonforte hated it.

«They'll attack you on it.»

«So they will. Let them. We'll pick up votes.»

«Glad to hear that you still have the strength of your convictions, Joseph. I never liked having the banner of Orange on a convict ship. Free trade?»

«After the election, yes.»

«What are you going to use for revenue?»

«It is our contention that trade and production will expand so rapidly that other revenues will make up for the loss of customs.»

«And suppose it ain't so?»

I had not been given a second-string answer on that one — and economics was largely a mystery to me. I grinned. «Willem, I'll have to have notice on that question. But the whole program of the Expansionist Party is founded on the notion that free trade, free travel, common citizenship, common currency, and a minimum of Imperial laws and restrictions are good not only for the citizens of the Empire but for the Empire itself. If we need the money, we'll find it — but not by chopping the Empire up into tiny bailiwicks.» All but the first sentence was pure Bonforte, only slightly adapted.

«Save your campaign speeches,» he grunted. «I simply asked.» He picked up the list again. «You're quite sure this line-up is the way you want it?»

I reached for the list and he handed it to me. Damnation, it was clear that the Emperor was telling me as emphatically as the constitution would let him that, in his opinion, Braun was a wrong'un. But, hell's best anthracite, I had no business changing the list Bill and Rog had made up.

On the other hand, it was not Bonforte's list; it was merely what they thought Bonforte would do if he were compos mentis.

I wished suddenly that I could take time out and ask Penny what she thought of Braun.

Then I reached for a pen from Willem's desk, scratched out «Braun,» and printed in «de la Torre» — in block letters; I still could not risk Bonforte's handwriting. The Emperor merely said, «It looks like a good team to me. Good luck, Joseph. You'll need it.»

That ended the audience as such. I was anxious to get away, but you do not walk out on a king; that is one prerogative they have retained. He wanted to show me his workshop and his new train models. I suppose he has done more to revive that ancient hobby than anyone else; personally I can't see it as an occupation for a grown man. But I made polite noises about his new toy locomotive, intended for the «Royal Scotsman.»

«If I had had the breaks,» he said, getting down on his hands and knees and peering into the innards of the toy engine, «I could have been a very fair shop superintendent, I think — a master machinist. But the accident of birth discriminated against me.»

«Do you really think you would have preferred it, Willem?»

«I don't know. This job I have is not bad. The hours are easy and the pay is good — and the social security is first-rate — barring the outside chance of revolution, and my line has always been lucky on that score. But much of the work is tedious and could be done as well by any second-rate actor.» He glanced up at me. «I relieve your office of a lot of tiresome cornerstone-laying and parade-watching, you know.»

«I do know and I appreciate it.»

«Once in a long time I get a chance to give a little push in the right direction — what I think is the right direction. Kinging is a very odd profession, Joseph. Don't ever take it up.»

«I'm afraid it's a bit late, even if I wanted to.»

He made some fine adjustment on the toy. «My real function is to keep you from going crazy.»

«Eh?»

«Of course. Psychosis-situational is the occupational disease of heads of states. My predecessors in the king trade, the ones who actually ruled, were almost all a bit balmy. And take a look at your American presidents; the job used frequently to kill them in their prime. But me, I don't have to run things; I have a professional like yourself to do it for me. And you don't have the killing pressure either; you, or those in your shoes, can always quit if things get too tough — and the old Emperor — it's almost always the “old” Emperor; we usually mount the throne about the age other men retire — the Emperor is always there, maintaining continuity, preserving the symbol of the state, while you professionals work out a new deal.» He blinked solemnly. «My job is not glamorous, but it is useful.»

Presently he let up on me about his childish trains and we went back into his office. I thought I was about to be dismissed. In fact, he said, «I should let you get back to your work. You had a hard trip?»

«Not too hard. I spent it working.»

«I suppose so. By the way, who are you?»

There is the policeman's tap on the shoulder, the shock of the top step that is not there, there is falling out of bed, and there is having her husband return home unexpectedly — I would take any combination of those in preference to that simple inquiry. I aged inside to match my appearance and more.

«Sire?»

«Come now,» he said impatiently, «surely my job carries with it some privileges. Just tell me the truth. I've known for the past hour that you were not Joseph Bonforte — though you could fool his own mother; you even have his mannerisms. But who are you?»

«My name is Lawrence Smith, Your Majesty,» I said faintly.

«Brace up, man! I could have called the guards long since, if I had been intending to. Were you sent here to assassinate me?»

«No, Sire. I am — loyal to Your Majesty.»

«You have an odd way of showing it. Well, pour yourself another drink, sit down, and tell me about it.»

I told him about it, every bit. It took more than one drink, and presently I felt better. He looked angry when I told him of the kidnapping, but when I told him what they had done to Bonforte's mind his face turned dark with a Jovian rage.

At last he said quietly, «It's just a matter of days until he is back in shape, then?»

«So Dr. Capek says.»

«Don't let him go to work until he is fully recovered. He's a valuable man. You know that, don't you? Worth six of you and me. So you carry on with the doubling job and let him get well. The Empire needs him.»

«Yes, Sire.»

«Knock off that “Sire.” Since you are standing in for him, call me “Willem,” as he does. Did you know that was how I spotted you?»

«No, Si — no, Willem.»

«He's called me Willem for twenty years. I thought it decidedly odd that he would quit it in private simply because he was seeing me on state business. But I did not suspect, not really. But, remarkable as your performance was, it set me thinking. Then when we went in to see the trains, I knew.»

«Excuse me? How?»

«You were polite, man! I've made him look at my trains in the past — and he always got even by being as rude as possible about what a way for a grown man to waste time. It was a little act we always went through. We both enjoyed it.»

«Oh. I didn't know.»

«How could you have known?» I was thinking that I should have known, that damned Farleyfile should have told me ... It was not until later that I realized that the file had not been defective, in view of the theory on which it was based, i.e. it was intended to let a famous man remember details about the less famous. But that was precisely what the Emperor was not — less famous, I mean. Of course Bonforte needed no notes to recall personal details about Willem! Nor would he consider it proper to set down personal matters about the sovereign in a file handled by his clerks.

I had muffed the obvious — not that I see how I could have avoided it, even if I had realized that the file would be incomplete.

But the Emperor was still talking. «You did a magnificent job — and after risking your life in a Martian nest I am not surprised that you were willing to tackle me. Tell me, have I ever seen you in stereo, or anywhere?»

I had given my legal name, of course, when the Emperor demanded it; I now rather timidly gave my professional name. He looked at me, threw up his hands, and guffawed. I was somewhat hurt. «Er, have you heard of me?»

«Heard of you? I'm one of your staunchest fans.» He looked at me very closely. «But you still look like Joe Bonforte. I can't believe that you are Lorenzo.»

«But I am.»

«Oh, I believe it, I believe it. You know that skit where you are a tramp? First you try to milk a cow — no luck. Finally you end up eating out of the cat's dish — but even the cat pushes you away?»

I admitted it.

«I've almost worn out my spool of that. I laugh and cry at the same time.»

«That is the idea.» I hesitated, then admitted that the barnyard «Weary Willie» routine had been copied from a very great artist of another century. «But I prefer dramatic roles.»

«Like this one?»

«Well — not exactly. For this role, once is quite enough. I wouldn't care for a long run.»

«I suppose so. Well, tell Roger Clifton — No, don't tell Clifton anything. Lorenzo, I see nothing to be gained by ever telling anyone about our conversation this past hour. If you tell Clifton, even though you tell him that I said not to worry, it would just give him nerves. And he has work to do. So we keep it tight, eh?»

«As my emperor wishes.»

«None of that, please. We'll keep it quiet because it's best so. Sorry I can't make a sickbed visit on Uncle Joe. Not that I could help him — although they used to think the King's Touch did marvels. So we'll say nothing and pretend that I never twigged.»

«Yes — Willem.»

«I suppose you had better go now. I've kept you a very long time.»

«Whatever you wish.»

«I'll have Pateel go back with you — or do you know your way around? But just a moment — » He dug around in his desk, muttering to himself. «That girl must have been straightening things again. No — here it is.» He hauled out a little book. «I probably won't get to see you again — so would you mind giving me your autograph before you go?»