Doll Face

2

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Chazz was saying, bumping his head repeatedly against the steering wheel. “I just killed a guy… I just fucking killed a guy.”

In the back of his mind, he supposed he was waiting for one of them to disagree with him, but nobody was saying a thing. That made it worse. That made him practically want to scream.

You could have listened to Ramona. Just for once you could have listened to her and let her drive.

But he hadn’t.

Hell, something in him just couldn’t. Admitting he couldn’t drive just because he was fucked-up was like admitting he wasn’t a man. It would have been like handing her his balls. Here, you take these. I’m no good with them. And there was a dark, macho truth to that, he knew, and one that now sounded unbelievably childish and unbelievably stupid. They wouldn’t much care for it in court.

Because he would be going to court.

Drunk driving. Manslaughter. It meant doing time. If he only got five years, he’d be lucky. Five years in a goddamn state hole filled with animals that would all want something from him, if it wasn’t his ass, it would be money.

“Maybe you should just drive away before someone comes,” Creep said.

Which was exactly the sort of dumbass thing you expected Creep to say… but it was exactly what Chazz was thinking. Drive off, pretend it didn’t happen. He was actually considering it. As dangerous and reckless as it was, it made a certain amount of sense.

He looked out through the windshield.

Stokes was dead. He didn’t see so much as a single light on. Apparently, they were all sleeping. Nobody had been roused and that was a good thing. If he just drove off now, who’d be the wiser?

“There’s no other way,” he said.

The van had died when it skidded to a halt. He turned it over and the starter whined, but it did not catch. He tried it again and that’s when Ramona grabbed his hand. “What the hell are you doing?” she asked him.

God, he could feel her dark eyes boring into him.

“I’m saving my ass,” he told her, trying to turn over the van again. “I’m trying to save all our asses.”

“We’re not going anywhere,” she said.

He knocked her hand aside. “Oh yes, we are.”

She just stared at him. “You’re going to leave the scene of an accident? Aren’t you in enough trouble as it is?”

“Shut up,” he said.

“You might want to listen to her,” Soo-Lee said. “If you leave the scene of an accident—”

“Zip it,” Chazz told her.

Lex sighed. “He won’t listen to reason. It’s like trying to get a monkey to stop eating its own shit.”

“Oh God,” Danielle moaned.

“All of you shut the fuck up!” Chazz told them.

“Please, Chazz,” Ramona said. “Please, just listen for once, okay? Don’t make matters worse.”

“Shut up, Ramona. I won’t tell you again.”

“You won’t have to,” she said, opening her door and stepping out.

“FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU STUPID BITCH?”

“Here we go,” Creep said.

Chazz beat his fists against the dashboard. “GET THE FUCK BACK IN HERE OR YOU’RE STAYING BEHIND!”

Ramona didn’t bother justifying that with a reply, she just slammed her door shut.

Chazz unrolled his window. “Ramona! Get back in here! We have to go.”

“I’m not going.”

“Get in here or I’ll leave you behind! I swear to God I will!”

“Then go,” she said. “And when the cops arrive, I’ll give them your name and address and the license of your van. Go ahead, Chazz, run from your fucking mistakes like you always do. Just see how far you get.”

His jaw hung open. “I can’t believe you. After all we’ve been through.”

The truth was, he did believe her. This is exactly what he’d expected her to do when he needed her to stand with him. It wasn’t that she had high morals or steadfast ethics. No, it wasn’t that at all. She had been waiting for something like this. Waiting for a time when he needed her like never before so she could shit all over his parade.

I told her I loved her, too. I actually told the bitch that.

“Fuck you then,” he said.

Even though he knew that she had him, he kept trying to start the van but it wasn’t happening. The distributor must have gotten wet and all he was doing now was wearing down the battery. The only thing to do was wait, but he couldn’t do that. He didn’t have the time to wait.

He heard the side door of the van slide open.

He whipped his head around. “What the fuck are you people doing?”

What they were doing was apparent: they were getting out. Lex got out followed by Soo-Lee, Creep and Danielle right behind her. Fucking herd mentality. They were all just like Ramona; they couldn’t wait to hang him out to dry. Well, that was fine. They would need him, too, some day. That’s what he was going to wait for.

As Creep walked by the open window, Chazz seized him by the arm. “I said, what the fuck are you doing?”

Creep, with uncharacteristic defiance, yanked his arm away. “You ran somebody down. Don’t you think we should check and see if that somebody’s all right?”

But the idea of that made Chazz practically deflate inside.