Deus Irae

Thirteen

Peddling rapidly, the final image of the Great C extension and the hunter still strong in his mind, Pete guided his bicycle along the curving way that led among stone hills. Passing a steep shoulder, he was suddenly confronted with a number of small, moving figures who occupied the trail before him.

His action was automatic.

“Look out!” he shouted, twisting the handlebars and braking.

He struck stone, was thrown. The bicycle clattered and skidded on ahead. He scraped his elbow, his hip, his knee. In the instant preceding pain, he exclaimed, “Bugs!” with equal surprise and disgust.

As he recovered himself, rubbing and dusting, the nearest bug turned to him.

“Hey, big fella,” it observed, “you squoosh one of us and it’ll rain on you.”

“That’s ants,” Pete said, and, “Damn it! You want to play in traffic, you’re asking to be hit!”

“This ain’t exactly the rush hour,” the bug said, returning its attention to a dusty brown sphere about eight inches in diameter. It began pushing this along the trail while Pete checked his radio set for damage.

“Here’s another!” hollered one of the bugs from up ahead.

“Great! I’m coming.”

The dials glowed. The usual interim static peppered the air. Pete decided that the radio had fared better than had his back and hip. Heading then toward his bicycle, he came abreast of the bug once more. This time a telltale breeze caused him to dilate his nostrils.

“Say, bug, just what the—”

“Watch it!” snapped the chitinous wayfarer.

Pete’s recoil was only partly sufficient. A brown, crumbly mass struck his left foot and broke there.

He looked up the road to where another of the bugs stood laughing.

“You did that on purpose!” he said, shaking his fist.

“No, he didn’t,” said the bug at his side. “He was tossing it to me. Here.”

The bug pushed the brown ball over. He began cleaning Pete’s boot, adding the substance to his sphere.

“That’s manure,” Pete said.

“What do you expect to find a dung beetle pushing along the road—sour lemon balls?”

“Just get it off my foot. Wait a minute!”

“Wait, what? You want it now? Sorry. Finders keepers…”

“No, no. Take it off. But—as an expert on such matters, tell me—that’s a cow-pie, isn’t it?”

“Right,” said the bug, adding the last of the material to his ball. “Best kind. It heats up nice and uniform. Not too much. Just right.”

“That means a cow has passed this way.”

The bug chuckled.

“There is a meaningful relationship between the phenomena.”

“Bug, you’re all right,” Pete said, “shit and all. I might have missed this sign if it hadn’t been for you. You see, I am looking for a man in a cart drawn by a cow, an inc—”

“Named Tibor McMasters,” the bug stated, patting the ball smooth and moving ahead once again. “We spoke with him a while back. Our Pilg coincides with his own for some distance.”

Pete recovered his bicycle, twisting its handlebars back into position. Outside of that, there seemed to be no damage. He moved it onto the trail and walked with it, pacing the bug.

“Have you any idea where he is now?” he asked.

“At the other end of the trail,” the bug replied. “With the cow.”

“Was he all right when you talked with him?”

“He was. But his cart was giving him some difficulty. Needed lube for one wheel. Went off looking for some. Headed for the autofac, along with some runners.”

“Where is that?”

“Off over those hills.” It paused to gesture. “Not too far. The trail is marked.”

It patted at the dung ball.

“… Every now and then,” it added. “Just keep your eyes open.”

“Thanks, bug. What did you mean when you said you’re on a Pilg? I didn’t know bugs went on Pilgs.”

“Well,” it said, “the old lady’s getting ready to drop a mess of eggs. She wants the proper observances. The full rigamarole. They’re going to be hatched at God’s own mountain, where the younguns will see Him first thing they make their way out.”

“Your god sits on a mountain in plain sight?” Pete inquired.

“Well, a hill to you, or a mound,” the bug replied, “and of course his only his dead, corruptible, earthly form that remains.”

“What does your god look like?”

“Somewhat like ourselves, only God-sized. He is harder than our chitin, which is as it should be, but His body is pitted and weathered now. His eyes are covered with a million fracture lines, but they are still unshattered. He is partly buried in the sand, but still He looks down and out from His mount, across the world, seeing into our burrows and our hearts.”

“Where is this place?” Pete asked.

“Oh, no! That’s a bug secret. Just us Chosen can go there. Anybody else would strip the Body, steal the sacred Name.”

“Sorry,” Pete said, “I wasn’t trying to pry.”

“It’s your kind that did Him in,” the bug went on bitterly. “Caught Him there on His mountain with your damn war.”

“I had nothing to do with that,” Pete said.

“I know, I know. You’re too young, like all the rest. What do you want with the inc?”

“I want to go along with him to protect him. It’s dangerous for him to be alone, the way he is.”

“You’re right. Someone might want to steal that rig of his for the parts. Or the cow, to eat. You’d better get going then, Mister—”

“Pete. Pete Sands.”

“You’d better catch the inc then, Pete before someone else does. He’s little, like us, and would squoosh easier. I feel sorry for anyone like that.” Pete swung himself atop his bicycle again. “Try not to ride over any of the spoor, will you, Pete? It makes it dry out faster and it’s hard to scrape up.”

“All right, bug. I’ll look out.—You other bugs get out of my way. Coming through!” He rolled forward. He began to pedal. “So long,” he called back.

“May Veedoubleyou protect the inc till you find him,” said the bug, continuing on up the incline.

It was several hours later when he located the autofac, following the bug’s direction and an occasional spot of spoor. “Off over those hills. Not too far,” the bug had said. But the hills had continued on for a godawful rocky while before they led down into a place of scrubby bushes and desiccated weeds. He dismounted and walked with the bicycle. The day was well on toward evening by then, but the world was still a warm place, with heat lines fluttering above baked stone, shadows unfolding extra footage across scorched sands, and a sunset like a fire in a chemical factory destroying the west for his eyes. Weeds tangled themsleves in the bicycle chain, caught at his ankles. But they also indicated that a cart had passed among them, drawn by a single, hoofed beast. He followed this track toward a yarrow thicket and into it. The stiff brushes played tunes on the spokes.

He pushed on through, coming at last to an opening that admitted him to a clear, smooth area inthe center of which the sun’s oblique rays described the outline of a large, circular piece of metal.

He parked the bicycle and advanced cautiously. No telling what a rundown autofac might find offensive.

He drew near. He cleared his throat. How does one address an autofac?

“Uh—Your Fabricatorship?” he ventured.

Nothing.

“… Processor, Producer, Distributor, Maintainer,” he went on, a portion of the ritual now occuring to him, “Great Maker—Good on warranties, excluding labor and parts. I, a humble consumer, Pete Sands by name, beg leave to make representations before you.”

The lid of the autofac moved aside. A stalk rose from the uncovered shaft. It extended a bullhorn which turned in his direction.

“Which is it?” it bellowed. “The abortion or the lube?”

“Beg pardon?”

“You mean you haven’t made up your mind yet?” it roared. “I am going to electrocute you right now!”

“No! Wait! I—”

Pete felt a mild tingling in the soles of his feet. It lasted but a moment, and he began to back away then, noting the dark wisps of smoke that now emerged from the cavity, smelling of ozone and fried insulation.

“Not so fast!” came a roar. “What is that thing behind you?”

“Oh—my bike,” he replied.

“I see the problem. Bring it here.”

“There is no problem with the bike. I came to ask you about an inc named Tibor McMasters, and whether he had come to you—”

“The bicycle!” it shrieked. “The bicycle!”

With that, a long flexible grappel emerged from the pit and seized the vehicle’s frame just beneath the seat. It raised it from the ground and drew it toward the shaft. Pete caught at the handlebars as it passed by, digging in with his heels and pulling back on it.

“Let go of my bike! Damn it! I just want some information!”

It wrenched it away from him and drew it down into the opening.

“Customer to stand by for maintenance and repairs!” it shouted.

The arm emerged again and deposited a red-vinyl-and-tube-aluminum chair, a rack of Readers’ Digests, a stand ashtray, and a section of pale green partitioning on which was hung a Playboy calendar, a faded and fly-specked print of Crater Lake, and signs saying the CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT; SMILE; THINK; I DON’T GET ULCERS. I GIVE THEM; and ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES.

Sighing, Pete seated himself and began reading an article on the cure for cancer.

A humming noise arose from deep in the pit, rapidly growing into a roar, accompanied by an irregular banging and the screeches of tearing metal. Moments later he heard the lift grinding its way upward.

“Service with maximum efficiency!” the voice brayed. “Stand by to receive product!”

Pete rose and retreated from the shaft opening. Three arms were then extended in rapid succession. Each of them clutched a shiny tricycle.

“God damn it!” he cried. “You ruined my bike!” The arms hesitated, halted.

“The customer is not satisfied?” a soft, lethal voice inquired.

“Well—they are beautiful tricycles,” he said. “Real quality workmanship. Anyone can see that. It is just that I needed only one, full-size—and with two wheels, one front and one rear.”

“All right. Stand by for adjustment!”

“While you are about it,” Pete said, “could you tell me what occurred when Tibor McMasters came here?”

The tricycles were withdrawn and the noises began again. Above them, the voice roared out, “The little phoc left me an order and didn’t come back for it or the abortion. Here!” A carton of lube was expelled from the opening and landed near his feet. “That’s his order! Give it to him yourself if you want—and tell him I don’t need people like him for customers!”

Pete snatched up the carton and continued to back away, as the noises under the ground had grown to an ominous, thunderlike level, so that now the earth began to tremble from their vibration.

“Your order is now ready!” it rambled. “Stand By!” Pete turned and ran, crashing back through the thicket.

A shadow darkened the heavens, and he threw himself into the lea of a boulder and covered his head with his hands.

It began to rain pogo sticks.