Cipher

Chapter Twenty

The next morning Summer dug through her drawers and found the old clothes she used to love—the stuff she wore before it seemed so important to fit in with the in crowd. Not only was it nice to not care if the other girls would approve, but her old clothes were also comfy.

Steeling herself for another day in the trenches, she walked through the double doors of the school and headed for her locker. Kendall and several of the other girls from the dance team stood in a circle in the hall. Kendall narrowed her eyes on Summer as she approached. “Did you get dressed in the dark?”

The girls around Kendall all wore the same we’re-so-much-better-than-you expression Kendall had on.

“Uh-huh.” Summer found if she didn’t give them anything more, these conversations—more like attacks—went better. As long as she acted unfazed by their verbal jabs, they’d eventually get bored and give up.

“I can tell,” Kendall said. “You’ve really gone downhill without my influence.”

Summer grabbed her books out of her locker and turned to walk away. Cody stood there, blocking her path. Thanks to the verbal jabs being thrown at her already, her patience was wearing thin. “What do you want?”

“I figured out something last night.” Cody tilted his head as he studied her. “Why you and me didn’t work, and why you were always pushing me away. You’re into chicks. You and that Ashlyn girl are dating.”

Summer stared at him, thinking he was going to say he was only kidding. Instead, he stood there, brow furrowed, waiting for her response. “Um, no we’re not,” she said. “We were just hanging out. We’re friends.”

“You were holding hands.”

“No wonder you always stared in the girls’ locker room,” Kendall said from behind Summer. “You were checking us all out. All those times I changed in front of you.” She threw a hand to her chest. “I feel so violated.”

Summer rolled her eyes and looked back to Cody. “Did it ever occur to you that I just have high standards?”

“Hey, I don’t mind that you’re a lesbian. I’m cool with it.” Cody cocked an eyebrow. “In fact, I’d like to watch you two make-out sometime. I think you owe me that much after stringing me along for so long.”

Summer felt an arm around her waist and turned to see it was Troy. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. She automatically gripped his shoulder as he pulled her tighter to him, his hand spread on the small of her back, and parted her mouth with his. Heat wound through her body, and the rest of the world faded away. She forgot how to breathe, or why she needed oxygen anyway.

Then he pulled back, leaving her stomach with that just-stepped-off-a-roller-coaster feeling. He grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers with hers. “Come on, Sunshine. I’ll walk you to class.” He led her away from the shocked faces lining the hall. It was a good thing he was holding her hand, because she was shocked, too. So much so, she could hardly walk.

They rounded the corner, and Troy turned to face her, their bodies so close she could feel the warmth coming off of him. “You okay?”

Words didn’t come, so Summer simply nodded.

“I hope I didn’t just unwittingly put you back in the closet. I wanted to prove you rejected him because he’s a loser. Plus, just yesterday you were talking about the drummer being cute, so I assumed…”

“You assumed right,” she said. “I think Cody just can’t believe that any girl could resist his charms. So I guess when he saw me with Ashlyn last night—”

“Last night?”

“Cody was at the Crusifictorius show with his brother. I said hi, then Ashlyn and I took off. I guess he decided that meant I was with her. Like with her, with her.” Summer shook her head. “Oh well, I don’t really care what they think anymore. I guess as far as rumors go, that one’s not that bad. I suppose it won’t land me many dates, but that’s not something I’m too concerned about right now.” She realized she was still holding Troy’s hand, and that she didn’t want to let go of it. “Thanks for getting me away from them.”

“No problem.” He glanced around. “I’ve got to jet, but I’ll see you later?”

She nodded. “Later.”

Butterflies swirled through her stomach as she watched him walk away. Nope, she definitely wasn’t into girls. All she could think about was that kiss and how much she wanted to kiss him again.

The day went from horrible to awesome, back to horrible. At practice, Lexi called her a backstabbing whore because she’d obviously stolen Troy. Yeah, it was real classy. Then Kendall joined in with the insults. She and Summer had exchanged insults, and Kendall demanded her things back, which apparently included items she’d given Summer as gifts.

Instead of lingering on that, she decided to rewind back to this morning, when Troy had kissed her. Thinking about it made her pulse quicken and her heart flutter. She was definitely grinning like an idiot, too. But she told herself not to read too much into it. They’d been friends for so long. Yes, she had liked him in the beginning, before she found out about his girlfriend and things had gotten messy. But he was flirty by nature and had even said he was trying to help her out.

I feel like things have been shifting lately, though. She wanted to believe there was more to that kiss, but he certainly didn’t act like it meant anything to him. And I was so shocked I just kinda stood there. Great. He probably thinks I’m a crappy kisser now.

Summer unlocked the front door and tossed her keys off to the side. “Dad? Are you home?”

No answer.

She moved into the kitchen and saw a chocolate cheesecake on the counter, a couple of slices missing. There were also dirty dishes in the sink—it looked like Dad and Tiffany had come and gone. Summer grabbed a fork and dug into the dessert. Something about eating it right out of the pan made her feel happy and desperate at the same time.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she pulled it out. Ashlyn’s name lit up the display, so she swallowed the giant bite of food in her mouth. “Hey,” she choked out. Man, that cheesecake was rich.

Sobs greeted her first. “I…” Ashlyn sniffed. “Can you come over?”

Summer froze, hand wrapped around the glass she was pulling out of the cupboard. “Are you okay?”

“I just need a friend.”

“I’ll be there as fast as I can.” Summer grabbed a cold Dr. Pepper out of the fridge instead of bothering with a glass. On her way out the door, she texted Dad. As long as he knew where she was, he was pretty understanding. She noticed he was even more understanding since she was no longer spending time with Cody.

The desire to speed to Ashlyn’s was strong, but the last thing she needed was another ticket. After what seemed like twice the normal time it took to usually get there, Summer pulled up to the beige rancher.

When her best friend opened the door, her eyes were rimmed in red. Since Summer had recently taken to crying all the time, she knew the look all too well. “What happened?” she asked.

“My mother and I got into a huge fight.”

Summer’s heart dropped. So many bumps already lined the road to Ashlyn and her mom’s reconciliation. “What about?”

“She found out I was taking these diet pills. I thought she’d be happy.”

“You’re taking diet pills?” Summer hardly recognized her own voice, it was so high. “Those are so dangerous.”

Ashlyn crossed her arms. “Now you sound like my mother. I should’ve known you wouldn’t understand. You don’t have to work to be skinny.”

“Ash, I’m sorry,” she said. “I just don’t want you to do anything that would harm your body.”

“Seriously, did my mother call and run lines with you?”

Summer took a deep breath, working to find the right response. “Okay, you vent. I’ll listen. Just let it all out.”

“Let’s go to my room.” Once they got to Ashlyn’s room, she talked about how hard she’d worked to lose weight and how she’d turned to the diet pills when she got desperate. “So Mother found them in my purse and had a conniption. She said all the stuff you did, claiming they weren’t safe, and that she wanted me to lose weight the healthy way, not the cheating way. I told her that the healthy way wasn’t working, then she said it was because I was lazy.” Tears filled Ashlyn’s eyes and her voice rose a couple octaves. “That I wasn’t trying hard enough.”

“That’s where my opinion is different,” Summer said. “You’re not lazy. I know that for a fact. You drag my butt into the water on a regular basis, and I can hardly keep up.”

Ashlyn shook her head. “I wheeze the whole time, though. I thought if I could get some of the weight off, exercising wouldn’t be such a pain and I could finish the so-called healthy way.”

“Seriously, I think you’re fabulous the way you are.”

“That’s because you’re skinny. It’s easy for you to say because no one’s ever called you fat. My own mother does.”

Summer felt her blood pressure slowly rising. “She said you’re fat?”

“She doesn’t have to say it. She says it with her actions and her disappointed expressions. With every low-fat meal she shoves at me and every pointed mention of exercise.”

Summer locked eyes with Ashlyn, wanting to be sure this came across. “When I look at you, I see my best friend. I never even thought it was possible to be so close to someone in such a short time. To me, that’s more important than anything else. And I honestly think you’re beautiful just the way you are.”

“What did you think when you first met me, though?”

“I thought that I really wanted to get to know you.” It was an honest answer, but only halfway honest. Summer had judged Ashlyn—had thought about her weight. That memory slapped her across the face now. “I know I’ve been judgmental before. A few months ago, I might’ve even joined in with the other girls to make fun of Darren and Aaron—probably the whole group—and I’m ashamed of that. I decided to change who I was, and I hope I’m doing that. I know I won’t be perfect, that I’ll occasionally slip. But I want to make it clear again that I think you’re really pretty. Obviously Matt does, too.”

Ashlyn studied Summer a moment before giving her half a smile. “So you don’t regret your decision to join The Misfits?”

“Not for a second. Earlier today at practice, I even told Kendall that I’d rather be in the Reject Group, knowing that they have my back, than have fake friends who turn on me. If anything, I regret my decision to ever get caught up with her group in the first place. I’m not going to lie, certain aspects were nice, but I think I lost myself along the way. So much so, that I didn’t remember who I really was until I met you.” The memory of Aaron and Darren trying to teach her how to play chess today at lunch hit her, and she smiled. “Until I learned more about chess than I ever wanted to know.”

Ashlyn’s smile deepened. “Who knew such a cool girl was hidden among the snobby airheads?”

“I’d say something about that, but I’m trying not to be judgmental. So I’ll just say that I’m sure somewhere deep down, there are good things about those girls, too.”

“Wow, how very politically correct of you.” Ashlyn leaned back against the headboard of her bed. “You really told Kendall that you’d rather be in the Reject Group?”

“I did. I didn’t bother telling her that we prefer the title The Misfits. I’ll have to throw that in some other time.”

“I would’ve loved to see her face. I bet no one’s ever stood up to her before. That’s why she’s so mad.”

“It’s sad, though,” Summer said, and the wall she’d worked to build up around her heart cracked a bit. “Kendall and I used to be friends. Maybe not on the same level you and I are, but I never thought it would get this bad.”

“I’m glad you don’t give in and go back to them. That’s what most people would’ve done.”

Another wave of guilt crashed into Summer. If Gabriella hadn’t pushed her, would she have gone back? She certainly hoped not. At least she knew she wouldn’t ever go back now. And not just because Kendall wouldn’t let her.

Summer picked a stray thread off Ashlyn’s bedspread, not wanting to fight anymore, but not willing to let it go. “Now, I know this might make you mad, but as your friend, I’m going to go ahead and say it anyway. Your mom, as many faults as she might have, proved she loved you tonight. Even if it was in a slightly twisted and offensive way. That’s progress, right?”

Ashlyn heaved a sigh. “I guess. But really, really little progress.”

“When you cool off, you should tell her you appreciate her concern.”

“Let’s not get crazy. The woman did call me lazy.”

Something told Summer not to push. Not right now. “So are you gonna put on some tunes or what? I’m ready to dance it out.”

Ashlyn pushed herself to her feet. Like Summer, she bought mostly CDs so she could have the inserts that came in them. There was just something about holding the lyrics. “Oh, I know. I’ll blast My Chemical Romance. Mother hates it.”

So much for progress.