Cages and Those Who Hold the Keys

9

When I was eleven years old, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She went fast, lasting just over one year, but it was an agonizing year. My dad, who never was worth much of anything, put her to bed and left her there, leaving it up to me to make sure she got her medicine on time, to change her sheets, and to clean her up when she didn’t make it to the bathroom on time.

Toward the end, I became so angry with him, with his cowardice and drunkenness, that I actually made the mistake of hitting him one night.

He beat the shit out of me, then threw me out the back door into the yard. It had snowed a lot that week, and there was about a foot of snow and ice on the ground.

I remember landing on my side, half my face buried in the snow.

I remember that I couldn’t move because it hurt so much.

And I remember thinking how cold my ear was getting.

I regained consciousness about five hours later. A neighbor had come home and seen me laying in the yard. They took me to the hospital where I stayed for almost two weeks. I had pneumonia and frostbite. They had to remove my ear, which was okay because I was deaf on that side, anyway.

Somewhere in there dad took off and just left Mom alone. The whole time I was in the hospital, I was so scared because she had no one there to take care of her (one of our neighbors was keeping an eye on her, but I didn’t know that).

By the time I was released, Mom was all but dead. She lasted just two days after I got home.

There was no money to cover the hospital bills, so the house was sold, and I was put into the care of the county.

I remember that as I sat there in the courthouse, waiting for someone from Childrens’ Services to come and collect me, that I had never felt so alone and afraid in my life. I hated myself for not being there for Mom, and I hated Dad for being such a worthless coward, and I hated looking like a freak with one ear, and I hated everything.

But mostly, I hated feeling that afraid.

And I promised myself that I would never, ever, ever feel that afraid again, no matter what.

A promise that I had kept to myself until the moment the Reverend, Grant, Sheriff Jackson, and I hit the bottom of those stairs and turned in the hallway.

And I came face to face with the Mudman.