Butcher Bird

FIFTY Holy Shit

Spyder and Ashbliss skirted the edge of the construction site and entered Pandemonium by a side street in what appeared to be the butchers’ quarter.

Heavy-muscled demons in stiff rubber aprons hacked, gutted and sliced mystery meats in stinking shops on a dim boulevard whose gutters ran black with blood as thick and dark as chocolate syrup. Wriggling tentacles and the snouts and bellies of giant coal-colored hogs hung on rusty meat hooks next to the egg-white entrails of horse-size beetles.

They rounded a corner and entered a wide public plaza. The place was spotlessly clean and a pleasant scent of roses filled the air. Across the boulevard was a great, domed crimson building. Below the large central dome were a cluster of smaller domed outer buildings, with spiraling white minarets at the cardinal points. The place reminded Spyder of Hagia Sophia in Istanbul, though this structure was a dark and dismal parody of the ancient church-turned-mosque.

“Is that the palace?” Spyder asked.

Ashbliss pulled him quickly through the plaza. “Of course. Keep your head down. Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to, slave.”

“Let’s walk by the entrance and see if there are guards.”

“There aren’t. We’re going to my master’s home.”

“I don’t trust you. Five minutes isn’t going to kill you.”

“It will if one of Beelzebub’s other attendants sees us and asks questions.”

Spyder stopped in his tracks, but Ashbliss didn’t notice. When he reached the end of the chain, he was jerked back and almost fell over. The demon yanked Spyder with all his weight.

“Move, slave.”

“No.”

“We had a deal.”

“Let’s walk by the palace.”

“Someone will see us!”

“They will if you keep arguing with a slave.”

“You selfish beast. You want to trick me!”

“No, this one usually keeps his word. Though, some women might argue the point,” spoke another more familiar voice.

Spyder looked at a nearby bench, the apparent source of the voice, but no one was there. Then, by his ear he heard, “Bring hither the fatted calf, and let us eat, and be merry. The prodigal son is returned.”

“My lord!” cried Ashbliss, dropping onto his belly.

“Count? How did you get down here?”

Count Non smiled and clapped Spyder on the back. “Guess,” he said.

“You’re on the guest list?”

“I make the guest list, little brother.”

Spyder looked at Count Non and in his eyes he saw unfathomable expanses of time. A heart wounded more desperately than Spyder had ever imagined was possible. A pit of reckless and brilliant fury. Desolation and pride—these most of all. They seemed to unfold from Count Non like a pair of dark wings.

“Holy shit,” Spyder said.

“That was once my name in a dead Sumerian dialect.”

“You’re Lucifer.”

“That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.”

Lucifer went to Ashbliss and prodded him with his boot. “Up, you rosy turd. I know what you wanted from this mortal, and you can’t have it. Normally, I wouldn’t care about your second-rate treacheries, but we’re at war and I need my loyal generals on their feet, not buried under quicklime in the garden. Understand?”

Ashbliss got to his feet, but stared down at the black and white pavement slabs that formed a checkerboard pattern in the square. “I understand, my lord. Have mercy on me.”

“Mercy? You must be thinking of someone else.”

“Cut the little creep some slack,” said Spyder. “He’s supposed to be sneaky. He’s a demon for Christ sake. Oh. Is it okay to say that down here?”

“Do you hear that?” Lucifer asked Ashbliss. “This mortal, whom you were about to betray and murder, is pleading for your life. It will be a long time before you see such grace down here again.”

“Kill me? We had a deal.”

“No, you had a lie,” said Lucifer. “This little wretch doesn’t work for Beelzebub. Do you, turd?”

“No, my lord.”

“Ashbliss here is a freelance thug. Someone has paid him to dispose of one of my better commanders. Possibly our friend, Xero. Little Ashbliss was going to trick you into doing the dirty work for him and then eliminate you.”

“Is that true?” Spyder asked.

Ashbliss wrung his hands.

“Fuck him,” said Spyder. “Drag him back to the butchers’ quarter and let them hang him up on a hook.”

“I can’t refuse a guest,” Lucifer told the demon.

Ashbliss burst into tears. His candles flickered out, one by one.

“Hell, I’m just blowing off steam. Can’t you just lock him up or something?” asked Spyder. Then to Ashbliss. “You’ll tell this man everything he wants to know, won’t you, asshole?”

Ashbliss looked up with red-rimmed eyes, not sure what to do. He lunged and grabbed Spyder’s hand, planting kisses on it with his thin membranous lips. “I will! I will! Thank you!” His candles flickered back to life.

Spyder looked at Lucifer. “Can you make the doggie stop humping me?”

“Come here, wretch.”

Ashbliss went and stood before Lucifer.

“You’ll begin your rehabilitation by going back to where you left my friend’s companions and bringing them to my palace. Go quickly, before you ruin my good mood.”

Bowing once, then twice, Ashbliss took off across the plaza as fast as his stumpy legs would carry him.

“Run, Forrest, run!” shouted Spyder.

Lucifer grabbed Spyder in a quick embrace. He was dressed in a striped black-and-gold hakama, the familiar chainmail over this bare chest, and a short jacket of some shiny material—vinyl or rubber. His head was shaved, and from his mid-scalp down the back of his neck, his pale skin was covered with black tattoos, intricate lettering in what Spyder remembered from Jenny’s books was a kind of Angelic Script related to the Coptic alphabet. Even in Hell, Lucifer carried deep scars in his handsome face.

“It’s good to see you, little brother.”

“You know, my father was Baptist and my mother was Lutheran and sometimes I ended up going to both churches on the same Sunday, so I shouldn’t be happy to see you,” said Spyder. “But I am.”

“Being able to embrace contradictions is a sign of intelligence.”

“Or insanity.”

“That’s what the archangel Gabriel once said to me. Just before I cut off his head.”

“Damn.”

“I didn’t have a choice. He would have cut off mine, if I’d given him the chance. I haven’t thought about that in a long time. You know, that was the incident that triggered the war.”

“In Heaven?”

“None other. You don’t really think we’re here because of the nice views?” Lucifer put out his right arm and wrapped Spyder’s left arm around it. “We can catch up while I show you around my little kingdom.”