Bullied

CHAPTER FOUR

When the bell rang, it marked the beginning of a new school year, but what did that year hold for me now? Certainly not what I was thinking earlier this morning-pending death. Certain destruction. A fist to the gut.

But what now?

Without being conscious of it, I’d just turned someone into a spinning sphere of light. Until I learned exactly how to use this thing, I’d need to monitor all my thoughts, which was scary because doing so was next to impossible when most of the school had it in for me.

What if someone came up behind me and punched me and I had one of my usual thoughts-die! Would they? Was this thing that powerful? Could I kill someone with it? The whole thing made me uneasy and, frankly, kind of scared. What were its limits? Did it have limits?

Did I have limits?

I needed to speak to creepy Jim now-not later-but since I didn’t own a cell, there was no way to reach him, so I’d need to suck it up and try to keep things under control until later, when I could speak to him.

That is, if he’d talk to me. I was told to figure this thing out on my own. Somehow, I’d need to do that. But how? Would today's Sara and Jake incidents create enough attention to move the target off me for the next several hours? As I moved toward the door, people were still talking about them, so I was able to slip under the radar as we all shuffled into the hall. I caught a few looks shot my way, but none of them lingered-the interest was elsewhere. For once, I wasn’t the focus.

But I was curious.

English was first and I had a few minutes to get there. Ahead of me was the boy’s bathroom. I stepped inside, saw no one there. I went to one of the mirrors and looked at myself. Face covered with acne. Hair a thick, wiry mess. Tooth missing thanks to one of Dad’s drunken benders.

Could I change it?

I stood there, staring at my face. How would I even begin to change it? Could I change it? When I turned Sara into a menorah, I’d been in my head, thinking that she should have an aura of light about her since she was so goddamned perfect.

And so that’s the tactic I took now. I looked at myself and thought that my acne should disappear and never come back, that my tooth should return, that my hair should have smooth, natural waves. Minutes passed. I studied my face and thought long and hard, willing it to happen-but nothing happened. Nothing changed. I was still the tall, skinny kid with a face made for a horror movie.

Why couldn’t I change it? Was it beyond the amulet’s limits?

I looked around the room. Across from me was a light. Certainly, I could shatter it. I thought about the light and in my mind’s eye, I imagined it exploding. But it didn’t. As much as I tried, I couldn’t make it happen. I held out my hand in front of me like some powerful being from a horror movie, I thought “shatter,” and then I tossed an imaginary ball of energy toward the light.

Zip.

What had I done to make Sara light up like that? I hadn’t been scared of her-that wasn’t it. I hadn’t felt threatened. So, what was it? Was there a limit on how often you could use this thing per day? Because if there was, I was screwed.

I was just leaving the bathroom when I remembered what creepy Jim said to me. It's different with everyone. Might not even work for you. But if it does, you'll need to figure out how it can help you just like me and everyone else before me. There's no training manual. There's no directions. You work it with your heart and with your head.

And there it was.

With my face and with the light I tried to shatter, I’d only been using my head, not my heart. I wasn’t fully vested. I went back to the mirror and looked at myself, hating what I saw. My parents were too poor to buy me anything to control the acne, and so it had taken over my face and parts of my neck, turning it red with its craters and swollen bumps.

I was ashamed to look like this and I spooled down into that feeling, tapping into in a way that I hadn’t before. You work it with your heart and with your head. My face should be free of acne. It should be smooth and I should have a normal complexion-the best complexion-just like the rich kids.

And then I did.