Blood Witch

CHAPTER 19 Circle of Two

They are pushing me to join with her. And I want to do it. Goddess, how I want to do it. She is a butterfly, a flower in bloom, a dark ruby being cut from dusty stone. And I can make her better than that. I can make her catch fire, so her power illuminates all who stand near. I can teach her, I can help her reach the deep magick within. Together we will be unstoppable.

Whoever would have thought this could happen? One look at her would not have revealed the tigress waiting inside. Her love devours me, her constancy humbles me, her beauty and power make me hunger.

She will be mine. And I will be hers.

— Sgath

I stared at Cal, loving him but feeling utterly lost.

"I thought you wanted me, too,"he said quietly.

I nodded. That was true—partially, anyway. But what my brain wanted and my body wanted were two different things.

"If you're worried about birth control, I can take care of it," he said. "I wouldn't ever hurt you."

"I know." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, and I willed them to stop. I felt like a complete failure, and I didn't know why.

Cal rolled away from me, his arm resting across his forehead as he looked at me. "So what is it?" he said.

"I don't know," I whispered. "I mean, I want to, but I just can't. I don't feel ready."

He reached out his other hand and held mine, absently stroking his thumb across my palm. Finally he shifted and sat up cross-legged in front of me. I scrambled into a sitting position opposite him.

"Are you angry?" I asked him.

He smiled wryly. "I'll live. It's okay. Don't worry about it. I…" He left the sentence unfinished.

"I'm sorry," I said miserably. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

He leaned over and pushed my hair off my neck to kiss my nape gently. I shuddered at the warmth of his lips. "Nothing is wrong with you," he whispered. "We have our whole future together. There's no hurry. Whenever you're ready, I'll be here."

I swallowed, worrying that if I opened my mouth again, I would definitely start crying.

"Look, let's do a circle," he said, rubbing the tension out of my neck. "Not a circle circle, but like a joined meditation. It's another way for us to be close. Okay?"

I nodded. "Okay," I choked out.

I reached for him, and we held hands loosely, with our knees touching. Together we closed our eyes and began to systematically shut everything down: emotions, sensations, awareness of the outside world. I felt embarrassed about not wanting to sleep with him, but I deliberately released those feelings. It was almost as if I could see them falling away from me. My eyes stopped stinging: my throat relaxed.

Gradually our breathing, in sync, slowed and quieted. I had been meditating almost every day, and it was easy for me to slip into a light trance. I lost the sensation of toughing Cal: we felt joined, breathing as one, drifting as one into a place of deep peace and restfulness. It was a relief.

I became aware of the strength of Cal's mind, aligning with mine, and it was very exciting and intimate. It was amazing that we could share this, and I thought of all the nonwitches in the world who would probably never be able to achieve such closeness with their lovers. I breathed a long sigh of contentment.

In our meditation I felt Cal's thoughts; I read the intensity of his passion, felt his desire for me, and my flesh broke out in goosebumps. I felt his admiration of my strength in the craft, as well as eagerness for me to progress—to get stronger and stronger, as strong as he was. I tried to share my own thoughts with him, unsure if he was reading me as well. I expressed my desires and hopes for our future together; I tried to let waves of pure emotion convey my feelings in a way that words never could.

Eventually we drifted apart, like two leaves separating at they fell toward earth. I slipped back into myself, and we remained there for a while afterward, gazing at each other. It was the most intensely connected I had ever felt to another person. I knew it. But knowing this also made me feel vulnerable and nervous.

"Was it good for you?" I asked, trying to lighten the moment.

He smiled. "It was great for me."

I looked into his face for a while longer, allowing myself to get lost in his eyes, enjoying the silence and die glow of the candles. Dimly I became aware of the ticking of a clock nearby. I glanced at it.

"Oh my God, is it one o'clock," I gasped.

Cal looked, too, and grinned. "Hmmm. Do you have a curfew?"

I was already climbing off the bed. "Not officially," I said, searching for my shoes. "But I'm supposed to call if if I'm later than midnight. Of course, if I call now, I'll wake them up," Quickly I gathered my presents into a pile. I found Maeve's athame and put it back inside my coat. We trotted downstairs. A pang of longing welled up inside me; I wanted to stay here, in the warmth and coziness of Cal's room, with him.

Cold wind blasted my face when we stepped through the front door.

"Ugh," I moaned, gripping the neck of my coat tighter.

Heads down, we hurried out to Cal's Explorer. "Maybe we should call your folks and tell them you're having a sleeping over," he suggested with a grin.

I laughed, thinking of how well that would go over with Mom and Dad, then carefully placed my beautiful birthday presents on the backseat. But as I was about to climb into the front, the sound of a car arriving made me pause, I glanced at Cal. His eyes had narrowed. He looked alert and tense, his hand on the car door next to me.

"Is it your mom?" I asked.

Cal shook his head. "That's not her car."

Using magesight, I squinted into the approaching headlights, staring right past them. My heart lurched. It was a gray car. Hunter's car.

He pulled to a stop in front of us.

"Oh God, what's he doing here?" I groaned. "It's one in the morning!"

"Who knows?" Cal said tersely. "But I need to talk to him, anyway."

Hunter left his car running as he stepped out and faced us. The headlights put him in silhouette, but I could see that his green eyes were solemn. His cold seemed to have gotten better. His breath was like white smoke.

"Hello," he said precisely. Just hearing him speak made me clench up. "Fancy meeting the both of you here. How inconvenient."

"Why?" Cal asked, his voice tow. "Were you going to put sigils on my house, like you did Morgan's?"

A glimmer of surprise crossed Hunter's face, "Know about that, do you?" he said, shifting his gase to me.

I nodded coldly.

"What else do you know?" Hunter asked. "Like, do you know what Cal wants from you? What you are to him? Do you know the truth about anything?"

I glared at him, trying to think of a scathing reply. But again the only thought was: Why is he tormenting me like this?

Beside me Cal clenched his fists. "She knows the truth. I love her."

"No," Hunter corrected him. "The truth is, you need her. You need her because she has incredible, untapped powers. You need her so you can use her power to take over the High Council, and then you can start to eliminate the other clans, one by one. Because you're a Woodbane, too, and frankly, the other clans just aren't good enough."

My eyes flashed to Cal. "What is he talking about? You're not a Woodbane, are you?"

"He's raving." Cal muttered, staring at Hunter with pure contempt. "Saying anything he can think of to hurt me." Cal put his arm around me. "You can forget breaking us up," he said. "She loves me, and I love her."

Hunter laughed. The sound of it was like glass shattering, "What a crock," he spat. "She's your lightning rod—the last surviving member of Belwicket, the destined high priestess of one of the most powerful of the Woodbane dans. Don't you get it? Belwicket renounced the dark arts! There's no way Morgan would agree to what you want!"

"How would you know what I would do?" I shouted, infuriated by how he was speaking as if I weren't there.

Cal just shook his head. "There's no point to this," he said. "We're together, and there's nothing you can do. So you can go back to where you came from and leave us alone."

Hunter chuckled softly, "Oh. no. I'm afraid it's much too late for that. You see, the council would never forgive me if I left Morgan in your clutches."

"What?" I practically screeched. What the hell did the council care who I dated? I hardly even knew about the council. How could know know so much about me?

"You should know about forgiveness," Cal snapped. "After all, the council has never quite forgiven you for killing your brother, right? You're still making up for that, aren't you? Still trying to prove it wasn't your fault."

I stared at the two of them. I had no idea what Cal was talking about, but his tone terrified me. He sounded like a stranger.

"Go to hell," Hunter snarled, his body tightening.

"Wiccans don't believe in hell," Cal whispered.

Hunter started toward us, his face stiff with fury. All at once Cal ducked into the car and snatched the athame he'd given me from the pile of gifts. My pulse shot into overdrive. This isn't happening, I thought in panic. This can't be happening. I watched, immobile, as Cal backed away from me. Hunter glanced between the two of us.

"You want me?" Cal taunted Hunter. "You want me, Hunter? Then come get me." With that, he turned and sped straight for the dark woods bordering the property. I blinked, and he was out of sight, hidden by trees and darkness.

Hunter was wild-eyed as he scanned the woods' edge.

"Stay here!" he commanded me, then he raced off after Cal.

I stopped for just a moment. Then I ran after them.