Blackout

Every time I think my life can’t get any weirder, it does. Today has included a missing Newsie from the Rising generation who just happens to be running a rest stop on the smuggler’s route to Canada, rednecks with guns, listening to Shaun sing along with the radio (badly), and a zombie bear. Who knows what delights tomorrow will bring? And will tomorrow bring a shower with enough hot water to finish washing my hair?

Stay tuned for our next exciting update that I can’t post because it might give our location away to some mysterious shadow conspiracy.

Fuck, this sucks.

—From Charming Not Sincere, the blog of Rebecca Atherton, July 26, 2041. Unpublished.

IF YOU ARE READING THIS, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR ROOM. If you are already outside your room, find a secure location immediately. The following places on campus are currently secure: The library. The Life Sciences building. The student store. Durant Hall. The Optometry lab. The following places are confirmed compromised: The English and Literature building. The Bear’s Den. The administrative offices.

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. THIS IS NOT A PRANK. This is Professor Michael Mason. We are in a state of emergency. If you are reading this, do not leave your room.

Stacy, darling, I’ll be home as soon as I can.

—From Breathing Biology, the blog of Michael Mason, July 18, 2014. Taken from the archives of The Wall.