I wish someone had told me that wanting to be in charge and being in charge were such utterly different things.
Stone had never felt so comfortable. Auum hadn’t lain down until his clothes had dried out enough to give him a little comfort. Neither had he been able to settle when feeling returned to his face, hands and feet. The tingling and aching had been difficult to endure but ultimately very satisfying.
Before he rolled his damp cloak up for a pillow, he took the time to whisper words of thanks to, and say prayers for, those of the Il-Aryn currently maintaining the barrier. He lay for a while enjoying the chatter around him before sleep swept him off to the dark.
Moments later he woke to the light of a new dawn. Beyond the cocoon the snow fell thick and unrelenting, blown by the harsh wind. He shivered at the prospect of leaving the shelter. Next to him Ulysan was snoring. Auum thumped a fist on his chest and he turned away, still snoring.
‘The idea is that you wake up,’ said Auum.
He could smell cooking horsemeat, and there were plenty of elves already awake who were eating their fill, gazing out at the cold and smiling at their fortune.
‘I know,’ came Ulysan’s voice muffled by his body. ‘But now I can’t get up because of this pain in my chest.’
‘It’s a sobering thought that while we have escaped death, at least for now, we have not, nor ever will, escape your jokes.’
‘Did not Yniss say that some things must remain constant for us to survive?’
‘No,’ said Auum.
‘Well he probably should have done.’
Ulysan sat up, and Tilman stirred and pushed himself up on his elbows next to him.
‘How’s the patient?’ asked Auum.
‘Me?’ asked Tilman.
‘No, the other human with a bad ankle,’ said Ulysan.
Tilman didn’t understand the big TaiGethen.
‘Yes, you,’ said Auum.
‘I can walk,’ said Tilman. ‘It’s still healing but the mages say that exercise will help now.’
‘Looks like you’re out of a job,’ Auum said to Ulysan.
‘Then you woke me for no reason.’
Auum clapped him on the shoulder. ‘I have a much better job for you and for Merrat, Graf, Marack and Hohan for that matter.’
Ulysan stared at him, his expression bleak. ‘It’s pathfinding, isn’t it?’
‘A brisk walk in the cold never hurt anyone,’ said Auum.
‘Dear Yniss spare me, I wish I was Il-Aryn,’ said Ulysan gloomily. ‘When do we start?’
‘As soon as we can borrow enough clothes to keep us warm. We need to get off this mountain.’
‘Just as I was starting to enjoy it.’ Ulysan glanced at Tilman. ‘Can you climb?’
Tilman patted his leg.
‘Bad ankle,’ he explained.
Ulysan roared with laughter.
Hohan dropped the last fifteen feet back down to the ground, slipped on the ice and was caught by Marack.
He shook his head and pointed up into the blizzard. ‘There’s an overhang. I don’t think even Ulysan could grab the edge let alone some frozen Il-Aryn,’ he said. ‘It’s not possible, sorry.’
Auum, his hands cold despite the thick bindings of torn cloth on his palms leaving just his fingertips free for climbing, leaned back to escape the worst of the angry wind. They were running out of options. Hohan had almost fallen on one ice-covered climb; Ulysan had made good ground on a face that led to a low peak but could find no way beyond it; and Auum had attempted to cross an ice bridge only to have it crack beneath his weight. He’d been able to get back but the bridge had fallen into a chasm. Marack had climbed high but had found the wind so strong it all but lifted her from the cliff face, and she had come back without reaching the top, saying it would be impossible for the Il-Aryn to ascend.
That left Grafyrre and Merrat, who had inched out along a narrow ledge over a precipice to where the former thought he had seen a climbable fissure during a break in the weather yesterday. They’d been gone longer than Auum liked.
‘They’ll be fine,’ said Ulysan, sensing his mood. ‘They’re almost as good as me.’
Auum nodded and stared in the direction they’d gone. The elves weren’t far from the overhang and the warmth of the barrier, and it still gave Auum a good feeling to think of the moment it had snapped into place and he’d known that they were all going to live. But the morning’s search for a route had been fruitless, and should the pair come back blank, the only remaining chance was further along the ledge beyond the crack. No one knew what lay there; only that it turned into the teeth of the gale.
‘I’m going to take a look,’ he shouted, leaning his head into Ulysan as the wind roared its fury yet again. ‘See if I can help.’
‘Leave them,’ said Ulysan. ‘Don’t fear for them.’
Auum couldn’t help it — he felt anxious and fidgety.
‘It’s not like you can hold a rope for them, is it?’ added Marack.
Auum held up his hands. ‘But what if they’re in trouble?’
Ulysan raised his eyebrows. ‘This is Merrat and Graf, remember? It’s not Tilman and Stein out there.’
Auum cracked a smile which broadened when he saw two indistinct shapes moving towards them through the blizzard. Merrat and Grafyrre joined them on their ledge, blowing on their hands and stamping their feet.
‘It is seriously cold out there,’ said Merrat.
‘Well it’s good to have you back on this ledge in the warm with us then,’ said Ulysan.
‘Speak to me, Graf,’ said Auum.
‘It’s climbable, even relatively straightforward in places,’ he said.
‘I sense a but,’ said Auum.
Grafyrre nodded. ‘It’s narrow in places too. You won’t get up there with a pack on your back and some of our larger individuals might struggle.’
‘Surely we can tie a line of packs and let them hang below,’ said Marack.
‘We can work on that.’
‘There’s another but isn’t there? What’s at the top?’
‘First off, it’s a good long climb. We’ve been assessing the best routes all morning as well as scouting the next section. It’s a tough ask for the mages and adepts and it’s far too windy for flying,’ said Merrat.
Grafyrre continued, ‘There is respite at the top, though. It’s a wide plateau bordered by two peaks, north and south. Easy walking, plenty of scrambling and the odd little climb though it’s really exposed. It ends with an ice-covered slope down at quite a gradient. You wouldn’t want to slip on it.’
Auum had a sinking feeling. ‘And what’s at the end?’
‘We didn’t get that far but we suspect it’s a sheer drop,’ said Merrat.
Auum turned his palms up. ‘So, is it our route? It’s your say. We try it, or do we go further round the ledge?’
Grafyrre and Merrat looked at each other for a few moments.
‘We should take it,’ said Grafyrre. ‘I didn’t like the look of the ledge further on and it comes right round into the gale. Anything climbable that way is going to be extremely difficult.’
‘All right,’ said Auum. ‘Let’s go and relay the good news. We’ll try and solve the pack issue when we get there.’
‘Who did you mean when you talked about “larger individuals”?’ asked Ulysan while they were waiting for Rith’s team to create a door for them to enter the dome.
Merrat threw an arm around his shoulders and patted his barrel chest.
‘No one, old friend, no one in particular.’
The weather had deteriorated enough for Auum to abandon all thoughts of moving up the fissure in the mountain that day. It was a popular decision, not just because of the battering winds and snow so thick visibility was zero, but because another night meant more rest, more healing and greater strength for the day ahead.
They set off at first light the following morning. The wind had lessened slightly though the snow was still dense and cloying. The whole party had moved to the face Hohan had tried to climb the day before, and while small groups were led forward to the ledge to climb, the rest were able to enjoy another Il-Aryn shelter, though this time not heated by Julatsan elves.
TaiGethen moved above and below the inexperienced climbers, using themselves as footrests, halting any slides and heaving up those not strong enough to brace themselves against the walls of the fissure all the way up. The narrows caused brief anxiety, but only Stein had struggled with the width so far. Most of the packs had made it up with just a few snags and tears, although some were lost. It was a small price to pay for good progress.
So it was that Auum and Ulysan along with Oryaal, Evunn, Duele and, inevitably, Tilman reached the climb with their group of seven Il-Aryn. While Ulysan explained the method and Oryaal demonstrated the route with an effortless grace the adepts would not be able to replicate, Auum stared upwards. Grafyrre had estimated seven hundred feet and it was at least that long a climb.
Auum chewed his lip, looking up at the narrowing of the walls about two thirds of the way up, while the wind whistled into the fissure and the snow bunched at his feet before being blown away, some spiralling in an updraught like ash from a fire.
Tilman proved himself a lithe climber despite his ankle, and he went up with Evunn to show the path while the Il-Aryn followed at their own pace, Duele and Oryaal behind them. The ascent was steady and without panic, and the knowledge that shelter and a hot meal waited at the top gave energy to aching muscles.
Ulysan and Auum waited at the bottom, meaning to have a race once the way was clear, but Auum could see the big TaiGethen was eyeing the ascent without his usual all-conquering confidence.
‘You all right?’ he asked.
Ulysan smiled. ‘It’s narrow.’
‘You’ll be fine. Just hold your breath and keep crawling.’
‘You know what I’m talking about.’
‘Despite what I may often say, your head isn’t that big.’
Ulysan was breathing a little too fast but he still laughed.
‘Let me do the jokes,’ he said.
‘Just as soon as we’re at the top. Come on, let’s get moving. Never mind the race. This wait isn’t doing you any favours.’
They climbed side by side, scaling the first section with ease. Auum felt invigorated, testing himself against the mountain. Across from him Ulysan kept on glancing up and, as they approached the narrows, he began to sweat despite the cold.
‘Keep it going, Ulysan,’ said Auum. ‘Plenty of room for your ego yet.’
Ulysan was gasping. They were forced to turn ninety degrees, their backs to one wall, hands and feet on the other, pushing up. Auum could see, far above, the last of the Il-Aryn and TaiGethen scrambling over the top and away. Faces rimmed the opening and Auum waved they were all right.
Only they weren’t. The narrowing fissure forced them into an ever more upright position, never too much to prevent them from pushing and pulling their way up but tight on the torso.
‘You’re doing just fine,’ said Auum.
Ulysan swallowed. He moved another foot or two up and his left ear brushed a tiny outcrop in the otherwise smooth wall. He overcompensated and his right ear brushed the other side. He froze.
‘Auum!’ he said, the fear alive in his voice.
‘Just rest your head back to the left. There’s room, I promise you there’s room.’
Ulysan’s head was an unusual shape and his ears stuck out a little, but Auum couldn’t see anywhere he risked getting caught though he would get a few scrapes along the way. The big TaiGethen nodded and reached up again, leaning his head as Auum had said. He braced his feet and pushed, inching up.
Right above them the walls angled slightly to the right and closed fractionally, taking the incline off the vertical, but only by a few degrees. Auum moved into the turn, feeling the rock above his head and angling his body to give him the position to drag his legs through.
‘Just follow me and do what I do,’ said Auum. ‘You’ll be fine. It’s tight but not too tight.’
Ulysan inched up and his head touched the angle in the rock, forcing him to tilt his neck. He gasped and stopped, rocking his head from side to side to convince himself there was room.
‘You’re nearly there. You need to push up, get your shoulders across the angle and you’ll have all the space you can dream of.’
Ulysan reached forward, pulled and jerked his legs down to push himself up but didn’t bend his torso to ease over the angle. His head struck the rock face above him and his shoulders jammed against the walls as he tried to turn his whole body to give his head more space to twist.
‘No.’ It was little more than a whimper. ‘No.’
‘You’re all right, Ulysan,’ said Auum.
‘I’m not,’ he said, gasping in shallow breaths. ‘I’m stuck. I’m stuck! Please, Auum, I’m stuck!’
‘You’re not stuck. You just need to back up about a foot and reorient yourself.’
‘I can’t go back. Please don’t make me go back.’ Ulysan was starting to panic. His hands were scrabbling so hard he was drawing blood, and his feet worked at the wall, moving him nowhere. ‘I can’t move. Please, I can’t-’
‘Ulysan, take a single deep breath. . concentrate on the air flowing in and out, good and slow.’
‘I can’t!’ wailed Ulysan. ‘No room for my chest. It’s stuck fast. I can’t breathe, Auum, I can’t!’
Auum was in the wrong place to help. He was a body length ahead and facing up, only able to see Ulysan if he twisted his head down to look past his shoulder. He moved up as fast as he could, looking for the space and angles to turn around.
‘Don’t leave me!’ screamed Ulysan. ‘Please! Don’t leave me here alone in the darkness.’
Auum edged his body around, feeling his back catch on the wall and his left ear scrape painfully against a sharp ridge. Ulysan was still screaming. Auum heaved himself about, feeling the pressure across his body as he faced vertically down. He jammed his feet, pressed his back up as hard as he could and inched across and back down towards his oldest friend.
Ulysan was still scrabbling when Auum laid his hands on the suffering TaiGethen’s and stilled them.
‘I’m here,’ he said quietly and as calmly as he could. ‘You’re not alone.’
‘Ellarn?’ asked Ulysan, managing to turn his head just enough to meet Auum’s gaze.
‘No, Ulysan, it’s Auum. Come back to me, Ulysan. Ellarn went a long time ago.’
‘It’s going to be just like before,’ said Ulysan. ‘Trapped in the dark, no one to hear me.’
‘I heard you, Ulysan,’ said Auum. ‘Can you hear me?’
‘I can hear you. Where are you?’
‘I’m right in front of you, old friend. Do one thing for me. Breathe slow, breathe deep.’
‘That’s two things,’ said Ulysan, and relief flushed through Auum; at least something was left to work with. ‘Auum, are you there?’
‘I’m here, Ulysan. I’ve got your hands. Did you breathe?’
‘I did. I think I did.’
‘Good, Ulysan. You’re not lost. You’re not in the dark.’
Ulysan stared at him. ‘It’s not dark?’
‘No. Come back to me. Remember where you are. Do you remember?’
‘I’m stuck. . I’m stuck in a crack and I can’t move. Auum, help me!’
Ulysan’s fingers began to scrabble again and Auum tightened his grip.
‘Feel that, Ulysan. That’s me. I’m here with you. Yniss is here with you. You are in a crack but you aren’t stuck. I want you to listen to my voice and do what I ask. Can you do that for me?’
‘I can try.’
‘That’s all anyone can ever ask.’
‘Auum? Is Ellarn dead?’
‘Yes, Ulysan. Ellarn is dead and safe in Shorth’s embrace.’
Ulysan wept, his cheek against the rock face and his tears frosting on his cheeks.
‘But you aren’t, Ulysan. And I am going to help you get out of here. You trust me, don’t you?’
Ulysan tried to nod but it was little more than a twitch of his neck. ‘I’m cold. It’s cold in here.’
‘Then let me help you. Warmth and food are close by, but you have to trust me and do as I ask.’
‘Don’t let me die in here.’
Auum felt shivers course up and down his body. Ulysan’s quiet words tore into his soul and he had to force himself to focus on the practical or he’d be weeping too and they’d both be lost.
‘I am not going to let you die. I will never let you die. Shall we get out of here?’
‘Yes.’
It was a whisper of quiet affirmation, almost lost in the whistle of the wind, but it was all Auum needed to hear.
‘Good, Ulysan, good. Now listen closely and we’ll be warm in no time. The first thing you have to do is push yourself back to free your chest and shoulders. Just a very little, just very gently. You can do it and I’ll be watching.’
‘I’ll fall,’ said Ulysan.
‘No, you won’t,’ said Auum. ‘Brace with your back and legs and slide ever so slowly, just a little. I can tell you when to stop if you like.’
‘I can’t.’
‘You are Ulysan. You can do anything.’
‘I couldn’t save Ellarn.’
Tears sprang into Auum’s eyes. After so long Ulysan’s pain had not died; the guilt remained, waiting to rise and bite him when he was at his most vulnerable.
‘Nothing could have saved Ellarn. It wasn’t your fault.’
‘He was so close and I couldn’t reach him.’
‘I know. And I know you loved him and you will always miss him. Keep him in your heart and know he is safe. We will pray for him when we reach the top. But right now you have to move back for me, just a little bit, Ulysan. I’ll keep hold of your hands, and when I squeeze, you can stop.’
Ulysan was quiet for a time and his body calmed. His breathing became a little more regular.
‘Don’t let me fall.’
‘Never, my brother, never.’
Ulysan relaxed and his body slipped too fast. His back came away from the wall and his feet slithered on the rock. His hands jerked from Auum’s grip. He screamed like a child. Auum let himself slide. He was slimmer and quicker than Ulysan, who was scrabbling to stop himself again. Auum grabbed his hands as his body angled back over the vertical.
Auum roared with pain as he jammed his feet hard, one up one down, against the walls of the fissure and pressed his back as hard as he could into the rock surface. Ulysan’s weight carried them both on. Auum pushed harder, feeling his jacket snag and tear. He ground to halt with his arms and head over the drop, hanging on to Ulysan, who was dangling in space.
‘Ulysan, stop swinging your legs!’
‘I’m going to fall!’ he cried. ‘Don’t let me fall.’
‘I’ve got you,’ said Auum. ‘But you must stop moving. I’ve got you. Ulysan, look at me. Look at me!’
Auum had him, but he couldn’t say for how long. His feet were dragging by fractions and he couldn’t keep the pressure of his back on the wall for long with Ulysan’s weight on his arms and shoulders. Ulysan was gasping in shallow breaths, still trying to get his feet on to the wall. But he’d forgotten everything he’d ever learned about climbing and all he did was weaken Auum’s grip.
‘Ulysan! I am your Arch and your friend. Look at me, see my eyes.’
Ulysan looked up, and Auum saw all the pain of his memories etched on his face. Tears had streaked the dust on his cheeks and his eyes were wide and terrified.
‘It’ll be just like before only it’ll be me this time.’ Ulysan wailed a cry that echoed up and down the fissure. ‘It’ll be me!’
‘No, it won’t, because I’ve got you. Ulysan, keep looking at me. Tell me what happened before. Did you die?’
‘No,’ said Ulysan, and a flicker of hope entered his eyes. ‘I held on and I was saved.’
‘You held on and you were saved,’ said Auum, holding Ulysan’s gaze. ‘And you’re holding on now and you’ll be saved now too. Yniss is watching over us. He is saving you for greater tasks ahead.’
‘Like saving your sorry hide?’
‘Exactly that, and you can’t do that hanging there.’ Auum’s feet slipped a little more and Ulysan dropped an inch. He whimpered. ‘And now it’s time to put you right. Are you with me?’
‘I can’t get my feet right.’
‘That’s because you’re facing the wall. Turn your body out a quarter and brace a foot against each wall. I’ve still got you.’
‘Don’t let me go.’
‘If I do that, you won’t be able to save my sorry hide. You owe me.’
Ulysan actually smiled, and Auum thought they might get out of this alive. The big TaiGethen turned his body and Auum braced himself while Ulysan jammed his feet against the walls. The relief through Auum’s arms was more welcome than he would ever admit; he’d been closer to letting go than he thought.
‘You did it! You did it, Ulysan! You’re halfway there.’
Auum could see the control return to his friend’s body. Ulysan moved his legs to get better purchase and his arms moved reflexively.
‘Good, you’re ready,’ said Auum. ‘I’m going to let your left arm go, and you’re going to get it on the wall above your left leg. Can you do that?’
‘Yes,’ said Ulysan.
‘All right then,’ said Auum. ‘I’m releasing my grip in three, two, one, now.’
Ulysan’s hand slapped against the rock and he pressed his palm in hard. He jerked on his right hand and Auum placed it against the rock and let go. Ulysan steadied and looked up, down at his body and the drop below, and up at Auum.
‘I did it,’ he breathed.
‘Yes, you did. You can do anything; you’re Ulysan. And now I want you to follow me into the angle and do exactly as I say when I say it. Can you do that?’
Ulysan looked up at the tightening of the walls and the slight angle to the new incline. He swallowed hard.
‘Don’t let me get stuck in there.’
‘Follow me.’ Auum began to inch backwards, watching Ulysan all the way. ‘The wall is angling above your head. The moment you feel it touch, tip your head away and bend at the waist. . now. That’s it. Pause there.’
Ulysan was gasping again, his hands groping for the next grip point but his legs rock steady.
‘You’re doing fine, Ulysan. You’re almost there. Now, move your legs up, keep your body where it is and push very gently. Reach your arms ahead and try to flatten out.’
Auum watched Ulysan come forward inch by grinding inch. His body was tight in the crack and his head rubbed the walls, his ears bending over closed.
‘It’s so close,’ said Ulysan, a note of panic entering his voice again. ‘It’s getting tighter. I’m sticking, Auum.’
‘No, you aren’t, you’re still moving. Keep coming, Ulysan. Slowly. Smooth movement, that’s it. Now pull with your hands and brace your back up. That’s it, you’ve got it. Your legs are coming round. I can see them.’
Auum crabbed a little further back, aware of his own precarious position. Above him the fissure widened again. He needed to turn before he lost the pressure of the wall on his back. Ulysan inched on. Auum could see the fear on his face, the tautness of his skin and the desperation in his eyes.
‘Just a little more. . Ulysan.’
‘What?’
‘You’re in. Yniss preserve you, you’re in! You’ve done it! Now come on, keep moving just like you are and come up where I am.’
‘Auum.’
‘What?’
‘You’re facing the wrong way. That’s a poor way to start a race.’
‘What?’
Ulysan’s desire to get away from the seat of his terror gave him strength and pace on the climb that Auum could only wonder at. By the time he’d turned himself the right way, Ulysan was past him and up into the wider final section of the fissure. Auum tried to close the gap, but Ulysan was practically climbing hand over hand, his legs propelling him upwards at a reckless pace.
Auum was only too happy to let him have his head. He climbed in Ulysan’s wake, feeling the ache in his muscles and the emotional fatigue draining his strength. But his relief kept him moving. He saw Ulysan crawl over the lip of the fissure and stand, looking back down, shooing away the figures that came to his side.
Auum moved up the last few feet. Hands clamped over his wrists and hauled him bodily out of the fissure and onto a freezing cold, wind-blown and snow-covered plateau. He thought there might have been a cheer, but Ulysan’s embrace eclipsed it. The big TaiGethen crushed him in his arms and against his chest. His breath heaved in and sobs shook his body.
‘Thank you. Dear Yniss, thank you for Auum. Thank you.’
‘It’s all right, Ulysan,’ said Auum. ‘You’re safe now.’
‘Safe,’ said Ulysan, and the word must have sounded like blessed peace because the strength went from his legs and Auum let them both sink to the ground, still locked together. ‘Safe.’
Auum didn’t register for how long, but there they stayed until hands and gentle voices ushered them into the warm.
There was no desire to move further that day. They rested in the sanctuary that magic provided. Ulysan slept for the most part, and Auum watched him in case the nightmares took him. With night falling and the TaiGethen scouts returned from the ice shelf Merrat and Grafyrre had found the day before, their course was set for the morning. Stein sat down next to Auum, bringing two cups of hot broth.
‘How’s he doing?’
Auum’s smile was fragile, his lips trembling despite his best efforts.
‘I don’t know,’ he said, putting a hand on Ulysan’s shoulder.
‘He’s your best climber,’ said Stein. ‘You don’t have to tell me, but what happened in there?’
‘We all have our demons,’ said Auum.
Stein held up his hands. ‘Then there’s you too. You were down there with him the whole time and yet you’re trying to pretend you aren’t affected. Talk to me, Auum, let it out. The tension is radiating from you.’
Auum thought for a moment, wondering if what he wanted to say — and to a human of all people — represented betrayal.
‘You will never repeat what I am going to tell you,’ said Auum.
‘I am your brother. I will never betray you.’
‘We’ll make an elf out of you yet,’ said Auum. He paused to gather his thoughts. ‘Ulysan was young when it happened. It was back on Hausolis, the old elven homeland. A freak set of circumstances. . He was exploring a cave system when there was a rockfall that trapped him and Ellarn. There had been heavy rainfall too, and while they were trapped another storm struck the hills. Water poured down the tunnel they were in. It was powerful enough to loosen all the earth and rock that had trapped them. They were washed back down towards the sinkhole they’d climbed. Ulysan managed to grip on to a root and stop himself going over the edge but Ellarn was swept down. His body was never found.’
‘Who was Ellarn?’ Stein had to clear his throat to speak.
‘He was Ulysan’s younger brother. Ulysan was teaching him how to climb.’
‘How did he get out?’
‘I can’t imagine the suffering he went through,’ said Auum, wiping his eyes. ‘Clinging on for hours in the dark, calling out for Ellarn but only hearing his own voice echoing back his grief. He was rescued when it was plain he and Ellarn were long overdue and in trouble.’
‘Who rescued him?’
‘He doesn’t know,’ said Auum. ‘One day he’ll remember.’
‘How long ago was this?’
Auum blew out his cheeks. ‘More than three thousand years.’
Stein gasped. ‘It all came back when he thought he’d got stuck in the fissure? Such a long time to hold on to such pain.’
‘Immortality has its curses.’