Awakening

14. Old Wounds

Beltane, 1996

We are in Vienna, where I have found work tutoring college students in English. Evenings, Fiona and I walk along the Danude or in the Stefansplatz. She had gained some much needed weight and is looking better. The other night we even went on the Ferris wheel in the Volksprater. But the amusement park made us think of the children. Have Beck and Shelagh ever taken them to such a place?

Giomanach is now thirteen. Linden almost twelve, and Alwyn, nine. I wonder when they look like.

— Maghach

At dinner Mom reported that so far there had been no new incidents at Aunt Eileen and Paula's house. "They're hoping that those creeps saw the police show up at the house and have backed off."

"I hope so," I said. I reminded myself to get to Practical Magick for those ingredients soon.

Mom dished out some goulash and handed me the plate. "Will you be able to finish inputting our real estate listings this week?" she asked.

"I'm getting Das Boot back tomorrow afternoon," I said. "So I can stop by your office around three-thirty, after I drop Mary K. at home."

"I forgot to tell you. I'm not coming straight home tomorrow after school," said Mary K. "I'm going shopping with Olivia and Darcy."

Shopping. I wasn't ordinarily a big fan of shopping, but suddenly I felt a sharp pang of envy. How long had it been since I'd gone shopping with my friends or just hung out after school, doing nothing in particular?

Since you and Bree stopped being friends, I answered myself.

After dinner I went upstairs and tried to do my math homework, but my brain was too overloaded with thoughts of Hunter, Cal, David. I sighed. With its connection to the harmony of nature, Wicca was about balance, something I sorely needed. I had to bring balance back into my life, and the only way I could think of doing that was with a healthy dose of non-Wicca normalcy.

Surprising myself, I opened my door and padded out into the hall, where I picked up the phone. I took it back into my room and perched cross-legged on my bed.

My heart pounded as I dialed Bree's number. It had been so long since I'd done this. Would she want to talk to me?

Bree picked up on the third ring. "Hi, it's Morgan," I said quickly, before my nerve failed me.

"Hi." She sounded uneasy. "What's up?"

"Um—" I hadn't thought this through. "Not a whole lot. I just. . you know, wanted to say hi. Catch up."

"Oh. Well, hi," she said.

Then we had one of those long, awkward silences, and I wondered if maybe it was crazy of me to have called her. Maybe she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Maybe there was just too much water under the bridge.

I was about to mumble that I had to go when she spoke. "Morgan." She hesitated. "Some of things I did to you—I know they really hurt. I can't undo them. But I'm really sorry. I was a complete bitch."

"I–I was, too," I admitted.

Another silence. Clearly neither one of us wanted to go into the details. It was still too raw to bring all that up again.

"So," she said, "what's been happening in your life? Robbie told me—well, he told me about your being adopted. About being a blood witch."

"He did?" I tried to decide how I felt about Bree and Robbie discussing my personal life.

"Yeah. I've been wanting to talk to you about it. If you want to," she said.

"I've been wanting to talk to you about it, too," I confessed. "But when we're face-to-face. Not on the phone."

"Okay," she said. "I'd like that."

"Meanwhile Hunter's got me in a Wicca study intensive," I told her. "You know, he's taken over the leadership of Cirrus now that. ." I trailed off. Now that Cal's gone, I thought. Quickly changing the subject, I asked, "How's Kithic? How is it having Sky lead a coven?"

"Challenging," Bree said in a thoughtful tone. "We've been doing visualization exercises. At our last circle we were outside under the moon, and Sky told us to visualize a pentagram. At first everyone was distracted by the cold and the noise of cars going by. Finally, though, we got it together. We all closed our eyes, visualizing away, and there was this moment of absolute silence, then Sky told us to open our eyes, and there was this perfect pentagram, etched in the snow. It was amazing."

"Cool," I said enviously. It sounded like her coven was really growing. I leaned back against my pillows.

Bree's voice went conspiratorial. "Sky and Raven are flirting, I think. Isn't that wild?"

"Very wild." It was so easy to fall back into gossiping with Bree again. "I never figured Raven would turn out to be gay."

"I don't think she really is. I think she just really likes Sky. It's an attraction of opposites," Bree said with a laugh. There was another pause, but this time it didn't feel awkward. It was just—natural.

"Speaking of attractions," I ventured, "how's your love life?"

"Robbie." I heard a guarded note in her voice.

"Yeah," I said, hoping I hadn't shattered our new, fragile bond.

But Bree just sighed. "Well, it's—it's kind of weird," she said slowly. "I don't know. . we've been buddies forever, and now all of a sudden we're making out. I guess I'm just sort of taking it as it comes and seeing what happens." She gave a little laugh. "I have to say, though, we really click physically. It's very hot."

"Wow." I felt voyeuristic but also fascinated. It was strange to hear these two people I'd known since childhood talk about each other in these new, romantic terms.

"Listen, I've got to go," Bree said. "I've got a history paper due tomorrow, and I'm still on page one."

"You'll crank it out," I told her. "You always do."

"Yeah, I do, don't I," she replied. "I'll talk to you later, okay? And—Morgan?"

"What?"

"Thanks for calling," she said softly. "I know it couldn't have been easy to do."

"You're welcome," I said.

We hung up, and I replaced the phone on the hall table. I was smiling as I went back into my room, feeling happier than I had for days.