For all the robots who question their programming.
THE LAST SASKATCHEWAN PIRATE
From a late twentieth-century ballad by The Arrogant Worms
I used to be a farmer and I made a living fine
I had a little stretch of land along the C.P. line
But times were hard, and though I tried, the money wasn’t there
And bankers came and took my land, and told me “fair is fair.”
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always no
“Hire you now?” they’d always laugh. “We just let twenty go!”
The government they promised me a measly little sum
But I’ve got too much pride to end up just another bum.
Then I thought, who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone,
I’m gonna be a pirate on the river Saskatchewan.
’Cause it’s a heave-ho, high-ho, coming down the Plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it’s a ho-hey, high-hey, farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores.
You’d think the local farmers would know that I’m at large
But just the other day I saw an unsuspecting barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser
I rammed their ship and sank it, and I stole their fertilizer.
A bridge outside of Moose Jaw spans a mighty river
Farmers cross in so much fear their stomachs are a-quiver
’Cause they know that Tractor Jack is hiding in the bay,
I’ll jump the bridge and knock them cold and sail off with their hay.