At the Queen_s command

Chapter Forty-Nine

May 19, 1764

Temperance

Temperance Bay, Mystria

T o Owen's surprise, Bethany Frost slipped her arm through his as the six of them started the trip back to the Frost home. Bethany had slowed her pace so that her parents, uncle, and brother drew ahead of them. "You are completely lost in thought, Captain. What is it?"

"I don't think you want to know, Miss Frost."

"I should not have asked if I did not."

Owen sighed. "Would you think me a coward if I told you I feared returning to du Malphias' fortress?"

"No, Captain. I should think you very intelligent and brave, because I know you shall go regardless."

"You're very kind."

She looked up at him, her blue eyes flashing. "I read your journal. I know exactly how brave you are, both from what you wrote, and from what others have said."

He shook his head. "Mr. Woods exaggerated."

"Of course he did, but I could see the truth."

"When I think of du Malphias-and he invades my nightmares far too often-I see his face lit by the pistol backflash. He shot me cold-bloodedly. It wasn't that I was an enemy. I was just an experiment. If I lived or died, it meant nothing. The man's expression revealed neither anger nor pity. He showed no emotion whatsoever. He was wholly inhuman and I am not certain we know of a way to defeat such."

"He was arrogant, and his arrogance, then, will prove his downfall."

"I shall trust in your wisdom."

"Trust more in the humanity of your companions. He is a man surrounded by the dead. He is alone, and together you shall defeat him."

Bethany stopped at the crossroads of Diligence and Virtue to call out to her parents. "The night is pleasant. May Captain Strake escort me on an extended walk?"

Her father nodded his assent. Bethany directed him toward the west, along Virtue. "I hope you don't mind, Captain."

"Not at all."

"Good, because I need to speak with you." She looked up again, a kind smile on her face, but her eyes looking sad. "I fear this is the last I shall be able to walk with you."

Owen looked straight ahead. "I never meant to lead you on, Miss Frost."

She laughed. "You will do better, sir, to listen with your ears, rather than your mouth. You did not lead me on. You have been very direct, from the first, that you are married and you love your wife. I have known this from things you said about her, and things you have not said. I know you love her from things you wrote in your journals, and the letters you had me write for you during your convalescence."

"Miss Frost…"

"No, Captain, I beg you. Let me say my piece directly, or I shall never get through it."

"Very well."

She wet her lips with the tip of her tongue. "I am neither silly nor stupid. When you first came to stay with us, I knew you were different from the others. I enjoyed your company. I enjoyed seeing you argue with my brother and discuss with my father. I felt very much at ease around you. I had not known that sense since Ira had been taken from me. I thought certain I had made a fool of myself and I was pleased when you left with Nathaniel, as it gave me a chance to recover my dignity.

"And yet, while you were away, I found myself missing you. When a missive would arrive, my father would read it aloud, and I would take it and read it over to myself. More than once. Perhaps that was silly, but it gave me comfort."

Bethany's grip tightened on his arm. "And then when word came that you were lost, I felt the same pain I had at the news of Ira's death. It left me prostrate. I prayed for your safe return as I had for his-and told God that He had taken one from me, so He must deliver you to me. And yet, even as I did so, I remembered your wife. I remembered you belonged to her."

A hand rose to brush away a tear. "When you came back, God had answered my prayer. I made certain you would get well. That became my mission. For me, yes, but also because I knew your wife would feel as I did, and I would not have anyone know such grief. This is why I wrote those letters for you, why I reminded you to write her when your strength returned.

"But now she will be coming. I will lose you to her."

Owen's guts roiled. Bethany had been his angel during his captivity and during his recovery. The very fact that he feared her hating him more than his wife doing so had revealed the nature of his feelings for Bethany. Those feelings were wrong-he knew it, and her hatred would be just punishment. The pain in her voice lashed at his heart, for only by misleading her could they have reached this state of affairs.

He stopped and turned to face her. "Don't, Bethany, please. I…"

She pressed a finger to his lips. "You will tell me you have feelings for me, too. Of course you do. How could you not? I nursed you back to health. But you love your wife. She has your heart. I know that. I am content with that, with knowing I am your friend. But I shall have to be your friend at a distance."

"It does not have to be that way…" Owen stopped, not certain what he was saying. "I wish I had not done what I did."

"You did nothing, other than be yourself. And this is why I must put distance between us." She shook her head. "It will hurt, but to not do this will hurt more."

"Miss Frost…"

"No, Captain. You see, I know a woman who married a man she did not love because she thought her heart's desire was dead. She listened to rumors that were false. And even though those rumors had been spread by the man she married-spread because of his desire to win her heart-she is married nonetheless. Still, she yearns for her lover and sees him. And I see how it tears her apart when they cannot be together."

Owen clasped her hands to his chest. "There are so many things I wish to say that I cannot. You have been more of a friend to me than anyone I have ever known. You have treated me better than my family ever did. You tended me in a way that my wife never could have. You have made me welcome in Mystria. Miss Frost, were it not for you, I should board the next ship to Norisle and read of Rivendell's folly in a book."

"No, you would not."

"Yes, I would."

She lightly pushed him away. "You're lying. He will create disaster, and you want to be there to prevent it. As much as you might dread seeing du Malphias again, you dread more seeing him on the outskirts of Temperance."

Owen nodded. "You know me too well."

"And I am proud to know you. You are truly an amazing man." She slipped to his side, linked her arm through his, and steered him south again. "Due to you, Caleb is more reserved in his comments about Norillian soldiers. He's not been in a tavern scuffle since your return."

"Less his respect for me than his growing up." Owen glanced over at her. Moonlight gave her skin an alabaster tone, and let glisten the track of a tear. "You have changed the subject, however, and I must be given a chance to finish my thought."

"It does not matter, Captain, for I know what I must do, and nothing you can say will change that."

"It is not my intention to change it. I shall respect your wishes completely. Tomorrow I shall move out of your family's home. I will take apartments elsewhere. And I shall have to invite your parents to dine there. Catherine will want to entertain. She will want me to invite you as well."

"Captain, you do not understand women. She will tell you she wants me there, but she does not." Bethany's eyes tightened. "Were I to come, I should be made to feel the provincial cousin. She would be kind, while being cutting. She would be as Lilith Bumble is, but more gracious and subtle. No, you shall ask, and I shall be feeling ill. I will send my regrets, and at the thought of missing you, they shall be sincere."

"Catherine would not do that."

"It is no slight against your wife, Captain, just the reality of being a woman in love with a man such as yourself. She will show everyone that you are truly hers. That is her right as your wife. I truly am happy that you have someone."

They walked in silence, then turned west at Kindness. Thin clouds striped the sky, eclipsing stars, moving slowly. Crickets chirped and dogs barked here and there. From the upper floor of one house came soft singing of a lullaby, the words unintelligible, but the melody soothing.

Owen laid his hand on hers. "You mean that I shall never see you again."

"You will, at a distance. You will come to church, and I shall be there. In the crowd when you march off to destroy du Malphias, I will be there. You'll see me with my uncle and my brother. You'll see my hand in stitches sewn for uniforms. You will be able to find me, but I cannot find you."

"And if I wished to send you a letter?"

"Please, Captain, do not. I lost you once, then came you back. But now I cannot have you. Please do not make this more difficult." She looked up and smiled briefly. "You will have your wife, and you will go back to Norisle and forget me, almost completely. Perhaps when you see the scar on your side and notice the stitching, you'll remember, but memory of me will fade far sooner than that scar. No matter."

"You'll forget me as well."

"No." She shook her head, looking down. "Women do not forget the men… Do you remember the first girl you ever kissed?"

Owen thought for a moment, then nodded. "Her name was Jenny. Cook's daughter at Overton Park Academy."

"Very good. Do you remember the first kiss?"

His brow furrowed. "No. I mean, I can remember the circumstances, but…"

"You can reconstruct the circumstances, Captain, but you cannot remember the touch of her lips, can you?"

"No."

"I remember my first kiss. I recall the scent of clover and the warmth of the summer air. I remember butterflies in the field, and the hiss of grasses as a breeze sent waves through them. I remember him, Ira, taller than me, casting a shadow over me. The sun made a halo around his head. I remember him bending over and kissing me quickly, so no one would notice, though we were utterly alone. I remember my lips tingling and my stomach feeling as if a dozen butterflies had flown down my throat. I remember every detail, and this was before I ever knew I loved Ira.

"So, Captain Strake, you will come to forget me. You might be able to reconstruct me, but you will have no memory of me. Your wife, your family concerns, will bury me but, again, I do not mind. I shall remember you as tall and handsome, honorable and brave. And that will be quite enough for me."

They turned east on Generosity and headed back toward the Frost home. "Have you any idea how remarkable a woman you are, Miss Frost?"

"Remarkable rather than infuriating?"

Owen chuckled. "Remarkable will do. You have wisdom beyond your years."

"Not wisdom, truly, just the knowledge that life seldom unfolds as one wishes it would." She smiled up at him. "And that is not terribly cynical, just realistic. So many people grumble and complain, waiting for things to change instead of accepting them as they are, or working to change them. But changing things is very difficult, so only the brave attempt it."

Owen nodded. "Thank you."

"For?"

"For yet one more gift." His eyes narrowed. "If we are going to defeat du Malphias, the old way of doing things will not work. We will need to change. I will not allow Rivendell to resist change, but force him to address reality."

"It could cost you your career."

He shrugged. "And it will save men's lives. The risk is worth it."

"And that, my dear Captain Strake," she said as they stopped in the shadow of her parent's gate, "is why I love you."