Apocalypso

CHAPTER NINE
INQUISITION

“Can I trust you boys to behave?”

Todd and Ray warily nodded, squinting up at the bright blur of their interrogator. The light in their faces was blinding. Averting their eyes, they could see they were in a fancy public restroom with gold fixtures and black marble tile. Their butts ached from sitting on the hard, cold floor.

The man was wearing a peculiar helmet, a tall black tube with flat sides, crimped in back like a rudder fin, with a cross-shaped hole in front for him to see through. He asked, “What exactly are you two trying to do?”

“Join you,” Todd said. His tongue felt like a dead slug.

“Why is that?”

“We don’t want to end up like those blue freaks out there.”

“You say you came from a ship. What was the name of this ship?”

“It didn’t have a name. It was a decommissioned nuclear submarine.”

“Who else was on this submarine?”

“A lot of people. You want a list?”

“Was the Demon Lulu on the submarine with you?”

“Lulu? You mean Lulu Pangloss? What about her?”

“You know her!”

“We did. Until she became a Xombie.”

“You are minions of the Blue Fury! Admit it!”

“Sir, the last we heard of Lulu was that she was going ashore. We never saw her after that.”

“Liar! You are spies of hers! Why else would you have come ashore?”

“We were short of supplies, so the crew sent us out for more.”

“Weren’t you worried about Hellions?”

“Hellions?”

“Xombies. Exes. Maenads.”

“We couldn’t see any from the boat. We thought the coast was clear. We were wrong.”

“Why would you assume the coast was clear?”

“We were desperate.”

“Or was it that your Mistress sent you to infiltrate and undermine our holy mission?”

Ray said, “That would be so cool. But no.”

“Liar! You are agents of evil, slaves and supplicants of the Shevil!”

“The what?“

“The She-Devil!”

Todd said, “That’s bullshit, man, bullshit. For one thing, Lulu was just a messed-up chick, not some kind of… Shevil. For another, we had no idea you even existed, or we would have tried to contact you. Why else would we have been desperate enough to go ashore? We had no weapons, nothing. We saw almost forty of our friends get killed, either by Xombies or by Reapers, so you can go fuck yourself!”

“Todd,” Ray hinted through his teeth.

“I’m cool, I’m cool.”

At Todd’s outburst, their interrogator mellowed his tone. “Perhaps you are telling the truth. Or perhaps not-we will see. I just have a few more questions, and I suggest you answer truthfully because you will be judged. Not by me, but by the Lord Adam, Blessings Be Upon Him.”

“My bad. Go ahead.”

“Do you repent your sins?”

“Definitely!”

“Have you rejoiced in the company of homosexuals?”

“What?”

“I assume you are repenting being Sodomites and sexual deviants?”

“That’s not really-”

“There’s no need to lie. We have signed affidavits testifying to your perversions at Thule.”

“Thule! Are you kidding? We were prisoners of those motherfuckers!”

“That’s immaterial,” the man said mildly. “Are you sexually attracted to each other?”

“No!”

“So you are free of sin?”

“No-just not that one.”

“Are you prepared to take a vow of chastity from this day forth?”

Sensing closure, both boys jumped at it. “Hell yeah.”

“Do you love America?”

“Of course.”

“Are you true patriots? Would you die for your country?”

“Yeah… probably.”

“Then why aren’t you dead, like so many other patriots?”

“Why aren’t you?”

“Because I have a sacred duty to perform. Answer the question!”

“Well… same here.”

“Which is better: the Prophet Jim or the Apostle Chace?”

“Uh, Jim?”

“Both are equal in the eyes of the Lord! Do you believe in the Resurrection of the Moguls?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“Are you prepared to swear loyalty to the Lord Adam, the Lord’s Prophet Jim, the Lord’s Apostle Chace, and all the Living Saints of the Adamites?”

“Uh-sure.”

“What is His purpose in revealing Himself at this time?”

“Who?”

“The Prophet Jim.”

“I… don’t know.”

“You haven’t witnessed His deeds?”

“I don’t think so… Have we, Ray?”

“No.”

“Are you prepared to swear undying allegiance to the Living God, that ye may serve Him as instruments of Miska’s final destruction? Are ye prepared to don the mantle of the Sons of Adam?”

“Sure.”

“And if any man among us should fall short, or betray the trust placed in him, or otherwise desecrate this sacred oath, do you swear to uphold the penalties for such conduct, even if those penalties be imposed upon you or your dearest loved ones?”

“What are the penalties?”

“Hard labor. Scourging of the flesh. Castration. Purification by fire. In that order.”

“Wow. And, just out of curiosity, what’s the alternative to joining?”

“Purification.”

“Right. I guess we’re in!”

“Then welcome, brothers! Welcome and rejoice!”

After the debriefing, Todd and Ray were released from their bonds but left locked in the windowless restroom. Many hours went by, perhaps days-they had no way of telling except by their increasingly ravenous hunger. They had ample water from the tap, but no food or privacy. They took turns sleeping on the hard tile floor.

By the time the door burst in, they had no strength left to resist. They didn’t want to. “What took you so long?” Ray asked, as a man hogtied him and put a bag over his head.

They were carried up a dead escalator to a deserted Italian restaurant on the next floor. When the door of the restaurant closed behind them, it suddenly became very quiet. Their captors sat them down and removed their hoods. Todd sneezed, and a man said, “God bless you.”

“Thanks,” he said.

The restaurant was cleaned out. It was just a large carpeted room with floor-to-ceiling tinted windows overlooking the street. Sepia daylight filtered in. The only furnishings were the banquet chairs on which they sat, and a small table between them.

On that table was a feast beyond their wildest imagining: a platter of cold cuts, pickled vegetables, crackers, dried fruit, and two cans of cold apple juice.

As they ravenously dug in, the door opened, and someone entered the room-a tall bald man with a limp. He was very grave and very pale, wearing steel-rimmed glasses and a dark robe. He looked like some kind of Orthodox priest. Then Ray had a second look and dropped his spoon.

“Uncle Jim?” he said. He clapped his mouth shut, thinking, Shut up, idiot!

“Uncle?” Todd said.

“More like a family friend.”

The man turned ominous, rearing up over Ray like Nosferatu.

“I know you,” he intoned.

Ray nodded, shrinking in his seat. “You’re not dead.”

“Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. What are you two doing here?”

Ray was speechless, so Todd intervened: “We came back here after you… left the ship. I’m Todd Holmes, sir. My father was your shop foreman-Larry Holmes?”

“I know Larry,” Sandoval said.

“He died, sir.” Todd almost said, Same as you.

Sandoval’s eyes flicked from Todd to Ray and back. “The submarine. Is it here?”

“No. It was, but it’s gone. It was attacked by these Reaper dudes and pulled out. We came ashore to forage for supplies, so we got stranded.”

“Alice Langhorne, was she on board?”

“Yes.”

“How is she?”

“We don’t know.”

“What about the rest of them? Lulu Pangloss?”

“Lulu’s a Xombie,” Ray said.

“A Xombie. How?”

Todd jumped in. “A bunch of people got turned into Xombies at Thule, but Dr. Langhorne figured out a way to keep them under control using Lulu’s blood.”

“I bet she did,” Sandoval said thoughtfully. “I just bet she did. What was that you said about Reapers?”

“They attacked the boat. We saw it all from India Point.”

“Saw what?”

“Uh-that’s a good question. Something really… weird… came out of the boat and got ’em. That’s why we didn’t try to get back aboard.”

“I see… ”

“What happens to us now?”

“You’ll be taken to Indoctrination,” the man said. “There’s a whole process for new disciples, you’ll see. Everybody has to go through it.”

“How long does it take?”

“Just a few days; it’s like a crash course.”

“A crash course in what?”

“Good citizenship.”