Angel Fire East

CHAPTER 12

It had been fifteen years since they had seen each other, but it might just as easily have been yesterday. Physically, they had changed, weathered and lined by the passing years and life's experiences, settled into midlife and aware of the steady approach of old age. But emotionally, they were frozen in time, locked in the same space they had occupied at the moment they had spoken last. Their feelings for each other ran so deep and their memories of the few days they had shared were so vivid and immediate that they were reclaimed instantly by what they had both thought lost forever.

"John?" Josie said his name softly, but the shock mirrored in her dark eyes was bright and painful.

She was older, but not enough so that it made more than a passing impression on him. Mostly, she was the way he remembered her. She still had that tanned, fresh look and that scattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. Her blond, tousled hair was cut shorter, but it accentuated her face, lending it a soft, cameo beauty.

Only the smile was missing, that dazzling, wondrous smile, but he had no reason to expect she would be inclined to share it now with him. When he met her, the attraction was instantaneous and electric. Even though he knew that a relationship with her would be disastrous, particularly one in which he fell in love, he let it happen anyway. For two days, he allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to have a normal life, to share himself with a woman he cared about, to pretend it might lead to something permanent. Together, they spent an evening in Sinnissippi Park at a picnic and dance. When he was attacked and beaten by men who believed him someone other than who he was, she took him home, washed him, bandaged him, soothed him, and gave herself to him. When he left her in the morning for a final confrontation with the demon who was Nest Freemark's father, walking away from her as she sat in her car looking after him, he had thought he would never see her again.

"Hello," she said, and he realized he hadn't said anything, but was simply standing there in the doorway, staring.

"Hello, Josie," he managed, his own voice sounding strange to him, forced and dry. "How are you?"

"Good." The shock in her eyes had eased, but she didn't seem to be having any better luck than he was with conversation. "I didn't know you were here."

"My coming was kind of unexpected."

He felt slow and awkward in her presence, aware of his ragged appearance in old jeans, plaid work shirt, and scuffed boots. His long hair, tied back from his face and still damp from his shower, was shot through with gray and had receded above his temples. He bore the scars from his battles with the minions of the Void across his sun-browned face and forearms, and the damage to his leg ached more often these days. He found Josie as fresh and youthful as ever, but believed that to her he must look old and used up.

He glanced down at the plate of cookies she was holding in her hands, seeing them for the first time.

Her eyes lowered. "I brought them for Nest. She always bakes cookies for everyone else, so I thought someone ought to bake some for her. Can I come in?"

"Of course," he said hurriedly, stepping back. "Guess my mind is somewhere else. Come in." He waited until she was inside and then closed the door. "Nest is out in the park, but she should be back in a few minutes."

They stared at each other in the shadowed entry, hearing the ticking of the grandfather clock and the low murmur of Bennett reading to Harper.

"You look tired, John," she said finally.

"You look wonderful."

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Josie flushed, then released that blinding smile, and he felt as if nothing on earth would ever be more welcome.

"That smile—now there's something I've thought about often," he admitted, shaking his head at what he was feeling inside, knowing already he shouldn't allow it, unable to help himself.

She held his gaze, the smile in place. "I've missed you, too. Isn't that remarkable?"

"It's been a long time," he said.

"Not so long that you felt the need to call or write?"

He gave her a rueful look. "I've never been much good at either. I tell myself to do it, but I just don't follow through. I don't really know what to say. It feels strange trying to put down what I'm thinking on paper or to say it into a phone. I don't know. Ask Nest. I haven't called or written her either."

The smile faded, and she shook her head slowly. "It's all right. I guess I never really thought you would." She handed him the plate of cookies. "Here, hold these for a moment, will you?"

She shrugged out of her coat and hung it on the coatrack, draping her scarf on top and shoving her gloves into the pockets. She brushed back her hair self-consciously, smoothed her blouse where it tucked into her pants, and took the cookies back.

"Pour me a glass of milk and I'll share," she offered, the smile back in place again.

They walked down the hall past the living room, and Bennett and Harper looked up. Little John, kneeling on the couch, never moved. Josie leaned around Ross to say hello and asked if anyone would like a snack. The women didn't seem to know each other, but neither made an effort to introduce herself, so Ross let the matter alone. He went into the kitchen with Josie, helped her with glasses of milk, then remained leaning against the counter looking off into the tree-shrouded distance while Josie carried a tray for Bennett and the children into the living room.

When she returned, he sat with her at the old wooden table, the cookies and milk between them. For a moment, no one spoke.

"Do you still have the coffee shop?" he asked finally.

"Yep. Mostly the same customers, too. Nothing changes." She arched one eyebrow. "You?"

"Traveling," he said. "Working odd jobs here and there, trying to make sense of my life. You know. How's your daughter?"

"Grown up, married, two kids. I'm a grandmother. Who would have thought?"

"Not me. I don't see you that way."

"Thanks. How long are you here for?"

He shook his head. "I don't know yet. Through Christmas, I guess. It depends."

She nodded slowly. "On them?" She indicated the living room with a nod of her head.

"Well, on the boy, at least."

She waited, watching him carefully. When he didn't say anything, she asked, "Who is he?"

He cleared his throat softly. "He's my son. I'm taking him to Chicago to see a specialist. He doesn't speak."

She went very still. "Is that your wife and daughter with him?"

"What?"

"The woman and the little girl?"

He blinked. "No. Why would you—No, she's barely twenty, and I don't..."

"You seemed a little awkward about introducing them," she said.

"Oh, well, maybe so." He shook his head. "I don't know them, is the problem. I just got here last night, and they were already here, and I don't know much more about them than you do."

She took a bite of cookie and a sip of milk, eyes shifting away. "Tell me about your son. Where is his mother?"

He shook his head again. "I don't know." He caught himself too late, the lie already spoken, and quickly added, "He's adopted. Single-parent adoption." His mind raced. "That's another reason I'm here. I'm not much good at this. I'm hoping Nest can help."

He was getting in deeper, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. He had never thought he would have to explain the gypsy morph to anyone except Nest, that he would slip in at night, tell her why he was there, then wait for something to develop, and slip out again. Instead, he found himself in a situation where he was forced to make things up almost faster than he could manage.

"What is it you think Nest can do?"

He stared at her wearily. "I don't know," he admitted, realizing he was saying the same thing over/and over, but this time speaking the truth. "I'm in over my head, and 1 don't know who else to turn to."

Her face softened instantly. "John, you can ask Nest for anything. You know that. If she can help you, she will." She paused. "I hope you know that you can ask me, as well."

He grinned ruefully. "It helps hearing you say it. I wasn't sure how things stood between us."

She nodded slowly. "They stand the way they have always stood. Can't you tell?"

The way she looked at him when she said it, he guessed maybe he could.

Deputy Sheriff Larry Spence pulled over at the Quik Stop and went inside to buy some gum. When he came out, hunching down into his heavy leather coat for warmth, taking note of the graying skies and gusting winds, he paused at the pay phone attached to the side of the building and dialed the number FBI Agent Robinson had given him. He still wasn't sure about this whole business, but he didn't want to take any chances with Nest.

He drummed his fingers on the metal phone shell while he waited for someone to pick up. He didn't much like Robinson or that woman agent, especially after their visit to his house. His kids didn't seem to like them much either. Neither had slept very well last night, and Billy had come awake half a dozen times screaming about knives. No, he didn't much like it. It seemed to him they might have found a better place to talk to him about John Ross. He'd thought about calling the bureau, checking up on the agents, but he was afraid it would make him look foolish to do so. Anyway, all they wanted to know was whether or not Ross was out there. Once he told them that, he was done with the matter.

Then, maybe, the buzzing in his ears would lessen and the headaches would go away and he wouldn't be spending all his time arguing within himself about what he should do.

The phone picked up on the other end, and a man said, "Yes?"

The buzzing stopped. "Agent Robinson?"

"Good afternoon, Deputy Sheriff Spence." Robinson's voice was smooth and reassuring. "What do you have for me?"

Spence looked off into the distance, unsure once more. Ross didn't seem like much of a threat to him. Hell, he could barely walk with that bum leg. Nest didn't seem all that taken with him either, not in the way Robinson had suggested she was. He was pretty old for her, more like a father. It just didn't feel right.

"Deputy?"

"Sorry, I was checking on something." He brushed his concerns aside, hearing whispers of derision and urgency that warned him of the dangers of equivocation. He was anxious to get this over with. "I was out at Nest Freemark's house just a little while ago. John Ross was there."

"Good work, Deputy. What did you tell them was the reason for your visit?"

"Oh, I made something up about checking on drug sales in the park, said it was a rumor we were investigating. I just asked if they'd seen anything, either of them." He flashed on the angry response he'd gotten from Nest when he'd pushed the matter with Ross, and decided not to say anything about that part.

There was a pause on the other end. "Did you notice anything unusual? Was Ross carrying anything?"

Spence frowned. "Like what?"

"I don't know, Deputy. I'm asking you."

Spence flushed at the rebuke. "He was carrying a walking stick. He's got a bad leg."

"Yes. Anything else?"

"Not that I could see." His breath clouded the air in front of him. The buzzing returned, working its way around inside of his head, making him crazy. He pushed hard at his temples. "I don't get it. What am I supposed to be looking for?"

Robinson's voice was iron sheathed in velvet. "You know better than to ask me that, Deputy. This is an ongoing investigation. I'm not at liberty to reveal everything just now."

The whispers burned their way past the buzzing, filling Larry Spence's head with sound and pain. Don't ask stupid questions! Don't go into places you don't belong! Do what you're told! Remember what's at stake!

Nest! Nest was at stake!

He pictured her in his mind, upset with him now, and it was all because of John Ross. He pressed at his temples anew and leaned into the shelter of the call box, suddenly angry and belligerent. It wasn't right, the way she protected him. What was he doing here, anyway? He was taking up all the space in her life, so that there was no room for anyone else.

Like me! She should be with me!

Just do as you're told, and everything will be all right, someone seemed to say. Then he heard Robinson add, "I'll be in touch."

He caught his breath. "But I thought that was all you wanted me to do," he said, and the line went dead.

Ross and Josie finished their cookies and milk, waiting on Nest's return. Josie talked about life in Hopewell, about working still at Josie's, about the people who came in and the way they were. Ross mostly listened, not having much he could tell her that wouldn't reveal things he wanted kept secret. He did say he had gone back to university a couple of times, audited some courses, taught a few classes. He talked a little of some of the places he had been. Josie listened and didn't press, taking what he would give her, giving him the space he required when he chose to back away.

"I'd better be going," she said finally. "You can tell Nest I dropped by."

She rose, and he stood with her, levering himself up with his staff. "You sure you don't want to wait?"

"I don't think so." She carried their glasses and the empty plate to the sink and began rinsing them. "Will I see you again before you leave?" she called over her shoulder.

The question startled him. "I don't know," he said automatically. Then he added, "I hope so."

She turned, her eyes meeting his. "Would you like to come to dinner tomorrow night?"

The back door opened and closed, and they both looked toward the hall. A moment later Nest appeared, rubbing her hands briskly. "Cold out there. Hi, Josie." She looked from one to the other. "Have I missed anything?"

"We were just visiting," Josie Jackson offered brightly. "I stopped by with some cookies, Nest. John was keeping me company." She hesitated only a moment. "I was just asking if he might like to come to dinner tomorrow night."

Nest never looked at John Ross. She walked over to the sink, picked up a cookie from the tray, and began munching on it. "Sounds like a good idea to me. Why don't you go, John?"

Ross felt himself transfixed by Josie's eyes. "You're all invited, of course," she added, her smile warm and encouraging.

"No, thanks anyway," Nest interjected quickly. "I have a Christmas party to attend. I was planning on taking Bennett and Harper with me. I'll just take Little John, too. There will be lots of other kids there."

She looked at Ross. "John, you go to Josie's."

Ross was thinking that he shouldn't do this. He wanted to, but it could only lead to the same sort of problem he had encountered with Josie Jackson fifteen years ago. It didn't make any sense to let history repeat itself when he knew he couldn't change it. Besides, it meant leaving the morph alone with Nest, which was dangerous for her. It meant taking a risk of the sort he should never even consider.

On the other hand, Nest Freemark seemed to be the gypsy morph's only hope. He had brought the morph to her in an effort to save it. He would have to give it up to her at some point, and time was running out. Maybe it would help if they could spend some time together without him.

"John?" Nest said quietly.

He was still looking at Josie, taking in her familiar features, her face and body, so much of it remembered so well after all these years. Everything about Josie was just right, a composite so perfectly formed that he couldn't imagine her being any other way. Being with her made him feel as if anything was possible and none of it mattered. Only her, and only now.

Fifteen years, and she still made him feel like this. A sweet ache filled him, then a small whisper of despair. No matter how she made him feel, it would end in the same way.

"I'd better take a rain check."

Josie stared at him without speaking for a moment. "All right, I understand." She started for the kitchen entry, her eyes lowered. "Bye, Nest."

She went down the hall, stopped to pull on her coat, scarf, and gloves, and went out the front door. Her car started up in the drive and pulled out onto Woodlawn.

Nest busied herself at the kitchen counter, putting away the rest of the cookies. When she looked at Ross again, her expression was neutral. "Sit down, and I'll tell you what happened in the park."

He did as she asked and listened patiently as she talked about her meeting with Two Bears. But his mind drifted like smoke on the wind.

Outside, it was beginning to snow.