An Apple for the Creature

Pirate Dave and the Captain’s Ghost TONI L. P. KELNER

Toni L. P. Kelner coedits urban fantasy anthologies with Charlaine Harris—including the one in your hands right now. She is also the author of the “Where are they now?” mysteries and the Laura Fleming mysteries. Kelner was awarded a Romantic Times Career Achievement Award for the Laura Fleming series, and an Agatha for Best Short Story. She’s also been nominated for the Anthony, the Macavity, and the Derringer awards. You can find more of her bragging on Facebook, on Twitter, and at www.tonilpkelner.com. “Pirate Dave and the Captain’s Ghost,” her contribution to this anthology, is the second short story featuring Joyce and her beau, Pirate Dave. “Pirate Dave’s Haunted Amusement Park” was published in the Harris/Kelner anthology Death’s Excellent Vacation.

“Hello?” I said into my phone. “Is that Pirate Dave, the hottest vampire to ever sail the seven seas?”

“Arrrr!” he growled in reply, which was a lot sexier than you might think. Or maybe growls are just more appealing to werewolves.

We indulged in a few moments of witty banter, then David said, “Not that I’m not delighted to hear your voice, Joyce, but I thought the full-moon run was tonight.”

“I went out for a while but the weather isn’t that great.” Before he could remember that the chance to run with other werewolves had been the part of the seminar I’d most been looking forward to, I said, “Have you looked over that list of ideas for the park?”

Our home and business was Pirate Dave’s Adventure Cove, an amusement park in Bartholomew Lake, New Hampshire. I adored the place, but it needed major updating to bring in more business. With the park closed for the winter, David and I had had plenty of time to discuss options. Unfortunately, those discussions could be awfully loud—fortunately, the makeup sex was worth it.

“I’m not docking the Brazen Mermaid,” he said flatly.

“Look at the numbers. When you add up insurance, maintenance, and operation costs, and compare that to how many guests actually ride—”

“How can we have a Pirate Dave without a Brazen Mermaid? It’s the park centerpiece. It’s on our logo!”

I sighed. “Fine. But check out my other ideas, okay?”

“I will. Tell me, how have you been getting along with the other wolves?”

“Good. Great. Making lots of friends. And today I found out how I became a werewolf.”

“Didn’t we already know that? You were bitten.”

“Yes, but it turns out that only people with were blood can Change after being bitten. Vanilla humans aren’t affected. Well, other than blood loss, scarring, and a newfound fear of canines, of course. But if the bitee has enough werewolf in the family tree, his or her body will try to Change at the next full moon.” I didn’t mention what happened if the person didn’t have enough were blood—the slideshow had been pretty gruesome.

“Then you have werewolf kin?”

“I guess so. I should find out where it came from.” My parents were dead, but there was a family Bible and other records.

David paused just long enough to be significant before asking, “Would finding your ancestry link you to a pack?”

“God, no! I’m still footloose and fancy-free.”

“Ahem.”

“From the werewolf perspective, that is. No pack affiliation.”

“And nobody has been bothering you about that?”

“No, they’re all on their best behavior. With representatives from so many packs, they kind of have to be. Anyway, I haven’t had a problem with a single wolf.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely. But I need to get going. There’s going to be a midnight buffet—”

“It’s only eight.”

“But sometimes they run out of food.” With werewolf metabolisms, especially when said werewolves had been on a run, that was definitely a possibility.

We exchanged mushy words, then I hung up with only the slightest twinge of guilt. I hadn’t exactly lied to David—the other werewolves really had started out friendly. It was the ghost of Captain Bob who didn’t like me, and it was only a matter of time before he found my cabin so he could haunt me some more.

The week had started out well, despite my initial qualms. Though I’d been a werewolf less than a year, I was already making waves in the Lupine-American community: I’d survived a bite, which was unusual; I’d refused to affiliate with a pack, which was unheard of; and I was living in glorious sin with a vampire, which was appalling. Given that, it hadn’t been easy to meet other werewolves.

And as much as I loved my red-hot, red-headed lover, I did occasionally want somebody else to talk to. Sure, I had human buds back in Boston, but there were so many things I couldn’t discuss with them that it was hard to keep a real relationship going. Plus I’d nearly starved when I tried to go out to brunch with some girlfriends—even at an all-you-can-eat place, they’d eaten next to nothing.

So when I got the letter inviting me to the Talbot Seminar, I didn’t hesitate. The annual weeklong event was sponsored by the Pack Council to help interpack relations and share what they called “wolfen wisdom,” so all packs were asked to send representatives. It had been decided that I was a pack of one, so I was representing myself. The politics didn’t interest me. What did was the chance to meet other werewolves, go on runs, eat without worrying about how my appetite looked to normals, and learn more about the supernatural world in which I’d found myself. Plus it was only a two-hour drive away, in Pine Tree, Vermont.

The venue was the Cahill Resort, an isolated, werewolf-owned operation. There was a big main building that held all the public spaces, and guest cabins nestled in the woods. The decor was big on logs and faux rustic accents. I had a cabin to myself, but didn’t plan to spend much time in it. I’d come to socialize. And at first, the seminar was everything I’d hoped it would be.

Sure, there was some curiosity from the other wolves, but it wasn’t overly rude. I didn’t mind talking about David, and when I pointed out the advantages of dating a man who’d spent centuries perfecting his techniques, some of the other wolves looked intrigued.

With that out of the way, we wolves compared notes, gossiped, and ate massive amounts openly. It was great. At least it was until the second day, when Dr. Angie Hogencamp took the stage in the auditorium.

Her program bio described her as a supernatural researcher, though I didn’t know if that meant she researched supernatural creatures, conducted research by supernatural means, or both. The first presentation was the aforementioned discussion on why some biting victims became werewolves and some didn’t, which was interesting, and the nasty slideshow didn’t stop us from enjoying a hefty mid-morning snack.

Then Dr. Hogencamp took the stage again for the second session. “We have a very special guest today. Captain Robert Antonelli, a former ferryboat captain from my hometown, is going to talk about his experiences.”

She stepped back from the podium and waved her hand, inviting the speaker to come forward. At first I thought the man had walked through an entrance in the back wall I hadn’t seen, but no, he’d walked through the wall. In fact, I could see the wall through him—he was translucent.

“Jesus,” I heard somebody behind me say. “It’s a ghost.”

I tried to look blasé, as if I encountered ghosts all the time, but the fact was I hadn’t even known there were ghosts. I was too new to the werewolf world to know which other supernatural denizens actually existed.

The ghost was tall, though hunched with age, with a weatherworn face and a bit of a potbelly. Though the nautical cap on his scraggly gray hair could have been from any age, his khakis and polo shirt were modern, so I guessed he hadn’t been dead that long.

“You can call me Captain Bob,” the ghost said, his voice surprisingly normal. He surveyed us as if looking over a particularly unimpressive batch of naval recruits. “The doc here invited me to come tell you what it means to be a dead man walking. Or floating.” He slowly lifted from the floor until the tips of his deck shoes were at the height of the microphone.

When he was satisfied he’d caused enough of a stir, he settled back down again on the floor of the platform and went on to describe his life after death, or maybe instead of death.

Ghostly abilities were pretty much as advertised: floating, walking through walls, making unearthly noises, appearing and disappearing. Some ghosts were big on haunting, ranging from being tied to a location but able to interact with people to just replaying a moment in time. Captain Bob seemed disdainful of what he called anchored spirits—he said he went wherever he wanted and could even appear however he wanted, as long as it was a look he’d had in life. He demonstrated by changing shirts and pants. On the other side of the spectrum, he seemed embarrassed to admit that he couldn’t affect the physical world the way some ghosts could—I had a hunch he would have enjoyed playing poltergeist-y tricks.

After he covered the basics, he invited questions, the first of which was from wolves afraid they were being secretly spied on by ghosts. Captain Bob leered a bit for form’s sake, but pointed out that werewolves could see ghosts and that there weren’t many free-range ghosts around.

Then came the question that caused me so much trouble. Shannon, a gal who liked the same TV shows that I did, said, “Can you tell us how you died?” I’d been wondering the same thing, but thought it might be impolite to ask—supernatural life has situations that aren’t discussed by Miss Manners.

Captain Bob said, “I’m happy to tell you—I want to put it out as a warning.”

The ghost’s appearance shifted, and instead of a normal see-through man, he looked like something out of a splatterpunk flick. His throat was so thoroughly savaged that his head was barely attached, and gore drenched his clothes. Only the lack of scent kept the auditorium full of werewolves from reacting to that much blood.

Captain Bob spoke, which just seemed wrong given the horrible damage. “This is how I looked just before I died. If you don’t remember anything else about this session, I want you to remember that this is what a vampire does to people.”

I froze, and I could tell most of the eyes in the auditorium were on me.

Being dead didn’t mean that Captain Bob couldn’t sense awkwardness, and when he looked at Dr. Hogencamp for an explanation, she whispered something in his ear. “For the love of God, what kind of woman would live with a vampire?” he demanded.

“That would be me,” I said.

The people to either side shrank away as Captain Bob wafted in my direction, his head bobbling along. I wouldn’t have expected werewolves to be so squeamish.

“Are you insane?” he asked.

“Is that a rhetorical question? Because if I were, I probably wouldn’t know it.”

“Then why are you living with a monster?”

“I’m a werewolf and you’re a ghost. It’s pretty much monster central casting around here.”

“There’s monsters, and then there’s monsters,” he said, as if that meant something. “How long do you think it’ll be before that bloodsucker does something like this to you?”

What was I supposed to say? A week from next Friday? “I’ve already been bitten almost that badly.”

“You see? Vampires are killers!”

“Oh, it wasn’t a vampire who bit me. It was a werewolf.” The wolves around me suddenly found other places to look, and in retrospect, I realized it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to bring up. It wasn’t as if the other werewolves didn’t know that I’d been mauled by a rogue, but they didn’t like to have their noses rubbed in the fact. It embarrassed them.

I don’t know what stupid thing I’d have said next if Dr. Hogencamp hadn’t come fluttering down the aisle. “Captain Bob, please come back to the platform.” She was waving her arms as if she could blow him in the direction she wanted him to go. He seemed completely unaffected, but did go with her, though not without turning to glower at me.

Unsurprisingly, there were no further questions, so we broke for lunch.

I didn’t enjoy my food. Nobody spoke to me while I was in the buffet line, even though I was right behind a woman I’d traded iPhone apps with over breakfast, and when I went looking for a table, every chair was suddenly filled or saved for somebody else.

Eventually I found an empty table, and sat to choke down my lunch. Had I been human, I probably would have lost my appetite, but shunned or not, I was still a werewolf. Nonetheless, I only toyed with my second dessert, and looked up happily when I noticed somebody was standing next to me. The pleasure didn’t last long. It was that damned ghost. At least he’d changed back to his non-gross form.

“Fattening yourself up for the vampire?” he asked.

“Who are you calling fat, tubby?”

He sucked in his gut or performed some sort of ectoplasmic trick to make it look as if he had. “I want to talk to you.”

Since nobody else was lining up to chat, I said, “Pull up a seat.”

He glared at me.

“Sorry.” I pulled a chair out for him, and he floated into it as if actually sitting.

“Listen,” he said, “maybe I came on too strong before, but you don’t know what you’re dealing with. Vampires are vicious killing machines.”

“And how many vampires have you met?”

“I’ve never met any, unless you count being murdered as a social event.”

“People get murdered every day, and nobody blames all humans. So is it too bizarre to accept that some vampires are nice?”

“How many vampires have you met?”

“Just one,” I admitted.

“And that makes you an expert?”

“I don’t claim to be, unlike some people.” I got up, and when Captain Bob followed me, I said, “What are you doing?”

“Sticking around until I can talk some sense into you.” He grinned. “Call it a haunting.”

The day could not get any better. “Do you mind if I go to the little werewolves’ room by myself?”

“Go ahead—I’ll wait.”

And he did. When I came out of the restroom, he followed me to the auditorium and sat down in the empty chair next to mine. Since nobody had taught exorcism, I knew of no way to get rid of a ghost and had to settle for ignoring him.

The afternoon session was a lot drier than the morning ones. Apparently Dr. Hogencamp and her late husband had researched all kinds of supernatural bloodlines, not just werewolves, and had investigated whether witches’ power was inherited and why some people became ghosts after death. Their conclusion was that supernaturals had something extra in their genetic makeup, which she referred to as the “arcane gene.”

She got more technical after that, talking recessives and dominants and trauma-induced phantomization, which apparently meant that a person who died horrifically had a better chance of becoming a ghost. After the first hour, I zoned out and started playing solitaire on my iPad. Only I couldn’t even enjoy that because Captain Bob kept pointing to cards to show me what I should play. Nor could I doze off because every time I shut my eyes, the ghost noisily cleared his throat, which both woke me up and left me wondering what he had in his throat to clear.

Finally the session ended, and we went to dinner. It was just a quick bite because it was the night of the full moon. Unlike in the movies, werewolves can Change anytime, and into any number of forms. I personally can’t manage anything that isn’t canine, but before I’d become lupine non grata, I’d heard a funny story about a kid who Changed into a reindeer. Technically, we don’t even have to Change on the full moon, except the first time. But it is traditional, so the seminar’s activities included a fun run through the resort’s extensive grounds.

After a cozy dinner alone with Captain Bob, I ducked into the bathroom, waited until the ghost was momentarily distracted, then snuck off to my cabin to Change. I usually run as a dog to avoid arousing fear, loathing, and wildlife control officers, but this time I went with a classic wolf. It’s good for all seasons, it’s slimming, and I’d be able to blend in with the other wolves.

That was the plan, anyway. Except that when I joined the wolves frolicking on the front lawn, it took about three minutes for the captain to figure out which wolf was me—I wasn’t sure if it was a ghostly talent or if another wolf squealed. Either way, as soon as he latched on to me, the other wolves found other places to be.

I ran into the forest as fast as I could, but Captain Bob had no problem keeping up, and when I ducked between trees and through underbrush, he went through it all as if it weren’t there. Or as if he weren’t there. Basically he sucked the fun out of the run, so after a frustrating hour, I decided it was time to give up.

Since the last thing I wanted was to lead him to my cabin, I doubled back twice and shifted forms three times to be reasonably sure I was safe. Once I was again among the two-legged and dressed I called David, and tried to convince both of us that I was having a good time.

After I hung up the phone, I tried to decide if I should go to bed and skip the buffet, go to the buffet and eat so much food that there wouldn’t be enough to go around, or just pack up and go home. I hadn’t made up my mind when there was a knock on the door. At first I was afraid it was Captain Bob, but I then remembered that he couldn’t touch anything and opened the door to find Dr. Hogencamp.

“Hi.”

“Joyce, isn’t it? I don’t know if you remember me from today’s presentations, but—”

“It’s not a session I’m likely to forget.”

“I suppose not. If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to you.”

“Sure, come on in.”

This was the closest I’d been to the woman. She had a sturdy build and tight gray curls, and she was wearing glasses, which was unusual for a werewolf. The Change cleaned up a lot of health issues, which is part of why we live so much longer than humans. Now that I noticed it, she didn’t smell like a werewolf, either.

“Dr. Hogencamp—”

“Call me Angie.”

“I’m probably being inexcusably rude, Angie, but I don’t know the proper way to ask this. What are you?”

“Just human.”

“Isn’t that against the rules?” One of the first things that had been impressed upon me when I was Changed was the importance of keeping the existence of werewolves secret. American society was still coming to terms with gays and lesbians—throwing werewolves into the mix would have been a bad idea.

“I’m in a unique position. My husband, Carl, and I were bitten by a rogue, just as you were, and the local pack found us and told us about werewolves and the other supernatural beings. But only Carl Changed. We didn’t understand why and that led us to discover the arcane gene. We found that Carl had an incomplete penetrant.”

“That sounds painful.”

“An incomplete penetrant of the arcane gene. He barely survived the Change.”

“What about you?”

“I don’t have the gene at all. Still, I can continue the research, even now that Carl has passed away.”

I wasn’t sure how long he’d been gone, so didn’t know if I should express sympathy or not, so I went with a noncommittal nod.

“I imagine you noticed that in my discussion of the arcane gene, I didn’t mention vampires.”

I hadn’t, actually—I’d been too busy wondering if I could use an electric fan to try to blow Captain Bob away.

“The fact is,” Angie said, “I don’t know much about vampires. Nobody does, except presumably other vampires.”

“You could ask Captain Bob. He seems to know it all.”

“I’m sorry about that. I had no idea he would take your living arrangements so personally.” She did look honestly embarrassed. “I consider your relationship with a vampire a valuable opportunity. I’ve studied werewolves, and have spent considerable time with witches and ghosts, but I’ve been unable to make any kind of connection with a vampire. I was wondering if you could tell me about your experiences.”

“I guess. What do you want to know?”

“I’m most interested in reproduction.”

“When a Mama vampire loves a Daddy vampire very much . . .”

Angie blinked.

“Just kidding,” I said. “I assume you mean how to create another vampire, not vampire sex.”

Again she blinked. Apparently she was also missing the sense of humor gene.

“Basically, the vampire drains the human almost to death before allowing the human to suck on him. His blood, that is. The human then dies, but after three days, rises as a baby vampire.”

“Very much according to legend,” Angie said. “Do you mind if I take notes?”

When I shook my head, she pulled paper and pen out of her shoulder bag and scribbled intently. “How does the vampire choose the human who will become his offspring?”

“I really couldn’t say. The relationship is pretty intense, like a marriage or a parent-child relationship. Even when they go their separate ways, there’s always a connection.”

“I assume the human has to have the arcane gene.”

“I don’t know. From what David has said, vampires can bring over anybody they choose. He thought it was odd that werewolves can’t.”

“But surely the gene is required,” Angie said, more to herself than to me. “What about the vampire’s nutritional needs? How often does he need to feed? How does he approach his food sources?”

That was the start of a supremely aggravating hour. Angie wanted to know how much David drank at a sitting, whether he preferred a given blood type, how long he slept, whether he was affected by silver, if garlic bothered him, if he could see himself in mirrors . . . All the old vampire tropes and a bunch that were just silly. Sparkles? Really?

The worst part was that I didn’t know half of what she wanted to know. David and I had never focused on our biological details, other than recreational ones.

Finally Angie shut her notebook, clearly not satisfied. “I really need to talk to a vampire myself. Could you ask your boyfriend if he’d meet with me? Do you two live nearby? I could go home with you after the seminar.”

“I’ll ask, but I can’t guarantee anything. He’s a private kind of guy.”

“This is for science!”

Since David predated most of what we knew about science, I really didn’t think that would be a compelling argument to use on him.

There was another knock on the door, and I jumped again. “Ghosts don’t knock, right?”

“Captain Bob can’t,” Angie assured me.

“Excellent.” I pulled open the door and there stood the best-looking man I’ve ever seen. Tall, incredibly well-built, piercing blue eyes, with gorgeous red hair pulled back in a short ponytail. In other words, it was Pirate Dave, and there was only one appropriate way to greet him.

“What in the hell are you doing here? I wasn’t even supposed to tell anybody where it is because it’s only for werewolves. And Captain Bob and Angie, but they’re invited! I am going to get in so much trouble.”

In response, he took me in his arms and made me forget the seminar for a good five minutes. A very good five minutes. We might have gone for half an hour if Angie hadn’t cleared her throat.

“Oh, sorry.” I waved David inside the cabin and said, “David, this is Dr. Angie Hogencamp. She’s been researching supernaturals, and spoke at the seminar early today. Angie, this is David Freeman, the owner of Pirate Dave’s Adventure Cove.”

“Dr. Hogencamp,” David said, bowing over her hand.

“I cannot tell you what a treat this is,” she said, blushing. “Joyce has been telling me all about you.”

He raised an eyebrow in my direction.

“She’s only interested in your genes,” I told him. “Not the pants, the genetic kind.”

“I have so many questions,” Angie said. “Do you suppose—”

“Another time, perhaps. I’m here to take Joyce home, and since we need to be back before dawn, we should leave right away.”

“Oh, you can’t leave now!”

“As Joyce pointed out, I wasn’t invited. Even if I had been, I wouldn’t stay at a gathering where she’d been made to feel unwelcome.”

“I never said I felt unwelcome,” I protested.

“You didn’t need to,” he replied.

Angie said, “I know there have been some problems, but please, let me talk to the Council. I’ll convince them to let you stay, and to make sure the other wolves mind their manners.”

“What about Captain Bob?” I asked.

“I’ll talk to him, too. I’ll fix everything. Please, don’t leave!” She nearly ran out of the cabin.

“Do you want to stay?” David asked me.

“I’m not sure. I really was having fun at first, but then Captain Bob showed up, and—”

“Who is Captain Bob?”

“That’s going to take some explaining.” I’d just finished when Angie showed up at the door again, beaming.

“It’s all arranged. The Council invites you to join them in the dining hall so they can introduce you as an honored guest.”

David lifted his eyebrow again, which meant it was up to me. I was torn between wanting to make a dramatic exit and wanting to make friends. Remembering the boring days I’d spent alone while David slept decided me. “We’d love to come.”

I took a few minutes to change into something nicer and fix my hair—a gal can’t show up in a ratty sweat suit when she’s accompanying a gorgeous pirate. Then David tucked my arm inside his, and let Angie lead us to the dining room.

I think it safe to say that we were the center of attention when we walked in the door. The Pack Council was waiting to greet David with the solemnity and nervousness I’d always imagined that government leaders feel around ambassadors from hostile countries.

Once introductions were made and hands were shaken, they invited the three of us to join them at the head table. David didn’t eat, of course, but he sipped some wine to be polite. Conversation started with small talk, then moved on to admiration for their respective kinds. It was all very civil, and nobody bit anybody else, and I was bored stiff.

So I ate. Being at the head table meant that we got a waiter instead of having to go through the buffet line, but I headed for the line anyway when the waiter was too slow with third helpings.

A group of my buddies from earlier hailed me on the way back, so I ended up at a table with them. It wasn’t quite as relaxed as it had been before, but they were trying. And Shannon caught me up on Project Runway, which I appreciated. When I suggested some of them might want to make a trip to the Adventure Cove the next summer, they looked enthusiastic even before I promised free passes.

The group in turn invited me to join them in the bar, but I decided to stick close to David. So I was enjoying a final dessert and checking email on my iPad when Captain Bob floated over. At least he looked normal, and not like an extra from The Walking Dead.

“I guess I should apologize,” he said.

“Don’t bother. You wouldn’t mean it, and I wouldn’t believe it.”

“Fair enough.” He looked toward where David was still schmoozing with the Council. “I can’t believe they’re allowing a vampire around civilized people.”

I wasn’t sure if either werewolves or ghosts really counted as civilized, but since my cheesecake was really good, I could be magnanimous. “It was Angie’s idea, not mine.”

“I know—if anybody but the doc had asked me to stop bothering you, I’d still be at it.”

I owed Angie a drink. To distract him from haunting, I asked, “How did you two meet anyway?”

“She and Carl were the first people to spot me after my death. They were in the cemetery looking for ghosts when I rose.”

“And you were the new ghost on the block?”

“I was the only ghost on the block. We’re rare—we have to have the arcane gene and either suffer a traumatic death or die with some sort of unfinished business. Weren’t you listening during the doc’s talk today?”

“Yeah, not so much.”

“Wasting time playing games,” he said in disgust.

“Hey, you were the one telling me which cards to put where.”

“Is it my fault that you couldn’t see moves that were right in front of you?”

“Did you ever consider playing your own game?”

“I would have if I could have.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” I didn’t want to feel bad for the old so-and-so, but I sort of did. How sad was it when a guy couldn’t even play solitaire? The other werewolves weren’t exactly eager to hang with him, so Angie and I seemed to be the only ones who talked to him. “Hey, how does Angie see you anyway? I thought you needed the arcane gene to see a ghost.”

“If that were true, why would there would be so many ghost stories? Any human can see me if in a receptive frame of mind.”

“Like at a séance?”

“Or in a house believed to be haunted, or late at night.”

“Or in a cemetery.”

“Exactly. Plus the doc got a witch to make her an amulet to help her see ghosts.”

I wondered if I could get an amulet to keep me from seeing ghosts. Then I had a thought. “Hey, Bob—”

“Captain Bob!”

“Captain Bob. You said you can appear in any of the forms you had in life, but how do you know what you looked like when you were dying? Were you attacked in front of a mirror or what?”

He squirmed a bit. “No, it was dark and I didn’t see anything. I don’t know how I can take that form without actually having seen it. The doc can’t figure it out, either.”

“I guess it’s no weirder than me being able to Change into any breed of dog. ‘There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.’”

“My name isn’t Horatio!” he said, but I was fairly sure he was kidding.

“So why do you look so old?” I asked.

“What do you mean? This is how I looked before I was killed.”

“I get that, and you look pretty good for a man your age. What were you, seventy-something?”

“Sixty-six,” he said, glaring.

“And you didn’t look a day over sixty,” I lied. “It’s just that if I could control my appearance, I’d go for something younger.”

I saw the wheels turning, and he started shifting outlines. The result was a lot more scenic. He was still tall, but no longer stooped. The potbelly was gone, and his barely-there gray fuzz had become a full head of dark brown hair. Without the wrinkles, I could tell that he had cheekbones to die for.

“Is that better?” he asked.

“Whoa! Captain Handsome!”

He looked absurdly pleased, but when he saw David and Angie coming toward us, switched back.

Angie was chattering away, and I could tell David was just managing to stay polite.

He said, “I will try to make time to answer more of your questions, but it’s time for Joyce and me to retire for the night.” He gave me a look that I had no trouble interpreting.

All thoughts of cheesecake fled, replaced by anticipation of beefcake, and we beat a hasty retreat to our cabin. It turned out that David had missed me as much as I’d missed him.

Afterward, we got David safely ensconced in the cabin’s closet. It was a good-sized one, and after I took my stuff out and found him a pillow and blanket, he said it was perfectly acceptable. He used a bit of rope I’d had in my car to tie the door shut from inside, just in case somebody got the bright idea to open it in the middle of the day.

Since everybody had been up late for the run and buffet, there were no sessions scheduled until the afternoon of the next day and I’d planned to sleep in. So I was still asleep when someone yelled my name. I jerked awake and sat straight up—luckily I was wearing an oversized Adventure Cove T-shirt that covered all the essentials, because Captain Bob was standing next to the bed.

“You’re a heavy sleeper,” he commented.

“You promised to stop haunting me.”

“This isn’t haunting. The doc sent me to invite you to breakfast.”

“Are you kidding?” I looked at the clock by the bed. “It’s eight o’clock.”

“Which is breakfast time.”

I wanted to blow Angie off, and I really wanted to blow him off, but I knew he wouldn’t leave until I agreed. Besides, breakfast sounded good.

“Fine. Just go away and I’ll get dressed.”

“I’ll wait for you outside.” He looked around the room. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

“None of your beeswax.”

“Cranky in the morning, aren’t you?”

I threw a pillow through him, and climbed out of bed to get showered and dressed.

When I joined Captain Bob outside, he led me away from the main building and said, “The dining room isn’t open yet, so the doc ordered breakfast in her cabin.” Angie’s cabin was the mirror image of mine, if you subtracted the vampire in the closet and added a boatload of food on the table.

“Good morning,” she said. “I hope this is enough to eat.”

“It’s a good start,” I said, my mouth watering from the tantalizing aroma of bacon and eggs.

“Then, help yourself. I’m not a big morning eater.” She wasn’t kidding. All she had on her plate was a piece of toast. “I hope you don’t mind me waking you so early, but I knew you’d be free. David has to sleep during the day, right?”

“He’s a real bear if he doesn’t get his full day’s rest.”

“Then he can get by on less sleep?” she asked eagerly, reaching for a notepad.

“Just a joke. When the sun comes up, he goes down, and doesn’t wake again until dark.”

“Fascinating. Another thing . . .”

I stifled a sigh, and dug into the food. At least it was fresh, even if the questions were stale. Angie asked me the exact same things as she had the day before, and I still didn’t have answers. Did she think I’d quizzed David the night before so as to be ready for her? It was so boring that I was yawning like crazy, and I could barely keep my eyes open wide enough to see the plate in front of me.

By the time I reached the obvious conclusion that I’d been drugged, it was too late to do anything about it except pass out.

I woke up in a cage. It wasn’t the first time that had happened, but this instance was considerably more frightening. I smelled death.

Superior sense of scent is part and parcel of being a werewolf, even when in human form, but it isn’t always a good thing. Somebody had died in that cage, maybe several somebodies. I smelled werewolf, and human, and beings I couldn’t identify. It was all I could do to keep from whimpering.

Okay, I lied. I whimpered.

The cage was enough to make any werewolf whimper. It was bare of furniture or comfort and the mesh of which it was built was woven so tightly that no dog on earth would be small enough to escape.

The room in which it stood was just as bleak. The walls and floor were bare concrete, and there were tables and shelves covered with medical and chemistry equipment, a computer, a bookshelf of serious-looking tomes, and a refrigerator. Add it all together and you got a low-rent animal research facility, but the only lab rat was me.

A few minutes later, in walked Angie.

“Oh good, you’re awake. I knew that drug would work on werewolves, of course, but I had to estimate your weight so I wasn’t sure how long you’d be out.”

“And you drugged me why?”

“To get you here, of course.” She got a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, put it into a contraption on the side of the cage, and pulled a lever that lifted a section of mesh just enough to allow the bottle to roll inside before slamming shut again.

“You’ve done this before,” I said, reaching for the water. The bottle was sealed, which was thoughtful. I wouldn’t have taken it from her otherwise.

“Many times. At first we had such a hard time getting people to talk to us, and an even harder time getting them to allow us to examine them. Then I designed the cage, and Carl said he didn’t think even he could get out of it. As it turned out, he was right.”

“You put your husband in here?”

“He was going to leave me! After I’d stuck with him through his Change! Do you know how much I cooked for that man? And how hard I worked to become a werewolf, too? I let him bite me over and over again! Then we started hunting witches, but none of the ones we found had any idea of what to do, no matter what we did to convince them.”

I really didn’t want to know what their persuasion techniques had been.

“The best we could do was to get one to make me the ghost amulet. That was our next idea, you see. Becoming a ghost sounded like a viable alternative.”

“I don’t think your definition of viable is the same as mine.”

“I know, I couldn’t very well sleep with my husband if he couldn’t touch me, but we didn’t know that most ghosts are insubstantial, or even the proper way to make one. We had half a dozen failures before we got it right.”

“Captain Bob?”

“That’s right. He wasn’t really killed by a vampire, of course, though Carl did try to make it look as if he had been. At first we thought it had been a waste of time, too, because the form has too many limits. Then I did a routine case study on him and realized that he had a witch in his family—that’s when we began to suspect the existence of the arcane gene.

“Next I traced Carl’s family tree and found a great-uncle who was a werewolf, but I had nothing. There was no way I could become a werewolf or a ghost or a witch.”

“Is that so awful?”

“To see all the possibilities and not want powers of my own? Not to mention the lengthened life span.”

“It’s not all wine and roses,” I said. “We have weaknesses, too. We have to hide what we are, and we lose more babies than we can carry to term, and—”

“I never wanted children. I just wanted Carl. But I got older while he stayed young. He started spending more time with the pack and less on our research. I hadn’t given up, but he didn’t care anymore. All he cared about was that bitch!”

It wasn’t even an insult, really, since she was talking about a werewolf.

“She was another bitten werewolf,” she said, “and he claimed he was just easing her into the life.” She snorted. “I didn’t need to be a werewolf to smell her on him. Soon he all but abandoned our work. All he cared about was rutting in the woods with his new mate.”

“So you killed him.”

“Thanks to our research, I knew exactly how to drug a werewolf. He didn’t taste a thing, any more than you did. Once I had him in the cage, it was easy.” She brushed off her hands as if she’d just wiped a dirty table. “If he’d been patient, we could have been together forever thanks to you.”

“I’m not sure what you want me to do. I’d be glad to bite you.” I couldn’t quite keep the growl out of my voice when I made the offer.

“That’s sweet, but no, it’s your boyfriend I want to bite me.”

“Excuse me?”

“David’s going to make me a vampire. Then I can continue my research forever. I wonder if a vampire can taste the arcane gene in a person’s blood. . . .” She actually pulled a pad out of her pocket to jot a note.

“You’re keeping me hostage to make David change you?”

“That’s right. As soon as I rise, I’ll tell him where you are.”

I saw a flaw in her plan, but unfortunately, she already had it covered.

She said, “I know he’ll try to use his vampire glamour on me, but it won’t work. The last witch I trapped claimed to know all about vampires, but what she really knew was how to protect herself from them. I was quite vexed. Still, the potion she made is coming in handy now, isn’t it?”

“It won’t work. David swore that he’d never offer anybody else the Choice.”

“I’m sure that was before he met you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, just like Carl used to look at me. He’ll do anything to get you back.”

“He’ll find me without your help.” She probably didn’t know about a vampire’s sense of smell—it was as good as a werewolf’s.

“I don’t think so. This lab is extremely well hidden, thanks to another research subject. I’m still not sure exactly what he was, but the fellow had a gift for hiding things. Carl’s little friend came sniffing around after his ‘car accident’ but she never found a thing.” She frowned. “I’d have gotten rid of her, too, but I was afraid it might look suspicious. At any rate, I doubt any werewolves will even try to find you—you’ve got no pack.”

“But David will never give up.”

“Try to be logical, Joyce. There’s no time for that. Remember what you said about werewolf weaknesses? You’re already hungry, aren’t you?”

As if in response, my stomach rumbled; even with the stench, my stomach growled. I must have slept through a meal or two.

“If he bites me tonight, I’ll rise in three days. You can certainly go that long without eating as long as you have water, but how much longer than that could you last? A human can survive a month, but research shows a werewolf starves much more quickly. If you’re injured, it’s even faster.” She smiled, and the sight nearly made me wet myself. “You’re not injured now, but if your vampire doesn’t bite me tonight, you will be.”

She left me another dozen bottles of water, then went through a metal door, and of course locked it behind her. I immediately investigated my cage more thoroughly. It was still secure and I was still hungry.

Despite Angie’s scheme, I wasn’t overly afraid. David would no more abandon me than he would snack on puppies. He’d bite Angie if that was what it took. It was what came afterward that worried me.

Would his sense of honor force David to take care of Angie once she became a vampire? As I’d told her, the bond between a creator and creation was close. If David broke that connection to kill her, it would hurt him emotionally, if not physically, and if he didn’t, then presumably the three of us would be living together for the foreseeable future. It would be like rooming with a mother-in-law, if your mother-in-law was a serial killer.

Considering the logistics of the situation didn’t improve my mood. I didn’t have any idea what time it was, either, which meant I couldn’t even begin to guess how much longer I was going to be in that cage. That naturally made me hungrier and thirstier, and I was trying to decide if I dared risk drinking another bottle of water when somebody arrived.

To my disappointment it wasn’t David. It was Captain Bob.

“Where’s the doc?” he demanded. “The vampire is on his way to the meeting site.”

“How should I know? Why don’t you ask someone who isn’t locked in a cage?”

“It’s for your own good—once she exterminates the vampire, you’ll be safe from his influence.”

“There are no words for how stupid you are. She’s not going to kill David. She wants him to bite her.”

“And when she’s got what she wants, do you think she’ll let him live?”

“You mean she—” Of course she’d kill David! She wouldn’t want to be under the thumb of a stronger vampire. There were no words for how stupid I was, but I didn’t need them. I howled, like a wolf who’d lost her mate, and I Changed to a wolf without even meaning to. Again and again I threw myself against the bars of the cage.

It was idiotic, of course, and when I finally calmed down enough to Change back, I was hungrier than ever.

Captain Bob was watching me.

“Go away,” I said, my throat raw.

“You really love him.”

“Damned right I do, and now he’s going to die because of me.”

“It’s his own hellish actions—”

“Blow it out your ass, ghost boy! If it weren’t for my wanting to go on a play date, David would never have come to the damned seminar and Angie would never have gotten near him. That makes it my fault. I suppose you’ll be right there, cheering her on. Maybe she’ll let you watch when she kills me, too.”

“She won’t kill you. As soon as the vampire is dead, she’ll let you go so you can be with your own kind.”

“What makes them my kind? It was a werewolf who nearly killed me, not a vampire. Speaking of werewolf bites, you might want to check out the ones on your neck.”

“It was a vampire—”

“I’ve seen plenty of vampire bites, and they don’t look like that. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Maybe your friend Carl tried to make it look like a vampire bite, but I bet even you can tell the difference between wolf teeth and vampire fangs.”

“Carl was my friend.”

“He was Dead Bob’s friend—he didn’t give two cents for Live Bob.” I threw up my hands in disgust. “Believe what you want. It’s not like I’ll be around to care. Angie won’t leave a witness.”

“Witness to what? Killing a vampire is no crime.”

“How about the other murders she’s committed?” I took a deep breath. “I can smell at least three humans who were kept in this cage, plus two of what I think were witches. Werewolves, too. What happened to them? Carl was in here, too, and you know he’s dead.”

“He was in a car accident!”

“Don’t tell me. I bet his body was completely destroyed.”

“So?”

I didn’t have the energy to argue with him, not with the scents of so many deaths seeping into my pores. I just turned my back on him, and when he came into the cage, shut my eyes and put my fingers in my ears. Eventually he got tired of talking to somebody who wasn’t in a receptive frame of mind. I waited until I was sure he was gone to cry.

Another interminable period of time passed while I tried to figure out some way I could get at Angie before she killed me, but when the lab door opened, I had nothing. I didn’t even want to look at her. I only opened my eyes when I smelled David. At first I honestly thought I was dreaming, but no dream I’ve ever had got that scent right.

I leapt up. “Is Angie . . . ? Did you . . . ?”

“She’s dead.”

“What happened?”

He didn’t answer because he was busy ripping the cage open, and after that, we were both busy for several minutes. Just having him still alive—well, as alive as I’d ever known him to be—should have been enough, but my stomach was growling constantly by that point.

“Sorry,” I said.

He just smiled and picked me up to carry me outside. Breathing the untainted nighttime air was intoxicating. In fact, the air was better than untainted. I smelled werewolves. And chicken soup!

Somebody pushed a cardboard container of hot soup into my hand, and I inhaled it. Only when I was wiping my lips with the back of my hand did I realize that it was Shannon who’d handed it to me.

Other werewolves I recognized were going into and out of Angie’s lab, which was apparently under an old barn out in the middle of nowhere. Whatever spell she’d used to hide the place had been broken.

Shannon gave me another container of soup, saying, “Remember, you’re not human. You don’t have to go slow.”

I took her at her word, and slurped down that and the next two portions without hesitating. Only then did I say, “David, I think you can put me down.”

“Must I?” he said, but did so and promptly wrapped his coat around me. I wasn’t cold, but I did appreciate having his aroma to inhale. I wasn’t sure I would ever get the stench of that cage out of my nose.

“What happened?” I asked again. “Captain Bob said you’d gone to meet Angie.”

“I did, but Angie was in no hurry. She said she just wanted to ask more questions before letting me feed from her, but I don’t believe that she ever intended for me to bite her. She thought that if she drained my blood herself and drank it, the effect would be the same.”

“Would that have worked?”

He shrugged. “The wolves found us before she could try. She shot one with a dart gun, possibly what she’d intended to use on me, and they killed her before she could fire again.”

“Then how did you find me?”

“A friend helped.”

To my complete shock, Captain Bob floated into view.

“Since when are you a friend?” I asked.

“Since I helped save your life!”

“You helped Angie drug me in the first place.”

“I helped save your boyfriend, too.”

“You also helped lure him into Angie’s trap—still no points.”

He thought for a minute. “I told the wolves to bring you food.”

“Really?” Maybe we were friends after all.

The rest of the wolves stayed at Angie’s lair to explore it and decide what part of her research was worth saving. In a surprisingly short time, they dismantled the place and destroyed any evidence of supernatural beings. Of course, that meant destroying evidence of the murders, too, but Angie and Carl were both dead, so it seemed like the best choice.

While all that was going on, David drove me back to the Cahill Resort—it was too close to dawn for us to be sure of getting home. Captain Bob came along, cheerfully criticizing David’s driving. At least he had enough manners to leave us alone when we got back to my cabin.

There was only half an hour left of darkness by then—enough for me to either eat again or thank David properly for rescuing me. I think I made the right choice.

With David in the closet for the day, I took an obscenely long shower and then went down to the main building to see if the breakfast buffet was open. It wasn’t, but when the staff saw me, they started bringing me food. I don’t think French toast had ever tasted so good, and luckily for me, it was just the appetizer.

Other werewolves started arriving for breakfast after a while, and a good number stopped to say hello. Some were shy, some expressed concern and sympathy, and one was bold enough to make jokes about what I’d been through. It was all good. They’d rescued David and me. They might not be my pack, but they were my friends.

After people started heading off to seminar sessions, Captain Bob floated in.

“I thought you’d be getting some rest,” he said.

“Too hungry to sleep.”

He looked at the empty plates around me. “So I see.”

“You’re just jealous.”

“Maybe, but at least I never get heartburn. And I only fart when I want to.”

“There’s no fart like an old one,” I replied, and he chuckled. “So what changed your mind about David?”

“You love him. I thought it was Stockholm syndrome or something like that at first, but you weren’t abused or hypnotized. You just love him. I couldn’t take him from you.”

“Thank you.”

He smiled, I smiled back, and it was very sweet.

Of course he had to spoil it by saying, “Why you picked a vampire to love I’ll never know.”

I wasn’t going to try to explain it to him. “One more question. How did you talk the Council into riding to the rescue? They’d known Angie a long time—it couldn’t have been easy to convince them that she was a murderer.”

“It took some doing.”

“Yeah?”

“First I showed them my death bite, and told them what you’d said about mouths. One of the alphas is a dentist and once she took a good look, she could tell a werewolf had killed me after all.”

“And that did it?”

“Not completely. They were willing to investigate, but they can’t do anything without forming a committee. So I pointed out that if they didn’t stop Angie, there was going to be a vampire nearby who knew pack secrets.”

“That must have lit a fire under their tails.”

“It got them moving, but not fast enough to save your boyfriend. For that, I had to get tough.”

“How does a ghost get tough?”

“I threatened to haunt them.”

“They went for that? I mean you can be annoying, but you aren’t that bad.”

“Wanna bet? You remember how I can take any form I had in life? I picked the worst form I could think of.”

“A teenager?”

“A baby. And I had colic for my whole first year.”

“Remind me to never get you mad at me.”

“Been there, done that.”

I started yawning, and decided I could use a nap after all. I went back to my cabin and ended up sleeping most of the day, and woke up with David beside me. It was very nice.

The rest of the seminar wasn’t bad, either. I attended a few more sessions, with presenters who were considerably less creepy than Angie, and Captain Bob stuck around to make sure I paid attention. The meals were convivial, and nobody seemed to mind David showing up every evening, especially after the Council invited him back the next year to talk about vampires.

There was a gala the final night, which was the first time David and I had danced together. I was wearing a new dress that was tight in all the right places, and he looked absolutely mouthwatering in a suit I’d had no idea he owned. Much to my delight, he’d kept up with the latest dances and had some serious moves.

Most of the attendees were leaving the next morning, but we had to leave that night to make sure we got home in time to get David back to his own light-proof bedroom. So even before the gala ended, we changed out of our party clothes, packed up, and loaded everything into my car. I’d been looking for Captain Bob all evening, but it was only when I was locking the door to the cabin that I spotted him sitting on the hood of the car.

“Just the ghost I wanted to see,” I said.

“How many ghosts do you know?”

“One is enough. Did you ever dress as a pirate for Halloween or a costume party? I mean, as a grown man.”

“I might have.”

“Could you switch into that costume?”

“Why?”

“Just bear with me.”

He frowned, but his clothing morphed into an impressive pirate captain’s costume: a royal blue frock coat with gold trim, a wide-brimmed hat, and big black boots. It was more foppish than David usually wore in his pirate guise, but not so close to Disney’s Captain Hook as to raise copyright issues. Best of all, he looked really good in it—if he’d been wearing a chintzy beard or a painted-on scar, it would have spoiled my plan.

“Perfect!” I said.

David raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve got an idea.” Said idea had been percolating for the previous couple of days, but until I saw Captain Bob in costume, I hadn’t known if it would work. “Captain, have you given any thought to going back to the sea? Or at least to a lake? You see, Pirate Dave’s Adventure Cove has this pirate ship that nobody rides.”

“Nearly nobody,” David put in.

“Fine, nearly nobody rides. So I was thinking, how about a haunted pirate ship?”

“With me providing the haunting?” Captain Bob said.

“Why not? With the proper set dressing and some spooky music, and maybe some special effects, people would be in the right mood to see you.” I didn’t know how we’d convince our workers that Captain Bob was a special effect instead of a real ghost, but that was just a detail. “I bet it would be a big hit.”

I could tell David liked the idea, but Captain Bob had to make a show of looking doubtful.

“Why would I want a job?” he said. “You can’t pay me, and you can’t expect a man to work for nothing. Not even a dead one.”

“What would you say if I told you that there are computer programs that are voice activated?”

“Really?”

“So if somebody set it up for you, and lent a hand now and then, you’d be able to surf the Web, post on Facebook, whatever you wanted. In fact, if you promise to stay out of my bedroom, I’ll even help you play solitaire.”

“I’m in,” he said, and jumped into the front seat of the car.

“I’m riding shotgun, ghost boy,” I said.

“What do you care? You’re just going to roll down the window and ride with your head hanging out anyway.”

David silently endured our bickering for a solid fifteen minutes of driving before roaring, “Enough!” Belatedly I realized I should have consulted him before inviting Captain Bob to move in.

Before I could decide between an apology or a bribe, David said, “If you two don’t behave yourselves, I’m going to turn this car right around!”

I snickered, and Captain Bob snarked, “At the rate you’re going, we’ll never get there anyway. You drive like my great-aunt!”

“Number one, I’m older than your great-aunt. Number two, I sailed ships across the Atlantic and the Caribbean, so it’s safe to say that I know more about navigating than a ferryboat captain.”

As they continued their discussion, I decided that while Captain Bob wasn’t the new BFF I’d pictured, he was going to work out just fine.