Agatha H. and the Clockwork Princess (Phil Foglio) читать бесплатно онлайн полную версию книги (ч. notes)

NOTES

1

As any serious student of the life of Agatha Heterodyne must be aware of by now, hard facts about things like geography are frustratingly difficult to nail down. As far as we have been able to ascertain, the mountains referred to here were probably part of The Balkans, but could easily have been part of the Transylvanian Alps. All we know for sure is that they were flat on the bottom, pointed on the top, and had ears.

2

See our previous textbook, which, due to unfortunate market forces is entitled Agatha H and the Airship City. We had suggested The Life of Agatha Heterodyne; Part One—Leaving the University. An Examination of the Causes and Tribulations Leading to the Restoration of the House of Heterodyne, A Reexamination of the Storm King Mythos and Some Clues as to the Underlying Troubles Within the Political Structure of the Wulfenbach Empire. We will concede that this was a bit dry. However we were able to prevent it from being titled Agatha’s Electrifying Orbs of Scientific Seduction! So we must take our victories where we can.

3

Othar Tryggvassen, self-styled Gentleman Adventurer, was an important figure in the life of Agatha Heterodyne. Obviously overly influenced by the legends of The Heterodyne Boys, he was, at this time, an adventuring do-gooder. Unknown to most people, he was determined to eradicate all Sparks, as he was convinced that they were the source of all the evil and madness in the world. This was an attractive theory, and even most Sparks had to admit that he had a point, in his own tiresome way. This task was complicated by the fact that Othar was, himself, a very strong Spark. It is hypothesized that a young Othar had something to do with the eradication of the city of Oslo, which would explain a lot of the evident guilt and self-loathing. However, Othar had resolved this inner dichotomy to his own satisfaction by declaring that once he had destroyed all the other Sparks, he would finish the job by killing himself. As far as Sparks go, this is actually a fairly well thought out plan.

4

The town of Mechanicsburg, the traditional home of the Heterodyne family, sits upon a large fossil deposit. The most ubiquitous of these are indeed, trilobites. The trilobite appears in the city’s coat-of-arms, is a popular and traditional shape for seasonal baked goods—most notably the gingerbread, and is usually the perfect size to slip into an old sock for use upon the odd, unsuspecting tourist.

5

This is one of those instances where legends are surprisingly accurate. Castle Wulfenbach was a gigantic airship, close to a kilometer in length, that, at this time served as the de facto capital of the Wulfenbach Empire—and the heart of the Pax Transylvania. Subsequent stories have tried to downsize this structure, but the evidence for its existence is incontrovertible. Thousands of personnel lived onboard, and many of them had not touched the ground in years.

6

It was commonplace in Europa for professional entertainers to look down upon acts that displayed or utilized genuine artifacts of mad science without obfuscation. A talking cat act (for example) consisting of an actual cat—that actually spoke—would have been considered “cheating.” On the other hand, a talking cat disguised and billed as a “talking dog” would be greatly admired. It’s all about how you play the game.

7

Heterodyne shows were a recent variation of the venerable tradition known as commedia dell’arte. Actors assumed various iconic roles, and while the plays themselves varied, the personalities of the main characters generally remained the same, and were well-known to the audience. Heterodyne stories were quite popular—so much so that many troupes came to specialize in them, and to bill themselves directly as “Heterodyne” shows. At the time that our story takes place, The Empire’s Department of Entertainments, Circuses, Carnivals, Traveling Shows and Smugglers estimated that there were over a hundred and twenty such shows, though surely few were as elaborate as Master Payne’s Circus of Adventure.

8

While slavery was not tolerated within the Wulfenbach Empire, there were other lands, and other empires with no such rules. Also, it was a sad truth that certain unethical Sparks of the time paid quite handsomely for “laboratory volunteers” when they could get them...

9

Zzxzm was easily one of the Heterodyne Boys’ odder companions. The result of a laboratory accident involving an experimental compass and an unattended lightning generator, he eventually retired to the North Pole.

10

There are many who question why as tightly a regulated government as the Pax Transylvania allowed a wild card like Othar Tryggvassen the freedom to meddle as extensively as he did for as long as he did. The simple answer, gleaned from newly unearthed records, suggest that Klaus, who hated wasting resources, human or otherwise, made use of him. It is no secret that there were many Sparks who utilized their own people as experimental subjects. Sometimes with horrifying results. The problem was that legally as long as a Spark did not attack anyone outside their own borders, the Empire could not interfere with a kingdom’s internal affairs. Thus it now appears that Klaus’ own agents steered Othar toward situations where he would be useful. The reason he was arrested was that he had begun to successfully eliminate some of the Empire’s more useful Sparks. The arrest had to be made in secret, due to his popularity with the general public. Officially arresting Othar would have been a public relations disaster.

11

Castle Heterodyne, located in Mechanicsburg, the home of the Heterodyne family was, at this period, being used as a punishment detail for Sparks and other troublesome people that the Empire wanted to get rid of. In this, it did a superlative job. Further details will be revealed in future volumes. Honest.

12

Bangladesh DuPree was one of Klaus’ more flamboyant employees. She was a former air pirate, a deposed princess, and a cheerful homicidal maniac. By any rights, she should have been jailed or executed. However, as has been said before, Klaus hated to waste potential resources, and whereas DuPree wasn’t the most dangerous monster on his payroll, she was one of the most terrifying.

13

Both Bangladesh and Gilgamesh would have been distressed to read the field reports that assessed the two of them as being an excellent team. It had certainly kept the Baron from sleeping for several nights.

14

By now, the keen student of Spark history will be asking, “Is this the same Count Leovanovitch Pieotre Rasmussin who was responsible for the destruction of the Royal Palace of St. Petersburg through the cunning use of excessive syncopated dancing, which caused a resonance disaster after the Tsar seduced his wife, Zolenka? The answer is, we don’t know. But it wouldn’t surprise us.

15

The Spark in question, one Hugo Von Bode, had enjoyed sending his creations out on random voyages of chaos and destruction “Just to keep things from getting boring!” Klaus had taken some pains to ensure that his last minutes had been anything but.

16

Boris Vasily Konstantin Andrei Myshkin Dolokhov was one of the most fascinating of Baron Wulfenbach’s inner circle. The Baron had rescued him from slavery and Boris repaid him with a lifetime of loyalty. Although he frequently assumed total control of the Empire when the Baron was injured or indisposed, he never seems to have been tempted to exploit this power for his own ends. He simply took joy in things functioning smoothly and efficiently. By all accounts, he was reckoned the most boring man in the Empire.

17

Lilith, Agatha’s foster mother, had been an exuberant proponent of the preserving, canning, drying and pickling of various fruits and vegetables. Agatha had once complained that this might make sense if the Clays managed a farm, but in fact, they lived in town, and all of the produce they processed was purchased from local green-grocers. Lilith had said nothing at the time, but that night, Agatha awakened and discovered that, after midnight, her parents’ forge served as a gathering place for constructs she had never seen before. These were twisted, bizarre creations. Things that could never feel comfortable out in public, despite the Baron’s laws enforcing tolerance. They labored in the many unseen jobs offered by the University. Despite their often horrific appearance, Agatha found them to be intelligent, well-read, and urbane, in their own strange way. It was these creatures who received the bulk of the preserved food. The Clays always refused direct payment, but Agatha now understood the source of the many odd and useful things that appeared overnight upon the Clay’s doorstep.

18

Then, as now, Paris has always been a safe guess when outlandish or bizarre fashion is the topic.

19

Historically, the construct, Punch, had been one of the Heterodyne Boys’ constant companions, along with his wife, Judy. In the Heterodyne plays, Punch was portrayed as an oafish, freakishly strong clown. This greatly annoyed Agatha’s foster-father, Adam, who had in fact, been Punch, before he changed his name.

20

Professional traveling entertainers were expected to be able to sing, dance, juggle, tell jokes, and play several musical instruments. In addition, they were supposed to have some secondary side-show skill, such as knife throwing, fire eating, acrobatics, or being short. At any given time they had to be able to memorize enough material that the circus could perform two full shows, in excess of two hours, every day, for two weeks without repeating anything. Proficiency with weapons was also considered a plus. To join a quality show such as Master Payne’s, one would also need some non-entertainment skill that would be useful to the troupe, such as brewing, mycology, or picking pockets. But hey, it beat working.

21

The language of the Geisterdamen, developing as it did without any Indo-European influences, has always been a thing of unfamiliar cadences and bizarre word structure. To recreate the sense of confusion and unfamiliarity that the linguistically cosmopolitan Lady Heterodyne must have experienced the first time she heard it, we have helpfully rendered all of the Geisterdamen’s dialogue as gibberish.

22

It is true that most madboy devices are built for purely utilitarian purposes: I want to go faster; How can one person stack all of these starfish; I will gain the respect of my peers if I can turn this entire town into ham, and so on. But there are some things that burst forth from their creator’s brain simply because they want to make the world more aesthetically pleasing. So what if it doesn’t help one conquer the world? It looks awesome. It’s Art.

23

This sort of historical revisionism is quite common amongst entertainers. If something amazing or terrible happens to them out in the wilderness, then by golly, when it gets told to the paying customers, it’s going to have a satisfying conclusion. It’s analogous to writing a business loss off on one’s taxes.

24

The troupe’s dressmaker, Organza Fifield, had once won a bet by visually deducing the correct clothing sizes of an unfamiliar group of men who had, at the time, been dressed respectively, as an armored knight, a monk, a construct with three arms, and a pantomime horse.

25

In the Transylvanian region, Saint Nikkolaus is known as a benevolent Spark who has learned how to bend time and space in such a way that he can deliver presents to good children everywhere in one night. His companion, Blank Peter, is a construct, who does all the heavy lifting. So onerous is this job, that Blank Peter actually wears out from the strain (cookies depicting him are a holiday favorite, and small children take a sadistic joy in “nibbling Blank Peter Down.”). Jolly old St. Nikkolaus then selects several “Bad Children,” takes them back home to Spain and uses them to create anew Blank Peter. Thus the Christmas season continues to be a time of both joy and terror, as it should be.

26

Yeti was a very tall Asiatic man covered in a coat of soft, golden fur. He claimed that he came from an enlightened, five-thousand-year-old utopia, the last remnant of a lost civilization that had deliberately hidden itself away from the eyes of mankind high in the Himalayan Mountains near Tibet. He further claimed that everyone there was as tall, as furry, and as Sparky as himself. Nobody believed this, of course, since Yeti’s accent sounded exactly like the ones found in the Chinese neighborhoods in Istanbul, but they agreed that it was a great story.

27

Science has proven that this position actually improves memorization. One of the reasons older people have difficulty remembering things is that they refuse to sit like this because they feel foolish doing so. More fool they.

28

Admittedly, attacks these days were few and far between, but Zumzum had a fair number of young people who maintained a fine old tradition of nighttime assignations. This assured that the scope was manned almost constantly. Sergeant Zulli always glumly predicted that when the town was attacked, it would beona cold and rainy night.

29

It wasn’t.

30

While mercantile trade was common within the Empire, there were certain local specialties that simply didn’t travel well. For the best Viennese pastries, for example, you had to go to Vienna. Every town had a local beer, seasonal fruit, wine, fried dough recipe or scam for cheating tourists that the locals were proud of.

31

Grounded was the term used when a Spark was sane enough to function on a day-today basis. It says a lot that many people, including Sparks, are unfamiliar with the term.

32

Regular travelers throughout the Empire were issued warning signs by the Empire and required to post them, as well as report on problems they’d encountered. The penalties for anyone except the Baron’s troops removing a warning sign usually involved becoming a warning sign yourself.

33

In addition to rewarding travelers who posted warning signs, the Baron’s agents were known to pay well for unusual specimens. Initially, there had been a number of people who had decided to “put one over” on the Baron by constructing and selling him fake madboy tech and handmade chimeras. The Baron bought them all, and the counterfeiters had a good laugh—until these same fakes appeared at various museums and auction houses, where they made the Empire significantly more money than it had paid out.

34

Krosp did indeed try to run Moxana. The experiment was abandoned after he gothis whiskers caught in the mechanisms for the second time.

35

The High Priestess was a favorite stock character in the Heterodyne Plays. She represented all of the exotic Sparks who ruled mysterious, far-off lands and lost, barbaric civilizations who started out as antagonists, but invariably fell in love with Barry Heterodyne.

36

Indeed, one Herr Doktor Flatmo actually left the circus in disgrace when Agatha’s mathematics revealed that his so-called “perpetual motion engine” actually required a slight push every ten and a half years in order to keep running. Oh, everyone was very nice about it in public, of course, but still...

37

The Cylinder of Touch was a breathtaking creation of colored glass and wire. Its creator, Herr Doktor Potrzebie Spün, invited customers to place their hands on it to “Feel something extraordinary!” It evidently had been quite extraordinary, considering how much they screamed.

38

On the surface, this was a legitimate observation. In his carefree youth, Klaus Wulfenbach had been a frequent companion-in-arms to Bill and Barry. But in subsequent years, as he had become more prominent, the Muse of Comedy had not been kind to him. In the Heterodyne plays, young Klaus was usually portrayed as an excitable coward. The first to turn tail, the first to gloat when he had the upper hand, the first to beg piteously for his life when captured, and after the inevitable victory, the first to claim the credit. Klaus was perfectly aware of these portrayals, yet allowed them to continue. The reason was simple: he found them hilarious.

39

As has been mentioned, Agatha’s foster-mother, the construct Lilith (AKA Judy, the famous construct companion to the Heterodyne Boys), not only played the piano, but gave lessons in Beetleburg. According to anecdotal evidence, while young Agatha had trouble concentrating on tasks that involved engineering or math, music apparently came easier. At Lilith’s insistence, Dr. Beetle arranged for her to receive advanced training from some of the music masters at Transylvania Polygnostic University. An assessment from when Agatha was fourteen reads; “Subject has a refreshing appreciation of music. Superior mechanical aptitude. However it is my considered opinion that she lacks the fire and raw emotion required of a great player.” (from The Heterodyne Collection/ Transylvania Polygnostic Library, Beetleburg)

40

From this description, as well as the others in this chapter, we can be fairly certain that Moxana was using the legendary Queen’s Tarot Deck. This deck was commissioned by Albia of England, and illustrated by the Polish alchemist Cagliostro. Albia supposedly designed many of the cards herself, in the process renaming most of the Major Arcana. Today, only three complete decks are known to survive. One is in the British Museum, one is in the Restricted Collection of the Louvre, and one is in The Hermitage in St. Petersburg. The implication that Moxana possessed a deck, while intriguing, has yet to be actually confirmed. The Queen’s Tarot is of particular interest to scholars, because according to anecdotal evidence, everyone who used it either went mad or spontaneously combusted.

41

Andronicus Valois, the Storm King, that charismatic historical figure who united Europa against the Heterodynes, pioneered the practice of absorbing a conquered enemy’s forces. A strategy that Klaus Wulfenbach later adopted with great success. The greatest of the King’s Sparks, was one R. van Rijn. Details about the man are frustratingly vague. We know that he claimed to be from one of the old Dutch Kingdoms and that he was always afraid that he would be assassinated, though he would never explain why. Contemporary writings suggest that he went to great lengths to obscure information about himself from becoming common knowledge, to the point where he even refused to sit for a portrait by the King’s artist-in-residence. Some have suggested that he was a fictional creation, and that his work was actually made by Andronicus Valois himself. The Muses themselves vehemently deny this.

42

The Storm King’s Muses were unquestionably Van Rijn’s greatest accomplishment. They were a set of nine clanks designed to embody various attributes that Van Rijn considered important for a ruler to know. They would guide, teach and instruct the Storm King in the various disciplines that would enable him to not just win a war, but wisely govern afterward. While there is no question that Andronicus was a superb administrator and manipulator, his journals reveal that the scope of the Empire was beginning to tax even his capabilities. As far as The Muses themselves, much has been claimed about their abilities, and many of these claims seem outlandish. However Van Rijn, in one of his few surviving letters (“Letter to ‘D’.” Currently held in the Non-Animate Library of Munich), confessed that with the Muses, he had produced something that he himself did not fully understand.—”But they have most kindly told me not to worry about it.”

43

Dr. Beetle, the Tyrant of Beetleburg and master of the University, had been a friend of Barry Heterodyne, and one of the few people who had known the truth of Agatha’s lineage, as well as the secret of her locket. He had kept her as close as possible by making her one of his lab assistants. The Lady Heterodyne has acknowledged that he was responsible for teaching her much about laboratory methodology, small town management, and advanced ranting.

44

Bartolomeo Christofori di Francesco was an Italian creator of musical instruments. He is credited with inventing the piano. This invention did not experience great success however, until two years later, when he invented the piano bench.

45

This useful little hand gesture tends to be made as surreptitiously as possible, since even crude, home-brewed clanks tended to be big, fast, and possessed of an fine sense of self-preservation.

46

In the Heterodyne plays, Lucrezia Mongfish was the ingénue, to be sure, but initially, she was always portrayed as a comically evil figure, who was vain, megalomaniacal, treacherous and an inveterate liar. She was always redeemed by the power of Bill Heterodyne’s love sometime in the third act, but until then, she was an audience favorite.

47

From the description, it seems likely that the Princess Anevka was wearing something from Monsieur Oliphaunt of Paris’ “Beautiful Abominations of Science” line. A perennial favorite amongst Sparky fashonistas with a taste for vivisection. As The Journal of Paris Fashion said in a favorable review “Très mad? Très chic!”

48

Romanian was the official language of the Empire. However most educated people in the sciences, were conversant in Latin, Greek, and German, as well as English (the language of trade) and French (the language of diplomacy). Certain schools of mathematics are best discussed in Arabic, and Russian is always good for a laugh. At this time, thanks to her secretarial duties for the late Tyrant of Beetleburg, Agatha was conversant in all of them.

49

Cleonicus Rollipod, Ph.D, Order of the Steel Pen, etc., was a brilliant botanist, who single-handedly developed the universally popular “Meat Wheat,” despite the fact that he was convinced that he was really a giant bumblebee (bombus megamaxillosus). Luckily he was one of those people who looked good in yellow and black.

50

As much as he tried, Klaus could not be everywhere. Occasionally he empowered extraordinary individuals to act in his stead. The Baron’s Questors were arguably some of the most powerful figures in Europa at this time. They could go anywhere. Demand to see anything. And at a moment’s notice, demand co-operation or obedience from any of the Baron’s people, as well as act as judge, jury and executioner. They were doubly annoying because they tended to travel incognito, so one always had to be careful about who you arrested (which was rather the point). They also tended to be damned hard to kill. However the penalties for defying or incarcerating them paled beside what happened if you impersonated one. Naturally, they were the heroes of hundreds of folk tales, legends and stories.

51

Being a Spark was dangerous. This was no secret. Many Sparks dealt with the ever-present possibility of death or defeat by constructing elaborate doomsday devices. Finding and disarming these was a popular staple in Heterodyne Plays. For Sparks, end-of-life counseling usually involved architects and demolitions experts.

52

The identity of The Other, who had destroyed Castle Heterodyne, wiped out over thirty of the Great Spark Houses of Europa and precipitated the Long War, was one of the greatest mysteries of this time. The Other never issued demands, ultimatums or justifications for her actions, leading some to wonder if she was a Spark at all.

53

The Fifty Families are a coalition of those families that used to rule Europa. Their ancestors were brigands and thugs who were so good at killing people that the remaining people started giving them things so they’d stop. This made them Royalty. These days their descendants never mention this, as it seems entirely too much like honest labor. While the Fifty Families can do nothing directly about Klaus, they still have enough influence that they can be an annoyance.

54

Most plans or devices created by Sparks tended to frustrate those non-Sparks who attempted to repair or duplicate them. Working on them excessively tended to drive those who did so quite mad. Disappointingly this didn’t help.

55

Klaus originally sent Bangladesh DuPree to Paris to teach Gilgamesh how to fight a crazy person (though this was not what he told Captain DuPree). There have been tantalizing hints that their relationship progressed beyond this, but many scholars regard this as unlikely since both were still alive.

56

Parisian scandal-sheets of the period in question do mention one “Gilgamesh Holzfäller” a surprising number of times. Usually in connection with assorted foiled robberies, captured rogue experiments, subdued out-of-control clanks, and exposed secret societies. In these exploits, he was invariably accompanied by a revolving cast of vivacious, under-dressed ladies who had required rescuing. This was really as close as Gil had ever got to “dating”.

57

Amongst the aristocracy, black envelopes were reserved for the deaths of nobility. Amongst the merchant class, it usually signified an everything-must-go sale.

58

A pirate queen, to be sure. But the aristocracy these days was feeling sufficiently under siege that they were prepared to overlook certain realities. As a result, many a formal banquet had been enlivened by someone foolishly inviting someone who was euphemistically referred to as “working royalty”.

59

Gilgamesh had written most of them down in a rather thick book.

60

In the three years since she had joined Klaus’ forces, Bangladesh’s unconventional fight against the air force’s traditional glass ceiling had produced a disturbing number of conventional casualties. Klaus did little about this, claiming that it was an internal problem that the service should work out itself. In truth, he had noticed that the newer officers, especially those who had helped bury their predecessors, tended to be a lot more open-minded about things. Plus, when he used female officers, a depressing number of foes of the Empire underestimated them—usually right up until they were blown from the sky.

61

Sometimes, when a madboy’s schemes were not producing the desired results, they actually had sufficient insight to blame themselves. However, instead of addressing their numerous psychological problems, behavioral issues or basic inability to grasp reality, a significant number of them tried to solve their problems by making themselves smarter. The results never failed to be entertaining. If they survived, Klaus found them to be quite useful. Admittedly, the Deep Thinkers’ ruminations were useless for day-to-day planning, but they were able to correlate vast amounts of seemingly unrelated data, and use it to predict future trends and outcomes, as well as enhance or prevent certain outcomes, usually by minutely affecting things that had no apparent connection. The downside was that Klaus grew weary knowing that every time he had oatmeal for breakfast, he was dooming humanity to a thousand years of war and slavery and that this terrible fate was only prevented by his having a banana with lunch.

62

Every Wulfenbach Bosun’s whistle was a marvel of acoustical engineering, and was tuned to a different pitch. These pitches were used to identify particular ships in fog and at night by dockhands as well as fleet commanders. While a Bosun might be transferred, the whistle itself was handed down within the ship. Particularly discordant or nerve-wracking whistles were a source of pride, and the sound of a dozen or so of them keening in the dawn air, growing louder as the great ships dropped out of the sky, had broken the nerve of more than one set of defenders.

63

Mad Behavioral Scientists didn’t get a lot of press, but Klaus had several of them on his payrolls. The morale of the forces of the Empire were often bolstered by statistically odd, but not all that uncommon occurrences that had been carefully woven into an efficient mythos of good luck. Similarly things that were seen as bad luck tended to be things that happened because of sloppiness (uncoiled ropes), foolishness (not checking your safety line when outside the gondola), or terminal ignorance (lighting a match inside a gasbag). As a result, the Wulfenbach troops did better overall because they felt lucky, and as one surveyed the wreckage of those who went up against them, it was a hard point to argue against. If only because it was unlucky.

64

No other single attribute or talent of the Heterodyne family is so little understood, even today as the ability they refer to as heterodyning. True heterodyning consists of producing an audible frequency that is the exact opposite of an existing audible frequency. These two frequencies ideally “cancel each other out.” Agatha and other Heterodynes claim that they could produce a type of vocal “humming” that reduced or eliminated ambient noise, making it much easier to sink into a Spark enhanced fugue-state.

65

This led to even more exciting experiences with incorruptible gendarmes, state-of-the-art jail cells, and a once-in-a-lifetime-if-you-are-lucky meeting with the Master of Paris himself. When this was done, they were sent home with many exciting memories, several train cars full of purchases, and an assignment to read and write a report on Rousseau’s “Discourse on the Basis of lnequality”.

66

Being French, they used better words than that.

67

Alfons Mucha is one of a handful of recognized Sparks who turned their talents to Art, instead of Science. He believed that aesthetically nature was a superior designer and structural engineer, and so he produced a wide variety of man-made objects that looked as if they had been grown organically. These indeed proved to be stronger and more efficient, but tended to dry up and fall over in the autumn. Alfons also believed that beautiful women should wear as little as possible, and designed many outfits to prove it. Thus, while his architectural business foundered, its give-away calendars were extremely popular.

68

Except to say that, when engaged in the perfectly legitimate art form known as Storytelling amidst the general public, one should always be aware of any and all local ordinances regarding slander, gossip, and defamation of character regarding a town’s leaders, who usually regard freedom of expression as something reserved wholly for themselves. Just saying.

69

This is a phrase in the original language of the Mechanicsburg region, which roughly translates as, “Are you going to eat me?” Any long-time resident of Mechanicsburg will tell you that this is a remarkably useful phrase to know. Your Professor (for yes, this falsely incarcerated person was, in fact Professor Philip Foglio), is, despite the shrill claims of the local Chamber of Commerce, indeed a native-born son of Mechanicsburg.

70

Sparkhunds were a breed of wolf/mastiff hybrids, specially bred to hunt down Sparks. It was inevitable that some of the more perverse Sparks had found the concept amusing, and thus had made their own contributions to the breed. As a result, the Sparkhunds at the time of our story were enormous, semi-intelligent creatures with rudimentary hands and jaws that could tear through armor plating. Naturally they still hunted Sparks, but now they enjoyed it.

71

Many Jägers lose touch with their humanity. This should come as no surprise, considering they were recruited from the Heterodyne’s army of reavers, pillagers, thugs and warriors, who were not chosen for their warmth and sensitivity to begin with. What did come as a surprise, was that to some degree or another, over time, they all regretted this loss. Many of them tried to develop interests and hobbies that tied them to normal people. The Jäger, Ognian, took an inordinate amount of interest in his descendants. He maintained records. He kept scrapbooks. He tried to set them up on dates. Thanks to his help, the Professor’s family at the time of our story was dangerously close to going extinct.

72

Luckily, for all concerned, sometime in the past, an anonymous female Spark developed a quiet useful plant, known as “Trusty Maiden Weed”. Due to its invasive qualities, it was now grown throughout Europa. When brewed into a tasty tea, and drunk on a regular basis, it prevented pregnancy, as well as a number of embarrassing diseases. Many traveling shows harvested it as they moved about and did a brisk business selling it in town. It was a rare woman who skipped her morning Maiden’s Cup.

73

At this time, it was the practice of Wulfenbach forces during an invasion to shackle prisoners and then drive a large metal staple into a nearby wall, so they could be collected later. A territory as large as the Empire was always looking for trained soldiers, and very few of rank and file were themselves driven by ideological ideals. Usually they were conscripts, draftees, mercenaries or such, and thus, when offered the choice of being cut loose with one month’s pay or being allowed to join the well-fed, well-paid and well-dressed armies of the Pax Transylvania, many of them joined up without hesitation.

74

A very long time indeed.

75

Hoomhoffers were gigantic insects, the end result of some forgotten Spark entomologists’ experiments. The original subjects had apparently been dust mites, too small to be seen by the naked eye. The experiments been designed to “make those little rascals big enough that I get a look at them.” They now required a small chugging engine to make sure they got enough oxygen throughout their enormous frames. This was a bit inconvenient, but their resistance made up for it. Plus, they ate a lot of dust.

76

Jean Anthelime Brillant-Savarin was a French Spark obsessed with food and fine dinning. His most famous saying was. “Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you who you are.” He was devoured by a rather confused monster who had read his books and decided that what he most wanted to be, was Brillant-Savarin.

77

They were easily the most comfortable shoes Agatha had ever worn. You could walk all day and not feel any fatigue. But if you stood still for too long, you had to pay attention, or else you found your feet starting to dance. They were great for weddings, but Sasho had been run out of his home town after the funeral.