Abaddon's Gate

Epilogue: Anna

Anna sat in the observation lounge of the Thomas Prince and looked out at the stars.

The lounge was a dome-shaped room where every flat surface was a high-definition screen displaying a 360-degree view of the outside. To Anna, sitting in it felt like flying through space on a park bench. It had become her favorite place on the ship, with the stars burning in their bright steady colors, no atmosphere to make them twinkle. They felt so close now. Like she could reach out and touch them.

Her hand terminal beeped at her to remind her that she was in the middle of recording a video message. She deleted the time she’d spent looking at the stars and started the recording again.

“So, that letter from the conference bishop turned out to be a request for a formal meeting. Apparently some people have complained about me. Probably Ashford. Neck deep in his own legal problems with the OPA and still finding time to make trouble for everyone else. But don’t worry about it. They’ll ask, I’ll answer, I’ve got pretty good reasons for everything I did. I have lots of offers of support from people I worked with on the fleet. I probably won’t need them. Speaking of which, I’ve invited my friend Tilly Fagan to come visit us in Moscow. She’s abrasive and cranky and has no social filters at all. You’ll love her. She can’t wait to meet Nami.”

Anna paused to attach a picture she’d taken of Tilly to the message. Tilly was looking at the camera through narrowed eyes, just seconds from telling Anna to “get that fucking thing out of my face.” She held a cigarette in one hand; her other was pointing accusingly. It was not the nicest picture of Tilly she had, but it was the most accurate.

“Speaking of Nami, thank you so much for the videos you sent. I can’t believe how enormous she’s gotten. And crawling around in full gravity like she was born to it. She’ll be walking again in no time. Thank you for taking her home. Sometimes I wish I’d just gone with you. Most of the time, actually. But then I think about all the things I did inside the Ring, and I wonder if any of it would have turned out as well if I hadn’t helped. It seems arrogant to think that way, but I also believe that God nudges people toward the places they need to be. Maybe I was needed. I still plan on being very contrite when I get back. You, the bishop, Nami, my family, I have a lot of apologizing to do.”

As clear as if she’d been in the room, Anna heard Nono say, You never ask for permission, you just apologize later. She laughed until her eyes watered. She wiped them and said to the camera, “You’re still here, Nono. Still in my head. But I’d trade anything to have you hold me. The Prince will take another month to get back. It’s an eternity. I love you.”

She picked up the pillow she’d brought with her and held it tight to her chest. “This is you and Nami. This is both of you. I love you both so much.”

She killed the recording and sent it off, winging ahead of the Prince to Nono at the speed of light. Still too slow. She wiped away the tears that had accumulated at the corners of her eyes.

Outside, a flare of white light lit the sky, a line of fire a few centimeters long. Another ship in the flotilla, returning home. One of the Prince’s escort ships, to be so close. Finally going back, but without many of the sailors she’d brought to the Ring. Families would be waiting for her to bring their loved ones home, only to receive flags, posthumous medals, letters of sympathy. It wouldn’t be enough to fill the holes those lost people left in their lives. It was never enough.

But the ships from Earth, Mars, and the various stations of the outer planets were going home. And they were bringing news of the greatest opportunity humanity had ever been offered. In the midst of all the sadness and tragedy, hope.

Would Nami spend her life at one of those points of light she could see right now? It was possible. Her baby had been born into a world where her parents couldn’t afford to give her a sibling, where she’d have to work two years just to prove to the government she was worth receiving an education. Where resources were rapidly diminishing, and the battle to keep the waste from piling up used more and more of what was left.

But she’d grow up in a world without limits. Where a short trip took you to one of the stars, and the bounty of worlds circling them. Where what job you did or what education you pursued or how many children you had was your choice, not a government mandate.

It was dizzying to think of.

Someone walked into the lounge behind her, their footsteps clicking. “Tilly, I just sent—” Anna started, but stopped when she turned around and saw Hector Cortez.

“Doctor Volovodov,” he said, his tone a mild apology.

“Doctor Cortez,” she replied. The renewed formality between them seemed silly to Anna, but Hector insisted on it. “Please, sit.” She patted the bench next to her.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” he said, sitting and staring out at the stars. Not looking at her. He didn’t look her in the eye anymore.

“Not at all. Just recording a message home and enjoying the view.”

They sat silently for a few moments, watching the stars.

“Esteban lost,” Cortez said, as if they’d been talking about that all along.

“I don’t—Oh, the secretary-general. He did?”

“Nancy Gao is the new SG. You can see Chrisjen Avasarala’s fingerprints all over that one.”

“Who?”

Cortez laughed. It sounded genuine, a nice loud rumble coming up from his belly. “Oh, she would love to hear you say that.”

“Who is she?”

“She’s the politician no one has ever voted for, that runs the UN like her own personal fiefdom and keeps her name out of the press. The fact that she controls your home government and you’ve never heard of her means she’s very, very good.”

“Oh,” Anna said. She was not a political creature. She felt that politics was the second most evil thing humanity had ever invented, just after lutefisk.

There was another long silence. Anna wondered where Tilly was, and if she’d show up and rescue her from the awkwardness of the moment.

“You backed the right horse,” Cortez finally said. “I picked a bad one. I hope you won’t hold that against me. I’ve grown to respect you a great deal, in spite of our differences. I wouldn’t like it if you hated me.”

“I don’t, Hector,” Anna said, taking his hand in both of hers and squeezing it. “Not at all. It was terrible, what we all went through. We all made bad decisions because we were afraid. But you’re a good man. I believe that.”

Cortez gave her a grateful smile and patted her hand. Anna nodded her head at the star field splashed across the wall.

“So many stars,” she said. “Some of them might be ours someday.”

“I wonder,” Hector replied, his voice low and sad. “I wonder if we should have them. God gave man the Earth. He never promised him the stars. I wonder if He’ll follow us out there.”

Anna squeezed his hand again, and then let it go. “The God I believe in is bigger than all of this. Nothing we ever learn can be an attack on Him as long as that’s true.”

Cortez gave a noncommittal grunt.

“I want her to have them,” she said, pointing at the spray of light around her. “My little Nami, I want her to have all of that someday.”

“Whatever she finds out there,” Cortez said, “just remember it’s the future you chose for her.”

His words were full of hope and threat.

Like the stars.