A Shiver of Light

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

DOYLE STOOD UNDER the shade of a huge eucalyptus tree that rose at least thirty feet high and spread out like a canopy. Most eucalyptus didn’t have such a magnificent top, but this one was simply one of the prettiest ones I’d ever seen. Doyle had paced off a circle months ago that started under its shade and then spread out into the bright California sun. That circle of shade and light had become the unarmed combat practice area, because the Red Caps who practiced with the guard were too big to be thrown around inside any room the house could boast, so they got thrown around outside where they couldn’t break things. Though, honestly, most of the guards who practiced with the Red Caps couldn’t throw them around; it was more getting thrown around. The sidhe were quicker and more agile than the biggest of the goblins, but they weren’t stronger.

The white, oversized tank top made a startling contrast with Doyle’s skin, but the fitted exercise shorts were black so that it was almost hard to see them against his long legs. He was dressed like a hundred personal trainers in L. A., but the clothes were the only thing that was ordinary. No other trainer was going to have skin the color of night with purple and blue highlights when the sunlight hit it just right, and the pointed ears and ankle-length braid made him look like some elven prince from a fairy tale trying to blend into a modern gym. If Doyle wasn’t different enough, the circle around him was full of the towering figures of Red Caps.

There were actually more Red Caps than sidhe standing and sitting around the circle. It was a first; the sidhe always outnumbered anyone else. Then one of the sidhe got up from where he’d been sitting on the ground, and the sunlight sparkled across his bare upper body as if he’d been sprinkled with gold dust. I knew that he had yellow and gold blond hair braided tight to his head, because he’d shoved it all up under a thin face mask that covered him from the chin up, leaving only holes for his eyes and mouth. It was far too hot even for the thinnest mask they’d been able to find, but it was the best solution we’d found so far to make sure Aisling’s face wasn’t exposed. He was why there were so few of the sidhe here. The Red Caps feared nothing, so they said, which meant they couldn’t admit to worrying that Aisling’s beauty would bespell them.

Dogmaela and Saraid moved in front of me, turning their backs on the practice and blocking my view entirely. “Princess, you should not be here; none of us should,” Dogmaela said.

“Aisling is one of the people I need to speak with; please move aside.”

“None of the female guard will risk seeing him bare of face, Princess Meredith, and we would be poor bodyguards if we let him bespell you,” Saraid said.

“True love protects from his magic,” I said. “I think you and I will both be safe, Saraid.”

It took her a moment to understand what I’d implied, and then she blushed, which was not something you saw much among the fey. It made me laugh, not at her, but just happy for her and for Uther. He was like the ugly stepsister who had won the beautiful prince, and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

“We are not certain that anything protects from Aisling’s beauty, and he seems to have grown in power since he helped bring the dead gardens back to life,” Dogmaela said.

I remembered that night. Galen and several of the sidhe who had once been vegetative deities had been absorbed into the very trees, rocks, and earth. When they came back out, they’d gained in power, or regained old powers once lost. But Aisling’s sacrifice had been the most spectacular. A tree limb had pierced him through the chest, and he’d hung there. I’d thought he was dead, and then his body had exploded not into flesh, bone, and blood, but into a flock of songbirds that flew out into the garden to be lost in the dead trees. Their songs had been the first life heard in that lost place in centuries. Later Galen and all the rest appeared, melting out of the very walls and floor of the Hallway of Mortality, the queen’s personal torture chamber. The hallway’s cells had opened, and some had dissolved, and there were flowers and trees growing there now.

Aisling had survived all that and come back into more of his powers, or so some of the women believed. Since none of us could risk gazing on his face, I’m not sure any of us knew for certain whether Aisling had gained from his own sacrifice, or if everyone assumed it, because it was so true of the other men that had been taken by faerie and returned to us that night.

“I’ve seen Aisling with his shirt off before, and it hasn’t affected me.”

The two women glanced at each other, and then Dogmaela said, “I would not risk staring at any part of his body without a covering.”

“Hafwen told us what happened when he revealed his face to Melangell.”

I looked down at the dry grass. “I was there, I remember.”

“Melangell clawed her own eyes out, so she would no longer be able to see him,” Dogmaela said.

“I was there,” I snapped at her.

She dropped to one knee, head bowed. “My apologies, Princess Meredith, I did not mean to offend.”

“Get up, Dogmaela; I don’t want any of you to abase yourself like that.”

Saraid said, “Prince Cel expected that and more from us, so forgive us if we still fall back into decades of habit.”

“I forgive you, but Dogmaela, please stand up.”

“I angered you,” she said, head still bowed.

“I regret what happened to Melangell. I didn’t understand what I was asking when I told Aisling to use his magic on her, and a leader should know what a weapon does before using it.”

They both looked at me, Dogmaela still on the ground. They exchanged another glance. It was Saraid who said, “Melangell meant to kill Galen that night. You were within your rights to do what was needed to find out the plan to assassinate you and your consorts.”

“You did nothing wrong,” Dogmaela said. “I just don’t wish to suffer Melangell’s fate by accident.”

“I would not willingly use Aisling’s beauty against anyone ever again.”

“Why not?” Dogmaela asked.

“Because it wasn’t lust that he filled Melangell with, it was love, as if she were forced to be in true love with him all at once, even though they hated each other.” I hugged my arms tight trying to hold myself.

“You feel guilty,” Saraid said, voice full of a soft awe.

“It was a terrible thing to do; why shouldn’t I feel bad?”

They exchanged another look.

“Stop that,” I said.

“Stop what?” they both asked.

“That look, just talk to me. I am not my aunt, or my dead cousin, I am not even my narcissistic mother, or egomaniac great-uncle, or my grandfather, Uar the Cruel; just talk to me, please, and for the love of Goddess, Dogmaela, stand up.”

She got to her feet, started to glance at Saraid again, and then looked at me instead. “Regret is not an emotion we are accustomed to seeing in the royal family.”

“No, they usually enjoy their cruelty,” I said.

“We would never say that to you,” Saraid said.

“I’m saying it, about my own family, but I am not them. I know a few months here doesn’t erase decades of abuse, but I swear to you that I do not take pleasure from causing other people pain, or humiliating them.”

“We believe you mean what you say,” Saraid said.

I smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile. “You believe I mean it now, but you’re wondering when I’ll go crazy like my relatives and change my mind, is that it?”

“Time has taught us caution, Princess, that is all,” Saraid said.

Dogmaela put her hands on her hips and then said, “I fell back into old, unhealthy habits, and I’m sorry for that, Princess Meredith. You deserve better than that, because you have shown yourself to be fair and sane, and … I am sorry.”

I smiled at her. “It’s all right, we’re all learning as we go.”

“That is true,” she said.

“I still don’t want to see Aisling’s bare skin,” Saraid said.

“Nor I,” Dogmaela said.

“Then stand where you can’t see him, but I’m going to speak with Doyle and eventually with Aisling. If you don’t want to guard me while I do that, then you need to find guards to replace you.”

They exchanged another look, and then Dogmaela looked embarrassed and said, “I’m sorry, Princess, it is a very old habit. The other Cranes were the only beings we could look to for help once the queen gave us to her son.”

I thought the phrase was interesting: gave, like you’d give away a possession, or a puppy. You didn’t give people away. It just wasn’t supposed to work that way.

I had to go up on tiptoe to hug her. She stiffened, and didn’t hug me back at first, and then patted my back awkwardly. “I’m so sorry, so very sorry.”

She hugged me back then, and whispered, “Thank you for saving us.”

I drew back with tears threatening in my eyes again. I didn’t like this new emotional me, and really hoped that the hormones would even out and I’d regain more control, but the look on Dogmaela’s face was worth a happy tear or two.

Galen came up to us smiling. He was shirtless, showing his flat stomach and the compact muscle that was underneath every bit of him. He didn’t lift as seriously as Rhys did, and he didn’t do the more extreme nutrition, so his body looked less defined, but wearing only a loose pair of shorts there was no way for him to hide the muscles that were inside all that smooth, pale green skin. Maybe it was being surrounded by so much grass, trees, and plants, but his curls looked very green, that one tiny braid still the only memory of when his hair was almost to his knees.

“Is everything all right?” he asked, reaching his hand out toward me. It was as natural as breathing to take his hand and stand at his side.

“We’re fine,” I said, and leaned into him, going up on tiptoe to meet his kiss.

Dogmaela mumbled, “Fine,” and turned away to hide her own emotions, I think.

“We don’t think it’s safe that the princess be here with Aisling,” Saraid said.

Galen grinned then. “She’s safe enough.”

“I think it’s careless,” Saraid said.

“If you’re in love, really in love, then Aisling’s magic has no power over you,” Galen said.

“The princess told us the old wives’ tale about true love keeping you safe from him,” Saraid said.

“Meredith said that Saraid, you, and she would be safe,” Dogmaela said. She’d wiped quickly at her face, and turned a stony, unreadable face to us, though she was as careful as Saraid not to look toward the practice area.

Galen drew me into his arms, grinning wider. “Then the three of us are safe as houses, but Dogmaela might want to go somewhere else.”

She nodded. “I will, with Meredith’s permission. I have not even an old wives’ tale to keep me safe from the Terrible Beauty of him.”

Aisling had once been called Terrible Beauty, though the Gaelic equivalent of it, and since I didn’t know what country Aisling had started out in, I didn’t know what his original Gaelic name had been. Saying Gaelic was almost like saying Romance language; some were so different from each other.

“You may go, Dogmaela; I think I’m safe enough.” I knew I was smiling, and it was my own version of that stupid-faced, I’m-so-in-love smile.

She darted a glance at Galen, me, and then finally at Saraid. “Are you sure you want to stay?”

Saraid shook her head. “No, I’m not, I …” She glanced at me and then back to her sister guard. There was something close to pain on her face.

“Go, Saraid,” I said. “Go if being near Aisling makes you this uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay,” Galen said, his face sober, worried even. “Merry is in good hands.” He hugged me closer to him, and I wrapped my arms around the slim smoothness of his waist.

“I just don’t want you to think I hold my personal safety above that of the princess. I would lay down my life for her.”

“I believe that, Saraid,” Galen said. “We both do, but this is not life and death.”

“You’re dismissed, Saraid, Dogmaela; now go with my blessing,” I said.

“And mine, if it matters,” Galen said.

“It matters,” Dogmaela said, smiling, a little sadly.

She and Saraid exchanged another glance; then they bowed, arms crossing their chests so their hands rested over their hearts, turned, and left.

“Why do they do that, touching their hearts, do you know?” I asked.

“It was Cel’s idea, to show that he owned not just their bodies but their hearts.”

I looked up at him and must have looked as horrified as I felt.

He hugged me tight against the front of his body, and I pressed my cheek against the warmth of his chest and wrapped my arms tight around his waist, holding on.

“I’m so glad you killed Cel,” Galen whispered against my hair.

“So am I,” I said, breathing in the scent of his skin and the slight dew of sweat, but it wasn’t a masculine smell, it was almost like sweet cut grass.

“Now if you could just kill a few more of your relatives, we could live in peace.”

“The queen is behaving herself,” I said.

“All right, just one of your relatives then,” he said.

I drew back enough to look up into his face. “Since when did you get so bloodthirsty?”

He smiled, but his green eyes were empty of it. “When he hurt you, and then when he tried to sue for visitation rights with our babies. He needs to be dead.”

I hugged him as tight as I could, gazing up at him, studying his face. I didn’t know why, but I was suddenly frightened for him. “Promise me you won’t do anything foolish, Galen.”

“I’m your bodyguard; it’s my job to keep you safe. I’m the father of your children, and a husband in all but name; that gives me all the right I need to do anything to protect or avenge you, my Merry.”

“If the king tries to kidnap me again, then do whatever you can, or want, but just promise me you won’t go off and try to beard the tyrant in his lair, so to speak?”

He kissed me, and I kissed him back, but I studied his face as he drew back from it. “Galen, promise me.”

He smiled at me, fingers tracing the edge of my cheek. “I can’t.”

“Don’t get hurt, or worse, please, Galen. I’ve lost enough people in my life, all right?”

He hugged me tight again, and gave me a little shake. “I love you, Merry, and I love our children. I want to be here for you and them.”

“Then don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

“Me, stupid?” He gave me that look that was charming and self-deprecating, and in that moment I didn’t trust it at all. I was suddenly so afraid for him that my chest was tight with it, as if I couldn’t breathe past it.

“Remember, I don’t want you to die for me, Galen; I want you to live for me.”

He grinned. “I already live for you.”

I would have pushed it, but Doyle yelled a warning, and Galen took me to the ground with him on top of me. I got a glimpse as I was falling backward of one of the Red Caps flying over us, tumbling through the air, before Galen’s chest blocked my view of everything.