A Kiss Before the Apocalypse

Chapter fifteen

Somerville, Massachusetts, 1972

Madeline knew that he wasn't asleep; after fifteen years of being married to Remy, she could tell these things.

They had finished making love a little while ago, but she found that sleep was eluding her as well this cool summer night.

It was dark in their one-bedroom apartment, and the light curtains that hung in front of the window billowed in the night breeze, looking like a ghost from any number of scary movies she'd seen throughout the years.

"Hey," she said, her voice sounding intrusive in the still of the dark.

"Hey back," he answered.

"What's wrong — not sleeping tonight?" Madeline rolled onto her side, throwing her naked leg over her husband's lower body. She snuggled her face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. He smelled faintly of cinnamon and some other spices she couldn't quite remember.

Madeline remembered when she'd first asked him about the aroma, not too long after he'd told her what he was… had been.

He'd told her that that was just how angels smelled.

It was fine by her; it reminded her of fall in New England which was her favorite time of year. Madeline kissed his neck.

"What's your story?" he asked. "I'm not keeping you up, am I? I could go in the living room and read if…»

She patted his muscular chest. "Shhhhhhh," she told him. "It's all right, I just can't seem to sleep either."

The room momentarily returned to quiet.

"Want to fool around again?" she asked him, taking the skin of his neck in her teeth.

Remy chuckled, putting his arm around her and pulling her closer to him. She never felt as safe as she did when he held her.

"I was just about ready to put myself to sleep when I made the mistake of listening."

For a second she didn't understand, but then remembered that Remy still retained the gifts of his kind, the ability to hear those praying to their gods.

"Did you hear something that bothered you?" she asked.

"Worse," he said. "I heard something that made me think."

"What was it?"

"It was a guy, older guy from the sound of his voice, whose wife is dying. He was begging God to help, promising anything just so that his wife wouldn't die."

"That's sad."

"Yeah, it is, and it made me think of us… of you, and what if…"

Remy gently moved her over and sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

"Hey," Madeline said consolingly. She hugged him from behind, liking the feeling of her bare breasts pressing against the warmth of his back. "I'm fine, nothing's wrong with me. No need to think this way."

She kissed his shoulder blade and hugged him tighter.

"But I do need to think that way. I'm not like you, Madeline, and no matter how much I want to be, I never will be like you."

"Don't talk like that, please," she said. "You're my husband and I love you very much, and I don't want you to ever forget that. Yeah, you're different. So what? My girlfriend Ginny's husband is Armenian. Big frig-gin' deal."

Remy turned around on the bed, taking her into his arms. He brought his face down and kissed her long and passionately on the mouth, both their tongues hungrily searching out each other's.

He broke their kiss and looked lovingly into her eyes. In the dark his eyes had a golden glint, the flecks of color reflecting in the faint light of the bedroom.

"Hearing that man's prayers," he said, his voice an emotional whisper. "It reminded me of how fragile you are."

Madeline couldn't remember the last time she had seen her husband so upset. She pulled him close, wrapping her arms around him, a bandage to his emotional wounds.

"I don't want you to think about that stuff," she said, running her hands through his hair.

He started to protest, but she brought her lips around, placing them firmly over his in a kiss that forced him to be silent.

Remy broke her lock upon his mouth, again looking into her gaze.

"I just don't know what I would do if…»

She didn't want to hear it anymore, and using all her strength, forced the man she loved back down onto the bed and crawled naked atop him before he could even think about escaping her.

"There are other things to think about now," she said, grinding her lower body into his, feeling him respond.

His hands drew her down to him, and they kissed.

Within moments, they were making fevered love again, their cries and moans of pleasure drowning out the prayers of the needy traveling in the night.

She looked so frail.

Remy stood beside his wife's bed, watching her as she slept.

Her eyes slowly came open, as if somehow alerted to his presence, and she turned her head upon the pillow, looked at him, and smiled.

"Hey," she said, her voice no stronger than a whisper.

"Hey," he said back, moving closer to her bedside. He reached out, taking her hand in his. Again he was disturbed by how cold it felt, how artificial the skin that he had kissed and adored every inch of felt beneath his touch.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, bending down to place a kiss upon her brow. He regretted the stupid question as soon as it left his lips.

"Been better," she said, closing her eyes with an exhausted sigh.

The wind moaned outside, throwing the rain violently against the window.

"Listen to that," she said. "Still pretty bad out?"

"Yeah," he said. "No sign of letting up either."

"It'll make the flowers grow," she said, smiling with her eyes closed, forever the optimist.

He squeezed her hand in response. She loved the springtime, the flowers in bloom. It was like a knife to his heart to think that she had seen her last.

"Always liked nights like this," she said, turning her head to look up at him. "Sitting on the couch, curled up under a blanket, watching something… anything on TV, no matter how good or bad. It was good…just being there with you."

The pain was excruciating, like nothing he'd ever felt before. He'd thought about this pain, what it would be like, and never imagined the full fury of its strength.

He would have taken the burning pain of his true form asserting itself repeatedly over the next seven years instead of having to endure this now.

"You look awful," she said, weakly squeezing his fingers in return. "At least I have an excuse."

He didn't know how much to say, how much to tell her.

"It's obvious that you haven't found him yet," Madeline said. "Because I'm still here."

Remy didn't get sick; it wasn't possible for him, but he certainly felt sick then, everything about him breaking down. He felt as though he were dying.

Dying along with her.

"I'm close," he said. "I… I think it might be done today."

Something broke loose within his chest, something jagged and sharp, spinning around inside, ripping him to bloody bits.

"That's a good thing," she said.

He stared at her with panicked eyes. Everything he had feared was coming true, as if he were being punished.

Penance for my sins.

"It is," she said to him firmly. "I'm tired, Remy, tired of fighting to keep this poor old body afloat. I'm done now. I've had my life… my greatest love. I can leave satisfied."

His eyes burned like pieces of the sun jammed into the fleshy sockets, but he did not cry. He never could cry.

It was the only human aspect he could not surrender to. It would have hurt far too much to be that human, and he was unsure if he was that strong.

"Do this for me, Remy Chandler," she said. "One last thing to show how much you love me."

He brought her hand… her poor, cold hand that had once pulsed with so much love, to his mouth and laid his lips upon it. "Anything for you," he said, eyes afire.

"Find him," Madeline said, her voice growing progressively weaker. "Put things back the way they're supposed to be."

Her face twisted up slightly, and he knew that she was in pain. And it killed him to know that there was nothing that he could do to take it away.

Except.

He reached down to her, gently taking her frail form into his arms, and he saw his life with her flash before the theater of his mind. Such a short, wonderful life they had shared, and he wouldn't have traded it for anything.

"I have to go now," he said to her.

Madeline swallowed, a dry click in her throat. Her eyes had closed, but she forced them open. "Tell the baby that I love him very much… but that I have to go, and that I'll miss him. Will you do that for me?"

He nodded, his body feeling as though it would simply dissolve, everything that he was disintegrating to dust and blowing away on the wind.

"I will," he said.

"Try to make him understand, I… I don't want him to be mad."

"He won't be mad," Remy told her. "He'll miss you very much… I'll…»

His voice wouldn't work; it had rotted away, silencing him.

"You have to go," she said, and she pulled her hand feebly away. Madeline closed her eyes, turning her face so as not to look at him. "I'm ready, and so are you."

He leaned forward again, placing his lips upon her head.

"I love you, Madeline Chandler," he said, finding his voice again.

"And I you, Remy Chandler," his wife said, turning her face so that their lips could touch again. "My love… myangel."

And he knew at that moment, if Madeline were able, she would have left the world right then, surrendering what little life remained in her fragile form, ascending to become part of the stuff that composed the universe.

But she couldn't.

She was asleep again as he stepped back from her bed, remembering this last sad sight of her, before turning toward the door.

Francis stood respectfully in the entry, hands folded, bald head bowed.

He slowly lifted his face to look at Remy. "Are we ready?" the former Guardian angel asked.

"Yeah," Remy said, the plaintive cries of imprisoned souls urging him on to the last leg of his journey.

"We all are."