A Hard Day's Knight

EIGHT Kings and Queens and Worlds Without End

King Arthur lunged forward and embraced his stepbrother Kae, who hugged him fiercely back; and the two men stamped back and forth like two great bears, saying each other’s names over and over again. They beat each other about the shoulders, called each other names, and generally carried on like the alpha males they were. Eventually, they let go, and Kae introduced me to Arthur. The once-and-future King towered over me, every bit as large and real and intimidating as he should have been, and I stuck out my hand because I was damned if I was going to do the kneeling-and-bowing bit again. Arthur grinned cheerfully and clasped my forearm with his huge hand, in the old style. It was like being gripped by a mechanical press.

“So! You brought Excalibur to me, John Taylor. I owe you my thanks, and all my duty. I would not be here now were it not for you and the many travails you have endured. Call on me for anything, and it shall be yours.”

“It was an honour,” I said, and I meant it.

Arthur let go of my arm, and turned his great smile on Suzie. I took the moment to massage some feeling back into my arm. Arthur had the sense not to try to take Suzie by the arm. She still didn’t like to be touched by strangers. Instead, he bowed courteously to her, and she nodded respectfully in return. Arthur then turned to Alex and looked on him thoughtfully for a moment.

“You’re of Merlin’s line, aren’t you? I can see it in you. Merlin was always a good friend to me; I trust you will be, too.”

Alex, surprisingly, went all bashful on being addressed by the legendary King, and smiled and nodded quickly. Arthur looked round him, taking in the grim and gloomy stone cellar.

“I have been here too long, sleeping in my grave. Not dead, only sleeping, and all the time ... dreaming history. I know all that matters of the years that have passed, while I waited to be awakened and set to work again. So many wars ... In my day I fought to put an end to war, but then, I suppose everyone does. And I have dreamed of such progress, such wonders, so many marvellous creations. I have seen the rise of Science, seen the human imagination given form and substance through incredible machines. I never knew such things were possible. But now I have returned. Tell me why I have been awakened at this time, Kae. What is the work that waits for me?”

“You’re needed, Arthur,” said Kae. “To do something only you can do.”

“Same old story,” said Arthur. “People always placed too much faith in me and not nearly enough in themselves.” He shrugged and looked suddenly at Kae. “How is it that you are still here, Kae, after all these centuries? Did Merlin put you to sleep, too?”

“No,” said Kae. “I had to go the long way round to get here, walking through the centuries day by day, waiting for you. Bastard sorcerer made me immortal.”

Kae started to explain what Merlin had done, but Arthur cut him off with a curt gesture.

“The past doesn’t matter. I am here, and I will do what needs to be done. I will save the day, one more time, because that’s what I do. So where exactly am I? My dreams only covered the high spots; many details were left vague.”

“You’re in the cellars under Strangefellows, in the Nightside,” said Alex.

Arthur grimaced. “The Nightside? What the hell am I doing in that disgraceful shit hole?”

Kae smiled briefly. “Where better to hide the resting place of the noble Arthur?”

Arthur growled, deep in his throat. “Merlin always did have too much irony in his blood. What is my trial this time, Kae? Does it hopefully include burning down the entire Nightside and putting its sinful inhabitants to the sword?”

“Wait just a minute,” I said.

“Worse than that,” said Kae, ignoring me. “It’s the elves.”

“Oh bloody hell,” said King Arthur. “Of course. It would have to be. It’s always the bloody elves. What are they up to this time?”

“They threaten civil war, which would devastate the Earth and wipe out Humanity.”

“Civil war?” said Arthur. “That’s new. In our day, they fought everyone except themselves. Who leads the factions in this age?”

“Queen Mab of the Sundered Lands, versus King Oberon and Queen Titania of Shadows Fall,” I said. “But before we go any further, I want it properly understood that the Nightside is my home, and it is not a shit hole. Well, all right, some of it is; but it is still a place worth defending and the people worth preserving. Mostly.”

I hadn’t realised quite how fiercely I’d spoken, until I noticed how quiet it got when I stopped. Kae looked to Arthur, who nodded slowly to me.

“Your pardon, John Taylor. It seems I have been away so long I have forgotten my manners. No doubt the Nightside has changed much since my time.”

“Not that much,” said Kae.

“But it must have changed some, to produce a man like John Taylor, worthy to bear Excalibur,” Arthur said firmly. “The elves are the enemy now, so let us concentrate on them. I remember Mab, of course. Magnificent creature. Such a shame, what happened between her and Tam O’Shanter.” He saw the blank look on our faces. “I see that not all the tales from my time have survived the ages. Very well; I had not been long on the Throne of England, when it seemed to both Merlin and to me that I needed a Queen at my side, and especially one who would help unite my fractured land. So we settled on Queen Mab of the Fae, in the hope that such a union would put an end to the long enmity between Man and elf, and allow me to concentrate my armies on the lesser human foes that threatened my new-won land.

“Queen Mab let it be known that she was not entirely opposed to the idea; and so I sent an envoy to the Fae, to work out the details. A certain young man, new-come to my Court, one Tam O’Shanter. Not a knight as yet, but he aspired to be one and had already made his name famous throughout the land through many deeds of daring and chivalry. So I gave him this task, to prove himself worthy. Thinking also, that since he was not an actual Knight of the Round Table, and had never drawn a sword against the elves, the Unseelie Court might find it easier to accept him. He was supposed to win them over, with his charm and devil-may-care attitude, so much like theirs. He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with the Queen; and she wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him.

“It all went wrong so very quickly. They must have known their love was impossible, that it could never be accepted, but that only made them declare it all the more openly. A Queen must marry a King; that is the way of it. Tam, my brave young Tam, duelled with an elf who challenged the Queen over her choice, and killed him. And then that elf’s brothers killed Tam, in honour’s name. And that ... was that. Mab was never the same afterwards. She grew increasingly ... strange, even for an elf, and broke off all contact with Camelot.

“I’ve never had much luck with women.

“King Oberon and Queen Titania, you say ... Can’t say I recognise the names, but the only contact I had with elves after Mab’s rejection was killing enough of them to put them in their place. They had to be stamped on, hard, so I could be free to deal with human enemies. And even that went wrong. I spent so long on the move, away from Camelot, fighting my battles all over England, that my people came to believe I didn’t care about them any more. That’s how Mordred was able to raise his army. And the land I made was split apart by civil war. Always the worst kind, that sets brother against brother. And father against son.”

He stood there a while, his gaze far away, and none of us said anything. We were in the presence of history and legend, something greater even than the Nightside was used to. Eventually, Arthur shrugged off the past and looked directly at Kae.

“So, brother, what have you been doing, all these years?”

Kae explained quickly how he had fashioned the London Knights, to protect the people and keep King Arthur’s dream alive. Arthur nodded, and cut him off again.

“Who better to keep a dream alive than the man who inspired it? Brothers, together, fighting for what is right.”

“Can I ask?” I said. “Very respectfully, of course, but ... Why do we need King Arthur, specifically, to stop the elves? I could name any number of people in the Nightside who’ve fought angels, gods, and other-dimensional entities. Myself included.”

“Right,” said Suzie. “Elves die as easily as anyone else. If you aim properly.”

“But only Arthur can stop the fighting before it starts,” said Kae. “He was the only one the elves ever respected, and feared enough, to listen to. They often came to him at Camelot to sort out their disagreements when they couldn’t do it themselves. Mab and Oberon and Titania will listen to you, Arthur. They will recognise your authority and your impartiality.”

“And my willingness to kill the whole lot of them if I can’t get them to see sense,” said King Arthur.

“That, too,” said Kae.

“I like him,” said Suzie.

“My knights are ready and waiting, to do what is necessary,” said Kae. “At your command, of course.”

“They’re your knights, Kae,” said Arthur.

“Then command me, Sire,” said Kae.

“Where is Merlin?” Arthur said suddenly. “He knows the Fae better than anyone; we could use his advice. I did think he’d be here, waiting to greet me, when I came up out of the grave he put me in.”

“Merlin is dead and gone,” I said. I looked at Kae. Neither of us had anything more we felt like saying.

“Damn,” said Arthur. “He always had the best ideas.”

We showed him the other grave, and he stood beside it. “Yes, he was here. I can feel it.” He knelt, surprisingly gracefully for a man in full armour, and trailed the fingers of one hand through the grave dirt. “Merlin, couldn’t you wait for me, old friend?”

And then he stood up abruptly and stepped back, as his touch triggered a message left behind by the grave’s occupant. Merlin appeared before us, a vision of a man long dead, floating on the air above his own burial place. But this Merlin looked young and in his prime, and very much alive. How he saw himself, perhaps. He grinned easily, his hands planted on his hips, as though he’d pulled off the best trick in the world. He looked straight at King Arthur, as though he could somehow see him, even across the years. And given who and what he was, perhaps he could.

“Arthur,” he said, his voice seeming to come from a long way away, “one last confer, before I lay me down to rest in the grave that’s waiting for me. There are things I know, things I have Seen, of the world that’s coming. It isn’t what either of us thought it would be, but then, that’s life for you. Welcome to the future, Arthur. You won’t like it. But don’t let it get to you. The details may change, but people are still people. Unfortunately. Stick to the job in hand, and you’ll be fine.”

“They say the elves will war upon themselves unless I can find a way to stop them,” said Arthur. “How am I supposed to reason with the most contrary people that ever were? What if I can’t find a common ground for them?”

Merlin smiled briefly, as though he’d heard every word. “Then raise up the armies of Man, Arthur, and lead them in a war against the elves. Wipe them out, down to the last of their kind. There is no other option.”

Arthur shook his head stubbornly. “I have seen enough of war, and extinction, down the centuries. I have dreamed history, and much of it was a nightmare. I have fought elves in my time, it was my duty as defender of my people; but I never wanted to see them gone from the world. They had many fine qualities. They were beautiful and brave, magical and marvellous. They were glorious in their day.”

Merlin smiled. “You always were the wise one, Arthur. Do as you think best, my King. You always did. Good-bye, old friend. Good-bye.”

And he was gone. One last vision, of a man who was so much more and less than he could have been.

“Good-bye, Merlin,” said Arthur. “May you know peace, at last.” He turned abruptly away from the open grave to face the rest of us. “Merlin did his best to teach me some simple magics, when I was younger and he was older, though I confess I was never a very attentive student. But I did learn a few useful things. I think it is my turn to show you a vision, my friends, of the elves that were.”

He moved his left hand through a series of sudden, abrupt gestures, and a great vista opened up before us. The end of the cellars faded away, replaced by a great green expanse that stretched away to a distant horizon. A huge, dark, primordial forest stood out against the skyline, shadowy and secretive, mysterious and menacing. Untamed. A vision of old England as it was in Arthur’s day. Standing between us and the forest was a great elven city: tall towers connected by delicate walkways, gold and silver buildings, shining bright in the sunlight, with vast glowing domes and wide-open chambers, all of it magnificent to the eye. The lines were smooth and flowing, more organic than constructed, grown more than built. The whole city sparkled in the clear light, looking like every fairy tale we ever believed in as children. Breath-stoppingly beautiful, alive and protective, in a way few human cities ever are. Beside the city lay a great natural open harbour, where massive elven sailing ships lay at rest, so intricately made and fashioned that they were works of art in their own right.

The city was full of life, of elves walking in majesty and glory, with a simple grace that Humanity could never manage. They were nothing like the elves I’d known—beatendown remnants of a once-noble race. There was magic in their every movement and a dignity that bordered on arrogance. Their emotions were larger and purer than ours, and so their faults were greater, too. They were not so different from us, really. The elves ... were Humanity writ large, with all our virtues and our faults magnified. They moved like walking dreams that could become nightmares.

Other magical creatures accompanied them—whole clouds of wee winged fairies, flashing through the air, shooting back and forth in patterns too complicated for the human eye to follow, leaving behind them shimmering trails of pure joy. Winged unicorns, of a white so bright it was blinding, flying gracefully down to graze on the great green pastures. There were gryphons and cockatrices and gargoyles, moving openly, with no fear of human hunters. There were trolls and ogres and darker shapes I didn’t even recognise, gone from history so long that not even their names remained. They bowed respectfully to the elves, who moved amongst them unconcerned.

And then the marvellous scene was gone, the stone cavern abruptly back again. It felt like waking from a dream of something wonderful, lost. Arthur lowered his hand, looking tired.

“The elves were worth saving, then,” said Arthur. “Perhaps they can become worth saving again. Honour requires I give them that chance.”

“Never did share your enthusiasm for the pointy-eared bastards,” said Kae. “They did things no human being would ever do and gloried in it.”

“They were different,” said Arthur.

“And Mab was a monster!”

“Grief and loss of her only true love drove her mad,” Arthur said flatly. “I sent Tam to her; so part of everything that happened after that is down to me. She never got over Tam’s death; and immortals have so much longer to grieve than us. Her rage against the fate that took him became a rage against the world, and all who lived in it. I have known grief and loss, too.”

“It didn’t make you into a monster,” said Kae.

“It might have,” said Arthur. “You never did realise how close I came, after I lost Guinevere.” He shook his great head again. “There’s been too much killing. There’s only one way to stop this coming civil war amongst the elves; and that’s to find them a new home. All of them. I have dreamed the elves’ sad history. They are stagnating in Shadows Fall and dying in the Sundered Lands the Droods found for them. Perhaps that’s why the Droods chose it. Always were a bunch of devious bastards. No—both sides need to move to a new world, where they can thrive and prosper again, far from humanity.”

“Is this ... really such a good idea, Arthur?” said Kae, trying hard to sound tactful. “A new, revitalised elven race could be an even greater threat to Humanity. For all your ... dreams, I don’t think you realise exactly how far the elves have fallen. There’s nothing left in them but bitterness and hate for everything human. They live to screw us over because that’s all they’ve got left. Only this day, an army of elves broke into my castle and killed dozens of my good knights, simply because they could!”

“And how many of them did you kill, Kae?” said Arthur. “The killing has to stop sometime.”

“You always were a dreamer,” growled Kae.

“And sometimes I make dreams come true,” said Arthur. “Isn’t that why you founded the London Knights, to keep my dream alive?”

“I don’t know why I ever argue with you,” said Kae. “You always could talk rings round me.”

“Kae, even Gawaine could talk rings round you. And he only had fifty words, thirty of which were arse.”

They both got the giggles, which was somewhat incongruous for such large men.

“I can find the elves a new world,” I said, thinking quickly, and they both stopped laughing to look at me. I did my best to sound calm and composed. “There is an establishment here in the Nightside, with many Doors, that lead to every place you ever dreamed of. Doorways to all the worlds that ever were or may be, worlds without end. And one Door in particular leads to a world I think would be perfect for the elves. As long as we’re careful to bolt the Door firmly behind them. If I lead you to such a Door, Arthur, can you persuade the elves to go through it?”

“The returned King’s authority should be enough to summon both sides to parley,” said Kae. “Always assuming a suitable neutral ground can be found.”

“Again, I have a place in mind,” I said. “I’ve been there before, and it’s probably the one place that would impress the shit out of both sides.”

“Good!” said Arthur. “Now, for the sake of all that’s good and holy, let us leave this dismal and unpleasant place!”

“Best idea I’ve heard yet,” said Alex. “Come on up to the bar. Drinks are on me.”

“Ah!” said Arthur, beaming. “Best idea I’ve heard so far.”

Alex led the way back to the stone steps. I moved in beside him.

“Can’t help noticing you were a bit quiet back there.”

“What is there to say?” said Alex. “That’s King bloody Arthur!”

He had a point. But I’ve never believed in being over-impressed. Especially not by the good guys.

Up in the bar itself, Arthur took a good look round, and wasn’t immediately impressed. The few remaining customers took one look at him and decided to leave right then before the trouble started. Alex moved quickly behind the bar and set about dispensing drinks. Back in his usual position of authority, he was immediately much more at ease, and a lot of his usual caustic manner returned. He even told Kae off for leaning on the wooden bar top in his armour and leaving scratches. Arthur eyed the bar-stools dubiously, and decided to stand. I couldn’t help noticing that Suzie was being even quieter than usual and keeping a watchful eye on Arthur.

Before anyone could think to warn him, Arthur reached out to pet Alex’s vulture, Agatha, still squatting balefully on top of the till. He rubbed her head and chucked her under the chin, talking cheerful nonsense to her, and to everyone’s surprise the bird sat there and let him do it. She actually looked bashfully at Arthur, and fluttered her eyelashes at him. Anyone else, she’d have had his hand off at the wrist.

“Arthur’s always had a way with the beasts and the birds,” said Kae. “Never would go hunting with me.”

“Barbarian sport,” Arthur said briskly. “Killing for necessity is one thing. You’re not supposed to enjoy it.”

He studied the ranks of drinks available behind the bar and beamed happily. “We never had anything like this in my day, did we, Kae? Mead and uisge, and wines that were always half-way towards vinegar. This looks much more interesting. I want lots of drinks, and I want them now. Start pouring, bartender; I have it in me to try at least one of everything. Nothing like sleeping fifteen hundred years to work up a real thirst.”

We all looked on, suitably impressed, as Arthur knocked back the drinks as fast as Alex could produce them, to no obvious effect. Kae smiled proudly, though I noticed he made no attempt to keep up with Arthur. I sipped at a wormwood brandy, to be sociable, while Suzie barely touched her bottle of Gordon’s Gin. She was still watching Arthur carefully. After a while, Arthur belched loudly, stretched as unselfconsciously as any cat, and looked at all the empty glasses racked up before him.

“Don’t suppose there’s anything to eat here, is there?”

“I wouldn’t,” I said quickly.

Alex glared at me. “I’m sure I could find something ...”

“That’s what worries me,” I said. “A somewhat merry King Arthur is one thing; a King full of killer E coli, bent over a toilet when he should be out saving the world, is quite another.”

Alex sulked. “It’s been days since we had a real case of food poisoning.”

“What about that nun who exploded?”

“Coincidence!”

Kae got Arthur really excited over the concept of cocktails, so I moved off down the bar and left them to it. I paused a moment to murmur in Suzie’s ear.

“Why are you keeping such a close eye on King Arthur? He’s saying all the right things.”

“They always do,” said Suzie. “You of all people should know that legends rarely turn out who you expect them to be.”

“But this is King Arthur! If you can’t give someone like him the benefit of the doubt ...”

“I have,” said Suzie. “I haven’t shot him yet.”

“But can’t you ... well, just feel the nobility pouring off the man?”

“I’ve never trusted my feelings,” said Suzie.

I moved even further down the bar, took out my mobile phone, and contacted the Authorities, to find out what had been going on in the Nightside in my absence. I got put straight through to Julien Advent.

“Where the hell have you been, Taylor? All hell’s breaking loose in the Nightside!”

“It always is,” I said.

“Not like this! You’d better come straight to me, so we can talk.”

“Okay. Where are you?”

“You’ve got Walker’s old watch. He programmed it to bring him right to me, in times of need. Open it and say my name, and it’ll lock on and bring you here.”

He hung up on me. I took the gold watch out of my pocket and looked at it thoughtfully. I had to wonder what else Walker might have programmed into it. He always was a great believer in little surprises, and leaving nasty booby-traps for the unsuspecting. I looked back down the bar at the others.

“I have to pop out for a minute. Arthur, don’t touch the bar snacks. Suzie, don’t let Alex put any of this on my bill. I’ll be back soon, then we can set about stopping the elf civil war and saving all Humanity if you’re not too busy.”

“There’s time,” said Arthur expansively. “If there’s one thing sleeping for centuries teaches you, it’s that there’s always time. Now, Sir Alex, more of that peach brandy, I think. Yes. I like the peach brandy. Off you go, John Taylor. Don’t mind us. Lots of drinking still to do. Never face an elf sober; they’ll just take advantage.”

I opened up the gold watch and got the hell out of Strangefellows before I said something someone might regret.

The Portable Timeslip delivered me straight to Julien Advent, dropping me off right on the top of Griffin Hill. I arrived standing on the edge of the great pit where Griffin Hall had once stood, before the Devil himself appeared to drag it down into Hell, along with the Griffin himself and his awful wife. He really should have known better than to make a deal for immortality. No matter how good a contract you have, the Devil is always in the details. I turned my back on the pit, and looked down the long, sloping hillside that led eventually to the Nightside city streets. The strange primordial jungle was still there, still horribly alive and active, thrashing violently as parts of it went to war with the rest. One of these days, the jungle is going to advance down the hill and march on the Nightside, and it will take a lot more than weed-killer to stop it.

I’d put my money on industrial-strength flame-throwers and napalm.

Julien Advent had his back to me, looking out over the Nightside streets, but I had no doubt he knew I was there. The great Victorian Adventurer had been dodging assailants and assassins for longer than I’d been alive. He could spot a ninja in a darkened room two houses away. I moved over to join him.

“Hello, John,” he said, not looking round. “So good of you to join me at such short notice. Hell of a view from up here.”

“Why are we here?” I said. “You know this place has bad memories for me.”

“This is where Walker died, isn’t it?” he said, still not looking at me.

“Yes,” I said. “He tried to kill me. I had no choice.”

“Did he die well?”

I thought about it. “He died in character,” I said finally. “He was himself, right to the very end.”

Julien shrugged. “I suppose that’s the best any of us can hope for. Look out there, John. Look what they’ve done to the Nightside.”

I looked down at the city, that great sprawl of blazing streets and hot neon. The night was full of fires and explosions, strangely coloured flames and magical flare-ups. Buildings were burning like bale-fires in the night, and every now and again an entire block would vanish, to be replaced by something worse. I watched barricaded holdouts detonate, sending burning shrapnel up into the night sky like so many fireworks. There were vivid lights and horrid sounds, and here and there certain landmarks quietly disappeared, running off to hide in some safer dimension.

“The elves have come to the Nightside,” said Julien Advent. “A whole army of the vicious little bastards, bursting out of new and old Timeslips, all across the city. I didn’t know there were so many elves left in the world. They’re killing everyone they encounter, butchering and slaughtering, and laughing all the while. I’ve got all of my people out on the streets, doing what they can; but things are bad down there. Almost as bad as the wars you started.”

“I did not start the Angel War, or the Lilith War,” I said, a bit tetchily. “I wish people would stop saying that.”

“If it quacks like a duck, stick an orange up its bum,” Julien said vaguely. “The elves are killing people, apparently to get themselves in the mood for their coming civil war. A chance to stretch their muscles and try out new weapons. They have a lot of new weapons, John—magical and scientific. Awful weapons, doing awful things. The elves are running wild in our streets, simply for the fun of it, looting ancient treasures and objects of power, and anything else that catches their eyes. We have to stop them, John. While we still can.”

“Do we know whose elves they are?” I said. “Which faction they belong to?”

“Does it really matter?” said Julien, looking at me for the first time.

“It might. We’ve always been able to negotiate with Oberon and Titania. Mab ... is another matter since she returned from Hell.”

“We don’t know whose elves they are,” said Julien. “They’re not interested in talking to us. The rest of the Authorities are down there now, fighting to regain control of the streets. Jessica Sorrow is walking up and down the Nightside, disbelieving in the elves till they disappear. The Unbeliever may be on our side now, but she still scares the crap out of me. Annie Abattoir has been using some really nasty magics, some so bad they even shocked the elves. And Larry Oblivion has been using his magic wand to good effect. Yes, I know about that. Please don’t tell him I know; it would only upset him. He likes to think he can keep things secret from me. And Count Video and King of Skin are working together, for once, doing really horrible things to all those elves who don’t get out of their way fast enough.

“They aren’t alone. I have a lot of people down there, fighting for control of the streets. But we’ve been through so much, lately, John; we’re all tired and worn-out. By the time we gain the upper hand and drive the elves from the Nightside, I’m not sure how much of the Nightside will be left. We’re still rebuilding from the last two wars. We’re not as resilient as we used to be.

“I should be down there with them, leading and inspiring the troops. But I wanted to talk to you first. They say ... you have Excalibur.”

“I did have,” I said. “I handed it over to the returned King Arthur. He’s back, Julien. King Arthur has come back to us.”

“Any other day, that news would have gladdened my heart beyond measure,” said Julien. “But what can one man, even such a man, do against a whole army of elves?”

“Well,” I said, “he may not have an army of his own, but he knows a man who does. In fact, I’ve had a really good idea. Do what you can to buy me some time, Julien; and I’ll come back with reinforcements that will really make your eyes pop.”

“Taylor!” said Julien, as I flipped open the gold pocket-watch. “Don’t you dare disappear on me! You’re the Walker now!”

But I was already on my way, back to Strangefellows.

When I reappeared in the bar, Kae was leading everyone in a really quite appalling drinking song, “’Twas on the Good Ship Venus.” Complete with hand gestures. Arthur looked like he was having the time of his life. Alex was beating out the rhythm of the song on the bar top with both hands. Suzie was doing her best to join in, even though she has a singing voice like a goose farting in a fog. Even the vulture was dancing excitedly on top of the till.

I did my best to get them all to shut up and pay attention, but when that failed, I had no choice but to give Suzie one of our little secret signals. She immediately stopped singing, drew the shotgun from its holster on her back, and fired both barrels into the air. The song cut off abruptly in mid verse. In the sudden silence, bits of the ceiling fell down. Arthur and Kae swung round to face me, their hands on the swords at their sides. Alex hid behind the bar, and the vulture hid behind the till. I gave Arthur my best I-mean-business glare.

“The elves have come to the Nightside. They’re out there right now, killing people, while you’re having a party. And these are not the elves you remember so fondly, Arthur. They’re hunting and butchering people for the sport of it.”

“Then we must stop them,” Arthur said immediately. “Kill them all for daring to war on Mankind. And to send whoever may be behind this invasion a very definite message. It’s always best to negotiate from a position of strength and vindictiveness. Kae, are your London Knights ready for battle?”

“Always,” said Kae. “Simply say the word, Sire.”

“The word is given, my brother. If the elves want war, we shall show them what war really is.”

“But I have to get back to Castle Inconnu, to raise my army,” said Kae. “And we don’t have time to go by any of the usual routes.”

Everyone looked at me.

“The Portable Timeslip won’t take us past all the protections you’ve put in place,” I said. “Which means, we’re going to have to ask a certain someone for help. A certain individual with a great many Doors ...”

“Oh bloody hell,” said Suzie. “Not the Doormouse again.”

Arthur gave me a hard look. “Am I to understand we have to beg assistance from a mouse?”

“He’s a very nice mouse,” I said.

Kae was already grinning broadly. “Oh, I think you’re going to like this one, Arthur.”

The Portable Timeslip took all of us to the Doormouse’s excellent establishment. Alex stayed behind, to lock up and barricade the bar against any passing elves who might decide they had a bit of a thirst on. The rest of us appeared right outside the shop, and Arthur looked round interestedly. He’d never seen the Nightside itself before. Half the street-lights had been smashed, and a few dead bodies lay here and there; but otherwise, it was pretty quiet. Many of the shops were closed and boarded up, but the neon lights still blazed brightly. It could have been just another Saturday night. Arthur sniffed.

“A bit gaudy, for my tastes.” He looked round sharply as a whole building at the end of the street exploded. His hand went to Excalibur on his hip.

“Let’s get the army first,” I said quickly. “And, let’s get inside before anyone sees us.”

“I do not run from the enemy,” Arthur said sharply.

“You do if they outnumber you thousands to one,” said Kae.

“Oh well, in that case,” said Arthur. “Good to see you stayed awake during some of my strategy classes, Kae.”

“You were a rotten teacher, Arthur. Rotten. And I really hated those snap tests.”

“They were good for you.”

“So is cod-liver oil.”

“Do they still use that?”

I glared them both into silence, then led the way into the shop. It hadn’t changed. The Doormouse came bustling cheerfully forward again, doing up the front of his white coat and checking that his pens were lined up in the proper order in his top pocket. Then he saw Suzie and me and stopped dead in his tracks. He made the sign of the extremely cross and started to say something really cutting; but then he saw King Arthur and Kae in their armour, and ran out of breath. His large brown eyes grew even larger, his back straightened, his long whiskers twitched excitedly ... and then he charged forward and threw himself into Arthur’s arms. The Doormouse hugged him tightly and rubbed his furry face against Arthur’s.

“It’s you! It’s really you! You’ve come back, you’ve come back! We’ve been waiting so long for your return, Your Majesty! I mean, I’m just an old hippy in a mouse body, but I’ve read every book about you I could find. And seen all the films! Welcome back, King Arthur!”

The Doormouse pressed his fuzzy face against Arthur’s breast-plate and looked up at him adoringly. Arthur clung to what was left of his dignity.

“Does anyone happen to know whether this mouse I’m holding is male or female?”

The Doormouse let go immediately and scurried backwards to bow repeatedly. “Sorry! Sorry! Got carried away there, a bit. Sometimes I can’t help feeling I’d have been better off as a badger. They handle their emotions so much more properly. King Arthur, what brings you to my humble establishment? Everything I have is yours! Except you can’t actually take anything with you, of course. The Doors don’t move. As such. Am I babbling? It feels like I’m babbling, and that big scary woman is growling at me again.”

“Do you, by any chance, happen to have a Door that will transport us inside Castle Inconnu?” I said.

“Oh poo,” said the Doormouse, his whiskers drooping. “Someone told you.”

“It’s hard to keep a secret in the Nightside,” I said. “Though actually I was guessing. Jerusalem Stark had to get those elves into the castle somehow, and your Doors seemed the safest bet.”

The Doormouse sighed. “Knew that one would come back to bite me on my furry arse. In my defence, he did pay me an awful lot of money.”

Kae glared at the Doormouse. “You created a secret backdoor into Castle Inconnu?”

“I build Doors for people,” the Doormouse said quickly. “What use they put them to is none of my business. I’m only a craftsman. Craftsmouse.”

“You’re about to be a dead craftsmouse,” said Kae. “You’ll make an excellent rug for my office.”

“No, Kae,” said Arthur. “He has agreed to help us. Haven’t you, Sir Mouse?”

Kae was still glaring. “Where’s the Door?”

“In the display area, of course. My Doors are always here. I make them, and people make use of them, but they never leave my shop. Far too dangerous. I do have scruples, you know, even if you can’t see them past all the fur.”

“And when were you intending to inform the London Knights that you possessed a secret backdoor into their Castle?” said Kae.

“I’m almost sure I would have got round to it,” said the Doormouse. “Eventually.”

“Okay, that’s it,” said Kae. “It’s rug time.”

“Take it easy,” I said to Kae. “You can’t expect morality from a mouse.”

“Well quite,” said the Doormouse. “That’s why I became one.”

“Take us to the Door,” I said.

The Doormouse bobbed his head quickly, to all of us, and several times to King Arthur, then scurried away into the deeper recesses of his shop. The Doors were still standing there, in their ranks, waiting to be used. I kept an eye out for one particular Door I’d seen earlier and stopped before it. The others stopped with me. The Doormouse came hurrying back to see what we were all looking at. It was a Door like all the others, except for the brass combination lock in its centre.

“This is the Door that leads to alternate Earths,” I said. “All the different histories, all the ways the Earth might have gone. Can it really open onto any possible Earth, Doormouse?”

“Oh yes. You just have to enter the right co-ordinates. Of course, many of the more extreme iterations are completely uninhabitable, but ... What kind of Earth did you have in mind?”

“A completely empty Earth,” I said. “An Earth where sentient life never did develop, in any form. A living breathing Earth, where only the beasts and the birds flourished.”

“Of course,” said King Arthur. “I see where you’re going. An excellent solution for a very tricky problem.”

The Doormouse produced an impressively large book from somewhere about his person and flipped rapidly through the pages with his furry paws, muttering querulously to himself. He finally stopped at one particular page, ran a fuzzy finger down a long list of entries, then squeaked happily. He made the book disappear and advanced on the Door, muttering a bunch of numbers under his breath, before spinning the brass combination lock back and forth with practiced dexterity, then flinging the Door open with a triumphant flourish.

Beyond the Door, endless grasslands stretched away under a perfect blue sky, with no sign of civilisation or cultivation anywhere. A gentle breeze wafted through the Door, smelling of every sunny day we ever dreamed of. I could hear birds singing, and the far-away sounds of animals on the move. But otherwise, it was a very quiet, very peaceful world. We all crowded together, peering through the open Door.

“So peaceful,” said King Arthur. “Like Eden itself, before the Fall, untouched by human hand.”

“What better place for the elves?” I said. “What better place for a new start?”

“If they’ll take it,” said Suzie. “They don’t think like we do or value the things we do. They’re not human.”

“They want the Earth,” said Arthur. “And this is an Earth. Only without all those irritating humans to get in the way. They’ll take it.”

“But if they don’t?” said Kae.

Arthur looked suddenly tired. “You heard Merlin. If the elves cannot be made to see sense ... then raise the Armies of Man and lead them against the elves, until one or other of us is gone forever. I would prefer to avoid that if I can.”

“But would the elves prefer to avoid it?” said Kae. “There is a part of them that has always loved war.”

“They love survival more,” Arthur said shortly.

He gestured sharply to the Doormouse, who quickly shut the Door and spun the brass lock. He looked at King Arthur.

“I can’t recall anyone ever wanting to visit that Earth before. Calm and quiet and peaceful aren’t the kind of things people usually look for in the Nightside.”

“Their loss,” said Arthur. “Understand me, Sir Mouse; no-one is to have access to this Door until I return. Is that clear?”

The Doormouse bobbed his head in a perfect frenzy of agreement. “Of course, Your Majesty, of course. I’ll put an OUT OF ORDER sign on it. Shall we now proceed to the Castle Inconnu Door? We’re almost there, and the other large armoured gentleman is growling at me.”

“Don’t scare the mouse, Kae,” said Arthur. “That’s my job.”

We finally came to the Door, and the Doormouse opened it. Kae led the way through because it was his castle, after all. We appeared in a fairly unremarkable side corridor, with no-one round, and the Door slammed shut behind us and disappeared. Kae growled something under his breath, then led us quickly to the nearest communication point. Which turned out to be a simple office, filled with computers. Arthur was fascinated with all the technology and bumbled around, having a good look and touching things he shouldn’t, while Kae put out a general alert, ordering everyone to appear in the Main Hall, right then, no exceptions. Sir Roland appeared, on the run, and stuck his head through the door. His eyebrows practically jumped off his head when Kae introduced him to King Arthur, and he was down on both armoured knees in a moment, bowing his head to the returned King.

“Up, up, my good friend,” Arthur said easily. “You are my knights, sworn to serve my cause and my dream. I should kneel to you, for keeping it alive all these centuries.”

Sir Roland clambered quickly to his feet again and glared at Kae. “Would it have killed you to have given us a little advance warning? We could have prepared a proper welcome!”

“Such things can wait,” said Arthur. “The elves have brought war to the Nightside, and we are going to ride forth and teach them a lesson in manners. Lead the way to the Main Hall, Sir Roland. I would have words with the London Knights.”

Sir Roland bobbed his head quickly in a way that reminded me irresistibly of the Doormouse, and led us all to the Main Hall of Castle Inconnu. He was clearly bursting with questions he wanted to put to King Arthur, but Kae kept him busy with questions about the readiness of the knights to go to battle at such short notice. Sir Roland was still answering questions when we got to the hall. Suzie and I brought up the rear. I was starting to feel left out, as though having delivered Excalibur, my part in the story was over. It was Arthur’s story now, and Suzie and I were bit players. Except, the story wasn’t over yet, and I didn’t think Arthur was going to find things as easy as he thought. He was going to fight elves in the Nightside; and neither the elves nor the Nightside was anything like what he remembered of them.

Arthur might have dreamed England’s history; but the Nightside has always been outside history.

When we finally hurried into the Main Hall, it seemed like everyone in the Castle was already there, waiting for us. The knights in their armour, arrayed in solid shining ranks, along with all the other people who made the castle run, and their families. Because no-one wanted to miss this. The Main Hall was packed from wall to wall, with women and small children peering in through the open doorways because there wasn’t room for them. When King Arthur stepped up onto the empty platform at the end of the hall, a great roar went up from everyone. They cheered and shouted, they slammed their hands together and stamped their feet on the floor, all of them grinning so hard it must have hurt their faces. The King had returned, something they had dreamed of all their lives but never really believed would happen in their lifetimes. The knights drew their swords and thrust them into the air, again and again. And still the cheering went on, as though it would never stop.

King Arthur stood at the front of the platform, looking out over the crowd, nodding in approval at the ranks of armoured knights. Kae stood at his side, smiling proudly at his brother, gesturing for quiet so the King could speak. Suzie and I stood at the back. This wasn’t our moment.

“Want me to fire my shotgun into the ceiling?” Suzie said innocently into my ear. “That should quiet them down.”

“Better not,” I said. “It might be misinterpreted.”

King Arthur thrust one hand up, and immediately all the sound stopped as though someone had thrown a switch. The whole hall fell silent, to hear what he had to say. King Arthur lowered his hand and nodded solemnly.

“It’s good to be back,” he said. “But I’m not here to bask in your adulation. Later, maybe. For now, there is work to be done. An army of elves has gone to war against Humanity, in the Nightside, indulging in their love of brigandry and slaughter. This cannot be allowed. They must be stopped. I ride out. Who rides with me?”

Everyone there roared approval and agreement, and the knights thrust their swords into the air again. No-one questioned him. He was King Arthur, and they were his. And as simply as that, the London Knights went to war.

Sir Roland happily took over the logistics of getting so many people ready for action, while Arthur and Kae discussed how best to get their army to the Nightside. I saw a chance to be useful again. If only because I didn’t like the idea of a whole army of men in armour on the loose in the Nightside. I wanted to be sure everyone understood that only the elves were the enemy. King Arthur immediately saw what I was getting at, but I kept my eyes on Kae. Arthur might be King, but Kae was Grand Master of the London Knights. And the knights and the Nightside have never been on the best of terms. We had so little in common.

“My knights will behave themselves,” Kae said flatly. “We’re there to save people from the elves, not trample everyone underfoot indiscriminately. Any one of my people steps out of line, I’ll have his balls.”

“All right,” I said. “How are you planning to get your knights into the Nightside? You’ll never get all your horses through the Underground stations, and there’s a limit to how many I can transport through my watch.”

I stopped because Kae was looking at me in a very superior way.

“We have our own dimensional doorways, Mr. Taylor. For when we ride to war on other worlds, in other dimensions. They won’t work anywhere on Earth because that’s Drood territory. But the Nightside isn’t on Earth, technically, so we can be there in moments.”

“If you can enter the Nightside anytime you choose,” I said slowly, “why haven’t you?”

“I told you,” said Kae. “We deal with bigger issues. We fight our wars across all Space and Time, to protect Humanity from the Forces that threaten it. We’re not here to spank people because they misbehave. We’re only getting involved now because of the elves, and because Arthur wants it. Personally, I could watch the whole Nightside burn to the ground and not shed a single tear. Nasty little place.”

“Kae!” Arthur said immediately. “My knights have always defended those in need, wherever they may be! Or have you only kept alive those parts of my dream that suited you?”

“Sorry, Arthur. But this is the Nightside we’re talking about ...”

“It’s the elves,” Arthur said flatly. “Nothing else matters.”

“Of course, Arthur. You’re right, as always.”

“You are talking about our home, Kae,” said Suzie, and something in her voice drew Arthur’s and Kae’s attention immediately. I’ve always admired the way Suzie can become very dangerous, very quickly, often without even having to raise her voice. She gave Kae her best cold glare, and he stood very still as she addressed him in her cool, calm, and really quite deadly tone. “The Nightside is necessary. It serves a purpose, for those of us who can’t all be perfect. I wouldn’t live anywhere else. And, I want to make it very clear that I don’t have any patience for To save the village we had to destroy it tactics. The knights go in, they kick the crap out of the elves, then they get the hell out. Or I will take it very personally. Is that clear?”

“You can’t speak to the King like that!” said Kae, honestly shocked.

“Kae,” said Arthur, and Kae immediately shut up again. Arthur smiled on Suzie. “There can’t be much wrong with the Nightside these days if it can produce warriors like you and John Taylor. We ride out to rescue your people as well as punish the elves. Will you walk with me and discuss the best tactics to use in the Nightside? You know the situation better than any of us.”

They moved off together, cheerfully discussing death and destruction. Kae and I wandered after them.

“You know,” said Kae, “that is one seriously scary girlfriend you have there.”

“You have no idea,” I said. “Trust me.”

Not all that long afterwards, we were all assembled in a massive courtyard the size of two or maybe even three football fields, surrounded by tall stone walls, open to a starless and moonless night sky. I wasn’t sure whether we were outside or not. I wasn’t even sure if we were still in the castle. The knights were readying themselves for war with practiced ease and easy camaraderie. They wore brightly coloured tabards over their armour, with various stylised symbols on their chests and backs to identify which groups they belonged to. Their horses waited patiently, huge muscular brutes, tossing their proud heads and snorting loudly, armoured and caparisoned, with brightly coloured plumes on their foreheads. A small army of grooms bustled round them, fussing over them and seeing to their needs. Armourers moved amongst the knights in much the same way, checking their armour and weapons. Suzie, surprisingly, was enchanted by the huge horses and moved happily amongst them, feeding them bits of carrot and murmuring happy nonsense to them. Girls and their ponies ...

Kae gave the order to mount up, and the knights were quickly in their saddles. And despite what we’ve all seen in films, they didn’t need little step-ladders, or have to be lowered onto the backs of their horses. The London Knights had spent most of their lives learning how to move easily in their armour. They mounted their horses as though it was something they did every day of their lives, and for all I know, they did. They put on their plumed helmets and immediately became anonymous and coldly intimidating. The horses bore the weight easily. Many of them were stamping their hoofs on the cobbled ground, impatient to be off.

Suzie and I had been given our own horses, so we wouldn’t be left behind. I’d been assured they were very old, very calm horses, with excellent manners. I got up into the saddle with a little help from a groom who happened to be passing. Suzie vaulted up with more enthusiasm than grace, and looked round her proudly. Kae steered his horse in beside me, on his way to somewhere more important. He was in full armour, and it suited him far more than the grey suit ever had.

“Try to keep up and don’t get in the way.”

He was gone before I could come up with a suitably cutting rejoinder. I took the reins in a firm grasp to show the horse I knew what I was doing. He turned his great head all the way round, gave me a long, thoughtful stare, and turned his head away again.

“You have to let him know who’s in charge,” said Suzie.

“I think he already knows,” I said.

Kae brought forward a massive white charger for Arthur, almost half as big again as all the other horses. Arthur smiled and patted the horse on its muzzle, and I swear the horse actually bowed its head to him. Arthur had that effect on everyone. He swung easily up and onto the saddle, took the reins in one mailed hand, and then raised his free hand. Immediately, every sound in the courtyard cut off. Even the horses fell silent.

“It is time,” said Arthur. “Open the gateway, Kae. We ride to battle.”

Kae stood up in his stirrups and made a series of quick, abrupt mystical gestures at the far end of the courtyard. He looked every inch the brutal warrior who’d come so close to killing Suzie and me, back in the sixth-century Strangefellows. I trusted Arthur, but I still wasn’t entirely sure about Kae. I’d liked him a lot better when he was pretending to be Sir Gareth. I missed Gareth; I felt I understood him a lot better than I did Kae. But was Sir Gareth a mask worn by Kae; or was it possibly the other way round? I’d find out soon enough. Nothing like going to war to show you who people really are.

Arthur urged his horse forward, Kae right there at his side. The many ranks of mounted knights moved silently after him; and Suzie and I brought up the rear. Everyone else had disappeared from the courtyard. They’d done everything they could. The only sound was the steady rumble of thunder as hundreds of horses moved across the cobbled ground. A giant doorway stood before us, a simple door-frame some thirty feet tall and twenty wide, full of swirling mists, exactly like the one Prince Gaylord the Damned and his dark knights used, back in Sinister Albion. I think I would have said ... something, but Arthur drew Excalibur from its scabbard, the long blade blazing brightly against the gloom. He urged his horse forward and plunged into the open doorway, and all the army went with him.

And that was how the London Knights went to war with the elves in the Nightside.

A thousand knights in armour thundered through the streets of the Nightside, leaning out of the saddle to strike at the startled elves, caught by surprise in midslaughter. The doorway had delivered us right into the heart of battle, and the knights rode the elves down, trampling them under their horses’ hoofs. Long swords cut off heads and hacked elves down with vicious speed and accuracy. Some elves turned to fight, but it was already too late for them. The London Knights had come to the Nightside for blood, and the elves didn’t stand a chance.

Suzie and I were the last through the gateway, which immediately disappeared behind us. It was all I could do to stay on my horse, and Suzie couldn’t free a hand to draw any of her guns. I didn’t feel like I was in charge of anything any more, and that always worries me.

The Nightside was a mess. Buildings were burning all round us, flames leaping up into the smoke-filled sky. The street was littered with the dead, and the gutters ran thick with blood and gore. The elves had been busy. Bodies had been mutilated and strung up from street-lights by their own intestines. There were neat little piles of hands and feet and hearts. The elves do so love to play. And these were the elves I’d planned to save. The elves I’d found a new home for. Right then, if I could have pressed a button and sent every elf there ever was to Hell, I would have done it.

We slammed through elves caught off guard in the street, leaving them dead and dying behind us. We pressed on, charging through the streets in an unstoppable tide, carrying all before us. We soon caught up with the real action. People had set up barricades across a main street, improvised from anything handy, including bodies, and had fought the elven forces to a halt. The traffic had disappeared from the roads, moving along hidden by-ways until the fighting was over. There were dead men and dead elves everywhere, and some of them had died with their hands locked around each other’s throats. There was blood and offal and charred corpses, and bodies turned inside out by horrid magics. Both sides looked round startled, as the London Knights came thundering towards them.

The mounted knights slammed into the massed hordes of the elves before them, throwing them aside and trampling them under hoof. Some elves turned quickly to face the new threat, brandishing all kinds of glowing weapons. They danced and capered amongst the bodies of those they’d slain, mocking the approaching knights, defying them to do anything about all the horrid things they’d done and the worse things they planned to do. They wore strangely designed brass-and-silver armour, crackling with protective spells, and their pale faces were tattooed with hideous designs. They were delighted to be fighting their old enemy Man again. They had forgotten how much they enjoyed killing people and playing their vicious games with them. The knights rode straight at them, roaring war cries booming inside their steel helmets, and the elves darted aside at the last moment, laughing and leaping high into the air, to pull the knights out of their saddles. Elves and knights went blade to blade, both sides eager for blood and honour and the vicious joys of battle.

The elves threw spells that exploded harmlessly against the knights’ armour. They had their own built-in protections. The elves came howling, bearing strange alien weapons and devices, and wild destructive energies spat and crackled in the air; but still they couldn’t pierce the knights’ armour. So the elves drew their glowing swords and cut and hacked at the knights; and even the most modern armour was sometimes no defence against such ancient weapons.

The elves jumped onto the backs of horses, hugged the knights to them, and forced their blades into the gap between helmet and breast-plate. Blood jetted into the night air, the knights fell from their horses, and the elves leapt away, laughing breathlessly. Some of the elves ducked in low, to cut at horses’ throats and legs, and were mostly met with a forceful hoof in the face. These were war-horses, trained for battle.

From the shadows some elves fired strangely glowing arrows that nothing could stop.

The knights’ advance was quickly slowed, then halted. And they hacked and cut about them with their great swords and axes, and most of the time even the best elven armour was no match for cold steel, coldly wielded. The knights leaned out from their horses to cut off heads, or arms, or stab a chest or throat in passing; and golden blood spurted out, to hang on the air and run in the gutters along with redder blood. Two elves leapt up and grabbed a horse’s head, forcing it to a halt. The knight leapt out of his saddle, hit the ground running, beheaded one elf, and cut down the other, his blade sinking deep into the elf’s chest. He’d barely pulled his sword free when a dozen other elves came running straight at him. Another knight leapt from his horse to guard his brother’s back, and the two knights stood together and killed every living thing that came at them.

Some knights had other weapons. Strange magical and scientific devices I didn’t even recognise. The London Knights were traditionalists in everything that mattered, but they were right up to date and beyond when it came to weapons.

The elven forces began to fall back, slowly at first, then they broke apart under the impact of the knights, and fled through the Nightside streets. And the London Knights went after them. A great cheer went up from the Nightsider barricades, and King Arthur briefly saluted them with Excalibur before returning to the fight. His armour was dripping with golden blood, and the sword blazed brightly against the night.

The elves hadn’t expected such opposition. And they hadn’t expected to die so easily at the hands of men.

Suzie let her horse have its head while she used her shotgun. The horse didn’t seem to mind the noise of the gun at all. Suzie picked off elves as she saw them, dealing with targets the knights ahead had missed. Her blessed and cursed ammo blasted right through the elves’ armour, and when it didn’t, she blew their heads right off. When she finally ran out of shells for the shotgun, she slipped it back into its holster and tossed grenades and incendiaries round where they’d do the most good. Many an elf who’d thought himself hidden in the shadows went flying suddenly through the air with body parts missing, and often on fire. And when she ran out of explosives, Suzie drew the two heavy pistols from her hips and carried on taking care of business. She looked calm and relaxed, cool and easy, in her element and loving every moment of it.

I kept close to her, watching her back, using my gifts to find elves who’d hidden themselves a little more thoroughly than the others. Even the best elf glamour is no match for my gift. I only had to point out a particularly dark shadow where there shouldn’t be one, and Suzie would open fire; and something dead would fall out onto the street. We’ve always worked well together. I’ve never thought of myself as a fighter, and now that Excalibur was no longer on my back, urging me on, I was quite happy to leave the real fighting to the knights. I’d seen enough violence and had enough blood on my hands.

And, of course, while I was busy brooding about that and feeling sorry for myself, an elf came running up on my blind side, leapt onto the back of my horse, grabbed me from behind with one arm, and set a knife at my throat. The horse started to rear, upset by the unexpected new weight, and I yanked harshly on the reins to hold him still. The edge of the blade gently parted the skin above my Adam’s apple, and I could feel a slow runnel of blood trickling down my throat. The elf giggled in my ear.

Suzie saw what was happening and spun her horse round to face me, one pistol already targeting the elf.

“I don’t think so!” the elf said cheerfully. “One wrong move, and I will cut your lover’s throat! I know the infamous John Taylor when I set eyes upon him, and I know a way out of this trap when I see it. You shall be my passport out of here, John Taylor; and your woman shall be my guide.”

“Hell with that,” said Suzie, and shot him between the eyes.

The elf’s head snapped back, golden blood seeming to hang on the air for a moment before he fell backwards off my horse. Some of the blood spattered my neck and the back of my head. I quickly put my hand to my throat, but it was still intact, apart from the one slight cut. The horse stood calmly, waiting patiently to be told what to do next. I looked back into the street, where the elf lay very still with half his head missing. What was left of his face looked surprised. I looked at Suzie.

“You could have negotiated with him!”

“No, I couldn’t,” said Suzie. “I don’t do negotiation.”

“You might have missed!”

“You know me better than that.”

And, of course, I did. She didn’t ask me how I felt because she was confident in her abilities and confident that I was, too. And if I told her how upset I was, at having to be rescued, she genuinely wouldn’t have understood. But I really was mad as hell. I’d allowed myself to be shoved to one side, intimidated by King Arthur and the London Knights, and in my home-town, too. I felt a distinct need to do something, to show all of these big armoured alpha males that this was my territory, and I could do things here that all of them put together couldn’t even dream of. I’d seen too many deaths, from the Nightside to Sinister Albion and back again, and I’d had enough. I might not be a warrior knight or a legendary King, but I was still John Taylor. I concentrated and raised my gift, and it only took me a moment to find King Arthur and Kae, riding with their knights, still driving the elves before them.

This is John Taylor. Having found them, it was the easiest thing in the world to put my voice in their heads. Round up the remaining elves and return to me. There’s been enough killing. I have something more constructive in mind.

I shut down my gift and waited. Suzie steered her horse in beside mine and waited patiently with me. She always assumed I knew what I was doing, and I loved her for that. I’ve never had the heart to disillusion her. Mostly I make this shit up as I go along. I hadn’t known I could make direct mental contact with people just by finding them. But then, I’d never tried before. Never been this angry, before. King Arthur and Kae came riding back to join me. They’d left the knights behind. Presumably because they didn’t want them to see me yelling at their King. Golden blood had soaked their tabards, and more ran down their armour. They seemed well pleased with themselves. King Arthur reined his horse in before me and studied me with cool, thoughtful eyes.

“You don’t have to shout, Mr. Taylor.”

“And you do not give orders to your King,” said Kae, reining in beside Arthur. Suzie studied him coldly, both her pistols in her hands.

“You’re the King of England,” I said to Arthur. “But this is the Nightside; and we do things differently here. I brought you here to put an end to the slaughter, not start one of your own. These elves are broken; there’s no excuse to hunt them through the streets like vermin.”

“They’re elves,” said Kae.

“And we are supposed to be saving them,” said Arthur. “My knights are now containing them, as you suggested, Mr. Taylor. You are right. I’d forgotten how much the joy of battle can take a man over. But what are we to do with these captured elves, Mr. Taylor?”

“Kill them all,” said Kae. “Send a message to whoever sent them.”

“Hush, Kae,” said Arthur. “Mr. Taylor?”

“Watch,” I said. “And learn.”

I raised my gift again, and it rose blazing to the surface immediately, driven by the anger that still burned in me. My inner eye opened wide, travelling across all Space and Time in a moment, and I found Queen Mab in her Unseelie Court, in the Sundered Lands. In the Nightside, everywhere is as close as anywhere else; but even so, I was quietly impressed with myself that I’d been able to find and reach her so easily. Maybe I should get mad more often. I looked upon Queen Mab, sitting on her Ivory Throne, and used my gift to find a connection between the Nightside and the Sundered Lands.

A great opening appeared, hanging in mid air, and shimmering light from the elven Court spilled out into the night. I could see right into Caer Dhu, the last great Castle of Faerie, taken with them when the elves walked sideways from the sun and left the Earth behind. Queen Mab sat bolt upright on her Throne, set on a raised dais before a massive Court full of elves. She looked out at me, through the opening I’d made, surprise and outrage in her unearthly pale face.

Queen Mab was greater in size and scale than any other elf. Ten feet tall, supernaturally slender, and glamorous, naked save for blue-daubed sigils glowing fiercely on her pearlescent skin. She was beautiful beyond bearing, terrible beyond any hope of mercy, alien, inhuman. Her ears were pointed, her eyes were pure gold without a trace of pupil, and her mouth was a deep crimson; the red of heart’s blood, red as sin itself. Queen Mab was a first-generation elf, impossibly ancient and magnificent, and it showed.

She leaned forward on her Ivory Throne to fix me with her unblinking gaze. “What poor damned mortal dares disturb me in my Court?”

“That would be me,” I said cheerfully. “John Taylor of the Nightside, not in any way at your service. Ah, I see you’ve heard of me. That saves time. And here with me is the returned King Arthur, of Camelot. He calls you to parley with Oberon and Titania, that we might avert the coming civil war between the elves, and to discuss something more ... interesting.”

Queen Mab looked past me at Arthur. He nodded courteously to her, and she actually bowed her head to him.

“Arthur,” she said. “It has been a while, has it not? You haven’t changed.”

“Neither have you,” Arthur said gallantly.

Mab made no comment, still studying Arthur’s face. “So, it seems I am not the only one to return to trouble this world again. If things had gone differently, if we had wed, what a world we might have fashioned together. But there was Tam, my lovely Tam, and nothing was ever the same again, after that.”

She turned abruptly to face me, fixing me with her intense golden stare. “If any other mortal had insulted me in this way, John Taylor, I would have ripped the meat from his bones with my own bare hands for such effrontery. But you have brought me a face I never thought to see again. That buys you some time. I am ... intrigued. Arthur’s presence changes everything. Yes, I will parley.”

“You sent the elves into the Nightside, didn’t you?” I said.

“Youngbloods,” said Queen Mab. “They wanted so much to prove themselves in battle, and who was I to deny youth its chance?”

“Most of them are dead now,” said Kae. “The London Knights hold the survivors captive. Their continued survival depends upon your good behaviour.”

“Kill them all,” said Mab. “Let them all die, for failing me. I am Mab; and I will do what I will do.”

I decided to press on, while she was still in what passed for a good mood. I raised my gift again and sent it searching; and this time I found King Oberon and Queen Titania in their Unseelie Court, in Shadows Fall. I found another connection and opened up another gateway; and more light fell into the Nightside as I connected one hidden place with another.

Oberon and Titania sat side by side on two great Thrones made of bones. Strange shapes and sigils and glyphs had been cut deep into the hundreds of interlinked bones that made up the two Thrones, detail upon detail, in a design complex beyond hope of human understanding. Oberon was easily ten feet tall and bulging thickly with muscles, wrapped in a long blood-red cloak to better show off his milk-white skin. His hair was a colourless blond, hanging loosely down around a long, angular face dominated by piercing blue eyes. He looked effortlessly noble, regal, and perversely intelligent. Oberon had come to his Throne through intrigue and violence, and it showed.

Titania wore a long black dress with silver trimmings, and wore it with a careless, heart-breaking elegance. She was lovelier than any mere mortal would ever be, and she knew it, and didn’t give a damn. She was a few inches taller than Oberon, with a skin so pale that blue veins showed clearly at her temples. Her hair was blonde, cropped short and severe, and her night-dark eyes were calm and cold.

Nobility hung about them both, like a cape grown frayed through long use.

“We know you, John Taylor,” said Oberon, in calm, bored voice. “Why do you trouble us?”

“King Arthur’s back,” I said briskly. “That’s him, right there. Isn’t he marvellous? He and his knights have kicked the crap out of the elves Queen Mab sent to devastate the Nightside. He has asked her to parley, to find a way to avoid the forthcoming elf civil war, and she has agreed. He now asks you to parley, in the same cause, and swears he has another, viable option to propose.”

“There still exist ancient pacts, of honour and blood, between the Unseelie Court and Camelot,” said Arthur. “Tell me the elves have not forgotten honour.”

“No,” said Oberon. “The elves still remember honour.”

“But what if we do not want peace?” said Titania. She did not move at all, her rich and sultry voice seeming to hang on the air.

“Would you rather face extinction?” I said. “You know that once the war has started, you’d all fight to the end, to the very last of your forces, rather than admit defeat. You’d use any tactic, any weapon, die to the very last elf and take all Humanity and the Earth with you, before you’d let your hated rival win. Arthur is offering you a way out—a way for the elves to survive as a race, with honour. And if you can’t trust King Arthur of Camelot, whom can you trust?”

Oberon smiled slightly. “Why not? If nothing else, this process should prove ... illuminating. I see you, Mab. What say you, to this offer of parley, and a possible solution to our dispute?”

“No-one summons me anywhere,” said Mab. She turned her unblinking gaze on Arthur. “You don’t have Merlin any more. And without him, your forces failed at Logres.”

“Who needs Merlin?” I said. “We have Arthur and the London Knights, and I can call upon the Lord of Thorns, Jessica Sorrow the Unbeliever, and Razor Eddie, Punk God of the Straight Razor. I could even give the Droods a call ... Do you really want to fight one more useless battle; or shall we try something different for a change?”

“If a suitable neutral ground can be found and agreed on,” said Mab, “I will attend. But only because it has been such a long time since I have seen you, Arthur. One does miss ... old friends.”

I turned back to Oberon and Titania, in their Court at Shadows Fall. But before either of them could speak, another figure appeared suddenly from behind the two Thrones of bone, a face I already knew. A short, stocky figure, almost human-sized, though the sheer scale of the King and Queen made him appear smaller. His body was as smooth and supple as a dancer’s, but the hump on his back pushed one shoulder down and forward, and the hand on that arm was withered into a claw. His hair was grey, his skin the yellow of old bone, and he had two raised nubs on his forehead that might have been horns. He wore a pelt of animal fur that melded seamlessly into his own hairy body, and his legs ended in cloven hoofs. He smiled a lot, but it wasn’t a pleasant smile.

I knew him. He had led me a merry dance across the Nightside, all to protect a Peace Treaty he never had any faith in. He brought me Excalibur. He was Puck, the only elf that was not perfect.

He lounged artlessly against the arm of Titania’s Throne, and she patted his head fondly as he grinned out of the opening in the air.

“And so the call to parley comes, from an old and yet respected human King; and who are we to say no to such a courteous summons? I say, let us go, and talk, for talk is cheap and therefore costs us nothing. After all, nothing shall be decided, nor considered binding, unless both Courts agree on it. And how likely is that?”

“Dear Puck,” said Queen Mab. “Still so wise and so provoking.”

“Let’s do it,” said King Oberon. “For the hell of it. It has been so dreadfully dull round here, lately.”

“But no more than us,” said Queen Titania. “Just us, and no-one else.”

“Of course,” said Queen Mab. “We might want to say and admit things our people would never approve of.” She looked at me. “Assuming, again, that you can find a neutral ground where we cannot be overheard. And how likely is that?”

“Oh, I’ve got somewhere in mind,” I said. “Somewhere that will impress even the King and Queens of Faerie. Certainly a place where I can guarantee no-one will overhear you.”

And driven by the anger that still hadn’t let go of me, I raised my gift again and found the place I’d been thinking of. I used my Portable Timeslip to transport Oberon and Titania and Puck, Arthur and Kae, Mab, Suzie, and myself out of the Nightside and into the future. To the Nightside at the end of the world, the devastated future that I had helped to bring about.

Everyone looked round, startled at their sudden arrival. They hadn’t known I could do that, and until I tried, neither had I. I was deathly tired, all the energy gone out of me, and my head pulsed with a sick pain. Overusing my gift has its price. Suzie was quickly at my side, so I could lean on her if I needed to, without anyone else noticing. I forced myself to stand upright and smile unconcernedly about me. I couldn’t be weak now, not when so much depended on me. Not when I still had so much left to do.

Arthur and Kae moved instinctively to stand back-to-back, staring wildly about them. Oberon and Titania and Mab had also moved together, perhaps for mutual support. And while they towered over us mere mortals, the stark and terrible setting they found themselves in made the elves seem smaller. There’s nothing like the end of the world for putting things in perspective.

I had brought them to a dark place, where the Moon was gone from the night sky, and only a handful of stars still gleamed dully. For as far as any of us could see, the Nightside lay in ruins, broken buildings and scattered rubble, endless silence and a bone-piercing cold. Smashed and abandoned vehicles littered the empty streets, but there were no bodies, anywhere. I could have told them why, told them what happened to all the bodies; but they wouldn’t have thanked me for the knowledge. What light there was came from distant glares and strange lights out in the ruins. The night had a purple cast, as though it were bruised. We all looked round sharply, as some great shape raised itself briefly on the horizon, then it was gone again.

“What the hell was that?” said Arthur. “John, what is this place? Where in God’s name have you brought us?”

“Not so much where, as when,” I said. “This is the future of the Nightside, and London, and Earth. Or, at least, one of its many possible futures. I’ve done everything I can to make this future as unlikely as possible; but the fact that it’s still here suggests it’s not utterly impossible. Nothing lives here now, except the insects. This ... is the end of everything.”

I let them look round some more, let the cold seep into their bones and into their souls. Arthur and Kae were clearly horrified, and even the elves couldn’t help looking impressed. Oberon and Titania held each other’s hands, Mab drew herself up to her full height, and even the Puck had stopped smiling. I could have told them that I was responsible for all this: that this was the world I murdered, in one future time-line. But I didn’t. I didn’t want them distracted from the main issue.

“Welcome to the future,” I said, harshly, and they all looked back at me. “This is what the world will look like when all the wars are over.”

“Am I back in Hell?” said Mab. “Such desolation of the spirit ...”

“This is a dead world,” said Puck. “There is no life here, only ... things like life.”

“Oh yes,” I said. “When we’ve all finished killing each other, the monsters will still remain. Listen.”

From far off in the distance came the sound of living things as big as houses, moving slowly and dragging themselves through the purple twilight. Enormous silhouettes appeared briefly upon the broken horizon, and something far too huge went stalking between the nearby buildings, tottering on great stilt-like legs, pulling down stonework where it brushed against decaying structures. Something impossibly large rose suddenly, blocking off our view of the horizon. It made a series of loud, wet, sucking noises, and lurched towards us.

“You’d better do something about that,” I said. “It sounds hungry.”

Oberon and Titania and Mab raised their hands and chanted together, and immediately a shimmering protective circle rose, spreading out to fill all the open space round us. A pale blue-white glare from the screens replaced the bruised purple, and the advancing shape slammed to a halt, some distance from the shimmering screen. It stayed where it was, utterly still, watching from the shadows. It gave the impression that it could wait forever, or at least until the screen went down. Out in the darkness, other great shapes were heading our way, attracted by the light.

“Nice work,” I said to the elves. “You see what you can do, when you work together? I do love these simple life lessons. Of course, the screens won’t last. Nothing lasts, here. And there are things out there that can break through anything, eventually.”

Even as I spoke, a great dark shape slammed up against the shield, on our blind side. What details of the thing I could see made no sense at all. All the shapes were monsters, things left behind because they were too big to be killed by anything except each other. More of them came forward, slapping and grating against the shimmering fields, desperate to get in, to get at us. Driven by many appetites, of which hunger was only one. They wanted to do awful things to us, simply because we were sane and normal and alive. Because we made them remember when the world was not as it had become.

I didn’t have to tell any of the others this. They could feel it. I could see it in their faces.

“This is what the world will look like,” I said, “when all the wars are over and done with. This is what you would inherit after your civil war, Your Elven Majesties. But this is only one possible future, one possible Earth. There are many others, a whole infinity of possibilities. Tell them, Arthur.”

King Arthur had to swallow hard before he could speak, but when he finally did, his voice was calm and reasonable.

“I can offer you another Earth, a new Earth, where Man and Elf never happened. A whole new start, for all the elves. Why fight over our Earth, already overrun by Man and his civilisation, and risk ending up in this future, when you could move to this new world I offer, and never have to see Humanity again? It is a wild fine place I offer you, rich with beasts and birds and possibilities. You could flourish there.”

Oberon and Titania nodded slowly. “For all that elves do love a feud and delight in slaughter, in the name of honour ... the needs of the race come first. We are suffocating at Shadows Fall, and it is known to us that the elves are dying out in the Sundered Lands. There is something in us that is bound to the Earth and will not let us thrive anywhere else. We will forgo our ancient enmity and make peace among our kind, in return for a new Earth. What say you, Mab?”

We all looked at her. She smiled slowly. “You tore me from my Throne and threw me down into Hell. I had to claw my way back, through many sacrifices. You expect me to forget all that?”

“Yes,” said Titania. “In the name of the race. Mab, in this new world ... there could be children again.”

“I will not give up my hate,” said Mab. “It’s all I have.”

“Still clinging to the past, Mab?” said Titania. “That always was your failing. That’s why you lost the war against Humanity and why we had to replace you. Because you cared nothing for the future.”

“Because you never got over what happened in the past,” said Oberon. “Will you risk the continuation of our race over the memory of one dead man?”

“He loved me! He truly loved me!” Mab towered over us, radiant with rage. “The only one who ever did; and the elves killed him for it. Let them all suffer, as I have suffered.”

“You could have children again, on this new Earth,” said Titania. “Have you forgotten how sweet it is, to bear a child?”

“I would sacrifice any elf that ever was, or might be, before I will give up my righteous anger,” said Mab. “Nothing else matters.”

“All this, for revenge?” said Oberon.

“For honour!” Mab sneered at him openly. “I am the last of the first-born elves. All who came after were smaller things, with smaller emotions. You were never worthy of us. Let the war come. Those who survive will have been made pure again, through blood and sacrifice. And I will rule them.”

“And risk this?” said Arthur, gesturing around him. “What point could there be in winning if all you inherit is this?”

“I will do what I will do,” said Queen Mab. “Nothing else matters.”

“There was a time when something else mattered,” said a cheerful, bright, and jaunty voice. “When someone else mattered, sweetest Mab.”

We all looked round sharply at the new voice, and there, striding towards us, was a tall well-built young man, wrapped in a heavy bearskin cloak and simple cloth leggings. He had a broad, open face and an infectious smile, and a shock of red hair under a traditional Scottish cap. He came forward to join us, grinning widely, and Mab ... let out a single low, shocked sound. Arthur started forward, and Kae stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Is this your doing?” Suzie whispered in my ear. I shook my head.

“Dear sweet God,” said Arthur. “How can this be? Tam ... Tam O’Shanter, as ever was. You died even before I did. Has some dear magic brought you back, too?”

Tam O’Shanter laughed happily, his eyes fixed on Queen Mab. He stopped before her, cocked his head slightly to one side, and planted both fists on his hips. He looked so alive, so full of life, ready to take on the whole world and bend it to his wishes, for the fun of it.

“Why, this is the land of the dead. Where else should I be? I was needed, so here I am, to see my sweet Mab again. Ah, my bonny lass, how fine you look. Even if I did have to stand on a stool to kiss you, in the old days. It is your need that brings me here, sweet lass, to this dark place. Are you still so mad at all who live because I died, and left you alone? Poor Mab, we could never have had long together, no matter how things worked out. Because it is the fate of every man to grow old and die, and you are an elf. That’s why our love was forbidden, among Men and elves.”

“I would have found a way,” said Mab. “I would have kept you with me forever. I will never stop hating and hurting the world that took you from me.”

“Then hold me, my love,” said Tam O’Shanter. “Hold me as you once did, when the world was young, and so were we.”

He stepped forward and opened his arms, and Mab stepped into them without hesitation, and hugged him fiercely to her. For the first time, she looked happy. She kept on smiling, even when Tam’s hand came up with a long knife in it, slid it smoothly between her ribs, and twisted it. Golden blood ran down her side, but she never made a sound. She hung on to him, her eyes closed. He pulled the blade out, and golden blood coursed down her side and spattered on the ground. And then, as though only the blade had been holding her up, she fell suddenly to her knees. Still clinging to her dead love. Her head fell forward on his chest, and he patted her hair fondly before pushing her away from him. Queen Mab fell awkwardly to the ground and lay still. Tam O’Shanter looked down at her, the bloody knife still in his hand. And then he put aside the glamour he’d worn and was himself again.

“Sorry, Mother,” said Puck. “But I did owe you that, for making me the way I am. And what better glamour to deceive you than the father I never knew? You should have died when he did and saved us all so much suffering.”

He looked up and smiled into our shocked faces.

“It’s what she would have wanted. She could never give up. She didn’t know how. So I have put her out of her misery, and ours. Now she’s gone, all the elves must bow down to King Oberon and Queen Titania, by right of succession. The elves are one people again, with no need of civil war. I must thank you, John Taylor, for making this possible. No-one else could have brought us all together.”

“This isn’t the ending I wanted,” I said.

The Puck shrugged again. “You never did understand elven humour.” He looked at Oberon and Titania. “Well, Your Majesties, have I done right in your eyes?”

“Of course,” said Oberon. “A most elegant solution. We shall now oversee the passing of our people, from Shadows Fall and the Sundered Lands, to the new Earth that has been promised. But Titania and I ... will not be going with them. To be a new people, they must leave the past behind. And Titania and I ... have too much past in us. We are the old way, and the old way must be forgotten. So we shall remain in Shadows Fall, where all things of the past belong.”

“Some others will no doubt wish to remain with us,” said Titania. “The future is not for everyone. But the race will continue, elsewhere, and that is all that matters.”

“I will stay with you,” said Puck. “Because there’s still far too much mischief to get into in our world to ever give it up.”

“Dear sweet mischievous Puck,” said Queen Titania. But she was looking at Queen Mab’s dead body when she said it.

Sometime later, Suzie and I and Arthur and Kae stood watching through the Door, looking out over the empty Earth, as the Fae came through an endless series of dimensional gateways to claim their new home. Thousands of them, on foot and on horseback, or on other magical creatures, some of which I couldn’t even put a name to. The elves came proudly, singing and laughing, and for the first time I thought I saw in them something of what Arthur had always seen. They had their pride back, and their grandeur. They had been Humanity’s enemies for so long, we had forgotten their magic and their glory. And perhaps they had, too. Seeing them now, it almost made me sad that I’d never see them again. Almost.

The crossing took a long time, but when it was finally over, Oberon appeared out of nowhere to join us at the Door. He waited patiently for us to recover our self-possession, then he ceremoniously closed the Door, spun the brass combination lock, and said a simple but very binding spell over it. No-one would ever be able to access that particular alternate Earth again. He said nothing, merely bowed briefly to King Arthur, and vanished before Arthur could bow in return. Back to Shadows Fall, leaving history behind, to become legend.

The Doormouse crept up to join us, his whiskers twitching anxiously. “Well, this has all been very interesting, and perhaps even moving, but now that it is all quite definitely over; do you think you could all please get the hell out of my life? You’re all too weird, even for me.”

Outside in the street, Arthur looked round him, suddenly seeming a bit lost. “What do I do now, Mr. Taylor? It would seem I have done what I was brought back to do, though I can’t help feeling you did more than me.”

“Couldn’t have done it without you,” I said, and I meant it.

“Do I have to go back to sleep now? I’ve seen so little of this brave new world that has such wonders in it. I dreamed centuries of history, but I was never a part of it.”

“You must come back to Castle Inconnu, with me,” said Kae. “Let me show you what I’ve built, tell you all the amazing things the London Knights have done, all the marvellous victories we won, in your name and in defence of your dream.”

“All these years, and still so desperate for my approval?” said Arthur. He put both hands on Kae’s shoulders and shook him slightly. “You’ve always had my approval, brother. I have always been so very proud of you.”

“But you can’t stay, Arthur, and you know it,” said a familiar voice. “This isn’t your time—in oh-so-many ways—and it isn’t the Final Battle. That is yet to come.”

We all looked round, and there was Gayle, or Gaea, Mother Earth herself, standing in a powder-blue business suit, looking very elegant and very efficient. King Arthur bowed to her.

“Greetings to you, my Lady of the Lake. I should have known you’d turn up. Must I go back to my grave again?”

“No,” said Gaea. “The word is out, and already far too many people know about it. I suspect a certain bartender of planning guided tours. Come with me, Arthur, and I will find you a new resting place, with a little more dignity, where you can sleep peacefully until you are needed. And no, Kae, this time you don’t get to know where.”

“But ... we’ve been together such a short time,” Kae said to Arthur. “After so many years ... Will I ever see my brother again, Lady?”

“Who knows?” said Gaea. “Merlin did make you immortal, after all. He must have had his reasons.”

“Of course we’ll meet again,” said Arthur. “You really think I’d fight the Final Battle for all Humanity, without my trusted brother at my side?”

The two men embraced fiercely, then one walked off with the Lady of the Lake, and the other walked off to rejoin his London Knights. And Suzie and I were left standing there in the street.

“Let’s go home, John,” said Suzie. “It’s been a very long day.”

“Yes,” I said. “Let’s do that.”

We walked off down the street, Suzie’s arm through mine. After a while, she looked at me seriously.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, John.”

“Oh yes?”

“I’m pregnant.”

I stopped dead and looked at Suzie, who looked calmly back at me.

“You’re ... what?”

“I’m pregnant,” said Suzie. “I’m going to have a baby.”

“How did that happen?”

“Well, if you don’t know by now ...”

“A baby,” I said. “We’re going to have a baby ...”

“How do you feel about that?” said Suzie.

I smiled at her. “I couldn’t be happier.”

We started walking again, her arm tucked companionably through mine, her leather-clad shoulder pressed against my white trench coat.

“We’ve come a long way,” I said, after a while. “We’re neither of us the people we used to be.”

“Just as well,” said Suzie. “They were both very ... limited people.”

“Been through a lot of changes,” I said, carefully not looking at her. “And most of them, together. I don’t think we could have come half so far, without each other’s support.”

“We do make a good team,” said Suzie.

“Yes,” I said. “First as colleagues, then as partners. But now ... baby makes three. We can do a lot as partners, but I don’t think raising a child is one of them. Would you like to marry me, Suzie?”

She looked straight ahead, her face as cold and unreadable as ever. “You always were the romantic one.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know. I love you, John. As much as anyone like me can love anyone. But I don’t want you marrying me out of a sense of obligation.”

“You know me better than that.”

She looked at me briefly. “Yes. I suppose I do.”

“I love you, Suzie Shooter. Much against my better judgement. Because I need you.”

“And I need you, John Taylor. If only to watch my back while I’m reloading.”

“So you’ll marry me?”

“Yes,” said Suzie, in her usual cool, collected voice. “As long as it is fully understood; I will not be wearing white.”

We walked along some more.

“Can you imagine what our kid is going to be like?” I said. “He’ll be running this place before he’s twenty.”

“Damn right,” said Suzie Shooter.

You are cordially invited to the wedding of

John Taylor and Suzie Shooter.

No guns, knives, or explosives,

by request.