A Dance of Ghosts

CHAPTER 30

As you wish, milady.

Zusa walked down the quiet street, seeing nothing.

As you wish …

The sun had just begun to set, and in her wrappings, she knew she was a strange sight, yet she could not muster the strength to care. She wasn’t even sure how long she’d wandered, aimless, crisscrossing streets, seen by dozens as over an hour crawled by, if not two. But it didn’t matter. None of it did. With the sun setting, she was only reminded that come nightfall, she had no home to return to, no waiting bed, no family. Dimly, she thought to go to the Eschaton Mercenaries, but it felt too much like begging, and she had more pride than that. At least, she liked to think she did, but as she passed down yet another nameless street, still lost in her sour mood, she wondered just how much pride she actually had left.

It helped none to see so many tiles bearing the mark of the Sun. Each one reminded her of how Alyssa had surrendered to their demands. Each one reminded her of how she would trust Victor to keep her safe from them, trust him more than she trusted her. All those years she’d protected her, stayed at her side, loved her … did they mean nothing now? Or perhaps she’d only deluded herself. Could she truly consider herself so important to Alyssa’s life if her opinion could be cast aside so easily?

Stop it, she told herself. Stop moping. Stop wallowing. Think on the task at hand!

Doing her best to ignore anything but the present day, she knew her immediate need was to find a place to sleep. She had more than enough coin to rent a room in an inn, for several months, even, but the idea left a bad taste in her mouth. A last resort, perhaps, if not her only resort. Still, as she walked, she thought of the only other home she’d known. It was a strange nostalgia coming over her, but to the south of Veldaren she ran, finally feeling a purpose to her footsteps. Yes, there’d been one other home for her, and odd as it seemed, there were still many good memories attached to it.

The home was a simple one, and though large, it lacked any decorations. There were no windows, a single door, the roof flat and the sides a dull brown. It was built right up against the southern wall, not far from the squalor and rows of homeless tents and shanties that occupied much of the wall’s length. Zusa walked up to the door, touched the handle. Doing so flooded her with memories, and she paused, trying to decide why she was even there.

She’d been an orphan, given over to the priesthood of Karak when she was but a babe. Growing up in its dark walls, the temple had been her home, at least until her affair with Daverik. Then they’d exiled her from the temple, deeming her unworthy of remaining within the holy ground. Before her was the home she’d been exiled to, along with her other faceless sisters. It was there they’d slept, eaten, and trained, overseen by the eldest of them, a woman named Eliora. Taking a deep breath, Zusa pulled open the door and stepped inside.

It was so familiar, that grand room with the fireplace and shelves full of books outlining the strictest tenets of Karak. The same round rug remained before the fireplace, and as Zusa stepped inside, she thought of the many winters she’d lain upon that rug, watching logs burn as the fire’s warmth seeped into her skin. The fireplace still showed signs of use, and she wondered if Daverik’s recent rebirth of the faceless had used the place as they always had before. They were all dead now, killed by either her hand or the strange Ghost who had interfered at the last moment to save her.

Zusa walked to the shelves, found a well-worn leather-bound book she’d read many times, The Lion’s Walk. Flipping it open, she put her fingers on the faded brown pages, felt the crinkled paper as she read the first line aloud.

“Heavy walked the lion, and he made no noise to alert the farmer’s daughter who worked the fields that day.”

It was a story told fully in symbols and metaphors, setting it far apart from the dry rules and speeches that filled the others. Zusa closed the book, put it back on the shelf. She looked to the other books, thinking of the anger they spewed, the righteous condemnation of nearly everything that it meant to be human. On a whim, she returned to the fireplace and the small flask of oil waiting beside it. One after the other, she tossed books in, doused them with oil, and then lit them with a readied piece of flint. As the books burned, she watched, hoping the fire would give her comfort. It did not. Only The Lion’s Walk remained by the time she was done.

Now uncomfortably hot from the fire, Zusa moved on to the only other room in the building. In it were four beds, and they still had the same blankets, heavy and dark green. It was as if, even in sleep, Karak wished to smother them and hide their bodies. Zusa sat on the edge of one, hand drifting across the rough fabric. She thought of the times she’d spent with Nava and Eliora, how they’d clung to one another, together fighting against the loneliness that threatened to swallow them all. Never did a day go by that they were not reminded of their failures, their inherent inferiority. It’d been driven into their prayers. It’d been whispered with every bit of cloth they wrapped about their bodies. But come nightfall, there were no priests, no gods, just them and their beds that were always too cold, too small.

“You were always so faithful, Nava,” Zusa whispered, thinking of the girl’s small hands and beautiful brown eyes. She used to play with her dark hair, which, despite how short she cut it, was still soft and smooth and fun to rustle with her fingers. They once joked about growing out braids and finding a way to tie them so the wrappings still covered them appropriately.

“The priests would never approve,” Zusa had told her.

“What does it matter if they never know?” Nava had asked. “They will think I have strange lumps on my head, that is all. If they ask, I’ll tell them Karak has cursed me with a great ugliness.”

“They think that already,” Eliora had said, kneeling before her bed in prayer while the other two sat together, waiting for her to finish. “And they would know the moment you tried. The eyes of priests are always undressing us.”

They’d never mentioned braids again.

Zusa stood, already rethinking her plan to use the home as her own. Too many memories, and they all ended the same. Karak’s mercy came for them, killing her sisters with the blade of a dark paladin, smothering their happiness with oppression and hate and self-loathing.

“We were beautiful,” Zusa breathed aloud, the greatest blasphemy she could think to utter in that place. “Beautiful, pure, and never once in need of the Lion. You gave us nothing but shame.”

She started toward the door to leave, then froze. A sound, so soft, but her ears picked it up nonetheless. It was the slightest rattle of wood, but from where? Zusa froze, trying to think. There were only the two rooms, and she’d been in both …

But no, that wasn’t right. There was a third, the safe room they were to hide in if guards ever came looking for them for the killings they committed in the name of their glorious Karak. Zusa drew a dagger, and slowly, she stalked toward the far side of the room, to what appeared to be a simple blank wall. She knew that not to be the case, and she readied herself for an attack. All four faceless were dead, but what if there were others she’d not been told of? Or what if Daverik had already recruited more?

Free hand finding the slender groove necessary to open it, she tensed, took in a deep breath, and then yanked open the hidden door leading to the secret hiding room. Her eyes widened, her body froze. In her gut, she felt her insides twist, and in her chest, her heart break.

Within were two girls, and they wore thin black shifts that went underneath the wrappings that were pooled beneath them both on the floor. Both their faces were hidden with white cloths, with only a slit to reveal their eyes. One girl’s skin was dark, her eyes brown, curls of black hair peeking out from beneath the cloth, while the other girl looked pale. Her pretty blue eyes stared up at Zusa, wide with fear.

They couldn’t be any older than nine.

“Are you one of us?” the darker girl asked, and she pointed toward the wrappings Zusa wore. Zusa swallowed, tried to think of what to say.

“No,” she said. “I used to be, but not anymore.”

This seemed to make them all the more nervous, and they shrank further back into the safe room. Zusa clutched the doorway with one hand, the hilt of her dagger with the other, needing something to keep them from shaking with her rage.

In the other room, she heard the door open, close.

“Girls?” asked a painfully familiar voice.

“Stay here,” Zusa told them, and she pushed the door shut, returning the two to darkness. Racing between the beds, Zusa made sure she was flying by the time Daverik stepped into the bedroom, a loaf of bread in one hand, two apples in the other. The food crashed to the ground as Zusa’s knee connected with his stomach, her fist striking his throat to rob him of any words. Her momentum carried them into the other room, and Zusa twisted so she could slam him against the wall beside the fireplace. She drove her dagger into the palm of his left hand, ramming it into the wood of the wall and pinning him there. The other she pressed against his neck.

“How dare you?” she said, voice nearly a snarl.

“I don’t under…”

“The girls,” she said. “I found them. Are you recruiting them so young now? Or did you fuck them yourself so you could declare them unclean and therefore worthy of your purposes?”

“It wasn’t like that,” he said, hoarse from the blow she’d given him. “I brought them with me from Mordeina. One of the priests there, he couldn’t control himself. They were in danger, so I took them with me. It was to protect them, Zusa, I swear!”

Zusa forced him to look her in the eye.

“Protect them?” she asked. “Tell me … were they whipped?”

He said nothing.

“Stripped naked before their lover?”

Again, nothing.

She smashed her knee into his groin, then slammed his head back against the wood. Holding him by the hair, she pushed her other dagger tighter against the flesh of his throat.

“Damn you,” she seethed. “Did you not think to stop them? Did you not think to argue that no man can be seduced by a nine-year-old?”

“I did what I could,” Daverik said, breathing quickened from the pain. “I swear, I did what I could. You know the laws-Karak’s laws-and they don’t change.”

Such a pathetic excuse, and even worse, she knew he believed it. By bringing them with him to Veldaren, hiding their faces, hiding every stretch of their skin with wrappings, he thought he made them pure. Made them holy.

“You’re sick,” she said. “Sick, blind, and pathetic.”

He looked down at her, and in his eyes, she saw something broken. Something empty.

“What are you going to do?” he asked. “Will you kill me?”

“You think you deserve better?”

With his free hand, Daverik grabbed her wrist, but instead of trying to force her away, he only pushed it harder so that it drew blood when he talked.

“I am but a sinful creature deserving death,” he said. “But what I’ve done, Zusa, even you would have done the same. The prophet is almost here, and the future he brings with him … I’ve given everything to save us from it.”

Zusa leaned closer, so that her lips could brush against his ear. She’d once kissed that man’s neck, once let his hands drift about her body, but now she only wanted him to feel the heat of her breath when she spoke.

“The prophet is a myth, you damn fool. All you’ve done, you’ve done for a lie, and now you’re dying for one.”

Before he might react, she cut across his throat, slicing it open. His blood spilled upon her. He opened his mouth to speak, but he could not form the words. Holding him aloft, she stared into his eyes as he died. She wanted the last thing he saw on this world to be her face, her eyes, empty of tears, empty of sorrow.

When he was gone, she freed her dagger, returned to the bedroom, and pulled open the door to the hidden room. The two girls were within still, and they’d completed the process so that their tiny little bodies were covered with wrappings. The sight of it brought tears to her eyes where Daverik’s death could not.

“Remove the cloth,” she told them. “Let me see your face.”

They looked to one another, clearly unsure, but with a bloody dagger in her hand and her chest covered with the blood of their master, she was hardly surprised they obeyed. Off came the white cloths, revealing their cherubic faces. Zusa knelt before them, but the first she reached for backed away.

“How long have you been with Daverik?” she asked them.

“Six months,” said the pale girl with the blue eyes.

“Then you’ve been taught to hide, to steal, to survive,” Zusa said. “Both of you, you have to understand. What happened, what you’ve been told … it’s not your fault. It was never your fault. Listen to me, I beg of you. There is no salvation for you at the Lion. There is nothing to feel shame over, nothing to condemn you. Your master is dead. Flee. No one will look for you. No one will know you’re gone, I promise. Make a life for yourselves; just please, do not return to the temple. Don’t let them hide everything wonderful about you. Your face is not sinful. Your hair is a gift, your eyes a temple, your smile a blessing. Let all the world see. Can you do that? Can you? You’re beautiful … so beautiful…”

She was crying, she realized, and the two girls stared at her with expressions she could not begin to read. They merely nodded, and when Zusa stepped away, the two ran for the door. Zusa watched them go, and in her gut, she felt certain they would return to the temple. Where else would they go? Here she was, sick and terrified of making a life for herself, and she was a woman grown. Them? Children.

She looked down to her wrappings, the markings of the faceless that she’d carried even after turning her back on Karak. Suddenly, every reason she’d ever used for keeping them rang false. Stupid, cowardly, and petty. She wanted nothing to do with them now. The only meaning they carried was that when those two girls first saw her, they saw what they would one day become.

Taking the bloody knife to her neck, she cut down, into the cloth. Tears still running down her face, she sliced them away, strip after strip. Her movements grew quicker, more rash. Sometimes she cut into herself, and she did not care. She wanted the wrappings gone. Hacking away, she freed herself from them as if they were bonds. Finally naked, she crouched atop the shredded remains, feeling the weight of the day crushing her. Openly, she sobbed, and there was something cleansing to finally letting it all free. She said good-bye to the memories, to her sisters, to every life she’d known before stumbling into Maynard Gemcroft’s mansion all those years before.

Slowly, she rose to her feet, and she felt her emotions seeping back under control.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered to the ghosts of the women who had once stayed there. “I’m so sorry, but I will wear them no more. Not even in remembrance of you.”

The drawers had no other clothes, which left her with but one choice. She went to Daverik’s body and stripped him naked. His trousers were a bit too wide, but she cinched the belt tight enough so they would not fall. Over her neck went the shirt, and she cut at its overly long sleeves with her dagger so they would not interfere. His blood was on it, and she stared down at the stain with a growing detachment. What did it matter, the blood?

“All for a myth,” she whispered, chest hollow, eyes wet.

To the growing dark outside she went, but before she did, she grabbed the lone copy of The Lion’s Walk and tossed it into the fire, let it burn with all the rest.