Sweet Reckoning

EPILOGUE

Six Years Later . . .

Malawi was everything Kopano had said it would be. Kai and I loved it from the moment we stepped off the plane, holding hands, smiling into the bright sunshine. Zania and Kopano met us at the doors of the orphanage. They’d been married five years now. Zania and I hugged first, while the guys shook hands.

“Your big day is finally here!” Zania said. She’d been working with us for the past year to make this happen.

Kaidan took my hand. We were both shaking a little. I was nervous and excited beyond belief to meet our boys—brothers.

We knew parenthood was hard. We’d been there for Jay after Marna’s soul had passed during Anise’s birth. She’d been taken despite our earnest hopes, but she’d made the most of her last months of freedom. I’d never seen anyone laugh and smile as much as Marna had. She radiated joy, and even Ginger softened under her ray of sunshine.

It was no surprise that Jay was the hippest rock-star single dad ever, but I knew he was tired, working full-time and then being the only parent for his baby girl.

Ginger and I spent a lot of time with Anise, keeping her whenever Jay had night deejaying events for the L.A. radio station. Anise was a perfect combination of Marna’s happiness and Ginger’s divaness, walking around in her pink tutu with a hand on her hip. And Jay could do no wrong in his girl’s eyes. She laughed at all his jokes and loved when he called her Short Stuff.

So. Cute.

But we all missed Marna.

We followed Kope and Z inside the one-story building, a relatively new structure built with Alocer’s funds, along with a library and medical facility in the small town.

We were led down a hall to a sparse room with chairs and toys.

“Let me get them,” Kope said, leaving us.

Zania motioned for us to sit, but we declined. I clutched Kai’s hand, and Zania giggled.

“This is my favorite part. New parents are adorable.” She rubbed my shoulder and I tried to smile.

When I heard footsteps coming down the hall and Kope’s rumbling voice talking sweetly, my stomach clenched with nerves.

The door opened and Kopano had a boy on each hip. They looked positively tiny in his arms, and I immediately teared up. Don’t cry, I told myself. I didn’t want to scare them. As we all moved closer, the eighteen-month-old boy, Mandala, held tighter to Kope, wary of us. Six-month-old Onani, on the other hand, let out a giant gurgling giggle and waved his arms up and down, making us all laugh.

I held out my hands, and Onani came to me with no qualms, obviously going to be our “people person.” I checked out his skinny limbs, which somehow still managed to have soft dimples at the knees, elbows, ankles, and wrists. Despite being so thin, Onani’s cheeks were chubby, and his head was a gorgeous mess of black curls.

I was in love and I couldn’t stop smiling.

“Hi, Onani,” I said softly.

He went a bit cross-eyed as he tried to focus on me, taking in every feature on my face with serious curiosity. Then he reached out and grabbed my hair, squealing happily while we all laughed and I unpried his little fingers. I looked at Kaidan and he was watching us in awe.

“I should have warned you,” Z said. “He loves hair.”

While I held Onani, adoring the weight of him in my arms, I watched as Kope and Kai both squatted on the floor. Mandala leaned back against Kopano, still wary of Kaidan.

“I think I have something you might like,” Kaidan said. From one pocket he pulled a cherry red toy car.

This piqued Mandala’s attention. He took a step toward Kaidan.

“It’s yours, mate,” Kai assured him. “I brought it just for you.” He held out the car and our boy took it. He crouched down on the ground and rolled the car. Kaidan made a vrooming sound effect and Mandala smiled, making my heart flutter. Kai grinned up at me, and I swear . . . I had no idea I could love him more. But as I watched Kaidan lie on the floor and play with Mandala, my heart overflowed.

We spent the day at the orphanage, trying to get the boys as comfortable with us as possible before we took them to the hotel. Other children came in and out of the playroom where we stayed, and they all took an interest in us. Zania said I could give them candy, so I became quite popular among the kids, all the while watching Onani trying to crawl next to me.

“He’s awful cute, isn’t he?” Kaidan asked, grinning at me in wonder. Then Mandala sidled up close, holding his new toy, which nobody was allowed to touch, and he gently petted his baby brother’s head, looking up at Kai for affirmation.

“You’re a good boy,” Kaidan said to him.

Then my heart officially melted.

Kaidan earned major hot points with me that day.

When a new group of kids came into the room, one of the little girls stood at the door and stared at us. Specifically, she stared at Kaidan. She looked about three years, no older than four, with thick braids.

“Would you like one?” I asked her, holding out a lollipop.

She eyed the candy, considering, but then her eyes went back to Kaidan and she shook her head.

The auras of children were always interesting jumbles, because they couldn’t process all those emotions. But this girl’s were pretty clear and unwavering. Underneath, stirring like a low storm, were dark emotions. When I opened myself to her I felt fear, and it made me gasp. I pulled back and watched her, surprised. Because on top of that fear was pure, light pink love, swirled with light gray apprehension, and sparks of orange excitement. It was the love she was so clearly feeling as she stared at Kaidan that I couldn’t quite understand. Zania and Kope came back into the room after some time, and they noticed the girl right away. They looked back and forth between her and Kaidan, who hadn’t noticed what was happening yet.

“Are you all right?” Zania asked, crouching next to her.

She looked up at Zania with big, dark eyes and nodded, then looked back at Kai. Something strange was going on.

“Kai,” I said softly. “I think someone wants to meet you.”

He sat up from where he’d been lying, playing, and his eyes went to the girl. He looked confused as he took in her colors, but he smiled at her.

“Hi there. What’s your name?”

Her voice was soft but rich when she answered, “Bambo.”

We looked at Zania, who appeared perplexed, and she looked up at Kope.

He crouched down now, too.

“Her name is Alile.” He said it like Ah-LEE-leh. “It means ‘she weeps.’”

She weeps. What a sad, beautiful name.

“Alile,” Kopano said to the girl. “Zikuyenda bwanji?”

Z whispered to Kaidan and me, “She speaks Chichewa.”

Alile gave Kope a small smile, but didn’t answer. In that moment her guardian angel leaned down to whisper, and her apprehension disappeared, which showed me she was very in tune with her angel. In slow movements she went to Kaidan. He stayed very still as she touched his face and searched his eyes. In fact, he was searching hers in return. And then she sat right in his lap as if it were her home. She looked up at Kai and again said, “Bambo.” The moment felt delicate and precious. Kaidan stayed very still with his palms on the floor next to him as if afraid to touch her.

“What does bambo mean?” I whispered.

The four of us stared at one another, still crouching.

“It’s a word for ‘father,’” Kopano said.

Kaidan’s chest rose and fell faster as he looked down at the girl in his lap.

And then Zania signed to us, She came to us from another orphanage that shut down because of sexual abuse.

Kaidan looked at me with big eyes, and I knew the same appalling feelings coursed through us both. What had this poor girl been through? I watched Kaidan’s jaw clench, just thinking about it.

Kopano spoke to her again in Chichewa. I heard him say Kaidan’s name.

“He tells her Kaidan is his friend and wants to know why she calls him father,” Z whispered.

The girl answered, causing Kope and Z to go still.

“What did she say?” I asked. Kaidan was looking a little green, like he’d rather not know at this point.

Kope cleared his throat. “She says, ‘In my dream, he was my daddy.’”

Goose bumps broke out across my skin.

Kaidan’s eyes met mine and we stared.

And then something happened that I thought I’d never see. Kaidan and I had been through so much together, but one thing he’d never, ever done was cry.

At that moment, as he looked down at Alile, and his arms circled her, pulling her closer, I watched the first tear streak down Kaidan’s cheek, followed by another. His face grew serious and his entire demeanor surrounding Alile shouted fierce protectiveness.

No daughters, Kaidan had told me so many years ago. Over the years I learned that having a girl would force him to face down his invisible demons who whispered of inadequacy. But I knew at that moment that Alile would be our daughter, and Kai would beat his fears. Nobody would ever hurt this little girl again and get away with it. Because she had a daddy now.

I reached out for Kaidan’s hand and he took it, holding it tight.

Life could be so cruel, so ugly. And then, in the midst of all the madness, a precious gift would be placed in your lap.

Because life could also be so sweet.