We still get together once a month at the VFW. We drink too much and play shuffleboard and leer at Bess and talk about the old days. And we always get around to how different things are now: everybody out for himself, everybody on dope. Kids today just aren't worth a damn and we all know it. God help us if we ever need them to defend the country. Brad Conner always makes the same remark: when the Russians land at Virginia Beach the only people out there to meet them will be us.
I get scared when I hear that. It's a joke that prompts laughter and raised glasses from Herman and Cuff and the rest. And a knowing wink from Bess. Because it's the truth, we would be alone. But nobody seriously believes anymore that the Russians might really come. Glasnost and all that.
Maybe. But somebody's coming. Unless whatever controls these things has changed its mind, they're coming.
I'm not like some of the guys, refusing to talk about the war, or even think about it. But I've never told anyone about what I saw the first night of the Tet Offensive, except occasionally when I've had too much to drink and nobody listens anyhow.
The attack caught me in Quangngai, in a downtown bar. I got out the back about the time a grenade came through a window. The streets were swarming with packs of armed men, some moving with military precision, others not much more than mobs. They shot down a few people for laughs. And they hauled a man out of a newspaper office and beat him to death, and then killed a woman who objected.Hard to tell whose side they were on. Not that it mattered. A Cobra ranged overhead early in the evening, spraying the attackers with heavy machine guns. But other than that, and a burned-out tank, I saw no sign of the Army.
The tank was in the middle of the street in front of a bicycle shop. The bicycle shop was pretty well blown apart too. I stood in the shadows and watched the tank smolder, until I realized I wasn't alone. Movement somewhere. Metal clicking softly. Get off the street: I climbed through the shattered front window into the shop, and crawled behind a counter, intending to wait things out. Nearby explosions shook dust out of the rafters. Squads of Cong riflemen appeared, and moved down both sides of the street. The fire glittered on their weapons. A few of them appeared on a rooftop opposite and set up a 50-caliber machine gun. The 50-calibers were heavy and loud, and they were hell on choppers.
The Cobra kept hammering away. Missile tracks raced toward it, wire-thin tracers hurtling over the city. The gunship dropped low, out of sight, and then rolled in,pumping rockets and 30mm shells into the clapboard streets. I heard screams.
A bright yellow moon, big and peaceful, floated over the scene.
They answered with the 50-caliber. The chopper veered off, and the street fell silent. Then it came back, running at roof top level. But Charlie must have got a couple more of the big machine guns up. They erected a goddam solid wall of steel and I wanted the chopper to back off, but he was committed by then so he kept coming and ripped by me, firing everything he had, churning down the center of the street, blowing dust in all directions.
Something hit it: it shuddered, and pulled up trailing smoke. Charlie kept firing. One of the rotor blades blew away. Moments later, the Cobra exploded.
Almost simultaneously, a brilliant white light erupted above the blast. It filled the sky, threw the street into sudden daylight, faded, and brightened again. I covered my eyes with my hands and cringed. For a moment, for a single bottomless moment, I thought: nuke.
It lasted only a few seconds. Then it was gone, and when I looked again, I saw only a blazing blue-white flare plunging down the sky. It was almost directly overhead.
Another gunship, maybe. Something.
The gunners concentrated their fire on it. A piece of the thing broke off, and spurted away to the southeast, in the direction of the Pacific. It might have been a rocket misfire.
The rest of the object continued to drop. It burned furiously, utterly silent.
But it wasn't quite falling anymore. Not under control, exactly, but it seemed to be slowing down. Leveling off. It drifted toward the rooftops, pursued by streams of tracers.
It sliced across the night, a brilliant cobalt star, and plowed into the roof of a four-story office building in the next block. The walls exploded, and the structure leaned toward the street, and collapsed. A cloud of gas and steam rose.
Fires broke out up and down the street. The gunners cheered.Windows in adjoining buildings let go like gunshots. Then, in the steam and smoke and rubble, I saw something moving.
A human figure.
A woman.
She stumbled out, clothes smoking, face and hair burned black. She staggered halfway across the street, and went down, one fist clenched in agony.
I looked at her, glanced back toward the shadows (filled with the dark figures of the Cong, just watching, not moving), and did the dumbest thing of my life: I ran into the middle of the street and charged toward her.
There was no point trying to keep close to the buildings. I was silhouetted against moonlight and fire no matter where I was, so I made what use I could of the tank. Charlie was slow to react: I covered about forty yards and got across the intersection before the first shot whistled over my head.
The woman looked up. She was afire: the flames ate at her clothing, enveloped her. She should have been rolling in the street, the night should have filled with her screams. Instead she only watched me come.
Charlie opened up in earnest. Bullets flew through the thick air, shattered wood, bounced off the tank, buried themselves in the street. One tore away a piece of my shoulder.
I ran with clumsy terror. The woman got up on one knee, took a deep breath, and struggled to her feet. She watched me come, eyes filled with pain.
Her jacket burst into flame. She ripped it off and hurled it away.
I stumbled toward her, lost my balance, ran a few more steps, arms and legs flailing, fell, rolled over, and came up in full stride. In all, it was a hell of a performance.
She shook her head no. And waved me away.
No time to argue. I plowed into her, knocking her over. But I kept going and got us both off the street and into a storefront.
She held onto a post, trying to steady herself. I'd got the fire out, but her clothes were steaming, and her face was scorched. She stared at me out of angry black eyes.
I kicked the door open. "Inside," I pointed into the store.
Her nostrils widened slightly, and I saw something that scared me more than all the goddam shooting: she smiled.
Then she stepped through. The interior was dark, illuminated only by spasms of firelight, slicing through a bank of cross-hatched windows along the front wall. We were in a big room, and shadowy objects hung from the ceiling. From the smell of things, it was easy to guess what. We were in a tannery.
"They'll be right behind us," I said, trying to see through to the back of the building. She rubbed a knee, and rotated one shoulder, wincing. I got the impression that I was looking up at her. Ridiculous. The flickering light distorted everything. "Are you okay?" I asked.
She looked through a window, and pointed out. The Cong were coming. I realized about then that I was leaking blood from my shoulder. My right sleeve was drenched, and I felt wobbly. She cast a long shadow. She was tall, taller even than I, which put her at six-two or -three. Slim. Athletic. Black hair cut short. And despite her size she was Asiatic.
I reached for her, intending to draw her away from the window, and make for the rear entrance. "Just go," she said. "I will be behind you." It was the precise accent of one who has learned English from formal instruction.
I pushed the front door shut, secured it as best I could, and started back. Strips of leather dangled in my face. I barged almost immediately into a table. "Be careful," she said. "There are floor drains too."
It was getting hard to breathe. Probably the stench of the hides and the tanning fluid. Maybe loss of blood. Whatever. The room started to rotate. Gunfire ripped through the windows. Leather strips fluttered.
And, in the dark, a curious thing happened. I couldn't be sure, but I thought she moved to place herself between me and the Cong. Whatever. I grabbed for her wrist and hit the deck. But I didn't quite get hold of her. She slid free. "Down," I snarled.
The shooting went on and on.
She knelt beside me. "You can't stay here."
Not we. You.
The floor was wet and slippery. It smelled vaguely of formaldehyde. "Okay," I said. I found her in the dark and pulled her after me.
Abruptly the gunfire stopped.
There was a door in the rear wall. I pushed it open and we shoved through out onto a loading dock. A truck with no wheels was parked outside. I glanced up: the tannery was located in a three-story building. A staircase mounted along the wall to the second floor, where there was a wooden landing and a door. Other buildings crouched nearby. Occasional bursts of sparks fell among them. "This way," I said, climbing down into the street. "We might just have time to get clear."
She shook her head. No. "I don't travel in alleys," she said.
I opened my mouth to tell her she was crazy. If I could have got hold of her, I'd have dragged her along. But she stepped back, and studied the stairway. Flickers of red light glowed in her eyes. Without a word, she started up.
I hesitated. "They'll trap us." You dumb bitch. I thought it. But I didn't say it. She stopped at the upper level and tried the door. It opened and she disappeared back into the tannery. Goddamn it.
I started up, and got halfway when a blast took out the lower room. She'd left the door open for me, and I was howling mad when I caught up with her. "They'll burn this goddamn place down around our ears," I said.
She stopped, and turned toward me. "Courage, Anderson," she said.
Anderson? Had I told her my name?
"There are more stairs here," she added, coolly. "Toward the center of the building. I believe they go all the way to the roof.''
She was moving among walls and offices.
With all chance of escape now cut off, I took the sensible course. I followed. "Who are you?" I asked.
Behind us there were shouts, running footsteps, occasional shots. Shadows danced outside.
Voices. In French. Already on the lower staircase.
They fired a couple of bursts through the door.
She waited for me, and led the way up to the third floor. I moved as quietly as I could. The woman had been gasping occasionally, peering at her burned flesh, holding up her arms and rotating them against the air, as though she derived a cooling effect from the motion. She paused in the darkness at the top of the staircase, pushed through a wooden door, and strode into a dusty corridor lined with storerooms. She looked up, murmured something. But I caught a sense of satisfaction. Then, to me: "Skylight."
I could see it, dark, stained, rusted, padlocked. Out of reach. "Nice move," I said.
There was confusion below. They didn't know where we were. But that condition wouldn't last long. Worse: I didn't feel good. I was sweating heavily, and the stairs felt slippery. The night felt slippery.
Something creaked, broke, and I was looking out at a rooftop.
She was silhouetted momentarily against the smoking sky.
"Hurry," she said. Her voice sounded far away.
The stars grew dim.
She reached down, took my hand.
It was the last thing I felt as darkness closed in.
When I came out of it, she was standing with her back to me, gazing over the city. The building shook under the whine and whomp of incoming mortars and distant artillery. Automatic fire clattered in the streets, and screams spilled into the night. Long plumes of smoke drifted across the face of the moon. "It never ends," she said.
I wondered how she'd known I was awake. "Yeah," I said. "It never does."
She turned. Her features were composed, calm, masked. Her eyelids were half-closed, her lips parted revealing sharp white teeth. Most of the soot was gone. "You have no idea, Anderson."
That was the second time she'd used my name. "Who are you?" I asked. "Do I know you?"
"No," she said.I was propped against a chimney, and my shoulder ached. I moved cautiously, but something spasmed and I gasped. She was gazing toward the horizon, and gave no sign she'd heard. Lights were moving high in the sky. Helicopters. "Are you from Quangngai?" I asked.
Her eyes clouded. And she smiled. But it was a smile composed of shadow and empty spaces. "I'm from Aus-terlitz," she said. "And Cannae. And Lepanto and Gettysburg." The voice was controlled. Resigned. Weary.
"I don't think I understand." I was chilled.
"No." She was watching something in the street. "You don't."
There was a doorway in the center of the roof. Heavy. Ribbed with iron bands. The door was closed, braced by a timber. "Is that the way we came?"
"No," she said.
"Where are they?"
"Everywhere on the lower floors. And in the street. They were trying to ambush some of your friends." Again that stab of pain in her eyes. "They had some success."
"Sons of bitches."
I could hear footsteps on the stairs. The door was rusted, bent, splintered. But it looked solid. The Cong were laughing, sliding their bolts forward.
The knob rattled.
"Have no fear," said the woman. "You're safe with me." Another chill.
I heard them retreating. Then the door blew out, and flame belched from the stairway. Six men stepped onto the roof.
She watched them without emotion. They leveled rifles at us. "I'm sorry," I said to her. "They may let you go."
She came silently from the roof's edge, and stood by my side.
They watched in angry silence. An officer came out behind them. He was bullwhip lean, efficient, alert. His movements were crisply economical. "ID," he said to me.
Without hesitation, I pulled it out of my wallet and handed it over. He glanced at it, and lost interest. Only a corporal. His gaze traveled to the woman. He slid his pistol out of its holster and used it to signal her to get away from me.
She didn't move.
The weapon was a Czech automatic of the kind commonly carried by NVA officers. He caressed his jawwith the barrel, and brought the gun up until I was looking into the front sights.
Then she stepped directly in front of me.
I couldn't see his face. He spoke to her in French. The tone was hard and cold. Annoyed. He would not warn her again.
A sudden hot wind blew across the rooftop.
The officer shrugged. His finger tightened on the trigger.
But something in her face caught his eyes. He stared at her. She stood quietly. Sweat stood out on his brow. I started to move, to get out from behind her, but she reached back and seized my shoulder, held me still.
A pulse appeared in his throat. His soldiers seemed frozen, staring into her face as their captain did. Then one broke free, the youngest of the group. He shook himself, as though awakening suddenly in an unfamiliar place. His eyes glittered with hard cold fear. But he advanced nonetheless, forcing himself forward, and stood with his captain.
The others, perhaps released by his movement, began to back away. Weapons sagged.
The officer's breath was coming in short hard gasps.
He struggled with his gun, trying (I thought) to pull the trigger. But it was no longer aimed at me.
He took a step back. And one by one, they retreated into the stairway until only the young soldier was left. He held tight to his AK-47, and stared at her with stricken eyes. She spoke to him in Vietnamese, gently, and then he too was gone.
"Who the hell are you?"
"Do you really not know?" Her face had taken on the tint of the smoldering sky. "After all this time, after all the killing, do you really not know?" Her gaze swept the rooftop, and locked on the city. Savagery flickered in her eyes. "Your fathers knew me. At Troy, at Port Arthur, at the Coral Sea, they knew me. Pray that your sons do not."
I don't know how to describe that moment. I was terrified, as I had not been at any other time during that fearful evening. She stood full in the moonlight, breast heaving, voice thick with emotion. "You've come for me," I said in a hoarse whisper.
Her expression softened. "No. Not for you."
"Then why are you here?" I was drenched with sweat.
"I was careless."
And I thought: the pilot. The Cobra pilot. I must have said it aloud.
Something swirled within that dark shape. "No. Rather, the soldier who tried to challenge me a few moments ago. The young one. Within the hour, he will sacrifice his life for a comrade."
"My God," I said. "One of those bastards? You came for one of those bastards?"
"Yes," she said. "One of those bastards." The words were brittle. Flat. They hung on the night air, dull with impotent rage. "I am concerned only with courage, Anderson. Not with politics."
"What about the pilot? And his gunnei?" I demanded.
"I am not alone." Her eyes slid shut. "Tonight we fill the skies of this wretched peninsula!"
"I'm sorry," I said, not sure exactly what I meant.
"We all are." She inhaled, deeply, sadly. "It is not permitted that the valiant should perish. But who comes for the ordinary man? Who stands with him when the shells rain down? Who speaks to him in the moment of terror? We are too few.
"You are children, Anderson. Have you any idea how many will die tonight?" Her eyes raked the stars, and she raised a fist at the moon. "How many more battlefields can this pitiful world support?"
I can close my eyes now and see that rooftop and smell burning tar. And hear her final words. Her voice was warm and rich, lovely and terrible. "Anderson, we do not come for all who die in combat. But we will come for you. You will have your hour, and I will be with you."
You will have your hour,
Hell, I'm over 40 years old. I do actuarial tabulations for Northwestern Insurance. A desk job. I don't walk very well. I'm thirty pounds overweight. And I have three kids. The Army will never have any use for me.
I think sometimes about her, and I wonder if she was wrong. And I think about the kind of war that would need my services.
It's why I don't like to hear Brad Conner joke about him and me holding off invaders at Virginia Beach.